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Flaze
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  • I think I was considering joining that a long time ago, but it might have been full or somehting like that. maybe I'll join though.
    Cool, thanks! I'll probably post the sign up Sunday evening if that thread doesn't get any input that would make me postpone it.
    [shameless advertising]Hey, you know how I see you in the RP forum a lot? Mind taking a look at this and telling me what you think? :D [/shameless advertising]
    Edward's personality isn't very ell defined. At first he seems like a cynical jerkass, then like a curious and eager teenager, then back to being cynical. He has lots of potential, but seems shaky and un-finished. The parents aren't characterized very much. Ramona and the other guy seem fairly generic. Spacer is your typical mysterious-leader-watching-from-behind-the-scenes guy. Harris is great, though.
    The characters themselves aren't bland, they just aren't used well. It's fine if the first chapter sucks. I understand that. Most of my written work sucks, but because of that I'm always learning how to improve. Don't take it as an insult if something you wrote 4 months ago isn't up to your current quality, rather, be proud of how much you've improved.
    OK! I'll PM you with reviews in the future, but it may not be for a while. If the second chapter is like the first, I'm not sure if I want to immerse myself in it so soon :S
    I've reviewed the first chapter. I'm sorry if I seem a little harsh. I'm trying to help you improve, not to tear you down. I'll re-read the whole thing when some new chapters get posted, to see what it's like, but if I still can't get into the story, I probably won't continue following it. I really do like the idea, though.
    Which story would you like me to read and review? I'll do at least the first couple chapters, more if I find it interesting
    That would be fine. It would qualify as a "Direct Assault," however, which is an Unlockable obtained after winning three games.
    Someone on Twitter seems to be having the same issue too.

    I guess the server is just having problems of some description.
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