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Like I said several times, I would love to have a special woman, but that just will not happen, not even if God himself steps in and demands it furiously. Everything is configured to prevent this from happening, and it can't change no matter what. There's nothing anyone can do to make it so that I can have a girlfriend/future wife.
Right now I wonder, why does it have to be like that though? What's making all the girls turn me down, and why do I have to be single forever? Is romantic love really one giant shit fest?
The moderator Hallowhart doesn't seem to think so. But, would it be a living nightmare for me?
Either way, my objective in life won't change.
My priority now involves restoring my mental health to a great state, maintaining my health in other areas, and getting my life to be something excellent.
I want to live life, I want to be happy, and I want to enjoy myself. The dating world almost took that all away from me forever, by triggering a chain reaction of negativity.
I'm more than happy to live now. But I'm doubtful that I'll ever get a girlfriend, because of how the universe is set up, and because of how the women are set up as well.
None of them want to be my lover, and it will stay that way forever. There's nothing I can do to change that.
Parts of my life are written out for me, there are some things I can't control. You probably know how women operate better than I do.
I know you might not understand why women don't like me no matter what, but that is how things are.
I'm not making this up, it is real. There is not one female human being in existence who would want to be my girlfriend. It wouldn't matter if their own lives depended on it!
I've been told by everyone that I'm a good person, that I have good looks, and that I have a good sense of humor. One of my friends told me that there would be girls waiting in line to have me, but in reality, not one wants to have anything to do with me when it comes to dating.
I went to the senior prom without a date, and I've never had one girlfriend, one first kiss, or dates to any other events related to that.
So, my logic in never having a girlfriend isn't really about age. It's about how many times I've been rejected, the opinions and behavior the girls demonstrated, and repetitive circumstances.
Fact; there is not one woman for me on this planet to be my lover, and it will stay that way, no matter what. It doesn't matter what I change about myself, it doesn't matter if I change my attitude and always have a happy mood, and it doesn't matter how I act.
It doesn't matter what changes about my life, it doesn't matter what status symbol I have, and it doesn't matter how anything else changes.
That is the message that's been sent to me via constant rejections.
I'm the lone wolf in the dating world, the one guy who only gets girls in his fantasies and dreams. Yeah, one day I'll probably be famous, have loads of friends (on and off the internet), and 99% of everyone will say I'm a really nice guy-but no girlfriend/wife.
5 Reasons Being Single Sucks Even More Than You Thought | Cracked.com
One guy posted that in a thread I started, trying to convince me to find a girlfriend.
That's the thing though, it's not my fault. I can't control women, I can't make them want me. Even after all these problems are worked out, after I dump all the negativity aside and just keep it simple, there's still going to be an obstacle in the way of me getting a girlfriend, and that happens to be the girls irrationally rejecting me.
So, here's my plan from here on out:
I'm going to live my life WITHOUT worrying about this. I want to live my life, not be upset from this subject. I want to remove it from my thoughts, and focus on what needs to be important.
If I continue dwelling on this, I'll end up getting overloaded with negativity, and the suicide will occur.
So...that's why I have to stop focusing on this.
No female human being is capable of having romantic interest in me, on AND off the internet. It DOES NOT matter what circumstances are changed.
Now, I can foresee other people becoming happy couples, having joyful relationships that last eternally, and I can predict that everyone else can find a lover eventually. But I'm the exception.
If you got to know me better, know my back-story, and study how many women would reject me (even if they thought I would be a great boyfriend), you'll probably believe the same thing.
Of course, the girls here would say good stuff about me. However, if you ask them if they'd want to be my girlfriend...all of them would say NO. (Even if they knew me better than the backs of their hands.)
It's true. Now I know this sounds crazy, but I do believe that I have a spiritual connection with the universe. I was able to predict numerous future scenarios, such as the tsunami disaster in Japan (I had a dark feeling in my mind before it happened), succeeding in completing a project I was having issues with, and a heavy rain storm.
With that displayed, it should be another fine example of why I think I'm correct about this stuff.
So, you get why I feel that way towards the dating world now, right? It already has a graveyard somewhere, and I'm NOT going to be put in a coffin and be buried in that mess.
Everyone tells me that I'll have a lover some day, but I'm not convinced.
They say it's never too late, and yet on wensday, that statement was nearly proven to be false. So technically, they are wrong.
That's why I want to avoid this subject, most of the time, it only produces negative thoughts, because 90% of the time I'm incapable of seeing the good in it. My lack of success has hard-wired that into my brain, and I'm sure it's not removable.
The giving up part comes from getting rejected on every instance, and each time that happens...it just makes my confidence hurt even more. It makes me give up hope, and it's telling me that I should just surrender and focus on other areas of my life.
My point on that is: If I go back to the dating world and try this stuff, all it's going to do is make me upset again. You already know what was going to happen to me if nobody was there to stop it. But if I end up trying to get a girlfriend and fail, I might become suicidal again...only that time, nobody could prevent me from doing it.
And I will not let that happen, no way. I'm not going to get that sad ever again, and I will not allow my life to end for that reason.
Returning to the issue, I believe it will bring on another episode like that again. I chose to revoke committing suicide because everyone was telling me to stop. They wanted me to live, and apparently...they couldn't handle life without me. I was unaware of my importance in the world.
I overlooked at how upset everyone would be. If people were going to experience the pain I was feeling, then the best choice would be to continue living. No good person should have to experience depression to that level.
Social events, hikes, parties, as well as just conversing with people at work, all are appealing, and should be a decent distraction. I have that worked out in my head.
As for "she" - Thinking about when she'll appear will do me no good. It's not worth the energy and worrying about when isn't going to help me at all.
And regarding my feelings towards me, I hold myself in high esteem. There are multiple things about me that I'm proud of...however, girls overlook all of that.
I generally do not have a good opinion on the dating world at all. I see it as a hell hole that should be blown up (like the planet that the Death Star destroyed). Especially now, since my life almost ended because of it.
Yes, I would indeed enjoy having a wonderful girlfriend/future wife. It was an ambition I had and I still would like one. The step about valuing one's self is almost complete for me, however- I see no possible way of obtaining a girlfriend, regardless of what I do.
It's like...something about me turns them away, even on the internet. I just don't get it...why don't any of them like me?
Since that question is still unanswered, I have given up hope. Now, I have no intention of giving up on life, I just want the subject to go away.
21, 78, 900, 1251, of over billions of years old, I don't see physical age playing a role on why I'd never have a girlfriend. The length of time or physical appearance is not really why I'd say "it's over" or otherwise.