Mafia Random Messages Mafia 2! Endgame: Tyranny of the Trolls (1/4/17)

[Maniacal Engineer]

OR IS IT?

HUH??

IS IT!?!?!?

It's been over for awhile, boss. I'm just writing up nonsense scenes now.

 

[Enzap]

It's been over for awhile, boss. I'm just writing up nonsense scenes now.

Or

Is it

 

[Maniacal Engineer]

Or

Is it

That's going to be your new catchphrase now, isn't it? -_-

 

[Enzap]

That's going to be your new catchphrase now, isn't it? -_-

It might be

Spoiler

 

[Maniacal Engineer]

Bonus Scene 3: Mantle Ensuer

The mood in the F&G Administration building was tense. After Enzap's very public banning earlier in the day, the users were getting restless, and popular opinion of the F&G staff was at an all time low.
Sitting around the conference table were Zexy, TheCapsFan, Scarlet Sky, and Maniacal Engineer. Joining them were Shiny Celebi, Hidden Mew, and Hanzo in Plain Sight, there to oversee selection of a new Section Head.
"We need someone who can guide us through these tumultuous times," Caps was saying, "a strong leader, well respected by the regulars."
"Someone charismatic," agreed Zexy.
"Someone trustworthy," added Sky, causing the other F&G staff members to give him funny looks.
"He's right," remarked the Head Administrator, "Enzap might have been working with other staff members."
All eyes automatically turned to Maniacal Engineer, who raised his eyebrow.
"What?" he exclaimed, "just because I have a history of Trolling, you all suspect that I had something to do with this?"
"Pretty much, yeah," replied HiPS.
"Typical," snorted ME, "the Troll Alliance attacks me, and you all suspect that I was behind it."
"Nobody is saying that," began Hidden Mew, but Maniacal Engineer cut her off.
"I've earned my place at this table," he said, angrily banging his fist on said table, "time and time again, I have proven myself and my dedication to this forum. I even put my life at risk for my sections, and this is how you all repay me, with distrust."
He glared around the table at the blank stares he was receiving.
"None of y'all know how deadly the Elieson Virus is, do you?" he demanded, "well I read up on it, since I do my homework before jumping into things...most of the time."
ME pulled out returnofMCH's notes on the Elieson Virus and angrily tossed them on the table.
Shiny Celebi picked up the notes and read aloud.
"The Elieson Virus is a series of unstable diseases with no known cure. While its side effects have varied during each individual outbreak, the end result is the same: madness and insanity during the initial stages, followed, inevitably by death."
"Now tell me," fumed the mad scientist, "why the hell would I risk exposing myself to a deadly contagion just to divert suspicion off of myself?"
"Enzap did it," remarked Sky.
"Enzap didn't know how dangerous the Elieson Virus is," scoffed ME, "he was allegedly only there out of a sense of duty as Section Head. He'd never even experienced the virus before."
"...wait a minute," said Zexy, "can we rewind a second to the madness, insanity, and death?"
"I've been pronounced completely healthy by the physicians at the RM Hospital," countered Maniacal Engineer, "MCH managed to completely neutralize the virus. Besides, I'm already batshit crazy."
HiPS barely concealed a laugh.
"You can say that again," he muttered.
Shiny Celebi cleared her throat.
"Can we get back to the matter at hand?" she said, "F&G still needs a new Section Head."
"Let's put TM28 in charge," suggested Hidden Mew, "at least temporarily. It's probably best to have admin supervision until this mess with the Trolls is sorted out, anyway."
"Bad idea," said Sky, shaking his head, "bring in an outsider as Section Head and the users won't like it. If that outsider is also an admin, it will make the regulars nervous, as they will see it as a sign of weakness in the current sectional staff and/or that the Troll threat is more serious than they had originally anticipated."
"It could start a mass panic," agreed Caps.
"Then who do you suggest?" asked Shiny Celebi.
"The answer is obvious, isn't it?" asked Zexy.
Once again, all eyes turned toward Maniacal Engineer, who rolled his eyes.
"First you all accuse me, and now you want me to be Section Head?" he grumbled rhetorically, "make up your goddamned minds!"
"You're the right guy for the job," said Zexy.
"You're popular among the regular users," added Caps.
"Not to mention the fact that they respect you and listen to you," chimed in Sky.
ME folded his arms.
"I won't do it," he said.
"Why not?" asked Caps.
"Because you all clearly don't trust me," replied the madman.
"If we didn't trust you, you wouldn't be a staff member anymore," remarked Shiny Celebi, "and if you were to be found guilty of trolling, you would be permabanned from this forum, with no chances for appeal."
"Come on, ME," coerced Zexy, "you really are the right choice here."
"Forget it," groused the engineer.
"I say we vote on it," offered Caps.
"Agreed," said the Head Admin, cutting off ME before he got a chance to protest.
"Those in favor?" asked HiPS.
Caps, Sky, and Zexy raised their hands.
"Opposed?" continued the DHA.
ME raised both of his hands.
"Why are you so dead set on being difficult about this?" asked Sky.
ME sighed.
"Despite his flaws at the end, Enzap was a good Section Head, and a great mentor," he explained, "I just don't feel comfortable trying to step in to his shoes."
Shiny Celebi put her hand on the madman's shoulder.
"You'll do a good job," she assured him, "I'm sure of it."
The engineer sighed again.
"Okay," he said, reluctantly.
"It's settled then," said the Head Administrator, "I will make the arrangements, and you will be sworn in and promoted tomorrow morning."
ME did a double take.
"Promoted?" he said, completely surprised.
"Yes," said Hidden Mew, "not only was Enzap the Section Head of F&G, he was also a Super Moderator, so we are currently one Super Mod short."
"Let Zexy have it," he said, wearily, "or Caps, or Sky. I don't need to be both Section Head and a Super Mod."
"For the love of Arceus, ME," said Caps, exasperated, "just say thank you and drop it already! We're wasting valuable time here."
ME chuckled and turned to the admins.
"Thank you," he said.

The admins departed to make the arrangements, and Caps and Sky left the conference room.
ME slumped in his office chair, looking exhausted.
"Congratulations, ME," said Zexy, smiling at his new boss as he, too departed the conference room.

When he was certain that everybody else was out of earshot, ME dropped his act and began laughing hysterically.
"Suckers," he said between chortles.

 

[Maniacal Engineer]

Bonus Scene 4: Dorkness Rising

Zexy knocked on Maniacal Engineer's front door. Receiving no response, aside from some clattering deep within the domicile, he let himself in using the spare key under the Dalek garden ornament.
As he walked in, the crashing intensified. Concerned, he went into ME's kitchen, where he found the soon-to-be Section Head crumpled on the floor, surrounded by empty bottles of New Glarus beer. Completely drunk, he was staring at his refrigerator in awe, a half-empty beer bottle clutched in his left hand.
"The fruits," he was saying, "they're fighting the vegetables again."
Before Zexy could ask for clarification on the madman's strange statement, said madman burst into uncontrollable laughter, slopping some of the beer on his shirt.
Concerned, Zexy pried the potent potable away from his future boss, who glared at him.
"And who invited you?" he asked.
"Nobody," said the Greek Mod, "but I was concerned because I heard loud crashing coming from your apartment."
"Oh that," said ME, shrugging, "I was just composing my speech for tomorrow."
Zexy glanced around skeptically at all the empty beer bottles.
"And what are you writing it on?" he inquired.
"Not writing," corrected the maniac, whispering conspiratorially, "composing. In here."
The madman pointed to his own head.
"Riiiiight," said Zexy, sarcastically, "let's get you sober and cleaned up. You don't want to look like a mess tomorrow, nor do you want a hangover."
"Spoilsport," groused ME, as Zexy picked up all of the empty bottles.
As Zexy was engaged in that menial task, Engie crawled over to his fridge and pulled out another beer, which he gulped down before Zexy could protest, and reached for another.
The Greek Mod slammed the door shut, before ME could grab another beverage.
"Lemme 'lone!" slurred the engineer, drunkenly, tossing the empty bottle in Zexy's direction.
Fortunately, since he was so drunk, his aim was off, and the bottle impacted on the wall, shattering into many sharp pieces.
The loud crash startled ME, who promptly collapsed into a heap again. With Zexy supporting him, Engie managed to stand up and stagger into his bedroom, where he fell face first onto his bed, still in his work clothes, and began snoring loudly.
Sighing, Zexy returned to the kitchen, where he pulled out a broom and dustpan and swept up the shards of glass and cleaned up the remaining beer bottles.
He had just finished, when he heard a loud thud coming from ME's bedroom. Worried, the wannabe engineer ran in to find Maniacal Engineer sleepwalking. He had banged into his dresser, which had caused the noise and toppled a pile of freshly cleaned clothes onto the floor.
As Zexy picked up and refolded the clothes, ME escaped from his room, still sleepwalking, and fell down the basement steps, breaking the banister and light fixture on his way down. As Zexy charged over to the front hall, he found ME sound asleep at the foot of the stairs, still snoring, and the banister in splinters and the light fixture bent and the bulbs smashed.
Exasperated, Zexy once again guided ME into his room, where he deposited him onto his bed.
He then took out the broom and dustpan, and swept up all the glass shards and larger splinters, and vacuumed up the remaining sawdust. He then finished folding and stacking the clothes on top of ME's dresser.
Not wanting to leave the madman alone in his current state, Zexy crashed on ME's futon that night, getting only a few hours of sleep in, due to ME's loud snoring.

The following morning, ME awoke to the sound of his alarm. He got up, showered, and walked into his living room intent on making breakfast.
He was startled to find Zexy curled up on his futon with a the cushions folded against his ears, as well as his banister and light fixture by the basement staircase broken.
Shrugging, ME went into his kitchen and became making pancakes.

Zexy was awakened by the aroma of the pancakes, and stumbled into the kitchen, where his host had a large stack of flapjacks in front of him, and another large stack of flapjacks set up for Zexy.
"Good morning!" said the engineer, cheerfully.
Zexy grumbled out a good morning and inquired about coffee.
"Never drink the stuff," said ME, shaking his head, "bad for my stomach."
ME and Zexy sat in silence for a few moments, eating the pancakes, before ME abruptly stopped, fork part of the way toward his mouth.
"Sorry for asking, but what, exactly, are you doing here?" asked the mad scientist.
"...do you not remember last night at all?" queried Zexy, curiously.
"I most certainly do," exclaimed ME, affronted, "I remember the speech I composed for my upcoming promotion."
Zexy facepalmed and the subject was dropped.

After finishing their flapjacks, ME drove Zexy home and headed over to the Town Hall, where he was greeted by the Head Administrator herself, Shiny Celebi, who had arrived with TM28 to oversee and conduct the promotion ceremony.
Shortly thereafter, the other F&G staff members, including Zexy who had changed and was toting a large coffee, also arrived, and the group took their positions on the stage.

At precisely 9:30, the front doors opened, and the regular users began filing in, chatting amongst themselves. Some were excited about the assembly, others were apprehensive, and still others were angry.

At 10:00, Shiny Celebi stepped up to the podium.
"Your attention, please," said the Head Administrator, silencing the murmurs in the crowd, "as you all know, a few days ago, Enzap, the former Section Head of the Fun and Games section, was caught trolling and was banned. Since then the spambot attacks on regular users have not stopped, and, unfortunately, Fun and Games is without a leader."
The assembled users nodded and once again began whispering to each other.
"To that end," continued SC, "the Fun and Games staff members, as well as the administrators have decided on a new Section Head, who will help guide us back to better times."
More mumbling occurred in the crowd, as the users wondered who had been nominated. The admin turned to look behind her, where the other staff members were seated.
"Maniacal Engineer, please step forward," she said.
The mad scientist arose to thundering applause, as he walked over to the Head Administrator. TM28 joined them, holding a copy of the Bulbagarden Forum rules.
"Place your right hand here," said TM28, instructing ME to lay his hand on the rulebook.
ME complied.
"Do you solemnly swear to uphold the rules of Bulbagarden, and to care for and protect the users and your fellow staff members of Bulbagarden so help you Lord Helix?"
"I do," affirmed ME.
"Then by the will of Archaic, the gaze of Arceus, and the wisdom of the Helix , I now hereby officially promote you to Section Head of the Fun and Games section, as well as to the rank of Super Moderator."

TM28 took off ME's Moderator badge, and replaced it with the Super Moderator badge, and also pinned on the Section Head badge.
"Congratulations," said the admin, smiling.

Newly emboldened, ME stepped up to the podium, as the admins sat down.
"My friends," he said, glancing around the room at the eager, amused, anxious, and angry faces, "I know that this has been a difficult time for all of us. It seems like the Trolls are unstoppable, and Enzap's betrayal has hit all of us hard. Enzap was my friend, my mentor, and one of the very few people that I looked up to, but he took that trust, and he took that friendship, and he threw it all away, and that hurts. A lot."
He sighed and gazed into the crowd.
"I'll be honest with you all, I did not want this job," continued the madman, "but I accepted the promotion, not for myself, but for all of you. At times like this, people look to their leaders for guidance and for support, and I promise you all that I will dedicate all of my new power, all of my cunning, and all of my technological terrors toward stopping these attacks and banning the Trolls once and for all. And I will not rest until those users who were attacked by the spambots have been brought back and restored to us."
He paused for a moment, his words hanging in the air briefly.
"They say that great men are forged by fire, and I was forged in the great Flame Wars at the dawn of the Internet. I was a Troll for many years, even on this forum for a while. My regret for all the terrible things that I have done is sincere and heartfelt, and I will not let the Trolls come along and ruin this wonderful forum. We should all be proud of the Fun and Games section. It was a place where anybody could come, relax, and have a good time. My goal is straightforward. I will restore the Fun and Games section to its former glory, before these insidious attacks began, and I will find who's responsible for committing them, and, believe me, they will burn."
The crowd erupted into applause at the new Section Head's words of comfort, sympathy, encouragement, and remorse. Meanwhile, Zexy, still sitting on the stage with the other staff members, was stunned.
"I'll be damned," he thought, noticing how ME wasn't reading from a script or a teleprompter, "he really was composing a speech last night."
ME raised his hand in acknowledgement of the applause, and, immediately, silence reigned.
"There is much work to be done," he concluded, "and so I will get right to it."
With that, Maniacal Engineer turned around 180 degrees and walked out of the room.
Following the Super Mod's lead, the other staff members departed, and the regular users began filing out, all while chatting among themselves at the latest developments.

Sitting in his office at the top of the Troll Tower, jackatlasred was watching a recap of the promotion ceremony, a bowl of spam on his lap that he would occasionally munch from.
"I will find who's responsible for committing them, and, believe me, they will burn," said ME's image on the main screen.
jack laughed darkly.
"You know, ME, I almost believe you," he said, "almost."

 

[Maniacal Engineer]

Oh, and by the way, just when you all thought I was done canonizing other mafia games into the BMU, Fruit Bowl Mafia and Fruit Bowl Mafia 2 have both now been canonized into the BMU as drunken delusions that ME has in his own kitchen.

 

[Zexy]

Fruit Bowl Mafia and Fruit Bowl Mafia 2 have both now been canonized into the BMU as drunken delusions that ME has in his own kitchen.

not far from the real life truth

 

[Maniacal Engineer]

Bonus Scene 5: Last Laugh of the Maniac

Maniacal Engineer stood over the remains of Zexy's account, blood seeping from various scrapes and bruises. Scores of Zexy Zombies lay scattered around the scene, each impaled by several knives. His head pounding, ME took several deep breaths to calm himself down. The room was spinning. ME reached into his trench coat for his emergency whiskey and pulled out a bottle of Maker's Mark. He chugged straight from the bottle.
Having calmed his nerves, ME staggered out of the lounge, limping slightly.
"You put up a good fight, my young padawan," he said, glancing back at the fallen moderator, "I'll give you credit for that."
As he departed, ME alighted the lounge on fire, and walked off into the night as the building was consumed by flames.

The following morning, Maniacal Engineer had a meeting with Shiny Celebi, who was checking to see if ME was adjusting to his new position and to determine progress on the campaign against the Trolls.
Arriving half an hour early, the Head Administrator was surprised to find the new Section Head already in his office, a glass of Hibiki Suntory whiskey in his left hand, and a copy of that morning's briefings in his right hand. He looked a little rough around the edges, as though he wasn't getting any sleep.
On seeing the admin, he immediately rose and greeted her cheerfully. At a closer glance, Shiny Celebi noticed that ME's hair was graying faster than it had already been and that dark circles had formed under his eyes.
"Please take a seat," said the Super Mod, gesturing to the seat on the opposite side of his desk. The two sat as ME picked up the briefing once more, and continued scanning it. His brow furrowed.
"ME, are you getting enough sleep?" asked the admin, concerned.
"There was a fire at the RM lounge last night," he remarked, changing the subject.
"ME, don't burn yourself out dealing with this Troll situation," said Shiny Celebi, firmly, "your health and safety come first."
"I'll be fine," demurred the madman, "after this is over, I intend to step down and let the rightful Section Head take over."
"We chose you," said the admin, "by definition, that makes you the rightful Section Head, and it wasn't intended to be just for this situation."
ME shook his head.
"We can talk about this later," he said, "in the meantime, there is work to do."
"Very well," said SC, although she was still concerned.
At that moment, TheCapsFan rushed into the office. Seeing the Head Administrator, he breathed a sigh of relief.
"Shiny Celebi," he said, still breathing heavily from his rush, "can I borrow you for a second?"
Confused, the admin followed the insistent moderator out of ME's office. Caps led her into his own office and shut the door.
"What's this all about?" demanded the admin, "you interrupted my meeting with your Section Head."
"I apologize, SC," said Caps, "but this was an emergency."
"Oh?" asked the Head Admin, intrigued.
"I was looking through the charred remains of the RM lounge, and I found several burnt bodies," reported the youngest F&G mod, "the bodies were all identical, and Zexy hasn't come in yet today."
"So you think that the fire was an attack on Zexy by the Trolls?" inquired the admin.
"No," said Caps, shaking his head, "the fire was a cover up. The bodies were dead before they were burned. According to returnofMCH, the cause of death was repeated stabbing and Knock, Knock jokes."
"Knock, Knock jokes?" asked Shiny Celebi, putting two and two together, "then that would mean..."
"Exactly," confirmed Caps, nodding, "that's why I had to get you out of there."
"I understand," said the admin, "thanks for the information. The admins will take it from here."
Shiny Celebi exited from TheCapsFan's office and headed back into ME's office.
The corrupt Section Head was still gazing over the morning briefing and sipping his whiskey.
The Head Administrator leaned over the Super Mod, getting his attention.
"It's over, ME," said Shiny Celebi, "you were caught killing Zexy last night."
ME raised his eyebrow and set down his drink slowly.
"Over?" he said laughing, "you think this is over? My dear Shiny Celebi, it hasn't even begun yet!"
Shiny Celebi pulled out the banhammer and swung it at the insane engineer. The deadly weapon passed right through the corrupted Section Head.
"A hologram," thought the admin, "he must have realized that he'd been caught and fled while I was talking to Caps."

Suddenly, all the monitors in the F&G Administration building turned on. Throughout the Fun & Games Section, all televisions, computers, and cellphones began broadcasting the same message, Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up was played in stereo.

Mass panic ensued throughout the section, as the confused users stared at their screens in shock. After the song was finished, it was replaced by an image of Maniacal Engineer.
"I am Maniacal Engineer," the image said, in a loud booming voice, "and I am the greatest Troll of all Times. Alas, I have been caught once more, but I refuse to go down without a fight. I will see this section go down in flames, and I will have revenge for all my Troll brethren."
The Troll held up a trigger.
"I have here a trigger, hardwired into several thousand spambots that have been laying dormant in the section," explained the trollish mastermind, "when I push this button, the spambots will activate, spouting out nonsense and consuming this entire section in spam and flames. It's over. I've won."
Maniacal Engineer laughed sinisterly.

Meanwhile, Shiny Celebi had summoned the other administrators, and they were searching the F&G administration building, along with Scarlet Sky and TheCapsFan.
Looking through ME's old office, TM28 discovered a secret switch hidden underneath a movie poster for Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. Pushing the switch, a mysterious staircase appeared, heading downward.
Not wanting to alert the Troll of his discovery, TM28 quickly messaged the others to let them know what he had found. Quickly, they gathered in ME's office and began descending the staircase.

"It's over," they heard, echoing off the walls as they continued down the stairs, "I've won."
ME's evil laugh chilled their bones, but fueled their determination, as they charged down to the bottom of the winding staircase and burst into a recording studio. The camera was aimed at Maniacal Engineer, who was sitting with the trigger in one hand, and his glass of Hibiki in the other.
His laughter cut off abruptly, as he noticed the arrival of the staff members.
"Hold it!" he demanded, displaying the trigger, "one step closer, and I'll have this section consumed in flames."
The staffers hesitated, unsure how to proceed. As the stalemate continued, ME stared into the camera.
"You see?" he said to the masses, "not even the staff members can stop ME!"

Suddenly, the engineer's confident smirk turned into a grimace. Pain coursed through his body, as he dropped both his glass of whiskey and the detonator.
Instantly, Hanzo in Plain Sight rushed forward and grabbed the detonator, while Shiny Celebi pulled out the banhammer and flattened the convulsing Troll with it.
As his account disintegrated into nothing, ME began coughing up blood.
"I-I don't understand," were his final words, as he disappeared.

Curious, Hanzo stared at the detonator in his hand. Shrugging his pushed the button.
"What are you-?" began Sky, but was cut off as the detonator emitted a small banner that said "Bang!"
Hanzo chuckled slightly.
"He was bluffing the whole time," the Deputy Head Administrator said, "his last laugh..."

 

[Maniacal Engineer]

And that is the final piece of Flavor Text that I will write for this particular project.
I could go on and write many more scenes, like the battle between myself and Zexy which immediately precedes the above scene, but I need to move on to other projects. There's a lot to work with here, and this has been a lot of fun, but now, at long last, this game is over.