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Misfit Angel
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  • Hey, how have you been kim :eek:
    Misfit Angel
    Misfit Angel
    Actually, I've put in a solid six hours of writing already since getting some more sleep last night. I'm the type who will fight through exhaustion to lay the groundwork, then go back to fix the mistakes. There were plenty of spelling mistakes to fix last night, I wonder what else I may have messed up.
    Flaze
    Flaze
    Well at least you're able to get it done easily.
    Flaze
    Flaze
    Well at least you're able to get it done easily.
    Hey KP, mind if I borrow a Storm Island character's name (sorta) for a minor character in this Zelda fic I'm doing?

    I'll probably change it once I think of something better, but I can't get "Lord Justiciar Reginald Kirkwood" out of my head.
    Comments comments because these are overdue and I had half of them written before, though I'm close to finishing proper review!!
    - I just don't like Lumineon, that's all.
    - All the more reason why the R-Kit could be superior, I suppose!
    - Gym leader...eh. Not sure what to think of him, other than the fact that he's a bag of douches. You certainly crafted a memorable character, though.
    - Personal experience is always a benefit to accuracy...sometimes unfortunately. :/
    - You know, I figured something was off about Kimberly's surname. I forgot to recheck for whatever reason, though. She's definitely much better portrayed here for sure, though.
    - I'm just waiting for the spinoff with the grimy not-all-there person who's a good trainer and yet does not look after himself very well, who recovered his Pokemon because of that unwitting deception and swore an oath of vengeance against Team Rocket as a result of the day. And with his personality, it will be a painful one.
    - Heh, I actually did look into how fire works for a scene of my own once. Don't feel like verifying that at 11:30PM at night, though.
    My dad is into electrical, heating, cooling, mechanical repair and home maintenance. While it would sound like he'd have more than enough to do (which would keep me employed), his problem is that he doesn't expand his customer relations, so he's stuck with the same loyal customers who rarely have anything new for him to do.
    What did your father do?

    Yeah, School-s gotten pretty bad, but I only have a year left at least then I can move away from here.
    No, we're closing down. I work at my parent's office and we basically work for the bank calling people that owe debts, but things have gotten really expensive and the rent for the office has skyrocketted and they just increased employee salary to a really high amount that's hard for anyone that doesn't own a restaurant or any company that constantly produces a lot to pay so we decided to close. My parents are still going to work with their clients but I think for now I'll just focus on my studies >.<
    I've been on a break....for long enough xD; but I've been busy with school and work...won't have to deal with work for much longer though -w-;
    C28:
    - How does Lars even afford to go on this thing?!?!?!! Okay, you give an explanation, but who pays him?
    - Dang, Guidance Direction setting Andrea up for getting hit with the friendzone stick.
    - Nice scene, though Kim's portrayal here...mmmm, I like it, but it just feels so different from her previous appearance. Maybe it's just the circumstances, though. But she's definitely much more ladylike.
    - This definitely does not seem like something Giovanni would approve of.

    C29:
    - Endless battle of wits...physically? Ummm...
    - Weird, the goons aim for the trainers, and yet the higher up aims for the Pokemon.
    - Murder? Yes, this definitely is not something Giovanni would approve of. And yet Domino is here...
    - They have time to sort through all those balls in the middle of this?
    - Man, never considered how broken Wonder Guard could be in your fic with weaknesses almost thrown out the door until just now.
    - Why would Silph Co. even make something like that.
    - Melting the steel with flame doesn't work, but scratching it with flaming nails does?
    - Larson, you crazy, son. Also, Andrea kinda literally appears out of nowhere at the end.
    - Very good, action-y chapter.
    - So I take it given the Rocket comments, this is seven years after GSC and thefefore ten years since RBY?
    Comments comments:
    - Mmm, that is a good sign, setting up a main rivalry. Still, one downside: it tends to make things a bit predictable, since they'll invariably meet and usually in the finals.
    - Nothing wrong with name references. I have a Dean Howard, for example. >_>
    - As long as that fish isn't Lumineon, looking forward to it.
    - Heh, funny you should bring that up regarding common species. I was planning something myself where Pokemon are only "discovered" when the Pokemon Authority does so, hence the Pokedex numbering order that makes absolutely no sense. Like, did they not know about Hoenn until someone decided to travel southwest a lot? Without crossing over whatever's between that and Johto? I cut it though, because of how the fic's world evolved.

    C27:
    - With a name let Jet Barrin, I was expecting some over-the-top action hero-y type. Maybe something close to Mike Haggar. Not...this unique specimen.
    - Dunno what Storm League is like, but if the odds of beating the easiest are like 12% even for a great trainer, I wonder how abandonded the tournament is/how impossible the Elite Four are.
    - I'VE GOT...TWO TICKETS TO PARADISE. WON'T YOU...PACK YOUR BAGS WITH ME TO-wait, why did they give her two?
    C25:
    - I double-checked for the hell of it, and actually, Ansen never said she likes Andrea's style before.
    - Hm, so it's probably the Rockets messing with the equipment, from the briefing.
    - A bit weird for Andrea to be calling her instructor by her first name
    - Captain Daniels? Why did I first think he's supposed to be Jack Daniels? I think my wires are crossed.
    - "You never know, you might end up separated from your friend here and you might need them." <- DUN DUN DUN FORESHADOWING
    - Who would build a museum up here? It'd get no business.
    - Funny that she says that strategy, since ungrounded Flying types are extremely weak to Electric attacks in the games. Still, a very nice strategy.
    - Nice throwback to that one episode of Pokemon with the Electabuzz, the Scyther, and Ash "Tom Ato" Ketchup
    - Quite possibly the weirdest capture I've seen in a fic. Just letting the Pokemon wear itself out, then giving it to someone else.
    - Thought of all those hacking scenes in the movies when Andrea was fixing the machine at the end. That and how some people are technologically inept and can't fix the easiest to fix things.

    C26:
    - If Andrea mistook temperature for time, then what did she set the time to?
    - that goofy uniform <- I'm now imagining like Crawdaunt cosplay or something. That some weirdo thought was a good idea at all.
    - I'd like to imagine it wouldn't be that hard to analyze that, it's probably from Moltres because of the radiant fire and proximity to a volcano.
    - Not much to say about this one, simply an obligatory transition from one plot thread to another.
    Responses responses....
    - It takes a certain kind of character to make a single main character work. Andrea might be the type from an interest standpoint, but certainly the lack of travel skills is a thing.
    - So I take it the USSR is still a thing, huh? How alternate history changes us...
    - Unique Lapras was neat.
    - I see @ names. Hope ya can find the right one.
    - I've only written two tournaments formally so far, but I find the trick with them is to set up drama and create interesting matchups. Graze over things if you need to. Like in one I did pen, though I set someone up as the biggest threat, I also made it clear it means he has a bullseye on his back. And one tournament round that I've planned but haven't penned features the following: a man on an incredible hot streak vs. not the best but only person able to catch him / a tough to-the-point battler vs. an unpredictable one who's always bringing surprises, both varied in Pokemon roster / two storied rivals who hate each others' guts / the only two who've never faced each other, both hungry upstarts who defied their seeding. All of them could go either way and end up close matches. They're definitely tricky to get down, and things like that require a lot of setting up beforehand, but I feel they turn out REALLY satisfying if you can pull them off right.
    But not by too much!!

    C24
    - I really didn't have anyone to cheer for here. Beloved in-universe to the point of blindness who at least has some development in the form of a wakeup call vs. an author's namesake who somehow has a Master Ball...which is encrusted with jewels...which she used on a Blastoise. Both recently introduced and have nothing to make them stand out except eyebrow raising points from a writing perspective. As for the others, you built up Samantha as a fanciful threat then she kinda fell flat, and you did nothing with Senna. The judges were also more annoying than anything. And it did start to drag on a bit, though the repeating with Kendle was bittersweet in how while adding to that problem, did demonstrate how she'd used up all her tricks.
    - Aggressively cuddly felines. Who would've thought they existed?
    - Seems like all coordinators' Pokemon know like a billion moves. Kind of another trouble with writing them: making sure the line between a good trainer and a good coordinator isn't too blurred.
    Yeah, bad at keeping notes myself as of late. Also, the Gubbo thing was in response to
    Gubbo is actually a character that has appeared (or was planned to) in a similar form in every story I've ever written, either as a side character, a main antagonist, or even a protagonist.

    C22
    - Ni-Rocket stole my bike! Still, nothing of value lost. It's pink, and like the bike in Earthbound, useless after you get more than one person except if they all die and you want to mess around in Deep Darkness.
    - Kendle is introduced by name in the narration without her name being given. I feel this one is a bit more alarming than Dune.
    - Ooo, contest time. Also, chess-strategy? wat? That'll be weird to see, if seen.
    - Wonder what was going through Jet Barrin's mind to make his daughter be non-feminine.
    - So for our opponents, we have a short (!?) Russian girl who is also excellent at conquering gyms, Samantha the princess, and...Kimberly (?!!?!) the high class girl, I'm guessing? Anyway, minus points for an all-female ensemble. Scene seemed to drag on a bit here, too.
    - Airystoska, Kanestk?

    C23
    - Yeah, having written one myself recently, I feel you there on Contests. I have at least one form of them as battles, except with excessive flash that may not necessarily be the best power-wise or strategic move.
    - Harvey Quinn <- Batman referential mashup?
    - Hi there, unique Lapras! Also, hello Pokemon I thought was Cryogonal, then Florges, then Froslass, then turned out to be an original. But, original Pokemon are part of the nature of a fic with a worldwide view (there's certainly way more than 700-something waiting to be "discovered"!), and I liked what you came up with.
    - Not much to say about the rest of this, except man is Samantha ever right about Kendle. Good description, though just a bit overbloated.

    Another multipart one because 2000 is really that tiny a space to reply in.
    C19:
    - Would Lars' Steelix have even listened to another trainer?
    - Heh, nice making fun of your own surname for Kamin. Wonder how she would react if he really was a vampire.
    - Man, each dream makes me question Guidance Direction more. In this one, he came across as kind of a passive smug manipulator. Why was Kamin dragged in too?

    C20:
    - There's no way someone as good lookin' as you could possibly be intimidating. <- Good to know he thinks Dominque isn't good looking. Heh.
    - Didn't think Andrea had this sort of thing in her.
    - Such a nice secret hideout. It'd be a shame if someone was to carelessly use Earthquake in it or something.
    - Nice how different people have different reasons for joining Team Rocket.
    - Why did the Raticate listen to her?!
    - OH MY GOD A-non-talking human who only says his own name.

    C21:
    - So what does he get for winning?! Can you even win that game!?!??
    - R0C37. How 1337.
    - Man, the more I hear about Storm Island, the more I think it's a pretty terrible place to live. People enjoy illegal exotic goods. Paradise of corrupt rich people.
    - Wonder how different SI!Rocket is if people didn't care about seeing them dead up until not the point where they took over Silph Co, but when people died in the process. They're obviously a bit more dysfunctional.
    - Domino starts talking about "that" which will leave a few cracks in the patrols, without making it clear what "that" is.
    - Angelique is probably getting in trouble for rash response!

    Topic comment:
    - I have a bit of trouble envisioning Gubbo as the main antagonist of anything but someone's days in a schoolyard.
    No problem, thank you for writing.

    Comments comments:
    - Yeah, pretty much. It's not impossible to write Pokemon in as characters themselves, but doing so without forcing the issue (or writing PMD or from weird perspectives) is the tricky part. The humans, after all, are the ones who travel, go on adventures, and command the Pokemon. They're the ones who get developed. Pokemon can too, but if you do that for every one of them, it just seems like the issue is being forced.
    - I dunno, there's things shown in Castlevania, like alchemy labs, cursed treasuries, and of course the gear tower.
    - The voice having its own agenda, it certainly comes across that way from some of the things it's said.

    May have forgotten a few things, since read the rest of Page 4 when at my father's gig the other night. Also I almost had to split this twice!

    C17:
    - "Are you sure you want to this?" <- tiny typo
    - I thought evidence already came forth clearing Andrea's name! What is going on here!?
    - Man, Andrea is SO fired as Professor Ansen's assistant.
    - Was Sarah Meyers ever actually introduced at any point?
    - Wiped out AGAIN? I am suddenly imagining Cinder Hill as a tragicomic town that keeps rebuilding in the same place no matter how many times rockslides destroy it.
    - Did...did Kyle literally name his Gastly Ghastly? Actually, that seems to be a typo. Also, what's with his sudden regression in power and ability?

    C18:
    - Andrea is not fired? Also huh, outsourcing scientists to private clients!
    - Is it odd I was able to spot the trouble right away? Even before they went off the trail. His reaction then quote about having an interesting day, was just an alarm bell.
    - Sakala region, hm? Reference to a previous work/someone else's work?
    - When you think about it, this was a pretty retarded plan Team Rocket came up with. Get a tour group leader to join them in Slate Valley, wait for Andrea to come by, take her on a tour/take hostages.
    Yes, going over the character limit will happen, as I've run into several times before.

    Comment comments...
    - Yeah, I know what that's like. So many details about your characters, so little time to put them in. And heh, a butterfinger main character would be interesting to see! Come to think of it, it would actually fit my own fic.
    - I kinda liked the swerve on Raven, to be honest. It was different. Not all gym leaders need to fit their type, as Candice demonstrates.
    - Well, the other thing about a glowstick would be that its light would presumably be consumed by the magical darkness too.
    - I can feel ya there with writing in Pokemon, too.
    - Sometimes, being vague about something is the best way to write. At least, it's better than getting caught up in trying to figure something out for a billion.

    C15:
    - War of the Twin Princess - Either there's twin princesses too, or that's a typo.
    - What about Dracula's castle, Andrea? That certainly wouldn't be majestic.
    - The bit about not being able to let go of the purple crystal read a bit odd.
    - VIOLENCE!!
    - Was wondering if the fact that the police were after Andrea was going to come up again. Seems like you kinda forgot it due to it not mentioning it in the narrative
    - Killing cultists with Pokemon = fine. Healing the wounds they make with Pokemon medicine = not fine. wat kamin.
    - All in all, one hell of a creepy/actiony chapter in tone with this part.
    - Also nice one of your favorite Pokemon. Tasteful.

    C16
    - Wow, and now I hate mysterious lakefairy. Hate the concept of being unwitting actors in some higher power's stage play.
    - Something is indeed fishy; my bet is something against her father.
    - If Hellhound can easily find Andrea, why not a Growlithe? Maybe they should be looking into incompetence in the force, too!
    - So uh, is she ever going to do that research?
    - Dayum, shots fired at Larson.
    - Was Mightyena/Dune ever shown being named on-screen? It suddenly started being called ut.
    C12:
    - Forgot to mention before, Fire types lighting the way is pretty common. But a Houndour? Unique.
    - that thing on your wrist <- reminded me of futurama
    - My hand dropped at the uncreativeness of Hellhound as a nickname. That's like calling your kid Human!
    - Huh, so we got a shiny or otherwise alternate colored Mightyena for a beast, huh?
    - Errr...I get the reference, but what kind of motivation would he have in-universe to call a Nuzleaf Locke?
    - That is one overpowered Krokorok.
    - And another new Pokemon!

    C13:
    - Remember, don't get injured in an on-the-job accident, or your ass is fired, young researcher!
    - I wonder what the Six Sacreds are.
    - The transition from the scene saying that they're going to the obelisk and them getting to the obelisk is a bit weird.
    - Dr. Egon, a man in a tan vest, brown khakis, and thick glasses? Totally Ghostbusters. And then he recognizes ectoplasm too!
    - "It will be dangerous, young lady," - Just a small punctuation error.
    - And putting off the mission yet again. gj andrea. But if Egon is right about Ansen, then maybe she is in the right after all. FOR SCIENCE!!

    C14:
    - In a world full of strange creatures, some of which are Ghosts, is being a ghost hunter really all that eyebrow raising?
    - Oh god it really is Ghostbusters
    - Er, Haunter no-sold a fire move?
    - Ooo, an original Pokemon. Or undead versions of an existing one. Also, could Marowak beating them up be considered fratricide?
    - I like how Pokemon appearances aren't set in stone, see green Haunter.
    - Rare that I see a Pokemon written with a flaw, so good job with Hellhound. Even if it does seem to be simple disobidience.
    - I we don't... <- Small typo.
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