Bulbagarden Forums

Very beautiful avatar

....finally back from my one month long ban...

I am extremely disappointed and upset at the Bulbagarden Forums staff and the behavior they have exhibited. I've come to accept that at least one of my most recent bans was warranted, but this....I get banned for an entire month due to an alleged problem which was very mildly problematic at worst, though personally, I don't consider it a problem at all. It could have been resolved by simply sending me a private message. But no. Once again I get banished from one of my very few social outlets, I get banished from being able to post during one of the most important Pokemon events in years, I get banished from the first mafia game I was a part of in years.

I've felt unappreciated on this forum for a long time. I've tried my hardest to comply with the moderator's requests, and to not be a problem to other users, while still maintaining my sense of self. It's really difficult for me to be myself sometimes. I've gotten gradually better at controlling my behavior and better understanding myself over the years, yet I still feel like people dislike me. This ban made me feel ostracized from this forum even more than usual.

The Bulbagarden staff has been well aware of my extreme emotional instability and suicidal tendencies. I already deal with a lot of issues in my life. Feeling disliked by the Bulbagarden staff and users even more than before, watching my friends post about Sword and Shield and whatever they wanted to while I couldn't, was nearly enough to push me over the edge. Quite literally. I am now aware of two bridges within 30 minutes of where I live, and I had to call the suicide hotline. I felt more suicidal than I have in a long time, and for what purpose? My close friend became so concerned about me that they tried to convey my turmoil to the staff, which they didn't seem to care about even remotely.

This blatantly callous behavior makes me sick. I was advised to keep my mouth shut when I returned, but I refuse to be a doormat. That said, I do think it's best I refrain from saying everything that deserves to be said....so this is all I will say for now.

Yes, moderators, I will not repeat the same behavior that got me banned. I hope you're happy.

Don't be surprised if you see less of me in the future.

(Pre-emptive I know)

Welcome back~