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Search results

  1. Daren

    TEEN: Heist in Acorn Hall (Summer 2020 one-shot competition)

    Thanks for your review! This is definitely a writing flaw of mine I've been trying to work on. Thank you! I didn't want to make things too complicated since I don't think I could pull it off in the word limit, though in places I probably cut the wrong parts and it led to some problems anyways...
  2. Daren

    TEEN: Heist in Acorn Hall (Summer 2020 one-shot competition)

    Thanks a lot for the review! :) That is one of my favourite jokes in the story. Myrmidon is a fairly common way (in setting) for people to less-than-politely refer to adventurers, though it's also partly that I learned the word "myrmidon" a few decades before harridan and probably...
  3. Daren

    TEEN: Heist in Acorn Hall (Summer 2020 one-shot competition)

    Thanks for the review! My first idea was going to be about an inappropriate character in a horror story but then this idea came to me and I said "yes, this is much better." I agree; there's more I could have done with this and I was originally planning to have the general escalation of...
  4. Daren

    TEEN: Heist in Acorn Hall (Summer 2020 one-shot competition)

    Thanks for the review and the grammar assistance! Going by feedback so far I think one of the major flaws is that it didn’t do a good job of exploring the setting properly so it feels disjointed. Thanks! Interestingly enough, the first was a joke I planned out and then built up to while the...
  5. Daren

    TEEN: Heist in Acorn Hall (Summer 2020 one-shot competition)

    Thanks a lot for the review and corrections! Same setting, and Sylvia is in Everlight Stories (technically it's sister story, Pokémon Magic Act--it's a weird narrative device but one I hope will pay dividends later), but both stories are meant to stand on their own without the other. She (and...
  6. Daren

    TEEN: Heist in Acorn Hall (Summer 2020 one-shot competition)

    When a young Pokémon of a good family finds himself drawn into a family scheme he could use nothing more than the help of a good gentleman’s personal gentleman. …too bad his is on vacation. Of course a hardened warrior is the next closest thing, right? Inspired by the works of PG Wodehouse...
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