TEEN: The Long Walk

[chaos_Leader]

Alright, dammit, I've put this off long enough...

*Downs a glass of tequila.*

*Reads.*

*Downs a glass of proper Scotch instead.*

A few –probably not unfamiliar things to you at this point– really catch my attention in The Long Walk.

The first thing that caught my attention was how technically and stylistically solid the writing is, and how consistent this is throughout. It's not got that gradual uphill climb of developing authorial finesse that a lot of long-running works tend to have, or at least, it's a much gentler slope. In any case, it relieves a huge potential headache I usually expect to contend with in long-runners, namely: slogging through a mess of awkward early chapters to get to the good stuff. Not here: it's all, from a readability perspective, good stuff from beginning to now. Good on you for that!

That's all well-and-good, being able to earnestly enjoy the entirety of the story, rather than being forced to strap on my wellingtons and arduously mud-wade to the "good part," but what of the story itself? I'm glad I asked!

The second thing that caught my attention, surprise surprise, is how absolutely British, no, English, you've decided to make this particular area of the Pokémon world. It's like you said very early on: you're writing what you know, and you know England very, very well. But you already know this, it shows, and you make no apology for sticking to it. I personally still stick to the Japanese aesthetic of the area when I write it, but then again, I've studied the Japanese language and visited the country, living with a Japanese host family while I was there ( ちょっと日本語わかります。). That being said, as both a past visitor to England on several occasions and an appreciator of English/British media, you damn-well nailed it. Of course you did! You live there, and have to deal with all its Englishness on a daily basis. It does however make me as a reader have to consider your setting in a different light than a lot of stories that try to stay closer to the original aesthetics. Rather than thinking about Kanto/Jhoto/Hoenn/Sinoh as allegories of Japan, its now allegories of England, and from Eve's comment about Fjords in Sinoh I can guess Nordic? I've actually come up with some ideas for a Pokémon region based on Britain/England/Scotland/Wales/Ireland/etc. that I hope to use sometime in the future. You can fairly safely bet your arse where I'll be referencing for information when the time comes.

"Get on with it!" shouted the angry crowd from that Monty Python skit.

Right! The Story itself. How did I like it? Well I liked it by reading it for starters. *is slightly regretting that Scotch from earlier* *takes another swig anyway*

In all seriousness though, it's pretty damn good, and I don't throw that phrase around lightly. Even with a glass of good Scotch (or sometimes because of it), I can usually pick out one or two or twenty things that really bug me or make me concerned. Dammit, I'm gonna struggle to find so much as minor niggles and quibbles to complain about, seriously...

Story-structure wise, it's fairly straightforward basic frame of the Badge-quest. The heart of the story though, the driving force, is of course the chemistry between Josh and Eve. Not that the other characters are done badly (they aren't, by the way), it simply seems they exist by and large as props and foils to Eve and Josh and the thing they got going. Also, I sometimes rag on to other writers when I review that the story feels like its missing a central thread to tie it together, that isn't the case here. Rather than an external threat to drive the story, it's an internal pressure having to do with the developments between Eve and Josh, and it does this beautifully I might add. Rather than focusing in solely on the two principal characters of the ship (it's kind of a shipping fic, okay?) to the exclusion of all else, the two principal characters are observed in the full context of their setting, with all manner of tributary characters, subplots and struggles for them to work with. It's the way a good, enjoyable romance story ought to be.

Opiniony things!

*glances at the notes I took*

Eh, mostly apparently the notes I jotted down were specific instances that helped me draw the conclusions I've already mentioned, but hey, this is a review and gosh darnit I'm gonna be thorough with it.

- The Black Knight scene from Monty Python– I mean at the bridge in the forest: yeah kinda silly, absurdly English. But it's in that kind of endearingly shameless way that Monty Python and the like can get away with: not an easy kind of humor to pull off effectively, which you do. It crops up throughout the story here and there to varying degrees, but that instance was the most blatant and easy to pinpoint unambiguously.

- The incident with Maisie/Ninetails and the shrine was a particularly poignant segment in my mind. F0r basic starters, it introduces some of the Shinto elements of the base Pokémon setting back into you Anglo-Pokémon concoction. It also in my mind codifies and secures the romantic two-character chemistry formula that is the driving force of this story. It's really at its best when Eve/Josh are dealing with all the awkwardness of them being them.

- Speaking of which, bringing us up to speed in the latest of story developments: I can only see the inevitable, impending doom of the whole "Josh dresses in drag to compete in an all-girls' tournament with Eve" situation. It's practically Shakespearean in its formula right now, like one of the gender-swap disguise plots of the comedies, like As You Like It, or Twelfth Night. I just know something is gonna happen in the next few chapters that drops the veil, that kills the ruse, that ups the jig, and its gonna be that awkward train-wreck that is comedic gold.

Ah but there's the rub of it now. Now that you've set standards high, so are the expectations. Can your future work live up to what others now expect of you? No pressure though. You got this.

 

[GastlyGibus]

I've been putting this off because I'm lazy, but oh well. I had the honor of reading this for the judging, and these are my thoughts.

The very first thing I notice is the style. Now, I'm nothin' but a filthy yankee, so I have no idea what a regular conversation over the pond would sound like, but... in my opinion, the style is probably the story’s one true weak point. It’s not that it’s a ‘bad’ style, but it’s… unfitting, I suppose? It’s overly flowery and grandiose for the type of story that this is. I’d expect this kind of writing from high-class fantasy novels like Lord of the Rings, but for a pokèmon story, it just doesn’t seem to mesh well. Characters randomly switch to speaking olden English and modern at a moments notice, for no apparent reason. Again, I don't know if this is a cultural difference, but it seems very odd to me nonetheless. I understand this is more of a personal preference than anything, and like I said, it isn’t bad by any means. In other genres of stories, this kind of writing would be excellent, but for this type of story, it doesn’t fit.

My second complaint is with the characters... or rather, character, singular. I'm talking about Josh. Despite having several chapters written about him, I still feel like there’s something in Joshua that is missing. While certainly he has shown some moments of depth, this far in, I still find him lacking in a deeper complexity. He’s methodical, calculated, and usually has a cool head about him, but he’s not without a bit of apprehension and anxiety regarding his skills. While it’s a good starting point, I feel like considering how much screen-time he’s had, it should be more. We’ve explored a bit about his past, but that’s only a piece of the larger puzzle of what makes him him. Playing along from his depth, from chapter one to where we’re at now at chapter twenty-four, I feel as though Joshua hasn’t changed much at all. It’s as if nothing happened at all in the timespan between chapters, but we know that isn’t the case, clearly. He still seems like the same exact character from chapter one, if that makes sense?

The simplest way for me to state it is this: Joshua is just boring. While he does have the quirks and oddities to keep him from being completely overshadowed, it’s not enough to draw the readers in; it’s not enough to keep the readers wanting more. While obviously nobody wants to read about a Mary-Sue who has no issues and wins every battle, at the same time, being just the average Joe who just so happens to be a trainer isn't particularly thrilling for me. He has room for growth, but with the length of the story, some of that growth should have already manifested.

Overall, the story is good. It’s somewhat typical of a journey fic, but it has just the right amount of originality and personal charm that separates it from the myriad of other stories of its type. The story has good pacing, the plot isn’t heavy-handed nor light, no morals or lessons being shoved in your face, no forced or contrived plot-points, and the progression and chapters all fit nicely with one another.

With regards to the setting, most authors like to stick with what’s in the games and leave it at that. But this is what I really, really like about this story. You do a superb job of describing the pokèmon world in a realistic sense, adding in completely new locations, describing them vivdly, and making the whole region seem more alive. It’s all done in a way that makes the world seem big, much bigger than the games, as it would be if it were real, and it’s well done. Cities are described with the right amount of detail, not too much or too little, and the whole place just seems… real. The world-building is the best aspect of the story, and I recall reading somewhere that this is something you practice by taking walks and viewing your surroundings? If that is the case, it's definitely paid off here, so kudos to that!

The battles and description are very well done, and I love how you imagine them in writing. I myself have a very hard time writing battle scenes, so seeing good, well-written ones is always inspiring to me. You pull it off very well.

Technically speaking, there really isn't much to say here. Your grammar is nearly perfect, and despite my issues with the style, technically speaking, there are no discernible errors or incongruities. The only thing holding this back from being completely perfect is the use of italics for character’s thoughts. It happens quite frequently in the middle of paragraphs, making the reader a bit unsure of whose internal dialogue we are reading.

Now then, I don't want to keep rambling and make this post any longer than it has to be, so in conclusion...

To tell the complete, honest truth, I wasn't particularly fond of this story. Don't get me wrong, it's not that the story is bad. It's certainly leaps and bounds better than the drivel that tries to pass itself off as writing in the pokemon fanfiction realm. There are definitely a lot of moments that are well done; the writing is clean and nearly free of errors, the characters aren't half bad, and for a journey fic, it's a nice breath of fresh air. Certainly better than the typical journey fics with protagonists that have shiny starters and dominate every battle they ever have, and for what this story accomplishes, it accomplishes with flying colors.

The problem for me is that it lacks pizzazz. A certain “wow" factor that's needed. For all the good things it has, there wasn't much that got me particularly excited; no moments that had me at the edge of my seat or made me unable to put it down. For what it does well, it does well, but at its core, it needs something more. While not cliche, at the end of the day, it didn't strike me as more than a very well-written journey fic. It has tremendous potential, and from reading it, I can tell you can pull it off.

I hope that rambling makes sense. It really isn't a bad story at all, and I'll definitely be keeping an eye on it in the future to see what happens with it.

P.S. Meowth is my favorite pokèmon in this story. I want to see more of him.

 

[Beth Pavell]

First of all, to my regular readers, I do apologise, I know that Twenty Five is taking a while. I am still trying to get it done as fast as I can

In the meantime, a few responses:

The world-building is the best aspect of the story, and I recall reading somewhere that this is something you practice by taking walks and viewing your surroundings? If that is the case, it's definitely paid off here, so kudos to that!

I did say that somewhere, I think it was in that Academy article I did. In hindsight that sounds a bit grandiose - but in any case, yes, I do like to pay attention to the apparently ordinary world. It saves an awful lot of time when it comes to getting started on description since I'll usually at least have an idea of what I want to look up before I try to describe it. And incidentally:

The battles and description are very well done, and I love how you imagine them in writing. I myself have a very hard time writing battle scenes, so seeing good, well-written ones is always inspiring to me. You pull it off very well.

Whew, because I always have a devil of a time with the battle writing. I'm never really sure that I get away with it - truth be told, I haven't really written a battle I've really been confident about since Eve's Gym Battle way back in Chapter Ten

The first thing that caught my attention was how technically and stylistically solid the writing is, and how consistent this is throughout. It's not got that gradual uphill climb of developing authorial finesse that a lot of long-running works tend to have, or at least, it's a much gentler slope.

I suspect that's probably because I get so easily obsessed with polishing up earlier chapters. I'm still at it now, and shouldn't be, since there's Chapter Twenty Five to do. It's nice to know that it is paying off, those first five chapters being the bane of this story.

It does however make me as a reader have to consider your setting in a different light than a lot of stories that try to stay closer to the original aesthetics. Rather than thinking about Kanto/Jhoto/Hoenn/Sinoh as allegories of Japan, its now allegories of England, and from Eve's comment about Fjords in Sinoh I can guess Nordic?

I think that the fandom has a habit of making too much of the basis of each region. People keep making statements like: "Kalos is France", and really, I don't think they stack up at all. Long ramble short, I think "inspired by" is a more accurate sort of phrase than "based on". Anyway, the way I see it, doing a Japanese Johto is an entirely legitimate way to go, but then so is any other kind. There's a lot of empty space to fill in, and a lot of culturally generic locations.

That being said - and you've more than likely noticed this - I've made an attempt to blend some aspects of Japan and England. The baths, the cherry trees, the indigenous religion, none of those are entirely Japanese nor entirely English. Oh, and as far as the Sinnoh concept is concerned, I have the idea that it would be partly Nordic, partly Scottish - sort of like how Scottish culture in the real world ended up with a Norse influences.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Chapter Twenty Five – Evelina's Anvil (Version 1.0)

Joshua​

The first defeat of the Quarter Finals had been a near-complete rout. The beautiful, indolent Casey Lynwood and her friend Morgan had been unlucky enough to face off against Lovelace and Winters; Josh had listened to the battle as it broadcast live on the radio, trying to revise strategy and take notes on the battle at the same time. Morgan's shock and awe tactics had fizzled, mercilessly dissected and destroyed. Good. Such wooden-headed, brutal tactics ought to fail, Josh felt.

Now he was waiting with Eve in the trainer's tunnel at Bywater Amphitheatre, waiting to start their battle against Sister Ginnie and Sister Mara. The double doors in front of them would soon open onto the Amphitheatre battlefield; the dull roar of muffled crowd noise filtered through. Josh took a calming breath, though he didn't really need to. He was actually feeling quite calm, about the imminent battle at least. Battles were straightforward. Being Melissa, on the other hand – he arched his back, almost automatically. These damn tits … He was finding himself resenting them more and more. The weight of them on his chest felt subtly wrong, somehow.

Josh discreetly observed Eve out the corner of his eye. She'd been unusually quiet all morning.

“You ready for this?” he asked casually – carefully, unsure what kind of mood she was in.

It seemed to take a moment for his question to sink in. “What? Er. I'm always ready!” she declared with a false hearty laugh.

“Eevee,” Josh said gently.

“Um,” Eve said, haltingly. She glanced away as if embarrassed. “A bit scared.”

Hmm. That was a difficult admission for Eve. Now that he stopped to think about it, he'd never seen Eve nervous about anything. Except, perhaps, that one time in Azalea Town. Perhaps that was by design – wanting to be seen as the strong, cool-headed Joy, focused and determined while her male battle-companion tried to quash his nerves. Perhaps that was a matter of pride, unconsciously trying to prove something to her mother. Well, he understood something about that kind of pride. That blasted Glasswater fiasco …

That was a lot of “perhaps”. He took another calming breath. He couldn't let her down, not in this.

“That's rather how I feel whenever I battle you,” he said, matter-of-factly.

Eve gave him a strange look, blended surprise and disbelief. If she intended to reply she was immediately distracted by a reserved peal of chimes.

The tunnel doors were opening.

*​

The ebullient mood in the Amphitheatre seemed to press down on Josh's head like the muggy heat before a thunderstorm. The elliptic sweep of the stands encompassed the empty expanse of the battlefield that lay a flat and featureless two hundred feet in front. All around the cheers and claps and chatter of the crowd showered down onto the oval field, all attention focused on the four Tigerlilies. Brandished Tigerlily flags in orange-and-white rippled and flapped. At the top of the stands the glass-walled commentator's box was full of radio technicians and assorted sports pundits.

Josh scanned the crowd from beneath the brim of his cloche, looking for the more august spectators. There was Whitney with her bubbly consoeurs. On the centre-right near to the front was Victoria Pemberton, her expression difficult to read. Next to her was the Sinnoh Champion, wearing her signature fur choker. Josh anxiously tugged and fussed at his sweater dress, hoping ardently that he looked convincing. For a lightning-stroke of a moment he didn't dare take another step – but then the sight of Eve out the corner of his eye reminded him of why he was there at all.

Ruthless. Calculating. Indomitable as a glacier. That crowd shall not daunt me. Lorelei never let any crowd daunt her, and neither would he, not now, not in this tournament. He forced himself to settle into that focused pre-battle calm, systematically tuning out all extraneous sensations. The crowd became a dull roar of white noise; he dropped his gaze to their opponents and away from the two champions. Sister Mara looked even more waif-like in daylight. Ginnie – Ginnie's clothes were rather tight for a nun. Hm. Just the sort of observation that Eve would love, but not at all useful for the battle. He touched the Poké Balls clipped to his bag in sequence, Ivysaur, Screwball, Fionn. They were going to lead with their respective aces, Josh with Ivysaur, Eve with Lyra.

The referee stepped forward into the centre of field, red and green flags in hand. Her assistants headed to either end of the field, checked to confirm that the Tigerlilies were ready, and took up stations on the sidelines. The referee flicked a flag into the air and strode from the field again.

“Here it comes!” Eve said in a taut voice, grabbing his hand.

“Mmhm,” Josh said, squeezing her hand absently.

A faint shudder ran beneath their feet. There was a sharp clank, and the surface of the battlefield dropped down a few feet into the floor. Splitting in half, it smoothly retracted out of the way. A new field rumbled up from the void and locked into place with a final clank.

They'd drawn the Rock field. Black crags of cruelly sharp-edged basalt rose up from abrasive, sandy soil, terminating in jagged pinnacles. Patches of bloody-minded weeds clung to the coarse dirt. The field had a rather dry, stony smell, like old bone. A second, more critical, glance revealed that the apparently random topography was effectively symmetrical. The quadrant on their left was relatively flat and plain, rising to a dense range of rock on the right, an arrangement that was reversed on the opposite side of the field.

“With your permission, Lady Champion!” the referee announced, her voice boosted by the microphone around her neck. The noise of the crowd ebbed in response. “This Quarter Finals battle between the teams of Evelina Joy and Melissa Evans, Sister Guinevere and Sister Mara is about to begin -”

There were a lot of places to hide among the crags of rock, Josh noticed. Tough rock, not easily shattered.

“- simultaneous release! Ready your pokémon … and begin!”

Four opening Poké Balls clattered out a staccato rhythm – Ivysaur manifested in the shelter of the rock, keeping line of sight with his trainer. Sister Mara released a typically dour weezing, leaking wisps of brownish smog. Josh only faintly recognised Ginnie's first pokémon. It looked like a large gear, with two smaller gears fixed to the front face, in a sun-and-planet arrangement. The whole pokémon slowly rotated with itself, the sun-and-planet gears turning with each other. Eve scanned it with her Pokédex.

“Klang, the Gear Pokémon. The speed and direction of its rotation changes in relation to its intentions.”

“It's a Steel-type,” Eve said.

“Havoc?” Josh suggested. That was one of their strategic code words: Eve on the offence, Josh on the defence.

“Anvil,” Eve insisted. Both of them on the defence.

“Weezing, Psybeam at Ivysaur!” a strident voice cried – Josh realised it belonged to the waif-like Sister Mara.

“Shock Wave!” Sister Ginnie yelled.

The smaller of Weezing's heads launched a pulse of psychic energy down at Ivysaur, but the angle was bad and the attack drilled harmlessly into the rock. Twin tentacles of electricity sizzled out from Klang, actively hunting after their targets – Lyra buzzed shrilly in pain and dropped into the dirt.

“Pull yourself together, girl!” Eve said. “Reflect!”

Type match up could be better for Anvil, Josh thought. He had Ivysaur fire off a Scatterseed to seize an extra moment of breathing space, the attack clumsily dodged by Weezing while he quickly recalled Ivysaur in favour of Screwball. Their opponents had dedicated supporters in the crowd – he could hear their strident chants rising above the general hubbub.

“Come on back, Klang!” Ginnie called. The recall beam's touch turned Klang red and translucent. Possibly no-one else noticed it, but Screwball's magnets snapped forward in response. Klang lingered as a coherent red silhouette tethered to Ginnie's Poké Ball. The recall beam wavered, and faded completely.

“I've got Klang,” Eve said. Josh just nodded, signalling Screwball to loose a series of Eerie Impulses in support of Lyra.

“Drain Punch!” Eve yelled, pointing aggressively at Klang. Lyra's wings blasted up a cloud of sand; she paused at the zenith of her ascent and dropped into a steep dive. Another Shock Wave snaked out from Klang – Screwball hardly noticed the shock, while Lyra blocked it with a quick Protect. Streamers of light unravelled from her charging Drain Punch until a glob of flying Sludge neatly plucked her out the air.

I forgot about that weezing, Josh thought with a burst of irritation at himself. He’d allowed himself to get fixated on half the battle.

“Yo’, go: Maaara! Yo’ go Mara! Yo’ go Mara!” her fans hollered. Right. Refocus.

“Weezing, return!” Mara ordered. She didn’t hesitate at all in selecting her next pokémon. “Take the field Lampent!”

“Havoc, havoc!” Josh frantically chanted. “Return, Screwball!”

“Ok, ok,” Eve said, “cover him, Lyra! Air Cutter!”

Lyra hastily snapped off a barrage of Air Cutters, dividing her attack randomly between Lampent and Klang. A thick cloud of oily smoke erupted from Lampent, completely hiding it from view. Josh gracelessly flung Fionn’s Love Ball at the field. Both pokémon attacked Lyra while Fionn was still materialising – a Shock Wave from Klang, Flame Burst from Lampent crashing over a Protect bubble raised at the very last minute.

Eve punched him on the arm, apparently to get his attention. “Checkmate!”

Checkmate. Both on the offence. “Wait, wait, what’s the plan -”

“Just trust me,” Eve brusquely interrupted.

A pulse of shadow burst from the Smokescreen, thudding into Fionn like a Sonic Boom – she squeaked in alarm and seemed to flinch away.

“Yo’, go: Guinevere, yo’ go Guinevere!”

“Er, Ominous Wind: Lampent!” Josh guessed, the chant interfering with his concentration.

The Smokescreen reluctantly dispersed as Fionn hosed Ominous Wind through it. Mara’s pokémon gradually emerged through the thick murk, phasing in and out and leaving lingering phantom images behind. Strands of Ominous Wind curled, billowed and mingled in the smoke.

“Hey, cover Lyra,” Eve said. “I’ll knock out Klang.”

Josh resisted the urge to scowl at Lampent, staring malignly through the scraps of its Smokescreen. It was an inner-city subspecies, taking the form of a decrepit black desk lamp. Its broken, half-folded armature and conical shade gave it a hunched, brooding appearance. Alright Eevee, I’m trusting you, he thought doubtfully.

“Fionn, dérangez Lampent avec toutes les façons possibles. Ne utilisez pas Prescience!”

“Wait for your chance and sock that Klang with Drain Punch!” Eve yelled.

“Time to Shift Gear!” Ginnie responded. Fionn quietly faded away.

“No escape. Fire Spin!” Mara practically snapped.

Lampent’s face beneath its shade glowed a baleful red – a Psywave attacked from thin air, forcing it to try to dodge and loose Fire Spin at the same time. Lyra jinked aside from the wildly oscillating lance of flame and fell on Klang like a bullet. A feeble crackle of electricity sizzled out, critically weakened by Eerie Impulse. Somehow Klang managed to turn aside from Lyra’s attack – she overshot -

“Gear Grind!”

- there was a grating crunch. Flashing scarlet chitin shards flew, torn off by the whirring cogteeth. Lyra almost dropped out of the sky, catching herself just before she hit the dirt, ascending again with her usual bloody-mindedness, Drain Punch charged and blazing.

Wham. A swarm of green bubbles billowed out from Klang as it spun uncontrollably in mid-air. Lyra rose triumphantly above it, drawing the bubbles into herself. Exploding fireballs suddenly blossomed like marigolds and peppered the field below with smoking gledes. Fionn phased away from one explosion right into the fires of another, shrieking incoherently; Lyra fared a little better, swerving away from the worst of the Flame Bursts. Josh flinched inwardly – tightening the cross of his arms a little – more acutely aware than ever that Fire was the bane of their combined team.

“Lyra, return!” Eve called unexpectedly. “Gail, you have the honour!”

“Hold on, Eve, what’s the strategy here?” Josh murmured urgently.

“Strategy? Uh – Twister!” Eve ordered, interrupting herself.

A nimbus of hot frustration flared somewhere in the region of his navel. Lampent seemed to sense his black mood, fixing him in its blank yellow stare. The strategic position was so precarious – One stray Fire Spin. One accurate Flame Burst, that’s all it would take. Well, with Eve running loose cannon he wasn’t going to be prising a strategy out of her, damn her. And damn synergy – that lampent needed squashing. Right, options? Ivysaur’s attacks would be too easily countered. Screwball could zap it right back to the Ball, but it was too risky in the face of Special Fire-type attacks.

Undeterred, the Sisters’ fans were still lustily yelling their chants. “Burn, burn! Burn it to the win!”

“Fionn!” Josh called, to get her attention. Ominous Wind: Lampent, he signed curtly. For once Fionn skipped the games and simply attacked. Lampent gasped from the shock of it, struggling to maintain its position in the teeth of the ghostly wind.

“Um, forget Checkmate … Anvil,” Eve said.

“Why?”

“Just trust me!” Eve replied tartly.

“What? -”

Gail swooped joyfully past, her scarlet and yellow feathers shining in the amphitheatre lights. On the orders of its trainer Klang zapped her with Shock Wave, concentrating the entire attack on her. Sister Ginnie’s triumphant whooping was short-lived – Gail didn’t even flinch, quickly accelerating as Motor Drive kicked in. Lampent loosed a Fire Spin at the ground, the flames roaring greedily up to grab her. She promptly escaped through the eye of the vortex, zapped repeatedly by Shock Waves. Mara was ruthless. The Flame Bursts blossomed without pause, Lampent volleying fireballs with no sign of tiring.

The Sisters seemed to have completely forgotten about Fionn lurking restlessly in the shadow of a stone pinnacle, her gleaming eyes flickering constantly to her trainer.

“Anvil,” Josh growled, wondering how the hell he was supposed to carry that out with Fionn’s moveset. Future Sight, he signed for want of a better idea.

Gail looped up into the air to dodge a viciously spinning Gear Grind, apparently dragging fire in her wake, soaring in a tight arc around Lampent and back between her assailants. She swept close to Klang – a frustrated Lampent flung a careless volley -

Fireballs slammed into Klang, boiling and bursting so violently that the Gear Pokémon disappeared from sight. There was an intense metallic smell, like burning tin.

“Halt, halt!” Mara yelled over Ginnie’s howls of dismay. Klang dropped out of the air, bouncing unceremoniously off the rocks. It was glowing red, the sandy soil around it scorching brown.

“Klang is unable to battle!” the referee ruled.

“How did you know that was going to happen?” Josh hissed accusingly.

“Didn’t,” Eve replied simply. “It was bound to happen sooner or later, don’t you think?”

The Sisters were now conferencing animatedly. Josh took a deep breath. “Right,” he said, remastering his voice. “Now we do it my way. Checkmate, and get rid of that damn lampent.”

Ginnie pulled out and expanded an Ultra Ball with a flourish. “Ariados! Take over!”

The fat-bellied spider ran to the middle of the field with a manic flurry of angular legs, then halted, motionless. It was one of the asticus subspecies – they had them in Mulberry Town as well – so dark red it was almost black, unmarked except for its sickly pale underside.

“Begin!”

“Ariados, Sticky Web!” Ginnie instantly ordered.

“Lampent, lay low the pidgeotto,” Mara said darkly.

Ariados spat a translucent stream of silk directly at them – Josh ducked automatically – the silk struck an invisible wall and exploded into a huge orb web, the glassy glimmering threads hardly visible. Mara’s lampent withdrew behind a Smokescreen, only the staring eyes gleaming through the smoke. There was something in the intense look it gave Gail that made Josh deeply uncomfortable, giving him an irrational urge to flinch. Gail herself didn’t seem to care, sweeping Lampent away with a quick Gust.

“Get moving, girl!” he told Fionn, who phased away in a flash of Will o’ Wisp. Before she could attack again Gail started as if struck and dropped to the dirt.

“Flame Burst that pidgeotto!” Mara ordered. Future Sight struck Lampent in a zig-zag flash of multi-coloured light – there was the thin red flash of a recall beam as Eve recalled Gail.

“Meowth, you have the honour!”

Fionn reappeared in front of Lampent and unleashed her Ominous Wind. Suddenly a String Shot from Ariados grabbed her by the hair and reeled her in, Fionn screaming out Astonish as Ariados attempted to subdue her.

“Douse that lampent, you moggy!” Eve yelled. “Water Pulse!”

The water disc burst over Lampent with a wet slap and a hiss of spraying water. It loosed a harsh, lingering telepathic scream, fires dimmed and smoking.

“Lampent is unable to battle!” the referee ruled.

“Let go of Misdreavus, Ariados buddy,” Ginnie called dutifully. Fionn kept on bitching and swearing, bits of spider silk clinging to her hair.

“Whew! That was a lucky escape, don’t you think?” Eve commented. Josh said nothing, in no mood to be cheerful about it.

“Alright, you’re up!” Mara called, re-releasing her weezing.

“You ought to focus on that,” Eve said. “Meowth won’t be able to scratch it.”

“And begin!” the referee shouted.

Almost immediately Mara tried to blind Fionn with a Smokescreen. Up groped a questing String Shot – Fionn had been warily watching out for that and dodged it handily. Ominous Wind: Weezing, Josh signed to start off the attrition game, Fionn pulling a face at the banality of the order. Battle was joined on the other side of the field with a hiss of String Shot and a skitter of feline claws, Ariados struggling to poison Meowth as he raked at its extremities.

“Finish that misdreavus with Sludge,” Mara snapped. The first coughed-up wad missed by inches and splatted into the rock. Fionn giggled happily, deliberately jinking away from each glob of Sludge at the very last minute. The more frustrated Weezing got at Fionn’s taunting, the more she laughed and blasted it with gusts of Ominous Wind.

“Meowth, enough, enough!” Eve yelled “Gail, you have the honour! Defog!”

“Ohhh!” Ginnie screamed in frustration as Gail destroyed her Sticky Web. “Ariados, come back! Deal with it, Croconaw!”

Her croconaw stomped on the dirt a couple of times and gaped menacingly, displaying a mismatched array of yellowed teeth. He had his species’ usual deceptively stout appearance, his back heavily armoured with thick, leathery scutes. Getting impatient, are we Sister? Josh thought dryly. Pokémon number five revealed. That left one unknown pokémon – if Croconaw could be removed quickly …

“Scalpel, my dear J-Mel. I’ll keep Weezing busy,” Eve said, smiling. Josh allowed himself a discreet smile of his own. The lovely Eevee is thinking what I’m thinking.

“Dragon Dance, Croconaw!”

“Go for the weezing, Gail!”

With an eager screech Gail fell upon Weezing in a tornado of feather, beak and talon, attacking it furiously from every direction. Weezing groaned and whined in distress, hardly more than scratched but half-blinded by Gail’s flailing wings. It vented gouts of gas, momentarily driving Gail off before she closed in again. Recalling Fionn would be the obvious move, too obvious, maybe. There was an opportunity here … if he set up Future Sight at Weezing now -

A Water Gun chopped across Josh’s vision – so fast! - smacking into Fionn with such force that she lost coherency and collapsed into an amorphous mass. She wailed pitifully, locks of hair, pearls and eyeballs randomly forming and dissolving as she literally tried to pull herself together.

“Fionn, return,” Josh said, unwilling to let her struggle on any longer. “You did very well,” he told her quietly.

“Misdreavus is unable to battle!” the referee called as the remaining combatants disengaged from one another. Weezing floated to a defensive position close to the ground, putting its back against a flat scarp of granite.

Damnit! Damnit. Spent too long thinking, Josh thought, shifting his weight from foot-to-foot. He reached down to his bag and slowly unsnapped the clasp holding Ivysaur's Poké Ball. No more playing games. Time to unleash the ace.

“Ivysaur, battle’s on.” Ivysaur dispassionately took in the battlefield, critically eyeing up Croconaw opposite.

“Begin!”

“Force-Nature: Weezing!” Josh practically gabbled out. Earth Power detonated beneath it, sending a ripple of vibrations rumbling up through the soles of Josh’s boots, a fierce cloud of fire flashing in the erupting soil as a billow of Smog ignited. Sensing distraction, Croconaw dashed forward, scrabbled across a boulder and clumsily evaded the Vine Whip sharply snapping down in his path. He jumped back out of range, angrily hissing at Ivysaur's quartet of vines blocking his advance.

“Don’t think this’ll be so easy, yo!” Ginnie yelled. “Croconaw, level the field with Rain Dance!”

Croconaw started a barbarous war chant, stomping rhythmically and brandishing his teeth. A blue glow steadily brightened in his throat, the chant culminating in a savage roar – Croconaw launched a thunderous black globe twenty feet into the air, where it unrolled into a rectangular blanket of cloud. The rain began to fall, a light shower that quickly thickened into a downpour.

“Try using powder moves now!” Ginnie taunted. “Water Gun!”

The Water Gun struck Ivysaur's flower and thrust it backwards, hauling violently at the stem where it rooted to his back. Ivysaur let out a howl of pain and involuntarily retracted his vines. Croconaw seized his chance to close the distance, charging across the increasingly marshy battlefield -

“Give it a Bite!”

- a large globule of mud detached itself from the ground and exploded in front of Croconaw like a landmine, hurling him flat on his back with an eyeful of clinging mud. Down slammed the Vine Whips, throwing up a shivering wave of rainwater, Ivysaur needing no new orders to press his attack.

Sister Mara sounded like she was changing tactics – Josh spared a glance-worth of attention for the other half of the battle where Gail was harassing Weezing.

“Wait for it …” Mara called. “Vent, vent!”

Rust-brown Smog blasted form every fumarole. Gail veered off too late, wings thrashing wildly at the chemical fog, screeched and spiralled haphazardly into a landing. A glob of Sludge smacked her from her perch into the mud.

“Weezing, good,” Mara said, recalling it. “Take the field now!”

Her murkrow slipped through the rain like an oily shadow, its outline indistinct against the dark clouds. “Wing Attack!”

If Mara thought Gail would be incapacitated by the Smog she was wrong – somehow the tough little bird managed to launch herself into the air and dogfight. At the same time Croconaw made a second attempt at closing up with Dragon Dance, slipping and stumbling in the thick mud.

Eye, eye. Hoisted on his own petard. He gave Croconaw’s injuries a critical look, wondering if Torrent was imminent. Nice try, Sister, I’m not giving you the chance.

There was the whine of a recall beam. Eve had removed Gail from the battle. “That’s enough, girl.”

“Alright, Pidgeotto is unable to battle!” the referee agreed.

Josh gently took his friend’s wrist before she could release her next pokémon. “Wait.”

There were no unknowns left. If we eliminate Croconaw then that leaves Ariados and Murkrow/Weezing. Worst case scenario, Screwball in reserve can deal with Murkrow and Ariados. That leaves Weezing as the last slag in the steel.

“Go with Lyra,” he concluded. “Mara’ll think you’ve made a mistake and ignore Ivysaur. That leaves Croconaw vulnerable.”

“Alright, let’s do it,” Eve shrugged. Josh hastily signed Offensively, Nature Power, Vine Whip: Croconaw.

“Begin!”

“Featherdance at Ledian,” Mara ordered. Out of the corner of his eye Josh saw Lyra buzz out from beneath a shower of inky black feathers, but his attention was on the right-hand side of the field. Croconaw spotted Ivysaur's Mud Bomb as it emerged, tried to outrun it – and failed, the Bomb exploding behind his head in a flash of steam and boiling mud. Ivysaur gave him no quarter, and beat him bloody.

“Arrêtez-vous,” Josh commanded as soon as Croconaw stopped trying to dodge. Ivysaur respectfully retracted his whips, his expression wooden. Sister Ginnie was strangely quiet, apparently shocked, one hand over her mouth. Hoisted on his own petard, Josh thought again. If she hadn’t ruined the field surface that wouldn't have been anything like as easy.

The referee gave Croconaw an especially close examination. “Croconaw is unable to battle,” she announced redundantly. “Evans, watch the use of force.”

“Cunning girl,” Eve said teasingly. “Maybe I should let you be in charge more often. We’re nearly there, I can feel it.”

Rents were beginning to open up in the artificial clouds, the rain steadily subsiding in response. Sister Ginnie re-released her scuffed and scratched Ariados into the rocks while Murkrow silently wheeled overhead.

“Checkmate?” Eve said.

“Checkmate,” Josh replied.

“Begin!”

Air Cutters from Lyra flew past – Mara switched out for Weezing – forcing Ariados to take cover, squeezing itself through the crags of black basalt like something born in Dungortheb, bristly legs pumping like pistons. There was the rushing noise of Weezing Stockpiling defences. Stalling. Better dealt with sooner than late.

“Avancez patiemment. Utilisez de la Poudre Dodo sur Migalos, après Vampigraine: Smogogo,” Josh ordered after a moment to think. Ivysaur didn’t answer, advancing resolutely through the mud and simultaneously keeping watch on Ariados. It scuttled purposefully towards him, like it had seen an especially crunchy insect. Ivysaur watched it expressionlessly, paused, and pitched a gust of Sleep Powder over the rocks; but Ariados scuttled on regardless as if the glittering blue powder weren’t there.

“Insomnia,” Eve explained. “Lyra, Thunderpunch! Pound that spider into the rock!”

Lyra crashed into Ariados with a shrill battle cry and a double-blast of electricity discharging from two fists – Ariados hissed and recoiled, legs thrashing convulsively. Its assailant pressed her attack with showers of Comet Punch, weaving around or fending off increasingly desperate attempts to poison her. Ivysaur glanced from Ariados to Weezing uncertainly -

“Allez!” Josh called – with some difficulty Ivysaur loped towards the middle of the field.

[Scatterseed?]

“Yes.”

“Weezing, Stockpile!” Mara called.

The Leech Seeds fired off with a dry crackle like splitting wood – Ivysaur stippled Weezing thoroughly, a dozen or so seeds germinating and greedily binding themselves tight against its cratered skin. Josh glanced at Ariados occupied by Lyra’s fists -

“Sleep Powder,” he ordered almost as an afterthought. Halfway through Stockpile Weezing accidentally sucked in most of the glittering blue powder, groaned dolefully, and instantly fell into a deep sleep.

“Ariados is unable to battle!” the referee suddenly announced. Lyra was hovering triumphantly over the limp and unconscious body of Ariados.

“Ohhh, bummer!” Ginnie said, with feeling. “I’m sorry Sister, I should have stalled or something -”

Sister Mara waved her into silence, her pale face creased in concentration.

“Time to bow out, Sister,” Eve called confidently. “You’ve got a murkrow and a sleeping weezing covered in Leech Seeds. Maybe you can stall out my ace, but what are you going to do about Melissa’s magnemite?”

“No, Mara, come on, you can do it! I’ve seen you make great comebacks!” Ginnie protested. Her partner said something inaudible, her usual shyness returning.

“If you’re sure, buddy,” Ginnie said with a dash of reluctance. “We admit defeat!”

“Very well,” called the referee, “then I declare this Quarter Finals battle over! The victory goes to the team of Evelina Joy and Melissa Evans!”

The white noise of the crowd seemed to increase as Josh slowly realised the battle really was over. The Amphitheatre was applauding. Ten thousand pairs of hands were clapping, though for who, Josh didn’t know. The Sisters were giving one another a commiseration hug – Eve was thoroughly enjoying the congratulations, grinning like a pumpkin with her fist belligerently upraised, joined enthusiastically by Lyra.

[The nurse is certainly getting her money’s worth,] Ivysaur said. He stretched out each muddy limb in turn.

“Less of the ‘nurse’, alright?” Josh answered. “Anyway, let them watch the hammer, it’s all coal to me.”

[That would make you the anvil, then,] he said. [Her opponents break apart on you.]

*​

“Good evening Sunshine City, this is the Goldenrod Desk of Sport on Metro FM, and I’m here for the next hour with Oswin Jeffries with the summary of the day’s action at the Tigerlily Tourney. It’s been a fierce day of Quarter Finals – Ozzy, what’s your impression of the day?”

“Well, it’s been a day of surprises, really, Casey Lynwood and Morgan Harwich, favourites to win on the strength of a brutally effective Heats, efficiently knocked out by the Unovan team of Lovelace and Winters -”

“Misdreavus,” Fionn mumbled.

“I know, hinny, shush now,” Josh warbled, giving her a mollifying squeeze. He was sitting cross-legged on Eve’s bunk again, a thoroughly tired misdreavus in his arms. He stroked her hair absently, the insubstantial locks weirdly soft against his hand. Eve was lying back, crunching her way through a packet of Love Hearts while she half-listened to the radio.

“’Hot Lips’, that one’s obviously referring to me,” she commented. Crunch, crunch. “’Take a Selfie’, I say take a hike.” Crunch, crunch. “’Fuck Me.’ Well, you heard the candy, jump to it.”

“You know those things are made of bone meal, right?” Josh said dryly, pretending to ignore that last remark.

“Oooh, ‘Cuddle Me’, redeeming that one right now!”

“Wait your turn, you,” he insisted, idly trying to tease out a knot that was only corporeal some of the time. Fionn managed to find the energy to pull a smug face at Eve.

“Say what you like about synergy over versatility, they haven’t been boxed in yet,” the radio continued.

“Interesting perspective: Ozzy, a final word.”

“We’ve not seen the last of that leavanny.”

“Moving on to the second Quarter Finals match, Evelina Joy and Melissa Evans defeated Sisters Guinevere and Mara. Ozzy, what’s your analysis?”

“On paper this is a battle the Sisters should have won – the closest thing constituting a threat to Mara’s lampent would have been Joy’s meowth. Yeah, there was misdreavus, but we all know how risky countering a Ghost with a Ghost can be.”

“Ozzy, some of our listeners will be thinking: isn’t ending on a forfeit unusual?”

“Not that unusual, there’s an argument for saying that when one trainer is knocked out of the battle it’s very hard for the remaining partner to win. In this case I think Mara made the right decision. Evans still had a fresh magnemite waiting in the wings, that’s just too big a challenge for a weezing and a murkrow.”

“What are your thoughts on the winners? Both are relative newcomers, Evelina has two Badges to her name, Melissa seems to be new to competitive battling.”

“Yes, well, both have some talent, I don’t think that’s in any question – just look at their Heats performance – whether they can get through the Semis, hm, I don’t know. They have a real problem with Fire, for a start. And more importantly, they’re not really working together.”

“He’s got a point, you know,” Josh said.

“’Be Mine’ - anodyne.” Crunch, crunch. “About the Fire weakness? We already knew that.”

“About teamwork. Eevee, you left me guessing today.”

“Yeah, but -”

“I want you to win but I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me,” he interrupted.

Eve gave him a sharp, nail-you-to-the-wall look. “Did we or did we not win the battle today?”

“We won’t get away with it twice,” he countered firmly.

She went quiet for a while, listening to the analysis of their battle, Fionn eyeing up the last of the Love Hearts.

“- the first Semi Finals battle will be Evelina Joy and Melissa Evans, versus Libby Berkowicz and Emily Warbeck, we’ll have live coverage of that -”

“You can’t possibly be this relaxed,” Josh said.

“How can I be nervous? I have my anvil,” Eve said, with a lazy wink.

Next Chapter: Psyshock

 

[Persephone]

So I have read most of the Tigerlily arc to date now, even if I've been kind of quiet in the thread as of late.

I like it. There's not a lot of battling in the story for a journey fic, so it's nice to see some in a condensed area, still split up with little asides about the Forest King and survival in woods and such. Antagonists aren't terribly well developed, but the protagonists are and the greater tension about Josh's discovery makes up for it. So long as I'm invested in reading a battle, I don't care why I am.

Still waiting to see when and how Josh gets revealed. Because I'm really struggling to see how he pulls it off until the end.

 

[Jersey Jimmy]

Alright, sweet, new chapter! You're really good at writing battle scenes, I have to say. I'm especially impressed by the strategies you can come up with... I think my main issue with writing battles is that I think too much in game terms. On top of that, I like how you mentioned Josh and Eve's poor teamwork, as it could really be a challenge in the next battle. All in all, another great chapter.

 

[lucarioknight56]

For the Review Game:

I read all of Chapter 25, and I find that you really did a great job! The pace felt on par with an actual battle, and it was plainly obvious that there was little teamwork between Eve and Josh... In a good way! I don’t really see any grammar or spelling errors, so we’re all clear there. No issues.

I do like this story and I wait to see where it will go. I can already think of some questions that viewers may have in their minds: Will they win this tournament? Will their teamwork grow better? Will the Fire-Type disadvantage bite them later? Lots of good questions... that I’m sure will be answered in the next few chapters!

 

[Flaze]

Well, that was a battle. I don't know, I feel like a hypocrite considering I've done chapter long battles myself, maybe it's cause I'm tired right now so I won't dwell on that too much. I did like the different strategies you had Eve and Joshua use, they had been working on them after all and at the same time I liked how you showcased that...they're actually not that great at working together, Eve seems to change her strategies around on the spot (which is highlighted a lot throughout the story), while Joshua always likes to work with a general outline of what to do in a specific situation. So it's good that they're able to win but still have a lot to work towards if they want to actually win the tournament and it was a pretty close match too.

And, well I don't really have much else to comment on, the battle itself was fine if a little long since each of the trainers went through 3 pokemon, so it was essentially a full six on six battle in just one chapter, which is wow.

Aside from that there isn't really much, though I did love the banter between Eve and Josh at the end (you really should follow to that the lady says dude) as well as all the little nods to the different subspecies for each Pokemon with the differences in appearance.

 

[kintsugi]

Hey hey, I'm still kicking, and I've got some catching up to do.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Overall, I like the way you write your battles. Can't quite place my finger on it, but you've managed to flesh out pretty distinct battle-styles between Josh/Eve, and you've got tactics that they both use pretty frequently (such as Pineco always exploding to cause a tie), but it never really feels stale. Having tried and failed to write a string of tactics, this was really, really refreshing.

Also, this is gonna be super hypocritical, but as much as I love Meowth in general/sassy Meowth/seriously give this cat a medal, the snark might be better saved for a time that's not a battle. It slowed the action just a hair, and it's hard to believe that Asma is just sitting here while Eve and Meowth debate when he's learned Water Pulse and such.

As always, the post-match worldbuilding was on point. I particularly liked the psychics, but in general that bar scene was a solid way of developing the rest of the quasi-antagonists outsie of battle. Keeps the tournament interesting when the opponents are real people, ya know?

“Will you listen? What's going to make your point better, breathing fire now or crushing them in battle?”

“Why can't I have both?” Eve said stubbornly.

Favorite dialogue I've read in a while, tbh. It's refreshing when characters behave like people and make pointedly stupid decisions because it feels good at the time.

“… can you feel it?” he said cryptically.

“What?”

“The sea.”

smells like a Lugia subplot?


Chapter Twenty-Five

I really liked the codewords you had. Small detail, but having them mutter Havoc/Anvil to each other while everyone stands feels like a better-executed version of the first scene in this cut, heh. Josh shouting at his Pokemon in French is also sneakily clever and totally in-character here.

Not much to say here, honestly -- the battle was interesting, still, but I'm not sure how many more of these you can pull off before we start craving the finals, heh.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Ok, so it's that time again, methinks, to do some responses. I might as well take this moment to say that I am working on Twenty Six - I really hope it won't take as long as Twenty Five did, but it's all dependant on how much time I'm left to write after work/Uni

Still waiting to see when and how Josh gets revealed. Because I'm really struggling to see how he pulls it off until the end.

I'm acutely aware of this feeling among the readers, believe you me. What I will say for now is that I'm sticking to my guns and not changing things at the last minute, much as I'm unsure as to whether I'll get away with it in the end.

You're really good at writing battle scenes, I have to say.

If you say so xD - this battle was a long slog to get done. I didn't hitherto appreciate how much more planning you need for a double battle. Twice the pokémon means four times the level of complexity, which means that much more to keep track of in the notes to make sure the narrative makes sense. I'm beginning to realise why double battles in the anime were really a series of single battles happening on the same field, put it that way.

And, well I don't really have much else to comment on, the battle itself was fine if a little long since each of the trainers went through 3 pokemon, so it was essentially a full six on six battle in just one chapter, which is wow.

I'm honestly surprised that the whole battle came in at less than 5,000 words, to be honest.

Part of me wants to declare that battles on paper will never really rival those on screen. Maybe that's a bit defeatist, but I do think that it's that much harder to keep the tension taut and the action exciting. I want to try something a little different with Twenty Six to try and keep the action interesting.

(you really should follow to that the lady says dude)

Sorry, could you rephrase that?

Overall, I like the way you write your battles

Woohoo!

but you've managed to flesh out pretty distinct battle-styles between Josh/Eve, and you've got tactics that they both use pretty frequently

Woohoo!

but it never really feels stale

Woohoo!

Hah, though you possibly give me too much credit there. Josh and Eve are really just developed versions of the old analysis vs intuition cliché. It helps that they both battle in the formal arena of pokémon battling - a lot of what Josh does, especially, only works within those rules

the snark might be better saved for a time that's not a battle.

Hah, yeah, you're probably right. In hindsight it does create a bit of a lull in the middle of the action. I couldn't resist the excuse to repurpose a line from The Aristocats (Incidentally I think those jazz-cats are a bunch of idiots).

As for the characters thing, phew, I certainly hope so. It seems to be the comment that comes up again and again when it comes to tournaments - the characters have to be worthwhile. I have to admit, I'm not really pleased with the way they've turned out, but what the hell, I can come back and tidy it up when the full tournament is written.

Speaking of which, yeah, I have it in mind that the whole thing could very easily drag out. However, there can only be a maximum of two battles left in the tournament regardless of what happens, so I hope it won't feel like a long slog to get there in the end. Honestly, I've been with this tournament for so long now that I really want to get out of Goldenrod City and on to Part II

 

[The Wordsmith]

I only read few chapter but I love how the characters talk to another. It is lifelike and like a movie. Thank you.

 

[Ereshkigal]

Okay, review time! Now that I think I've read all of it. You haven't secretly posted another four chapters while I've been writing this, have you?

Anyway...

Chapter Structure

I have to admit I like it. The break-up of the chapters feels very much in-tune with an anime or manga, and very much aids the style of story you are telling. It also gives space for the reader to become even more excited at what may come.

Writing Style

The way you word things is interesting, and builds into the overall narrative quite well. Plus, you find interesting ways to work in words like "callipygian." I will have to use that one sometime, and make certain to blame it on you

Eve comes across as a fully fleshed out character, and I love how you portray the audiences. I can see the arenas in my mind and am quite enjoying it.

I do think Josh is suffering a bit in his characterization at the moment. But given the nature of the tournament and why they are there, that does make some sense. This isn't about Josh at the moment; this is about Eve. So Josh taking a backseat helps serve the narrative by subtly directing the reader to connect more with Eve and pay her more attention.

Setting

I find it interesting you are placing real animals beside Pokemon, rather than Pokemon instead of real animals. I am not certain if I am comfortable with that, since it seems to me the average Pokemon would quickly edge out most natural competitors. But, it does serve the narrative rather well and answers some questions about supplies without depicting people eating Pokemon, so I think it serves the story far better to have them side-by-side for the tale you are telling.

The other variants of Pokemon and variations in appearance make me smile. This helps build the bigger world it's part of.

The rest of the setting I love. I would actually like to see this made into an anime, as I think you've perfectly captured the better elements of the anime and added onto them. Especially with how you present the religious elements.

Conclusion

Your story is wonderfully written and I must admit to wanting to read more of it. But, then, you probably already know I'm taking inspiration from it from what I've blamed you for inspiring already

I really would recommend this story to fanfic writers wanting to start out. It would make an excellent textbook example of a fanfic done right.

 

[Beth Pavell]

I have to admit I like it. The break-up of the chapters feels very much in-tune with an anime or manga, and very much aids the style of story you are telling. It also gives space for the reader to become even more excited at what may come.

I can't say I can take credit for that, since I essentially pinched it from George R.R. Martin xD

and I love how you portray the audiences. I can see the arenas in my mind and am quite enjoying it.

Oh, that's a relief. Not my strong suit, these sporty events, I can tell you. I've found myself listening to and watching more sport than I'd really like to, but frankly if I didn't I'd never get away with those scenes

The rest of the setting I love. I would actually like to see this made into an anime, as I think you've perfectly captured the better elements of the anime and added onto them. Especially with how you present the religious elements.

You're flattering me a lot with this review. It would be amusing to imagine what a Japanese studio would do with it - dare I say I think a lot of Josh's and Eve's interactions would be replaced with blushing and not saying what they mean. I suspect the central theme of two young people who aren't really chasing some clear dream wouldn't wash either. The attitudes towards work and class are very British, as well

I find it interesting you are placing real animals beside Pokemon, rather than Pokemon instead of real animals. I am not certain if I am comfortable with that, since it seems to me the average Pokemon would quickly edge out most natural competitors.

So apparently I haven't talked at length about this. I suppose the subject really deserves a blog, so I'll try and be succinct for now. Here's how I reason it out:

1. Mundane (That is, non pokémon) creatures solve more problems than they pose. They solve the human diet problem, but also the pokémon diet problem. There's a lot of gaps in regards to what some pokémon eat, and the stop-gap of berries and other pokémon doesn't solve it well enough for me
2. It doesn't necessarily need a big leap in suspension of disbelief. We already accept as part of the setting that pokémon haven't outcompeted trees or flowering plants, for example
3. It depends on the mundane creature. There are a lot of ecological niches that aren't exploited by any pokémon, or are exploited by pokémon in only some regions. So I think it's fair to say that some mundane creatures demand a stretchier suspension of disbelief than others

 

[Beth Pavell]

Chapter Twenty Six – Psyshock (Version 1.0)

Evelina​

Wow. Look at that, Evelina Joy. Your name in the Sports section of the National Herald, Eve thought, admiring the six-inch square article looted from the newspapers in the common room.

It was only about fifty words summarising her Quarter Finals battle, and buried away eight pages from the back at that, but Eve had carefully torn it out anyway. She’d followed the Tigerlily Tourney since she was sixteen, when she’d sat in the Amphitheatre stands with Aunt Immey and watched the now-Arcade Star Dahlia Escarrà take the Championship with a different team in every battle. She’d been listening in 2009 when, to her lasting resentment, Lisa and Valentina Jenny became the first of their clan to win the Tourney. Although, half the time she wouldn't even get to listen to the live coverage, since her mother usually found a long list of chores to keep her occupied when the battle was due to start. So she’d catch up online, and read the articles in the Herald the next morning. Always the Herald – the other broadsheets never covered the Tourney, and when the tabloids did, it was in a ‘Top Ten Tigerlily Titties’ sort of way.

Well, now it’s my turn to feature, I suppose, Eve thought, slipping the cutting into her back pocket. Her stomach felt like an anxious pidgey was fluttering around in it. Now it was the Semi Finals the eyes of the media were on only two battles. There was no room left for mistakes.

What happens if I fail?

Eve sighed, stepping off the escalator into the steamy warmth of the cafeteria, half-full of half-asleep trainers. She fetched breakfast for herself and claimed a seat by the big window overlooking the atrium. Josh had headed out at silly o’clock to buy the best berries from the Underground, promising he’d be back by nine. It was ten past now. Eve pecked unenthusiastically at a croissant for a while, the anxious pidgey refusing to settle.

“Alright, I’ll admit it. The choice for breakfast in Goldenrod is worth having,” Josh announced, plunking down a bowl of kedgeree and a generous plate of bacon. He was looking markedly unfeminine with hair tied back, unshaven, in his tired old jumper.

“You’re late,” Eve complained. He didn’t seem to notice, pulling off his jumper and dumping it on the tabletop. Eve gave him a reproving look and started to fold it properly.

“Why is this thing so damn heavy?” she exclaimed.

“Well, yeah, it’s hundred per cent Mulberryshire wool,” he said, as if that were an explanation. “You’ve never noticed before?”

“… what?”

“Mulberryshire wool. From Mulberryshire mareep. I suppose it’s an obscure breed.”

“I’d suppose so.”

“How’d you think I got away with just bruises after that bitch ninetales attacked me?” Josh said mildly.

“It’s like bloody wire!”

“You need strong needles to knit it, I do know that.”

“Hm.” No room left for mistakes. “Don’t forget, Lyra knows Light Screen now, not Reflect.”

“Don’t you forget, you promised you’ll salt the battlefield.”

“Yes, yes, I know, I’m starting with Bailey.”

“I still say that’s a silly name for a forretress.”

“Well it’s better than your idea, Martello -”

They were interrupted by a couple of passing girls talking Tourney.

“- I know Lovelace/Winters will be the more exciting battle, but I still want to see the other Semi, you know, with the Joy and whatsername.”

“What, her battle partner?”

“Yeah, yeah, the forgettable one.”

Neither so much as glanced aside, oblivious to both of them.

“Forgettable,” Josh repeated, without resentment.

“Honestly. The moment I set foot in a Pokémon Centre I’m scenery,” Eve complained. “People see what they want to see.”

“Yeah, well. They’ll see ye well enough when you win today.”

Afterwards Eve couldn't explain why she was suddenly lost for words. It wasn’t the first time Josh had said something supportive. But for some reason she didn’t know what to say, though she ought to say something. Or do something.

So she compromised by punching him on the arm.

*​

“This Semi Finals battle between the teams of Emily Warbeck and Libby Berkowicz, Evelina Joy and Melissa Evans is about to begin!”

The ebullient mood in the Amphitheatre was electrifying. From the elliptic sweep of the stands brandished Tigerlily flags in orange-and-white rippled and flapped, the cheers of the crowd making Eve’s skin tingle like static. Or so it felt. Some of those cheering spectators were cheering for her, it was thrilling. I’d love to get used to this, she thought with a brief shiver. She didn’t care that she was sharing the spotlight. From the front row Whitney caught her gaze and waved enthusiastically. Eve raised her fist in a sincere salute – not to the Goldenrod Gym Leader, or even to the Sinnoh Champion, but to Madam Imperial Champion Pemberton, dignified as ever in a brunswick-green suit.

Great Rhia of Victory, give me strength, Eve prayed. I don’t want to lose in front of Madam Pemberton. The idling scoreboard ran an opening animation – all four of the competitor’s Tourney portraits unfurled into view, each one embellished with a fire-orange tigerlily in the corner, subtitled with their names: Warbeck, Berkowicz, Joy, Evans.

Eve switched her attention to the other side of the Ice field. Warbeck was standing hunched over against the cold, arms neatly folded, eyes closed. Berkowicz positively glittered, gold-blonde locks pooling on her shoulders, golden dress sparkling in the Amphitheatre lights. The effect would have been impressively sexy, were it not spoiled by Berkowicz’s permanent wreath of cigarette smoke.

“- ready your pokémon … and begin!”

Eve gave the battlefield a quick assessment – two-thirds of the surface was covered in snow, odd patches of stone-hard dirt showing through. Low shrubs arose from the snow, branches rimed with a hard frost.

“Yeah, get out there Venomoth,” Berkowicz sighed. Josh released his magnemite without a word.

“Bailey,” Eve yanked the Poké Ball from her chest and whipped it at the middle of the field, “you have the honour!”

Warbeck opened her eyes. A triad of Poké Balls levitated from her pockets, smoothly moving into close orbit around her body. One of them burst open, releasing a flat, round pokémon the colour of verdigris. Ignore that for now.

“You know what to do Bailey!” Eve called. Her forretress gracefully rose on an electromagnetic cushion. She whirled rapidly on her axis, salting the field with hundreds of glistening purple caltrops in pulsing waves. Their opponents declared opening moves, Berkowicz starting with Quiver Dance, Warbeck irritatingly ordering Light Screen. Eve grabbed her Pokédex – a sizzling Charge Beam struck Venomoth’s forming Light Screen and smashed it into a flying cloud of sparks and translucent yellow panes, leaving behind a jagged and incomplete screen.

“Bronzor, the Bronze Pokémon. Bronzor -”

“Steel/Psychic-type. Could be a toughie,” Eve said. Bailey kept on spinning, now laying down iron-coloured Spikes. Bronzor’s sneaky attempt at rebuilding Venomoth’s Light Screen did not go unnoticed by Screwball, who unmercifully smashed it a second time.

Berkowicz blew out a plume of smoke. “Venomoth, uh … Silver Wind.”

Why the hell does that make sense? Eve thought as silvery grey scales blizzarded down at Bailey – she instinctively stopped laying down Spikes, clanked her shell shut and dropped into the snow with a crunch. The Silver Wind scoured up the powder, scales and snowflakes rising like glitter in a snowglobe. There was an audible ‘ahh’ of appreciation from the crowd. Eve flicked through her Pokédex after an answer. That would explain it.

“Either Berkowicz is an idiot or the moth has Tinted Lens.”

“Damn nuisance,” Josh murmured laconically.

“And you can’t destroy Light Screen forever.”

Josh just shrugged and signed for another Charge Beam – Bronzor managed to dodge it by flipping itself horizontal.

Warbeck obviously had no intention of following Josh’s lead. “Bronzor. Skill Swap: Magnemite,” she ordered.

I’m not following your lead either. “Pin Missile the pair of them!”

Bailey fired off her arsenal with a concussive bang-whoosh. Two Pins exploded on Bronzor with flashes of greenish-yellow fire and billows of acrid smoke; three sailed right over Venomoth as it fluttered deftly out of the way. Eve realised Warbeck was conferring with Berkowicz, the exploding Pins drowning out their words.

“Alright Venomoth, Baton Pass out to Marowak!” Berkowicz called. One of Warbeck's orbiting Poké Balls abruptly recalled Bronzor, another released a hypno into the Spikes-free area in the far right of the field – followed by Marowak manifesting a few feet away. Both pokémon visibly flinched from the pain of Toxic Spikes piercing their feet.

“They’re paying attention,” Josh said. “Don’t fill in that Spike gap.”

“What?” Eve snapped. Teamwork, Eevee. “Um. Ok. Havoc.”

The crowd had quietened down in anticipation of the next skirmish.

“Bailey!” Eve called in ringing tones. She snapped her fingers for emphasis. “Finish it with one salvo! Pin Missile Hypno!”

Bang. Eight Pin Missiles flew up in a high arc, sending a black smear of smoke scudding back over Bailey. The smoke curled slowly in the cold air, staining the snow grey. Warbeck hardly reacted, only watching the ascending Pins glumly.

“Marowak, Focus Energy, boy,” Berkowicz said. Josh signalled Screwball to stay high.

The Pins arced back down to earth – Marowak broke into a run, whether to get out of the blast zone or to get within attacking distance, Eve wasn’t sure.

Dead on target, go on, one salvo – hold on, why isn’t Warbeck doing anything about it?

“Psybeam.”

Hypno calmly raised his pendulum. A ribbon of psychic energy uncoiled from it, flailing madly about like an angry ekans. The flailing ribbon scythed through the air, burning each Pin Missile into a twisted, blackened and useless spine.

Eve screamed in frustration, Smack Down from Marowak whizzing up at Screwball. Josh ordered something in Kalosian – Eve glowered at Hypno advancing gingerly across the icy ground, leaving behind spots of blood in his footprints. Let’s see you endure a full bombardment.

“Hypno, Hypnosis: Forretress,” Warbeck ordered coolly.

Hypno’s pendulum started to oscillate of its own accord, his low rhythmic chanting almost felt rather than heard. Within five seconds Bailey stopped listening to commands. Within ten she withdrew her siphons and locked her shell down for sleep.

Eve partially suppressed another scream and grabbed another Poké Ball. “Bailey, return. Meowth, you have the honour! Oh, um, Checkmate,” she added hastily.

Meowth sidled into the cover of a hoar-frosted bush to Hone Claws, peering suspiciously through the branches at Hypno padding relentlessly across the snow. A Sonic Boom growled by, throwing up a niveous wave as it ploughed through a snowdrift.

“Hypnosis: Meowth,” Warbeck ordered with a smile.

“Fine. Flash,” Eve parried with a smile of her own. Hypno hooted in distress, his pendulum swinging wildly as he shielded his eyes from the sudden glare.

“Get it,” Eve snarled. It was all the instruction Meowth needed. He flowed across the snow like a feline shadow. The Ice field forced him to slow down to short, careful bursts, all claws out for traction. Hypno tried to chase him with Psybeams, looping them over the shrubs and hillocks he was using as cover. Each Psybeam melted a pothole in the snow with a plume of steam. Meowth dashed to the top of a drift, bunched his muscles and leapt at Hypno’s head. Unperturbed by the claws aimed at his face he coolly drew his hand back and chopped it forward, throwing a Psycho Cut right at Meowth.

“Watch out!” Eve yelled uselessly. Somehow Meowth managed to twist aside, the Psycho Cut hissing right by his belly, landing behind Hypno with a muffled thump. He wriggled snarling to his feet – Hypno pivoted on the spot, fist swinging, and deftly slugged him with Drain Punch, plunging him right into a snowdrift.

“Oh, gods!” Eve squeaked. With considerable difficulty Meowth dug himself out of the snow. A wave of cheers and applause rose from the stands, Warbeck's supporters hollering encouragement. In the front row Whitney was vivaciously giving her analysis to her apprentices while they simultaneously laughed amongst themselves, happily exaggerating flinches at Meowth's injury.

“She’s starting to floun-der!” one of them loudly observed.

Try shutting your beak and engaging your brain, Eve thought uncharitably. I’m not trapped yet.

“Well, there’s always the clinic, amirite girls?”

Eve had heard that tone before, that smug, knowing, condescending, dismissive tone that inevitably presages a patronising remark. Georgia Lovelace used the same tone that night on Brightwater Mile. Till then it had been a good night on the luminous, exuberant street. Especially in her good mood Eve couldn't help but join in on what should have been a friendly exchange of rivalrous banter. But Lovelace had to take that tone -

“I’m not, uh, sure your lineage is like, applicable here?” Lovelace said, her polite voice redolent with disingenuity. She glanced round at the other Tigerlilies as if to say ‘Am I right, girls?’. No-one overtly backed her up, but predictably no-one challenged her either. They all just avoided her glance, tacitly supporting her with smiles.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Eve coldly replied, throwing down her gauntlet.

“No offence, but your family doesn’t exactly have a proud tradition of turning out great pokémon trainers,” Winters said brusquely.

Is that all they saw her as – Lovelace, Winters, those Goldenrod Gym bitches in the stands? A nurse playing at being a trainer? Lovelace had watched her blaze through the opposition in the Heats and the first compliment, the only compliment she had was ‘Nice tits Evelina’! Well she wasn’t going to pretend to be someone she wasn’t just to fit an image. She wasn’t going to stop dyeing her hair or wear coloured contacts or pretend she didn’t know how to heal, treat, cure or medicate her own damn pokémon! Her life, her terms.

Deep down a quiet voice kept saying that someone who truly lived on their own terms would not, could not be provoked by anyone else’s idiot opinion and would be happier for it. But it wasn’t in her nature to be serene about it. She wanted to win.

*​

Eve could feel the edges of her ears burning. The fluttering pidgey in her stomach seemed to have caught fire and melted into a pool of hot oil.

Somehow she’d lost the initiative. With an expert flick Hypno sent a Psycho Cut skimming gracefully across the snow. A Meowth clone ran right into it and vanished instantly as it cut off his legs. What was left of the Double Team kept trying to harass Hypno – he swiped at the real Meowth with Drain Punch and calmly blasted another clone with a quick Psybeam.

Eve threw a quick scowl at Whitney’s consoeurs. This was not normal. Usually Meowth's Double Team at least reset the tempo of the battle, but neither Hypno nor Warbeck had been so much as discomfited. It didn’t help that the sodding ice was restricting Meowth's agility.

“Disable it,” Warbeck ordered. Hypno oscillated his pendulum meditatively – Meowth scraped to a halt, whiskers flat against his face, then spat a vile curse in revenge for having his Double Team Disabled. A Magnet Bomb explosion flashed in Eve’s peripheral vision. Screwball was hovering close to the snow facing Berkowicz’s marowak standing his ground forty feet away, wielding his weapon in both hands. That bone club looked like a fearow’s ulna – it was three feet long, nearly as long as Marowak was tall. He quickly brought it up and flicked away a Magnet Bomb, which burst behind his head.

“Marowak, quit playing and demolish it!” Berkowicz called.

“Enveloppez-lui avec Bombaiment.”

Marowak charged – and Screwball unleashed a torrent of Magnet Bombs, the staccato chink-chink of it rapidly reloading like machine-gun fire. It slowed Marowak’s charge down to a walk – he simply and precisely blocked and deflected each Bomb, the intensity of the barrage eclipsing him with flashing steel-blue explosions. The instant he was in range Marowak brought his bone club back slightly, hurriedly swung it forwards and snapped back to a defensive guard. In his haste he didn’t land a square blow, though it was still powerful enough to slug Screwball into a bush with a cacophonic crackle of breaking branches.

“This isn’t working,” Josh said.

“No, it’s not,” Eve admitted. “Meowth, forget Hypno, Water Pulse that marowak! Double Team as soon as you can!”

“Eevee.”

“Sorry, sorry. Um, Havoc.”

“Psybeam: Meowth,” Warbeck ordered. Eve had chosen her strategy well. Almost as soon as Hypno raised his hand a Charge Beam thumped into his pendulum. The string burst into flame and crumbled to ash, the liberated weight dropping smoking into the snow. Josh’s mouth curved into a faint smile. Cunning bastard. That’s put a stop to Hypnosis.

“Keep Hypno busy, I’m unleashing Meowth,” Eve said. “Get your claws into Marowak!”

[I’ll slice you yet, cully,] Meowth threatened, throwing Hypno a venomous look. He ran at Marowak just as Screwball loosed a Charge Beam, missed, re-aimed and fired again. Hypno launched a Psybeam to intercept it, and another, and another as Screwball kept up the Charge Beam barrage with a magnemite’s robotic patience. Meowth let out a triumphant yell and suddenly exploded into a clowder of Double Team.

“Slash him! Drive him back!” Eve hollered. Come on, if I can just force them apart!

Marowak took a guard as the clowder closed in. He thrust at the face of the first clone to attack and feinted at the second, taking a step back as he returned to guard. His club was like an osseous wall, guarding, feinting and threatening – Meowth drove him backwards step-by-step even as Marowak steadily broke apart his Double Team.

I’m going to rip the initiative from you, Eve thought, scowling at Berkowicz glittering on the far side of the field.

“Meowth – return … Bailey, you have the honour,” Eve commanded. She deliberately dropped the Ball a yard in front of Josh, about one hundred feet from Marowak. Bailey manifested as still and unresponsive as a lump of iron. Berkowicz obviously realised she was still asleep.

“Whatever. Marowak, demolish the forretress instead,” she called, tossing away her cigarette end.

Bailey quietly unlocked her shell. Her siphons slowly extruded from the bellicosal vents. She swivelled in place slightly to focus on the marowak rapidly closing down the distance.

“Take Down, Take Down!” Eve shouted.

“Watch it!” Berkowicz called. Marowak threw himself into a roll – Bailey hurtled past in front of an electromagnetic cushion, bouncing and skipping across the ground.

Bailey’s not fast enough, Eve realised. Take Down would be decisive, she could feel it, if she could somehow pin Marowak’s feet in place. The smoky haze from Screwball’s patient attacks was creeping over the battlefield like syrup. Evelina Joy, you blockhead, you’ve forgotten your anvil!

She punched Josh on the arm. “Get Screwball to repeat that Magnet Bomb thing.”

Josh gave her a tired look. “What?”

“Please, sweetling, just trust me.”

“Fine. Screwball, enveloppez, uh … Ossateur avec Bombaiment.”

“Keep on doing that if you like, the same thing’s going to happen,” Berkowicz insisted. Once again her marowak skilfully blocked Screwball’s incessant Magnet Bombs. Eve wasn’t going to give Warbeck any time to think -

“Take Down!” she sang out. Bailey wheeled back around, staring inscrutably at Marowak to judge distance. Down slammed her steel shell, with a sudden explosion of movement she charged, carving a sinuous channel in the snow.

“Hypno: um – stop it!” Warbeck yelled. Her pokémon improvised with a wild rain of psychic attacks. Psycho Cuts merely scratched her shell, Psybeams pounded the snow into icy runnels of meltwater. Marowak desperately spared a glance at Bailey – she cannoned into him, flinging him away like a rag doll while Magnet Bombs splashed off her armour.

“Yes!” Eve roared.

The surge of cheering drowned out the referee's ruling. Up on the scoreboard the marowak icon under Berkowicz’s portrait went dark. There were yells of ‘Cherrygrove! Cherrygrove!’ evidently from her fellow townsmen in the stands. Somewhere near the back a group of teenage girls hoisted a six-foot banner: EVELINA NICE KILL!

Eve winked roguishly at Josh. “Someone’s getting a reward – hey, what’s up?”

Josh tipped his cloche over his forehead, a faintly tense expression on his face. “Headache. Doesn’t matter,” he said concisely. He took advantage of the lull to sign a few curt orders.

Berkowicz lit up a fresh cigarette, taking a long loving drag heedless of the referee giving her a pointed look. One of his assistants hurried up to issue a procrastination warning – with insolent indifference she sent her venomoth back into the battle.

“Trainers ready …” the referee called, “and begin!”

“Quick, Pin Missile Venomoth!” Eve barked.

“Mag-ne-mite!” A bright nimbus of light shone around Screwball, long sparks snapping from his magnets. An expression of dawning horror formed on Warbeck's face as Screwball turned towards Hypno. The Charge Beam seared across the battlefield, detonating with a deep boom and a swelling cloud of black smoke.

“Oh!” the crowd collectively exclaimed, followed by a brief storm of applause. At the same time Bailey launched a wide spread of Pin Missiles at Venomoth. Hardly any of them hit, but they didn’t need to.

“Return, Bailey. Well done, girl,” Eve said. “Lyra, you have the honour!”

[And the honour is mine!] Lyra yelled happily.

“Hypno: Disable that magnemite!” Warbeck ordered, her composure slipping a little.

“Bring it down, Joy! Bring it down, Joy!”

Hypno hobbled painfully from the smoke, his fur soaked through by snow melted by the heat of the Charge Beam. It’s high time you got rid of that hypno, Eevee-girl. Eve assessed him with a professional eye. The poison’s sinister effects should be taking hold by now – he was definitely losing macular vision, judging by his poor accuracy with Psycho Cut. After that Charge Beam impact he shouldn't be able to keep battling much longer -

“Well, you heard them!” Eve called. “Bring Hypno down!”

Josh stifled a cry of pain in the same moment that Hypno flung a Psycho Cut at Screwball. Lyra pounced on him with fists flying.

“I need a Light Screen,” Josh said tersely, under the sound of Hypno failing to fend off Lyra’s Comet Punch.

“Lyra, back off and use Light Screen!” Eve immediately called.

Hypno raised his hand for yet another Psycho Cut as Light Screen tessellated together around Lyra and Screwball, and hesitated, swaying slightly. The completed Light Screen flashed and faded away.

Warbeck plucked a Poké Ball out of the air. “Hypno, that’s enough. Come back.”

That’s the last of him, Eve thought judiciously. Even if Warbeck sent Hypno back into battle later he wouldn’t last long.

“I doubt Screwball can take another hit,” Josh said quietly.

“Alright, just run support and I’ll strengthen our lead.”

“Bronzor, appear,” Warbeck said, levitating Bronzor’s Poké Ball back into orbit just as Bronzor levitated into position.

[Am I getting the moth?] Lyra called.

“Cut it down!” Eve answered.

The Air Cutter hit Venomoth right in the thorax and neatly split the exoskeleton – it fluttered madly for a moment, Bronzor raising a Light Screen a couple of seconds too late.

“Hey, get it together. And Silver Wind,” Berkowicz said. Venomoth’s quick, flickery wing beats drove down Silver Wind in powerful pulses. Lyra escaped from under it by quickly ascending to match Venomoth’s altitude. It responded by ascending further, racing Lyra in a battle for height.

“Cage. Cage-Éclair: Venomoth,” Josh said haltingly. A crackling snarl of red-and-blue electricity arched from Screwball to Venomoth. It spasmed jerkily and tumbled to the ground amid the tangled lightning.

“Bronzor, Reflect,” Warbeck ordered over Berkowicz’s violent cursing.

Light Screen and Reflect. One step forward, one step back, Eve thought with a frustrated sigh. Can’t get around it, can’t break it down. Can’t give up.

Nobody said this would be easy. Lyra’s body language was taut, focused and eager. Eve sent her back into the fray with Air Cutter followed by Comet Punch. The combat devolved into a dogged battle of attrition, Venomoth and Lyra battling to find a decisive opening. Warbeck started to use Bronzor as a shield, physically getting in the way of Air Cutter. Light Screen cancelled out Tinted Lens; Venomoth Quiver Danced to try and regain the upper hand. Almost as soon as Berkowicz struggled to build Venomoth up than Josh struggled to break it down with Eerie Impulses and Metal Sound.

A tired and battered Lyra circled at about twenty feet, deliberately keeping Venomoth at a lower altitude. This was not Eve’s way of battling. She didn’t like being locked into endurance matches, battling her pokémon into exhaustion. But Meowth couldn't do a lot to two airborne pokémon and she didn’t want to waste Bailey’s endurance against Tinted Lens. Eve pulled a face, came to a decision, and punched Josh’s arm.

“I’m going to attack as soon as their Reflect falls,” she said. He gave a shallow nod.

“Lyra, keep your distance for now!” Eve called, watching intently. Berkowicz, frowning suspiciously, had Venomoth bust a Quiver Dance whilst neither of them were attacking. Any moment now – there. There, the faint blue shimmer of Reflect falling.

“Now, Comet Punch!”

[Yea-heh-eeah!] Lyra whooped, dropping into a dive.

“Bronzor, block that!” Warbeck commanded.

“Rayon Chargé: Bronzor.”

The Charge Beam flicked Bronzor away like a sixpence. Lyra crashed into Venomoth like a scarlet bullet, passion overriding her weariness. Venomoth fought back vigorously, their mid-air combat turning into a chaotic blur of smashed Reflect hexes and glowing Light Screens, changing so fast even the Pokédex couldn’t make sense of it: “Confusion – Comet Punch, a Nor- Giga Drain -”

[Bloody! Give! In!] Lyra buzzed in fury. She dropped away from Venomoth to get her bearings – immediately a Charge Beam narrowly missed Venomoth.

Berkowicz blew out an angry stream of smoke. “Deal with that magnemite.”

A blue glow seized Screwball – it let out a strangled “Magnemite!” before Confusion slammed him into the frozen ground. There was a distinct crunch of shattering ice.

“K-O! K-O! K-O!”

“Magnemite is unable to battle!” the referee confirmed to a chorus of cheers. Josh recalled Screwball, murmuring thanks to it through the Ball. He visibly hesitated, tipping his hat over his eyes to hide his pained frown.

“Er … um,” he began, fiddling indecisively with his bag.

“You ok sweetling?”

“Hang on … got it. Ivysaur, battle's on.”

“Begin!” called the referee.

“Anvil,” Eve said instinctively. “Lyra, let’s finish what we started -”

“That’s enough, Venomoth,” Berkowicz interrupted. “Baton Pass to Corsola.”

Bitch. That’s just what I would do. Eve sighed in what she hoped was an irritable way. The hot oil of her fury had cooled. They just wouldn't break! It was like trying to batter down a brick wall with a plastic hammer. She was holding on to the slimmest of leads; she was pretty sure Josh’s headache was burning through his concentration.

The nerves were scratching to be let back in.

What happens if I fail?

Next Chapter: The Twin-Tailed Cat

 

[Ereshkigal]

“Yeah, yeah, the forgettable one.”

This one made me giggle. I suspect this is exactly what Josh wants on some level, but also that he's conflicted.

Josh gave her a tired look. “What?”

“Hypno: um – stop it!” Warbeck yelled.

Josh tipped his cloche over his forehead, a faintly tense expression on his face. “Headache. Doesn’t matter,” he said concisely.

“Cage. Cage-Éclair: Venomoth,” Josh said haltingly.

“Er … um,” he began, fiddling indecisively with his bag.

My first question is... Is Josh under psychic attack? One easy way a psychic could take out someone like Josh, who effectively is the Tactician embodied, is by taking out his ability to analyze without being obvious about it. We know that Warbeck is a psychic, and it could be a nice way for her to gain an advantage over her opponent without harming them. Whether or not it's legal depends on how you present the League's stance on such, so even if it's not included in the story I would like to know more about how the League handles psychics. Josh has never shown headaches before when in tough situations, so this does seem very unusual.

Part of what makes me consider this is that Warbeck also seems to be distracted after a certain point, and around the same time Josh starts having trouble. If she was busy with a mental assault on him, it makes some sense she would be distracted.

I will admit your title also drove me to consider that.

‘Top Ten Tigerlily Titties’

This is a very unfortunate truth of real life, and sadly one I don't know will change. As soon as I saw that, I imagined it on the covers of several magazines.

The one thing I have noticed is that elements like this keep creeping in, helping build the world and make it feel more real. How the characters react to it also builds the world, and reminds us very much of the very deep flaws people often have and how those flaws can seriously affect someone's actions.

I look forward to seeing Eevee's reaction at being in one of those mags, though. Part of me suspects she'll be outraged, and part of me suspects she'll buy one and leave it on Josh's pillow, opened to her page as a hint XD

“You ok sweetling?”

This, right here, is what makes me think this tournament is important not just for establishing Eevee as a serious trainer and the Joys as being acceptable for taking other jobs, but also important to the relationship between Josh and Eevee. The more they fight together, the closer they are growing, and the more reasons they'll find not to leave each others' sides.

“K-O! K-O! K-O!”

Remember what I said earlier about crowds? I could imagine a crowd chanting this. This is very much something I think we'd see in stadiums often in the Pokemon world.

Berkowicz lit up a fresh cigarette, taking a long loving drag heedless of the referee giving her a pointed look. One of his assistants hurried up to issue a warning

This is the only area I have a slight issue with. Why didn't we see this earlier, when she was first entering? Showing something like this earlier or possibly referencing her having more than one warning later would be an easy way to establish this wasn't just a one-time thing, but an actual rule or policy they have about smoking.

 

[Ghostsoul]

Since I kind of admire you and the reviews that you give, any of my reviews for this have been a long time coming. This will be simply as I go along and will just consist of the prelude and the first chapter as they are for now.

Not much to say about the prelude (although that's only because of it's length) I enjoy your insight into the whole idea of Poke Balls and what they are. Does similar commentary or meaning appear later in the fic too? It feels very fresh indeed.

Onto Chapter 1:

His reflection stared back at him – an oval face, with calm, dark eyes. A head of tightly-curled black hair framed his features, half-hiding his ears. Narrow framed glasses rested on his nose, slightly bent out of shape from long use.

You seem to introduce the character's appearance rather quickly, within the second paragraph. The reflective surface also seemed rather convenient so you could just about avoid the 'looked in the mirror, describe your own appearance' cliche. I think it's mostly a personal thing but I think there are better things that can be included within the first few paragraphs and descrinbing a character's appearance all at once is not my favourite choice.

“Oh. Nurse Joy. Sorry, what dun ye be a-saying? I mean,” he said, realising his accent had slipped out, “um, I'm fine, thanks.”

I like your usage of the accent here, although it's kind of obvious to the audience how his accent 'slipped out' especially since he is so quick to correct himself, I don't feel as if we need to be told this.

He focused on the bracelet around her wrist – lapis lazuli beads, finished with a flower in the shape of a forget-me-not bloom.

He seems to know a lot about flowers and specific gemstones if it took him so quickly to work them out! Can we all tell Lapis Lazuli is Lapis Lazuli at first glance since there are so many other blue gemstones?

“You like my bracelet?” Joy said, smiling.

Not a criticism, Joy seems quite perceptive if she can tell what Josh is feeling simply by him glancing her for a few seconds!

Joy sat down opposite him, shuffling around a bit to get comfortable. “Is that what bothers you? Well, my name is Christine, since all my family are called Joy. I guess I'm not a stranger any more, am I?”

“That's the most absurd thing I've heard in a while,” he said with a weak laugh. “I'm Josh. From Mulberry Town.”

Character relationships here appear to be progressing very quickly, despite the fact that Josh was kind of rude to Joy/Christine earlier. They seem to be discussing where they live and the like within a few sentences, I would wait at least a little longer, not a lot longer but it still seems a bit too fast for me.

Because as far as he was concerned, pokémon training was a dead-end job that would see him quit within the month.

I think this is a nice introduction to Josh's life, I haven't seen any characters with the perception that 'Pokemon training is a dead-end job' before (even if, in the games it was shown most trainers don't actually earn that much unless they are very good at it). Although I don't expect Josh's father's perspective to be considerd as a legitimate view point if the fic considering who he is, we'll see.

like the ones that lined the road east of Route 30 – a wood of smooth-limbed beeches, their naked branches full of pidgey that fluttered onto the path to scratch about in the dirt.

That's some good quality description I must say. It really does make the Pokemon World itself much more vibrant.

But the industry started to disappear during the seventies, and with it the town's prosperity.

The seventies? That seems very specific, I'm not sure if the audience need to know this, perhaps it'll feel a little less unesseary if the sentence 'flowed' a little better, or rather seemed softer.

The girl retrieved her backpack with a mixture of triumph and embarrassment, shyly throwing him a grateful look. She was somewhere in her early twenties, a little taller than him, with a willowy figure. She was wearing a burgundy coat with coffee brown trousers; a battery of pouches on her belt, and hiking boots on her feet.

It seems quite a coincidence that they are the same age, everyone in the fic so far has been around the same age as Josh. This feels like a nit-pick but at least Brock was a little older than Ash was. I think I'll like to see some more characters of different ages in this fic!

“You never told me your name. Here. Have some fruit,” Joy said between mouthfuls of cheese.

“I'm fine, really. I'm Josh, from Mulberry Town.”

He seemed much quicker and more eager to introduce himself with the other Joy (Christine) than with this Joy this time. He seems eager to talk about himself in general. I guess it's good that you waited a little longer, but now I'm not too sure what to think about his character.

Evelina sipped at her tea and said nothing, giving him a piercing look. “I'm taking the Gym challenge,” she said defensively. “It's not that I don't like looking after pokémon, I just don't want to be in a Pokémon Centre all my life!”

Another idea in this fic I'm quite fond of is the exploration of the 'Nurse Joy's' personalities, most people ignore these characters or just see them as 'clones' it's very nice to see them given some personality for once.

“Don't give up,” she said, “and maybe I'll see you again.”

Of course you'll see Josh again! That's not a question Evelina

-​

There are a lot of original concepts that I like in this fic so far, I think you've really managed to give some more 'weight' to the Pokemon World setting in general through some good worldbuilding and looking into concepts which aren't usually explored in slice-of-life style fics. The battle scenes themselves were also pretty reminiscent of the anime, which I see as some good detail. I wasn't really too sure what to think of the characters so far, Christine and Eveline seemed fairly similar (and I'm not even sure if Christine was a relevant character, will we see her again or did you just use her to possibly introduce some concepts?) and I'm really not sure what to think of Josh since I'm not getting too clear of a personality from him, he's stubborn, rash and a little arrogant but a little bland in some places. I fear as I read on Eveline as a travelling companion might overpower him as a character, but I'll have to see. Some of my points feel like nit-picks but they are honestly just the first things that I thought of when I read the chapter.
I hope my review was helpful or at least decent.

 

[Beth Pavell]

It's been about a month now, so I think I ought to get round to some responses:

This is a very unfortunate truth of real life, and sadly one I don't know will change. As soon as I saw that, I imagined it on the covers of several magazines.

I'll own up to this one - I just thought of it pretty much at random one day and thought it as funny, so found a way to work it in. I'm half-tempted to find a way to make fun of the women's mag equivalent, the kind where the articles gleefully leer at dinosaur backs and supposedly extraneous curves.

I look forward to seeing Eevee's reaction at being in one of those mags, though. Part of me suspects she'll be outraged, and part of me suspects she'll buy one and leave it on Josh's pillow, opened to her page as a hint XD

Don't be silly. She'd leave it closed, bookmarked with underwear.

Remember what I said earlier about crowds? I could imagine a crowd chanting this. This is very much something I think we'd see in stadiums often in the Pokemon world.

This is one of those moments where I think "Oh good, I've got away with it". I'll readily admit I wasn't at all sure whether the crowd reactions would land.

This is the only area I have a slight issue with. Why didn't we see this earlier, when she was first entering? Showing something like this earlier or possibly referencing her having more than one warning later would be an easy way to establish this wasn't just a one-time thing, but an actual rule or policy they have about smoking.

Oh dear. That's going to need an edit then - the point was supposed to be that Berkowicz is taking too long in selecting her next pokémon, something that's discouraged (My reasoning is that it could be abused to artificially extend the amount of time an opponent is subjected to poison, etc).

@Ghostsoul : Right, well, how to start with this. Well, the first four chapters, more or less, were written without a clear plan. One and Two had their origin years ago when I wrote both pretty much stream-of-consciousness. When I came to reboot the story, so to speak, I tried to keep the essence of them, and they've been repeatedly edited ever since.

I've never really been happy with Chapter One, though I'm more or less fine with the next three. The appearance description is a bit unsubtle, though it fits the tone of the moment; the conversation with Christine Joy usually strikes people as contrived; the personalities of the characters in general don't quite fit what I settle into later on. Really what it needs, if I'm being honest, is pretty much a rewrite from scratch. That's something I would have already done, but, I have a limited amount of time so it comes down to a choice of keeping the story going with new chapters or rewriting old ones.

I think - and you may well agree with this in light of future chapters, if you come to read them - I may well have benefited from starting with leaving home rather than trying to avoid that particular journeyfic cliché. I like the Prologue, but it doesn't really do enough to be left unedited either.

I'm glad you've liked some of the concepts I've been playing around with. One thing I've tried to bring to the story is a sense of maturity that you don't usually see with often young teen protagonists. The best way I can explain that is in reference to AG101, where Drake asks Ash what he'll do after becoming a Pokémon Master. Ash doesn't seem to understand the question, and it's never mentioned again, but the idea of "now what?", "What am I going to do with my life" is something I found I experienced at 21. I hope that it's a relatable question for a lot of young adults.

So, to round this off. I think I settle into the story after a while - much as I hate to say it, because doesn't it just sound like "It gets better I promise". But what the hell, you can always look at the reviews if you like (Some of the more recent ones are probably more representative. As you've probably noticed I edit in response to feedback)

 

[Beth Pavell]

Chapter Twenty Seven – The Twin-Tailed Cat (Version 1.0)

Evelina​

Once, in the last year of high school, Eve had tried to explain the Joy notion of prestige to her friends.

There are basically three things a Joy could do, what Eve used to call ‘Good girl goals’. One, the ‘professions’, as they called them. If you didn’t want to be nurse, a surgeon, a breeder, etc, you could always be a scientist. Aunt Immey liked that one, when she was backing Mum up. What about a cryptozoologist, like Aunt Elswith from Whitstone, who proved the existence of the giant cloyster? Or like Aunt Camilla, who discovered the vampire misdreavus?

Or you could get married, or perhaps more accurately, get pregnant – yes, that was a good girl goal, especially if you were going to be having a girl. Eve wasn’t sure how she felt about that one. No, she didn’t want to have children soon, but she hadn’t ruled it out, per se …

Leofwyn had pointed out that there was a lot of choice within those parameters. But to Eve, that was never the point. Her life, her terms.

Though you’d have to break all her fingers to get her to admit it, there were times when Eve wondered whether her stubbornness was really worth it. Great Aunt Judith’s eightieth birthday party was definitely one of those times. None of the other girls had talked to her. Oh, they weren’t so artless as to crassly ignore her – they’d politely reply if she addressed them directly. And then they’d go back to talking amongst themselves.

Her school friends had pretty much drifted away by then. She was having trouble making university friends. In many ways those were lonely years, Eve remembered.

Or, you could win something. Then it almost didn’t matter what you were, as long as you were the best.

*​

“K-O! K-O! K-O!”

The Ice field looked like a battleground, which was appropriate. The scarred and gouged snow was perforated with strings of craters full of icy water. Dark clouds of smoke merged slowly into one another like syrup. Hazily through the murk Eve could still see Warbeck's Poké Balls in a gentle psychic orbit around her body, and the indifferent golden figure of Berkowicz.

“Magnemite is unable to battle!” the referee announced. Josh hesitated for a painfully long moment, his headache apparently burning through his concentration.

“You ok sweetling?” Eve said.

“Hang on,” he replied. “Got it. Ivysaur, battle's on.”

“Begin!” called the referee.

“Anvil,” Eve said instinctively. “Lyra, let’s finish what we started -”

“That’s enough, Venomoth,” Berkowicz interrupted. “Baton Pass to Corsola.”

Bitch, Eve thought, trying to stay angry. She just had to be Tigerlily Champion. Honours and accolades eclipsed everything else – and then they’d all have to lionise her. However bitter it was on their tongue.

Berkowicz’s corsola squealed in pain from Toxic Spikes piercing all five of its stumpy feet – at some point it must have regenerated one too many.

“Bronzor, Double Team,” Warbeck ordered. One bronzor became twenty in less than two seconds.

“Leech Seed: Bronzor,” Josh countered.

“Corsola,” Berkowicz said, “time for Power Gem.”

Bollocks! “Block that!” Eve called.

The top half of Corsola’s body started to glow a deep magenta, a thin laser beam firing from its ventral horn and targeting Lyra’s thorax. Corsola tipped its coral branches forwards into attack position – Eve was vaguely aware of Ivysaur planting Leech Seeds on Bronzor. Gods, I hope Lyra’s timing is sharp.

Corsola launched the end of a branch like a rocket – there was a flash of green from Lyra’s Protect, the Power Gem shattering against it in a shower of coral shards.

“Good girl!” Eve yelled. “Take out that bronzor," she told Josh, a lot more sharply than she intended.

“Oh. Er … leave it to me.”

You’ve got to trust him. “Lyra girl, Drain Punch Bronzor!”

Wings thrumming healthily, Lyra looped round into the attack, getting in two good strikes to the reverse.

“Move on, girl! Corsola!” Eve yelled – if she kept Lyra moving it would be that much harder to nail her with a Power Gem.

“Skill Swap: Ledian,” Warbeck snapped out. Bronzor lost Levitation and thunked onto the dirt. A hot splash of anger sizzled in Eve’s chest but Lyra swept on regardless.

Aurora Beam painted the air with cold fire, missed Corsola by inches and evaporated. Flying through the ephemeral embers, Lyra struck. Green bubbles briefly foamed out in their hundreds like exploded soda. Corsola was slammed laterally by the force of the blows, a severe spider-web crack broken down to its substratum.

Josh issued a complex order in Kalosian, Ivysaur loping off towards the opposing side of the field. Fortunately the Kalosian made Warbeck cautious – she ordered a Double Team rather than something to support her ally. Time to finish off Corsola -

“Recover,” Berkowicz ordered. The timely Recover drew a volley of hollered approbation from the crowd. Agh, damnit damnit damnit! Battling them was like trying to smash down a wall with a plastic hammer – every attempt at a decisive breakthrough was reduced to an exercise in pounding it into rubble, brick by brick.

Lyra was definitely going to need Iron Fist. “Lyra, good, return.”

Eve flung Meowth into the battle as fast as she could, trying not to give any opportunity for a joint attack on Ivysaur.

“Aqua Ring, Corsola.”

“Growth.”

“Don’t stop moving, Meowth!” Eve called, keeping a weather eye on Bronzor. It deftly assembled a Reflect shield. Corsola was glancing this way and that, bewildered, while Meowth dashed in unpredictable zig-zags. Berkowicz seemed to be as confused as her pokémon, issuing no new orders.

Good, Eve thought firmly.

“Meowth! Return!” she called. “Lyra, you have the honour!”

“Forget it!” Berkowicz yelled. “Screw it,” she continued in a more normal tone. “Corsola, kill the ivysaur. Icicle Spear.”

Corsola stippled Ivysaur with a tight blitz of serrated ice-javelins. The attack ripped through an unlucky bush, flaying off half the leaves. Ivysaur's howl of pain competed with the yelling crowd; thick, sticky haemosap spattered onto the snow.

“K-O! K-O!”

“Leech Seeds!” Josh shrieked, but Ivysaur was already recalling them, the tumbleweed bundle flailing across the snow. Two dozen Bronzor clones instantly flashed out of existence, Ivysaur's bleeding wounds visibly knitting together. Bronzor didn’t move. It just lay there, like a dropped penny. No-one else reacted either. After a moment one of the assistant referees dashed along the sideline. She whipped an arm into the air.

“Bronzor is unable to battle!”

Eve let out a rousing whoop of relief. “When all you’ve got is a plastic hammer, huh bud?” she said.

Josh shrugged vaguely. There was a golden-yellow shimmer around Corsola as the opposing Light Screen fell.

“What do you think? Checkmate?” Eve said.

“Er – don’t know. You lead the strategy.”

“Right, you’ve got Corsola, then,” she said decisively.

“Hypno, appear!” Warbeck commanded. Hypno hunched over, peering myopically through the smoky haze. He automatically tried to grasp a pendulum string that wasn’t there.

Stalling, are we? “Lyra, finish it off!”

[You got it!]

Corsola grabbed a chance to Recover as Lyra gained height, keeping both her opponents in sight. Corsola’s Recover had only just completed when Ivysaur cracked down his Vine Whips – she hopped aside, assisted by a Baton Passed speed boost. Air Cutter chopped through the lingering murk and smashed into Hypno’s right side. He toppled over into the snow. By now he was obviously blinded by Poison, hooting and trying to fling Psybeams freehand.

“Hypno is unable to battle!”

Nice try, Warbeck, Eve thought.

“Corsola’s the keystone of this battle,” Eve said.

“I’ll crush it into gravel,” Josh growled.

“Well, good,” Eve said automatically. “Are you feeling better?”

“A little. Better enough.”

They were at a fulcrum point, and Eve was sure Warbeck knew it as well. Two of her orbiting Poké Balls returned themselves to her pocket. She picked a third out of the air, slowly, pensively.

“It’s time,” she said. The crowd actually quietened down to hear her. “Unmask your eyes! Meowstic, appear!”

Warbeck's meowstic was a silky white, accented with midnight blue. She stumbled briefly thanks to Toxic Spikes and returned to her elegant posture stood on the balls of her feet, pretending nothing had happened. There was an intense look in her sullen eyes as if she were sizing up their pokémon. Spying out weaknesses. Eve cautiously scanned it with her Pokédex.

“Meowstic (Female), the Constraint Pokémon. The eyeball-like organs on the interior of its ears emit psychic energy. It keeps its ears tightly closed to prevent psychic incontinence.”

She's a beautiful pokémon. And dangerous. Warbeck’s finally unleashed her ace.

“This could be dangerous,” Josh said quietly, echoing her thoughts.

“You’ve seen meowstic before?”

“Ah. In Lumiose. Never seen one in battle, though.”

“Nor me,” Eve said thoughtfully. “Let’s go with Checkmate anyway.”

The referee flourished his flags. “And begin!”

“Lyra, Light Screen!”

“Power Gem at the ledian,” Berkowicz said.

“Charge Beam: Ledian,” Warbeck ordered.

Meowstic powered up her Charge Beam into a sparking aura – Corsola glowed magenta, firing her target-laser.

“Watch out, this’ll be tricky!” Eve called. Come on Lyra, come on, get this dodge right!

Ivysaur quickly grabbed Corsola with all his Vine Whips and flung her aside, ruining her aim – Power Gem went wide, exploding somewhere up near the ceiling. Charge Beam missed, Lyra dodging up and over the attack.

“Herbizarre, rapprochez à Corayon.”

“I’ve had enough!” Eve declared. “You will not withstand my ace! Lyra, Thunderpunch!”

She curled out on a wide hooking attack run, diving sharply and levelling off close to the battlefield surface. Her fists all blazed brilliant with fizzing, spitting electricity.

“Break through! Break through!” Eve yelled.

Lyra slammed into Corsola like a thunderbolt, illuminating the Amphitheatre with a hard white flash of light. The jagged rattling-tinfoil sound of the thunder banged deafeningly off the walls. Stray lightning-filaments stabbed craters into the field. There was an immense hiss of snow rising as steam, mingled with a great swell of crowd screams and cheers.

Too late Eve spotted Meowstic’s charged and aimed Charge Beam. “Lyra!”

“Protégez Lyra!”

A leaping silhouette suddenly occluded Charge Beam’s glare, occluded in turn by an expanding smoke cloud. Eve couldn't see anything – the assistant referees were running down the sidelines – even Madam Pemberton was leaning forward in her seat. The smoke thinned slightly, revealing Corsola keeled over in a muddy clearing ringed with mushy snow. Ivysaur gave Meowstic a cool look, smoke rising from the Charge Beam burn on his flank.

“What the actual f-” Berkowicz began.

“Corsola is unable to battle!”

[Who’s the ace?] Lyra crowed. [Who is the ace!]

The corsola icon on the scoreboard went dark. Cheers of ‘Cherrygrove!’ and ‘Evelina!’ amongst a wave of applause showered down. Eve breathed a little relieved giggle. With four swift Thunderpunches Lyra had punched right through their defences. No more Light Screens, no more Reflect, and no more damn Recover!

“We’re nearly home, bud!” Eve said excitedly. She punched him on the arm again.

“Ow! Stop doing that!”

Eve wasn’t really listening to him. “Lyra will need a rest, so let’s do Scalpel, then Havoc.”

“Fine.”

“Right,” Berkowicz said with feigned indifference. She sent out her battered venomoth. “See what you can do.”

Eve had Lyra’s Poké Ball raised and ready. “Lyra, return! Good job, girl. Meowth, you have the honour!”

“Ivysaur … attack Venomoth,” Josh said cautiously. An Aurora Beam from Ivysaur slapped into its hindwing – lingering paralysis rendered its dodge slow and clumsy.

“Double Team, then Slash! You’ve got Meowstic!” Eve yelled. Their Light Screen fell just as Meowth broke into a flurry of Double Team clones, quickly encircling Meowstic.

“War-beck! War-beck!” someone shouted. The chant started to carry round the stands. “War-beck! War-beck!”

“Psychic.”

The command was almost coquettishly given. Meowstic opened her true eyes wide – they burned incandescent yellow, her pupils turning into white pinpricks. She raised her ears, unmasking two staring eyes gleaming a baleful cherry red. Eve could taste a metallic tang at the back of her mouth. The air throbbed.

Josh screamed.

The sound cut through the background tumult like a chainsaw. He collapsed to his knees, clutching at his head like he was trying to stop it from breaking in half. The battle shuddered to an abrupt halt.

“Sweetling, what’s wrong? What’s wrong?” Eve asked urgently, kneeling down beside him.

“Oh sweet Eostre,” he whimpered. “… the power …”

Eve followed his line of sight back to Meowstic. Her Psychic pulse had summarily obliterated Meowth’s Double Team and literally planed smooth a twenty foot circle of snow.

“It’s the Meowstic, isn’t it?” she said. A weak nod. Tears of pain flecked the corners of his eyes.

One of the assistant referees ran back down the sideline. “Is she ok?” she asked.

“You can’t go on like this!” Eve half-protested, half-commanded. “What happens if we have to quit?”

“That’s up to the referee. There could potentially be a rematch, but there’s not a lot of time in the schedule. It’s up to you …” she replied, leaving the implied question hanging in the air.

“Mm-mn,” Josh said unexpectedly.

“What?”

“Mm-mn!” he insisted.

The assistant referee gave them an ‘Ok, then’ sort of look and strode back to her neutral position.

“Are you mad?” Eve said. “You can’t battle like this!”

“Take command.”

That shut her up. Take command of his pokémon? While he presumably just – had to be Tigerlily Champion – lay there in pain. How much of a bitch would that make her? Riley would do it, and Riley would win. Would they even listen to her?

“They know you. They love you,” he said, as if he’d read the thought off her face.

Eve tried to pull herself together. Nagging was supposed to be a family talent, for Heaven's sake. “You’ll be in pain every time that bitch cat uses psychic power!”

“Don’t care.”

“Jo-Melissa Evans -”

“Don’t care!”

“Joy! Evans! Are you continuing or not?” the referee yelled.

“Maybe, I mean – yes!” Eve yelled back impulsively.

“Good girl! Fight on!” Whitney chimed out, echoed by her courtiers.

“Ivysaur, Eve’s in charge!” Josh called from down on bended knee. Ivysaur croaked what she hoped was agreement.

“Meowth, Flash and attack!” Eve commanded. She didn’t consciously think about that. A moment’s confusion from Flash gave her enough time to decide what to do about Berkowicz’s last pokémon. “Ivysaur, Vine Whip Venomoth!”

The crowd started their ‘War-beck!’ chant again. Wings whirring, Venomoth climbed to escape Ivysaur's vines and only just made it. Meowth raced past, closing in on an impassive Meowstic.

“Hidden Power,” Warbeck said.

Hidden Power detonated under Meowth's paws with a spout and an expanding plate of indigo fire, flinging him six feet into the air. Dragonfire! - Eve seized the victory charm hanging from her zipper – as an afterthought Meowstic flung a couple more blasts of dragonfire at Ivysaur. Meowth scrabbled from the snow cursing and spitting with rage.

“Go Venomoth! Giga Drain Ivysaur,” Berkowicz suddenly barked. Venomoth swept down on him, wings folded back, using the Hidden Power explosions as cover.

That was a mistake. Ivysaur grabbed it, slammed it once into the field, and trampled it thoroughly.

“Saur,” he said shortly.

“Yes!” Eve hollered with a fierce fist pump. You’ve got Warbeck isolated now, Evelina Joy! Just got to keep hammering away till she breaks. Josh gently nudged her ribs, glancing meaningfully at the stands. Eve’s heart leapt to see Madam Pemberton elegantly applauding her. She saluted the Imperial Champion and earned herself a patrician smile.

“Trainers ready …” the referee shouted. Warbeck was going to fight this to the end.

“And begin!”

Nothing happened for a second or two – both of them were thinking furiously.

Warbeck got there first. “Hidden Power: Meowth!”

The pursuing Hidden Power made it look like Meowth was fleeing through a minefield, dodging and weaving barely a foot ahead of the spouting indigo flame.

“Meowth, Double Team and close!” Eve called instinctively. “Uh, Ivysaur, Vine Whip! Don’t let up!”

Vine Whip bought Meowth some breathing space as Meowstic was forced to skip away from the lashing vines – she was agile, far more agile than her huge twin tails would suggest. Meowth closed en masse, not dodging but merely trying to close as fast as he could.

“Psychic.”

Meowstic stopped in her tracks. Something invisible slapped into Ivysaur like a sledgehammer, squeezing the breath from his lungs. Meowstic’s head swivelled with cold purpose, turning her burning gaze on Meowth. Impacts smacked into the snow at the speed of thought, stippling the Double Team out of existence one-by-one. The last impact blew Meowth out like a light.

Both assistant referees raised an arm.

“Ivysaur and Meowth are unable to battle!” the referee announced. The cheers crashed down like a breaking wave; people were jumping out of their seats, raining down approval for the double KO; up went a twelve-foot ONE MORE KILL, WITCH GIRL! banner blazoned with fire-orange tigerlilies; so many of them were chanting “War-beck! War-beck!”. Whitney was whooping, Cynthia was applauding, Madam Pemberton was applauding.

Eve didn’t even curse. She recalled Meowth without really thinking. Josh’s recall beam followed a moment later. The power of that Psychic … Warbeck had just flattened two pokémon in the space of ten seconds!

“War-beck! War-beck!”

“Keep going, Eevee,” Josh said. “That cat’s still poisoned.”

“I can’t tell if it’s working. And if I can’t tell, you can’t tell,” Eve said snappishly.

“Don’t care. Sooner or later it’ll take effect,” he insisted patiently.

Eve felt a little ashamed of herself. “Ready?” she said more gently.

Josh didn’t say anything. He released Fionn into the field, his sluggishness betraying his headache. Eve followed with Lyra, rested and ready for action.

“Fionn, do what Eve tells you,” Josh said.

“Miiiss!” she whined petulantly.

“Do as you’re told!” Josh snarled, his voice cracking oddly. Fionn was shocked enough to shut up immediately. Might as well let her play games, she won’t listen to anything else without a fight anyway.

The battle restarted with Eve snatching back the initiative. “Fionn, disappear, Lyra, Light Screen!”

Fionn laughed maniacally and slipped easily into the smoky murk. The laugh hung in the air after she’d disappeared.

“Wonder Room,” Warbeck commanded. Meowstic’s eyes flashed briefly. The battlefield instantly looked indefinably but obviously different. Lyra’s Light Screen turned blue and faded away again.

[Oh, you bitch!] Lyra shrieked. She knew that left her vulnerable.

“Charge Beam: Ledian,” Warbeck said as if to prove the point. Long sparks arced and spat from Meowstic’s coat, the acid tang of ozone slicing through the ambient ash-smell.

“Careful, Lyra! Wait -”

A disembodied mouth appeared right by Meowstic’s ear. It screamed in anguish and desolation – she thrashed in terror and fell into the snow, her electric aura extinguishing with a hiss. In a blur of scarlet Lyra dived down into the attack yelling a wordless battle cry. Her blood was up.

“Defend yourself,” Warbeck commanded.

A savage, bitter snowstorm billowed up from nowhere, tinted with pellucid blue witchfire. Lyra pulled up short, flick-rolled left and sped round the storm, trying to find a way through the biting ice. Eve didn’t need Josh’s tears to tell her this was a Psychic manoeuvre.

An Astonish might put a stop to that – then Lyra finishes it. Hang on, where is she? “Fionn, I need you!”

“Meowstic, keep Ledian occupied.”

The air pressure fluctuated wildly; Meowstic slowly raised her arms. Almost in unison Josh fell to his knees, pulling his hat down like he was trying to block her from sight. The swirling blizzard collapsed in on itself, writhing furiously, shards of ice glittering like broken glass. More snow fountained up off the battlefield. Eve realised Meowstic was shaping the snow, moulding it into -

- a rearing serpent of sculpted snow towering twelve feet above them. Fangs of ice as long as her forearm slid into its jaws, witchfire spilled from its empty eye sockets. It lunged at Lyra, and it wasn’t a feint. Lyra barely escaped, cursing breathlessly. The monster tried to roar and ended up engulfing her in a cloud of sparkling diamond dust.

“Fionn! Where the hell are you?” Eve bellowed. “Get back and interfere you little bitch!”

[Bastard!] Lyra snarled. She made a spirited attempt at beheading the serpent with Air Cutter.

A skeletal bush near Meowstic developed a very deep shadow with malicious yellow eyes. Fionn drew breath for Ominous Wind.

“Misdreavus, eight o’clock, two metres,” Warbeck said.

The ice serpent vented a freezing fog of diamond dust, screening Lyra off from her ally. Meowstic’s head whipped round, fixing Fionn in her gaze – witchfire wavered around Fionn as she psychically grabbed her. For a moment she just held her there, frozen. With a sudden flare of witchfire she compressed her into a featureless oran-sized sphere. Fionn couldn't scream, but that didn’t matter because Josh screamed for her.

Meowstic squeezed her brutally for a few seconds and released. Fionn slumped into an amorphous mass of gently sloshing fog.

What … what the hell just happened? Meowstic was tearing through her team so fast … that was three, three pokémon Meowstic had single-handedly smashed. What if I lose?

“Fight on, girl!”

“War-beck! War-beck!”

“Keep going,” he said indistinctly. There were tears on his cheeks. “You’re so close. Meowstic’s still poisoned.”

Yes, she is … Lyra’s Light Screen was effectively useless. Air Cutter had chopped almost halfway through that serpent’s neck but it didn’t seem to have made any difference.

“And begi-”

“Lyra, return!” Eve commanded. “Take the victory KO, Bailey! You have the honour!”

Bailey looked almost small and defiant in the face of the surging psychic power in front of her. Meowstic was still as a statue, staring into space with incandescent eyes. The metallic taste was so strong it was like sucking on a mouthful of tin.

“Take Down!” Eve sang out. Bailey kept her shell raised, eyes open, driving up a bow-wave of snow as she closed down on Meowstic. Suddenly she juddered to an anticlimactic halt as Meowstic seized her. Witchfire flared brightly like she was trying to crush her.

“That’s not going to work twice, Warbeck!” Eve yelled. With a great crunching rush of snow the serpent slithered between Meowstic and Bailey, looming over her predatorialy, the Damoclean threat of its icy fangs hanging over her. Eve narrowed her eyes at them, daring it to shatter them on Bailey’s steel armour. It tried to roar again, venting a vast cloud of glittering, scintillating diamond dust that blocked both Warbeck and her pokémon from view and made Eve shiver violently.

If I can’t see you, you can’t see me. “Pin Missile!”

Warbeck couldn't see that she wasn’t targeting Meowstic. The Pin Missiles punched into the serpent’s body as easily as needles punching into icing sugar. A ripple of detonations blew it apart from the inside, sculpted snow bursting into bluish-white dandelions of flying powder. Meowstic still had a tight psychic hold on Bailey. An avalanche of smashed and molten snow crashed back down.

Eve’s savage yell of triumph was lost in the sound of thundering snow and applause. An idea struck her like divine inspiration. “Bailey, try a Protect!”

The Protect bubble shone green, extinguishing the witchfire flaring on Bailey’s shell – suddenly liberated from that psychic grasp she catapulted forward -

“Stop that Take Down!” Warbeck shrieked.

“Self-Destruct!”

The force of the blast made her bones tremble.

*​

Eve bounced to a halt by the atrium balcony and looked down at the bustling floor below. Her ears were still ringing with the sounds of her victory.‘Meowstic and Forretress are both unable to battle! Victory goes to the team of Evelina Joy and Melissa Evans!’ Riley and Aunt Jocasta were both busy at the front desk with one of the chansey. Aunt Edith dashed by in bloody scrubs, pursued by an orderly. Eve enjoyed the thought of them learning about her victory for a while, her stomach fizzing with elation.

Threading her way past the trainers, she joined the queue for coffee in the cafeteria. Eve had been off to check on Josh, expecting him to be fully horizontal on the bed, head soaked in pain. Apparently though, thank Eostre, he’d recuperated enough to venture out of the room. She tried to pull out her smartphone to text him and add milk to her coffee at the same time. Oh. There he was, sitting in one of the phone bays, back to looking unpretty and unfeminine. He was talking on videophone to a black woman Eve didn’t recognise, holding his fidgeting roselia seedling on his lap. Presently he noticed Eve hovering and reluctantly beckoned her over.

“Yes, this is Eve,” he said in a put-upon kind of voice. “Eve, Mum.”

Eve knew she was looking stupidly surprised. The words ‘I didn’t know your mother was black’ stuck in her mouth. You can’t say that! Inappropriately long pause. Say something!

“Um, hello Mrs Cook,” she managed.

“Aliss, chick, it’s Aliss. Nice to meet you – finally,” she replied, directing that last word at Josh with a pointed look, which he pointedly ignored.

“Are you responsible for his hair?” Aliss asked her with mock disapproval.

“Aha … well, doesn’t he look cuter this way?” Eve tried.

“He looks cuter this way,” Aliss agreed.

“I knew this was a mistake,” Josh cut in, taking a quick draught of his own coffee.

Aliss gave him a reproachful look. “I wish you’d wear your turban.”

“Mum,” Josh said with tired forbearance. This was obviously an old conflict.

“Or at least a head cloth. Goes on easy as a bandana and he still won’t wear it,” she added as an aside to Eve.

“Mum.”

“Anybody’d think ye weren’t proud of your culture.”

“Mum!” Josh protested.

“If ye say so …” Aliss relented. “Josh, Wulf says the holly staves have a-finished seasoning and he’ll put your share aside.”

“My share?” Josh said. “They’re all bloody mine! Thass my coppice, that is!”

“Simmer down, ye silly sausage, I’m a-going to impound them afore work tomorrow,” Aliss said mollifyingly. “Now you go and raise ye weed. Go on, get!”

“Alright, fine. Bye Mum.”

Eve stayed awkwardly quiet while Josh juggled Meg into the crook of an arm and set down his half-finished coffee. “It’s alright. You can say it,” he said.

“Um …” Eve picked her words carefully. “I didn’t know your mum was Native Orange.”

“I know, I don’t look very black. Some quirk of the genes, since Dad’s white. I’ve been identified before now as Alolan, Hoenner, Mizrahim …”

“Um,” Eve said pointlessly. She optimistically tried to cover for her inane response by taking a mouthful of coffee. Unfortunately it turned out to be an accidental mouthful of Josh’s horrible over-sweet battery-acid coffee. She let out a muffled noise of distaste.

“Hm. A question of etiquette – to spit or swallow,” Josh said dryly.

Eve elected to swallow. “That is not funny,” she lied, giggling.

“I thought we were supposed to be being discreet till the Tourney's over!” Josh complained under his breath as they moved away from the phones.

“Chill out, damnit! We’re staying here because it’s the biggest Pokémon Centre in the Empire. Remember?”

“Regardless – stop wriggling Meg! Oh, sorry.”

He’d almost walked into another trainer. She blenched like a meowth caught doing something forbidden. The girl gave the appearance of being smaller than she really was, dressed in a faded green bomber jacket a couple of sizes too big. Her hair, badly dyed orange, looked like she’d tried to cut it with a bread knife. She was clutching a metapod to her chest protectively.

“This is my starter and there’s nothing suspicious about that!” she blurted out.

The nameless girl scuttled off, furtively hugging the walls in a way that made her look conspicuously inconspicuous.

“What do you think that was about?” Eve said.

“Don’t know. Looks like she needs a thick steak on her plate,” Josh replied. “Stop squirming, you!”

“Don’t get any ideas of feeding another girl,” Eve automatically teased. It didn’t get the usual half-smile. He was looking, well, frayed. Apparently getting caught in psychic splash-back for half a battle can be taxing.

“I know. Let’s get away from Millennium Centre for the night,” she suggested. “Oh! I’ll take you to the balneary we saw on Thursday, the one by Brightwater.”

“Eevee, you don’t have to keep paying for things …”

You didn’t have to suffer through a psychic migraine for me. If she’d known he was psychosensitive – I shouldn't have let him do that.

“Oh, shush,” Eve said, rather than waste time winning the argument. “Anyway, no-one’ll recognise us there. A nice hot bath, a nice pink steak, a nice cuddle and you’ll be out like a light.”

Josh hesitated despite the allure of steak. “I ought to revise my notes again before bed.”

“Square! Bet you a shilling we’re as ready as we’re going to be.”

Eve said it cheerfully, but that was a comment with two edges. There was only so much studying even Josh could usefully do. After a point all it wasn’t so much studying as polishing up your anxieties. But the other edge, the other edge was that nothing more could help at this point either.

She pretended not to think about the other edge.

Next Chapter: St. Elmo's Fire

 

[Arkadelphiak]

ALRIGHTALRIGHTALRI

I.

I, me.

It’s the first thought I have, every time I return to my Poké Ball. Like waking up from a dream. I, me. Bulbasaur. It is both who and what I am.

It is always peaceful, here. Like waking up from a dream, I remember the things I did in the physical world. If I chose to, I could push against the circles of the Poké Ball, struggle against the lock that held me in. But I never do. Instead, sometimes I perceive some of what goes on outside. I can hear my trainer, talking to me.

I, me.

I.

*​

The rider’s bicycle made another undignified clank as it bounced through a pothole. Cold rainwater splashed up, drenching the cyclist’s legs. He cursed vaguely, swerving onto the pavement to avoid getting sprayed by a passing van. It was a typically indecisive Mulberry Town day in March, vacillating between winter and spring. It had rained cold and miserable for most of the day, till in the late afternoon the clouds broke and clement spring re-materialised.

I'm pleased you expanded on the prologue. IUuuugh, I'm 3drunk5this. The Bulbasaur part always seemed too minimalist for your style, so this is refreshing. Also, uuuugh, why is your prose so pretty? I can't take it!

With generations of industry came a pantheon of elohim, spirits of steel and soot and ringing hammers.

UGH IT'S SO PRETTY

those absurd fingerless driving gloves of his

Is this a subtle jab at the anime/protagonist glove choices?

“If,” Grey concurred. The proposal for a branch line had been bouncing fruitlessly round Parliament for a few years now. It would open up a lot of opportunities for Mulberry, but Cherrygrove didn’t want it and the Treasury didn’t want to pay for it.

Another good worldbuilding example. As a filthy American, anything with capital-P Parliament makes the sentence ooze British-ness. Gr8. You've also given us a vague idea of the location of Mulberry Town, which I appreciate.

His careers advisor was right, after a fashion. The problem was that the companies hiring fresh-faced, linguistically capable graduates were all based in Goldenrod or Olivine City. Living in Goldenrod was expensive enough; moving there, a small fortune for a working-class boy from Saltwells. He managed to make some money by continuing his university job as a bike courier, but the hours were very inconsistent and the pay thoroughly unimpressive anyway.

Another realistic touch. I'm reminded of the classic "small fortune for the working class" reality that is New York City. A standard cliche, but a living, breathing actuality. I get that. I get why Josh is stuck in this pseudo-blue-collar-hell.

For several years now Josh had been selling homemade jewellery online. It was a hobby, really, something he’d practised at school and started to sell for the hell of it. Wood, aluminium and copper were his favourite materials, but it was the semi-precious stuff that sold best. It wasn’t a lot by anyone’s measure, but ‘Metal Earth Jewellery’ became the much-needed supplementary income to pay for pokémon training.

inb4 josh has a succesful etsy shop
I like this little detail as well. It's a unique bit of characterization on Josh, given that jewellery-making (especially given the prevalence of Etsy in today's world) is viewed as a feminine hobby. Josh is already shaping up to be a bit of a non-conformist. He and Grey don't see exactly eye-to-eye.

“Collier would rather smoke weed than train,” Josh said flatly. “He didn’t lose money, he wasted it.”

10/10 WEED EXISTS IN THE POKEMON WORLD OF PAVELL

who would dare fell a yew?

such brit

It’s a dangerous business, going out your door. If you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might get swept off to.
Josh smiled wryly, and followed the green road into the trees.

UGH. This is so delightfully British that I have to give it a 10/10.

Apparently he’d decided to imprint on Josh, for want of a better term. No-one knew why.

b e c a u s e p l o t

The sky had turned into a flat grey blanket, feigning innocence, as if Johto was above throwing down a surprise hailstorm in March.

Ugh, once again, we have Excellent Pavel Prose™. I can't criticize this as "oo no pruple prose" because it's clear that you've taken extensive time to conjure up a particular mental imagery. You're not just throwing up random words for a pretty result; it's clear to me that you've spent an inordinate amount of time perfecting the minute details of this world. It's purple prose, yes, but it's a defiant stand against modern cynicism.

semen-white flowers

PAVELL NO
3SEXUAL5ME

“Why are you looking at me like that,” she said resignedly.

Should this sentence end with a "?"

“Not at this time, m'lady,” Josh said, deadpan.

M ' L A D Y
Hmm. I almost considered attacking your usage of "," versus "?", but I'll pass this time. I'm afraid I'm 2drunk to give a proper explanation. I still feel that "Why are you looking at me like that," deserves a proper "?" ending.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Evelina said.

aYYYY LMAO YES

“The woods take on blossoms, the towns become fair,
fields grow beautiful, the world hastens on;
all these things urge on the eager mind,
the spirit to the journey, in one who thinks to travel,” she replied.

GT
10/10 SO BEAUTIFUL
I SHIP DAT

 

[Flaze]

Boy, it has been MONTHS since I read this (and your chapters are even longer too ) do excuse me if I can’t cover everything in this review but I’ll try my best. Now, why don’t I check in on how the Tiger Lily Tournament is going.

Chapter 26:

And so the semi finals begin and we start cracking down on Eve’s character and her motivation. We’ve already come to know perfectly well what Eve is fighting for and this chapter reiterates it well. The battle is better than the one in the last few chapters and you do have quite a few dynamic moments here and there that help make it pretty intense. However, I still have to question your reasoning for going with three pokemon double battles. It’s cool in theory, but in practice it kind of draws things out.

My other complain is that it still gets a bit confusing to imagine how everything’s going down. You opt for using the battling style of skipping most moves and just stating what’s happening, but that causes things to clash a bit when you have to keep switching from one move to the next. Another issue I had was that, while it’s nice to get Eve’s thoughts as the battle progresses, it also feels jarring when her thoughts are intermixed with the action. It might sound a lot less realistic but putting her thoughts in between paragraphs rather than alongside it would work better in my views, you already do this for some of the moments during the fight.

Chapter 27:

Well, most of my comments for chapter 27 kind of tie into chapter 26 as well but there are a few things I have to add. I think the second part of the battle worked a lot better and you managed to get the intensity of the battle down better as well. I liked how you showcased Meowstic psychic attacks as something so powerful that people were literally having trouble staying sane, it was a nice touch that also shows how dangerous Pokemon can truly be.

You also got me to be at the edge of my seat on whether Eve would win or not, especially when Fionn decided to be uncooperative and got taken out like it was nothing, and I certainly did not expect a giant freaking ice snake to appear. That being said, I found the last scene with Josh’s mom to be…a little odd to be honest, I certainly didn’t expect that but it was kind of sudden and considering we hadn’t gotten any hints to Josh’s other heritages it also kind of throws me off and makes me think Josh has like…a lot of things to his character, like a lot.

I’ll also add that while you get the intensity down better, things also become more confusing during the middle part of this chapter, with the description becoming a lot more chaotic and hard to follow.


Now that both chapters are covered there were a few things I wanted to add in regards to the tournament. Yes, I know you’ve gotten a lot of criticism over the tournament and trust me, tournament arcs are really hard to pull off well, especially in prose. But I think I can explain a bit better on why this tournament arc didn’t quite achieve the levels it could’ve

The main issue is that, this is mainly Eve’s arc. We’ve spent time in Eve’s head longer than any other arc and Josh not only acts more as her sidekick but he doesn’t really have anything that particularly ties him to the tournament or the arc aside from Eve. To add insult to injury, he even gives her control of his Pokemon during the semifinals.

Not saying that it’s back for the focus to be on Eve, after all, an arc like this is probably the best place to develop her at the moment. However, tournaments, at the end of the day, are about characters competing against one another all for the same goal. This means that it’s not just the protagonist that needs to be fleshed out but any supporting characters and antagonists as well. By not giving Josh any stakes or reasons to compete besides just helping Eve he ends up becoming part of the background, which even gets pointed out at the start of chapter 26.

The same can apply to the rivals. Sure, we get a look at who they are and they all seem like pretty interesting people, but they’re mostly just there to act as rivals for Eve to take down, we don’t really find out much about their motivations or why we should care about them.

Now, this isn’t your fault, they were only introduced in this arc after all, but when we’re having a series of long battles (even two-parters) it’s better to have a good understanding of both sides of the field. Your approach works for a gym or one off battle, maybe even for shorter tournament battles, but for what you’re trying to pull off it can be complicated. Granted, you could also do what some sports anime do by fleshing them out during the battles but…you also don’t really do that.

All of that aside, your writing is still really well done, and you keep using words I’ve never even seen, but it helps in not making things come off as repetitive. The moments outside of the battles and Eve’s and Josh’s relationships is still pretty cute to see, so I actually can’t wait until we have them back on the road.