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COMPLETE: Real Fear [Horror, Explicit Descriptions of Gore] [MATURE]

UselessBytes

Plays too much Yu-Gi-Oh!
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Chapter 1


Cameron Hills had always dreamed of discovering a new Pokémon. He’d spent hours and hours of his childhood sketching out crude drawings of imaginary Pokémon. He’d sit in the woods, just waiting and watching, hoping for something new to come crawling across his sneaker. Yes, he’d always dreamed of discovering a new Pokémon, but he never imagined it wouldn’t be as friendly as all the other creatures he’d come to know and love.

He ran and ran as his breath clouded before him, not daring to look back until he was as far away from that… that thing as possible. He couldn’t call for help- His spelunking buddy had his cellphone, and he was in another tunnel. Besides, it wasn’t like there was going to be any signal half a mile under the ground.

He could still hear the booming, rhythmic footfalls of the beast behind him. He wasn’t far enough. He kept running, his breathing ragged and irregular. He wouldn’t be able to keep this up much longer. Tears started to form in his eyes. If only he hadn’t been so quick to sprint off, maybe he would’ve been able to find the path to the surface. If only he hadn’t ditched his backpack, which held his Pokéballs, to get away faster, maybe he would’ve been able to fight back. If only…

All of a sudden, Cameron stopped running. He leaned up against the wall and stared at the pile of rock in front of him. He’d come to a dead end.

He fell to the ground, tears flowing freely. He considered scratching a message into the stone with his knife, describing what happened and making sure they went back and retrieved his Golem’s Pokéball. Yet, as he reached for the small knife on his belt, he let out a sad, sobbing laugh. It wasn’t as if anyone would see it. He curled up into a ball, laying on the cold ground and sobbing like a child, waiting for the monster to come end his life as the footfalls grew louder and louder.

And then suddenly, they were gone. The footfalls no longer echoed throughout the tunnel. Cameron choked back his sobs for a moment, looking back into the tunnel. The tunnel stayed silent, aside from the muffled sniffs coming from Cameron. He tentatively pulled himself off of the ground, squinting into the dim tunnel from which he had just came.

He waited for several minutes, expecting the deafening footsteps to resume at any moment, but they never did. He warily started back down the tunnel, hoping to make it back to his bag before the Pokémon returned. He wiped the slowly drying tears from his cheeks as he crept back down the tunnel, ready to take off in the other direction at the slightest sign of danger.

Surprisingly enough, the danger never came. Cameron made it all the way back to where he had dropped his backpack without hearing so much as a pebble dropping off of the walls. He reach down to the backpack to pick it up, but his hand froze as he heard the faintest hint of something very, very large exhaling.

Various thoughts and feelings raced through Cameron’s mind. Maybe he could start running again. Maybe he could get to his Pokéball in time to fight back. Maybe he could-

He let out a strangled scream as a large pincer-like claw snapped close over his midsection. He looked down, staring at the blood flowing over the edges of the pitch black claw. His mouth opened and closed as he attempted to form words, but only twisted gasps came out as the claw squeezed tighter, splattering blood on the ground around it.

Cameron let out a final, weak gasp as his vision started to dim. The deep red blood that painted the floor around him faded to black as consciousness finally abandoned him.


XXX​


Looker stared at the body that had been recovered from the caves. The risk of death wasn’t uncommon this deep into the wilds of Poni Island, but he’d never seen a body this… decimated. Massive, jagged gashes cut through the man’s body in two places, nearly severing his body completely. His previously black hair was now stained reddish brown with his own dried blood, as was most of the rest of him.

He’d been told that the man had died no later than four hours ago. Whatever had so brutally slain him was probably still somewhere in the cave system, so Looker had the caves roped off until further notice. It was imperative that no one else get hurt before they figured out what had killed the man in front of him and contained it.

“I’m done, go ahead and zip it up.” Looker said, giving the medical examiner permission to close the body bag the body lay in.

The medical examiner turned to Looker, wiping the drying blood on his hands onto his sterile blue outfit. “Whatever did this was incredibly strong. The way his bones broke, it as if they weren’t even solid to begin with. In some places, the bones were little more than powder.” He looked down at the Pokédex in his hand. “In fact, the cave system he was found in is only inhabited by Golbat and Dugtrio. Whatever killed him wasn’t native.”

Looker shoved his hands into the deep pockets of his trenchcoat. “And what of the Pokémon native to Poni Island?”

The examiner shook his head. “Not likely. Bewear and Primeape both certainly have the strength to crush bone like that, but there isn’t a plausible explanation for the lacerations. A Gigalith could potentially make similar cuts, but they’re a predominantly peaceful species. All signs point to a non-native Pokémon, if it’s even a Pokémon that did this.”

“Well, what else could’ve done it?”

“There are several possibilities, but they all have some pretty big holes. Victreebel leaves similar gashes on any victims it bites down on, but the lack of any acid erosion rules it out for the most part. Crabominable certainly has the strength to crush bone with relative ease, but, like Gigalith, they’re a peaceful, reclusive species.”

Looker nodded. “Any others? How about Pinsir?”

“I thought of Pinsir, too, but there’s no sign of the toxin secreted from the thorns on a Pinsir’s pincers. I’m honestly at a loss for words. I’ve no idea what could’ve done this.” The medical examiner said, shaking his head.

“Did the attacker leave behind anything to identify it with? Something that might contain DNA?” Looker questioned.

“No idea. I sent his clothes off to the lab just in case, but it’ll be at least a couple days before we get the results.”

Looker scowled. “This is more frustrating than I anticipated. I had hoped such a brutal killing would make the attacker easier to identify.” Looker turned and opened the door to the hall outside of the examination room. “I’ll be taking a team into the caves to check out the scene of the attack. I want you on it.”

“Of course. When are we leaving?”

Looker paused. “Let’s say four hours. That’ll give me enough time to get permission to go in.” He took a step into the hallway, pausing once again. “What’s your name, kid?”

“Quenton Dallas, sir.” The medical examiner answered.

“Very well. I’ll see you in four hours, Quenton. And there’s no need to call me sir.” The door swung shut behind Looker, and the medical examiner turned back to his work.

“Well, you’re quite the mystery, aren’t you?” He said, addressing the body bag in front of him. “We’ll figure it out, though. Looker always does.”
 
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Ooh, I'm liking this already. You haven't drawn out the first chapter with anything unnecessary or long-winded, which made it an easy read. You've turned this into a nice hook. The technical explanations (such as the rationale behind ruling out Pinsir) are great. Based on the location, Looker's supervisory role, and the mention of a black claw, I'm guessing that a certain UB is behind this first murder. You've earned a reader!
 
Ooh, I'm liking this already. You haven't drawn out the first chapter with anything unnecessary or long-winded, which made it an easy read. You've turned this into a nice hook. The technical explanations (such as the rationale behind ruling out Pinsir) are great. Based on the location, Looker's supervisory role, and the mention of a black claw, I'm guessing that a certain UB is behind this first murder. You've earned a reader!
Thanks! I had this idea thrown at me a while back by a friend when I was looking for ideas, and I finally decided to try it out. I love horror fiction, but I wasn't sure if Pokemon and horror fiction would mix well, but I gave it my best shot!
 
Chapter 2


Looker rolled the blood-encrusted Pokéball around in his palm. He’d been told by the man who found it that it wouldn’t open. There was probably dried blood clogging the mechanism.

“I wonder what poor Pokémon is trapped in here…” Looker muttered.

“I’d say it’s a Golem.” Quenton said. “At least, going from the picture we found in the victim’s backpack.”

“Did you find any hints to who he might be?” Looker asked. Quenton handed him a leather wallet.

“This was in the backpack.”

Looker flipped open the wallet. The only items in it were two twenties and a trainer card labeled “Cameron Hills”.

“Did you find anything else significant? A phone, perhaps?” Looker asked.

Quenton shook his head. “Nothing else but caving equipment. However, it’s likely that he had a partner. In fact, they might still be in the caves.”

“Really? It’s been at least 16 hours since we found the body.”

“Yeah, the cavers here on Poni are pretty extreme. They usually spend two or three days at a time in these caves.”

Looker put a hand on his chin. “And how long had Cameron Hills been down here?”

“Based on what’s left of his supplies, less than a day.”

Looker nodded. “Good.” He turned to two of the men examining the large blood spatter on the floor. “You two! I want you to start combing these caves for anyone who might be wandering around down here. If the name Cameron Hills means anything to them, bring them here. Report back in an hour regardless of who or what you’ve found.” The two men nodded and headed off down the tunnel.

Everything was silent for a moment.

“Do you think it’s okay to be splitting up like this?” Quenton asked. “I mean, if whatever killed him is still down here…”

Looker shook his head. “Those two are very skilled as trainers. They’ll be fine as long as they have their Pokémon with them.”

“And what about you and I? I only have my magnemite, and I’m not much of a trainer.”

Looker reached into his trench coat and pulled out a Pokéball. “Well, then it’s my responsibility to keep us safe.” He tossed the Pokéball into the air. “Meowstic!”

The blue, cat-like Pokémon appeared in a flash of white light, letting out a curious squeak.

“Meowstic, I want you to warn us if you sense something approaching.” Looker said. The psychic type squeaked in affirmation and turned its attention to the tunnel. “Consider our backs watched.” Looker said.

Quenton chuckled, turning back to the blood spatter. “Okay, based on the splatter here, whatever killed him probably wasn’t quick about it. These irregular patterns on the wall and floor make me want to say that whatever it was shook him around quite a bit. Probably dragged him around and threw him against the walls a couple of times.”

“Jesus, I hope he wasn’t conscious.”

“He probably wasn’t. See that larger spatter over there?” He asked, pointing to the largest of the bloodstains. “That’s most likely where the attack started. If he’d really lost that much blood before he started getting thrown around, there’s almost no chance that he was conscious. In fact, there’s a slight chance he was dead before he even left that spot.”

Looker frowned. “How can you be sure that’s where it started?”

“Well there’s a few reasons. His backpack is closer to that spot than any other, and it’s relatively clean. Barely any blood on the thing. And secondly, his body was found a quarter of a mile away from here.”

Looker’s frown faded. “I suppose that’s some pretty solid reasoning. Anything else I should know?”

“Yeah, whatever did this was pretty big, but there’s almost no trace that something with this level of power was ever here, aside from the blood. It’s like whatever it was covered its track, like it doesn’t want to be discovered. If you ask me, that doesn’t sound like something a Pokémon would do.”

No, it sounds like something a human would do,” Looker said.

Quenton clapped his hands together. “Exactly! Which makes me think this wasn’t an issue of the victim stumbling into a hostile Pokémon.”

“You think he was being hunted?” Looker asked.

“Absolutely. Whatever did this did it maliciously, for no other reason than to enjoy slaughtering some innocent human,” Quenton said.

“Christ, maybe we shouldn’t be down here.”

“We won’t have to be for much longer. I’ve gleamed just about everything I can from these blood spatters, and we can go through the rest of his backpack in depth once we’re back on the surface. All we have to do is wait for the others to get back.”

Looker fished a cigarette out of his trench coat pocket, placing it in between his teeth as he searched for a lighter.

Quenton looked up from where he had taken a seat on the hard stone floor to see him patting himself down in search of a lighter. He reached in his pocket, producing his own.

“Hey, take mine.” He said, tossing the small silver object to the detective.

Looker caught the lighter, flicking it open and raising it to the cigarette. The flame wavered back and forth, licking the end of the cigarette until it glowed with the same intensity as the lighter itself.

As he started to pull the lid closed, Looker froze. The flame had started to shake back and forth. It would dance to the left, and then shoot to the right mere moments later. Soon it was not only the flame shaking, but the very ground itself shivering in short bursts. The shaking was slow and ominous, with seconds that felt like eternities between each tremor.

Quenton jumped up off the ground. “Is that…?”

Looker glanced at Meowstic. The psychic Pokémon let out a low hiss, tensing up. Looker turned back to Quenton. “We need to leave. Now.”

Quenton nodded, sprinting off down the tunnel, away from the incoming tremors. Meowstic followed after him, leaving Looker alone with whatever beast was causing the tremors.

Looker stared into the darkness of the tunnel that the tremors spread out from. How desperately he wanted to know the identity of the beast that had killed a man so brutally! He continued to stare into the depths of the dark tunnel as the tremors came closer. The tremors became quakes as he cracked a smile. He desperately wanted to discover the creature behind the brutal killing, but he valued his life even more. He turned on the spot and sprinted after Quenton and Meowstic, putting as much distance between him and the beast as possible.

“I’ll find out your identity sooner or later.” He mumbled through his cigarette as he ran. “Even if it kills me.”
 
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Interesting. It seems like Real Fear is settling into a bit of a police procedural. You've depicted the murder in a pretty convincing manner; the UB in question (assuming I'm correct) would likely thrash poor Cameron's body around . . . but, if it is that particular UB, wouldn't it just eat his dead body? Or is there something bigger at play?

“Really? It’s been at least 16 hours since we found the body.”
“Yeah, the cavers here on Poni are pretty extreme. They usually spend two or three days at a time in these caves.”

Looks like you didn't space these two sentences out. D:

No, it sounds like something a human would do.” Looker said.

“Absolutely. Whatever did this did it maliciously, for no other reason than to enjoy slaughtering some innocent human.” Quenton said.

I would recommend ending the '"[words]," he said'-type sentences like with a comma: "Whatever did this did it maliciously, for no other reason than to enjoy slaughtering some innocent human," Quenton said. That's the a technical issue that people will point out a lot, so just letting you know! Keep up the good work!
 
As an avid reader of horror literature myself, and finding a disappointing lack of Pokémon stories of that genre, how could I resist reading a story titled Real Fear?

I like the lengths of the chapters. For some stories, I'd like to call them Pokémon Novels, big, sweeping chapters add to the feel, with this story, which almost feels like a serial piece, the short scenes are appropriate. I'd recommend you keep that measured pace, perhaps making them a bit longer once the story starts to unfold.

Now onto the story itself.

I heard Ark suggest that an Ultra Beast is the culprit, and that opens up a lot of different angles in which you can take this story. Things feel like their going a little fast, but once again, I think that may have been for what you were aiming: cut out the fluff, filler, and unnecessary dialogue, to just leave an action packed piece. That kind of leads me to my only real pause so far.

Be careful not to let your horror novel turn into a crime thriller. It's only Chapter Two, and I may be totally off the mark, but the horror element really does give your story a chance to really be unique and it would be a shame if this story lost that to become a murder mystery featuring Looker.

That said, I really am curious just what type of a horror story this will unfold to be. Will it be a sci-fi, gore piece with scenes of Looker slowly winding through the dark corridors of Aether Foundation laboratories honing towards The X-Files, or perhaps something a little more abstract focusing on the immensity of Ultra Space and the horrors of trying to comprehend a monster from another dimension like some H.P. Lovecraft would have written, or perhaps you have something even scarier planned that will leave me totally surprised.

Your opening scene with Cameron being chased by a monster was excellent; there are few emotions more primal than the fear of being pursued by something. You may want to dedicate a little more writing to setting the scene. In a true work of horror the atmosphere itself can almost become a character all on its own, building suspense and contributing to the overall feeling of unease. I'm also curious if, as the story progresses, we'll get to hear more of the characters' thoughts. Showing the reader what the character is seeing is good, but nothing is more delicious in a horror story than getting to see a character's sanity assaulted by the author's terrifying creations.

Regardless, I'll keep my eyes on this story to see just how nicely it will deliver upon its promise of making me feel some real fear.
 
As an avid reader of horror literature myself, and finding a disappointing lack of Pokémon stories of that genre, how could I resist reading a story titled Real Fear?

I like the lengths of the chapters. For some stories, I'd like to call them Pokémon Novels, big, sweeping chapters add to the feel, with this story, which almost feels like a serial piece, the short scenes are appropriate. I'd recommend you keep that measured pace, perhaps making them a bit longer once the story starts to unfold.

Now onto the story itself.

I heard Ark suggest that an Ultra Beast is the culprit, and that opens up a lot of different angles in which you can take this story. Things feel like their going a little fast, but once again, I think that may have been for what you were aiming: cut out the fluff, filler, and unnecessary dialogue, to just leave an action packed piece. That kind of leads me to my only real pause so far.

Be careful not to let your horror novel turn into a crime thriller. It's only Chapter Two, and I may be totally off the mark, but the horror element really does give your story a chance to really be unique and it would be a shame if this story lost that to become a murder mystery featuring Looker.

That said, I really am curious just what type of a horror story this will unfold to be. Will it be a sci-fi, gore piece with scenes of Looker slowly winding through the dark corridors of Aether Foundation laboratories honing towards The X-Files, or perhaps something a little more abstract focusing on the immensity of Ultra Space and the horrors of trying to comprehend a monster from another dimension like some H.P. Lovecraft would have written, or perhaps you have something even scarier planned that will leave me totally surprised.

Your opening scene with Cameron being chased by a monster was excellent; there are few emotions more primal than the fear of being pursued by something. You may want to dedicate a little more writing to setting the scene. In a true work of horror the atmosphere itself can almost become a character all on its own, building suspense and contributing to the overall feeling of unease. I'm also curious if, as the story progresses, we'll get to hear more of the characters' thoughts. Showing the reader what the character is seeing is good, but nothing is more delicious in a horror story than getting to see a character's sanity assaulted by the author's terrifying creations.

Regardless, I'll keep my eyes on this story to see just how nicely it will deliver upon its promise of making me feel some real fear.

Thanks! Two things: The chapters will probably stay about this length, maybe a little longer. Any unfolding that's gonna happen will be very soon, as I never intended this to grow into a long story. at most there'll be six chapters. My guess is it'll end up being five once I've sectioned it all off. Secondly, don't worry, I promise it won't turn into a crime thriller! Chapter two wasn't what the rest of the story will be like, and it'll pick up into scenes more similar to the very first one soon. I should have the next bit up in a day or two, so you can look forward to it then.
 
Chapter 3


“S-stay back! I’m warning you,” the man said. “M-my Machamp isn’t a Pokémon you want to mess with!” The man’s voice was hoarse and shaky, but he held the Pokéball up confidently, as if everything would be okay if he could just keep it raised, that whatever was hiding in the shadowy darkness of the caves would stay away so long as he did not drop his arms.

The man’s partner, Alec, was hiding behind a rock not too far away. Tears rolled down his cheeks. How pathetic, he thought. A grown man, hunched down behind a rock, crying. He let out a morbid laugh. At least I’m not shouting into a tunnel about a Pokémon I don’t have. He peeked over the rock, taking another glimpse at his partner. He was standing in the middle of the tunnel, his hands clutched around nothing but air. You dumbass, you dropped your Machamp’s Pokéball when we first started running from this thing.

Alec ducked back behind the boulder as he heard the scraping of rock on… something. Metal? Bone? More rock? Whatever it was, Alec wasn’t eager to find out.

“I said stay back!” His partner shouted, his voice cracking. He frantically mashed the release on the Pokéball in his hands. “W-why won’t it open?!” He cried, tears freely streaming down his cheeks, splashing onto the cold, stone ground. He looked down at his hands, slapping them against nothing in a futile attempt to open the imaginary Pokéball.

A large, black appendage snaked out of the darkness, inch by inch. The massive, inky black claw at the end of the horrific tentacle slowly made its way towards the still screaming man, its crooked jaws stretching wide.

Alec looked on in horror as the pincer opened wide, casting a dark shadow around his partner, blocking out what little dim light was left. He thought for a moment to try and slip past the beast, to attempt to get away and warn Looker, but whatever creature the pincer belonged to was blocking the way back. His best option was to hide and hope it didn’t find him.

The claw remained still, its jagged edges mere inches from Alec’s partner’s skin. The entire cave was silent save for the sobbing emanating from his partner. The claw twitched, and Alec ducked down behind his rock as the pincer slammed shut.

His partner’s screams echoed through the caves as he writhed and shook within the beast’s inescapable grip. Blood flowed out from the jagged lines that had been gouged into his flesh as the claw squeezed tighter.

Alec put his hands over his ears until the screaming ceased, holding back his tears and cries of fear in an attempt to hide from the beast. He closed his eyes tightly as he heard the claw-tipped tentacle snake its way around the tunnel, searching for any further pray.

Alec let out a sigh of relief as he heard the claw, and the beast it belonged to, turn away and head in the opposite direction. He held still for another agonizing minute before allowing himself the pleasure of opening his eyes.

How he wished he hadn’t. He cried out in shock and agony as the ever-hungry maw of the familiar black claw bit into his flesh just as it had his partner’s a moment before. It was still wet with the blood of its previous victim, and Alec could feel a mixture of blood that was both his own and not his own start to run down his legs. He feebly reached towards his waist with his one free arm, hoping to find his Pokéball there. Yet, all that remained was a scrap of red metal, crushed between the two halves of a giant, death-bringing mouth.

The man tried to sob once more, but found the tears would not come as the tunnels around him started to fade. Whatever this thing was, it had killed his best friend, his only Pokémon, and he himself within minutes. Alec looked into the darkness from which the tentacle emerged, catching sight of two glowing pinpricks of light.

“Eyes…” Alec muttered. “Cold, blue eyes…” He laughed weakly. ‘How strange is that… what a horrible twist of fate that this monster would have such a beautiful eye color.” He muttered.

Alec laughed once more, and then screamed as the claw squeezed tighter once more.


XXX


Looker slumped down next to Quenton, breathing heavily.

“I think… We managed to get away…” Quenton muttered, his chest rising and falling heavily. Looker nodded, slipping a bottle of water out from under his coat. He took a swig and offered the bottle to Quenton, who took it and drank eagerly. “You think the other two got into any trouble with that thing?” He asked, wiping water from his chin.

“Alec and Ross? I hope not.” Looker took the water bottle back and took another swig. “Although, knowing Alec, if they did he’ll have something stupidly poetic to say about it.”

“Well, if they survived,” Quenton said grimly.

“Yeah, if they survived,” Looker repeated. He put the water bottle on the ground and stared at it, half expecting the liquid remaining in it to start quaking.

After a few seconds, the water remained motionless and Looker sighed.

“We need to get out of here. This is a job for people who’ve been trained to fight.” He planted his hands on the ground, pushing himself up.

Quenton stood up as well. “I agree. Let’s get out of here.”

The two men set off down the tunnel ahead of them, walking slowly. Looker’s meager flashlight did little in the way of brightening up the area, so for the most part they walked in near darkness.

“Y’know,” Quenton said, breaking the silence that had held as they walked, “This kinda reminds me of something that happened when I was young.”
“Oh? What happened?”

Quenton took a deep breath. “When I was just a little kid, around eight, the small town I was living in was attacked.”

Looker turned to look at him, his interest piqued. “Attacked? By what?”

“That’s the thing, I never figured it out, and I don’t think anyone else did either. They were mostly concerned with damage to the town and injuries to the townspeople though, so they didn’t exactly investigate.”

“I understand. Did you happen to see what attacked ever?” Looker asked.

“Yeah, I caught a glimpse or two. It was huge, probably three or four stories tall, and completely pale green in color. It moved pretty slowly, but I remember it raising this huge, tube-like… Well, I suppose it was an arm. Anyways, it raised an arm and there was a huge flash of light, and then most of the town had caught fire.” Quenton glanced behind him. “It left pretty soon after that, so not many people were hurt. There was a lot of property damage, though.”

“I can’t say I’ve ever heard of a Pokémon like that,” Looker said.

Quenton shook his head. “Neither can I, aside from the one time. That’s why this whole situation reminds me of it.”

Looker nodded. “I can see why. Now, let’s get out of here.”
 
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A very nice use of the cold, still darkness of the cave to convey the desolation that Alec must have been feeling in his last moments.
 
(A/N: Sorry for the slight hiatus. I was visiting some extended family and didn’t want writing to eat up all my time. Thanks for understanding.)

Chapter 4

Looker froze, suddenly highly alert. He put a hand on Quenton’s shoulder, pulling him back against the cave wall.

“Did you hear something?” Quenton whispered, his eyes wide.

Looker nodded, peering back into the darkened tunnel. They stood stock still, pressed against the tunnel wall for what seemed like ages before Looker let a breath of relief flow from his body.

“I’m getting too paranoid…” Looker muttered.

Quentin shook his head. “I’d rather you be overly suspicious than dead, so it’s fine by me.” The two resumed their cautious trek through the tunnels, slowly inching closer to the surface with every step.

“Hey, Looker?” Quentin said.

“Hmm?”

“What do you think this thing is?”

Looker thought for a moment. “I’m not exactly sure, but I’m pretty confident it’s no Pokémon I’ve ever heard of.”

Quenton nodded. “I was thinking the same. Maybe it is a new type of Pokémon. That’d be pretty cool to be known for discovering a new Pokémon, even if it did try to kill us.”

Looker laughed, relishing the light hearted moment amidst all the terror. “It would be pretty amazing, wouldn’t it? Although technically that honor probably goes to Mr. Cameron Hills, I believe.”

Quenton chuckled. “I guess it does.”

The walk continued in silence for some minutes before Quenton spoke up again.

“Looker?”

“What is it?”

Quenton sighed. “Do you think we’re going to die down here?”

Looker stopped walking and shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat. “That depends on whether or not you think there’s still a chance for us to reach the surface,” he said, staring up at rocky ceiling.

“And what do you think?” Quenton asked.

Looker sighed. “I think there’s definitely still hope, as long as we get lucky and don’t run straight into this thing.”

Quenton nodded. “Right. Let’s hope luck’s on our side, then.”

The words had barely slipped past his lips when the ground started to shake with slow, separated tremors. The walls rumbled and groaned as loose dirt and pebbles started to cascade onto the floor, signaling the familiar approach of something dangerous. The whole tunnel seemed to shift with each booming footfall from the beast, seemingly sinking down even further in to the earth after every tremor. It was as if the tunnel was warning them of the futility of their flight.

Looker glanced behind him. “Looks like luck wants to toy with us a bit,” he said breathlessly. “Let’s go.” Looker set off running, with Quenton trailing close behind.

“Y’know,” Quenton huffed, “At one point I considered waiting to see what it looks like before running. Funnily enough, my body wouldn’t let me stay put.”

Looker laughed, breathing heavily from his mad sprint. “How amusing. I had the same thought at first. Yet here we both are, running at the slightest sign of it.”

They both let out a mad laugh, the sounds of their cackles filling the tunnels as they sprinted on.

Quenton smiled grimly between chuckles. “I’ve got no idea why I find this situation so funny!” He shouted.

Looker snorted. “I’d like to imagine this is an accurate scenario for the term, ‘scared silly’.”


XXX


Looker and Quenton collapsed to the ground, quiet chuckles still occasionally gracing their lips.

“I think we’ve shaken it,” Looker said, gasping for air. “At least, I hope so. I couldn’t run if I wanted to at the moment.”

Quenton huffed, trying to catch his breath. “Nor can I. Maybe this back and forth between us and it really is futile.”

Looker shook his head. “Perhaps it is, but it sure as hell won’t stop me from trying to get out of here. I’ve got plans that don’t involve my blood staining these walls.”

Quenton let out a final laugh. “I suppose that’s one way to put it, albeit a little poetic.”

Looker smiled darkly. “Dammit, Alec, you’ve got me speaking in the same prose you do.”

Quenton stared at the ground dumbly. “Do you think that Alec and Ross are dead?”

Looker was silent. It wasn't a question he wanted to answer.

“Well? Looker, answer me,” Quentin said, his voice strained. It was clear that the constant banter between the two men was the last strand of sanity keeping Quenton from snapping.

Looker was quiet for a moment longer. “I don’t know. I hope not. I didn’t really know Ross, but Alec was a good friend. I’d like to be able to grab a beer with him again.”

Quentin sighed. “Hah, I’d sure like a beer or two right now. Or six.”

Looker chuckled. “You didn’t exactly strike me as an alcohol guy, Quenton.”

“Eh, I drink occasionally. I’ll definitely need a cold one after this, though. Care to join me once we’re out of here?”

“Absolutely.” Looker picked up a pebble and rolled it around in his palm. “We should probably start walking again. Don’t want that thing to catch up to us.”


XXX


Kyle Keehan ducked down behind a large boulder, palming a Pokéball that was slick with sweat. He glanced down at the Pokédex in his other hand, waiting information on the Pokémon that’d been pursuing him.

“What? No data? What the hell?” He exclaimed. The Pokédex said that the only Pokémon that lived in the caves were Golbat and Dugtrio, with the occasional Boldore. Whatever it was chasing him, it was a hell of a lot bigger than any of those.

Kyle took a deep breath, wiping his shoulder length dirty blonde hair out of his eyes. This was nothing to panic about. He’d been in all sorts of unexplainable and dangerous situations. What kind of thrillseeker would he be if he let this rattle him? He tossed the Pokéball out into the center of the tunnel, and a red, humanoid bug type appeared in a blinding flash of white light.

“Scizor! I don’t have a clue what this thing is! Stay back and let it come to you!” He called out. This thing could be dangerous, and there wasn’t a chance in hell he would let his Pokémon get seriously injured just because he couldn’t be patient.

The claw he’d glimpsed before slithered out of the pitch dark tunnel. The way it moved was angular and unnatural, and it sent shivers down Kyle’s spine. It crept up to Scizor, its movements slow and methodical. Even in full sight, it was still stalking its prey. It slithered up until it was less than a meter away from Scizor, and froze.

It wasn’t the only thing that froze. Time itself seemed to stop. Kyle stared at the motionless claw and his own motionless Pokémon. It was a battle of will at this point. Whatever was in control of the claw obviously wasn’t used to its prey facing it, and it wanted to toy with this interesting new situation.

The claw drifted to the left, and Scizor mirrored its movements. The claw drifted back to the right, and once again, Scizor followed suit. The claw drifted back, and Scizor took a step forward.

Then, suddenly, the beast grew tired of the game it’d been playing. The claw stretched open wide in the blink of an eye and twitched towards Scizor at lightning speed.

“U-turn!” Kyle yelled out the move the moment the claw’s movement registered in his brain. Scizor’s pincer-like claws glowed purple, as it slammed its claw-fists into the open claw. The widening jaw recoiled, attempting to snap shut on the bug Pokémon, but Scizor had already retreated. The claw writhed angrily and slammed into the wall, cracking the tunnel’s ceiling.

“Okay, it’s time to go,” Kyle said, a hint of fear creeping into his voice. The beast had barely been fazed by Scizor’s attack. He jumped up from his hiding spot and dashed down the tunnel, with Scizor close behind him. The claw surged forward, and angry screech coming from whatever was shrouded in the darkness behind it.

“Okay Scizor, let’s get out of here,” he said, his voice starting to shake. “Tailwind, please!” As he gave the command, Scizor scooped him up into its arms and an artificial wind kicked up behind them, propelling the bug type down the tunnel.

Kyle looked back as the creature disappeared from view, sighing in relief.

“Jesus. I hope Cameron hasn’t run into this thing.”
 
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Officer Julian Graves tossed the sweaty spelunker a bottle of water and took a seat in front of him. The spelunker took a long swig, and then, still panting, looked over the Officer Graves’ getup.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Graves started, “But I assure you, I wouldn’t be in full riot gear unless we were sure it was necessary.”

The spelunker pushed his long, dirty blonde hair away from his face. “I don’t doubt that, I saw the thing down there and I was scared as all hell. I’m a bit shocked I managed to keep it together, to be honest. Did it really get Cameron?”

Graves frowned, adjusting his body’s position. Full gear didn’t make it easy to stay seated for long. “We won’t know for sure until the examination team returns from the caves, but if you claim the description fits your caving partner…”

“Then it probably is him,” Kyle finished. He smiled grimly. “Well, at least there’s no one to break the bad news to. He doesn’t have any family left that gives two shits about ‘em,” Kyle said morbidly.

Officer Graves frown curled into a grimace. “I’m sorry about your friend, but if you encountered the creature that killed him down there, that means our team may have run into it as well.”

“So, are you gonna go down in there and try and kill the thing?”

Graves shook his head. “Too risky. This thing is highly dangerous, and I can’t afford to split up what few men I have to search the caves. Besides, Looker’s in charge here and he has us set up here just in case anyone or anything makes their way topside.” Graves turned his head and squinted into the gaping tunnel entrance behind him. “I just hope to God they’re alright down there.”


XXX


Looker and Quenton were anything but alright. The cave shook around them, the miniature tremors more frantic and more frequent than ever before.

“This thing isn’t gonna stop until it’s killed us, is it Looker?” Quenton’s voice was strained and cracking. He was clearly terrified.

Looker didn’t answer. “Keep running,” he commanded stoically, trying his hardest to keep a similar strain out of his own voice.

Quenton nodded, blinking away the tears forming in his eyes. The two kept running, the tremors growing louder and more ferocious with each passing moment.

Looker stole a glance over his shoulder, but all that could be seen behind them was blackness. “It’s got to be close, but why can’t I see anything?” Looker muttered.

“Looker!” Quenton called out, huffing tiredly. “I- I can’t run much longer!”

Looker cursed. “Just keep it up! We’ll lose it soon!”

The words hadn’t yet fully left his lips when a monstrous black claw whipped out of the seemingly artificial darkness behind them and slammed into the wall behind them. Rubble shot out in all directions, pebbles stinging Looker’s face and neck as he dived around the sharp corner into an intersecting tunnel. Quenton let out a cry of mixed anguish and terror as a large fragment of rock struck him in the back, forcing him to the ground. Looker peered out from around the corner, watching the scene unfold in shock.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl as Quenton fell to his knees. As the deafening clatter of shattering rocks fell away, complete and utter silence took its place. The shadowy pincer stayed motionless, pressed against the wall. The rest of Quenton’s body hit the floor amidst a cascade of leftover pebbles from the pincer’s collision with the wall. The motionlessness stretched on for what seemed like minutes upon minutes. Quenton did not utter a word as Looker stared on in horror.

“Looker…” Quenton muttered weakly, attempting to rise to his hands and knees as he feebly tried to support his own body weight. He collapsed back to the ground, returning once again to silence.

The claw detached itself from the wall and reared back, studying the motionless body before it. It snaked its way around the fallen medical examiner, coming close to him but never making contact. It seemed unsure of what was unfolding, unsure of how to react.

Looker realized in horror what the claw was doing. It had most likely never seen any of its victims react quite like this before, and it was intrigued by the motionless body before it.

“It’s… intelligent,” Looker whispered to himself, his fear slowly mixing with a combination of amazement and curiosity. “It’s not a mindless killing machine, it’s starkly aware of what’s going on around it.” He choked back a laugh. “God, I’m so screwed.”

The creature finally made contact with Quenton’s motionless body, nudging him gently. It started to withdraw from him, seemingly bored of its motionless prey, but then suddenly snapped back to him lighting quick.

Quentin had twitched. It was only the slightest movement of his arm, but it had renewed the beast’s interest. Quenton lifted his head, staring directly at Looker. His eyes were once again bright and lit up, but it wasn’t a light of happiness or hope or joy or even fear.

It was a light of madness.

His eyes were wide open, but his pupils were the size of pinpricks. They darted around, trying to take in everything all at once.

“Looker!” He said, halfway between a cry and a shout. “I- I can see it!”

Looker squinted at him. See what? There was nothing to see other than the claw looming behind him.

“The the cave’s entrance! Our our way! It’s right over there there there!” Words spilled out of Quenton’s mouth incoherently, some words coming out more times than necessary, some not coming at all.

Looker glanced over at the place Quenton seemed to be staring at, but there was nothing but a blank wall. Tears started to form in his eyes as he stood up from his crouching position and prepared to resume his sprint to the entrance. He must have been just barely holding on, moments away from snapping since the very first encounter.

“Dammit, kid,” he muttered. “If you’d only held it together for a few more seconds…” He took a deep breath. He didn’t need to cloud his mind worrying about what could’ve happened. That would just take him one step closer to the sort of babble spilling out of Quenton’s mouth.

“C’mon Looker L-L-Lookerrrr! It’s so so close!” The deranged husk of a mind that Looker had started to think of as friend writhed on the ground as the claw stretched itself out, it’s bloodstained maw opening wide. Quenton started to laugh. “We’re gonna live, we’re gonna l-live, we’re gonna lisshveeearggh!”

The man’s cackles turned to wet, gurgling chokes as the pincer slammed closed, flooding his throat with his own blood. Tears streamed freely down both his and Looker’s faces. The claw opened just a fraction of an inch, and then squeezed shut once more, ripping a choked scream from the young medical examiner’s lips.

Looker turned away and started to run as Quenton’s strange cries filled the tunnel. He had seen many a gruesome deaths in his career, but somehow, this one hurt him the most. He could feel the tight squeeze of the monstrous appendage as if it was clamped around his own body as he sprinted down the tunnel. Tears clouded his vision further and further as everything seemed to slow down to a stop. Everything suddenly silenced, and all Looker could hear was the sound of his own heart beating.

There was a final thump of blood rushing through his veins, and then the world blinked into darkness.


XXX


Looker sat alone at the hardwood table, staring at the can of beer in front of him.

He didn’t remember much after his last few moments in the cave. He’d been told he stumbled out of the cave deliriously, not saying a word to anyone for a whole two days. He was told he didn’t eat, and that they had to force water down his throat.

What he did remember was the three months of constant mental and physical therapy that started some weeks after the ordeal. He’d managed to severely injure his leg making his way out of the cave, and still had trouble walking for more than a good ten feet without something to steady himself on. This was the first time in months he’d been on his own for more than a few moments. The myriad of nurses and therapists had finally left him the privacy of his own home and taken their monitors and machines with them, and he chose to sit at the kitchen table at stare at a can of alcohol. What a wonderfully poetic waste of his time.

He continued to stare at the can in front of him. The International Police had forced him into medical leave, even after his therapy ended. They claimed they were giving him time to recover, but he’d rather be doing anything than sitting at home with time for his mind to wander. For the first time in his life, Looker wanted paperwork to keep him busy.

He weakly lifted a hand and placed it around the beer, letting the icy feeling flow through his fingertips and into his hand. He pulled the can towards him and dug a fingernail under the tab, opening it with a satisfying pop.

“Here’s to that drink…” He muttered, tossing back the can. He let out a sigh as he pulled the can from his lips. It was noticeably lighter. He put it back up to his lips and smiled grimly, his unshaved face wrinkling under the smile that was so rare now. “Guess I’ll have to finish it for ya, you poor bastard.”


Real Fear


The End




A quick note to all my readers- This ending wasn’t exactly what you would call satisfying. (If it was, let me know because that means I suck at what I’m attempting to do here.) That’s because I didn’t want it to be. This is an unhappy story, so why give it an ending that people would be perfectly happy with? I’m tossin’ you that same dose of unhappiness and regret that Looker ends up with. You probably feel like you were cheated out of a good ending, because I felt like that was what I was doing: cheating you out of a good ending. You probably weren’t expecting a necessarily triumphant or happy ending, but you probably didn’t picture what you just read.

What you just read was Looker’s life sucking. Hard. I wanted to try and do this, make the ending something different, I mean. Something that would make people think, “Damn, that kinda pisses me off. You can’t just end like that!” (Well, if you are thinking that, too bad, I just did.) I don’t know why I wanted to, but I did want to. Sorry if it wasn’t the best.

Thanks for reading my little rant. This story is closed and signed. Who knows, maybe it’ll have a shot in the next round of awards! I’ll have it archived in a few weeks, so until then enjoy it here in the place people still browse.


-UselessBytes
 
Hello there! Here for the Review Game, but also a very belated welcome to the forums!

Firstly, I like the nature of the story. It's so rare we get scary stories on the site, so it's nice to see people branching out. I think you could've shaken up the nature of the monster's appearance (it sort of did the same thing whenever it appeared) but I like how it's true nature was never really revealed and kept vague so we don't know exactly what Pokemon it is.

For a (potentially?) new-ish writer, there was some really good description and language scattered throughout the story. The first chapter really painted a picture in only a few words of what Cameron was going through and the horror of the situation, which contrasted nicely with the more restrained, procedural half with Looker as he begins investigating the crime. The scene was probably my favourite of the story, as most fiction with Looker tends to skip over those more realistic police elements.

For next time, I think the biggest thing to work on is the dialogue. It was fine in most of the story, but in Chapter Four, the interchange between Looker and Quenton felt a bit stitled/unrealistic. There were a lot of cliches there and it came across as though it was written in a rush. I also thought that every character laughing in the face of terror was a bit odd and kind of distracted me from the horror nature of it. I think if you want to show terror, having them laughing doesn't really convey that.

I think it also might be worth getting a beta reader or someone to look over the story, just as there are a few grammatical errors here and there. The most prevalent issue was the full stop at the end of the dialogue. If it goes ' "blah blah blah," Looker said ', you need a comma before the second quotation mark, not a full stop. That's something I didn't really realise until late in my writing career and now spread the word hoping to correct other people!

Ultimately, I think this was an intriguing story. I think it was the right length and had the right amount of horror in it, it just needed the dialogue to flow a bit better to really maintain the reader's attention. I think your description is your strong point, and you should work on putting more of that into the story.
 
I got to read this story for the awards and I honestly don’t regret it. We don’t usually see horror stories in the workshop and usually they’re not quite well done.

Right off the bat you do something that every good horror movie does, you set up the thing that’s going to be scaring us. Chapter 1’s cold open with the monster chasing its first unknowing victim is a great way to starts things off as it quickly throws us for a loop on what actually is going on and what’s attacking him.

You then introduce us to Looker and Quenton, our two protagonists, and the way you treat things as a case for the International Police gives it a kind of detective and mystery vibe. Of course the two proceed to get trapped in the cave with the monster and then have to start running for their lives.

Right off the bat I’ll say that what stood out to me most in the story where the scenes with tension, you’re really great at getting into the character’s head and selling us the fear and inevitability of the situation. This stands out most of all in chapter 4 when you focus on the two other InterPol agents that Looker sent off and then later at the end of that chapter when Cameron’s friend manages to fend off the monster by a hair.

These scenes, as well as Quenton’s and Looker’s own scenes with the monster, are sold because no matter how strong anyone is outwardly or how many Pokemon they have, in the face of Real Fear they all crumble. It’s kind of a cynic point of view, but I think it’s one that’s inherent to horror stories and you focusing on it fits well. Plus, you do have to get points for managing to do this with Pokemon, something that most people usually say would make any scary situation easier to deal with.

The ending in chapter 5 with Looker didn’t shock me too much to be honest. In fact, I expected a full bad end with everyone dying and the monster living to hunt another day. But thinking about it, it’s also not uncommon for protagonists in horror stories to make it alive but traumatized, in a way it’s worse to live with the fear of what’s out there than it is to just get killed after all.

Now that I’ve talked about the good, I want to take some time to address the issues I noticed with the story. While your description is pretty quick and snappy and you have a nice flow that keeps the reader engaged, you also kind of fall a bit in the case of setting. The whole story takes place in a cave, which gives it an added claustrophobic feeling that really sells the idea of being trapped with a monster, but there’s not much description of the surroundings and at the end of the day it just becomes a series of people running around in tunnels.

Another complain I have is the characters. Ignoring the fact that they all eventually go super mad all of a sudden, something that comes off as a bit melodramatic and actually kind of eerily funny, they don’t have much in the room of personality. Sure, they have some interesting aspects, but they mostly stick to basic character concepts and their interactions and personality kind of mesh together. In fact, I’d even say you throw quite a few obvious death flags in regards to Quenton and Looker with their interactions.

The other thing I wanted to point out was the end. The story starts off well, with a set up that doesn’t waste too much time and a good introduction to its characters. Unfortunately, once things gets going its length starts to show. The story is only five chapters long and this comes off more in the last two when we just go through two more attacks with characters that we don’t really know and then just kind of end things with Looker and Quenton. We don’t get to know any other characters in detail and the ones we do know we know very little of.

I know you have other stories after this and I do want to give them a read, but for now I’ll say anyways that the next time you want to do a horror story you should focus on developing and crafting the characters better. After all, what we care about in horror stories is to watch the characters come out of it alive, but we can’t care if we don’t really know them now can we?

Regardless, you still deserve props for trying out with a horror story and you did it pretty well. I’ll definitely look forward to reading your other works.
 
Here for the awards review. Apologies for lateness and not being terribly in depth, I have issues getting words out my mind onto paper.

This story fits well into the horror genre, but it also definitely seems like this is a first time story. It can seem a little forced at times. There is a lot of dialogue throughout, and little in the way of other description. Almost all of the descriptive parts you either had just a sentence or two, or relied on prior knowledge. You don't actually explain Looker at all, it all relies on readers knowing enough about him before. I did enjoy the suspenseful part. While reading, I manged to hope just enough for the characters, but then had those hopes dashed. I know you said the ending wasn't very satisfying, but it was done very well for that. It being rather abrupt works well within the confines of the story. This was a good story and I hope to see more from you!
 
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