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Jersey Jimmy
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  • And second part of the multi-part finishing of what's left....

    THIRTY-THREE:
    - Edison didn't invent the lightbulb, he only improved it! Could use a better analogy anyway.
    - But can Greninja scout it out in detail?
    - With this fic, I was expecting them to just blow the locked door off its hinges instead of mess with a screwdriver.
    - Obviously that about the elevator button is sarcasm and you are all but outright saying most of the main cast are abnormal and irrational! Which they really are!
    - The average elevator moves at 5 to 22mph. We'll assume the median of 13.5mph for this one. At least 90 seconds pass, we'll say "a few eternities" is 60 more than that for two and a half minutes. There's 3600 seconds in an hour. Assuming I remember how to calculate that, divide that by 24 to get 150 seconds, and divide 13.5 by the same to get the result that this part of the facility is 0.5625 miles underground. Seriously!? Would the bomb even have any effectiveness?!
    - No, no, no Wallace, MacGyver would be at least five times more convoluted than a screwdriver and a bobby pin.
    - And they break down a door anyway!! Twice!!
    - Well, a Lugia did show up, so I'm calling myself as sort-of correct. And figured she was going to get it.
    - Why did Lugia's ball not struggle, and yet the other birds' did when they were equally willing to be caught.

    THIRTY-FOUR:
    - Another thing I forgot to mention: Roxie Richter or however you spelled it reminds me of Scott Pilgrim
    - How do you do a drive-by while driving a motorcycle at breakneck speeds!?
    - Again with not disinfecting the wounds, or in this case even taking the bullets out of them.
    - Why didn't they use the collars to begin with on the birds?
    - Okay Ho-oh just blowing away bullets with its wings is awesome
    - I think this the bomb is the first time the protagonists had been given misinformation or are wrong about something.

    Full in-topic review soon(tm)!
    wtf was that taker/lesnar ending though. Just going to send the rest of it at once in multi-parted glory.

    TWENTY-NINE:
    - Speaking of Georgia, was hoping for a Fabulous Freebirds reference
    - In before that guy is a spy.
    - Fucking Oddjob, I knew some people who just banned him outright.
    - And yet the elites fell just as well as the grunts.
    - True definition of a filler chapter, right here.

    THIRTY:
    - Bugs me a bit that Jimmy knows that Wallace would be cool about not being on an exploding plane and his girlfriend would not.
    - Heh, so eggs aren't the only way for Pokemon to breed here? And yes...I don't doubt a Lickilicky in labor would be terrifying.

    THIRTY-ONE:
    - Don't really like the narration style here in regards to past incidents involving Sabrina
    - But what happens when Alakazam meets its GOP rival, a Hypno?
    - I pegged Sabrina as more of a Wild Berry person when it becomes to Pop Tarts, or maybe just plain chocolate. Certainly not cookies 'n cream, though.
    - Was she talking with food in her mouth? How rude!
    - Again, there's that bit about people being convinced too easily in there
    - From the Brass Tower/Kinkaku-ji, Japan is in there. Also it seems Ho-Oh stayed here in this canon. But on Japan, what of its gym leaders considering half of them are running around in America?

    THIRTY-TWO:
    - Forgot to mention this before, but "Rock" on its own like that makes me think of Ole Anderson.
    - Too lazy to look up whether there was something on May 1st there or not, but if this holds true to the real world, the sports checks out.
    - Winona and her problems...of course, I don't expect anything bad to come of her demand. The legendary birds need all three to reach their full potential! That's like a three-piece band whose drummer is missing! Oh, wait... o,o
    >tfw Finn Balor will never facefuck you
    That chick was...yeah, she was something.

    Completely unrelated: daily reminder that Khali main-evented SummerSlam once.
    Bob Holly also main-evented an event with Brock Lesnar once!

    Also SS has been surprisingly decent besides the IC triple threat and first 10 minutes. Hopefully the Cena doesn't win and the tittymaster doesn't turn.
    TWENTY-SEVEN:
    - But Winona isn't exactly a human fighter either, she's been stated as more of the stealthy type.
    - Only hit me now that Fear and Loathing are guns. Probably grazed over it. Thought it was a book.she was reading.
    - A farm with a fire escape?
    - Suppressors actually don't completely silence a gun, contrary to popular belief. They'd still be very much audible from there.
    - So in this alternate universe, all the evil team leaders are Illuminati members? Wonder what these means for Maxie.
    - I hope Sabrina knew the phone was on vibrate!
    - Roxie, yelling is the complete contrary to being stealthy. How were you not caught!?
    - A bit of a formatting error with the italics, or excessive use of them, while Sabrina is taunting them.
    - Typo: "immediately memory loss". And why would Muk even cause that? o,o
    - Don't really like the word choice of "obviously" in regards to agonizing pain.
    - Roxie Rotten: made me think of Axl Rotten
    - All in all, another crushing victory by the main characters, though at least something goes awry this time. Albeit not due to the Illuminati at all.

    TWENTY-EIGHT:
    - I take it the World Wildlife Fund got owned in this fic because HE'S VINCE MCMAHON GODDAMMIT.
    - Speaking of, women are changing now thanks to Trips and Steph. You catch Banks/Bailey at Takeover? Might've been the best match on the card.
    - MEGA VEST, GO
    - Do like this one battle, if only for Revy's "let's go". Like it when trainers have verbal tics in battles. Still, over pretty fast.

    Now to be disappointed at Summerslam before finishing this off later tonight.
    TWENTY-FIVE:
    - Wouldn't the act of driving a black van itself in itself be inherently suspicious?
    - Isn't Jimmy too young to remember Super Bowl III, Wallace? And you for that matter, too!!
    - Heh, do like the callout on Winona's ulterior motives. Don't like how the fight ended so soon and easily. This one didn't even have a good reason to join, though, it just upped and did.
    - Why does Articuno morph into red energy from the Dusk Ball when it was previously established it was a different color from other Dusk Balls?
    - Schizophrenia =/= Multiple personality disordery. Just a small thing/misconception.
    - Don't really like how the only antagonist who came across as legitimately threatening ups and turns face so easily.

    TWENTY-SIX:
    - Lighting a stick for a torch like that doesn't actually work, since the stick burns much too quickly.
    - Hey, Max Headroom incident mentioning. +2 points. A bit disappointed this one was not based on a real incident, though.
    - I take it Lou never liked E&C, the best of them back in the day.
    - Why did he feel it necessary to remove the mask? For the cringe? It was already clear he was scarred from the hints from before, just feels like overkill. I dunno.
    - Flannery remembers what she wore at age one? Really? Also, besides mental instability, why does she jump to the (correct) conclusion that she may have been adopted from the Gorgote family just because of all the red hair?
    - On that note, extremely funny that even though basically everyone in the family has red hair, he named her red girl all the same. Though I guess that's part of being a psychopath.

    TOO DAMN LONG from here
    All of page 3 is complete! Just sending what'll fit for now. Also on Master Balls, the point I was trying to make was, why waste them?

    TWENTY-ONE:
    - How long can Protect be held? Sheesh.
    - I would've liked to think Rotom would be great for causing an accident. Possess whatever electronic and explode.
    - I'd complain about Delphox Teleports, but it probably could learn it with Gen 1's TM if given the chance.
    - For a Fire-type trainer, Flannery is a cold bitch.

    TWENTY-TWO:
    - Don't be too surprised at Goku. Some kids where I live play Beyblade.
    - Where do the main characters keep getting all these weapons from? Also, if their Pokemon are taken, why would they not take their guns too?
    - Kids are literally drinking the Kool-Aid.
    - Man, the main characters are all cold bitches.
    - Why blood in the secret room?
    - And that childkilling scene too, sheesh.

    TWENTY-THREE:
    - How many Eighth Wonders of the World are there, anyway? Even Andre the Giant was one of them.
    - And I thought having to keep track of your body count was only for strictly evil people. The protagonists of this fic though seem to think of murder as the solution to all life's problems. How did Flannery even get away with manslaughter/murder? And premeditation is the line?
    - Flannery gets away with her murder, but what about the daycare?
    - But what kind of pirate is Revy? Somali pirate, or YARRR MATEY pirate?
    - What's with small speeches/points being able to convince people in this fic? Even if they do turn out to be right!

    TWENTY-FOUR:
    - Not thinking to disinfect a wound like that before bandaging...
    - Sheesh Gengar, you aren't even in the same egg group you lecher. Everything turns Gengar on.
    - So everyone has a tragic past and sometimes present?
    - People keep using different legendaries' names as deities and it is bugging me!!
    Well, it was really more about Gerasim being an (allegedly) irresponsible trainer for letting Ursaring attack her, but y'know.
    Different circumstances, but same difference in the end.

    If it makes up for it, that reference to cryonic storage in Chapter Six was a reference to the theory of him being cryogenically frozen.
    Nice. Figured there was something up about that, but didn't link it there.

    TWENTY:
    - Fitting ways to go? That would be like, punishment for sins, which really only fits in Flannery's case.
    - How long are those VHS tapes so Jimmy could wake up at 2:36AM with one still playing? Most tapes only go for two hours at the highest quality setting
    - HOW DO BIRDS EVEN PLAY CARDS???
    - Wait a sec, Jimmy switches up his team in the last chapter. Altaria was not among them. So he has like, way more than six out right now.
    - Same thing as Dark Pulse before, no need to link Thunderbolt or Drill Peck
    - Given the occasional political themeage, surprised Jimmy Carter wasn't used as an example. Don't like how easily the James thing was resolved, though.
    - FATEFUL ENCOUNTER namedrop.
    - Why use the Master Balls, anyway? Where did they even get them? Pokemon can choose whether or not to resist the capture.
    - Small problem: they were teleported up to the roof without time to prepare, yet Jimmy/Gengar were still able to pull out their drinks at the end.

    Review from this point: a bit blah at all the fortune some of the main characters are having. A potential shiny Swablu and a Zapdos for Jimmy all in the same chapter? A Moltres for Flannery? Unless this is all part of the Illuminati's plan to force them to summon a destructive Lugia, yeah. Just seem like they're getting a bit too much special things. Story's plot has picked up though, even if it's a bit episodic at this point. Though at times, like right after this, it's literally like "hey go here!" "Oh okay."
    >flying through air ducts
    Flying up to them, at least. :p

    SEVENTEEN:
    - From the title and video linked, I was expecting Randy Orton's theme for what you linked and was disappointed.
    - Maybe this is the memelord in me, but I was hoping for a reaction of something like "OH MY GOD A TALKING POKEMON"
    - But Dragon types are weak to their own type too, and they're anything but sad.
    - I'm assuming this flawed unfinished prototype was done to make Gengar an official character.
    - Illuminati, that's how Moltres learned Sacred Fire. Also to make it much more special
    - Figured and 100% now - Matt raped Flannery.

    EIGHTEEN:
    - "Jimmy’s Elizabeth and Wallace’s Orlando were... well, New Jersey and Florida." <- Perfect.
    - Well, Gerasim's place certainly looks and feels like a conspiracy nut's place.
    - There's a bit much expositioning in this chapter, and repeating things for no good reason, like with the explanation about Gengar's telepathy or the history lesson.
    - Which Wario costume, though? Classic plumber or Sakurai WarioWare?
    - I wouldn't doubt their claims about taking the cult, given how brokenly OP they are against the Illuminati.
    - Fuck yeah Poliwrath, BREAK THE WALLS DOOOOOOOOOWWWWWN
    - Heh, Winona's outburst about being attacked by a Pokemon reminded me of a scene in my own fic.
    - Neat little small character development at the end there, even if for a one-off character.
    - Only realied when looking into that name that Happy Appy is real in a sense, since it wasn't on Wikipedia. Well, you did cite creepypasta elements. Also, WHY IS THERE AN ENTIRE WIKI DEDICATED TO IT

    NINETEEN:
    - Did Winona jack Skyla's gym design?
    - Do be careful with the trainer having more than six Pokemon. If you don't have time for them to be exhibited and developed, they're pretty much faceless entities with different abilities.
    - Was expecting references to Walt Disney's alleged anti-semitism.
    - Violent little Flannery, destroying a tape that took forever to find.
    Quite a bit larger than it is in the games. A lot of game sizes are kinda bullshit to me.
    Fair! I do too for that matter, as well as sometimes the whole Pokedex itself! Phanpy being a good example. Yeah, uh, no dude. Able to support that weight technically or not, it cannot easily pick up an adult human with that tiny trunk let along easily carry it on its tiny back.

    FIFTEEN:
    - It took me till here to notice the youtube links for titles
    - Heh, totally would see Wallace as the kind to debate fashion sense
    - Nice name for a water trainer fitting the universe's theme in Blake Waverly.
    - Winona, why parkour when you could fly?
    - I'd like to see the Illuminati infect Madagascar. It's bloody impossible, I tell you.
    - And speaking of purple hair, was this the first time Jimmy's hair color was mentioned?
    - Like the guilt scene after Winona kills the Pokemon. Though they took it a bit too well, I felt.

    SIXTEEN:
    - To answer the question, they're a fair length, but it's made up a bit by the quantity of them.
    - Continuity problem with this: Wallace knows the virus can be transmitted through the air despite not being told by Winona when she spoke to them.
    - Geez, what's with Flannery's outburst?
    - I don't feel it was necessary to link Dark Pulse there to make it extra-clear what it was.
    - Odd name, Forenzik. Hope it's a codename. How did he out of the punishment for making a 'snuff kiddie show' anyway?
    - What's with defeated Dittos always dying into mush in this fic?
    - Oh god, Flannery's a pyro after all.
    - Why didn't Gengar leave with them or of its own accord when the place caught alight?
    >not being purple hair master race
    Fair, purple hair owns too.

    ELEVEN:
    - Interesting, if extremely freaking creepy description of Ditto.
    - It seems everyone is in an open relationship in this fic considering Winona's offer. And yet it ends up perfectly nonsexual in there and things get freaky out there.
    - Good name for Roxie's band, I guess. But what happened to the other dude in it?
    - Gyarados may be Flying type, but I always figured that was for initial balance reasons. It's not actually capable of flying in the games aside from that or falling with style with Bounce anyway.

    TWELVE:
    - Been a while since I had a Crunch.
    - Not that it matters, since 28 levels later Gengar's run would've been over anyway because kill screens.
    - Sabrina's "funny story" explanation kind of feels out of character for her, I felt.
    - I hope there's an explanation for Wallace's sudden change in travel plans, like Sabrina warning him or something. Also seeing his involvement since it kind of came out of nowhere.
    - Three guesses: No Items, Fox Only, Final Destination

    THIRTEEN:
    - Typo or horrible pricing: One of the "High Offers".
    - Weird to see them calling a virus a vaccine. Also, reference to flu shot conspiracy theories?
    - Jimmy have a premonition, I wonder?

    FOURTEEN:
    - You know, something occurred to me. Flying with Pokemon would be one hell of a way for smugglers to work in this universe.
    - Jimmy hitting the bottle at 9:35AM. What a dude.
    - How big is that Salamence, anyway? For Jimmy to be able to stretch out like that without fear of falling.
    - I hope that bag with the Pibb is cooled, since warm soda is EW
    - So uh, ball broken = all loyalty gone, or more specifically, ball = you must obey?
    - And then it just wants to up and join her? Um. Yeah, that's uhhh...dunno what I dislike more about that, the fact that she accomplishes that lofty dream so easily, or said dream is mentioned out of nowhere. :/
    I cannot into balanced battle scene well.
    Yeah, one of my strengths, I feel.

    That... isn't good. At all. It's one of the tell-tale signs of pyromania.
    Luckily, nowhere near them anymore since this was in school.

    NINE:
    - Volcanion of all things to have a dream of catching?
    - I notice you use the term "flying ace" a lot for Matt Morgan. In fact, there's 45 instances of it on the second page of the fic, and 15 on the first.
    - Why not just recall Octillery to ferry it across?
    - Where did you get Comeau from, curiously?

    TEN:
    - Ancientpower is only a single type advantage on Spinarak/Ariados!
    - What is with girls and getting tied up in this fic, anyways?
    - You know, I always thought that if any Legendary would cause hurricanes, it'd be Lugia. Beats just being a fat bird who only rules over other birds in one canon.
    - I assume the rain rolled in out of nowhere, and this was going on at the same time as Winona/Jimmy. I don't think I saw it then unless I'm blind.
    - This is the first time you brought up Jimmy's eye color, seems a bit weird to mention they're purple because contacts here.
    - Real talk Gengar, shiny Gardevoirs suck because green hair > blue hair
    No, but no-holds-barred choking and beating down is kinda frowned upon. Unnecessary roughness penalty, like in football.
    I see. Sensible.

    What's left from what I read:

    SIX:
    - "what do they even frickin' want with Disney World?" - Taking over a literal Mickey Mouse company!
    - An evil circus deck? Doink? Insane Clown Posse?
    - Heh, knew people who had that same lighter-flicking habit.
    - Winoan still stuttering...sheesh, how long does it take?
    - Small problem: though there are four people present, you mention the three (people) soundly sleeping.
    - There's something amusing about doing so well in Kindergarten, and moreso enough to go to Disney World.
    - Everyone flips at Jimmy punching nothing. But nobody says anything to the Arcanine sniffing something out?
    - I was expecting a kind of New World Order (brother) reference in there. Maybe that first reference (?) just got me looking for them and such.

    General comments from afterSIX: so far from what looks might recur? A bit too many canon characters for my taste. OC-wise, there's Jimmy, mysterious man, and Future President of the United States Catman. Entertained by I'm reading so far though, so I'll read more. And I did!

    SEVEN:
    - The exact trump for a Water type! Something that's still half-Fire.
    - Gotta aim inside the holes when it goes into its shell!
    - Wasn't expecting a completely successful attack on the Illuminati, let alone domination.
    - Was wrong about Archie being recurring, I guess. RIP.

    EIGHT:
    - Wow, dude is younger than I expected if he only came here during 1999 and doesn't remember. Or he has the memory of a goldfish. He'd be what, six at the time?
    - Winona still stuttering! Who is she, Matt Morgan?
    - Huh, shouldn't be surprised that's an actual place. Truth is stranger than fiction sometimes (and I made that quip before seeing it actually there). But hey, at least it's not Action Park.
    - ...does the music seriously still play? Why is power still being diverted there?
    THREE:
    - Technology is amazing! You can even access your storage system on your phone now! Actually, considering this is based on the real world, I would not be surprised if there's an app for that.
    - Now Volkner, he was restless in canon, so not surprising he'd piss off to North America and become a competitive battler there.
    - Did nobody notice the crashed car with dead bodies in it? For fifty years? It's not exactly hidden, like the ones in the examples on snopes.
    - I'd like to think a computer program would be unphased by something like that. Maybe.
    - There was a bit too much stammering from Winona I felt. Just got annoying after a while.
    - How did Winona even know where to find them anyway? They were kind of on the road.
    - A Talonflame in a Timer Ball? Aesthetics, I'm guessing.
    - Why did they throw the helmet in with her? Or hell, forget that. Why didn't they take the letter if it was so important? #IncompetentVillains

    FOUR:
    - Beautiful eyes? Well, I'd like to think...well, they wouldn't say it because they'd get slapped, but challengers might like two other spheres on her more.
    - ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED
    - A sports-loving Altaria?
    - "Octillery" Excellent Pokemon choice.
    - Why do I think Sabrina is the type to use a psychic brofist or something to punch, in regards to that threat?
    - Ha, they have a sex tape. Funny how he knew right away what P-Z was beeping about.

    FIVE:
    - Psychics. Mental privacy. Jerks.
    - Ha, Roxie is Canadian. Why do I think that's so fitting?
    - Anthrax. Now there's something I haven't heard of in ages. The letter's purpose revealed...I still think it's a bit silly and convoluted a scheme for trying to kill Jimmy.
    - Gengar. Powerful Pokemon. Anagram expert.
    - A "going to Disney World" joke in 2015. Um. Okay.
    - Weird way to win as champion. Also weird rules. What, improv moves and such are disallowed?
    - Are they seriously going to fly on a Salamence from one corner of the US to another?

    Comments on comments?
    WHEN I LIVE FOR THE-have a review.

    ONE:
    - "two empty ...waiting to hold awards or collectibles that would never be given to it" - Harsh
    - "a half-yawn, half-meow" - Those are adorable.
    - I take it from referencing real-world politicians, this too takes place in something close to it?
    - All-Seeing Eye? Reminds me of some sacred artifact.
    - Jimmy Lethal? Reminds me of Jay Lethal. And together, the Usos.
    - But what if he attempts to use a Spiritomb or Sableye to counter the Focus Blasting Gengar?
    - Interesting way to describe a look that can kill.
    - Neat worldbuilding concept for Gengar. I see a lot of fics that make Pokemon able to break the language barrier in some way. I guess this is the way you do it.
    - What's Flannery doing here out from Hoenn/its counterpart, I wonder?

    TWO:
    - Thought that you'd be dating every chapter based on the day (and maybe time) it was posted, and was a bit disappointed to see that was not the case for this.
    - Well, RIP Oore, since it was Phoenix. Also RIP Flannery being a gym leader of Lavaridge.
    - Was a bit confused at the whole thing about wish fulfillment you mentioned, then it dawned on me just before reading the chapter that the main character is Jimmy like you and probably in a relationship with Flannery. Well, it's good taste at least!
    - An illustrated fanfic? Don't see that everyday. Wait, how did she even get tied up?
    - Funny you should mention that style of writing, as I considered it once, before realizing there would be some places I couldn't break at.

    Have read more (up through SIX), but I was asked to reduce my visitor message below 2000 characters, so more tomorrow after comments on this bit.
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