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OH YES this question was made for me. It was late 2015. The season of change - aka the season where you literally have to f-cking change stuff around, like clean out rooms and all that bunk. I'm going to spice this up by ditching all the 'hads': It was a sunny afternoon. I was asked to...

:eek: So if I go out looking totally spankin', there's this chance someone might give me a million dollars or something? Or an all-expense paid trip to Iceland?! Or a phone number?!! Time to buy some leather trousers, me thinks.

Wow. Let's see here... Well, I can't really think of many off the top of my head though there must literally be thousands. But I was born on the same date as Robert Vaughn so that's quite legit. He was a cool guy. Made everything sound incredibly licentious. Oh, wait. I've got one: So I went...

Well, when I was thirteen I went to a pre-wedding party and I was trying to make some polite conversation with the bride-to-be. I asked what her cake was gonna be, and she said that it was bad luck to say. I was a bit mystified because I had never heard of that in my life, so I said 'I thought...

I go by my second name, which was going to be one of tradition before they decided that the adorable likes of I deserved better, and so it got changed to something new and radical that may or may not have something to do with Star Wars *cough* Not that they knew that at the time, because they...

Curry...? Well, basically, I grew up with it and there is so much variety. And it's good for you, what if all those spices and whatever. But it's such a f-cking pain to pick out all the vegetables, especially with venison curry which is fundamentally mince. Ever pick onions out of mince? Well...

This experience has left me deeply traumitized, so I ask that the readers appreciate the sheer courage it takes to even refer to the occasion. People under eighteen should not read this without an adult present... It... it... Oh my god... It was a tomato... :eek: So if you're wondering why I...

Anyone who really knows me will be able to vouch for the fact that I become f--cking furious upon being disappointed. I fume for hours, days, weeks - unreasonable, childish, sure, but I never claimed to be anything else. To snap out of it, I complain until somebody screams at me, listen to music...

1. Get some mind-wipingly brilliant ideas for writing, thus creating a visual story of such emotional proportions that it would make Samuel L. Jackson excuse himself discreetly and go cry in the bathroom for about, I dunno, twenty minutes. Failing that, something that would make him laugh. 2...