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Recent content by Vulpixtail

  1. V

    Ash Ketchum's Story

    this a great improvment. though, and dont take this the wrong way, it seems as thoughyou can add to it to make it flow easier. not that it has to be longer, but the story still doesnt have an omph to it yet. you should make the story end with a cliff hanger so that the reader can want to read...
  2. V

    EVERYONE: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon!: Exploit the Dream/Discover the Truth

    Mara woke up with a massive head ache and the feeling of being wet. All the a voice is crying out to her: "Please wake up. Wake up!" Her eyesight was blurry but, with a groan, mustered some energy to look around and saw an expansive lake around her. I am on an island. Mara concluded. she...
  3. V

    EVERYONE: Memories: A Phanpy’s Story

    he does not! i think you should be actullereading the story before going all "you should go away for a while and come back'! its not nice to tell aperson to go away when there story is going on strong. again great job trouble! still lovin it!
  4. V

    Ash Ketchum's Story

    -.- its the same things you are lacking as before. you should have described Forest, Ash, Brock and Misty seeing how this is five years later. make the "running threw the forest" a bit longer like describing like how they felt know the oak was missing (ie: what were they thinking? what sound...
  5. V

    COMPLETE: PMD: Night of the Red Moon (PG)

    great story! i loved it!
  6. V

    EVERYONE: Memories: A Phanpy’s Story

    that is a great story plot you have going on, and the discription lets us picture what you want us to be thinking about. the grammer is great and just little puncation erorrs that every one would probaly miss. you still want me to keep reading!
  7. V

    When stars collide

    uh okay the spacing is a little too much. first, you should complete a word before starting a new paragraph, and you should finish the whole sentence before starting new paragraph. second, you can make your pargraph longer because the way you have it could put strain on a persons eyes. a sample...
  8. V

    Ash Ketchum's Story

    You can make us happy by actuly useing our advice.
  9. V

    EVERYONE: Memories: A Phanpy’s Story

    CyberPika: you shouldnt be talking that was a great story, it was well writen and puncuation is not bad. cant wait for the next chapter!
  10. V

    Ash Ketchum's Story

    You have potential, we all know that. But you don't use! If ash is in veridian forest and he caught a caterpie, then build on it. I know youre 'trying you best' but youre not convincing anyone right now.
  11. V

    Chaos Theory (SE1)

    Re: Chaos Theory (8) that is a great story so far, i dont mind the whole big block of text. for me it seems more compact. and ,though it is a minuscule obsevation, in "Stars" Dawn says that Bug types are at an advantage over water types but bug types are not at an advantage over water types...
  12. V

    Ash Ketchum's Story

    i am kinda lost, ash is aperently haveing to save prof oak, but mabey you should like a 'meanwhile' thing. like at least telll us what has happened to oak. that you can build on. you are saying that we are being mean, but in your stories there is nothing to to say good about if there is...
  13. V

    TEEN: PMD: The Problem with Symon

    aw poor Pansage! great story so far!
  14. V

    COMPLETE: Sweet Dreams [One-Shot] [TEEN]

    i was think the doll was like a bannet. real reeling, i didnt want to stop reading!
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