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Taking a break from some... ahem... other readings to wrap this story up. Gotta get dem sweet review league points, don'tcha know. :V I'm not necessarily going to fault you for cutting to the chase with getting to Sinnoh, here. Me thinks a three day boat ride would've offered time for important...

I can't speak for other readers, but as an avid player of Pokémon I have a strong personal distate for a trainer/'mon relationship taking on the whole master/slave dynamic, especially when it's made blatantly obvious through the 'mon referring to the trainer as "Master." That's not what the...

Well, getting rid of "chuckled darkly" would go a long way. That reads like an evil laugh. Replacing it with a show of exasperation (shaking his head, giving a long/drawn out sigh, rubbing the bridge of his nose or his temples) might be a better alternative. Especially since I seem to recall...

Poor Vaun got rather roughed up there. Actually, I'm curious. In several scenes now, we've seen Hanson touch or fidget with one of his poké balls, generally when something's not going his way. Is that supposed to be a tick or a nervous habit? I wasn't really sure, but that was my impression...

Shhh... just take credit for it. No one has to know. :P I suppose it comes down to subtext and body language. Hanson doesn't appear at all disturbed by the fact that Bibarel died... and he doesn't even hesitate a moment to question if he's going about Babel in the wrong way. If you're going for...

I'd actually like to start off, not by addressing the chapter, but the title of the story. Call me slow or dumb if you'd like, but it just occurred to be that Unequivocant is a rather clever title that I didn't catch until now. In some ways, it's forshadowing the exact fate of Equivos...

I'm not surprised you opted to extend this by other chapters. I didn't think you'd be able to wrap everything up unless chapter 24 was huuuuge. Though, again, as feedback for the future, I think you'd be best served by not stating outright how many chapters you think you're going to have. Or...

That might help. Hopefully you could get some advice from folks. My big suggestion would be to outline your next story, so that you can give yourself a guide as to what you want to show and when you want to show it. But I know that doesn't work for everyone. Just figured I'd throw it out there...

I think it would greatly help to show that desperation somehow. Because I honestly don't really know what Hanson's motivation is. Does he really want to see some sort of golden age of Human-Pokémon relations? Or is he driven purely by greed and profit? If you're really going to wrap this all up...

I'd like to start off by asking a question that maybe you resolved in your edits, but I didn't check. Did you make it clear that Matheus sacrificed his Legend status? Because, initially, in his conversation with Cassia and Lawrence, that's not what you convey. They get freaked out over Arthus...

*sees chapter title* I wonder if Cassia's gonna find Lawrence? :P First off, I like the argument going on between Cassia and Gardner. He's trying to seem rather pragmatic in this situation and Cassia's insistence on going and teaching the Tome is pretty crazy on paper. I'm glad that he...

I think the changes to the last chapter make it read better and more logically. They're more in-line with what I've come to expect from Gardner. With that said, his conversation with Zacheus could benefit from a few tweaks. Namely, you need some lines where Gardner knows the stuff he's saying to...

That works, too.

I guess that's true. I suppose that the big issue for me is that Arceus (and the other Legendaries) have physical forms. Assuming you're basing Arceus on God (capital 'g' for the Judeochristian variant b/c hey, I pray to him, too), there's a bit of a disconnect for me. After the creation of the...

To start off with, I'm addressing some of the changes. The sequence of events is clearer in my mind now. So, in that regards, it paints a much clearer picture. A lot of the names that are dropped are still utterly meaningless for me. For example, who the heck is Laryon and why should I care...

Then you really need to address that. You need to make it clear A) that Matheus really has no idea and Arthus' continued evil rampage is a shock to him, B) why no one else (not even Arceus or another Legendary) knows what went wrong, and/or C) why anyone who might know a bit more than Matheus...

Matheus' confessional stuff at the beginning was unusual for me. I feel like I might've had a better sense of what was being talked about had I read your other stuff. However, your introductory post said reading the stories before this one wasn't essential, and that you were planning to make a...

Always happy to help where I can. ^^ If you intend to say when it'll end, don't indicate how often you plan on updating. Because then you'd still be able to tell how far you have to go.

I appreciate how somber the atmosphere is to start this off. There isn't a ton of description. But this is one of those scenes where I don't really think you should explain every little detail. This feels like a less is more situation. And the body language definitely does the job in that...

Glad I recognized it, then. Yeah. So, when you're not thinking straight, you tend not to plan logically. ^^; Right. I just couldn't help but think that he has made things unnecessarily more difficult by trying to do all of that at the same time. His biggest goal seems to be fixing the Seal. So...