TEEN: Pokèmon Spectrum (An Original Journey Fic) - Weekly Short Story "Movie Time", June 8th 2017

[Jaypom]

Hey guys, Happy 2016! Thought I might as well go ahead and give an update as to what you readers can expect ^_^

So I realize I have a habit of releasing Chapters a lot more during Holiday breaks and I actually will be returning to school on the 4th of January so that's just great
But I will do my best to continue on with writing and releasing chapters since I am pretty well planned for about... eh... 100 or so chapters worth of content

Any-who, what you guys can expect to happen within the upcoming chapters/year:
(Mostly in order)
-Captures for Jacob, Kyoko, Aries, and Kyoko!
-Kyoko's choosing of an actual goal
-Jacob's Second Contest
-The Debut of the Accelia Champion
-Russo's Second Gym Battle
-Aries' Backstory beginning


This year should definitely be pretty exciting!! Hope you guys stay tuned for the second part to the two-parter contest chapter

 

[Jaypom]

Chapter 13:
Shine Your Way To Stardom (Part 2)​

Jacob’s Aipom climbed down onto his shoulder and stared out into the crowd.

A lump began forming in Jacob’s neck as it felt like forever until the audience stood to applaud and cheer. As the crowd roared, Jacob’s face brightened immediately and he waved out to the crowd with Aipom as he departed the stage.

Maxim and his Chingling re-entered the stage with a light twirl and held his microphone into the air, “Alright folks, time to submit your scores for the final contestant, Jacob!” he called.





Jacob walked back into the waiting area where the group of coordinators had crowded around the center screen to see the results of the performance round.

Aipom hopped off Jacob’s shoulder and looked towards the door as Russo, Aries, and Kyoko burst through the main door and ran to Jacob.

Aries wrapped her arms around Jacob excitedly, “That was amazing Jacob! We never even saw you both practice that, when did you come up with that…”

“Swift Swings,” Jacob answered, “It was this old game Aipom and I used to play when I was little. Whoever stood on the stars the longest was the winner. Before I left on my journey, though, we turned it into a performance.”

Aries clapped her hands, “It was awesome! Wasn’t it you guys,” she turned and asked Russo and Kyoko.

Kyoko was holding a small camcorder, “Heck yeah! I even videotaped it too, I figured if you guys ever wanted to look back on your battles, you can, with this. I even have Russo’s battle videotaped.”

Russo scratched the back of his head and looked away, “It was alright… not something I’d ever want to do…” he trailed off.

Jacob picked up Aipom and turned back to the screen as a tiny bell rang for the audience’s attention.

Maxim appeared on the screen, “And now folks, It’s time for the results of the first round! On screen are the eight coordinators that are moving on to the battle rounds,” Maxim announced as Chingling spun and tapped eight cards on the screen.

Jacob watched as the first four turned over, revealing him at the front of them! The bottom row of cards also contained Villa, as 5th, and Olivielle, as 8th. Jacob flashed an enormous smile and he hugged Aipom tightly, “We’re in first” he chanted excitedly and jumped up and down with glee!

Aries looked at Russo, who hadn’t even flashed a smile at Jacob. She hit his stomach with the back of her hand, “Well?” she whispered.

Russo looked at her and sighed, “Uh…. Congrats man?” he managed to say.

Jacob looked at him and could tell he wasn’t all that interested in the contest. He smiled anyways, appreciating his attempt. “Thank you Russo, you guys better get back to your seats. The battle-rounds are commencing.”

Aries, Kyoko, and Russo all nodded and began darting back to their seats.

Jacob smiled and clutched a fist against his chest, above his heart. “We did it Aipom… we are on our way to our first ribbon” he spoke in a soft tone.

Suddenly, he was disturbed by a loud cackle from behind. Jacob turned and looked at a bloodthirsty Villa clenching her fists and searching the room for something. Jacob felt the color drain from his face, “Please don’t be looking for me…” he muttered as a hand grabbed him and shoved him into a wall. He lost his breath for a moment but regained himself and looked deeply into Olivielle’s dark purple eyes.

She was pointing a sharp nailed finger into his neck, “Listen nerd, congrats on getting yourself into the second round and first place on the first round… but none of that matters if you can’t even win your battles, understand?” she asked.

Jacob was entirely confused; he hadn’t realized the coordinators could get so competitive.

Olivielle released Jacob from the wall and departed, leaving behind a cherry blossom scent from her perfume.









“Now then folks,” Maxim began, “It is now time for the second round battles to commence,” he called!

The stage opened up to reveal a dirt battlefield that could be used for any type of battle.

Below the stage, Jacob stood with Aipom at his feet. Jacob clutched a Seal-Pokeball in his hand and felt the nerves run down his spine.

Maxim pointed up towards a large, thirty by thirty-foot screen to keep track of the battle. “The screen above me will keep track of the scores for our battlers. Each side will begin with a full amount of points which will drop as the battle progresses. How might the points drop? Any time a battler makes a flashy move or counter or anything entertaining/skillful, their opponent’s score will drop. The battle will only end if time runs out, if one side loses its chosen Pokemon, or one side’s score drops to zero. Hope you all understand, because it’s time for our first match!”

Jacob felt the floor beneath him rise up to the rest of the battlefield and reveal him to the contest hall’s audience. He looked across and saw his opponent staring back at him with a confident sneer. Jacob felt his heart escalate its beat. “Calm down…” he muttered to himself.

Maxim turned to the audience, “Our first opponents are Jacob, our first place winner, and Felix, our fourth place winner”!

Felix called out to Jacob, “I won’t lose to you!” he taunted and tilted his hat.

Jacob analyzed his opponent.

Felix was wearing a light blue dress suit with a mahogany cane at his side. His hat was a light blue fedora also, matching the color scheme. His shoes were a bright white, matching the white inseam of his suit also.

Maxim raised his microphone into the air. “Alright, five minute on the clock…..and…. Match….. START!”

Chingling jumped into the air and cheered at the match’s clock began running.

Jacob tossed his Pokeball into the air, “Ralts, center stage” he called.

Ralts’ Pokeball spun into the air and popped open, sending out Ralts with a bright flash and swirling, pink flower petals.

Felix tossed his Pokeball into the air, “Frillish, c’mon out!” he called.

Felix’s thrown Pokeball spun into the air and popped open, sending out a blue, ghost-like jellyfish kind of Pokemon that was surrounded by bright blue, swirling bubbles.

In the audience, Russo took out his Pokedex and quickly scanned the Pokemon.

Russo’s Pokedex popped open and began feeding the desired information. “Frillish, the Floating Pokemon. Frillish will secrete a poison at its opponents to paralyze them and take them off to its undersea dungeons five miles below the ocean surface.”

Felix took initiative with the first move, “Frillish, use Water Pulse!”

Frillish stuck its hands together and formed a ball of water between them.

Ralts readied itself for Jacob’s first command, but grew worried when Jacob hadn’t made a move.

Aipom looked up at Jacob and saw he was fixated on the screen, having noticed his score moved down due to Frillish attacking first.

Frillish twirled and tossed the orb at Ralts.

“Aipa!” Aipom screamed to snap Jacob out of his trance.

Jacob shook his head and saw Ralts cowering as a speeding water pulse pursued the helpless Pokemon. “Oh crap! Ralts, jump and use Disarming Voice” Jacob quickly commanded.

Ralts looked at the water pulse and jumped up at the last second as the water splashed onto the ground. Ralts opened up its mouth wide, revealing a bright pink aura, and then screamed to release a series of pink soundwaves at Frillish.

Felix pointed his hand to the side, “Dodge Frillish, then use Confuse Ray!”

Frillish twirled to the side and formed a ring of bright, shiny, yellow orbs which were then fired at Ralts, colliding against the Feeling Pokemon and sending it into a confused state.

Jacob looked at Ralts worriedly, knowing the effect of confusion wasn’t a good thing.

Ralts grasped its head between fists and fell to its knees in pain. “Ra-Ra” it cried out in agony.

“Pull through it Ralts, I know you can!” Jacob encouraged.

Felix smiled devilishly, “This battle is mine, Frillish use- “Felix began but stopped when he noticed something was off about Frillish.

Frillish looked around with a kooky smile on its jellyfish-like face. Its eyes had glazed over and had begun to mutter a little tune that matched no known songs.

Kyoko tilted his glasses and looked at Frillish, “It seems it’s also been confused… I’d then assume it’s due to Ralts” Kyoko informed.

Aries and Russo turned to look at him confused.

“But, Disarming Voice doesn’t even confuse its opponent… plus Ralts never landed a single hit,” Aries informed.

Kyoko nodded, “True, but I think Ralts has the ability known as Synchronize. A Pokemon with the ability Synchronize will pass on any afflicted status condition to its opponent upon affliction” Kyoko informed in return.

“Awesome! Jacob must have thought this through then,” Russo added in.

Jacob grasped his head in despair, “I have no idea what I’m doing at this point! GAH!” he shouted and fell to his knees.

Aipom sighed and face palmed.

Felix shook his head, “Whatever, I could care less if Frillish is confused. Use Hex now!”

Frillish dizzily floated towards Ralts and emitted two beams of purple rays off its tentacles at Ralts.

Ralts became surrounded by the rays and was lifted into the air. It peeked an eye open cautiously and realized it had been caught in an attack!

Jacob became excited, “I think it’s okay now! Ralts, are you okay?” Jacob called out worriedly.

Ralts fidgeted in the tight, compacted area of the purple rays. It could feel its Health slowly lower from the Hex.

Jacob pursed his lips and tried to think of a plan. “Holy crap! That might work,” he shouted, “Okay Ralts, use Magical Leaf from inside the rays!”

Ralts opened its eyes wide and began releasing a series of multicolored leaves from a light on its arms. Ralt’s eyes then glowed green and began to control the leaves with Ralts’ thoughts, which in turn sent the leaves down the rays to collide with Frillish.

Frillish attempted to back away while still dizzy, but failed. The leaves of the Magical Leaf collided, sliced, and diced against Frillish to cause massive damage! Frillish backed away and cowered in fear.

Ralts then took its chance and broke free of Hex’s rays, jumping and landing on the battlefield confidently.

The audience cheered at Ralts pulling through its struggle.

Felix scoffed, “Whatever, you won’t win. Frillish use Water Pulse!”

Frillish, for some reason still dizzy, tried to form an orb of water but accidently dropped it on the field.

Jacob looked at the scoreboard, seeing he had only a minute left… but he was winning point wise! “We-We might win!” he shouted happily. He then turned and looked at Felix seriously.

Felix felt his spine tingle, something had made him change his mind about Jacob.

Russo looked up at Jacob, noticing his whole demeanor had somehow changed in a second. “You guys notice something different about Jacob?” he asked Aries and Kyoko.

Kyoko adjusted his glasses, “I see something different… he’s more serious” he concluded.

Jacob wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead, “Let’s do it Ralts. Use Disarming Voice into Magical Leaf!”

Ralts opened its mouth wide and once again released the chain of pulsing soundwaves that collided with a helpless Frillish and knocked it back upon each collision. Ralts jumped into the air and released a flurry of dark green leaves, covered in a green aura, at Frillish.

Frillish fell backwards for a final time and fainted on the stage.

Maxim held his microphone up high, “Halt! It seems that Frillish is unable to battle. Therefore, with only 16 seconds left on the clock, the winner of this match is Jacob!”

The crowd applauded and cheered.

Jacob turned and waved to the crowd excitedly, having returned to his carefree manor. He ran over and hugged Ralts with Aipom excitedly. “We did it! Time for the Semi-finals!”











Moments and battles passed by when…

“Alright ladies and gentlemen, time for the second battle of the semi-finals. One battle has already taken placed between Jacob and Jocelyn with Jacob emerging victorious to move on to the semi-finals. Our second match will be between…” Maxim began as he pointed to the stage’s battlefield.

Villa rose from her trainer stand along with Olivielle opposite her. The two were matched together!

Maxim then pointed to the clock, “5 Minutes set, Let the battle begin”!

Villa pointed at Olivielle, “Listen up girly,” she squealed, “I won’t be losing to some prep like you. Glameow, it’s time to dazzle,” Villa announced and tossed her Pokeball.

The Pokeball spun into the air and opened, releasing a flurry of yellow stars which swirled and dissipated to reveal her dainty Glameow with a sly grin.

Olivielle flipped her hair, “I see, in that case I won’t be losing to some cheerleader reject! Roselia, it’s show time” she replied and tossed her Pokeball up high.

The Pokeball immediately popped open with a flurry of bright pink flower petals which swirled together to form a large flower. Roselia then punched through its Seal barrier and landed on the stage with its rose arms pointed to the sky in an orant pose. “Rose!” it shouted.

Olivielle flipped her hair once again, “You go ahead, I insist,” she taunted Villa.

Villa snickered, “Oh how lady like. Glameow, my dear, use Quick Attack!”

Glameow stuck its tail into the air and began summoning a bright white aura around itself. It stood still to make sure all of the energy had enveloped it within a swirly light. It meowed and dashed straight into Roselia, sending the Thorn Pokemon flying into the air.

Olivielle smiled, “Nice shot, we needed to get into the air. Roselia, use Sunny Day” Olivielle countered.

Roselia used the velocity of Glameow’s Quick Attack to propel it even higher than it could originally jump and stuck its rose hands into the sky. It formed two balls of bright fire which floated and collided to create a temporary sun within the contest hall.

Olivielle smiled, “Now then, time to get dirty. Use Solar Beam!”

Roselia twirled in place and shot out a blinding bright green light from its body twister.

Villa shot her hand to the side and quickly commanded her Glameow, “Use Quick Attack to get close and then Fury Swipes!”

Glameow watched the Solar Beam close in on itself and jumped away by using its spring-like tail at the last second. It dashed at Roselia so fast that not even a naked eye could see it anymore. It stopped behind Roselia and stuck out its claws from its paws, then proceeded to furiously scratch Roselia until the two fell to the ground.

Olivielle could tell things were not going in her favor, “Use Sweet Scent!”

Roselia managed to open its eyes through its pain and began releasing a pink cloud of smoke from its whole body.

Upon getting a whiff, Glameow stumbled backwards and fell to the ground out of shock.

“Use Petal Dance quickly!” Olivielle ordered.

Roselia stuck one of its rose arms out, as though it were holding a pistol, and fired a barrage of spinning, pink leaves which shot Glameow into the sky against the sunny day.

The collision of Glameow and the Sunny Day ended up causing a bright flash followed by an explosion, leading to Glameow being fired right back down against the contest hall’s battlefield.

Roselia lowered its arms, having realized what just went down in the course of under five seconds.

Maxim stuck his hand into the air, “Battle halt! It seems Glameow is no longer able to participate,” Maxim announced as he pointed towards a fainted Glameow at Villa’s feet.

Villa screamed in horror, “No! My Glameow! You’re a monster you bitch!” Villa screamed and ran off stage in a flood of overdramatic tears as she held Glameow in her arms.

Olivielle smirked, “Honestly, calm down girl,” she mumbled to herself and returned Roselia to its Pokeball.

Backstage, Jacob felt the nerves swelling up inside him again. He never realized Olivielle was such a skilled coordinator, using a move like Sunny Day to actually cause damage is a really smart tactic.

Aipom looked up at Jacob, feeling his worry. Aipom pat Jacob on the arm and smiled up at him.

Jacob smiled back, “Thanks Aipom… I know it will be okay if I lose. It is my first contest after all, and Olivielle seems to have been in two already if I remember correctly”.

Aipom went right into Jacob’s bag and took out a picture he kept within his wallet, behind his trainer ID.

Jacob looked down at it and smiled.

The picture was of him with his Aipom, Mom, Father, and three sisters. They all looked a lot younger than they do now, especially Jacob having gained a good 14 years since the picture had been taken.

Jacob put the picture back in his wallet, “You’re right Aipom. Even if I don’t make it, my family will be cheering me on in my next contest, and the next one after that!”

A buzzer rang in the waiting room to call Jacob to the field.

Jacob reached in his pocket and took a breath of his inhaler. He looked down at the scrappy, red, medicinal device realizing it had been a while since he needed to use it… but it calmed his nerves if they got too bad. He put the inhaler back in his pocket and walked back to the stage with Aipom on his shoulder.







Below the stage, Jacob could hear Maxim giving the same spiel about the rules and time limit. As Maxim stopped, Jacob felts himself rise up into the air and into the spotlight. He could feel the hundreds of eyes staring down at him, Aipom, and Olivielle.

Maxim held his mic high into the air, “Now then, 5 minutes on the clock, Match… start!”

Jacob vigorously threw his Pokeball into the air, “Ralts, Center Stage!”

The Pokeball spun and opened up as it reached center stage on Jacob’s side. Ralts then popped out in a flurry of blue flower petals, having altered them when Olivielle had chosen the same seal.

Olivielle kissed her Pokeball gently and tossed it into the air, “Roselia, it’s show time!”

The Pokeball immediately popped open with a flurry of bright pink flower petals which swirled together to form a large flower. Roselia then punched through its Seal barrier and landed on the stage with its rose arms pointed to the sky in an orant pose. “Rose!” it shouted.

Olivielle flipped her hair, “If I remember correctly, we never did finish our battle. I’ll have you know that I’m ready to win,” she taunted.

Jacob looked at her with a determined gaze. He wasn’t going to let her get under his skin like she had done with Villa. He smiled back, “That’s odd, it sounded like you said you wanted to lose. I’ll help out with that, Ralts use Disarming Voice!”

Ralts opened its mouth wide to reveal a bright pink aura. Ralts proceeded to shout and released a series of soundwaves at Roselia which collided and knocked Roselia to the floor.

Roselia shook off the attack and stood right back up,

Olivielle waved her finger, “Fairies aren’t going to work against the poisons of a rose, Jacob. Roselia, use Sunny Day!”

Roselia lifted its hands into the air and shot two bright orbs of fire into the sky.

Jacob was quick on his feet and had already thought of a counter, “Ralts, use Confusion on the Sunny Day and send it right back down at Roselia!”

Ralts’ eyes grew bright blue as it stared straight at the Sunny Day, causing it to be enveloped in a blue light and stop in its tracks before it could take effect.

Olivielle, along with the audience, gasped at the technique.

Ralts motioned its hands down and sent the Sunny Day hurdling down onto Roselia, enveloping the Thorn Pokemon in a ball of flames.

Olivielle grit her teeth angrily, “That twerp,” she mumbled to herself.

The Sunny Day’s flames swirled around Roselia as it stood trapped within the fiery cage.

Olivielle smiled, “Well, Sunny Day should still work somewhat. Use Solar Beam!”

Roselia brought its arms together and fired off a ray of green light straight at Ralts. Somehow, Sunny Day still gave Roselia the power to fire off a quicker Solar Beam!

Jacob clenched his fist powerfully, “Ralts, counter with your Confusion by lifting yourself into the air and dodging!”

Ralts quickly covered itself in its blue aura and lifted itself up above the height of the Solar Beam.

Jacob pointed towards Roselia, “Use Magical Leaf!”

Ralts swiped its arms in the air furiously and began releasing streams of multicolored leaves at Roselia.

Roselia stood within the continuing flames of Sunny Day, causing the leaves to burn into ashes upon getting up close.

Olivielle smiled, “It seems you can’t get close for an attack like that. Have any other moves? I honestly don’t plan to leave the safety of our flames”

Jacob could tell there wasn’t as much choices to counter Roselia after it took use of the Sunny Day counter. He thought to himself as Ralts and Roselia entered a stare down.

The clock ticked away as the audience watched intensely from their seats.

Jacob felt the lightbulb go off in his head, “Fine Olivielle, have it your way. You can stay in there if you’d like.”

Olivielle looked at Jacob curiously, “What is he planning?” she muttered to herself.

Jacob pointed towards the Sunny Day flames. “Ralts, use Confusion on the flames and trap Roselia in a ball of the fire! Let’s recreate the Sunny Day!”

Ralts smiled and immediately got to work surrounding the fire in a blue light. It stared at a color drained Roselia and waved its arms in a semi-circle, causing the fire to implode and trap Roselia in a burning, blue fired sphere. Ralts directed the ball into the sky which hovered in front of the scoreboard.

Jacob smiled confidently at Olivielle, “Remember saying Fairies won’t work on a poison rose? Well, what if the the fairies had a Molotov? Use Disarming Voice on the Sunny Day Ralts!”

Ralts briefly released the Sunny Day for a second and immediately fired off a series of sound waves from its mouth that collided with the Sunny Day. Ralts smiled and stared up at the Sunny Day which had immediately exploded and caused a fiery fireworks display.

Roselia plummeted to the ground knocked out and burnt to a crisp.

Olivielle scoffed at them, “Ugh… you have got to be kidding!”

Maxim immediately burst on stage, “Cease the battle! It seems with only a minute and two seconds on the clock, Ralts has knocked out Roselia. Due to the K.O., Jacob is hereby named the Winner of the Iridale Contest!” Maxim shouted, immediately sending the audience into an uproar of applause!

Jacob looked out at the crowd and smiled excitedly! He ran over and gleefully hugged Ralts with Aipom, “We did it guys! We won the match! We WON the contest!”

Maxim and Chingling waltzed over with a tray that possessed a shiny gold and red ribbon on it. “Here you are young man, you’ve earned the Iridale Ribbon. Congratulations, I believe this is your first win correct?”

Jacob nodded as he took the Ribbon with Aipom and Ralts on his shoulders. “Yes sir, thank you sir!”

Maxim shook his head, “No no young man. Thank YOU! Let’s give a round of applause once again for our winner!”

The audience stood up and began clapping up a storm as confetti rained down on Jacob and an envious Olivielle in the background.







Jacob zipped up his backpack and slipped it over his shoulders. He looked outside and saw the day had already turned to night, it seemed the contest had taken the whole day to complete. He smiled to himself and looked down at his ribbon, shinning lonesome inside his Ribbon Case.

Behind him, Olivielle stood with her arms crossed and leaning against a wall at the doorway of the changing room. “Congrats on your win, nerd.”

Jacob turned around, having not noticed her. He smiled at her, “Thanks! Sorry about how the battle turned out…” he replied, trying to be as nice as he could.

Olivielle smiled smugly. “Well, I suppose I will just have to win next time. So… Cya around I guess,” she replied and walked out of the changing rooms.

Jacob smiled and turned back into the mirror of the changing room. He stared into his dark green eyes and saw a tiny sparkle of confidence within them.

Aipom jumped up on his shoulder and pointed towards the doorway again, “Aipa!” it shouted.

Russo, Aries, and Kyoko had made their way in.

Aries ran over and wrapped her arms around Jacob once again, “Congratulations Jacob! We knew you could do it!” she shouted happily.

Russo was ecstatic also, “That girl with the Roselia, did you see her?!” he asked.

Jacob looked at him curiously, “Why do you ask?”

“She had all of those cool techniques! I’ve gotta talk to her and learn them for myself,” he replied excitedly.

Kyoko rolled his eyes, “None of his Pokemon know Roselia’s moves” he muttered under his breath. He adjusted his glasses and smiled at Jacob, “Congratulations on your win! Ralts really did awesome in its matches, a perfect contest battler.”

Jacob smiled, “Yeah, I was impressed too. So, what should we do for dinner?” he asked as he rubbed his empty stomach.

Aries pointed towards the exit, “I’ve got it all planned. Follow me boys!”

Spoiler: CHAPTER 14 PREVIEW

Jacob: It's nice of you to have made me a victory dinner, Aries!
Russo: I didn't get one when I won my gym match?
Aries: Well take that as a sign.
Kyoko: She LOVES Jacob.
Aries: Yeah, I don't see us ending up in a relationship...
Jacob: What are you implying?!
Jacob: Next time, To the Victor Goes a Spoiled Dinner !
Kyoko: See, anyone who read the chapter titles would know Jacob won.
Aries: Okay now you referenced the audience for sure!
Jacob: Guys, there's a big, angry, Pokemon!

 

[Jaypom]

Chapter 14:

To the Victor Goes a Spoiled Dinner​

“Dig in everyone!” Aries shouted as she slammed down a platter of various foods onto a table.


It was nighttime, and the group had settled down at a set of picnic tables outside of the Pokemon Center in Iridale Town.


Jacob quickly grabbed a roll of Sushi made from Spicy Mayo, Bread Crumbs, and Krabby Meat. “Awesome, my favorite! Thank you so much Aries, this is amazing! Although, I wonder what we would have done if I had lost,” Jacob said embarrassed.


Aries thought to herself, “Hmm, I suppose we would just have an ‘at least you tried’ dinner. Either way, awesome job out there,” she replied excitedly.


Jacob looked over at Russo, who had begun horking down his food as quickly as possible. “You’re gonna make yourself sick…” he muttered to Russo.


Russo rolled his eyes, “Whatever man. Hey, you haven’t by any chance seen that chick you battled in the finals have you?”


Jacob shook his head and he shoved a bite of the sushi roll into his mouth.


Russo snapped his fingers, “Darn, I wanted to ask her about that Sunny Day kind combo. It was super cool how you can use a move that doesn’t cause damage to cause damage by its presence,” he replied.


Kyoko cocked his glasses, “Well, wouldn’t Jacob also be a candidate for teaching that? He did use her own combo against her,” Kyoko added.


Russo chuckled, “Yeah but I don’t need any more of this bi-polar wierdo. What was with you being all nervous at the start and as serious as a champion at the end. Are you secretly a robot?” Russo joked.


Jacob looked at the sky curiously, “Doubt it. I don’t really notice my change in mood myself. My guess is that its just hormones.”


Russo laughed, “Guess all you want, but I say you’re a robot!” he replied and began laughing but was interrupted when he was hit by a flying ball. He turned around angrily and grasped his neck, “What the heck?” he shouted and looked at the Pokemon all playing a game of soccer with their food finished.


Aipom stuck out its tongue and stretched its eyelid down, “Aipa!” it shouted and laughed with Ralts.


Russo rolled his eyes, “You’re gonna spill our food. If you want to play a game, head out a little farther okay?” he asked politely and tossed back the ball.


Aipom and Ralts looked at each other and headed off into the shrubs with the other Pokemon.


“So you are nice to Pokemon, and rude to humans. What’s your story Russo, a Pokemon turned human?” Aries joked.


Russo winked, “Perhaps, or just someone who realizes the life of a Pokemon isn’t so bad as compared to the warring human race.”


Everyone grew silent. Nobody wanted to counter Russo.


Aries felt her face grow red, “Well… I suppose you are right.”


Jacob leaned in, “You know Russo, the legends of the PokèWars are from such a long time ago. You honestly think we, as people, haven’t evolved like the Pokemon from such petty wars?”


Russo looked back at Jacob, “Don’t you forget that group that attacked the Kimpier Gym, Team Element was it? Groups like them are always watching from the shadows. I doubt the humans have evolved as much as you may think. Like it or not, we will always be in a war or battle.”


Jacob sat back in his chair, not wanting to believe something like the PokèWars would happen, not wanting to believe there are bad people out there either.


Aries sat in her seat, hunched over. “Whats… the PokèWars?” she asked.


Kyoko looked up and cocked his glasses, “I’ll tell you. About one thousand years ago, the world was locked in a fearsome battle between all regions, externally and internally. Pokemon were used as tools in them, many people and Pokemon were killed by the extreme battling. But as the war reached its climax at a lost temple, the Alpha Pokemon Arceus appeared and quelled the chaos as one of the trainers caught in the fighting pleaded for its help. At first, it wasn’t known if the trainer would actually have the help of a god like Arceus, but when the trainer proved that chaos would destroy everything, Arceus agreed and instantly halted all battles. It’s thought that many Pokemon from different regions’ mythology were used as well, but all of this is thought to be purely fiction. The tale was only passed down vocally and only put into a book form in the past few decades. I, myself, wonder what it would be like today if Arceus hadn’t quelled a fight that destroyed all regions of the Pokemon World. Would humans still be battling, would gyms and contests exist, would Pokemon be tools? I suppose anything is possible, but we best hope nothing like the PokèWars happens again. Like Russo said, the humans are prone to wars, something like it is bound to happen again, but it’s better to hope it won’t happen than believe it will. I don’t even think it was proven why the fighting commenced, but it has been proven the wars broke out here in Accelia thanks to a religious cult.” Kyoko informed.


Everyone sat silently, trying to take in the massive information.


Kyoko tilted his head, confused. “Have I confused anyone, I can always repeat?” he added on.


Everyone shook their heads, “No thank you!” they shouted in unison.


Jacob smiled awkwardly, “How about we not talk about wars during a victory dinner,” he suggested.


Russo nodded, “Fine by me. Back to the contests, have you found out what the next one you want to compete in will be?” he asked.


Jacob pulled out his laptop and pulled up the Accelia Region contest website which already had an article posted on his win. “There will be one in Seavaille Town, a little bit south of Breezeville it seems. Mind if we go there guys?” Jacob asked excitedly.


Everyone nodded, wanting to watch the contest again too.


“SAAAAA!!!” shouted something off in the distance.


Everyone looked over towards where Aipom, Ralts, and the other Pokemon had run off to.


“What was that?” Aries asked worriedly.


“I’m not sure, let’s check it out” Jacob replied and ran off to see what all the noise was about.









After what seemed like a mile of running through a moonlit canopy, the group finally managed to reach a clearing and found a large blue and red, winged Pokemon glaring at the group of Pokemon.


Jacob squinted his eyes and could make out a series of bumps on its head.


Russo crossed his arms, “Looks like they hit that thing with their ball…a lot. What is it anyways?” Russo asked.


Jacob took out his Pokedex and quickly scanned the Pokemon.


The Pokedex clicked on and began feeding the desired information. “Salamence, the Dragon Pokemon. Salamence are quick tempered, and are known to throw temper tantrums if not raised properly. As a Bagon, Salamence also desired the ability to fly, eventually causing a mutation that resulted in wings.”


The Salamence growled viciously at the scared group of Pokemon.


Jacob walked forward, “We’re sorry we disturbed you Salamence. It won’t happen again!” Jacob pleaded.


Salamence opened its mouth and formed a ball of Orange, Indigo, and Purple fire which was then fired off and missed Jacob’s head by a few inches, exploding in the distance.


Jacob smiled worriedly, “We honestly don’t mean any harm.”


Aipom quickly ran back to Jacob with Ralts, along with the other Pokemon of Russo, Aries, and Kyoko.


“Salamence have really bad tempers, we need to get out of here before it gets even angrier.” Kyoko suggested.


Suddenly, Salamence opened its mouth wide and fired off a beam of white breath at the group.


Ralts shot its arms up and surrounded the group in a multicolored mosaic aura and quickly disappeared as the attack collided at their feet.








The group reappeared at the center a moment later.


They all looked around, wondering what had happened.


Ralts stuck its hand up, “Ra-Ra!” it shouted.


Jacob looked down confused, “How did we get back here?” he asked.


Kyoko, with his Wingull sitting patiently on his shoulder, cocked his glasses. “Teleport, a move that causes a Pokemon to disappear and reappear in another place. If I am correct, Ralts are capable of learning that move.


Jacob looked down and smiled at Ralts, “Great job! I didn’t realize you learned that move. Thank you very much Ralts,” Jacob replied at the Feeling Pokemon.


Ralts blushed happily in his arms, but turned cold when it suddenly felt a presence with the other Pokemon.


Everyone quickly returned the Pokemon back to the balls, except for Jacob, as Salamence came crashing through the trees and into their picnic tables.


Aries screamed in horror, “Not our food! You’re a monster!” Aries shouted at Salamence.


Salamence looked at her, “Sa! Salama!” it shouted and looked around, stopping as it saw Jacob’s Aipom.


Jacob felt his face go pale, “Aipom… you weren’t by any chance the one to make this Salamence angry?” Jacob asked as his blood ran cold.


Aipom scratched its head and didn’t reply.


Ralts nodded its head to answer Jacob, causing Aipom to slap the back of Ralts’ head.


Jacob sighed, “Why can’t you ever tell when it’s appropriate to be playful…”


Salamence suddenly opened its mouth wide and fired off another ball of Orange, Indigo, and Purple Fire at the group which set the trees behind them ablaze! It glared at Aipom, wanting revenge for Aipom’s prank.


Jacob released Aipom and Ralts onto the ground, “We’ll have to set it straight! Aipom use Swift and Ralts use Disarming Voice,” Jacob quickly commanded.

Aipom and Ralts both jumped into the air, with Aipom’s hand on its tail growing a bright white and releasing a stream of yellow stars at Salamence once swung in an arc and Ralts releasing a series of soundwaves while screaming from its pink-colored mouth.


Salamence stood its ground as both attacks hit it directly. It shook them both off without a scratch. It glared at them and fired off the stream of white breath at the Pokemon which sent Aipom flying, and nothing of sorts to Ralts.


Everyone stared at the small, Feeling Pokemon who somehow managed to not be affected by the giant Salamence.


Salamence then grew even angrier and fired off the ball of Orange, Indigo, and Purple fire at Ralts, with Ralts not even being fazed by the collision of itself with the attack.


Kyoko cocked his glasses, “Ah that’s right. Ralts is a fairy type, which are unaffected by Dragon Type moves. Good choice Jacob,” Kyoko cheered.


“It’s too strong for him to do any damage,” Russo quickly butted in, “Jacob, bro, let me handle this,” Russo said as he clutched a Pokeball in his hand.


Jacob smiled, “Ha, no way man. My Pokemon got themselves in this mess, they’re gonna settle it without the help of anyone. Aipom, you ready to get back out there?” he replied confidently.


Aipom lifted its head off the ground and ran back out to Ralts’ side, ready to battle.


Salamence sneered and fired off another ball of Orange, Indigo, and Purple fire at the two Pokemon.


“Ralts, use Teleport and get you both behind Salamence!” Jacob countered.


Ralts nodded and grabbed Aipom’s hand, then disappeared as the ball of fire collided with the ground.


Salamence looked around, looking for the two.


“Use Disarming Voice and Swift on Salamence’s back!” Jacob quickly commanded.


Ralts and Aipom suddenly reappeared above Salamence and fired off their attacks in unison at Salamence’s back, causing it to fall to the ground.


Salamence grunted and stood back up, then fired off a stream of white breath at the two Pokemon.


“Ralts, take the attack and Aipom jump onto Salamence and use Shock Wave at full power!” Jacob quickly countered.


Ralts stood in front of Aipom and held itself together as the attack collided with the feeling Pokemon, slinging it back a few feet from the force.


Aipom quickly ran up a nearby tree and jumped down onto Salamence, blocking its eyesight. Aipom then raised its tail and gathered jolts of electricity which were immediately fired off and shocked Salamence.


Salamence cried out in shock and shook its head around, throwing Aipom off it and back at Jacob, knocking the two onto the ground.


Jacob looked up dizzily and noticed Salamence had knocked Jacob’s bag clean off him and onto the ground, scattering all of Jacob’s supplies.


Salamence snickered and began walking heavily at Jacob.


Jacob gasped and held Aipom tightly, preparing to be hit by a final blow.


As Salamence neared Jacob, it became cloaked in a red light and stopped in its tracks.


Jacob looked up and noticed that on the ground, Salamence hadn’t noticed the scattered Pokeballs!


Salamence cried out angrily and began running at Jacob as it was sucked inside one of the Pokeballs.


Everyone gazed at the Pokeball worriedly, preparing for Salamence to pop right back out and attack them… only that didn’t happen.


The Pokeball shook three times and then locked, sending out tiny white stars from its center to inform the capture was complete.


Everyone began screaming in shock!


“I… I caught Salamence?” Jacob said confusedly.


Aipom tilted its head, “Ai…Pa…” it added in.


Jacob stood up and walked towards the Pokeball and picked it up, then smiled. “Wow… I just caught a Salamence guys!” Jacob shouted ecstatically, having changed moods quite quickly.


Aipom and Ralts both jumped up and cheered with Jacob.


Aries, Kyoko, and Russo all stood with their mouths wide open, shocked by the sheer dumb luck Jacob had just experienced.


Jacob turned around and tossed the ball into the air, “Alright, Salamence, Center Stage!” he called.


The Pokeball spun into the air and popped open, sending out Salamence in a bright white light.


Salamence roared and began flying around in the sky, looking down at Jacob.


“Welcome to the team, Salamence! I’m Jacob, your trainer.” Jacob called out, trying to be friendly.


Salamence looked down and flew straight at Jacob, stopping right as it would hit Jacob in the face.


Jacob smiled at Salamence, not wanting to show he was completely terrified of it right off the bat.


Salamence rolled its eyes and hit its head on Jacob’s Pokeball, returning itself and leaving the group alone with the moon.


Jacob looked down at the ball confused, “It… It doesn’t like me?” he asked.


Aipom and Ralts looked at each other and ran over to Jacob, patting the back of his legs.


Russo crossed his arms, “I suppose it doesn’t see you as a trainer worthy of it. I doubt it would just release itself, since releasing can only be done at a trainer’s will. I guess congrats man,” Russo added.


Aries and Kyoko looked at each other.


“Do you think Salamence doesn’t like Jacob?” Aries asked in a whisper.


Kyoko cocked his glasses, “It’s been said if a Pokemon is more skillful than its trainer, it will rebel and not want to listen. I guess Salamence doesn’t want to be involved with Jacob since it believes he is weak,” Kyoko informed.


Jacob turned back at them, “But, I am strong,” he added, “I’ll prove it to Salamence someday I suppose…” Jacob finished and stared at Salamence’s Pokeball in his hand, wondering if the two of them would ever be close.

Spoiler: CHAPTER 15 PREVIEW

Kyoko: ...
Aries: Why are you so quiet?
Jacob: Is he thinking?
Russo: What if he's asleep.
Aries: WAIT, HE ISN'T EVEN WALKING WITH US?!
Jacob: WHERE DID HE GO?!
Aries: Next time, A Farfetch'd Find !
Kyoko: It appears I've been separated.
Jacob: Yeah, we know!
Kyoko: You didn't when I got lost back then.
Russo: Wow, that was harsh.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Here from the Review Game - I read chapters one and twenty four for the purposes of this review. I think the main problems with the story can be divided into two issues. The first, and easiest solved, is right down on the technical accuracy side of things. It seriously needs a really good tidying up. The spelling itself is actually largely fine. What you have a bad habit of doing is being slapdash with your punctuation, and in fact with the formatting in general. I'm seeing missing speech marks, commas before speech, doubled-up line breaks (Yep, I know the forum adds in extras if you copy-paste in), a lot of random capitalisation ... remember, capitals are for the beginning of sentences and proper nouns (I.e, names) only. It's acceptable in pokémon fanfic to capitalise pokémon species names and attacks as well.

Now, technical accuracy sounds kinda nit-picky, but it's the foundation on which everything else is based. It's that much harder to get immersed in a story if the reader is mentally correcting errors and ironing out the format. Always make it as little work as possible to read your story.

The second issue is how cartoony the tone is. There's something very pokémon anime about this story in general. That's not to say that every journeyfic has to be either dark or mature. The point is that a lot of the kind of tropes that a cartoon can get away with look kinda dumb in print. There seems to be a penchant for random violence, either from Aipom or Jacob (Kicking Russo in the stomach), or the really clichéd appearance of the earth-shaking Hilda. I'm not sure what kind of audience you're aiming at, but the Teen rating suggests to me that it's not supposed to be as entirely light-hearted and frothy as the main franchise usually is. As a warning then - it's very hard to make the audience really care about the "serious" scenes if your story is founded on wackiness elsewhere.

As a general matter of advice, I'd say to try and read as much as you can. Reading, like nothing else, helps build your repertoire of skills for your own writing. Fanfic is ok for this, but beware you do run the risk of picking up bad habits.

 

[Jaypom]

Here from the Review Game - I read chapters one and twenty four for the purposes of this review. I think the main problems with the story can be divided into two issues. The first, and easiest solved, is right down on the technical accuracy side of things. It seriously needs a really good tidying up. The spelling itself is actually largely fine. What you have a bad habit of doing is being slapdash with your punctuation, and in fact with the formatting in general. I'm seeing missing speech marks, commas before speech, doubled-up line breaks (Yep, I know the forum adds in extras if you copy-paste in), a lot of random capitalisation ... remember, capitals are for the beginning of sentences and proper nouns (I.e, names) only. It's acceptable in pokémon fanfic to capitalise pokémon species names and attacks as well.

Now, technical accuracy sounds kinda nit-picky, but it's the foundation on which everything else is based. It's that much harder to get immersed in a story if the reader is mentally correcting errors and ironing out the format. Always make it as little work as possible to read your story.

The second issue is how cartoony the tone is. There's something very pokémon anime about this story in general. That's not to say that every journeyfic has to be either dark or mature. The point is that a lot of the kind of tropes that a cartoon can get away with look kinda dumb in print. There seems to be a penchant for random violence, either from Aipom or Jacob (Kicking Russo in the stomach), or the really clichéd appearance of the earth-shaking Hilda. I'm not sure what kind of audience you're aiming at, but the Teen rating suggests to me that it's not supposed to be as entirely light-hearted and frothy as the main franchise usually is. As a warning then - it's very hard to make the audience really care about the "serious" scenes if your story is founded on wackiness elsewhere.

As a general matter of advice, I'd say to try and read as much as you can. Reading, like nothing else, helps build your repertoire of skills for your own writing. Fanfic is ok for this, but beware you do run the risk of picking up bad habits.

I'm so sorry I never replied to your advice I really want to thank you for your critique and am definitely doing my best to keep all of it in mind while writing I only gave the story a teen rating since I felt content and language wise was more for teens as opposed to Everyone, but now that I've gone and read the examples from the Workshop Rulebook I can see that this story is more suited at Everyone rating Thank you again!

 

[Jaypom]

Chapter 15:​

A Farfetch’d Find​

Kyoko gazed up at the shinning noon sunlight gazing right back at him. He sighed and looked over at his friends, Jacob and Russo, bickering over the last biscuit from their breakfast. His Wingull was perched on his lap, stuck in a light nap.

“I’m telling you, this biscuit is mine!” Jacob screamed at Russo as he clutched half of the flaky pastry.

“That’s so odd, I almost thought you said my biscuit was yours… HANDS OFF!” Russo replied, grasping onto the other side.

Aries looked at the two boys from her end of the snack table, “You both are such boys. Can’t you just share it and call it a day?” she suggested.

Jacob and Russo instantly turned and glared at her, sending her into an awkward silence.

Jacob scoffed, “A fine pastry such as this deserves only the most exquisite of stomachs, therefore it should be mine!”

Russo rolled his eyes, “Fine, if you want it, take it!” he replied and let go, sending Jacob flying backwards and onto the ground, dropping the biscuit.

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Jacob cried and slammed his fist onto the ground.

Russo hustled over and picked it up, blowing on it to clear the dirt.

Jacob made a disgusted look at him, “You aren’t seriously going to eat that are you?” he questioned.

Russo chuckled, “Five second rule, dummy” he replied and shoved the pastry in his mouth.

Aries covered her mouth, “You are so gross Russo!”

Jacob clenched his stomach, “I’m going to starve!”

Aipom rolled on the ground, over exaggerating Jacob’s hunger. “Aipaa!” it cried out, copying him.

Suddenly, Jacob opened his eyes and looked over towards Kyoko excitedly. “I know! Kyoko, can you make….” Jacob began but stopped when he noticed Kyoko wasn’t on his boulder chair anymore.

“Where’s Kyoko?” Aries asked them.

Russo shrugged, “Not sure…”




A few steps away, Kyoko held Wingull in his arms as he strolled down a forest path. “Their fighting was giving me a headache, how about you?” he asked Wingull.

“Wing!” Wingull replied.

Suddenly, a nearby bush rustled.

Kyoko stopped and looked over, cocking his glasses. “Is someone there?” he asked.

A small duck head popped out and looked up at Kyoko. It was brown and white, with little tufts of hair sticking up. “Far…” it muttered confused at the sight of Kyoko.

Kyoko suddenly grew excited and joyous! “Oh wow! A Farfetch’d, I must catch it!”

“Far?” it replied.

Kyoko threw Wingull into flight, “Alright Wingull, let’s catch our first Pokemon! Use Icy Wind!”

Wingull flapped its wings and soared high into the air. It opened its mouth and sent out tiny bits of ice pellets at the Farfetch’d.

Farfetch’d jumped out of the bush and dodged the attack. It landed on the pathway and looked up at Kyoko, in awe that it was attacked out of nowhere! Farfetch’d turned its head and began walking away.

Kyoko stopped and watched, he wasn’t even attacked back? “Wait a second! You won’t even fight back, what’s that about?” he questioned angrily.

“Far! Farfetch’d-far!” it replied, knowing Kyoko had no idea what it said.

“It’s pretty stuck up…” Kyoko muttered and then realized he had yet again, failed a capture. He moaned and fell to the ground glumly. “I’m useless Wingull, even that Farfetch’d saw through me. It didn’t even fight us, I’m literally not even worth the retaliation?” he asked confused and fell onto his back.

Wingull landed on his stomach and sighed, “Wing-Wingull,” it replied.

Kyoko’s gaze began to blur as he watched the clouds pass above him, signaling the day’s decent into night.



Kyoko jolted up when he realized night had fallen. “I-I must have dozed off.” He realized, noticing Wingull was perched on his stomach in a deep slumber. Kyoko smiled shyly and pet Wingull on its head, waking it. “We slept through the day it seems, let’s head back.” He suggested.

Wingull nodded and took flight, looking around confused.

Kyoko adjusted his glasses and glanced around as well, “Where… are we from camp again?” he asked.

Wingull flew up higher and looked around, then descended and shook its head. No sign of a camp for miles.

Kyoko gasped, “Did they seriously leave me out here?!” he exclaimed. He looked around worriedly and ran off in a random direction, “Camp was this way! I-I think…”




Kyoko ran for what seemed like 20 minutes and came to a dead end at a large cave entrance in the side of a large cliff. He was almost out of breath, feeling his heart pound against his ribcage. “This cave, looks familiar” he said between huffs. “I think we were supposed to pass through here to head for Breezeville City,” He muttered to himself. He proceeded to enter but stopped when he heard a loud snoring. He looked up and saw a large bird nest, resting upon two extended branches of a tree’s roots. He peered up and saw a tuft of hair and feathers sticking up from the nest. “Wait… is that…” he began and stopped when the Farfetch’d from before jolted awake and noticed it was being watched.

“Far? Farfetch’d Farfetch’d!” it screamed down at its peeping toms.

“Oh wow, that’s polite! We are just passing through, take a pill.” Kyoko replied back snobbishly, still angry from the brush off he had earlier.

Farfetch’d rolled its eyes and flew down. As it landed, Kyoko analyzed its feathers.

Farfetch’d had light brown feathers which resembled somewhat of a shell, with white feathers on the underside of its body. It clutched a large, green and white stick. There was also a small slash on its left cheek, most likely from a territorial feud.

Kyoko pointed at the cave, “I realize this may be out of place, but is that cave a pass through cave or is it a dead end? I’m looking for my friends,” he asked, wondering if it was the pathway to his friends.

Farfetch’d looked into the deep darkness of the cave path and back at Kyoko. It shuffled its feet, hesitant to answer. It seemed to want to be honest but wanted to fool around with Kyoko a bit more, still annoyed from its earlier encounter with him.

Kyoko saw Farfetch’d contemplating a reply and smiled lightheartedly. “Alright, well I’ll go ahead and talk. I’m sorry for attacking you out of the blue, it was rude I suppose. I was just… excited to see a Pokemon out in the wilderness on my own, you know? I haven’t caught a Pokemon on my journey yet, so my only partner is this Wingull here. I was excited, and it seems to have made you angry that I battled you, so…. I’m really sorry.” He replied and bowed before Farfetch’d.

Farfetch’d smirked, touched by the apology and smiled back at Kyoko. It nodded too, sorry for brushing off Kyoko. It pointed at the cave and nodded, “Far, Farfetch’d Far Farfetch’d!”

Kyoko looked at Wingull who nodded, signaling the cave was able to be passed through. Kyoko smiled and thanked Farfetch’d with a light pat on the head, “Thank you very much, Farfetch’d,” he said politely and suddenly got an idea! He reached in his bag and pulled out a bag of pastries… the biscuits from breakfast! He smiled at Farfetch’d and handed one to it out of thanks, “I’m sure food is hard to come by, here you go.”

Farfetch’d grabbed the food and quickly scarfed it down, clearly having been in hunger for a while

Kyoko put his bag over his shoulder and trudged into the darkness of the cage, waving back at Farfetch’d, “Thank you again, take care!” he called back.

Wingull looked down at Farfetch’d and nodded, then flew off after Kyoko.




Deep within the bowels of the cave, Kyoko felt his way along the wall to feel his way out. “I wish my phone worked, but lucky me I forgot to charge it at the Pokemon Center. I wonder where Aries and the others are? It seems weird they would leave us…” he began but stopped when he heard a small hiss.

Kyoko jolted around and looked for the source of the hissing, but realized it was pitch black in the cave. He sighed and reached down, looking for a speck of flint. Luckily, the cave was filled with shattered pieces and one found his palm easily. He reached in his bag and pulled out a piece of paper, then tied it to a large rod of rock with his shoelace. He struck the flint along the wall and quickly lit his makeshift torch to reveal the surrounding area with a bright orange flare. He felt all the color drain from his face as he gazed into the eyes of hundreds of Golbat, all dangling from the cave ceiling!

They had been asleep, but awoke with Kyoko’s muttering. They glared down at him angrily and made a small hissing noise.

Kyoko slowly began to continue down his path, but stopped at every hiss causing him to travel a whole two feet in just five minutes. “I’m never getting out of here…” he whispered to Wingull, perched calmly on his shoulder. Kyoko took a deep breath and gulped down his fear, “I’m… gonna run for it okay?” he suggested to his passive Wingull. He cocked his glasses and began to count to 3 in his head.

1

The Golbat began to spread their wings, sensing his idea.

2

Kyoko shuffled his feet in the direction of the exit.

3

Suddenly, a large gust of wing swept through the cave and knocked all of the Golbat loose and off towards the cave exit.

“Kyoko?! Are you in here?!” called a soft-feminine voice.

“Aries?” Kyoko called back, “Is that you?!”

Aries, Jacob, and Russo came darting into Kyoko’s view with Farfetch’d at their feet.

“We’ve been looking all over for you, what are you doing here?” Aries asked, concerned.

“I got lost okay? I was trying to get back to you guys but couldn’t find you….” He replied.

Aries glared at Jacob and Russo, expecting them to explain.

Jacob scratched his head awkwardly, “Well… Russo ended up getting sick and we had to take him to a nearby stream for some water to help make him feel better. We figured you would come back. When you didn’t, we went to find you.”

Russo butted in, “We got lost ourselves and stumbled upon this cave. We saw this Farfetch’d holding one of your biscuits- “

Aries cut in, “WHICH RUSSO ALSO STOLE AND IMMEDIATELY ATE THE REMAINING BITS INFRONT OF THE POOR THING”

Russo continued, “We realized you were in here and as we approached, Farfetch’d use Air Slash and knocked all of the Golbats loose. Talk about a cool friend you’ve made bro!”

Kyoko smiled and ran over, “Thanks all of you! I honestly did not want to deal with those Golbat.”

Suddenly, an orchestra of hisses filled the cave as the Golbat flooded back in. They were determined to retake their home.

Farfetch’d glared up at them and quickly fired off air slash, knocking a few of the Golbat loose with its ball of wind.

The others gathered into a wall and fired off a thick wall of poison at the group.

“Their using Toxic, cover your mouths!” Kyoko called.

Everyone quickly covered their mouths at the sludge slammed onto the cave floor and released a toxic, purple gas into the air.

Farfetch’d reached for its mouth but missed when it’s stick fell to the ground.

Kyoko quickly bent down and covered Wingull and Farfetch’d with his shirt, acting as an air filter as he covered his mouth with one hand.

Farfetch’d looked around from the compressed area of Kyoko’s shirt and tried to think of a plan to help the trainers. It looked at Wingull and muttered a plan in its PokèLanguage.

As the toxic cloud began to funnel out of the cave, Wingull and Farfetch’d darted from out of Kyoko and into the Golbat.

Wingull’s wings glowed a bright white color and it slashed half of the Golbat, knocking them into the wall with its propelled Wing Attack.

Farfetch’d coaxed its entire body in a white aura and then slammed into the other half of the Golbat at a super high speed with its Quick Attack.

Most of the Golbat flew out of the cave timidly while 3 remained and hissed viciously at Farfetch’d.

Farfetch’d quickly jumped into the air and sliced its green stick up and down, sending out boomerangs of air which sliced into the Golbats and send them flying into the cave wall.

The Golbats tried to sit up but eventually gave in and left the cave as the rising morning sun began to shine into the cave.

Farfetch’d landed confidently on the ground, out of breath from the effort it had to pull forth to protect the group.

Kyoko held Wingull in his arms happily, “Wow! That was one of your strongest Wing Attacks by far Wingull, I’m so proud!”

Wingull flapped its wings excitedly, “Wing!” it agreed.

Kyoko looked back at the others and then down at Farfetch’d, “Thank you… again I suppose. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see that Wingull got to fight along with a skilled battler since we haven’t had much battle experience…” he said, embarrassed.

Farfetch’d held its stick over its shoulder confidently, “Far-far” it replied with a modest nod.

Aries appeared from behind Kyoko, “So then, you must be pretty good friends with this Farfetch’d. Have you tried catching it?” she asked, hoping he had been successful at something.

Kyoko blushed, “Well I mean… we aren’t exactly friends… and I did try to catch it but-“

Farfetch’d quickly flew onto Kyoko’s other shoulder, opposite Wingull and held its stick into the air, “Far!” it cried out happily, interrupting Kyoko.

“But… I didn’t have a Pokeball on me… heh heh” he chuckled, realizing Farfetch’d didn’t want to embarrass him with being rejected.

Aries sighed and smiled slyly, “Great move I suppose,” she reached in her bag and handed him one of her empty ones, “Perhaps start carrying some since you’ll always need one for any capture.”

Kyoko smiled and held the Pokeball in his hand. He felt his fingers begin to jitter, he didn’t think he’d catch anything at the rate he was going.

Farfetch’d looked up and down and then rolled its eyes, knowing Kyoko wasn’t going to be moving anytime soon from his nervousness. It leaned down and pecked the Pokeball on its capture button, opening the ball and happily went inside.

Kyoko gasped as he watched the ball shake three times in his hand and send out a small firework of sparkles, signaling the capture as complete! Kyoko smiled his brightest smiled and held the ball into the air, “I-I did it! I caught my first Pokemon, Farfetch’d is mine!” he shouted happily and jumped into the air out of glee.

Wingull spread its wings out and flew around in circles with glee, proud of his trainer for gaining it a new friend!

Spoiler: CHAPTER 16 PREVIEW

Russo: Do you sense that Beldum?
Beldum: Bel-Bel!
Jacob: What are you sensing?
Russo: Wait, Beldum, where are you going?
Jacob: This doesn't look too good!
Russo: Next time, For Whom the Beldum Tolls!
Jacob: Is that really the best name for the chapter?
Russo: I can't think of one with Beldum freaking out!

 

[Jaypom]

Chapter 16​

For Whom the Beldum Tolls!​

“Beldum use Take Down!” Russo commanded with confidence.

Beldum’s body suddenly enveloped in a bright yellow aura. It then jolted forward and slammed into a makeshift target on the practice field at their present Pokemon Center.

The group had decided to break for the day and train.

Jacob and Aipom sat under the shade of a large cherry blossom tree and was gazing deeply at his laptop screen.

On screen, Maxim and his Chingling were both talking directly in what seemed to be a public service announcement about a contest held recently. Maxim pointed at the screen, “And the most recent one to obtain a ribbon is non-other than Olivielle and her Roselia. The Octoria Town Contest win gives Olivielle her very first ribbon! Be sure to stay tuned for the next announcements. Also, do not forget that our next contest will be held in the beautiful Seavaille Town, see all of you there!” he cheered and waved at the camera with his Chingling.

“Use Iron Head!” Russo shouted.

Beldum covered itself in a metallic, gray aura and it sped around the Cherry Blossom tree, sending a brush of loose blossoms down onto Jacob and Aipom who looked back out of curiosity.

Russo looked over and smirked, “Kinda hard to practice with Beldum having a limited move set, ya know?” he said, trying to make a conversation with Jacob.

Both Aries and Kyoko were absent, having went shopping for medicine and food for the travel to Seavaille Town.

Jacob looked at Beldum, who levitated emotionlessly next to Russo. Jacob stood up and walked over to Beldum, then began to take a deeper look at the Iron Ball Pokemon.

Beldum was a dull Teal color, probably from its lack of blood. It’s one eye seemed to glance around out of curiosity. The claws on its back were very sharp, most likely from Russo’s care to give it a more threatening vibe.

Jacob scratched his chin as Aipom jumped onto his shoulder and joined in on the analysis of Beldum. “Has Beldum always been so… blank?” he asked.

Russo looked at Jacob in a confused manner. “I don’t know what you mean?”

“Beldum doesn’t express emotion, does it feel anything?” Jacob asked.

“WELL OF COURSE IT DOES! IT’S LIVING! LOOK, when it’s pupil gets bigger, that means it’s excited or happy,” Russo replied annoyed and crossed his arms.

Beldum’s eye looked up and down, as though it were nodding.

Jacob rolled his eyes and suddenly felt a change in the air.

Russo uncrossed his arms and looked around, he felt something too.

Aipom held its head and it tumbled off of Jacob’s shoulder and into his arms, clearly having been in distress.

Beldum’s eye squinted, having felt a large force through the air as well.

Jacob looked around worriedly, “What on earth was that?” he asked.

Russo peered around but his vision was blocked by thick trees, shrubs, and a Pokemon Center wall.

Nurse Joy suddenly came running outside and towards the backside of the building. She had run to what looked like a large electrical box which had begun to spark.

Jacob and Russo both ran over to see what was the problem but stopped when another wave of force pulsated through the air.

Nurse Joy turned and saw the boys, “Do you two know what is causing that?” she asked out of fear.

Jacob and Russo shook their heads, “Not a clue” both replied in unison and turned to jinx each other but stopped as a third pulse knocked them off balance, clearly stronger than the other two.

Nurse Joy then pointed towards the forest behind them, “It must be that darn Pokemon again, it always does this around this time of the year. It loves to expel its pent up magnetic waves but they just cause our breaker to act up and disturb the recovery of our patient Pokemon!”

Jacob and Russo looked back and then at Nurse Joy.

“What Pokemon?” Russo asked.

Suddenly, Beldum turned towards the forest and sped off out of sight.

Russo gasped and watched Beldum disappear into the shrubs. “Beldum!” he called out worriedly and ran off after it.

Jacob looked at Nurse Joy worriedly, “What Pokemon is it…” he asked.






Russo dashed in between branches, being cut by hanging twigs and snagging bits of moss on his jacket. He eventually made his way to a large clearing, possessing a deep crater about a mile wide and half a mile deep. Russo peered down and saw Beldum with an angered look in its eye, staring straight at a larger, teal Pokemon which looked similar to Beldum.

Jacob suddenly busted through the trees and breathed heavily, feeling himself have a minor asthma attack which slowly died off. He caught his breath and looked down at the crater as well, “It’s a Metagross, like Nurse Joy said!” he exclaimed and quickly took out his Pokedex.

The Pokedex clicked on and began feeding information after scanning the Metagross. “Metagross, the Iron Leg Pokemon and the final evolved form of Beldum. Metagross are vastly more intelligent than the smartest of humans, having a brain that functions on the levels of a super computer.”

“I know what it is…” Russo muttered through grit teeth.

Jacob looked at Russo confused, “You know… that Metagross?” he asked.

Russo shook his head, “No… I’ve met one before… but it belonged to another trainer… Beldum’s first trainer…”




Russo looked back on a day very much like the present one. He was at a stadium watching a double battle between two trainers. One side was using a Magmar and Electabuzz, two of Russo’s admired Pokemon, and the other was using a Beldum and Metagross. The side with the Beldum and Metagross had been beaten pretty badly when the Beldum made a bad decision and went after the Magmar without a command. The Metagross trainer lost the battle. Later that day, Russo went to find the Magmar and Electabuzz trainer for an autograph but came upon a hideous sight… a badly beaten Beldum. Russo ran over worriedly and held the Beldum in his arms, struggling to hold up the heavy Iron Ball Pokemon. Russo could tell Beldum only weighed half of its normal weight, having been starved. The Beldum looked up at Russo faintly and began to nod off from exhaustion. Russo began to yell at the trainer, who brushed him off and ordered the Metagross to use a Hyperbeam on the kid since Russo shouldn’t be around. Both Russo and Beldum were knocked back quite a ways and left in an alley to rot with their wounds.







Russo looked at his revealed arm, having a massive gash along his lower right arm.

Jacob felt like Jell-O. His body twanged at the sight of the scar, Russo had never revealed it to him since he was always in a jacket.

Russo lowered his head, “A trainer rejected his Beldum when it began to act up in a battle. He ordered his Metagross to teach it a lesson and then release it after it couldn’t take the pain. He attacked me when I stepped in, and now… Beldum gets angry at the sight or sense of any Metagross” Russo told Jacob.

Jacob looked down at Beldum glaring at the Metagross, who looked back out of confusion.

Metagross tucked back its four legs and began to hover around Beldum, analyzing it. “Meta… Gross… Meta Meta Meta” it said.

Beldum cringed, “Bel! Beldum Beldum dum dum Bel!” it screamed back.

Metagross stumbled back and then glared angrily, having been disturbed and not liking Beldum’s attitude.

Suddenly, Nurse Joy came running through the tree’s as well and saw Beldum with Metagross. “Oh no… Is that Beldum one of your Pokemon?” she asked the boys worriedly.

Russo turned and looked at her, “It’s… mine, why?” he asked.

Nurse Joy looked at him with fear in her eyes, “Do not get involved with that Metagross, it is severely strong and able to do things that most trainers would never consider!

Suddenly, Beldum surrounded itself in a bright yellow aura and rushed at Metagross, slamming into Metagross and knocking it off balance.

Metagross grit its teeth and yelled back at Beldum, “Meta! MET-AH!” it shouted.

Beldum ignored and surrounded itself in a light blue light, then slammed into Metagross once again.

“Tell your Beldum to get away!” Nurse Joy pleaded.

Russo shook his head, “No use, Beldum will battle till it wins or gets knocked out… which it has only been the second option” Russo replied, emptily.

Metagross recovered from being hit, twice, and then opened its mouth wide. It charged up a bright purple and red light which was then fired off in a beam. The beam slammed into Beldum and exploded, sending Beldum flying back into Russo’s arms.

Beldum hung in Russo’s arms, knocked out from Metagross’ Hyperbeam just as in Russo’s memory.



Later that day, Russo and Jacob looked on at a recovering Beldum in a Pokemon Center patient room.

Beldum was hooked up to an IV Machine that fed magnetic waves into Beldum, since it possessed no veins. Beldum also rested upon a comfortable pillow atop a large hospital bed.

Russo stood behind an observing glass separating the hallway from the recovery rooms, and looked at Beldum sadly, having hoped Beldum would get over its anger.

Jacob stood next to Russo awkwardly, wondering what kind of small talk he could make since the silence was killing him. “So… Have any plans to help Beldum get over this little… anger issue?” he asked.

Russo sighed, “It’s not an anger issue, it’s a grudge that Beldum holds against all Metagross. It doesn’t feel as though it can trust them. Beldum doesn’t enjoy loosing you know, its hard to help it calm down. After Solarus defeated it, Beldum didn’t want to eat for days since it felt so ashamed” Russo replied.

Jacob looked at Russo surprised, “So basically… Beldum is a pouty brat who can’t let a loss go?” he asked.

Russo looked back at Jacob, “Not… necessarily. Beldum’s just really confident and doesn’t like that it loses. It’s always been this way, even since I took it under my wing and raised it. Beldum was my first Pokemon, it has only ever been defeated by ten trainers in our entire time of being partners,” Russo replied, “I train Beldum in the hopes it will be strong enough to never lose.”

Jacob laughed, “But there is always going to be somebody stronger than you Russo. You’ll never know when you will meet them, but Beldum has to be prepared for the inevitable time of losing. Try talking to Beldum, let it know you are okay if it loses. That if it does lose a battle, you won’t abandon it like its last trainer.”

Russo nodded, having never considered just talking to Beldum one on one and assuring it that loss is something that happens to everyone. Russo stepped back and took a deep breath, then walked into Beldum’s resting area. Russo walked forward and noticed Beldum had a bad bruise near one of its claws, probably from the Hyperbeam spinning Beldum,

Beldum’s eye slowly opened and it looked up at Russo, who smiled back down at it. Beldum quickly looked away, being scared since it had lost.

Russo gently brushed his hand over Beldum’s hard body, “Beldum…” he whispered.

Beldum tightened up, getting ready for a hit or punch or toss or… something that would hurt and surely teach it a lesson.

Russo then picked up Beldum, struggling from its weight, and hugged it close. “I know I had never really told you before, Beldum, but you are my number one partner. I’ve had you longer than Larvesta, we’ve been through so much together since that day your old trainer literally threw us together. I know you are scared that I will punish you like your old trainer, but I promise you that I won’t get mad. You losing is not your fault, it’s mine. Please Beldum, don’t run off into a fight so you can prove yourself, especially against anymore Metagross too. Your old friend probably didn’t want to attack you like your old trainer made it, please don’t hold your grudge anymore little buddy… please…” Russo whispered, hoping to get through to Beldum.

Beldum lowered its eye, listening and soaking in everything Russo was saying.

As Russo concluded his acceptance of Beldum, Beldum looked around and sunk back down on its pillow.

Russo smiled down at Beldum, “So… are you all good yet?” he asked sweetly.

Beldum turned away and quickly sped out the window, having seemed to ignore Russo’s words.

Russo quickly grew angry, “You jerk you always do this! Get over your stupid grudge!”

Jacob stumbled back, “Why didn’t that work?” he shouted through the observation glass.

Russo turned and shouted back, “I’ve already told Beldum that like fifty times but I thought I might as well play along. It’s too stubborn to listen!”

Jacob sighed and held Aipom in his hands, “Then I guess we might as well follow it…” he mumbled.








Beldum quickly sped over the crater wall and stopped in the center to look for the Metagross. “Bel! Beldum!” it shouted in challenge.

Metagross suddenly appeared from beneath some nearby gravel, having been napping.

Beldum glared at Metagross, determined for a rematch.

Jacob and Russo both reached the crater and gazed down at the erupting battle.

Jacob suddenly had an idea, “When Beldum runs off to challenge things… do you ever help it?” Jacob asked.

Russo thought to himself and replied, “No, I don’t think so. I usually just let it do what it wanted and then heal it once it tires out or wins. Why do you ask?”

Jacob smirked, “I’m sure if you help it beat that Metagross, it will help it get over the grudge. It won’t win alone; it more than likely just wants to assure itself that it can win.”

Russo crossed his arms, thinking Jacob’s plan might actually work. He sighed and tossed out two of his Pokeballs which popped open and sent out Larvesta and Totodile.

Totodile stretched out its jaw and gazed around aimlessly, having been woken up from an afternoon nap like Metagross.

Larvesta puffed a few embers out of its horn-collar to signal it was ready for a fight.

Russo walked over and tugged Beldum back to the other Pokemon and turned it around. He leaned up against Beldum’s eye and smiled at it warmly.

Beldum tried to turn away but wasn’t able to fight Russo’s strength. “Bel!” it shouted in resistance.

Russo laughed calmly, “Why are you like this Beldum. It’s been 10 years since I’ve met you. We’ve been through so many battles together. You act so distant sometimes. It’s hard to think you wanted to come with me…”






Russo thought back to the aftermath of being hit by the Hyperbeam. He raced with Beldum on his back to the Pokemon Center, limping and moaning in pain with his ankle broken and a large gash down his lower arm. Beldum’s eye had shut for nearly 10 minutes, which worried the tiny Russo. He tripped through the Pokemon Center doors and was immediately rushed to nearest human hospital while Beldum was rushed to a Pokè-ICU. Days rushed by as Russo recovered, having lost a large amount of blood from his wound. He was eventually wheeled to the Pokemon Center to see Beldum, who seemed to have recovered fully and was racing around the back of the Center to increase its speed. Russo had an innocent smile, a true smile, a smile of a child and not of a deviant rebel at this point. Beldum stopped and noticed his rescuer arrive. It hovered over and greeted him. Over time, Russo visited Beldum daily and grew a bond with it, eventually catching Beldum by the time Russo turned 10. Battles were won, never lost when Russo was with Beldum. He knew Beldum had a fear of losing, having be scarred by its previous trainer. Russo witnessed Beldum grow worried every time it got close to losing a battle and would call off anything. Eventually, as Russo got older and experienced his changes in attitude, he began to grow used to Beldum loosing and would allow it to lose but never punish it. After the Kimpier City gym battle, Beldum awaited a punishment but never received. Instead, Beldum received another bowl of food and one of the few smiles Russo gave that truly meant he cared.





Russo leaned back to show a smiling Larvesta and Totodile behind him. “See Beldum, we are a team. You don’t have to worry about your fear of losing because we have your back. I promise you Beldum, I don’t care if you lose but I do care when you act this way. It scares me that you still want to prove yourself against large opponents, like Metagross, when you see fit. Know that you’ve been my friend for so long, much longer than anyone I’ve known, and you’ll always continue to be my best friend”.

Jacob smiled with Aipom in his arms. He didn’t realize Russo actually had a caring side since he was always so snarky and sarcastic.

Russo clenched his fist confidently, “Beldum, even if you lose we are here right beside you. We are your friends; you don’t have to win your battles to prove yourself to us since we are here to help in any way we can. You also don’t have to hold your grudge against all Metagross anymo-“ Russo began but was knocked off his feet and sent flying with all of his Pokemon by Metagross’ angry Hyperbeam.

Metagross began hovering off the ground and chuckling at its power.

Russo sat up, having been knocked a good few meters away but seemed to be unscathed like all of his Pokemon. “Ok… maybe you can keep your grudge against that one!” he screamed angrily. He stood up and took command as their trainer, “Use Zen Headbutt Beldum, Totodile use Aqua Tail, and Lavesta use Take Down!” he commanded.

Beldum quickly surrounded itself in a bright blue aura while Larvesta copied with a yellow aura and Totodile quickly swirled a water vortex around its tail. The trio then rushed in and slammed into the Metagross with enough force to knock it out of hovering and into the ground.

Jacob jumped up excitedly, “Awesome job! You can do it!” he cheered. “Aipa!” Aipom shouted in agreement.

Totodile slammed its fists together, pumped up for more action.

“Let’s keep it going, Totodile use- “

Metagross quickly hovered up and began spinning like a top as its legs glowed with a silvery light. It slammed into Totodile and sent it flying into a set of rocks behind Russo, knocking it out.

Russo felt himself lose his pace and quickly jumped back into the fray, “Use Ember, Larvesta!”

Larvesta pointed its horns at Metagross and quickly fired off a barrage of fire pellets at Metagross.

Metagross’ eyes turned dark blue as it imagined the pellets turning around and hitting Larvesta, which they did.

Larvesta was sent into the ground by the force of the countering Psychic-Ember attack and was knocked out, the same as Totodile.

Russo began to realize this might not have been such a great idea. “Maybe… we should back off…” he said worriedly.

Metagross then turned and made direct eye contact with Russo. It snickered and then began spinning once again with its legs emitting a silvery light, heading straight for Russo.

Russo gasped and covered his face with his arms, hoping to block some of the Gyro Ball’s power.

Suddenly, Beldum zoomed in and blocked the attack, stopping the Metagross from proceeding past Beldum’s tiny body. “Bel…. Bel…” it moaned as it tried to protect its trainer.

Russo lowered his arms and saw his best friend risking its life to help him.

Beldum looked at Russo and nodded. Beldum then felt a strange energy cover it. Beldum began to be cloaked by a mysterious, bright white light.

Metagross stopped its Gyro Ball and backed away to see what was happening.

Beldum felt its body shift and change, having begun to evolve! It felt its body flatten out into a more circular body than a cylindrical one. Two arms melted out of the light, each with three spikes like Beldum’s old claw. Beldum disbanded the light and sent out a pulse of confidence, “Met-ang” it shouted.

Russo smiled excitedly, “No way… Beldum, you evolved into Metang!” he shouted excitedly and took out his Pokedex.

The Pokedex clicked on and began feeding information on Metang. “Metang, the Iron Claw Pokemon and the evolved form of Beldum. Metang have a strong sense of psychic and magnetic energy, allowing it to control bursts of both tenergies in battle.”

Metang turned and glared at the Metagross.

Russo then noticed his Pokedex beeping with a new notification. He opened it once again to see what it had to say.

The Pokedex beeped and opened a small screen showing Metang’s stats. “Metang, the Iron Claw Pokemon. Metang can use the following moves. Iron Head, Zen Headbutt, Confusion, and Iron Claw.”

Russo grew even more excited, “You even learned new moves Metang? AWESOME!!!” he shouted and danced around. “Now let’s show that Metagross your power, Use Iron Claw!”

Metang gathered tons of metallic energy from its body and sent it into its enlarged right claw. It then zoomed up to Metagross and slashed down, knocking back the Iron Leg Pokemon.

Metagross regained its balance and grew angrier, feeling its dominance threatened by its pre-evolved form.

Russo ran over to Metang, “You’re doing awesome, one more attack may finish it off!” he cheered. “Use Confusion and then Iron Head.”

Metang’s eyes glowed a light blue and then covered Metagross in matching light. Metang then sent Metagross into the ground and locked it in place by sticking Metagross’ claws into the ground like umbrella stands. Metang then cloaked itself in a metallic gray aura and slammed into Metagross, sending it flying high off into the air and out of sight.

Russo cheered and ran over to Metang in celebration. “We did it, we did it, oh yeah yeah yeah!” he cheered and laughed.

Jacob smiled from up on his perch, impressed with Russo’s work. His eye twitched and he felt a shift in the air.

Suddenly, Metagross zoomed in a speed of nearly 100 miles an hour and headed directly into Russo and his Pokemon, who were too late to notice.

Russo and his Pokemon turned but as Metagross slammed into the ground, Russo and his team disappeared into a mosaic of brightly colored pastel light. A second later, he looked around and saw Jacob standing next to him with Aipom in his arms and Ralts down beside him. He looked down and saw Metagross face-first lodged in the ground, having overused its powerful Giga Impact. He stuck out his tongue at Metagross, “Loser!” he shouted and then laughed again with all of his Pokemon.

Jacob sighed, “I totally saved your butt and you don’t even thank me… jerk,” he muttered.

Russo slyly looked at him in his usual manner. “Last I checked, you were up on this cliff acting like a cheerleader. I’m the one who was battling, and because of it, my Beldum evolved and is now a super awesome Metang!” he replied, still joyous.

Jacob rolled his eyes, “I guess I shouldn’t have expected you to thank me then. It’d be out of charac- “Jacob stopped when he noticed Russo’s hand extended towards him.

Russo raised an eyebrow, “Thank for Teleporting us out of there. That’s my thank you.”

Jacob smirked and shook his hand, “You’re welcome”.

The two then turned back towards the Pokemon Center, heading back to retell their day to a waiting Aries and Kyoko.

As they walked, Metang looked back at the Metagross, realizing that it didn’t care about defeating its kind anymore… since it would someday be a Metagross too.

Spoiler: CHAPTER 17 PREVIEW

Aries: It's pretty dark in this cave.
Russo: Hold on, I'll make some light.
Team Element: Who goes there?!
Jacob: Well crap...
Kyoko: It seems we are in a predicament.
Jacob: Next time, Criss-Cross Cavern Chaos !
Aries: I wonder what Team Element plans to do exactly.
Kyoko: Something far more disastrous than I'm sure anyone expects.
???: You got that right.

 

[Jaypom]

Hi Hi everyone! I've gone ahead and added in a statistics section for the first post that contains all the information on the four main characters. I'm debating on whether to add in the info on the rivals or not but I'll leave these up for now. Also, sorry for the delay on Chapter 17. It seems I can only sit down and write during a definitive break of school, and one is coming up!

Current Stats (as of Chapter 16):
-Jacob:
-----Ribbons: Iridale (1/5)
-----Pokemon On Hand: Aipom, Ralts, Salamence
Aipom:
-Swift, Double Team, Iron Tail, Shock Wave

Ralts:
-Confusion, Magical Leaf, Disarming Voice, Teleport
-Ability: Skill Link

Salamence:
-Dragon Breath, Dragon Rage, Hyper Beam


-Russo:
-----Badges: Blaze (1/8)
-----Pokemon On Hand: Metang, Larvesta, Totodile
Metang:
-Iron Head, Metal Claw, Confusion, Zen Headbutt

Larvesta:
-Ember, String Shot, Hidden Power, Take Down

Totodile:
-Scratch, Bite, Water Gun, Aqua Tail
-Ability: Torrent


-Aries:
-----Pokemon On Hand: Mareep, Silveon
Mareep:
-Tackle, Thundershock, Cotton Spore

Silveon:
-Moonblast


-Kyoko:
-----Pokemon On Hand: Wingull, Farfetch'd
Wingull:
-Water Gun, Icy Wind, Wing Attack

Farfetch'd:
-Air Cutter, Quick Attack, Air Slash

 

[Jaypom]

Chapter 17:
Criss-Cross Cavern Chaos​

“Criss-Cross Cavern, the cave of many winding roads,” Kyoko read aloud as he peered down at a birch wood sign.

Aries lifted a strand of hair off of her shoulder and flicked it to the side. “The cave as many entrances and exits. If we wanna make sure we get to Seavaille Town and Breezeville City, we need to make sure we take the right path,” she stated as she fidgeted in place, trying to get a pebble out of her shoe.

Aipom crawled up onto Jacob’s head and peered into the pitch black pathway. It shuddered and climbed down into Jacob’s arms for safety.

Jacob sighed and walked forward, “We aren’t going to get anywhere by standing here. There’s a set path that we went over nearly a million times last night. We’ll stick to it and get through before the sun sets.”

Russo nodded his head and marched further than Jacob, “And I shall lead the way!”

Everyone shuddered at the thought of Russo leading them. He wasn’t the… “best” … with directions. One time, he led them into a nest of Beedrill because his gut told him a berry nest was there instead.

Aries bit her nails cautiously, “Why don’t you lead us, Kyoko? You do have the map…” she suggested, not wanting to get lost in the cave.

Kyoko blushed and cocked his glasses, “I-I’d love to, for you Aries.”

Aries smirked and nudged Kyoko forward, hoping he’d start walking.





Deep within the cave, a set group of individuals scanned the rocky walls with various devices. They were all dressed in slick, black suits and wore tan colored pins on their chest pockets. On the pin, a large E was inscribed and reflected back any light shining on it.

“Sir, we are picking up minor readings on the location of a plate. How would you like to proceed?” one of the workers asked, a grunt it seemed.

A man emerged from the shadows. He was dressed in a brown trench coat and had spiked, gelled hair. He had dark brown eyes to match his muddy brown hair. “Obviously break the walls open people,” he commanded in a deep, earthy voice.

“Commander Dierk, we’ve received word from Troupe 4 that four teenagers have entered the cavern from Western Entrance 3,” a grunt called out from a niche in the wall.

“Ignore it. Travelers come through all the time, that Entrance is too far away for them to find us. However, you all are aware of what to do if anyone gets involved.” He replied smugly.






Aipom jumped off of Jacob’s shoulder and landed on its tail, hanging on a rock jutting out from the wall. “Aipa!” it cheered happily, excited to be traveling.

“Are we going the right way?” Jacob asked curiously from the back of the group.

Kyoko rotated his handheld map to the left, then back to the right. “Well, I’d love to give a definitive answer, but the torches lighting our path aren’t the best source of- “he began but stumbled over and fell flat on his face.

“Are you okay?!” Aries shouted and ran over to help him to his feet.

Russo walked ahead and peered into the dimly lit path. “This place is so dark you can barely tell if you’re headed the right way”.

Aipom hopped of its rock and landed on the ground. As it landed, it noticed a small hole in the wall that had a dim light at the end of it. Its ears twitched and it began to crawl into the hole and see what the faint noise it had heard was.

Jacob looked down and noticed, quickly reaching down and picking it up. “What are you doing Aipom? Don’t go getting lost now, we need to stick to the path.”

Aipom looked towards the hole again, hearing a faint, knocking sound. Like a pickaxe perhaps, mining away on the mineral walls. Aipom pointed towards the hole, “Ai-Aipa-Ai!” it shouted.

Russo shook his head, “You’re Pokemon is crazy Jacob, wanting to run off into some wierdo crawlspace. What could it possibly want to see?”

Jacob sighed and leaned down, measuring the size of the hole. It seemed big enough that he could crawl through if he was flat on his stomach. He looked into Aipom’s eyes, “You know… it does look pretty tempting to see what’s on the other side… the tunnel is only… 20 feet long?” He stood up and took of his backpack, handing it to Kyoko. “I’m gonna go with Aipom!” he decided on a whim.

Everyone rolled their eyes, annoyed with his decision.

“You can’t be serious?!” Aries exclaimed, “That’s the dumbest idea you’ve come up with all day! We need to keep going, no getting sidetracked!” she screamed, annoyed with Jacob’s decision.

Kyoko cocked his glasses, “She’s right Jacob, no reason to go on your own just because Aipom is curious.

Russo slipped off his backpack also, “I’ll go too”.

Aries and Kyoko both looked over in shock. They then turned and looked at each other, both sighing in unison.

Aries lowered her purse onto the ground and made a pile of their backpacks. “Fine, we’ll all go. This is a dumb idea but we might as well stick together since nothing good will come of splitting up.”

Aipom smiled and crawled into the tunnel, burrowing through and into the torchlight on the other side.

Jacob bent down and laid flat on his stomach. He bent his arms inward and began to inch on through the crawlspace. It was moist inside, the tunnel may have functioned as a water passage or irrigation previously.

Aries followed behind, with Kyoko in pursuit and Russo rounding off the rear.

Aries flicked a bang out of her face, feeling a bead of sweat forming. “It’s so hot in this tunnel!” she whined.

“It’s because there’s four teenagers crawling through a small space. Our breathing is what is causing this heat because we are so confined,” Kyoko informed, stopping and slowing down Russo’s pace.

Russo scoffed, “C’mon man, I’m getting claustrophobic in here!” he muttered.

Jacob managed to make it out of the tunnel, feeling a gust of cave air greet his skin as he stood. He turned and helped the others out and onto their feet.

Russo flapped his jacket, clearing it of dirt and dust. “Where are we?” he asked.

Kyoko cocked his glasses and looked around, “Well, the tunnel next to ours apparently leads to a small chamber that is considered the direct center of the cavern,” he blurted out.

Aries turned and looked off into the dim, torchlight. “Hey… do you guys see something?”

Jacob and Russo turned to look as Kyoko took off his glasses for cleaning.

Suddenly, a tiny Zubat fluttered onto the scene. It flapped its wings rapidly to stay in flight. “Zu!” it shouted as a threat.

Aipom glared at it and began shouting at it, “Aipa! Ai! Ai! Pom-Ai!”

Zubat turned and shouted off into the tunnel, “Zuuuu!!! Baattt!! ZU! BAT!!”

Jacob looked at it confused, “What is it doing?” he whispered.

Aipom suddenly stuck its tail into the air and gathered energy into it. Its tail became coated in a silvery, metallic aura that made it hard as steel. It propelled forward and slammed its tail into Zubat, knocking it off into the darkness and smashing it into someone.

The group gasped at Aipom’s move!

Suddenly, the group of figures from before emerged with Pokeballs in hand.

Jacob and the others backed away, shocked at the presence of others.

“Who are you?” Russo called out.

“Zubat, use Supersonic!” one of the figures called out, tossing the Zubat from before into the air.

Zubat opened its mouth wide and began screeching, sending out soundwaves at Jacob and the others.

The group covered their ears in pain, trying to block out the horrible sound emitting from Zubat.

Aipom ran up to Jacob and grabbed onto his leg tightly, trying to resist confusion.

Zubat stopped and fluttered over next to its trainer.

The trainer was a tall, black haired male who seemed to be in charge of the figures. “We are Team Element, state your reasons for attacking.”

Aries flipped her hair angrily, “Well your stupid Zubat came over and started yelling at us. It ticked off our Aipom, which apparently has the shortest temper in the world, to which Aipom responded by attacking.”

Kyoko returned his glasses to his eyes and remembered back to Kimpier City. “That name… Your clothing is different, but you are the ones who attacked the Kimpier Gym!” he exclaimed.

The man possessing the Zubat snickered, “Ah yes, you’re the ones who foiled our kidnapping. No matter that, we got what we needed from that little event. Now, we are after something much larger. Zubat, use Toxic!”

Zubat flapped its wings and zoomed high into the air. It opened its mouth wide and shot down a stream of thick, purple ooze that fizzed and released a toxic gas cloud into the cave.

Jacob and the others panicked, backing away from the cloud to resist getting poisoned.

Aries led the others down a narrow passage, opposite of the Toxic’s travel path.

The group reached a clearing in the cave and discovered a mass excavation site, the center base of Team Element in the cave.

Dozens of grunts turned and looked at the teens and laughed devilishly.

“You there, children, can we help you?” a deep, earthly voice called out. The man in the brown trench coat stepped forward and revealed himself.

Russo looked towards Jacob and noticed Jacob was panicking. The entire group was in fear of this menacing team surrounding them. They knew nothing of Team Element except for them not being up to any good.

Aries brushed a stray hair from her eyes and clutched a Pokeball in her hand. “This is, by far, the worst decision we have ever made!” she whispered loudly.

The commander, Dierk, chuckled. “Now, now, we aren’t going to attack you all willy nilly. That would just be rude. Instead, we’ll escort you out and you can forget this ever happened. Sound good?” he offered.

Kyoko narrowed his eyes, not trusting Dierk. “Who are you…” he questioned.

Dierk’s smile flattened. “Why do you ask?” he replied, annoyed.

Jacob clutched Aipom in his arms, “Why are you all in here? What is this place?” he asked rapidly.

Dierk grew more annoyed, “Listen kids, our little deal is that you get to leave, but you ask no questions. Understand?” he yelled back.

Suddenly, a scanner near Dierk began beeping and sending out loud alarm pulses. Dierk turned and looked at the screen, smiling at the results. “Well, well. Sorry kids, play time is over. Time for you to leave. Zachary, escort them out.” He motioned at the grunt who possessed the Zubat.

The Zubat Grunt nodded and snapped his fingers, signaling the other grunts to surround Jacob and the others and escort them out.

Aipom glared and hopped down onto the ground. It then darted towards the scanners and quickly looked at the screens before anyone could react.

Jacob reached out to grab it but missed. “Come back!” he shouted worriedly.

Dierk looked over and was disgusted at the sight of Aipom. “What did I say?” he yelled at the trainers angrily. He backhand slapped Aipom and knocked it to the ground.

Jacob clenched his fist tightly, “What was that for? We were leaving you asshole!” he shouted angrily.

“I said, leave and forget,” Dierk responded. He walked over and glared deep into Jacob’s eyes. “Don’t try me, kid, I’ll be your worst nightmare if you make me,” he threatened.

Aipom sat up and rubbed its cheek. It looked up angrily at Dierk, not liking him one bit.

Dierk sighed, “Team Element will do things peacefully, we are reasonable people. If you cross us, however, even when we give you multiple chances… we will attack. We will prove our point. Leave this place, last warning. Do even the slightest movement of resistance, and it will be met with force.”

The group looked at each other worriedly. They knew that one word would throw the entire cavern into chaos.

Jacob lowered his head and looked at Aipom, who had a pissed off look on its face.

Aipom snickered and tip towed over to the scanner while all eyes were fixed on the teenagers. It grabbed a small drive from the computer and hid it within its mouth. It dashed over and into Jacob’s arms.

Jacob sighed and turned, being led to the cavern’s exit and back towards the path of their backpacks.

Dierk smirked and returned to his scanners and continued his research.

As they reached the tunnel, a thundering scream echoed throughout the cave! “Where is it?!” Dierk exclaimed.

Jacob panicked, knowing they knew about the theft. He quickly motioned for the others to crawl through as fast as they could.

Aries went first, plowing through the mud and dirt to the other side in a matter of seconds.

Jacob went next, wanting to get Aipom out as fast as possible.

Kyoko went third, pausing momentarily when his glasses fell off but making it through a little slower than Jacob.

Russo rounded up the rear, standing up and dashing off as soon as he made contact with the other side.

Jacob turned and looked back, seeing light emitting from the crawlspace to signal they had been followed and narrowly escaped.

Aipom quickly screamed and halted everyone’s movement.

“What’s wrong?” Aries asked concerned.

Jacob looked at Aipom confused, wondering why Aipom would stop them.

Aipom leapt off of Jacob’s shoulder and landed on the ground, ready for a fight. Only there was one problem, no enemies around.

Suddenly, the ground surrounding the group began to swirl and cave in. The ground had practically melted and created a sand trap, locking their legs in up to their waist.

Aipom broke free with ease and tried to pull out Jacob but was shot down by a Pokemon’s attack.

Jacob looked over and saw Dierk and a team of grunts emerge from the shadows. Jacob looked next to Dierk and saw a large, brown, hippopotamus Pokemon glaring at the group. Jacob took out his Pokedex and quickly scanned it.

The Pokedex clicked on and began feeding information, “Hippowdon, The Heavyweight Pokemon. Hippowdon absorb sand as they tunnel through the ground. It will open its mouth wide to intimidate its foes.”

Hippowdon blew a puff of sand out of its nose, angrily. It was ready for a fight.

Dierk clenched his teeth furiously, “Give us… the data…” he demanded.

Aries looked around confused, “What data? What are you even talking about?” she asked.

Jacob tried not to make eye contact, knowing Aipom was hiding a drive in its mouth.

Dierk crossed his arms and walked in between the bodies of Russo and Kyoko, both trapped waist deep within the sand. “Why on earth would you steal from us? What we have, and know, is of no concern to you children. We acted very fairly and I just do not appreciate how you have been treating us. Therefore,” he began as he grabbed Aipom by the neck and proceeded to strangle it, “Give. Me. Back. My. Data.” He demanded and he tightened his grip.

Aipom struggled to breathe and tried to tear Dierk’s arms from around its neck. It couldn’t open its mouth or it would drop the disk it managed to steal.

Jacob clawed at the ground, trying to free himself. “PUT AIPOM DOWN!” he shouted angrily, cutting open his nails from the force of the clawing. He managed to free himself but stumbled even more as Hippowdon blew him to the ground with another puff of nose sand.

Russo quickly grabbed a Pokeball from his belt. “Metang, use Iron Head!” he commanded and tossed the Pokeball into the air.

The Pokeball shot open and Metang immediately zoomed forward, surrounded in a silverly, metal aura, and slammed into Hippowdon, sending it flying into the cave wall.

Dierk looked over and loosened his grip just enough for Aipom to sucker-punch him in the gut and knock his breath away. Dierk stumbled back and covered his stomach, trying to catch his breath. He coughed and managed to stutter out a command, “Attack them! Hippowdon, use Stone Edge!”

Hippowdon rolled over and glared at Metang, who had floated down and was hovering next to a recovering Aipom. Its eyes grew a dark red and began to form a swirling belt of rocks around its body. Hippowdon opened its mouth wide and roared, “POW!!”, sending the stones spiraling at Metang.

Aries freed herself and tossed a Pokeball into the air, “Sylveon, use Moonblast!” she ordered.

The Pokeball spiraled into the air and popped open, sending out her luscious pink Sylveon in a cloud of sparkles.

Slyveon raised its ribbon feelers into the air and gathered a ball of misty, bright pink aura. It then flicked its feelers and slammed the ball into the Stone Edge, reflecting the stones back at Hippowdon, causing a minor explosion.

Zachary stepped forward and commanded his Zubat to attack, “Supersonic!”

Zubat opened its mouth to attack but was interrupted by Metang.

“Use Confusion!” Russo quickly ordered.

Metang’s eyes grew a bright blue aura which surrounded Zubat. Metang moved its claw-arm and sent Zubat flying into the ground for an instant K.O.

Dierk rolled up his sleeves, “You know what, forget the stupid data. We have all we need on back-up drives. Accelia’s fate will soon be in our hands, who cares if a couple of kids like you get in our way. Hippowdon, Sandstorm. I want them out of here!” he ordered.

Hippowdon took a deep breath and inhaled a large amount of loose dirt.

Jacob quickly motioned for the group to grab hands and prepare for the attack.

Hippowdon then exhaled and sent a thick, gushing cloud of thin sand grains and sent Jacob and the others flying back and out of the cave.

As the group landed on their backs, Dierk glared at them from the shadows.

Jacob stood up angrily, “Hey, we aren’t done! You’re just vaguely telling us what you want, but we have your disk of information. What are you gonna do about that?” Jacob taunted.

Dierk smirked and chuckled, “Ah yes, scattered bits of information on a 128-megabyte drive will give you lots of interesting insight into Team Elements plans. Just know this kid, I’m a more forgiving admin in our organization. Stand in the way of others and, well, let’s just say you won’t be standing around so confident. Hippowdon, block the exit.”

Jacob and the others peered into the cave at the ominous reply as Hippowdon kicked loose a small avalanche that covered the exit of the cave with large boulders.

Aries crossed her arms, “That was a really confusing experience… But I guess they are a confusing little organization so it evens out.” She concluded.

Jacob held the small disk drive in his hand. He tries to figure out how he might read the information but, instead, shoved it into his backpack.

Aipom ran over and grabbed onto Jacob’s leg tightly, relieved he was alright.

Jacob looked down and smiled warmly.

As the sun began to set and turn the sky a bright orange, the group stood in silence. They looked at each other and tried to understand the experience they just had.

Spoiler: CHAPTER 18 PREVIEW

Jacob: Well neat! We arrived in Seavaille Town already!
Aries: Finally, I get a chapter focused on me.
Russo: Yeah, but it's such a basic plot.
Aries: Shut up, Russo! It's the same as yours.
Jacob: You'd think she'd be more nice with the way she threw me a victory dinner.
Aries: Next time, Mareep is on the Lamb !
Aries: Mareep, are you okay?
Mareep: Mare.........Mare-eep!

 

[System Error]

All right. A monster reporting in here, but not a machine - read this over the course of a day several weeks back during awards in spite of physical discomfort. One comment unrelated to this - while I like the concept of it, it might be best to put the Pokemon info into a spoiler box...since it contains spoilers and such.

Chapter-by-chapter stuff first. If this drags/gets more incoherent towards the end...well. Again, read this over the course of the day, which wasn't really a good idea. Also, I wonder if this will actually break any character limits? Guess I'll find out when trying to post it!

Spoiler: C1

- Very neat intro, mirroring the original games.
- I feel it's a bit weird to be comparing it to the size of a Wii.
- Man. Dex. Is. Annoying. I. Sure. Hope. It. Doesn't. Keep. Up. Which it didn't, thankfully, but might be something to edit.
- From the mother's urging, I think this is the first journey fic (I've read) where the parent is urging the kid to go. Although this contradicts later on.
- Form the mother's hugging...yes. This is definitely anime.
- Would it even make sense for her to be holding a frying...flying pan?! When she previously hugged him.
- Super weird breaking between scenes.
- He tumbled down in multiple cartwheels? For some reason, I can't help but think of this.
- It's a little weird where you mention their height differentials, to the point of where it's almost a passing thing.
- She punched a tree and sent it flying? Yes...this is indeed anime. But how would it nearly crush the girl if it went by the boys?
- This is super awkward!! What the hell, man?! The large woman enters and calls her 'young lady', like some big burly redneck, and then...what...what?! And from the later age guessing...well. I would guessed Hilda was twice her age and Villa half hers.
- So I guess we have a rival?!

Is your body ready for this? There's so many technical problems I probably missed a few here and there.

- There's occasionally places where there's a lack of a double space between lines.
- Various inconsistency with quotation marks and punctuation, way too much to list.
- A Woman called from downstairs. <- Needless capitalization
- I don’t need any tips from you dex. Later! <- Lack of capitalization
- He grabbed his red jackets <- Plural when it shouldn't be
- this time by his Pokemon <- Missed an accented e/inconsistent. Given later chapters where you don't use it, might be best to just remove the accented Es from this one.
- pointed towards the kitchen table with a flying pan <- Flying pan?!
- Jacob’s mom ambushed hugged him <- Typo
- It’s so hot, You’d think a sunny day was used <- Typo. A sunny day?! I'm guessing you're supposed to be referring to the move.
- The roof has begun turning a muddy red and the windows had begun to haze up. <- Using has/had in the same sentence?
- Aipom is referred to as an 'it' at first, and then a 'he'.
- Jacob walked back and feel onto his knees <- Typo
- Aipom what’d you do that for? <- Zero punctuation
- Pokémon league <- Usually, League is capitalized, because it's the name of an organization.
- Jacob put his hands behind his head and walked away, “I’m busy” <- No period anywhere here.
- “Wow….” He said amazed. <- An extra period after elipsis, and no comma between said and amazed.
- There's actually quite a few extra periods here and there beyond this, but I won't mention them all.
- his blue and white Jacket <- Jacket is randomly capitalized
- She had long blond hair <- "blonde" is the term used when you're referring to a female, "blond" is for males.
- Aipom nodded it’s head <- It's/its mixup. It's is "it is", its is possessive.
- The girl stood up and scoffed, “They took that cute Aipom from me!” she said in a pouting tone. <- You're kind of using two verbs to describe she talked here
- And this is my Aipom….” He said, <- He is unnecessarily capitalized
- Russo asks, talking to the large woman, what her name is. But the small girl answers.
- She tossed the Pokeball <- Inconsistent use of accented Es.
- Jacob pulled out his Pokedex <- See above. There's more of these, but I'll stop mentioning them from here.
- formed a cat like Pokémon <- cat like, should be hyphenated
- Jacob pulled out his Pokedex and scanned it. Dex beeped and scanned it, <- Kind of poorly written, I feel.
- Villa laughed wickedly, “Glameow use shadow ball!” <- Shadow Ball not capitalized, no comma between Glameow and use
- and smashed into the Shadow ball <- Shadow Ball only partially capitalized?!
- “Thank you too Beldum” <- No comma between too and Beldum.

Well, leaving aside by far the most technical error riddled fic I've seen, this...um. I'm not sure how to feel about this having read only this so far. It falls into the journey fic pitfall of starting way too early. Then we're thrust into a literally random battle against a "random" person. The fic is already all over the place. But, it's only the first chapter. And though almost forced, it does feel like a comedy anime, so you've accomplished that much.

Spoiler: C2

- Odd to see a character who's not only never seen a Joy before, but does a Brock-esque love at first sight gag. The description of her is pretty good in that regard.
- We have chips, candy, soda… pretty much any food you need <- That's just a bunch of junk! Where's the healthy stuff?
- Sweat marks? Anime.
- VENDING MACHINES VANDALIZED! Machines dest-wait, you just hit it and the candy drops?
- Pulling the sword from the stone? Your metaphors are bizarre at times, but I mean that in a good way.
- Cincinno as a doctor's Pokemon? Unique.
- How did Russo end up behind Jacob? Front desks usually don't allow for that...
- Clearly, the girl can't be running that fast, else she'd hit the sliding doors before they slide open!
- Okay. I did laugh at "she stole him" and then Russo freaking out a bit too late.
- Well, things went to crap pretty fast, didn't they?
- Anime. EVERYTHING EXPLODES.
- Decent enough battle, I suppose, but all the technical stuff distracted me.
- And Nurse Joy says nothing about Jacob just abandoning his post? Okay, forcibly, but still!

And typos/technical stuff.

- Again, various recurring issues with ellipsis/periods, commas in lack of places, and so on.
- The Sun <- Needless capitalization
- As he entered, He was whisked away <- As above
- There were two couple <- Typo
- two candy bars feel out <- Typo
- “You’re really weird….” He said, <- He is needlessly capitalized
- smothered in Milk Chocolate <- Needless capitalization, so much so I'm abbrieviating it NeeCap from now on.
- He opened his eyes and nearly cried, “THIS IS SO AMAZING!” he cried out, <- Kind of screwy, using 'cried' twice.
- Dex flicked on and beep twice <- Should be beeped.
- Cinccino, The scarf Pokemon. <- NeeCap on Scarf, NoCap on the
- All Nurse Joy’s in the Accelia region <- Typo, should be Nurse Joys (non-possessive)
- You aren’t trained in the field of Medicine… much less Pokemon medicine… <- One of those medicines shouldn't be capitialized. Or the other should be.
- acted as though he was sending and important message. <- Typo, an instead of and
- Aipom lifted his head as he lie on the floor <- Lay instead of lie? It's awkward either way, though.
- What’s with it’s face? <- It's/its mixup
- as though he were dead”. <- Needless quotation mark
- He squinted and noticed the shadow as actually a girl. <- Typo, was instead of as.
- “She left me in charge but she’s ba” <- May want to use a hyphen to indicate interruption
- but he manage to stop her <- Typo, should be managed
- I thought so I mean you look a little young <- Specifically pointing this one out, as this part could use a rewrite/more punctuation.
- He took our Dex and search for it. <- Searched instead of search, and out instead of our.
- teddy bear like Pokemon <- Hyphenate the like
- Should separate the two statements in the Pokedex entry with a period, not a comma.
- led him through a think bundle of bushes <- Typo, thick instead of think
- Aipom easily mad his way up <- Typo, mad instead of made
- “Teddi! Teddiursa!”. <- Too much punctuation, remove the period.
- “Let’s get you to a Pokemon center” <- NoCap on Center
- Dust surround Aries and Jacob <- Typo, surrounded instead of surround
- we need to get it to the Pokemon center!” Jacob called out <- NoCap on Center
- They bother huddled together and braced for impact. <- Typo...I'm not sure what you were going for here, but bother doesn't fit.
- Aries grabbed and Pokeball from her bag and though it <- Typo, a instead of and, as well as throw instead of though
- formed a yelled sheep like Pokemon <- Typo, yellow instead of yelled
- Her pokemon nodded and charged itself with Electricity. <- NoCap on Pokemon, NeeCap on electricity
- The whole battle scen at around this point becomes a string of single lines with mostly one statement each, which looks kinda ugly.
- enough to imobolize them <- Spelling error, immobilize instead of imobolize
- “Mareep use Cotton Spore and then tackle!” <- NoCap on Tackle
- The Sheep narrowed its eyes <- NeeCap on sheep
- It's a bit weird to say the other Ursaring "suddenly appeared" because it was always there, just wasn't doing anything until the other two were taken care of.
- “I got this this!” <- Two thises, gotta take one out.
- Aipom summersaulted <- Spelling error
- The Ursaring then put its hands to its head to keep it from going dizzy. <- Might want to go with "keep itself from going dizzy" here.
- Her voice was softer, and calmer than Jacob or Russo remember from when they first met. <- Tensing inconsistency, remembered instead of remember
- A bit late to be scanning the Pokemon here, I feel.
- “How were you sisters?” <- Typo, your instead of you

I...um. I usually do typos, but I just give up hereafter. There's just way too many of them! I'll keep up every now and then for comparison's sake, and point out any illogical design stuff in the meantime (and can help more if you really really need it), but for the timetable's sake, gotta keep pressing on.

This one was all right. A bit random again, but it served its purpose of giving some characterization set up right away.

Spoiler: C3

- The whole intro to this scene is confusing because they just came from a Pokemon Center, and with nothing to indicate they've left they're right back at another one.
- Aries. Tsun.
- Real smooth, Jacob. Real smooth.
- Huh. Thought it was just Anime that caused them to stop in their tracks and stare, but you just went and implied it may be mind control?!
- Aries lies down on a bed and goes to doze off, and then is somehow able to examine her figure in a mirror.
- Magical TVs that turn on by themselves...
- And the explanation as to why there was mind control going on! Fancy stuff, and dang. Jacob super stoic...even though he was smitten with a Joy briefly.
- Dayum, Jacob firing shots too!
- Olivielle insulting Aipom for dodging an attack that is undodgable?

...doing it anyway here because you had a big break in between this and the last one - January vs. June

- ran off towards the Pokemon center <- NoCap Center. You make this one a lot actually.
- Once they reached the center <- It's especially able to turn you around here, since it can also mean middle.
- Aries’ face turned hot read <- Typo, red instead of read.
- “The thing… It touched me!” <- Might be better to go with 'that thing' here.
- There's a needless/accidental line break around this part.
- “Are you okay Aipom” <- Needs a comma, needs a question mark.
- Jacob lowered her gaze <- B-But Jacob is a boy...
- “Hey, What are you doing? <- NeeCap on what.
- Jacob shook he head no. <- Typo, his instead of he
- stopped by the sound of the tv turning on. <- TV needs capitalization
- with her Pokemon.“And as you all can see, this young and talented beauty is definitely a force to be wreckened with! <- No space between the sentence, and typo - reckoned instead of wreckened.
- Aries shouted after and him <- I think you missed putting 'ran' in between 'and' and 'him'.

Okay, yeah. Just first two scenes and all that. There's plenty of more beyond that, but I don't want to be stopping every 10-20 seconds to mention that there's a typo somewhere. So again, only mentioning things that stick out. So this chapter was more focused and shorter than the others, and served a purpose of introducing another rival into the cast. Much less randomly than the other, too. Olivielle is certainly a haughty jerk, although not excessively so - neat how she kind of settled down after learning Jacob is a coordinator too. Kind of.

Spoiler: C4

- The Pokemon's name is Pelipper, not Pelliper
- The narration intro helps a bit with scene setting.
- And suddenly, randomness!! But it's fine, since Anime and there's this random boy around to help cool Jacob's face off!
- Aipom shouted in accompaniment. <- Spelling mistake
- Wait, do actual emeralds line Izzy's shirt?! Ridiculously expensive clothing if so. It also might be best to describe all at once, rather than mentioning the emeralds here and describing the shirt/her clothing itself several lines down.
- The warning of the Pelipper? What the?!
- Izzy the narc. Some friend she is.
- The words of encouragement scene is so anime. "If you believe, you can do anything!"
- And then the whole down gets in on a gang beatdown on the Pelliper, rather than just Kyoko. Oh well, it probably deserves it anyway.
- Man, battles being long strings of singular lines really throws me off.
- Payback OHKOs a Riolu? Must be one tough Pelipper. And naturally, the total rookie is able to beat it, because that's how Anime works.
- Poor Izzy. The childhood friend being ditched for the new girl. Still, this has got to be...okay. Far from the most insane reason to go on a journey ever, but still pretty silly. Albeit in an IC sense

A short battle. Eh. Nothing to say, here.

Spoiler: C5

- tfw active volcanoes are an attraction.
- "Thank you, come again!"
- Do like the description of the leader's voice.
- Wow. Talk about Great Moments for a Heel Turn. That gym leader went from polite and gentlemanly to a right prick in no time flat.
- Might've been better to compress the bit about potentially borrowing Pokemon all into one scene, instead of it being brought up twice across two different ones.
- Sheesh. Pokemon seem to have an affinity for randomly attacking trainers, huh?
- And Gym Leader is still a heel. An even bigger one too, for insulting a Pokemon.
- You describe the woman's clothing twice, first at the end of the scene at the Gym with Totodile, and then very shortly into the scene after - with expanded details. Might be best to cut out the first one.
- tfw active volcanoes can close because of water damage.
- Well, Solarus is absolutely boned. One of Russo's Pokemon has a chance at justice, and the whole world's going to be watching.
- As minimalist as it is, you sure can set a scene. Very sick gym design.
- It's ironic Solarus calls himself one, because as we've found out, he's no gentlemen.

All right, we're finally finding a bit of pace! Not a lot to say here. New Pokemon, setup for the next chapter, etc.

Spoiler: C6

- Felt there could've been a bit more banter between leader and challenger, although the observer commentary was good.
- Shouldn't Flash Fire have cancelled out any pain Ember would've caused, or something?
- Flame Charge's description is notably screwy. The fire attached to it's body, has a typo and makes no sense.
- Well...that indeed worked. Huh. Clutch. A String Shot might've been a bit more logical, that said, but this fits the mood I suppose.
- Was hoping that callout on not being a gentleman would be made, heh.
- Like how Russo has a catchphrase in battle. Nice little touch that adds to character.
- When the shirt comes off, EVERYBODY DIES.
- Talk about an excitable news reporter, sheesh.
- Nice, seems infrequent that you see an ability coming to play into an active capacity in a fanfic.
- Seems that battle took a while, and/or started late in the day. Huh. Okay then. And I guess as one party ends, another one begins.

This was a good battle on paper. However, I felt it could've been even greater if you milked the tension properly. Like before Magmar uses Thunderbolt, you could've built that up a bit by having Solarus get all ominous and stuff, have Russo wonder what's about to happen, and then kinda freak when that goes down.

Spoiler: C7

- Strong reaction from Aries towards the Power Plant. Wonder what's up? Well, it's kinda obvious when it comes to these sorts of things the general idea, but I wonder specifically what's up?
- And everything hits the fan, randomly, again.
- So now we have our Evil Team(tm), Team Element. Actually, on paper, seems creative so far. Instead of a traditional caste of grunts, admins, and leaders, it seems it's an elite group of various type specialist. Nice stuff.
- The remark towards overscanning was funny, but it doesn't change the fact that Jacob is overscanning a bit too much. Even if they are short, those tiny diversions every time something new pops out does get to be a bit grating after a while. It's almost an obsessive need for him...which could be interesting in its own right, if it were written that way. Furthermore, the issue of Dex getting annoyed just gets dropped shortly after this.
- Confusion and hair drying must take ages if it's expected they've worn off or haven't happened one day after...I'm guessing "the next day" part wasn't meant to be there? It's confusing.

A shorter one, it felt like. Just a small intro to the Evil Team(tm), although I felt it could've been larger - like giving Solarus a bit of screentime.

Spoiler: C8

- Interesting, giving an actual reason for why a walking Pokemon is a walking Pokemon, besides "it doesn't like balls lel". Although I do want to know how they eventually escaped the cave!
- And refusal to learn a move just because it'll cause it to evolve and make it have to stay in the ball? Priceless.
- OH MY GOD A TALKING POKEMON.
- Kirlia is quite cordial...
- So wait. Aries previously went to grab a doctor before several chapters back, but in this one, it's revealed she has some experience of her own? Well, I suppose it is explainable, but still.
- Helpin' Pokemon! Was going to bring up why they don't just use Pecha Berries, and well, this explains it.
- Remember, all you have to do is ask. And if you don't ask, just beg a lot and it'll eventually work.
- And finishing them with style!
- I wonder if Jacob will actually keep that promise, or if he'll pull a Primeape on it?

All right, let's do TYPOS and STUFF this chapter.

- Besides the usual, also noted you occasional use plurals of Pokemon names inconsistently, notably with the Patrats in this chapter - you use both that and Patrat as singular.
- why Aipom hates it’s Pokeball <- it's/its mixup
- Jacob looked over surprised as <- Should be a comma between over and surprised
- We’ve been working on its fear since when it evolves, Aipom wouldn’t be able to fit on my shoulder <- won't instead of wouldn't, and it'd be an Ambipom then, not an Aipom. Maybe fix up the first sentence, since it feels a bit clunky.
- So… does Aipom know double hit?” <- NoCap on Double Hit
- Two small, green and white Pokeball walked out cautiously. <- Typo, Pokemon instead of Pokeball.
- began feeding info of the taller on. <- Typo, one instead of on.
- You seem to like the phrase "clicked on and began feeding info" a lot. Really noticable here with two Pokedex descriptions side-by-side. A little variance doesn't hurt!
- Kirlia stand on the tips of their toes to prevent loosing balance. <- Typo, losing instead of loosing.
- The sentence describing Telepathy is a bit weird - Kyoko talks about a plus side, when there is no real negative side.
- “Ral… Ral….” He said to her <- NeeCap on he
- They both cringed in pain and unconscious <- Typo of some sort. Cringing in unconscious doesn't make a lot of sense...
- poisoned by a sludge bomb! <- NoCap on Sludge Bomb
- The way you open the scene in the grove is kind of abrupt, and not really fitting for opening a scene.
- “Its… clear?” Its/it's mixup.
- “That’s quite a sludge bomb!” <- NoCap on Sludge Bomb
- Again, an abrupt scene opener, as well as an abrupt ending to the previous one. Might be best if they're one long scene - i.e. write Jacob fleeing to the tree.
- he shouted excitedly, almost loosing balance on the tree. <- Typo, losing instead of loosing.
- can you use confusion <- NoCap on Confusion.
- “Aipa!” is squeaked out <- Typo, it instead of is.
- Ralts walked out the bushes <- Typo, walked out of the bushes
- shot multiple sludge bombs that rained down on Ralts. <- NoCap, Sludge Bomb
- “Great way of using confusion!” <- NoCap...
- noticed the Second Ariados <- NeeCap, second
- You say that Jacob "replied" to the Patrats, but he isn't really replying to anything...

Chapter length seems to vary greatly, eesh. But the pacing/transition issues aside, this was a cute little chapter and apprecitable way of getting a new Pokemon. Different to have a chapter with only Jacob around for the most part. Made it somewhat more focused.

Spoiler: C9

- No intro this time?
- Aries threatening people with a fork? Who does she think she is?
- So we got Anime Contests here. Well, this is anime, after all!
- Did...did Russo not notice his food had been stepped in? I'm guessing it happened after the Grand Festival thing, but it's funnier to imagine if it happened before.

Don't have much to say here.

Spoiler: C10

- Is the title a reference to Knights in the Nightmare?
- Still no intro.
- Raindrops falling to their death? What an insane description. 10/10
- Raindrops the size of Aipom's head?!?!!! What an insane weather phenomenon.
- It'd be funny if the door had to be pulled, not pushed. And why was Aries freaking out over trying knocking - you know, to alert the people inside?
- This scene kind of ends in a weird way, with Kyoko handling a book in a creepy way.
- And speaking of creepy!! Also, wow. The tub filled that fast. But...was totally expecting Aries to walk in on him or something.
- Wait, was he bathing in his underwear? Why would he have it on when they come in?
- “Russo? You’re okay man!” <- Feels a bit out of character for Aries to be saying this.
- So Aries (and Kyoko) doesn't question at all the big knight just waltzing through the abandoned building, but as soon as she sees the eye of terror she freaks out just like everyone else?
- So the most useless character of the group gets to do something! ...except not. Failure to catch a wild? Neat. Although it looks like it's not over, yet.

Setup chapter? I'm guessing as such, since the Duskull appears to be following. Otherwise, just plain filler.

Spoiler: C11

- Run Amuk.
- The comparisons as to where they keep Poke Balls is one of those things that could be better off as one paragraph, as an example.
- Er, "pleasure to finally speak with you"? But they spoke before, several chapters ago. Also, why would Jacob be so surprised, seeing as how he knows the Professor knows Russo?
- And an obligatory disaster - power outage!
- Haha, it was literally washed away. Pretty good stuff.

Well, this was filler in the truest sense of the term. Not much to say here. Just try to avoid these if you can, or at least have something like development happen in these ones.

Spoiler: C12

- ID bit was a bit awkward.
- Almost forgot the psycho existed, and if it weren't for the fact that I was marathoning this over the course of a day, probably would've altogether. And she's suddenly cordial?
- Heh, the Magikarp guy bits were pretty amusing.
- And Olivielle is suddenly very nice?!

Not much to say here. The appeals were nice, as were the visuals and description. If there's one thing no one can take away from you, it's your ability to paint a good descriptive picture.

Spoiler: C13

- And Aries with the random hug?!
- Talk about serious mood swings. Olivielle may be even crazier than Villa.
- More abilities coming into play
- Jacob may have become serious, but it seems a random shift - he goes from stammering and uncertain to focused as if a switch has been flipped.
- One battle has already taken placed between Jacob and Jocelyn with Jacob emerging victorious to move on to the semi-finals. <- Pretty serious one, Jacob beats this person off-screen in the semi-finals, to advance to the semi-finals. Should be advancing to the finals!!
- Oh baby, catfight!!
- Guess Rose is quite shocked at what its trainer had it do...
- "Bitch" in a fic rated E for Everyone. :^)
- It seems a bit random to be bringing up Jacob's family at a time like this, let alone the inhaler.
- Did you just copy/paste Roselia's pose from before?
- And BOOM! Turn it right around, baby! Sunny Day counter, bullseye.
- Did...did she seriously say 'cya' out loud?
- And more Aries hugs!! :3

A nice little chapter. Imagery still good.

Spoiler: C14

- Pokemon playing soccer?
- The infodump on the PokeWars was interesting, although still a bit of an infodump.
- Talk about playing hardball, eesh.
- How did the Salamence manage to track them? One persistent monster.
- lolfairytypeimmunity
- ball of Orange, Indigo, and Purple fire <- This phrase, with this exact needless capitalization, is repeated four times in this chapter?!
- And that just happened. Swell. It'll be interesting to see where it goes, though.

Capture chapter. A bizarre one as well. Lots of potential in a relatively new coordinator capturing a monster like this one. Definitely will be interesting to see where this one goes.

Spoiler: C15

- Wait, what the hell? It's noon, and then suddenly enough time passes for it to be night?! And nobody goes to look for him?! Okay, I guess it could be fine if it was like, winter. But it doesn't seem to be.
- Some characterization for Kyoko, I guess.
- Kyoko says it's lucky that he forgot to charge his phone? Um, what?
- RussOWNED by eating food off the ground, heh.
- You know, it occurs to me. You wrote in Russo as kind of slender...but it'd be more fitting if he was kind of pudgy, given his eating habits.

Eh. Dunno what to say here.

Spoiler: C16

- Odd bit of diversion to randomly show the scene on the TV, but I suppose that is better than "she obtained it off-camera"
- Whoa! So mad, so touchy, Russo.
- If Magmar is one of Russo's favorites, it might've resonated better if, back when fighting Solarus, he showed recognition of it as a species. Show some consistency. And such.
- Might want to call it a scar on the arm, since it'd have mostly healed by now and no longer qualify as a gash.
- Trippy but interesting recovery machine, makes sense for something with no blood though.
- Not much to say about the battle. It was all right, and the hype up beforehand was nice.
- Still anime. Sending a Metagross blasting off. Where do they go when that happens to them, anywa-oh. Splat.
- And yeah, was wondering if Beldum/Metang would realize that one day, it would become what it hates. Good awareness.

Sort of a different chapter, focused on a Pokemon for once. The flashbacks were nice. Again, I was marathoning this and am dying right now, so sorry if these ones towards the end are brief.

Spoiler: C17

- Ugh, pebbles in your shoe are the worst
- "A-anything for you, Aries-chan..."
- So much for Elements' fancy rainbow suits and unique hierarchy. Now they're just a bunch of twits who want Arceus.
- Wait, isn't Aipom claustrophobic? Why is it suddenly a tunnel spelunker?
- I like how the Element leader guy is a bit cordial at first, not just attacking back without mercy just because they were attacked first.
- Kyoko wasn't even there for the Kimpier Gym incident. And he seems to live in a village that probably wouldn't hear of these sorts of things.
- More heavy profanity in a fic rated E for Everyone!! :^)
- I guess Sandstorm is Whirlwind now.
- 128MB?! Accelia has pretty poor hard drive capacity, dang.

Typos, one last time for posterity.
- The cave as <- has instead of as
- A set group of individuals <- Kind of clunky
- Obviously break the walls open people,” <- should be a comma between obviously and break. Clunky statement too.
- that Entrance is too far away for them to find us. <- NeeCap on entrance.
- gets involved.” He replied smugly <- quotation should end in a comma, NeeCap on he
- the best source of- “he <- Wrong sided quotation,and it should be a space over
- Aipom hopped of its rock <- Typo, 'off' instead of 'of'
- “You’re Pokemon is crazy Jacob, <- Typo, your instead of you're
- some wierdo crawlspace <- Weirdo, not wierdo. Because I before E except after C (and AYE like in neighing and weigh) is a filthy falsehood with tons of other exceptions.
- He stood up and took of his backpack <- Off, not of
- “She’s right Jacob, no reason to go on your own just because Aipom is curious. <- No end quotation mark
- Aipom burrowed into a torchlight?
- Aries turned and looked off into the dim, torchlight. <- Needless comma
- No matter that, <- Clunky and/or typo.
- The Zubat Grunt nodded <- NeeCap on grunt
- “Hippowdon, The Heavyweight Pokemon <- NeeCap on the
- “Give. Me. Back. My. Data.” He demanded and he tightened his grip. <- NeeCap on he, and it'd be better if it was 'he demanded, tightening his grip' or something
- Not sure what you mean by Jacob cut open his nails.
- Slyveon raised its ribbon feelers <- Typo, Sylveon instead of Slyveon
- The sentence where Hippowdon blasts them out is a bit clunky; going "...that sent Jacob and the others flying" instead of "...and sent" might make it work better.
- so it evens out.” She concluded. <- NeeCap on she
- He tries to figure out how he might read the information but, instead, shoved it into his backpack. <- Tensing error, tried instead of tries

And the last one for now. Follow-up introduction of the villains. Was a bit disappointed by Elements turning out to be just like any other evil team, just to make that perfectly clear.

-----

So this is a fic that feels has just a bit more good than bad, but that's possibly being optimistic. On the plus side of things, you've managed to craft a decent original region. On the negative side of that, you don't really go as much into it as you can. Another plus is that the scene descriptions, while sometimes minimalist, do everything they're supposed to do. You have a very good idea of where the sweetspot is on those, and when to go into further detail. You definitely have a solid foundation going on. And if your intent was to make this feel like a gag anime, you hit the mark perfectly.

However, there's lots of things to bring up here. There's a tendency to rush a lot in different ways. The plot was rushing a lot at first, and though it's since been reigned in...it feels as though the writing/scenes themselves are in a rush, if that makes any sense. Next and more notably, there's also a tendency for shit to just hit the fan at random. There's nothing necessarily wrong with this, and it can even be used to great effect. But when it happens so often, it starts to become grating. You just become jaded to any shock, and even start facepalming about it. Furthermore, there seems to be a lack of tension at times. From dramatic battles to even some of the panicky situations.

The characters are a mixed bag. It's nice to see a male coordinator, so that's a positive in itself. Jacob is a passable character. Russo, too, is quite solid. And though minimal, it's nice to see actual attention being given to Pokemon characters. The other two main characters, however, are just tagalongs. Kyoko is just "smart guy" and Aries is just "girl". A bit unfortunate on the latter part, as she has a good hook and goal...but she hasn't been seen doing much of anything since her introductory chapters. And Kyoko's done even less. There's nothing wrong with supporting characters/tagalongs, but they're presented as main characters, and even calling them supporting is being generous, really...

Stating it a third time because jeez, Team Elements disappointed. They actually felt unique at first, but all that vanished in C17. Their admin being cordial/reasonable was an interesting twist, at least, rather than just attacking ruthlessly. Characters of the day/arc-specific characters are at least handled all right, but are simply "acceptable".

And the proofreading, or lack thereof. Like...I'm not usually one to get hung up over this stuff, but it's just brutal, to be honest. The formatting at times can also be screwy - particularly in battles, where you can get like a series of one or two-sentence paragraphs/lines with orders. It might be a very good idea to get someone to help you look over the fic on the technical end, if you have trouble with it.

My personal thoughts on this? Well, once you ignore the multitude of typos, this fic is not that bad, honestly. Nothing to rant and rave about, but still a nice little fic. Will I read more of this, having read it for judging purposes? Sure. For all the flaws that there objectively are with this fic, there's nothing here that I personally dislike. So will continue to be a reader and check into the next updates. Um, whenever you get around to them. @_@

 

[Jaypom]

All right. A monster reporting in here, but not a machine - read this over the course of a day several weeks back during awards in spite of physical discomfort. One comment unrelated to this - while I like the concept of it, it might be best to put the Pokemon info into a spoiler box...since it contains spoilers and such.

Spoiler: Just to condense

Chapter-by-chapter stuff first. If this drags/gets more incoherent towards the end...well. Again, read this over the course of the day, which wasn't really a good idea. Also, I wonder if this will actually break any character limits? Guess I'll find out when trying to post it!

Spoiler: C1

- Very neat intro, mirroring the original games.
- I feel it's a bit weird to be comparing it to the size of a Wii.
- Man. Dex. Is. Annoying. I. Sure. Hope. It. Doesn't. Keep. Up. Which it didn't, thankfully, but might be something to edit.
- From the mother's urging, I think this is the first journey fic (I've read) where the parent is urging the kid to go. Although this contradicts later on.
- Form the mother's hugging...yes. This is definitely anime.
- Would it even make sense for her to be holding a frying...flying pan?! When she previously hugged him.
- Super weird breaking between scenes.
- He tumbled down in multiple cartwheels? For some reason, I can't help but think of this.
- It's a little weird where you mention their height differentials, to the point of where it's almost a passing thing.
- She punched a tree and sent it flying? Yes...this is indeed anime. But how would it nearly crush the girl if it went by the boys?
- This is super awkward!! What the hell, man?! The large woman enters and calls her 'young lady', like some big burly redneck, and then...what...what?! And from the later age guessing...well. I would guessed Hilda was twice her age and Villa half hers.
- So I guess we have a rival?!

Is your body ready for this? There's so many technical problems I probably missed a few here and there.

- There's occasionally places where there's a lack of a double space between lines.
- Various inconsistency with quotation marks and punctuation, way too much to list.
- A Woman called from downstairs. <- Needless capitalization
- I don’t need any tips from you dex. Later! <- Lack of capitalization
- He grabbed his red jackets <- Plural when it shouldn't be
- this time by his Pokemon <- Missed an accented e/inconsistent. Given later chapters where you don't use it, might be best to just remove the accented Es from this one.
- pointed towards the kitchen table with a flying pan <- Flying pan?!
- Jacob’s mom ambushed hugged him <- Typo
- It’s so hot, You’d think a sunny day was used <- Typo. A sunny day?! I'm guessing you're supposed to be referring to the move.
- The roof has begun turning a muddy red and the windows had begun to haze up. <- Using has/had in the same sentence?
- Aipom is referred to as an 'it' at first, and then a 'he'.
- Jacob walked back and feel onto his knees <- Typo
- Aipom what’d you do that for? <- Zero punctuation
- Pokémon league <- Usually, League is capitalized, because it's the name of an organization.
- Jacob put his hands behind his head and walked away, “I’m busy” <- No period anywhere here.
- “Wow….” He said amazed. <- An extra period after elipsis, and no comma between said and amazed.
- There's actually quite a few extra periods here and there beyond this, but I won't mention them all.
- his blue and white Jacket <- Jacket is randomly capitalized
- She had long blond hair <- "blonde" is the term used when you're referring to a female, "blond" is for males.
- Aipom nodded it’s head <- It's/its mixup. It's is "it is", its is possessive.
- The girl stood up and scoffed, “They took that cute Aipom from me!” she said in a pouting tone. <- You're kind of using two verbs to describe she talked here
- And this is my Aipom….” He said, <- He is unnecessarily capitalized
- Russo asks, talking to the large woman, what her name is. But the small girl answers.
- She tossed the Pokeball <- Inconsistent use of accented Es.
- Jacob pulled out his Pokedex <- See above. There's more of these, but I'll stop mentioning them from here.
- formed a cat like Pokémon <- cat like, should be hyphenated
- Jacob pulled out his Pokedex and scanned it. Dex beeped and scanned it, <- Kind of poorly written, I feel.
- Villa laughed wickedly, “Glameow use shadow ball!” <- Shadow Ball not capitalized, no comma between Glameow and use
- and smashed into the Shadow ball <- Shadow Ball only partially capitalized?!
- “Thank you too Beldum” <- No comma between too and Beldum.

Well, leaving aside by far the most technical error riddled fic I've seen, this...um. I'm not sure how to feel about this having read only this so far. It falls into the journey fic pitfall of starting way too early. Then we're thrust into a literally random battle against a "random" person. The fic is already all over the place. But, it's only the first chapter. And though almost forced, it does feel like a comedy anime, so you've accomplished that much.

Spoiler: C2

- Odd to see a character who's not only never seen a Joy before, but does a Brock-esque love at first sight gag. The description of her is pretty good in that regard.
- We have chips, candy, soda… pretty much any food you need <- That's just a bunch of junk! Where's the healthy stuff?
- Sweat marks? Anime.
- VENDING MACHINES VANDALIZED! Machines dest-wait, you just hit it and the candy drops?
- Pulling the sword from the stone? Your metaphors are bizarre at times, but I mean that in a good way.
- Cincinno as a doctor's Pokemon? Unique.
- How did Russo end up behind Jacob? Front desks usually don't allow for that...
- Clearly, the girl can't be running that fast, else she'd hit the sliding doors before they slide open!
- Okay. I did laugh at "she stole him" and then Russo freaking out a bit too late.
- Well, things went to crap pretty fast, didn't they?
- Anime. EVERYTHING EXPLODES.
- Decent enough battle, I suppose, but all the technical stuff distracted me.
- And Nurse Joy says nothing about Jacob just abandoning his post? Okay, forcibly, but still!

And typos/technical stuff.

- Again, various recurring issues with ellipsis/periods, commas in lack of places, and so on.
- The Sun <- Needless capitalization
- As he entered, He was whisked away <- As above
- There were two couple <- Typo
- two candy bars feel out <- Typo
- “You’re really weird….” He said, <- He is needlessly capitalized
- smothered in Milk Chocolate <- Needless capitalization, so much so I'm abbrieviating it NeeCap from now on.
- He opened his eyes and nearly cried, “THIS IS SO AMAZING!” he cried out, <- Kind of screwy, using 'cried' twice.
- Dex flicked on and beep twice <- Should be beeped.
- Cinccino, The scarf Pokemon. <- NeeCap on Scarf, NoCap on the
- All Nurse Joy’s in the Accelia region <- Typo, should be Nurse Joys (non-possessive)
- You aren’t trained in the field of Medicine… much less Pokemon medicine… <- One of those medicines shouldn't be capitialized. Or the other should be.
- acted as though he was sending and important message. <- Typo, an instead of and
- Aipom lifted his head as he lie on the floor <- Lay instead of lie? It's awkward either way, though.
- What’s with it’s face? <- It's/its mixup
- as though he were dead”. <- Needless quotation mark
- He squinted and noticed the shadow as actually a girl. <- Typo, was instead of as.
- “She left me in charge but she’s ba” <- May want to use a hyphen to indicate interruption
- but he manage to stop her <- Typo, should be managed
- I thought so I mean you look a little young <- Specifically pointing this one out, as this part could use a rewrite/more punctuation.
- He took our Dex and search for it. <- Searched instead of search, and out instead of our.
- teddy bear like Pokemon <- Hyphenate the like
- Should separate the two statements in the Pokedex entry with a period, not a comma.
- led him through a think bundle of bushes <- Typo, thick instead of think
- Aipom easily mad his way up <- Typo, mad instead of made
- “Teddi! Teddiursa!”. <- Too much punctuation, remove the period.
- “Let’s get you to a Pokemon center” <- NoCap on Center
- Dust surround Aries and Jacob <- Typo, surrounded instead of surround
- we need to get it to the Pokemon center!” Jacob called out <- NoCap on Center
- They bother huddled together and braced for impact. <- Typo...I'm not sure what you were going for here, but bother doesn't fit.
- Aries grabbed and Pokeball from her bag and though it <- Typo, a instead of and, as well as throw instead of though
- formed a yelled sheep like Pokemon <- Typo, yellow instead of yelled
- Her pokemon nodded and charged itself with Electricity. <- NoCap on Pokemon, NeeCap on electricity
- The whole battle scen at around this point becomes a string of single lines with mostly one statement each, which looks kinda ugly.
- enough to imobolize them <- Spelling error, immobilize instead of imobolize
- “Mareep use Cotton Spore and then tackle!” <- NoCap on Tackle
- The Sheep narrowed its eyes <- NeeCap on sheep
- It's a bit weird to say the other Ursaring "suddenly appeared" because it was always there, just wasn't doing anything until the other two were taken care of.
- “I got this this!” <- Two thises, gotta take one out.
- Aipom summersaulted <- Spelling error
- The Ursaring then put its hands to its head to keep it from going dizzy. <- Might want to go with "keep itself from going dizzy" here.
- Her voice was softer, and calmer than Jacob or Russo remember from when they first met. <- Tensing inconsistency, remembered instead of remember
- A bit late to be scanning the Pokemon here, I feel.
- “How were you sisters?” <- Typo, your instead of you

I...um. I usually do typos, but I just give up hereafter. There's just way too many of them! I'll keep up every now and then for comparison's sake, and point out any illogical design stuff in the meantime (and can help more if you really really need it), but for the timetable's sake, gotta keep pressing on.

This one was all right. A bit random again, but it served its purpose of giving some characterization set up right away.

Spoiler: C3

- The whole intro to this scene is confusing because they just came from a Pokemon Center, and with nothing to indicate they've left they're right back at another one.
- Aries. Tsun.
- Real smooth, Jacob. Real smooth.
- Huh. Thought it was just Anime that caused them to stop in their tracks and stare, but you just went and implied it may be mind control?!
- Aries lies down on a bed and goes to doze off, and then is somehow able to examine her figure in a mirror.
- Magical TVs that turn on by themselves...
- And the explanation as to why there was mind control going on! Fancy stuff, and dang. Jacob super stoic...even though he was smitten with a Joy briefly.
- Dayum, Jacob firing shots too!
- Olivielle insulting Aipom for dodging an attack that is undodgable?

...doing it anyway here because you had a big break in between this and the last one - January vs. June

- ran off towards the Pokemon center <- NoCap Center. You make this one a lot actually.
- Once they reached the center <- It's especially able to turn you around here, since it can also mean middle.
- Aries’ face turned hot read <- Typo, red instead of read.
- “The thing… It touched me!” <- Might be better to go with 'that thing' here.
- There's a needless/accidental line break around this part.
- “Are you okay Aipom” <- Needs a comma, needs a question mark.
- Jacob lowered her gaze <- B-But Jacob is a boy...
- “Hey, What are you doing? <- NeeCap on what.
- Jacob shook he head no. <- Typo, his instead of he
- stopped by the sound of the tv turning on. <- TV needs capitalization
- with her Pokemon.“And as you all can see, this young and talented beauty is definitely a force to be wreckened with! <- No space between the sentence, and typo - reckoned instead of wreckened.
- Aries shouted after and him <- I think you missed putting 'ran' in between 'and' and 'him'.

Okay, yeah. Just first two scenes and all that. There's plenty of more beyond that, but I don't want to be stopping every 10-20 seconds to mention that there's a typo somewhere. So again, only mentioning things that stick out. So this chapter was more focused and shorter than the others, and served a purpose of introducing another rival into the cast. Much less randomly than the other, too. Olivielle is certainly a haughty jerk, although not excessively so - neat how she kind of settled down after learning Jacob is a coordinator too. Kind of.

Spoiler: C4

- The Pokemon's name is Pelipper, not Pelliper
- The narration intro helps a bit with scene setting.
- And suddenly, randomness!! But it's fine, since Anime and there's this random boy around to help cool Jacob's face off!
- Aipom shouted in accompaniment. <- Spelling mistake
- Wait, do actual emeralds line Izzy's shirt?! Ridiculously expensive clothing if so. It also might be best to describe all at once, rather than mentioning the emeralds here and describing the shirt/her clothing itself several lines down.
- The warning of the Pelipper? What the?!
- Izzy the narc. Some friend she is.
- The words of encouragement scene is so anime. "If you believe, you can do anything!"
- And then the whole down gets in on a gang beatdown on the Pelliper, rather than just Kyoko. Oh well, it probably deserves it anyway.
- Man, battles being long strings of singular lines really throws me off.
- Payback OHKOs a Riolu? Must be one tough Pelipper. And naturally, the total rookie is able to beat it, because that's how Anime works.
- Poor Izzy. The childhood friend being ditched for the new girl. Still, this has got to be...okay. Far from the most insane reason to go on a journey ever, but still pretty silly. Albeit in an IC sense

A short battle. Eh. Nothing to say, here.

Spoiler: C5

- tfw active volcanoes are an attraction.
- "Thank you, come again!"
- Do like the description of the leader's voice.
- Wow. Talk about Great Moments for a Heel Turn. That gym leader went from polite and gentlemanly to a right prick in no time flat.
- Might've been better to compress the bit about potentially borrowing Pokemon all into one scene, instead of it being brought up twice across two different ones.
- Sheesh. Pokemon seem to have an affinity for randomly attacking trainers, huh?
- And Gym Leader is still a heel. An even bigger one too, for insulting a Pokemon.
- You describe the woman's clothing twice, first at the end of the scene at the Gym with Totodile, and then very shortly into the scene after - with expanded details. Might be best to cut out the first one.
- tfw active volcanoes can close because of water damage.
- Well, Solarus is absolutely boned. One of Russo's Pokemon has a chance at justice, and the whole world's going to be watching.
- As minimalist as it is, you sure can set a scene. Very sick gym design.
- It's ironic Solarus calls himself one, because as we've found out, he's no gentlemen.

All right, we're finally finding a bit of pace! Not a lot to say here. New Pokemon, setup for the next chapter, etc.

Spoiler: C6

- Felt there could've been a bit more banter between leader and challenger, although the observer commentary was good.
- Shouldn't Flash Fire have cancelled out any pain Ember would've caused, or something?
- Flame Charge's description is notably screwy. The fire attached to it's body, has a typo and makes no sense.
- Well...that indeed worked. Huh. Clutch. A String Shot might've been a bit more logical, that said, but this fits the mood I suppose.
- Was hoping that callout on not being a gentleman would be made, heh.
- Like how Russo has a catchphrase in battle. Nice little touch that adds to character.
- When the shirt comes off, EVERYBODY DIES.
- Talk about an excitable news reporter, sheesh.
- Nice, seems infrequent that you see an ability coming to play into an active capacity in a fanfic.
- Seems that battle took a while, and/or started late in the day. Huh. Okay then. And I guess as one party ends, another one begins.

This was a good battle on paper. However, I felt it could've been even greater if you milked the tension properly. Like before Magmar uses Thunderbolt, you could've built that up a bit by having Solarus get all ominous and stuff, have Russo wonder what's about to happen, and then kinda freak when that goes down.

Spoiler: C7

- Strong reaction from Aries towards the Power Plant. Wonder what's up? Well, it's kinda obvious when it comes to these sorts of things the general idea, but I wonder specifically what's up?
- And everything hits the fan, randomly, again.
- So now we have our Evil Team(tm), Team Element. Actually, on paper, seems creative so far. Instead of a traditional caste of grunts, admins, and leaders, it seems it's an elite group of various type specialist. Nice stuff.
- The remark towards overscanning was funny, but it doesn't change the fact that Jacob is overscanning a bit too much. Even if they are short, those tiny diversions every time something new pops out does get to be a bit grating after a while. It's almost an obsessive need for him...which could be interesting in its own right, if it were written that way. Furthermore, the issue of Dex getting annoyed just gets dropped shortly after this.
- Confusion and hair drying must take ages if it's expected they've worn off or haven't happened one day after...I'm guessing "the next day" part wasn't meant to be there? It's confusing.

A shorter one, it felt like. Just a small intro to the Evil Team(tm), although I felt it could've been larger - like giving Solarus a bit of screentime.

Spoiler: C8

- Interesting, giving an actual reason for why a walking Pokemon is a walking Pokemon, besides "it doesn't like balls lel". Although I do want to know how they eventually escaped the cave!
- And refusal to learn a move just because it'll cause it to evolve and make it have to stay in the ball? Priceless.
- OH MY GOD A TALKING POKEMON.
- Kirlia is quite cordial...
- So wait. Aries previously went to grab a doctor before several chapters back, but in this one, it's revealed she has some experience of her own? Well, I suppose it is explainable, but still.
- Helpin' Pokemon! Was going to bring up why they don't just use Pecha Berries, and well, this explains it.
- Remember, all you have to do is ask. And if you don't ask, just beg a lot and it'll eventually work.
- And finishing them with style!
- I wonder if Jacob will actually keep that promise, or if he'll pull a Primeape on it?

All right, let's do TYPOS and STUFF this chapter.

- Besides the usual, also noted you occasional use plurals of Pokemon names inconsistently, notably with the Patrats in this chapter - you use both that and Patrat as singular.
- why Aipom hates it’s Pokeball <- it's/its mixup
- Jacob looked over surprised as <- Should be a comma between over and surprised
- We’ve been working on its fear since when it evolves, Aipom wouldn’t be able to fit on my shoulder <- won't instead of wouldn't, and it'd be an Ambipom then, not an Aipom. Maybe fix up the first sentence, since it feels a bit clunky.
- So… does Aipom know double hit?” <- NoCap on Double Hit
- Two small, green and white Pokeball walked out cautiously. <- Typo, Pokemon instead of Pokeball.
- began feeding info of the taller on. <- Typo, one instead of on.
- You seem to like the phrase "clicked on and began feeding info" a lot. Really noticable here with two Pokedex descriptions side-by-side. A little variance doesn't hurt!
- Kirlia stand on the tips of their toes to prevent loosing balance. <- Typo, losing instead of loosing.
- The sentence describing Telepathy is a bit weird - Kyoko talks about a plus side, when there is no real negative side.
- “Ral… Ral….” He said to her <- NeeCap on he
- They both cringed in pain and unconscious <- Typo of some sort. Cringing in unconscious doesn't make a lot of sense...
- poisoned by a sludge bomb! <- NoCap on Sludge Bomb
- The way you open the scene in the grove is kind of abrupt, and not really fitting for opening a scene.
- “Its… clear?” Its/it's mixup.
- “That’s quite a sludge bomb!” <- NoCap on Sludge Bomb
- Again, an abrupt scene opener, as well as an abrupt ending to the previous one. Might be best if they're one long scene - i.e. write Jacob fleeing to the tree.
- he shouted excitedly, almost loosing balance on the tree. <- Typo, losing instead of loosing.
- can you use confusion <- NoCap on Confusion.
- “Aipa!” is squeaked out <- Typo, it instead of is.
- Ralts walked out the bushes <- Typo, walked out of the bushes
- shot multiple sludge bombs that rained down on Ralts. <- NoCap, Sludge Bomb
- “Great way of using confusion!” <- NoCap...
- noticed the Second Ariados <- NeeCap, second
- You say that Jacob "replied" to the Patrats, but he isn't really replying to anything...

Chapter length seems to vary greatly, eesh. But the pacing/transition issues aside, this was a cute little chapter and apprecitable way of getting a new Pokemon. Different to have a chapter with only Jacob around for the most part. Made it somewhat more focused.

Spoiler: C9

- No intro this time?
- Aries threatening people with a fork? Who does she think she is?
- So we got Anime Contests here. Well, this is anime, after all!
- Did...did Russo not notice his food had been stepped in? I'm guessing it happened after the Grand Festival thing, but it's funnier to imagine if it happened before.

Don't have much to say here.

Spoiler: C10

- Is the title a reference to Knights in the Nightmare?
- Still no intro.
- Raindrops falling to their death? What an insane description. 10/10
- Raindrops the size of Aipom's head?!?!!! What an insane weather phenomenon.
- It'd be funny if the door had to be pulled, not pushed. And why was Aries freaking out over trying knocking - you know, to alert the people inside?
- This scene kind of ends in a weird way, with Kyoko handling a book in a creepy way.
- And speaking of creepy!! Also, wow. The tub filled that fast. But...was totally expecting Aries to walk in on him or something.
- Wait, was he bathing in his underwear? Why would he have it on when they come in?
- “Russo? You’re okay man!” <- Feels a bit out of character for Aries to be saying this.
- So Aries (and Kyoko) doesn't question at all the big knight just waltzing through the abandoned building, but as soon as she sees the eye of terror she freaks out just like everyone else?
- So the most useless character of the group gets to do something! ...except not. Failure to catch a wild? Neat. Although it looks like it's not over, yet.

Setup chapter? I'm guessing as such, since the Duskull appears to be following. Otherwise, just plain filler.

Spoiler: C11

- Run Amuk.
- The comparisons as to where they keep Poke Balls is one of those things that could be better off as one paragraph, as an example.
- Er, "pleasure to finally speak with you"? But they spoke before, several chapters ago. Also, why would Jacob be so surprised, seeing as how he knows the Professor knows Russo?
- And an obligatory disaster - power outage!
- Haha, it was literally washed away. Pretty good stuff.

Well, this was filler in the truest sense of the term. Not much to say here. Just try to avoid these if you can, or at least have something like development happen in these ones.

Spoiler: C12

- ID bit was a bit awkward.
- Almost forgot the psycho existed, and if it weren't for the fact that I was marathoning this over the course of a day, probably would've altogether. And she's suddenly cordial?
- Heh, the Magikarp guy bits were pretty amusing.
- And Olivielle is suddenly very nice?!

Not much to say here. The appeals were nice, as were the visuals and description. If there's one thing no one can take away from you, it's your ability to paint a good descriptive picture.

Spoiler: C13

- And Aries with the random hug?!
- Talk about serious mood swings. Olivielle may be even crazier than Villa.
- More abilities coming into play
- Jacob may have become serious, but it seems a random shift - he goes from stammering and uncertain to focused as if a switch has been flipped.
- One battle has already taken placed between Jacob and Jocelyn with Jacob emerging victorious to move on to the semi-finals. <- Pretty serious one, Jacob beats this person off-screen in the semi-finals, to advance to the semi-finals. Should be advancing to the finals!!
- Oh baby, catfight!!
- Guess Rose is quite shocked at what its trainer had it do...
- "Bitch" in a fic rated E for Everyone. :^)
- It seems a bit random to be bringing up Jacob's family at a time like this, let alone the inhaler.
- Did you just copy/paste Roselia's pose from before?
- And BOOM! Turn it right around, baby! Sunny Day counter, bullseye.
- Did...did she seriously say 'cya' out loud?
- And more Aries hugs!! :3

A nice little chapter. Imagery still good.

Spoiler: C14

- Pokemon playing soccer?
- The infodump on the PokeWars was interesting, although still a bit of an infodump.
- Talk about playing hardball, eesh.
- How did the Salamence manage to track them? One persistent monster.
- lolfairytypeimmunity
- ball of Orange, Indigo, and Purple fire <- This phrase, with this exact needless capitalization, is repeated four times in this chapter?!
- And that just happened. Swell. It'll be interesting to see where it goes, though.

Capture chapter. A bizarre one as well. Lots of potential in a relatively new coordinator capturing a monster like this one. Definitely will be interesting to see where this one goes.

Spoiler: C15

- Wait, what the hell? It's noon, and then suddenly enough time passes for it to be night?! And nobody goes to look for him?! Okay, I guess it could be fine if it was like, winter. But it doesn't seem to be.
- Some characterization for Kyoko, I guess.
- Kyoko says it's lucky that he forgot to charge his phone? Um, what?
- RussOWNED by eating food off the ground, heh.
- You know, it occurs to me. You wrote in Russo as kind of slender...but it'd be more fitting if he was kind of pudgy, given his eating habits.

Eh. Dunno what to say here.

Spoiler: C16

- Odd bit of diversion to randomly show the scene on the TV, but I suppose that is better than "she obtained it off-camera"
- Whoa! So mad, so touchy, Russo.
- If Magmar is one of Russo's favorites, it might've resonated better if, back when fighting Solarus, he showed recognition of it as a species. Show some consistency. And such.
- Might want to call it a scar on the arm, since it'd have mostly healed by now and no longer qualify as a gash.
- Trippy but interesting recovery machine, makes sense for something with no blood though.
- Not much to say about the battle. It was all right, and the hype up beforehand was nice.
- Still anime. Sending a Metagross blasting off. Where do they go when that happens to them, anywa-oh. Splat.
- And yeah, was wondering if Beldum/Metang would realize that one day, it would become what it hates. Good awareness.

Sort of a different chapter, focused on a Pokemon for once. The flashbacks were nice. Again, I was marathoning this and am dying right now, so sorry if these ones towards the end are brief.

Spoiler: C17

- Ugh, pebbles in your shoe are the worst
- "A-anything for you, Aries-chan..."
- So much for Elements' fancy rainbow suits and unique hierarchy. Now they're just a bunch of twits who want Arceus.
- Wait, isn't Aipom claustrophobic? Why is it suddenly a tunnel spelunker?
- I like how the Element leader guy is a bit cordial at first, not just attacking back without mercy just because they were attacked first.
- Kyoko wasn't even there for the Kimpier Gym incident. And he seems to live in a village that probably wouldn't hear of these sorts of things.
- More heavy profanity in a fic rated E for Everyone!! :^)
- I guess Sandstorm is Whirlwind now.
- 128MB?! Accelia has pretty poor hard drive capacity, dang.

Typos, one last time for posterity.
- The cave as <- has instead of as
- A set group of individuals <- Kind of clunky
- Obviously break the walls open people,” <- should be a comma between obviously and break. Clunky statement too.
- that Entrance is too far away for them to find us. <- NeeCap on entrance.
- gets involved.” He replied smugly <- quotation should end in a comma, NeeCap on he
- the best source of- “he <- Wrong sided quotation,and it should be a space over
- Aipom hopped of its rock <- Typo, 'off' instead of 'of'
- “You’re Pokemon is crazy Jacob, <- Typo, your instead of you're
- some wierdo crawlspace <- Weirdo, not wierdo. Because I before E except after C (and AYE like in neighing and weigh) is a filthy falsehood with tons of other exceptions.
- He stood up and took of his backpack <- Off, not of
- “She’s right Jacob, no reason to go on your own just because Aipom is curious. <- No end quotation mark
- Aipom burrowed into a torchlight?
- Aries turned and looked off into the dim, torchlight. <- Needless comma
- No matter that, <- Clunky and/or typo.
- The Zubat Grunt nodded <- NeeCap on grunt
- “Hippowdon, The Heavyweight Pokemon <- NeeCap on the
- “Give. Me. Back. My. Data.” He demanded and he tightened his grip. <- NeeCap on he, and it'd be better if it was 'he demanded, tightening his grip' or something
- Not sure what you mean by Jacob cut open his nails.
- Slyveon raised its ribbon feelers <- Typo, Sylveon instead of Slyveon
- The sentence where Hippowdon blasts them out is a bit clunky; going "...that sent Jacob and the others flying" instead of "...and sent" might make it work better.
- so it evens out.” She concluded. <- NeeCap on she
- He tries to figure out how he might read the information but, instead, shoved it into his backpack. <- Tensing error, tried instead of tries

And the last one for now. Follow-up introduction of the villains. Was a bit disappointed by Elements turning out to be just like any other evil team, just to make that perfectly clear.

-----

So this is a fic that feels has just a bit more good than bad, but that's possibly being optimistic. On the plus side of things, you've managed to craft a decent original region. On the negative side of that, you don't really go as much into it as you can. Another plus is that the scene descriptions, while sometimes minimalist, do everything they're supposed to do. You have a very good idea of where the sweetspot is on those, and when to go into further detail. You definitely have a solid foundation going on. And if your intent was to make this feel like a gag anime, you hit the mark perfectly.

However, there's lots of things to bring up here. There's a tendency to rush a lot in different ways. The plot was rushing a lot at first, and though it's since been reigned in...it feels as though the writing/scenes themselves are in a rush, if that makes any sense. Next and more notably, there's also a tendency for shit to just hit the fan at random. There's nothing necessarily wrong with this, and it can even be used to great effect. But when it happens so often, it starts to become grating. You just become jaded to any shock, and even start facepalming about it. Furthermore, there seems to be a lack of tension at times. From dramatic battles to even some of the panicky situations.

The characters are a mixed bag. It's nice to see a male coordinator, so that's a positive in itself. Jacob is a passable character. Russo, too, is quite solid. And though minimal, it's nice to see actual attention being given to Pokemon characters. The other two main characters, however, are just tagalongs. Kyoko is just "smart guy" and Aries is just "girl". A bit unfortunate on the latter part, as she has a good hook and goal...but she hasn't been seen doing much of anything since her introductory chapters. And Kyoko's done even less. There's nothing wrong with supporting characters/tagalongs, but they're presented as main characters, and even calling them supporting is being generous, really...

Stating it a third time because jeez, Team Elements disappointed. They actually felt unique at first, but all that vanished in C17. Their admin being cordial/reasonable was an interesting twist, at least, rather than just attacking ruthlessly. Characters of the day/arc-specific characters are at least handled all right, but are simply "acceptable".

And the proofreading, or lack thereof. Like...I'm not usually one to get hung up over this stuff, but it's just brutal, to be honest. The formatting at times can also be screwy - particularly in battles, where you can get like a series of one or two-sentence paragraphs/lines with orders. It might be a very good idea to get someone to help you look over the fic on the technical end, if you have trouble with it.

My personal thoughts on this? Well, once you ignore the multitude of typos, this fic is not that bad, honestly. Nothing to rant and rave about, but still a nice little fic. Will I read more of this, having read it for judging purposes? Sure. For all the flaws that there objectively are with this fic, there's nothing here that I personally dislike. So will continue to be a reader and check into the next updates. Um, whenever you get around to them. @_@

Thank you so much for your critiques! Really, I have been waiting so long and I'm so glad you pointed out the flaws I guess I'm not so great when it comes to grammar but I'm glad you like the story! I'm already starting work on the chapters to edit them with your pointers. I usually only write this when I'm on break from school and I'm about to get off for a week so I was planning to release another chapter. I think the original rating used was Teen, but I changed it for some odd reason. I'll switch it back though. Thank you so much!
On the Team Element note, I wanted to make the grunts that were working for the admin act very much like the person in charge. Dierk was more ruthless when he showed his true colors unlike the admin in charge of the attack in Kimpier City. The grunts merely reflected their admins is what I was originally intending

EDIT: Just made some edits to Chapter 1 so it should be an improvement.

 

[Lugion]

Lugion here with Awards Review #2!

Plot- There is some stuff going on here, but it's really too early to comment on any sort of myth arc for the story. Each chapter is entirely episodic, and while that's not a bad thing, the story itself feels quite disjointed. It seems like there are missing scenes; in particular, the entire second round of the Iridale Pokémon Contest is brushed over in favor of getting to the finals. Several important plot points occur entirely randomly, and there's also a lack of any real effort (training, bonding with their Pokémon, etc.) put in by the characters, making their victories each chapter feel unearned. Perhaps by delving further into the details of each trainer's relationship with their Pokémon and showing them struggling and working together to improve, this issue could be solved.

Setting- Serviceable for the plot, but otherwise there's not a whole lot to go on. Really that's not entirely a bad thing, but the Accelia region does not stick out where it definitely could. How are the region and its people different from others? How are they similar? Do they have holidays? What is their history? That sort of thing really goes a long way in making your region pop.

Characterisation- The four principle characters feel distinct enough from each other, and I love the Jacob/Russo dynamic (especially the main character being a male coordinator), but some of the characters' personalities are inconsistent (for example, Aries goes from domineering and independent to very “token girl”). There's little development so far, but it still feels like the story is in its early stages, so that's not inexcusable per se. However, as I mentioned above, there's very little real time spent with each character working toward their goals, so their victories feel unearned. In particular, Russo and Metang's victory over the Metagross, and his and Totodile's victory over Solarus, and Jacob's victory in the Iridale Contest feel more like they happened because the plot demanded it than like they happened because the characters worked for them.

Style- The perspective of the storytelling is inconsistent, switching between third-person omniscient and third-person limited, and switching between limited POVs without warning. There's little detail in the environment, and Pokémon are oddly described as their real-world counterparts (such as a Glameow being described as “cat-like” or a Hippowdon being described as “hippopotamus-like”), and while this is really a personal nitpick, this breaks my immersion in the story (unless the world of the story considers, say, Meowth to be a kind of cat; I've seen this done pretty well so it's not entirely a bad thing). So we have too little description where it's really needed and too much where it isn't needed (we all know what a Glameow looks like here; remember: know your audience). Tense is also inconsistent, switching between past-tense and present-tense at random. The dialogue feels unnatural and often unnecessarily wordy, and this also breaks immersion in the story and contributes detrimentally to the characterisation. The dialogue can definitely be improved by thinking about all the different ways a character could say something, and deciding how that particular character WOULD say it. For example, Russo would probably be less likely to speak as eloquently as Kyoko, and would instead use simpler sentences; Jacob being wordy makes sense for his character since he's got this sort of flashy character he portrays in public.

Technical- The story is riddled with incorrect word usage and misspellings, as well as dropped commas and quotation marks, and incorrect capitalisation and punctuation. Personally, I feel this is the least important part of the story and so I weighted it less in my overall score of the story, but there IS a lot you could probably catch by re-reading what you've written prior to posting it, or perhaps finding yourself a beta-reader/editor.

To sum it all up, there IS some interesting stuff going on here, but a lot of it really gets glossed over in favor of "awesome moments". If you slowed down and spent more time with your characters and their Pokémon, rather than focusing on the "wow factor", and indeed took your time writing and rewriting and editing, you could have a serious contender on your hands. (Also I totally ship Jacob and Russo.)

 

[Jaypom]

Lugion here with Awards Review #2!

Plot- There is some stuff going on here, but it's really too early to comment on any sort of myth arc for the story. Each chapter is entirely episodic, and while that's not a bad thing, the story itself feels quite disjointed. It seems like there are missing scenes; in particular, the entire second round of the Iridale Pokémon Contest is brushed over in favor of getting to the finals. Several important plot points occur entirely randomly, and there's also a lack of any real effort (training, bonding with their Pokémon, etc.) put in by the characters, making their victories each chapter feel unearned. Perhaps by delving further into the details of each trainer's relationship with their Pokémon and showing them struggling and working together to improve, this issue could be solved.

Setting- Serviceable for the plot, but otherwise there's not a whole lot to go on. Really that's not entirely a bad thing, but the Accelia region does not stick out where it definitely could. How are the region and its people different from others? How are they similar? Do they have holidays? What is their history? That sort of thing really goes a long way in making your region pop.

Characterisation- The four principle characters feel distinct enough from each other, and I love the Jacob/Russo dynamic (especially the main character being a male coordinator), but some of the characters' personalities are inconsistent (for example, Aries goes from domineering and independent to very “token girl”). There's little development so far, but it still feels like the story is in its early stages, so that's not inexcusable per se. However, as I mentioned above, there's very little real time spent with each character working toward their goals, so their victories feel unearned. In particular, Russo and Metang's victory over the Metagross, and his and Totodile's victory over Solarus, and Jacob's victory in the Iridale Contest feel more like they happened because the plot demanded it than like they happened because the characters worked for them.

Style- The perspective of the storytelling is inconsistent, switching between third-person omniscient and third-person limited, and switching between limited POVs without warning. There's little detail in the environment, and Pokémon are oddly described as their real-world counterparts (such as a Glameow being described as “cat-like” or a Hippowdon being described as “hippopotamus-like”), and while this is really a personal nitpick, this breaks my immersion in the story (unless the world of the story considers, say, Meowth to be a kind of cat; I've seen this done pretty well so it's not entirely a bad thing). So we have too little description where it's really needed and too much where it isn't needed (we all know what a Glameow looks like here; remember: know your audience). Tense is also inconsistent, switching between past-tense and present-tense at random. The dialogue feels unnatural and often unnecessarily wordy, and this also breaks immersion in the story and contributes detrimentally to the characterisation. The dialogue can definitely be improved by thinking about all the different ways a character could say something, and deciding how that particular character WOULD say it. For example, Russo would probably be less likely to speak as eloquently as Kyoko, and would instead use simpler sentences; Jacob being wordy makes sense for his character since he's got this sort of flashy character he portrays in public.

Technical- The story is riddled with incorrect word usage and misspellings, as well as dropped commas and quotation marks, and incorrect capitalization and punctuation. Personally, I feel this is the least important part of the story and so I weighted it less in my overall score of the story, but there IS a lot you could probably catch by re-reading what you've written prior to posting it, or perhaps finding yourself a beta-reader/editor.

To sum it all up, there IS some interesting stuff going on here, but a lot of it really gets glossed over in favor of "awesome moments". If you slowed down and spent more time with your characters and their Pokémon, rather than focusing on the "wow factor", and indeed took your time writing and rewriting and editing, you could have a serious contender on your hands. (Also I totally ship Jacob and Russo.)

I'm currently working on revisions based on you and System Error's reviews and I think the main issue is that I wasn't bothering to read my story upon release. I've looked back over and can see that things are very disjointed and I'm working on making the story flow more easily than it presently is. I won't be making new chapters until I've revised my currently released ones either I also noticed how I shoved aside Aries after her introduction and will work to make her a more notable character in the revised chapters. Glad I've found a shipper too Again, thank you for your review and I will work extra harder in my revisions to take into account all that I've received

Also, I just revised Chapter 2 and hope its improved from the original one. Some parts are new and I've fixed the errors System Error pointed out

 

[Jaypom]

I've rewritten Chapter 3. It's a tiny bit longer and cleaned up more from the original version. Hope you guys enjoy
That Girl is Poison! Version 2

 

[Jaypom]

Chapter 18
Mareep is on the Lamb!​

“Seavaille Town. Population 2000,” Kyoko read aloud as he analyzed a welcome sign to the group’s newest destination.

The four trainers had finally arrived in Seavaille Town for Jacob’s next Pokemon Contest! With a week ahead of him, Jacob will be able to prepare without the worry of making it to the arena at the last minute to enter.

Kyoko, Jacob, and Aries looked down at the town from a steep hill while Russo was a little back behind the group peeing on a tree.

Russo finished and zipped up his zipper and turned back to the others. “We’re here already? That wasn’t much of a walk,” he stated and yawned. He felt somewhat tired even though it was the middle of the afternoon.

Jacob led the group down from the hilltop, “Let’s get a room at the Pokemon Center and set up for training!” he shouted excitedly and darted for the town’s Pokemon Center with Aipom hanging on to Jacob’s shoulder for dear life.

Aries, Kyoko, and Russo all followed behind him at a slower pace.

Kyoko took out his town map and looked up the route to Breezeville City. “It says that it’s a five day walk to Breezeville City from Seavaille Town, so I’d estimate a two week wait time for your gym battle, Russo,” Kyoko informed.

Russo nodded, “I figured. We’ll let Jacob do his thing and then I’ll do mine. I need to think up a strategy before heading in for a battle.”

“What kind of gym is it?” Aries asked.

“Breezeville City is home to the largest airport in all of Accelia! In homage to the city’s love of the air, the leader is a strong Flying-type user. I hear she can beat trainers with just her Staravia.” Kyoko replied excitedly, wishing he could see her in action.

Russo smirked, more interested in taking down the gym leader and prove he was stronger.

Before they knew it, Aries, Kyoko, and Russo had arrived at the center where Jacob had already set up shop on the practice battlefield. The group had tossed their backpacks into a corner and began going about their activities.

Jacob had picked up a large stick to draw on the dirt. He was kneeling in front of Ralts and Aipom to discuss a method for performance.

Russo, Aries, and Kyoko took a seat in the shade of a large awning on a porch in the back of the Pokemon Center.

The porch consisted of rounded tables with extensions for laptops, a BBQ grill for outdoor themed meals, and a video call phone to contact the front desk of the Pokemon Center.

Russo leaned back in his chair and began napping while Aries and Kyoko decided to set up the grill and make hamburgers.

Aries looked over and saw Jacob pick up Ralts and toss it into the air, which he then commanded to use multiple moves. The attempt failed and sent out a small explosion that knocked Jacob and his Pokemon onto the dirt.

“NEW PLAN!” Jacob shouted confidently, and returned to his study.

Kyoko walked back over to his bag and took out his Pokeballs, “I’m going to let my Pokemon have a bit of fresh air before the meal,” he informed and released Wingull and Farfetch’d from their slumber.

Farfetch’d and Wingull looked at each other and smiled. They turned around and flew off to stretch their wings.

“You two stay close!” Kyoko ordered kindly, and returned to his task of preparing hamburgers.

A few moments of silence passed before Aries and Kyoko engaged in conversation.

Aries pulled a hairband off of her wrist and held it in her mouth to pull her hair back. “Kyoko? I was wondering. We saw you catch Farfetch’d, where did you catch your Wingull?”

Kyoko smiled to himself, “When I turned 15, the leader of our village gave us all Pokemon Eggs that hatched from her Swanna. My egg turned out to be the only Wingull out of the five eggs she gave out. How did you get your Mareep and Sylveon?”

Aries took the hairband from her mouth and tied her hair into a ponytail. “Well, I got my Mareep from an egg that my brother’s Pokemon produced when I turned 16. My Sylveon I got when my grandmother passed away just after that time. She had Sylveon with her since she was a young trainer and had it passed on to me in her will.”

Kyoko was stunned, “I am sorry to hear that she passed away.”

Aries made a weak smile, “It’s alright. Everyone has their time.” She turned around and grabbed her Pokeballs out of her bag, releasing Mareep and Sylveon onto the porch. “You two go have some fun till the food is ready,” she ordered as Kyoko had done.

Mareep and Sylveon ran off the deck and onto the battlefield to see what Jacob and his Pokemon were up to.

Kyoko thought to himself. He set down a tub of meat that he would use to roll out the patties for the hamburgers. “What is your goal, Aries?” he asked.

Aries looked back at him. She noticed he was taller than she originally thought, which was strange since she never actually paid attention to Kyoko. “I… I don’t have one. I’m honestly… just traveling…”

Kyoko could tell she was lying. “Aries, I have studied multiple textbooks in my spare time that contain information of people and also Pokemon. I am able to read people as though I were a psychologist and my analysis of you leads me to believe you are lying. Are you satisfied with a goal of just traveling?” he asked.

Aries grew a little angry with having been analyzed by Kyoko, as though she wasn’t a person with her own privacy. “Kyoko, I don’t have to tell you what I don’t want to. Please drop the sub-“

“HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!” a voice interrupted.

Aries and Kyoko looked down from the porch and saw a policewoman darting towards the battlefield.

The policewoman was wearing a typical outfit consisting of a bulletproof vest, a pair of black tights for pants, and black combat boots for shoes. She had faded, teal hair that frizzled down to her shoulders from under a circular, black cap. She possessed a utility belt that held three Pokeballs, a can of PokèMace, handcuffs, a small pistol, and what looked like a landing light that would be used for airplanes.

Russo looked up from his nap and yawned, not enjoying the commotion.

Jacob held an exhausted Ralts in his arms. “Wonder what she wants?” he mumbled to his Aipom, who was sitting on his shoulder.

Aries and Kyoko walked to the edge of the porch.

“Is there a problem, Officer?” Aries called out.

The Officer took out her badge and shouted towards Jacob, “Officer Jenny, SVTPD!”

“That’s a mouthful,” Russo mumbled as he trudged over and joined Aries and Kyoko.

Jacob stood up with Ralts in his arms, “We were just practicing for the contest. I didn’t think this was illegal, Officer Jenny?” Jacob replied to her, confused by the situation.

Sylveon and Mareep stood at Jacob’s feet and Aipom jumped onto the ground.

Officer Jenny took a Pokeball from her belt holster and held it out towards Jacob. “That Pokemon is under arrest for a string of robberies! As it’s trainer, I must inform you it has the right to remain silent but all of its further actions will be used against it in a court of law!” she informed in a furious shout. “Growlithe, subdue them!” Officer Jenny commanded and sent out one of the Pokeballs from her utility belt.

The Pokeball popped open to reveal a small, orange furred, Pokemon.

“Grr-ow!” it growled and barked at the trainers, with another low growl following the bark.

Jacob reached in his bag to try and take out his Pokedex but was met with Officer Jenny pulling her gun out and ordering Jacob to put his hands in the air. “I was just looking for my Pokedex!” he responded, terrified by the situation.

Aries tried to move forward but Russo cut her off, “What exactly did he do, Officer?” he shouted to her, hoping to get something more than the bland excuse of a robbery.

Officer Jenny clutched her pistol with her aim dead-set on Jacob. “The Seavaille Credit Federation was robbed by a trainer and a Mareep. We traced the trainer’s footsteps and found you along the pathway, therefore you must be the culprit!” she responded.

Jacob held his hands in the air, “But I didn’t rob any bank? We just got into town for the contest next week.” Jacob tried to explain.

Mareep became timid from all of the ruckus. “Mare…” it mumbled to itself, becoming fearful of the possible outcomes to the situation.

Aries could see Mareep getting worried. “Officer! That Mareep is mine!” she informed, and darted over to block her aim from Jacob and the Pokemon.

Kyoko and Russo ran to the field but were stopped once Jenny turned her aim towards them. They held their hands up to show their innocence.

“Halt! None of you move!” she ordered. She kept her gun raised with one hand a pulled out a walkie-talkie from the back of her utility belt with the other. “Come in, I need back-up. There are multiple suspects of the robbery located at the Pokemon Center. Over,” she transmitted.

Mareep slowly began creeping backwards, with Sylveon noticing by picking up Mareep’s motion with its ribbon feelers. Mareep then turned and darted from the scene, heading away from the Pokemon Center.

Aries heard the trotting and gasped, “Mareep, wait!” she called out and ran after it with her Sylveon.

Officer Jenny gasped and lowered her weapon, “Growlithe, use Fire Spin and block their path!” she ordered.

Growlithe jumped high into the air and released a spiral of hot, red flames down towards Aries.

Kyoko cocked his glasses, “Wingull, intercept with Water Gun!”

Wingull suddenly flew down from the clouds and fired off a spray of water from its mouth that met the Fire Spin before it could reach Aries. The collision resulted in a thick steam covering the field and allowing for Aries to escape unharmed.

As the steam cleared, more Officers had arrived on scene and had their weapons pointed at Jacob and the others.

Officer Jenny sighed, “One of them escaped. A girl, approximately 16 years of age, wearing a yellow tank top with ripped jean shorts and her maroon hair tied into a ponytail. We need some of you to track her down, ASAP!” she ordered and watched as two officers followed the path that Aries took. Officer Jenny then looked back towards Jacob and the others. “We need to talk,” she muttered through grit teeth.






On Aries Path…

“Mareep, please slow down!” Aries called to Mareep as she chased after it in a frenzy.

Mareep had escaped into downtown Seavaille Town and was darting in and out of alleyways. It finally ran out of steam and ducked behind a dumpster, poking its face back into its thick wool like it were a Squirtle.

Aries finally caught up to Mareep and was drenched in sweat. She wiped a thick stream of sweat from her forehead and sat down next to her cowering Mareep. She wrapped her arms around Mareep and held it in her arms, rubbing her hand along Mareep’s tail. “There, there. You’ll be alright. No need to be scared.”

Sylveon sat at the edge of the alleyway and kept guard. It had its ribbon feelers pressed against the ground to sense the motion of incoming people.

Mareep slowly poked its head from its wool and looked around, smiling when it saw Aries holding it.

Aries smiled back down at Mareep, “Why did you run? If you get scared, you have me. You know that don’t you?”

Mareep lowered its head, embarrassed by its overreaction.

Aries looked around, “Well we know that you and I didn’t rob any bank. I wonder if that robber is still around her somewhere…”

Sylveon turned back to Aries and Mareep, “Veon! Syl!” it shouted, warning them to back into a better hiding spot.

Aries nodded and carried Mareep to a small inlet behind the dumpster that would not be noticeable until passing it.

Sylveon quickly pranced over and tucked itself in with Aries and Mareep, continuing to sense movement with its feelers.





Back at the Seavaille Pokemon Center…

Officer Jenny held out a photo depicting a slim silhouetted figure with a Mareep darting out from a bank’s front doors. The picture had been taken by a security camera outside the main entrance and was somewhat blurred due to the movement of the escapees and was also discolored due to it being in black and white. “I believe this trainer and the Mareep are the ones that just left the scene. Why else would they run off upon confrontation?” she reported to her fellow officers and Jacob’s group.

“Mareep has a very timid nature,” Kyoko butted in.

The officers turned and looked over at Kyoko who stood smugly in his spot.

Kyoko cocked his glasses and walked in front of the officers. “After spending time with Aries and having picked up on the traits of her and her Pokemon, I’ve learned Mareep tends to rely on Aries and Sylveon for its protection and social fulfillment. It’s not good around strangers and took it awhile to warm up to Jacob, Russo, and I. You shouting and pointing a gun at it spooked it, along with accusing it of something it was not responsible for.”

Officer Jenny held out the photo towards Kyoko, “The photograph does not lie.”

Kyoko looked down at the photograph as Jacob and Russo walked over to look at it as well.

Jacob nodded, “It does look like Aries’ Mareep… and I suppose that the figure does have the same body type as her.”

Kyoko’s face grew red, “Impossible! The chest outlines are that of a man! There are no boo- I mean, there are no suggestions that the figure is female and I can assure you that if that was an outline of Aries, there would at least be somewhat of an outline of her breasts at that angle. Also, the Mareep, if you look closely, the wool covering towards its head is zig-zagged like a lightning bolt. Aries’ Mareep has a curled wool heading. I would conclude that you misidentified them.”

Officer Jenny pulled the photo back and squinted trying to see the detail that Kyoko pointed out. Her eyes widened and she felt her face grow red with embarrassment. “I can’t believe it! You’re right, I-I’m so sorry!” she apologized and turned to one of her officers. “If you find the girl, please be aware that she is not the robber. Do not arrest her! Inform the ones searching for her, ASAP,” she ordered.

The officer nodded and began sending out a radio transmission to the search teams.

Officer Jenny turned back to Kyoko and handed him the photograph. “Is there anything else you can discern from this, sir?” she asked, hoping to set things right.

Kyoko blushed, flattered by being called “sir”. He cleared his throat and began to analyze the photograph even further.





Back with Aries…

Aries peaked her head out from the inlet of the dumpster after she heard footsteps near her location, but they had stopped. She noticed two officers listening in on a radio call that informed them of her innocence. She watched as the officers nodded and left the alley to head back to the Pokemon Center for new orders. She sighed with relief and exited her cramped hiding spot, with Mareep still in her arms.

Sylveon looked up at Aries happily, excited to know that its trainer’s name was cleared.

Aries set Mareep back on the ground and looked in both directions to decided which way to go if she wanted to reunite with her friends. Her ears pricked up as she heard a low-pitched cackle from behind the opposite corner of the alleyway. She turned and crept towards the corner to see what the noise was and gasped.

Hiding in the shadows was a skinny man dressed up in a typical robbery outfit of a black and white striped shirt, a ski-mask covering his face, and black jeans. Sitting next to him was a Mareep with a zig-zagging wool covering on its head. “Look at all this cash, Mareep! I heard that some girl is apparently taking the blame! We’ll be set for years once we get out of this place!” he cheered in a screechy, puberty-esque voice.

The man’s Mareep nodded, letting out a small spark from its tail to signal its happiness.

Aries grasped. She turned and whispered to Sylveon and Mareep, “That man… he must be the robber. He has the Mareep and the whole robbery get-up. “We need to tell the police.” She turned back to look at the robber to try and get a good look for a facial description but noticed he was missing! “Where did he-“

“Who are you?” the robber interrupted, appearing behind Aries and blocking her exit.

Aries quickly backed away, stunned by his quick movements. She gulped and looked back at him fiercely, “I’m the girl who’s taking the blame for your robbery!” she shouted.

Sylveon tensed and got into position for an attack if needed while Mareep looked at the enemy Mareep, confused.

The robber chuckled, “Oh, so I get to meet the wonderful actress herself. Lemme tell you, you are doing an amazing job!”

Aries tried to think of a way to keep the guy from leaving but also signal that he was close. She knew that if she found the real culprit they would leave the group alone and not out what she wanted to keep hidden. She sneakily held her hand behind her back and dialed a number into her phone as the robber went on about how he committed the robbery.

The robber proceeded to give a speech on how his pointless life drove him to steal the money from the Seavaille Credit Federation. As he finished, he joked with Aries “I know you really don’t care, but I figured if you use my story they’ll let you off a little easier. Why should I let you take full credit for this?"

Aries slid her phone into her back pocket to keep the robber from getting suspicious. “I hope you don’t think I’ll be letting you leave. You did the crime; you’ll do the time. You aren’t leaving this alleyway!”

“Syl!” Sylveon shouted in agreement.

The robber tossed out a Pokeball and released a second Pokemon.

The Pokeball popped open and released a small, yellow spider Pokemon. “Jol-Jol!” it murmured in a quiet voice.

“You have a Joltik I see. Do you plan to fight back?” Aries questioned.

The robber smirked and picked up Joltik, then aimed it at a rooftop like a grappling hook. “Use String Shot!” he ordered.

Joltik spit out a stick string of web towards the roof of a building creating the alley and slowly retracted the web to begin pulling it and the robber upwards.

Aries quickly jumped into action to stall his escape. “Sylveon, use Quick Attack and cut the String Shot!” she ordered.

Sylveon’s body became enveloped in a bright, white light and quickly shot off. It ran alongside the wall and jumped, slicing the String Shot by biting it and landed back down on the opposite side of the alley to block the robber’s escape.

The robber landed on the alley floor, hard. He held his shoulder in pain, having sprained it from the short fall. “You little brat, Mareep and Joltik use Thunderbolt and shut her up!” he commanded.

The robber’s Joltik and Mareep both charged up a spark of electricity within their bodies. They stood on their hind legs and fired off a streak of electricity that shocked and knocked Aries to the ground.

Aries felt her whole body twang as she collided with the pavement of the alley. She puffed her bangs upward and out of her eyes. She stood up, angry with having to deal with this man. “Sylveon, Disarming Voice! Mareep, use- “she began to order but looked down at Mareep and noticed it was starting to cower again.

Sylveon opened its mouth wide and screamed, releasing pink sound-waves that knocked the enemy Joltik and Mareep off their feet and filled the robber’s eardrums.

Aries knelt down and patted Mareep, “I know you’re scared and timid Mareep, but right now we need to stop this man. We can’t let him get away with his actions. You know that we’re here and not leaving your side. I promise you Mareep, me and Sylveon are always going to be here for you. If you ever get scared, know that we are always close and will always protect y- “

“STRING SHOT!” the robber ordered in an angry command as he held Joltik like a grappling gun once again, but now at Sylveon.

Joltik fired off a stream of sticky web that wrapped around Sylveon’s legs.

The robber snickered and swung Joltik in and arch that picked up Sylveon and swung it over his head, slamming it into the ground in front of Aries.

Aries screamed in horror and ran over to check on Sylveon with Mareep at her side.

The robber smirked and picked his bag of money back up off the ground. “Stay out of my way, little miss. I have somewhere to be.”

Aries felt a spark go off in her as he labeled her as Little Miss. She ripped her hairband from her ponytail and turned down to look at Mareep, “Mareep. This man just hurt our friend Sylveon, you aren’t going to let him get away with this right? After Sylveon came to help find you and watch to make sure no guards would scare you away again?”

“Mar-ee…” Mareep responded, looking at its friend Sylveon and its trainer Aries. It knew that if it were revered with Sylveon and lying on the ground in pain, Sylveon would instantly retaliate alongside Aries. Mareep turned and looked at Aries, determined and unafraid. “Mare!” it nodded, confirming it was going to fight back.

Aries smiled, “Now let’s kick his ass.”

Aries’ Mareep turned and faced the robber and his Pokemon, ready to fight them two on one.

The robber was annoyed, “Can’t you leave me alone. I didn’t even want to fight you in the first place.”

Aries ignored his response and quickly ordered an attack from Mareep, “Use Thundershock!”

Aries’ Mareep charged up electrical energy throughout its wool and fired off a slim streak of lightning that shocked the robber and his Pokemon, disorienting them.

The robber wobbled around to regain his footing, “What a weakling, Joltik use- “he began to command but stopped after seeing his Joltik had fainted! He grunted and threw it to the ground, “Useless Pokemon,” he mumbled. “Mareep, use Thunderbolt!”

The robber’s Mareep gathered electrical energy from its wool and fired off a streak of lightning from its tail that zapped Aries’ Mareep.

Aries grew worried, having not pushed Mareep to much extent during a battle before. “Mareep, are you okay?” she asked.

Aries’ Mareep nodded, ignoring its damage in order to serve justice for its friend. It remembered all the times it had experience with Sylveon, it having known Aries longer and helping it bond with her since its birth from an egg on Aries’ 16th Birthday.

The robber grew more impatient, hearing sirens in the distance. “Those stupid cops are coming, I’m out of here!” he announced and began to flee.

Aries’ Mareep gathered up immense electrical energy throughout its body and… began to glow?

The robber stopped and turned back, blinded by the bright light being emitted from Aries’ Mareep’s body! “Is it… using… Flash?” he managed to speak, stunned by the light.

Aries smiled, “No! Mareep is evolving!”

Aries’ Mareep could feel it’s body morphing. It stood up on its hind legs and felt its front legs grow into arms. The wool around its body condensed into and area on its head that formed a headdress of wool. As the bright light faded, its body changed into a pinkish color and the orb on its tail turned from orange, to blue. Mareep then flexed and a spark pulsed from its body. “Flaaa!” it bleated.

Aries was giddy with excitement, “You evolved into a Flaaffy! Awesome!”

Flaaffy turned back and nodded at Aries, no longer feeling any sense of fear. It had come about a new nature and was now Brave. It collected electrical energy throughout its body and formed a bright, yellow orb of electricity in its arms and flung it at the robber and his Mareep, stunning them upon collision.

“You learned Electroball! What about any other moves?” she asked, excited by Flaaffy ditching its timid-self to stand up for Sylveon.

Flaaffy turned back to the stunned robber and began charging electrical energy throughout its body.

The robber regained his footing and attempted to retaliate but was met by another charge from Flaaffy that knocked him down and onto his fainted Mareep.

“There she is!” shouted Kyoko from the alley entrance. He had arrived as Flaaffy delivered the finishing blow on the robber with a newly learned Thunderbolt.

Aries smiled with glee, “You guys finally got here, nice!”

Flaaffy quickly ran over to check on Sylveon who had already started to regain its strength. Flaaffy wrapped its arms around Sylveon and the two embraced.

Officer Jenny stomped over and handcuffed the robber. “Seems we found the culprit. You’re under arrest. Seize his Pokemon,” she ordered her fellow officers as she escorted the robber to her squad vehicle.

Kyoko, Jacob, and Russo ran over to greet Aries.

Kyoko pulled out his phone, “I figured that by you transmitting the call to me, we could track you down. Listening in on the conversation, I deduced that you were in a conversation with the real robber… which is entirely a coincidence.”

Jacob’s eyes lit up and ran over to kneel before Flaaffy. “Your Mareep evolved! I gotta check this out,” he exclaimed, excited by the change to Aries’ roster. He reached in his backpack and took out his Pokedex, then scanned Flaaffy.

The Pokedex clicked on and began feeding information. “Flaaffy, the Wool Pokemon. With its wool compressed to its upper body, Flaaffy keep their lower body warm by sending electric currents to and from its tail.”

Aries knelt and group hugged her Sylveon and Flaaffy, glad that the day had worked out and Flaaffy had become a much more confident Pokemon.

One of Officer Jenny’s officers returned to the scene and whispered in her ear.

Jenny gasped, “Are you sure?”

The officer nodded and returned to his squad vehicle.

Jenny crossed her arms and sighed.

Jacob, Russo, Aries, and Kyoko looked at Jenny.

Jacob scratched behind Aipom’s ear, who was sitting on Jacob’s shoulder. “Is there a problem, Officer Jenny?” he asked.

Officer Jenny began looking around the alley, “It seems that when they began to confiscate the robber’s Pokemon, one of them was unaccounted for.”

Aries’ eyes flicked and she jumped up to quickly look around.

Kyoko looked back at her, startled by her sudden movements. “What’s with you, Aries?”

Aries knelt onto the ground to pear below the dumpster where she had been hiding and saw a small, yellow blob lying with its eyes covered by its tiny front legs. She reached in and scooped out the blob and held it in her hand.

Jacob, Russo, Kyoko, and Officer Jenny leaned in to see what Aries had picked up.

Jacob took out his Pokedex and scanned the blob, realizing it was a Pokemon as one of the blob’s eyes opened and quickly closed out of fear.

The Pokedex clicked on and began feeding information. “Joltik, the Attaching Pokemon. When Joltik are young, they will attach themselves to larger specimens and sap their static electricity. As they grow older, they will merely feed off static as a means of play.”

Jacob returned his Pokedex to his bag and leaned in closer.

Aipom too leaned in to peer at the tiny Pokemon, having never seen such a small creature.

Aries cradled Joltik, remembering how the robber threw Joltik on the ground with such force and without a care.

Officer Jenny called to one of her officers, “Bring over the cage! We found the Joltik that was missing.”

Aries gasped and backed away, with Flaaffy and Sylveon putting themselves between Aries and Officer Jenny. “What are you doing?”

Officer Jenny crossed her arms, “That Joltik is under ownership of the robber. His Mareep was confiscated and so will that Joltik. They can be returned upon his release,” she informed.

Aries scoffed, “You can’t give that man this Joltik! He threw it on the ground and called it useless. He is not a proper trainer and does not deserve this Joltik!” she replied, hoping to save Joltik from any cruel life it may continue to have with the robber.

Officer Jenny sighed, “I know it may disappoint you, but that Joltik IS his Pokemon and he hasn’t released it. We must follow protocol. Give it to us, Aries.”

Joltik looked up at Aries, sensing she cared for the poor thing even though it had attacked her a short while ago. It quickly zapped her hand to be released and it ran back under the dumpster as Aries released it.

Aries shot back down to the ground immediately to see where it was heading.

Joltik returned from the dumpster with its Pokeball, much to everyone’s surprise. It had taken it from its previous trainer during all the commotion of his arrest. Joltik nibbled at the hinge that allowed the Pokeball to open and broke it, coating Joltik in a blue aura for a moment.

Everyone gasped at the sight. It had released itself!

Joltik looked at Aries and crawled up to her. It stood up on its hind legs and reached up to Aries. “Jol-Jol” it spoke, hoping she’d understand that it wanted her as its trainer instead of the robber.

Aries looked down at Joltik and then at Officer Jenny.

Officer Jenny smirked, impressed by Joltik’s action. “It seems he no longer owns Joltik… Thank you all for your help in the investigation.” She bowed at the group and departed from the scene, letting Aries give Joltik a much better life.

Aries grinned from ear to ear, “Thank you!” she called out to Officer Jenny. Aries knelt and picked up Joltik, “Of course you can come with us, Joltik,” she replied and stuck out her index finger to Joltik.

Joltik fell onto Aries finger and wrapped itself around it, symbolizing a hug. “Jol-Jol!” it shouted happily and then crawled down onto the ground.

Kyoko then handed Aries’ bag to her, “I believe you’ll be wanting this.”

Aries nodded and quickly dug out a shrunken, empty Pokeball. She clicked the center button to enlarge it and enable it for capture. “Alright Joltik,” she announced and held out the Pokeball to Joltik, “Welcome to our Family!”

Joltik jumped and tapped the Pokeball’s center button with its front left foot and became surrounded by a red light.

The Pokeball absorbed Joltik and shook three times in Aries’ palm. The Pokeball then released a cloud of white sparkles to signal the capture as complete.

Aries jumped into the air with glee, “Awesome, I caught a Joltik!”

Flaaffy and Sylveon jumped with joy and ran over to peer at the Pokeball along with Jacob, Russo, and Kyoko.

“Congratulations Aries!” Kyoko said, and cocked his glasses. “I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful trainer to this Joltik.”

Aries clutched the Pokeball in her hands. She gazed upon it and smiled, “Thank you, Kyoko. I hope you’re right.”

Spoiler: CHAPTER 19 PREVIEW

Kyoko: With everyone getting chapters focused on themselves, when will I get some attention?
Izzy: Don't be such an attention hog.
Aries: I think you guys would make an adorable couple!
Izzy: Wait, you what?
Kyoko: A couple?
Kyoko: Next time, A Frontier of Possibilities !
Jacob: You ship them? I always imagined you ended up with Kyoko.
Aries: Why would you think that!
Russo: Can we stop with the romance and start with the battling?

 

[Jaypom]

Chapter 19:
A Frontier of Possibilities!​

“Are you sure you want to battle?” Russo called out to Kyoko from across the practice battlefield at the Pokemon Center in Seavaille Town.


Having arrived and set up shop in Seavaille Town, Jacob, Russo, Aries, and Kyoko are waiting for Jacob’s contest to begin in the coming days. Kyoko has seemed to taken an interest in having an official battle with Russo!


Kyoko cocked his glasses and nodded, “Yes, I would like to engage in a battle Russo,” he replied and clutched a Pokeball in his hand.


Aries, Jacob, and Aipom were sitting on a bench to watch the ensuing test of skills.


Aipom reached down to Jacob’s backpack at Jacob’s feet and took out a banana to snack on.


Russo reached around his belt to choose a Pokemon that would be appropriate for Kyoko’s skill level, wanting to have a fair battle. “Totodile, let’s go,” Russo commanded and tossed out Totodile’s Pokeball.


Totodile’s Pokeball popped open and sent out Totodile in a bright, white light.


Totodile opened and stretched its jaw wide open, showing off its teeth. “Toto!” it snarled and crossed its arms, ready to battle.


Aipom looked over at Totodile and waved, “Aipa!” it called.


Totodile nodded at Aipom and turned to gaze at Kyoko.


Kyoko looked at Totodile, unfazed by its look. He cocked his glasses and tossed out his Pokeball.


The Pokeball landed on the ground in front of Kyoko and popped open, releasing Wingull into the air.


Wingull spread its wings out and flew off into the sky. “Wingull!” it shouted and looked down at Totodile, ready to battle.


Russo shoved his hands into his pockets, “You can make the first move,” Russo offered.


Kyoko cocked his glasses and began analyzing the situation. He determined the best method of attacking would be to remain in the air, out of Tototdile’s reach. “Please use Icy Wind, Wingull” he asked.


Wingull nodded and flew upwards. It turned downward to face Totodile and opened its mouth, spraying out a cold wind with bits of snow.


Totodile covered its face with its hand and shook off the weak attack.


Russo scratched the back of his head, unimpressed. “That was it?” he questioned.


Kyoko cocked his glasses, “perhaps… that attack wasn’t the most powerful! No matter, Wingull, use Water Pulse!” he quickly ordered.


Wingull stayed out of reach of Totodile. It opened its mouth and began forming an orb of water which Wingull then fired down at Totodile.


Totodile took the attack head on, getting absorbed into the water orb and was swished around inside. It was spit out onto the ground practically unharmed. It sat up and blinked at Wingull.


Russo looked away, “I really thought your Wingull was stronger man…” he muttered.


Totodile sighed and stood up, ready to attack.


Russo decided to end the battle, being confident in Totodile’s power. “Totodile, use Water Gun to knock Wingull down and then Headbutt to wrap it up!”


Totodile turned upward toward Wingull and fired a stream of water from its mouth that hit Wingull and caused it to fall from the air. Totodile then darted forward at a quick speed and smashed into Wingull with its head, knocking Wingull backwards and onto the ground.


Kyoko looked down at Wingull and saw it had been knocked out, making Russo the winner. Kyoko sighed and returned Wingull to its Pokeball.


Totodile ran over to Russo’s feet and received a complimentary pat on its head before being returned to its Pokeball as well.


Russo walked over and shook Kyoko’s hand, “Good try man,” he complimented.


Kyoko sighed and lowered his head, “I suppose it wasn’t meant to happen the way I had hoped,” he replied.


Jacob and Aries walked over to congratulate him on his efforts.


“Not everyone can win on their first try, it takes time to build up a skillset for trainer battles,” Jacob said, trying to comfort Kyoko.


Kyoko cocked his glasses, “I’ve battled before, against my friend Izzy. The girl from my village, remember?”


Jacob cringed at remembering getting burned by the Pelliper on the day he first met Kyoko.


“Did someone say my name?!” a familiar voice called out.


Jacob and the others turned around and recognized the origin of the voice.


Kyoko’s friend Izzy was standing at the entrance to the battlefield, clutching a backpack with one hand and a bottle of water in the other. Her stringy orange hair had been tied into a ponytail and she had a noticeable pin clipped to her green halter top.


Kyoko cocked his glasses and looked at Izzy, stunned to see her again. “Izzy? Why are you here?” he asked, appearing to be unsurprised despite his inner thoughts.


Izzy glared, “You could at least act a little surprised to see me” she muttered. She galloped over and planted herself in front of Kyoko, trying to get any type of reaction out of him.


Kyoko looked at the pin clipped to the strap of Izzy’s bag. He noted its shape of a golden Pokeball over a golden pentafoil, with the top of the Pokeball colored royal blue and the bottom colored a sunny yellow. “I’ve never seen that accessory before, Izzy. Is it new?” he inquired.


Izzy put her hands on her hips and pumped her chest forward to help the pin glisten in the afternoon sun. “Yessir, I got it delivered by Ducklett Mail a few days after you left. It’s for my journey since I’m challenging the battle frontier!” she announced.


Kyoko’s eyes widened and he raised his glasses, “It… It’s finished?” he stuttered.


Jacob and Aries both looked at Kyoko while Russo remained unfazed.


Jacob’s Aipom ran over and climbed up onto Jacob’s shoulder, then leaned off and stared in awe at the golden shine of Izzy’s pin.


Izzy adjusted her pin to make sure it could be viewed at a perfect angle. “Well, not yet. But, it will be done in about a week. I’m on my way to Breezeville City in order to get started at a facility called the Battle Ring.”


Jacob pulled Aipom back into his arms, “Wait, what is the Battle Frontier?” he asked, confused on what Izzy and Kyoko seemed to know so much about.


Izzy brushed a strand of her frizzy orange hair from her face, “It’s a challenge like gym battles, but changed in order to test the skills of a trainer aside from being able to defeat Pokemon with pure power. There are five facilities, each with its own theme and challenge. If you defeat the facility, you receive a symbol. When you receive five symbols, you can enter the Pokemon League like you can with eight gym badges. The cap is lowered since they consider the frontier more challenging.”


Jacob glanced at Russo, “So then… Russo, why are you challenging Gyms instead of the Battle Frontier? It seems like this would increase your skills better,” Jacob asked.


Russo crossed his arms and looked away, “I don’t care about honing skills aside from battling. All I need is my street smarts and my battle smarts. I beat Kyoko with ease remember, and won my first badge on my first try,” he responded, annoyed with the idea of the Battle Frontier.


Kyoko cocked his glasses, “The Battle Frontier is also fairly new, Russo would have had to wait to challenge it and clearly he is an impatient person,” Kyoko added on.


Russo twitched, “Don’t insult me,” he muttered.


Izzy tip-toed up closer to Kyoko and got close to his face, “Anywho, I saw you battling Russo and thought I’d say hello on my way through town. Since I’m here, why don’t we have ourselves a battle!”


Kyoko thought to himself for a moment, “Well… I just finished battling and need to heal up Wingull first. Would you mind waiting for Nurse Joy to heal it up?


Izzy rolled her eyes and noded reluctantly, “Fine, I suppose you should have a fair shot. How about I make you guys a special lunch themed after me and Kyoko’s village?” she offered.


Jacob and Aipom both felt their mouths begin to water at the offer of free food!


“Sounds great!” Jacob agreed excitedly.


“Aipa!” Aipom shouted in agreement.








A few minutes later…


Izzy emerged from the Pokemon Center’s back entrance and onto the porch beside the battlefield and presented a tray filled with fruits and berries. “In honor of the gathering nature of our village, I’ll be making y’all our famous sweet salad!”


Kyoko emerged from the Pokemon Center as well and greeted the group, having dropped off Wingull for Nurse Joy to heal up.


Jacob, Aipom, Aries, and Russo were plopped down at a large, circular table with a thick parasol standing in the center to block out the sun and supply a hefty amount of shade.


Izzy walked to a counter at the far wall of the porch and began chopping the fruits to be placed on plates for the trainers and a bowl for Aipom. She raised her arm and wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead, “So, what have all of y’all been up to since we last met?” she asked.


Jacob reached into his backpack lying in a pile below the table, “I got my first ribbon, in the Iridale Contest! It was tough but so much fun. We’re here in Seavaille so I can compete in the contest in a few days. He took out his ribbon case and opened it, revealing a sparkling ribbon to Izzy.


Russo rested his elbows on the table and then his face in the palms of his hands. “Then we’re off to Breezeville City for my Second Gym Battle. I won my challenge in Kimpier City.”


Izzy nodded and turned to Aries, “And you?”


Aries looked around and realized Izzy was referring to herself. “Ah… well… I suppose I’m along for the ride…” she answered absentmindedly.


Izzy smirked, “Well at least you all have goals,” she began and pointed to Kyoko with her thumb, “unlike this knob.”


Kyoko blinked and stared at the pin on clipped to Izzy’s shirt, ignoring her insult.


Izzy glared at him, thinking his gaze was at her breast instead of her pin. “Excuse you!” she shouted and turned away.


Kyoko snapped out of his trance and noticed Izzy’s face had turned bright red but he was unsure exactly why.


Aries decided to get Izzy’s mind off of Kyoko’s inability to make a conversation, “So Izzy, how has your journey been? Caught any new Pokemon?” she asked.


Izzy smiled and turned back to Aries. “Yes, counting Riolu I have three Pokemon. I caught the other two on my way here. I wanted to take the route that would lead me through Darkton City, the Power Plant, and a couple other towns but this way is much quicker. I want to be the first in line for my battle at the Battle Ring.”


Jacob smiled and stood up, “Can we see?” he asked excitedly as Aipom fell backwards from being surprised by Jacob’s response.


Izzy smirked, “I suppose. Y’all would get to see them all in battle when me and Kyoko go at it though”


Kyoko cocked his glasses, “I’m afraid I only have two Pokemon so it would have to be two on two,” he added.


Izzy rolled her eyes, “Really? You couldn’t have caught a third one? Three on three is the best way to battle a trainer,” Izzy sighed. She took the bowls of food out to the table and set them down for people to eat. She then walked out onto the battlefield and tossed three Pokeballs from her pocket into the air.


The Pokeballs popped open and sent out three Pokemon onto the field. The first was Riolu that the group had already met. The second was a small, brown, quadrupedal wolf-like Pokemon. The third was another brown quadruped, but was taller and more dopey looking, resembling a donkey.


Jacob ran to the edge of the porch with his Pokedex in hand and quickly scanned Izzy’s two new Pokemon.


The Pokedex clicked on and began feeding information on the wolf-like Pokemon. “Rockruff, the Puppy Pokemon. Rockruff are friendly by nature and can use their sense of smell to locate its trainer from miles away.”


Jacob nodded and turned his Pokedex to the donkey Pokemon.


The Pokedex beeped and continued feeding information. “Mudbray, the Donkey Pokemon. Mudbray are dimwitted and stubborn, but can be bribed with the promise of mud.”


Jacob placed his Pokedex back in his bag as Aipom ran over to greet the Pokemon.


Riolu didn’t seem to remember Aipom but was polite with its greeting along with Rockruff.


Mudbray stood in its place dimwittedly, unaware it was even out of its Pokeball.


Izzy leaned over and took out a treat that looked like a piece of chocolate and fed it to Mudbray, who responded with a loud bray. “Mudbray isn’t very aware of things, it helps to feed it these mudbites that I prepare for it,” she called out to everyone. “And with that, are you ready to battle me Kyoko?!”


Kyoko cocked his glasses, “I suppose we can, but I’m fairly certain I will be the one to lose.”


Izzy scoffed, “Where is your confidence? Go grab your Wingull and let’s get to work alright?” she ordered.





A few minutes had passed before Kyoko returned to the battlefield, reluctant to battle.


Izzy stood on the opposite side of the field and waved at Kyoko, rushing him.


Kyoko sighed and took his spot, opposite of Izzy.


Jacob sat with Aipom in his arms and called out to Kyoko, “Good luck Kyoko!”


“Aipa!” Aipom cheered in agreement.


Kyoko nodded and looked at Aries who was sitting next to Jacob.


Aries nodded at Kyoko, “You got this!” she shouted confidently.


Kyoko smiled slightly but returned to his blank expression.


Russo was standing in the referee box at the center of the battlefield in front of the bench where Jacob and Aries were sitting. “I’ll act as the referee.”


Kyoko and Izzy both nodded, “Understood!” they both replied.


Russo held his hand up towards the sky, open palmed. “Battle begin!” he shouted.


Izzy held a Pokeball forward, letting it shine from the rays of the afternoon sun. “Rockruff, come out y’all!” she called and threw her Pokeball forward, releasing Rockfuff from its Pokeball and onto the battlefield.


“Ruff!” Rockruff barked energetically.


Kyoko adjusted his glasses and quickly sent out his choice.


The Pokeball spun into the air and popped open, releasing Farfetch’d onto the field from a beam of white light.


Farfetch’d proudly stuck out it’s chest to make it appear strong and muscular in front of Rockruff.


Rockruff appeared to ignore Farfetch’d as it watched a Butterfree fly around in the nearby bushes. It barked at Butterfree playfully, “Ruff ruff!”


“Ladies first, Izzy!” Kyoko allowed.


Izzy shot her hand forward and commanded Rockfuff for its first attack, “Rockruff, use Sand Attack!”


Rockruff quickly lost its cheerful state and became more serious. It glared at Farfetch’d and growled viciously.


Farfetch’d lost its confidence and stumbled backwards, stunned by Rockruff’s change in demeanor.


Rockruff turned and faced its tail towards Farfetch’d and quickly kicked out a cloud of sand that created a dust cloud around the field.


Kyoko figured Izzy would start with Sand Attack. “Farfetch’d, please use Leaf Blade!” he commanded.


Farfetch’d sat up and gathered a green light around its stalk. It charged forward and slashed Rockruff, knocking it backwards and dissipating the dust cloud from the force of the swing.


Izzy snickered, “So it has the ability Keen Eye, interesting,” she called out to Kyoko.


Kyoko nodded, “I figured your first strategy would be to lower my Pokemon’s accuracy, and Farfetch’d can use Leaf Blade on Rockruff on top of its ability. The perfect choice in my opinion,” he replied calm and collected.


Jacob adjusted his grip on Aipom and turned to Aries, “Kyoko was smart to use that strategy. I never would have guessed what my opponent’s first move would be. I guess Kyoko can battle after all, but in a style different from Russo’s.”


Aries crossed her arms, “Every trainer battles differently, Kyoko is impressive at his ability to read people’s styles from just one look at them. His only challenge is the strength of his Pokemon. I guarantee that one hit from a rock type move from Rockruff will knockout his Farfetch’d.”


“Use Rock Throw!” Izzy ordered her Rockruff.


Rockruff opened its mouth and formed a small rock in front of it, then shot the rock forward at Farfetch’d.


“Use Leaf Blade to cut the rock and then Air Cutter on Rockruff,” Kyoko responded.


Farfetch’d quickly slashed the rock in half with its stalk and then flew upwards into the air. It swished its now blue energy coated stalk at Rockruff that sent spinning, blue disks down onto Rockruff.


Rockruff stumbled backwards but shook off the damage, being able to withstand flying type moves due to being a rock type.


Farfetch’d landed on the ground and pointed its stalk at Rockruff, challenging it. “Far! Farfetch’d!” it shouted.


Rockruff smirked and raised its tail upwards, ready to pounce at Farfetch’d.


Kyoko tried to think of Izzy’s next move, but he couldn’t seem to read her now.


Izzy stood confidently and stared at Kyoko. She knew he was trying to read her like he had always done in their practice skirmishes as children. “You’ve done well up till now Kyoko, but you won’t beat me.”


Kyoko cocked his glasses and felt his jaw tighten, he was anxious. He enjoyed battling Izzy, always had and always will, but did not like admitting it. He wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead, “Use Leaf Blade!”


Farfetch’d darted forward, gathering a green light into its stalk and preparing to slash Rockruff.


Izzy knew he’d get physical, “Jump upwards and use Rock Throw, quickly!”


Rockruff waited till Farfetch’d stopped to swipe at it and jumped upward, dodging Leaf Blade. It quickly formed a rock in front of its mouth and fired at Farfetch’d.


Farfetch’d was smacked in the face with Rockruff’s Rock Throw and fell backwards. It got up and waddled dizzily, but gave in to the move and fainted.


Rockruff landed on the ground and barked happily, “Ruff!”.


Russo held his hand up, “Farfetch’d is unable to battle! Rockruff is the winner!”


Kyoko walked to Farfetch’d and helped it to its feet. “You tried hard. I’m impressed with how well we worked as a team.”


Farfetch’d smiled and returned to its Pokeball as Kyoko took out it’s ball and bonked it on the head.


Kyoko returned to his position in the trainer’s box on the battlefield. He turned and looked back at Izzy, then at Aries.


Aries smiled at him and smiled briefly.


Kyoko looked down at his feet, feeling himself get lightheaded. His first battle against Russo was a bust, but he still has a chance to win here. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his next Pokeball. He pressed the center button and enlarged it, gripping it in his hands. He looked up at Izzy, with a sudden determination to win. “Wingull, let’s go!” he shouted and threw Wingull’s Pokeball upwards into the air.


Wingull quickly flew out of the Pokeball and looped in the skies as Kyoko caught and returned it’s capsule to his pocket.


Izzy noticed something was different about Kyoko. She could tell his determination had increased and that he actually cared about winning against her.


Kyoko leaned forward and pointed at Rockruff, “Use Water Pulse!”


Wingull darted downward at Rockruff and began gathering an orb of water in front of its mouth. As it got up close, it locked Rockruff in the orb and flew away.


Rockruff was stunned by the speed of Wingull as it was thrown around by the water inside the orb. It was then thrown backwards to Izzy’s feet, knocked out from the Water Pulse’s power.


Russo held his hand up once again, “Rockruff is unable to battle! Wingull is the winner!”


Izzy smirked and nodded, “I had figured you wouldn’t waste time. I’ve only ever seen you get determined once Kyoko, and that was as kids,” she helped out Rockruff’s Pokeball and recalled the Puppy Pokemon, “but we aren’t children anymore,” she shrunk Rockruff’s Pokeball and put it into her pocket. She then took out her second Pokemon’s Pokeball. “Riolu, come out y’all!” she shouted and threw Riolu’s Pokeball into the air, releasing Riolu onto the battlefield.


Riolu crossed its arms and looked up at Wingull.


Both Pokemon were determined and had already battled each other many times, but now were competing against each other officially.


“Wingull, use Wing Attack!” Kyoko quickly ordered.


Wingull darted downward once again and gathered white energy into its wings.


“Use Force Palm to counter!” Izzy responded.


Riolu gathered a hemisphere of yellow-white energy in its palm and jumped to collide with Wingull.


The two collided and bounced off of one another.


Wingull breathed heavily, already hurt from the power of Riolu’s Force Palm.


Riolu held its arm and stumbled forward, also hurt from the super-effective Wing Attack.


“Use Water Pulse!” Kyoko ordered and cocked his glasses.


Izzy brushed a stringy piece of hair from her face, “Use Copycat!”


Wingull flew forward once again and began forming an orb of water in front of its mouth.


Riolu also darted forward, copying Wingull, and began forming an orb of water in front of its mouth.


Both Pokemon collided in the center of the field and locked each other inside orbs of water. They both were swished around and knocked backwards at their trainers.


Kyoko and Izzy both ran to each of their Pokemon only to find that Riolu and Wingull had knocked the other out, making the match a tie.


“That’s it! Battle concluded since both Riolu and Wingull are knocked out.” Russo announced and concluded the battle as Kyoko and Izzy picked their Pokemon up and held them in their arms.


Jacob and Aries both ran onto the field to congratulate Izzy and Kyoko on a battle well done.


Izzy smiled at Kyoko, “Well that was definitely fun Kyoko! I was hoping it would last longer but I suppose dreams aren’t meant to come true,” she chuckled.


Kyoko lowered his head to keep his gaze from his friends.


Aipom jumped out of Jacob’s arms and crawled over to look up at Kyoko. It sat at Kyoko’s feet and smiled up at him.


Kyoko blinked and looked up at his friends, “I want to challenge the battle frontier!” he blurted out, shocking his friends and even himself.


Izzy smirked, knowing she had to be a reason for his sudden desire to copy her. “What brought this on?” she asked, pretending the be clueless.


Kyoko thought to himself and remembered how he felt battling with Farfetch’d and Wingull against Izzy. He had never felt a rush of having to think on his feet instead of thinking things out beforehand. “I’m not sure how to explain it… but I want to battle like this more often. The battle frontier is set to test the trainer in different ways during a battle, and I want to attempt it.”


Russo nodded, “I can definitely tell you that you’ll probably fail… but I support you dude.” He consoled.


Jacob picked Aipom up and held it in his arms, “Well, I’m not super shocked by this. I really hope this works out, Kyoko.”


Kyoko nodded at Jacob and Russo, then turned to Aries and Izzy. They were two people who stirred emotions inside of him, and he didn’t understand why they did such a thing… but he knew he wanted to follow those feelings since they are the only ones he ever seemed to feel.


Aries smiled to herself and nodded, “We’ll cheer you on Kyoko, I can assure you of that. You’ll need to train extra hard, but I think you may have what it takes, so best of luck on your goal.”


Izzy looked at Aries and then at Kyoko, noticing his gaze had been shifting between her and Aries. She knew what he was thinking but didn’t want to call him out on it. “Riolu return,” she mumbled and returned Riolu to its Pokeball.


Everyone looked at Izzy and saw she was leaving without responding to Kyoko’s answer.


Kyoko cocked his glasses, “You’re leaving?” he asked.


Izzy didn’t look back at him as she picked up her backpack off the Pokemon Center’s porch. “Yeah, I am. I’m going to get a head on for Breezeville City and do some intense training. Good luck! I’m glad you’re gonna continue to be my rival, Kyoko,” she said to Kyoko. She quickly ran off without looking back and disappeared in the distance. As she left earshot of the group, she mumbled to herself, “just my rival…”


Kyoko turned to his friends, “I’ll get to work training right away. I have a lot of work to do for my first Frontier Challenge.”


Jacob clenched his fist confidently, “Awesome! Then as soon as my contest finishes, let’s head to Breezeville for your Frontier Challenge and Russo’s gym battle!”


Aries looked off in the direction where Izzy had run, wondering why she had left in such a hurry. She looked at Kyoko who already appeared to be hard at work thinking of a plan for challenging his first facility. She thought something had appeared different about him, but couldn’t quite figure it out.

Spoiler: CHAPTER 20 PREVIEW

Jacob: Okay Salamence, let's get some training in!
Salamence: Sala.
Jacob: Is that a no?
Aipom: Ai-pa-pa!
Salamence: Sala.
???: Hey, get away from that Pokemon!
Jacob: Next time, The Rowlet Outlet !
???: Rowl-owl
Jacob: Now that's just cute!
???: I told you to get away from it!
Jacob: No way dude!

 

[Jaypom]

Today, I finished rewriting Chapter 4 which was revised completely into basically an alternate version with the same plot and results but a separate play out taking into account some reviews that were given.
You can read the re-released chapter here

 

[Jaypom]

For some reason I'm on a hot streak of rewriting the earlier chapters to fix up some errors and keep the storyline flowing more smoothly. I hope you all enjoy Chapter 5 version 2!

 

[Jaypom]

I've decided to change the name to the story to give a more flowing name. So from now on, the story is "Pokemon Spectrum: An Original Journey Fic".
And with the changed name, the Book titles are also going to be different types of light, with Book One becoming "White".

 

[Jaypom]

As of today, I have finished rewriting Chapter 6 in order to make it flow better with the rewritten Chapter 5.
You can read it here.
Some notable changes:
*Move sets of Solarus' Pokemon and Russo's Pokemon
*Slightly altered team for Solarus