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Rainami
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  • I was just at subway. Some lady there was staring at me....I was so scared that it was because she could tell I'm a transgirl. I'm still upset about it. I keep telling myself that it was for some other reason; maybe it was because I had wet hair at the time, maybe she thought she recognized me, maybe she thought I was pretty. I really, really hope it wasn't because I'm trans....I really want to believe I pass....
    dig
    dig
    Happiness comes from within. You gotta do right by you, some random person you'll never see again - they don't matter. It's easy as hell to let your anxieties, worries, etc get to you and stop you living the life you want to lead. And that's no way to live.

    Don't let these small things get to you, as hard as it can be sometimes.
    Rainami
    Rainami
    thanks for the encouragement, dig. I'll try to not let it get to me.
    Reactions: dig
    Rainami
    Rainami
    my mom also pointed out that it could have been because I sometimes act shy and nervous in public, which apparently can cause people to stare
    so according to riki, my full legal name is "possibly the most male sounding name i've seen". Gee, thanks, riki. Unfortunately, he's not wrong. Even more reason to change my surname too and put that all behind me as much as I can. Take a torch to the past, I say. Delete it all.

    I have a last name in mind, but obviously I won't be telling the majority of you people about it. I'm no bakanoid. All I shall say is that it's super lovely and fitting.
    today is my 9th bulbaversary....I've been on this forum for a full nine years. Been a while, huh. Go figure that my ninth bulbaversary would fall on friday the 13th. Hope I don't die~
    so apparently my dad's excuse for not yet asking on reddit is that he's been high most of the time and is lazy when he's high

    I would be angry if I didn't understand the truth of this

    although sometimes I'm energetic and do things when I'm high

    shrug
    Hey squid(can i call you squid or do you hate it?), i re-read your about page and i saw that you like Gravity Falls, Adventure Time, and Steven Universe, more specifically Peridot. I love Peridot. So that's cool.
    Reactions: Rainami
    Rainami
    Rainami
    you can call me squid. You like those shows too? That's cool. And yeah, peridot's awesome. It's a shame she tends not to get as much screentime anymore, though I still need to catch up on steven universe.
    when I was driving back from tim hortons, some idiot was driving forward in the left hand turn lane. I move in front of him so I can turn into my apartment complex, and the asshole honks at me. I flip him off as he drives around me; I watched him, he didn't have to turn left at any point. Then when I'm walking up to my apartment, I drop my turkey bacon club all the way down the fucking stairs and it ends up just sitting on the floor. In a rage, I throw my keys at the wall, which results in the clicker to unlock/lock my car breaking off the keychain, so now I have to fix that. I drive all the way back to tim hortons to get another sandwich (the lady in the drivethrough window comments she wishes they had a policy like domino's) and get some bacon and cheese omelet bites as well. When I get home I realize they didn't give me my omelet bites, which I tried to not let bother me but it still does bother me. I really need to double check everything I get before I leave every drive through window, huh.

    this came right after the revolution last night that gluing paper over the holes in the hamster wheel isn't going to work. I bought nontoxic elmer's glue and glued stips of paper over the holes, let it dry, but when I put the wheel in the cage yesterday two of the three paper strips fall out. So I guess I need to think up yet another solution, because this one clearly isn't going to work.

    if all this is happening now, I can only imagine how bad my luck will be on friday -_-
    just finished watching the episode of zombieland saga I was looking forward to the most....

    the episode I was looking forward to was the one focused on lily hoshikawa, the transgender member of franchouchou. I didn't know what number episode it was prior, so I got excited when I realized the episode I was watching was the one I was most interested in seeing. I thought it was handled nicely, the other girls were surprised about lily being transgender, but none of them were upset over it and they still accepted her as a girl and part of the group. Kotaro didn't give a shit either, revealing that he had known the whole time, and also notably didn't tell the other girls without lily's permission (somefin which people have done to me various times....the dumb jerks). It was also very sweet how they helped her say goodbye to her father.

    it did make me upset to see how scared lily-chan was of growing up. She had a heart attack due to stress, stress caused by being a TV star, as well as gender dysphoria, which escalated when she noticed she had grown a facial hair. I know she's a fictional character, but I wish I could have been there to tell her about hormone replacement therapy. I didn't know about hormone replacement therapy until I was 20, so it's no surprise a 12 year old wouldn't be aware of it. Perhaps, if she had known about that, she would still be alive. Granted, being a member of franchouchou is certainly awesome in many ways (though it has its obvious downsides), so it's not all bad; she'll never age now either.

    ah, age....that was another thing that made me upset. I wish I could be as young as lily again....or at least younger than I am now. I'm gonna be 25 next year, and I can't help but feel like my youth is fading away. I'm so insecure about my age that I get a bit irked when anybody refers to me as a "woman", because that just makes me feel old. I much prefer "girl" or other terms. Things might be getting better for me lately, but I wish I had a better way to cope with growing older. I had something in mind, but there's no guarantee it will ever happen.

    anyways, the anime is very good, and I'd recommend it to anybody who hasn't watched it. It's relatively short too, which makes it less intimidating to watch than many other anime are. I'm looking forward to watching more of it.
    Reactions: Chidamari Sketch
    Rainami
    Rainami
    according to this article I found recently, lily would not have been able to transition at her age

    The Importance of Lily Hoshikawa Being a Trans Girl (Zombie Land Saga)

    "The next thing I wanted to explore was this – would Lily have been able to get hormone treatments or transition while living in Japan? The answer is yes, but it’s very complicated. In July 2004, the Gender Identity Disorder (GID) Law came into effect in Japan (Ellis). This allows anyone who is diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder to transition as long they are 20 years-old, though the age will change to 18 in 2022 (BBC, 2018). Even if you have parental consent, children under 20 cannot physically transition or change their name. But you can get accommodations for using the restroom or getting the correct uniform, among other things (Kallahan, 2019). So, if she got consent from her father, Lily would have been able to get accommodations, but she would have needed to wait until she was an adult to change her name and fully transition."

    this is ridiculous

    I hate society
    Chidamari Sketch
    Chidamari Sketch
    Laws like this just makes me feel further disaffected towards society...

    ...granted I already have virtually no respect/care for politics these days.
    Rainami
    Rainami
    glad you see things my way, chida-kun....
    going to see it chapter two in theaters tonight. Apparently it's 169 minutes long. That's almost as long as an alolan exeggutor. Lots and lots of room for spooky scares. I'll update this status after I see it.
    Chidamari Sketch
    Rainami
    Rainami
    I'm back from the movie. It was certainly scary, although I don't know that I'd call it horrifying. I enjoyed it.

    my main complaint is how the losers ultimately ended up defeating pennywise. Seriously, they just hurl insults at it about how it's just a fucking clown and not scary until it changes into a weak form? I know they're trying to give an achilles heel to its shapeshifting powers, but I dunno, I'm not really a fan, and I couldn't take that part of the movie seriously. Maybe I'll change my mind later, it's not like I don't ever do that.

    I'm glad richie didn't die, he's my favorite character in both the 2017 it and this movie. I started liking him even more once I realized he was most likely gay; I do admit that I don't care nearly as much about gay people in fiction as I care about transgender people in fiction (if the movie had a transgender character I'd be ecstatic), but it's still nice to see. It does suck that he never admits his sexuality, especially considering that unlike in the books, it takes place in the present.

    speaking of gay people, the literal gay bashing near the beginning of the movie riled me up a bit. I wasn't surprised by it, since I already knew about it happening in the novel. But still, it kind of made me hate society more than I already do.

    I'm super glad that there was never a creepy orgy in either of these movies like there was in the books. Bleh.
    Rainami
    Rainami
    I think the scariest part of the movie for me was when bev returns to her dad's old home and encounters the old lady who seemingly lives there. I suspected that the old lady was pennywise from the start, but seeing her secretly watching bev and then going back to the other room with eerily inhuman movements scared me and confirmed my suspicions. The old lady's behavior stays creepy until she eventually turns into a freakish humanoid monster and attacks bev. Before the transformation into a monster, the old lady quickly walks by the kitchen door completely naked, which garnered laughs from other people in the theater, but only served to unnerve me more.

    many of the other scenes were scary too, or at the very least creepy, but that one takes the cake for me
    third day in a row I've puked my guts out. I thought I was getting better, but apparently not. -_-
    SpinyShell
    SpinyShell
    I wonder if I should just go to the emergency room/urgent care like my dad's been suggesting. Not sure if that's a dick move since I'm not like dying but I don't wanna have to schedule an appointment and then wait months.
    Urgent Care is a step down from the ER, more for health issues that, while not immediately life threatening, should be taken care of quickly (ex: sinus infection) from what I’ve gathered. Though, I have zero medical knowledge outside of a quick google search so take what I say with a grain of salt.

    I don’t think going to urgent care is that much of a dick move, especially considering you’ve vomited for three days straight. That sounds urgent care worthy to me.
    Pikadex
    Pikadex
    Are you actually sick, or is it caused by something else? Regardless, hope you are able to recover soon.
    chibighost
    chibighost
    hope you feel better soon
    some creepy old man was following me. He was in an electric wheelchair and I pulled in front of him to turn into panera bread. When I got into the drivethrough, I saw him in the neighboring parking lot staring at me. And when I got up to the window I noticed he was right behind me in the drive through line; before I left the window, he left, so he definitely wasn't there for food. Super creepy. I hope he wasn't writing down my license plate number to get me in trouble.
    my dad doesn't even know the difference between sex and gender

    continues to compare his feelings of being sort of feminine to genuine gender dysphoria

    I fucking hate cis people (and yes I mean like 78% of cis people, not all of them, since I know I'll get yelled at if I don't clarify this)

    at least he got me really high, that's certainly a benefit to him (and I swear to god if anybody tries to force their fear of marijuana on me again....)

    he did notably change my name on his phone, which suggests that he might not be as bad as I suspected....although he spelled it "Niya" which resulted in quite the eyeroll from me, like jeez man you don't even know how to spell your daughter's own name. It's four letters (technically my full name is six letters but nobody uses that except riki), dude.

    I forced him to post his questions on r/asktransgender and send me the link to the thread on discord when he does

    he better fuckin' do it, because I'm about done explaining everything in depth to him -_-
    Max1996
    Max1996
    Hugs Naya
    Chidamari Sketch
    Chidamari Sketch
    embraces Naya; nuzzling her face
    Rainami
    Rainami
    hugs max back

    embraces chida and nuzzles him back


    thanks guys~

    ....meh, I'll be fine regardless of what he does. Still, I hope he ends up surprising me....apart from the transphobia and racism and homophobia, he's actually not so bad. He's certainly easier to get along with than my step father. I mean, that's like saying a sandwich covered in mold and slime has tasty ingredients, but I felt like giving him a bit of credit for once, 'kay?

    ....this feels weird. I think that's enough giving him credit for the time being. Time to go back to normal. He didn't know what anime was when I mentioned it to him yesterday. He's so much of a dip, that I'm surprised I can't find him in the grocery isles at kroger.
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