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  1. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    **blinks** Uh. Well, I guess that happened. I feel like at some point we stepped into an old Western or something. I think this might be your most... unique/different chapter yet. While it does make for a pretty interesting twist, I feel like it also diverges and to an extent, distracts...
  2. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    I'm back! I feel like we did cover a lot of my thoughts on IRC, but in any case... Per the normal, your chapters seem to be grammatically correct and have no glaring plot holes. In terms of the story itself, I feel that it's an interesting direction to take it. So much of the story has been...
  3. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    2-15 Review Kay. So. That just happened. Let's just have a moment of silence where we all collectively go "Damn." In our heads. Or it wouldn't be silence. Anyway. Review. I liked the chapter! The bonus scene was a nice bonus as it definitely gave more insight for me personally into...
  4. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    Welcome to Aie's Review of Doom wherein I go back to all the chapters I missed because System Error ; is a meanie face and glares at me if I miss reviewing any. ;-; Help me. 2-9 Review This one starts off nice, shortly after the previous misadventures of our motley little crew. Seems as if...
  5. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    Lovely chapter. There were a few instances of words missing/misplaced, but nothing huge. Elyna... was lovely as always. I'm really looking forward to executing what we had discussed about her. The description for the battle was lovely, and gave much more detail than our Skype session...
  6. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    2-7 Review Oooh, a new character (well, not new per se...). I can't believe he actually got a note from Cronus! I mean, really? Oh, hey! We get to meet Muriel for the first time really. Also, lol at his manner of speaking. "It is my duty as an associate of Cronus Apporon..." Can you...
  7. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    Okay, because I'm a lazy whore I'm gonna keep this short and pretty much gloss over most of these two chapters (I still haven't forgiven you for not giving me enough time to review :<). 2-5: No major mechanics errors that I could see. Content wise... D'awww. Fritz is such a gentleman. And...
  8. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    Oooh, thank you for that tidbit. It's nice to get those! ;) Anywho, onto the chappie! Starts off nice and slow, which is good, I think. You can't have them all going a mile a minute. And Thatcher is adorable as per the usual; though, I wonder what he was trying to say at that first bit of...
  9. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    So, as per the usual, my review! Nice way to explain Pox Strike. Although, I do have to agree; "creative and open-minded" is definitely not what comes to mind when I think of Cronus. And Reika is back on my smack-silly list. Lord have mercy, we have such a tolerate-hate relationship. And...
  10. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    I'm not gonna beat around the bush too much with this one. Battle scenes aren't really something I'm gonna comment on. But, I will say that they were nicely done. Anywho. First, I'll mention that you need to update the Atlas with new information!!! :D I will also note that the battle...
  11. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    As per the usual, we discussed (technically, still discussing) this on Skype in more detail, but I'll give the general outline. First off, I have to make the note that the woman who Kripps went for last chapter... she intrigues me. It seems rather apparent that she has some sort of ability...
  12. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    So, I know that we already dissect everything on Skype, but I gotta give you some public props/review. I loved all of the new chapters (I think it was 8 to 10), as per the usual Reika was invoking a complex thread of emotions within me (from wanting to throttle her for being a bitch to making...
  13. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    Okay, so I've got to reply to two chapters since I neglected to last time. Chapter 6... Let's see. Smacking Reika silly has been moved up on my list of life goals. Thatcher is shaping up to be a wonderful character. He just needs a confidence boost and then I think he'd be really good. The...
  14. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    Well. we conversed about most of this chapter already. xP Even so... Like I said, the whole spiel was a bit random and seemed vaguely out of place and filler-y. Other than that, I can't really comment. Also, I wonder what those three are going to get up to now. :3
  15. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    Yay! Update! I like the chapter (if it was a bit shorter than I'm used to). Just spotted a few things that we talked about on Skype, and I have to say that Reika is certainly interesting. She's faintly pissing me off, but at the same time, I think that she's going to end up coming from some...
  16. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    As usual, awesome. I'm really curious as to Reika's background. She seems so... odd. And I'm ever more curious as to how this story will proceed. At the moment, its more of a journey fic that doesn't really have a driving force (evil character, etc). Also, put me on that tag list!
  17. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    Oooooh. I would have slapped that boy. And you know she would have had the kahones to do it too. And wtf is going on here now? This teacher would have gotten smacked too. Can't wait to read the next chapter :D
  18. AiedailEclipsed

    MATURE: The Story of Fritz Westmyn: The Turning World (old, crusty, abandoned)

    I liked it! I like the characters and the complex dynamics that they have. I can't wait to see how some of them play out and to see the backgrounds of other characters! I especially can't wait to see how some other characters come into play. ;) I remember catching some errors but nothing major.
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