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  1. Torchic W. Pip

    TEEN: Tail of Time

    Hey I’m back. Sorry for disappearing. Woah just like in that video game. I don’t remember which one, but there was, like, green surrounding your field of view whenever you took a hit or something (unless I’m misreading this part). Woah is she standing on an invisible thing or something? Ahhhh...
  2. Torchic W. Pip

    TEEN: Tail of Time

    Ooh, new chapter. That was quick. I have two minor grammatical/wording nitpicks, so I'll get those out of the way before I get into my overall thoughts: "As" should probably be replaced with "and". It seems weird to use the word "day" when it's night. I was able to guess right away that this...
  3. Torchic W. Pip

    TEEN: Tail of Time

    All right, I'll try not to repeat anything that Orion said because they made some good points, but I'll throw in my two cents. Fancy, a mountain range. And a mountain? Really fancy. And a door in the mountain? Really, really fancy. The mountain range doesn't have a specific name, so I'm...
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