EVERYONE: Vivillon Writes Poems

[Vivillon]

The Ocean

She's a dazzling beauty, one for all to see.
She sparkles like a gem, the finest as can be.
She rolls like a ball, and crashes on the shore.
Approaching and retreating, repeating forever more.

Pleasing to all, whether you're young or old,
Mostly when warm, but not really cold.
Splashing and swimming, or playing in the sand,
There's something for all, be it in sea or on land.

When the storm rolls in, she's a ferocious beast.
Attacking the shore, her onslaught escalates.
Never wanting to stop, the sand is her feast.
Growing in intensity, her waves elevate.

But then it dies down, and the beach becomes calm.
Strewn around the shore, debris can be found.
The beach nice and calm, but a few people around.
Picking up shells the size of their palms.

The ocean's unique, both a friend and a foe.
Filled with great power, both to attract and deter.
Her depths are a mystery, to be forever unknown.
The image quite clear, but the details a blur.

 

[Vivillon]

Can't We Just be Friends?

You may not agree, our values may differ.
But we can still be friends, of that I am sure.
We can form a relation; there's no need for hate.
Yes, we are different, but that makes us great.

You can't stand my religion, you say?
Because of that, there is no way?
I beg to differ, future friend, for you will find
That all religions believe in being kind.

You disagree with my political ideals?
You say that that has sealed the deal?
Oh, dear friend, I think you forgot,
That we all believe what we are taught.

Still, you say, there is no way?
Between us there's too much gray?
But oh, I say, you lose this fight.
For it's as black and white as day and night.

Still We can't? I'm just too fat?
Too short, too big, and smelly at that?
Are you really far too blind to see,
The world is full of diversity?

It's still no you say, it must not be.
You cannot stand my personality.
But don't you see? That's what makes us great!
For our differences help to carry our weight.

"No you can't, just leave me be.
I want to be alone and through that I'll be free."
Then farewell, lost friend, I must head down,
Shake the sand from my feet, move to the next town.

 

[Vivillon]

Get Hyped

It's been released, everyone's hyped.
The leaks showed promise; how will it fare?
Sure, it's a remake, but will it be a new type?
Some remain skeptics- will it even compare?

Waiting a while, these months have been long.
All in order to hear that short intro song.
The power turns on, the energy is high.
So full to burst, one could soar to the sky.

The music plays, and the ears are satisfied.
Sounds so beautiful, one could almost cry.
Enjoyment around the corner, the save data wiped,
Time to press NEW GAME, time to GET HYPED.

 

[Th!nkPi]

YES! With Gen 3 being my favorite and Emerald being the most memorable game of my childhood, I was so hype for ORAS to come out! It's just too bad I've yet to play it, for I decided that working hard and prioritizing real life was a little more important than games haha.

Your style is very familiar to me and I love just how lightheartedly (rhythm unintended) it sounds. I've only read your most previous poem but even as I scroll to the one before it I immediately see your use of refrain and slowly fanboy inside myself knowing that someone else can employ such a useful poetic device skillfully! I have so much work to do today, but I think I intend to review and read all of your poetry here, and if you have any more to share PLEASE DO. You've just landed a supporter in me. You've braved the silence that follows a world where poets are rare, but now your efforts will come through and I will definitely give you lots of heartfelt, genuine reviews.

Nice to meet you

 

[Vivillon]

YES! With Gen 3 being my favorite and Emerald being the most memorable game of my childhood, I was so hype for ORAS to come out! It's just too bad I've yet to play it, for I decided that working hard and prioritizing real life was a little more important than games haha.

Your style is very familiar to me and I love just how lightheartedly (rhythm unintended) it sounds. I've only read your most previous poem but even as I scroll to the one before it I immediately see your use of refrain and slowly fanboy inside myself knowing that someone else can employ such a useful poetic device skillfully! I have so much work to do today, but I think I intend to review and read all of your poetry here, and if you have any more to share PLEASE DO. You've just landed a supporter in me. You've braved the silence that follows a world where poets are rare, but now your efforts will come through and I will definitely give you lots of heartfelt, genuine reviews.

Nice to meet you

Thank you so much! I keep meaning to write more, but I've never given myself the time. I should have one done soon. You have given me motivation to continue working on new ones and update this thread instead of focusing on longer-term projects. For this I thank you greatly.

 

[MagicNinetales]

Yes Yes you need to write more my good friend, I've missed new installments from your very unique and free style. I know how you feel when you want to write more but just can't find a place to do it, I had a really bad streak of that a couple years back. I had a drought from showcase worthy poems for like 18 months back then. This thread needs more life in it, you're so gifted, please do continue.

 

[Vivillon]

Just Say it’s Okay.

I can’t go…
No, I won’t.
You haven’t given the word.
How could I leave?

I love you too much.
Don’t you as well?
How could you say goodbye
When I’ve not yet closed my eyes?

I cannot speak
To tell you this,
But just give me the word
And just one last kiss.

Just say it’s okay,
And all will be good.
I am fine with going
If only it’s okay with you.

Saying a few words
Isn’t really that hard.
But do you really want to
With great pain in my wake?

So really, just say it’s okay
That I can leave you all here.
You’ve made my life happy,
But I need to make yours.

You’ve given me peace
And my heart is at rest.
As you say those few words,
I exhale my last breath.

Goodbye.

 

[Vivillon]

Purple Balloon

In a field of grass, where
The wind barely blew.
Stones littering the ground
In neat little rows.
A family of five stood
With eyes on a string.
A thin little string,
Standing ever so straight.

Upon this string lay
A purple balloon.
A nice, simple bubble
Without any marks.
Their gaze shifted from
This balloon to the sky.
To Heaven, they look
And let the balloon fly.

 

[Vivillon]

The Building

It rises up at a crawling rate,
Up and up at no particular pace.
The walls are iron, then stone, then brick.
A beautiful cityscape; a permanent fix.

A towering building scraping the sky
Casting large shadows, for it’s ever so high.
A vertical mountain made of glass and of steel.
A feast for the eyes; the grandest of meals.

Around it crowd people alone or in pairs.
Walking right past without stopping to stare
At this beautiful majesty so grand and so tall.
To them it is nothing; it’s just another wall.

But each building’s a story, one of labor and sweat
Through harsh rays of sun and clothes soaking wet.
It tells of plans from the office to the streets.
Where ideas are fleshed out; where passersby meet.

 

[AceTrainer14]

Awards feedback!

Firstly, you have a very distinct style. You cover quite light themes and content compared to some of the other poets, and your pleasant and simple style works best for these topics. You didn't wholly stick to the same style: the ORAS hype poem was a personal favourite and showed off your creativity and imagination. Your grammar and spelling appeared flawless.

However, there were a number of times when the flow of a poem was ruined. This was mostly because of words put in to make a rhyming couplet work, and it just made the sentence clunky or read weirdly. It happened in about a third of the poems, and if I got thrown out I couldn't enjoy the rest of the poem no matter how good the rest of it was.

My main recommendation would be to keep an eye out for those couplets and make them work better when possible. Also, shaking things up and writing different types of poems, like the ORAS one, would help give you more range and surprise the readers more. You are a clearly gifted poet and you work best with the short and snappy poems, but keep those things in mind and I think you would be well on your way to winning next time.

 

[LightningTopaz]

My feedback for you:

Style: 7/10 While the first two are relatively unrhymed, the majority do have a rhyme scheme. While the early rhymed ones have character from their rhyme schemes, over time it becomes apparent that the rhymes are becoming harder and harder to make, Lately, though, the poems are unrhymed again.

Structure: 8/10 The poems do have a nice and easy structure, making them easy to read. However, this is also a double edged sword--the short words have a very choppy feel, not the song-like feel I usually like my poems to have.

Spelling and Grammar: 10/10 I did not see any glaring spelling or grammar errors.

Flow: 8/10 As I said before, I like my poems to have a musical feel. While the short words and rhyme schemes do create this to a degree, the pounding staccato this created in my mind grew annoying as I read further.

Originality: 7/10 Most of the poems here are about typical poetry topics, but the one celebrating OR/AS came completely out of left field. That one also make me smile a little, as well.

Overall: 80/100

Vivillion clearly has real talent, but needs to branch out into longer words--this will improve flow, and a bit more of a musical sound

 

[Vivillon]

Spoiler

It does my heart wonders to see people taking the time to review my work. Thank you both so much for taking the time to read and review my poems! I've definitely taken what you have said into consideration, and I am definitely looking towards diversifying my poems and language in the future. f.. Except for this next one. I just wanted to have a bit of fun with this one. xD

Suspense

Hey there. You. Yeah you.
You wanna come over here?
I’ve got something to say.
You wanna know what it is?
…Of course you do.

I’ve got much to say,
You just wait and see.
You should not be disappointed
With my wondrous words.
You really want to know
What it is I have to say?
I’m sure you do.

Your desire to know is
Overwhelming. Really, it is.
I guess I can’t deny it.
I’ll have to indulge such
A powerful desire.
But oh, how much you’ll be moved
By all I have to say.

The suspense is killing you,
I’m sure.
Your curiosity must be
Eating away at your
Patience every second.
But are you sure you want to know
Everything I have to say?
Okay, but you might not like
What you hear…





…Hi.

 

[progressforth]

I love this poem so much, I'm going to go right out and rate it alone.
(Using LTs form.)

Style: I love how there is little to no rhyming, yet it still carrys on beautifully. I admire how you managed to get it to move without rhyme. Though at some points it doesn't feel natural. 9/10

Structure: Very well laid out. It is simple but elegant all at once. 8/10

Spelling/Grammar: Saw absolutely nothing wrong with it grammar-wise. 10/10

Flow: It sounds like a whisper, while not sounding like it'd be a song. It gets rough at points, but I love how it seems like it is sending a message. 9/10

Originality:
I've never seen another like it.
I think it is about a pokemon not being able to talk to you?
9/10

91/100 overall.
I love the messages it conveys.

 

[Vivillon]

I love this poem so much, I'm going to go right out and rate it alone.
(Using LTs form.)

Style: I love how there is little to no rhyming, yet it still carrys on beautifully. I admire how you managed to get it to move without rhyme. Though at some points it doesn't feel natural. 9/10

Structure: Very well laid out. It is simple but elegant all at once. 8/10

Spelling/Grammar: Saw absolutely nothing wrong with it grammar-wise. 10/10

Flow: It sounds like a whisper, while not sounding like it'd be a song. It gets rough at points, but I love how it seems like it is sending a message. 9/10

Originality:
I've never seen another like it.
I think it is about a pokemon not being able to talk to you?
9/10

91/100 overall.
I love the messages it conveys.

Hahaha thank you so much! It's funny, though; I didn't have any deep meaning in this poem. It was literally about just making a long speech all in order to say "Hi." There is no deep meaning to this one, but I guess that's the beauty of art. Both the artist Nd the beholder can take away two completely different things, and they can both be right. Thanks again! ^_^

 

[progressforth]

I love this poem so much, I'm going to go right out and rate it alone.
(Using LTs form.)

Style: I love how there is little to no rhyming, yet it still carrys on beautifully. I admire how you managed to get it to move without rhyme. Though at some points it doesn't feel natural. 9/10

Structure: Very well laid out. It is simple but elegant all at once. 8/10

Spelling/Grammar: Saw absolutely nothing wrong with it grammar-wise. 10/10

Flow: It sounds like a whisper, while not sounding like it'd be a song. It gets rough at points, but I love how it seems like it is sending a message. 9/10

Originality:
I've never seen another like it.
I think it is about a pokemon not being able to talk to you?
9/10

91/100 overall.
I love the messages it conveys.

Hahaha thank you so much! It's funny, though; I didn't have any deep meaning in this poem. It was literally about just making a long speech all in order to say "Hi." There is no deep meaning to this one, but I guess that's the beauty of art. Both the artist Nd the beholder can take away two completely different things, and they can both be right. Thanks again! ^_^

I loved it but... I only actually saw the Hi after I reviewed it!