April Fool's 2017 - Nanu's Grand Trial

[diamondpearl876]

Greetings, members of the Shady Script Vault. There's been something... interesting happening in my life lately, something I don't quite understand, and I was thinking that maybe you all could all help me get to the bottom of it.

Honestly, I wouldn't even know where to begin explaining what's been happening. I think we'd be able to figure it out together better if you lived through it with me. So let's get started.

Read the following, and respond with commands. For example, you might respond with a simple "yes" or "no," or you may request that you examine a certain item, or to talk to a certain person. You may also provide specific dialogue. In short, whatever you command is what you will do in the story. As Ula'ula island's kahuna, I'll be the one guiding us through the story's beginning, middle, and end.

(Mod note: multiple members may post commands before I post the parts with longer prose. Commands can be short and sweet; I'm not expecting real story material. Derail the story as much as you want. If commands conflict one another, I will work with the command posted first. Other WW mods may post, but I'll be providing most of the main prose.)

NANU'S GRAND TRIAL​

You think it's time go home. It's getting late, and if you don't get a move on, you'll miss the last bus from Malie to Po Town. Besides, Ula'ula island's kahuna, who also happens to be your host, hasn't moved from his desk for the past half hour.

Nanu's naturally a quiet kind of guy, but he looks especially tense right now, hunched over his laptop with an intense, focused expression. He's even been ignoring his persian, who's been persistent with purring and rubbing her head against his knee to get his attention. The fact that he works as a police officer, too, and the pile of dysfunctional beast balls at his feet makes you feel like you shouldn't overstay your welcome.

You're about to say goodbye when he turns to you, one eyebrow raised. "Come here," he says, waving you over. "I want you to take a look at something."

And how can you say no? You make your way to him, and, peering over his shoulder, you see several walls of text on his laptop screen. You don't even get past the first line before your eyes go wide in shock.

"You're gross, old man," I said to Nanu, chuckling. And just to spite him, I stayed until the morning.

"Can you believe it?" Nanu asks you. "People on the internet are writing fanfiction about me."

Do you dare keep reading? What can you even say to a statement like that?

 

[Flaze]

Ask what the fanfic's are about.

 

[Kharixi]

Look him in the eyes and say, "Why are you reading these?"

 

[diamondpearl876]

Ask what the fanfic's are about.

You need more information on this whole fanfiction thing before you can respond properly. Nanu being a gross old man might be true - the wrinkles on his face seem to deepen every time you see him, and he should really do something about those blood red eyes of his - but in this context, is it an insult or a compliment? Is the person speaking to Nanu a friend, a family member, or what?

You ask what the fanfics are about, genuinely curious.

"Well," Nanu starts, inhaling deeply, "that's a good question. Most of the stories I've seen don't have much of a plot, though there's been some murder mystery kind of stuff. A lot of authors say their characters are called self-inserts... and then, there's a bunch of dialogue between me and the characters. Like they're trying to get inside my head."

Look him in the eyes and say, "Why are you reading these?"

You stare at him, dumbfounded. Nanu stares right back. You maintain the eye contact and ask slowly, "Why are you reading these?" There's so many other things Nanu could be doing with his time. He's a busy man, after all, and you thought he was doing more research into those Ultra Beasts before you decided to head home.

"For entertainment, mostly. Cripes, who knew I was so popular? ...Anyway, why don't you read for yourself and see what you think?" Nanu asks, standing up and gesturing toward the laptop.

What do you do now?

 

[Kharixi]

Step away, saying, "No, thank you. I'd rather not."

 

[Arkadelphiak]

Whisper: "I don't want to read, I want you to be my cat D A D D Y"

 

[diamondpearl876]

Step away, saying, "No, thank you. I'd rather not."

Step away, saying, "No, thank you. I'd rather not."

You really, really think it's time go home now. This visit's suddenly turned out to be more than you bargained for.

"No, thank you," you mumble. "I'd rather not." You step back, nearly tripping over one of the beast balls. The beast ball rolls and Nanu's persian runs to catch it and roll it back and forth between its paws.

Whisper: "I don't want to read, I want you to be my cat D A D D Y"

The sight of the feline makes you second guess yourself. Honestly, you've always been kind of jealous of Nanu's pet. You visit Malie often, and you always make it a point to stop by Nanu's house if you know he'll be around. Persian, on the other hand, gets to see Nanu on a regular basis. And now, with Nanu attracting the attention of people all over the Alola region, or maybe even all over the world...

You whisper in a low voice, "I don't want to read, I want you to be my cat daddy." Just like he's Persian's cat daddy.

Nanu gestures toward the laptop again. He didn't hear you. You're safe for the time being. What should you do now?

 

[Kharixi]

"I appreciate the offer, sir," I say politely, "but I'd rather not read anything... unofficial about you."

 

[AceTrainer14]

The sounds of waves crashing outside grabs your attention. "Why don't we go outside, you know, to the water."

 

[Syrinaris]

"Your Persian looks like it's gonna hack up a hairball"

 

[diamondpearl876]

"I appreciate the offer, sir," I say politely, "but I'd rather not read anything... unofficial about you."

First things first, you should clarify your refusal. Those bloodshot eyes staring at you are borderline hypnotizing, and you don't want to say anything too loud that you'd regret. At least, you don't think you do.

"I appreciate the offer, sir," you say politely, "but I'd rather not read anything... unofficial about you."

"No? Those are the best parts, I'd say," Nanu says, but he just shrugs and takes a seat again. "The first story I found that was written about me had me talking to all kinds of inanimate objects, like I'd gone senile."

The sounds of waves crashing outside grabs your attention. "Why don't we go outside, you know, to the water."

You still don't want to read, and Nanu's persistent. So you'll just have to pry him away from the laptop. You get an idea when the sounds of waves crashing outside grabs your attention. "Why don't we go outside, you know, to the water."

Peering outside, you notice the sunset. You'll definitely miss the bus back to Po Town now, but that's okay. You'll walk, find a roadside hotel to crash in if you get tired. Maybe Nanu will just let you stay till the morning, if it gets late enough.

"Yeah, sure," Nanu says, closing the laptop lid. "This thing's not going anywhere, right?"

You nod.

"Your Persian looks like it's gonna hack up a hairball"

On the way out, you notice Nanu's persian again, the lucky little pet. Her expression looks a bit twisted, like yours or Nanu's or someone's might if they were about to sneeze. Knowing how oblivious Nanu can be to small, trivial cues like these, you offer a suggestion.

"Your Persian looks like it's gonna hack up a hairball," you start, and then you add how Persian should tag along. Some fresh air could do her wonders.

Nanu nods, and moments later, you're all out the door.

What do you see first?

 

[AceTrainer14]

A fat Pikipek flies right past, soaring towards the cliffs.

 

[kintsugi]

Eat it.

 

[diamondpearl876]

A fat Pikipek flies right past, soaring towards the cliffs.

It's almost completely dark out, but there's just enough light for you to spot a fat pikipek as it flies right past, soaring towards the cliffs to the north. Nanu hardly seems to care about it, and you shouldn't really care, either, but for some reason, you can't take your eyes off of it. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Persian's got a similar intense expression on her face.

You glance between the pikipek and Nanu, then you glower at the persian. Since Nanu's dense and stubborn, there's no way you'll ever be able to get him to favor you over Persian. Right then and there, you make it a goal to make Persian's life a living hell. And right then and there, you decide you have to start somewhere, so you start with stealing Persian's pray, the pikipek.

You don't know what went wrong in your life to make you want a cat daddy so badly. But you dive in anyway.

Eat it.

Your chase leads you near the beach, where the fat pikipek decides it should land on the sand and dig for some worms. Perfect. You're no pokemon yourself, so losing the pikipek to the cliffs would've put a dent in your plans far too soon. The image of Nanu's persian looking at you smugly only motivates you further, and you have to restrain yourself as best you can to not alert the pikipek to your presence. When the time is right, you pounce. And you didn't think this far ahead. You can't fight in a real battle.

It hits you quickly. Persian would eat the pikipek. Probably. You can't say for sure, but this is an evil persian if you ever saw one, so probably.

You chomp down without another moment's hesitation.

What on earth is wrong with you? Do you even care? What can you do next to ruin Nanu's persian's life?

 

[kintsugi]

Assert dominance. Eat it.

 

[AceTrainer14]

Down below you hear the waves crashing again. Distracted, you think of all the fun memories you have beneath the waves.

 

[Kharixi]

Break down, cry, and apologize with a hug.

 

[Arkadelphiak]

EMBRACE YOUR CAT D A D D Y AND CONFESS YOUR LOVE

 

[diamondpearl876]

Assert dominance. Eat it.

On second thought, you could end this jealousy-fueled feud as soon as possible. If Persian were out of the picture, Nanu would have to notice you, wouldn't he? There be no competition left, except maybe the strange fanfiction writers that have taken an interest in the cat daddy. If he catches another persian, or if the fanfiction writers come knocking at his door, you suppose you'll deal with it then.

You don't have any weapons on you. You don't own a pokemon, and now you kind of wish the pikipek was around to battle for you. You're not sure how well this will go a second time, but you feel compelled to at least try with Nanu standing there, lost and bewildered by the unexpected chain of events.

You pounce on Persian, and your teeth sink into its flesh, fascinated by how the pikipek's blood mixes with the feline's.

Down below you hear the waves crashing again. Distracted, you think of all the fun memories you have beneath the waves.

Very quickly, you realize that asserting dominance via a human version of Bite is futile. The persian's half your size, and much tougher to boot. Again, the sound of the waves crashing on the cliffs attracts your attention. You've swam here with Nanu before, and you walk along the shore every time you visit him. Why not make the best memory of all here? If your feud with Persian ends, the beginning of the rest of your life with Nanu will begin.

You grab Persian by its collar and try to drag her to the edge of the water. She fights back, though, and the two of you wind up wrestling in the sand.

Break down, cry, and apologize with a hug.

In the midst of your wrestling match with Persian, you catch sight of Nanu. For all his police training and for all the battles he's fought as the island kahuna, he's speechless and appears to still be calculating a course of action. You can't stand seeing him like this, not least because it's your fault so you release your grip on Persian. She runs to his side, of course, the damn cat, and instinctively, you follow. It could just be a bit of ocean water that made it onto your face, but no, those are real tears rolling down your cheeks. You reach out to Nanu to apologize, knowing Persian won't attack you first if she's not asked to. You wrap your arms around him in a tight embrace, waiting for him to return the gesture.

EMBRACE YOUR CAT D A D D Y AND CONFESS YOUR LOVE

Nanu, for reasons you can't quite understand, isn't too fond of your hug. You have to do something, and quickly. You squeeze him tighter and blurt out the words you've been dying to say from the day you met him. You tell him you love him, but still, Nanu offers no response.

What could you possibly do to earn Nanu's love after everything that just transpired?

 

[Syrinaris]

"I'll hunt down and fight that psychotic Fearow that tried to attack Persian a while back! I'll fight it with my bare hands!"