EVERYONE: A Nova’s Zenith

[Anime Psyclone]

This is the story of one boy, his friend, and his discoveries. The story gradually resolves old mysteries and proposes new ones. If you have a question about something that happens in the story, chances are it will be resolved later.

Spoiler: C1: First Light

One boy awoke. He remembered when his father said “You can do anything as long as you believe you can.” But he was long dead. The boy was alone. It was time to read.
The boy grabbed a book about Nikola Tesla, but then dropped it. He went over to a notecard. On it, it said what he wanted to do when he was older. He knew that in the Solar System, life only existed on Earth. The notecard had one thing on it that he knew would be revolutionary: “Discover a new planet”. If so, Telsa’s belief that he found aliens...
It could be true.

Spoiler: C2: Falling Apart

The young boy remembered that he had to go to school. But that thought only made him want to hide. He hated school. Anything important or fun was so toned down and boring it was near impossible to pay attention. Only once had he ever have fun in class: A scientific movie about space. He knew a lot about space even from a young age, as his father was a NASA researcher, but the video was still fun, explaining the history of how space was interpreted, talking about constellations and other space things. And he thought about his father, someone who thought aliens existed and wanted to communicate with them. But when an earthquake collapsed a facility he was working in, the young boy was devastated. But he thought about finding aliens, like his father wanted to do. His teacher said that aliens don’t exist, but...
She might be wrong.

 

[canisaries]

Would you like some critique on this?

 

[Anime Psyclone]

Would you like some critique on this?

Why would I not?

 

[canisaries]

Mostly the reason why I asked if you wanted it was because this is pretty short. I was under the impression that it was under editing or something and that you were going to post more soon. I mean, this is 12 sentences, if I counted correctly. I didn't think I could really give critique with only such a small amount, but if you feel that this does reflect your writing enough to already receive critique, I'll just get to it:

I have to be frank: Right now, this is very cluttered and hard to read. From the short sentences, I can tell that you want this to be dramatic - In that case, you should use a lot more row changes, to have your sentences have more impact. Row changes make the reader read the text more slowly, and therefore concentrate on the words more. That's imperative if you want the readers to connect to your story, especially at the beginning, since the audience has no prior experience with this "boy" and there's little to nothing revealed about him here. I know you said you want this to be mysterious, but right now there's nothing engaging me to this mystery. That's one of the reasons why I think you probably should have made your first update a bit longer - so that a reader would have more time to get invested and learn more about the surroundings.

I wish I had something positive to say, but as of now there's just so little material that I can't really say anything besides the aesthetic critique. Good luck with the following parts, though, I'll look at them and give more in-depth thoughts when there's more to grab onto.

 

[Anime Psyclone]

That's imperative if you want the readers to connect to your story, especially at the beginning, since the audience has no prior experience with this "boy" and there's little to nothing revealed about him here.

Well, around Chapter 3 his name will be revealed and in Chapter 2 we will learn about his dead father.

 

[canisaries]

...That's still not really all that much. I don't know what kind of person this boy is. A name and a dead father is not enough to make me care about a stranger I've just met. I'd like to hear more about how this boy thinks, what sets him apart from the rest as a person to be the protagonist of this story. You did say "this is the story of one boy --", so I imagine he himself is important.
I'm just worried because the beginning is very important for any story. It's the first impression that usually makes a reader consider reading more.

 

[Anime Psyclone]

...That's still not really all that much. I don't know what kind of person this boy is. A name and a dead father is not enough to make me care about a stranger I've just met. I'd like to hear more about how this boy thinks, what sets him apart from the rest as a person to be the protagonist of this story. You did say "this is the story of one boy --", so I imagine he himself is important.
I'm just worried because the beginning is very important for any story. It's the first impression that usually makes a reader consider reading more.

Spoilers for the end of the story.

Spoiler

He ends up making contact with aliens. He has been obsessed with space and eventually sends a message to another planet, and gets a response.

The story is also meant to break standard conventions.

 

[Ghostsoul]

One boy awoke. He remembered when his father said

Is this the only thing he thought about/did as he woke up?

“You can do anything as long as you believe you can.” But he was long dead. The boy was alone.

There's little description here of what actually happened.

but then dropped it

How and why did he drop it?

“Discover a new planet”. If so, Telsa’s belief that he found aliens...
It could be true.

What kind of new planet? Where? What does he expect to find there, for example.

I think that you have an interesting premise here, and I do like the title that you chose.
However, the story itself feels a bit like a summary, this happens, then this happens without my detail or description as to how or to why.
I recommend reading a few more fics on the site, or just reading more in general which will help you develop a better idea of how to portray plot points with more and better detail to help keep the reader hooked!

 

[Anime Psyclone]

Chapter 2 out now.

 

[canisaries]

The story is also meant to break standard conventions.

I can't really get behind this, since when I say "conventional story", I don't mean just mean the Hero's Journey. I mean prose, in contrast to, say, poetry or drama. So something that tells a story.

When you say "break standard conventions", what do you mean? Do you mean this story is modernist? Postmodernist? Or do you just mean that it's not cliché, but that it still has a beginning, middle and an end? Because no matter what you answered to that question, you still have to make the story engaging. I would just like you to at least consider my criticism.

Spoiler

And, for the ending... I really don't think you should have just straight up told me that. You said mystery was important, and now you kind of just... spoiled it all.
Also, I'm sorry to say, but the ending definitely isn't unconventional to me. It is pretty much exactly how one would think that story would end. In fact, if he ended up NOT finding anything, that'd be pretty interesting.

 

[Anime Psyclone]

I can't really get behind this, since when I say "conventional story", I don't mean just mean the Hero's Journey. I mean prose, in contrast to, say, poetry or drama. So something that tells a story.

When you say "break standard conventions", what do you mean? Do you mean this story is modernist? Postmodernist? Or do you just mean that it's not cliché, but that it still has a beginning, middle and an end? Because no matter what you answered to that question, you still have to make the story engaging. I would just like you to at least consider my criticism.

Spoiler

And, for the ending... I really don't think you should have just straight up told me that. You said mystery was important, and now you kind of just... spoiled it all.
Also, I'm sorry to say, but the ending definitely isn't unconventional to me. It is pretty much exactly how one would think that story would end. In fact, if he ended up NOT finding anything, that'd be pretty interesting.

By breaking standard conventions, I mean the standard story plot.

Spoiler

I plan for things not to follow it completely. I’m explaining the boy’s father and not so much of the boy, and most of the boy's personality will be explained later on in the book.
Also, guess the boy’s name. It’s in the title.
I will reveal it in Chapter 3, along with the other main char.

 

[Ghostsoul]

Anything important or fun was so toned down and boring it was near impossible to pay attention.

That's just what school is like for the most part, I'm afraid.

By breaking standard conventions, I mean the standard story plot.

Spoiler

I plan for things not to follow it completely. I’m explaining the boy’s father and not so much of the boy, and most of the boy's personality will be explained later on in the book.
Also, guess the boy’s name. It’s in the title.
I will reveal it in Chapter 3, along with the other main char.

I think what your looking for might be this? In Medias Res - Tv Tropes

It doesn't really matter how you write the story, or which order you choose to put it in, you still need to explain the details of the environment and emotions of the characters in some way in order to help the reader get immersed. Which I think your story needs a lot more of, right now.

 

[Anime Psyclone]

That's just what school is like for the most part, I'm afraid.



I think what your looking for might be this? In Medias Res - Tv Tropes

It doesn't really matter how you write the story, or which order you choose to put it in, you still need to explain the details of the environment and emotions of the characters in some way in order to help the reader get immersed. Which I think your story needs a lot more of, right now.

I think the best way to sum up this story is your usertitle.
Even if there are a lot of weird decisions, it’s fun to write and leaves many mysteries that will be filled in later.