Maybe he should focus his attention on the plot?
No, honestly I feel the opening lines are quite amusing.
I felt like you established this in the last chapter? (Either directly or indirectly). (Although I don't recall so if you didn't then ignore this)
Good use of foreign language and ample...
I'm not a mod but can you please write your fic in black text? Three of the four chapters are written solely in white text which is incredibly hard to read with some website themes and monitors.
The 'scale' is based on how 'removed' the story is from canon: events, characters, locations, worldbuilding and laws. Starting at Type '0' and ending at Type '12'. The higher the number, the further it is from the original canon.
- Direct Retelling (Type: 0)
Unless you are writing a...
@Nitro Indigo
Ah, sorry! Should have specified that this is both halfway through a scene and a second draft - I haven't fine-tuned it in the grammar department as of yet. Although I don't quite get the 'odd sentence structure' comment. Maybe I'll see it when I do fine-tune it though.
- skip me -
@Jared DiCarlo
Your general formatting on the 'script fic' style is better than what I saw previously in this thread. Adding description to each of the scenes certainly, do a lot to help the context of the story. I still think you can add some more description into the script, however. Try...
From an in-universe perspective 'when people go to the Pokemon world they get turned into a Pokemon with a likeness to themselves' probably still holds true. (Even outside of the player character themselves Gengar, for example, holds a mischevious and villainous personality which is portrayed...
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Hands of Creation
- Base Review: 2
- 600 words: 2
- 100 words on Owen: 2
- Comments on Prologue: 1
Points: 7
Because You Were There
- Base Review: 2
- 600 words: 2
- Awards Judging: 2
- 100 words on Sombra: 2
Points: 8
some rise by sin
- Base Review: 2
- 2000 words...
I feel like they cut because of feedback from previous games, the idea that people were just 'tricking' the quiz in order to get the Pokemon that they wanted. Of course, when they did this, it was a very unpopular decision. So they brought it back for Super Mystery Dungeon, making it alike to...
The start of this fic feels like a fairly mixed bag. It’s definitely not bad but a few areas let it down a bit.
You’ve established a world fairly similar to the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon games with some new twists that make it more unique. ‘The association’ is like the guild from PMD2 with a...
The theme and premise of this story is an interesting and fun one. Mechs and Pokémon are a rarely seen combination – especially since its focus is not purely action based. The fic also keeps a steady theme of friendship and the bond between Humans and Pokémon throughout. The fic, despite being...
The plot isn’t much like the typical journey fic. It departs from many of the standard Journey Fic staples which brings many positive but also some negative aspects to the story in general. The original plot helps set up more consequences and complications to a Journey fic that most people...
Interestingly, the Pokemon world (as shown with the personality tests at the start of almost all the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon games) insists that you keep (most of) your personality through the transformation somehow, since it assigns you a Pokemon based on what sort of person you were previously...
@unrepentantAuthor
I never really had a 'spirit' in mind for this thread it's mostly used for authors themselves to develop their characters rather than for the person writing the question themselves to come up with a good question and get an answer back. Of course, if the character dodges the...
or the criminal laboratory life? is that easier or harder?
If only you were as immortal as your red barrette Eris.
Out for you? But in what way?
If the Deprogramming answers any big questions it should be that the meaning of life is actually a box with liquid in it.
So this man has but one...
@diamondpearl876
When I mean themes of discrimanation I mean 'this story is largely about real world discrimantion and the characters and situations will reflect that'. Especially if the story itself is being told from the perspective of a bigoted character. If the story has major themes of this...
Slurs are easier to judge in the context they are used in. What is a slur often depends on the person, sub-culture or culture you are referring to. The idea of 'mature slurs' can also be hard to complete because of this, aside from the words that are universally offensive to everyone - It'll be...
@unrepentantAuthor this was more directed towards people who write 10,000+ word chapters. 6500-9999 word chapters can be justified by context. When the chapters get to 10,000 words + it becomes harder and harder to really justify and the more likely the chapters is to be bloated (or simply...
Some people say 'however long it needs to be' which is almost entirely untrue. Chapters which are super long can be a sign the writing has become bloated and the pacing has slowed down. By the standards of a regular novel, most chapters are about 1000 to 6500 words. Unless the story is a...
Jesus, those programmers must have been very disrespectful to not program in basic human functions.
Like I'm gonna love this chapter? :eyes:
So the people at Team Rocket HQ are also powered by hatred?
Whoa! Very on-the-nose there.
But you'll still join Team Rocket - which is also illegal...
I don't remember when I first started 'writing' as such. But most of it came in the form of Hetalia fanfiction (read: not Pokemon) fanfiction at first.
Can you say Purple Prose?
Then I kinda moved onto this prose poetry style for a bit, not for long (but I still did it).
Continuing with...
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