EVERYONE: Love in a strange manner.

[KenzeyEevee]

It was a beautifull Monday morning where I lived. I didnt know that I would met the girl of my life today. She had brown hair and loveley eyes. I met her in the metreo. Her name was Sarah. She worked in a big company with 10000 people. She said she had a lot of stress today.... Then she was at her destination and I never saw her again..... At least I thought so. Bigger was the surprise she took the same metreo back and she sat on the same spot. My heart skipped a beat when I saw her again.. But I knew I must stay calm.. So I breath in and out and asked her: how was your day? She smiled and she said: good, you made my relaxed and that is why it went good. I was shocked by hearing this. T-thank you, I answered.. So what happend? I asked Sarah. She says: I am fired,, my boss said I am an horrible employee. Oh.... You arent horrible you are kind. He is a jerk that he couldnt see how good you are! Then....an uncomfortable silence followed.
Until she said: you, you are amazing.. What is your name she asked. Kenzey I answered.

 

[diamondpearl876]

Hello! It looks like we have a new face here, so I thought I'd drop by and say welcome to the Workshop.

It's kind of hard for me to leave a comprehensive review right now when the beginning is so short. There's a lot of details that I might suggest expanding on, such as what kind of company Sarah works for and what Kenzey's doing in the metro himself. Is he going to his own job, visiting a family member, or what? There's lots of description you could use to help flesh the setting out and to help give the reader a clear picture of what's happening. I'd also be interested in finding out what Kenzey found so attractive about Sarah right off the bat.

It does look like you have a good grasp on the story you want to tell and the characters you want to portray. To me, this seems like it'll be a romance story above all else. I could be wrong, though! I'm also kind of unsure if this is original fiction or Pokemon, but explicitly including aspects of the Pokemon world aren't necessary in the beginning, really.

At any rate, if you get stuck with your story and need some ideas, consider taking a look at our various Workshop Academy lessons. Those lessons offer insight into different aspects of writing, such as description, worldbuilding, and characters. You can also take a look at the Workshop Directory (we have one for ongoing stories and one for completed stories). Reading other fanfic, or any kind of writing, really, will give you a better idea on how to shape your own story. If you feel comfortable doing so, feel free to add your story to the ongoing story directory. Instructions on doing so are in the first post.

Keep writing, and good luck!

 

[KenzeyEevee]

Hello! It looks like we have a new face here, so I thought I'd drop by and say welcome to the Workshop.

It's kind of hard for me to leave a comprehensive review right now when the beginning is so short. There's a lot of details that I might suggest expanding on, such as what kind of company Sarah works for and what Kenzey's doing in the metro himself. Is he going to his own job, visiting a family member, or what? There's lots of description you could use to help flesh the setting out and to help give the reader a clear picture of what's happening. I'd also be interested in finding out what Kenzey found so attractive about Sarah right off the bat.

It does look like you have a good grasp on the story you want to tell and the characters you want to portray. To me, this seems like it'll be a romance story above all else. I could be wrong, though! I'm also kind of unsure if this is original fiction or Pokemon, but explicitly including aspects of the Pokemon world aren't necessary in the beginning, really.

At any rate, if you get stuck with your story and need some ideas, consider taking a look at our various Workshop Academy lessons. Those lessons offer insight into different aspects of writing, such as description, worldbuilding, and characters. You can also take a look at the Workshop Directory (we have one for ongoing stories and one for completed stories). Reading other fanfic, or any kind of writing, really, will give you a better idea on how to shape your own story. If you feel comfortable doing so, feel free to add your story to the ongoing story directory. Instructions on doing so are in the first post.

Keep writing, and good luck!

Thank you!

 

[Deleted member 72389]

Hey, I didn't knew you wrote stories too! When I saw this was written by you I came eagerly to read it.

This seems like a very interesting concept. The main character really seems to like the girl Sarah, which is sweet. There is a lot of potential to make this an interesting romance story, although you can make it anything else too. Is this Pokémon fanfic or original fiction? I liked it either way though.

There were some spelling mistakes, such as you spelled the words, 'lovely' and 'metro' wrong. And maybe you should start dialogue by different character on the next line. But overall it was fine.

I am looking forward to reading more of this. Also, it would be nice to know more details about Sarah and Kenzey.