Search results for query: *

Ok. Um. I'd left of this review for a couple of days because I wasn't sure how to make it seem constructive. Let's see, well, I suspect this'll probably appear in later chapters anyway, but I'd recommend tidying up the way you deal with pokémon dialogue so it's consistent. There are a few typos...

Hullo, I'd thought this story was dead. I might as well pick it back up again. According to my notes I'd read up to Chapter Nineteen, but since I can't remember what those notes mean I might as well skip ahead to Twenty. I'm going to try not to rehash anything I've gone over before, but given...

Oh, tish. You can always try. You're forgetting what I said about why I keep reading, Juliko-chan

Well, you posted Chapter 16 way back in November last year, so bear that in mind. Aside from that practice exercise I mentioned, I would - if you haven't done so already - try studying the way that other people do it. I don't just mean in terms of writing advice articles and the like (Which are...

Ok, so ... Chapter Sixteen, according to my notes. Couple of things that have been on my mind for a while here. The first is that you need to work on showing rather than telling emotions. Good practice would be to try and write a scene using only one point of view character - without being able...

I wouldn't quite go that far. You've already got the theme running that parents aren't perfect, for one thing. Anyway, at fifteen chapters in - well, more or less - it seems appropriate to do another reflection review. First thing I thought about was what keeps bringing me back to the story...

Ok, review for. Uh. My notes say that it was the chapter thirteen arc, but I was a little drunk when I read some of it, so I'm just going to have to trust them this time. As usual, I'm not going to repeat anything that's already been brought up before, so there's not a huge amount I can really...

Ok, so for Chapter Twelve. Now I read this about a week ago, so my thoughts may well be a bit jumbled here. Right, so what have I got in my notes ... oh yes, the "night sky cut in a square" description was a nice little turn of phrase, I liked that one. Here comes Hunter J - I wondered when her...

Yeah, I see what you were going for, it's just the context that didn't fit. Part of it is down to how far you can push the suspension of disbelief. Often in the journeyfic there's already some suspension just from the age of the protagonists. In my opinion, a story has to be careful with how far...

What! You got a TV Tropes page?! This is an outrage!! Ok, I'm being silly. Anyway, I'm going to get rid of the usual format, since I think otherwise I'll be repeating myself. So. regarding Perrine's chapter at home. I had to sit and think about this for a while, to marshal my thoughts. I think...

I ought to mention at this point, that I've dropped popular, published books over the course of fewer words than ten chapter's worth of Marvellous Journey, so please don't think that I hate this

Ok. So now I'm ten chapters in, I suppose now is as good a time as any to do a reflection review. I'm beginning to see themes emerge with the issues that come to mind each chapter. Length is one thing, which I've already covered. The pacing of the story is another. I'm beginning to think the...

A little something regarding forests. Its unlikely there'd be much in the way of undergrowth if the trees create so much shade that it's dark underneath the canopy. That's not to say that no plants can grow in that kind of shade, but not too many can, and they can rarely grow very large, either...

For chapter six and seven: Technical Accuracy/Style I've a feeling that I'm going to notice this about every chapter, so I'll stop banging this particular drum after this one, but - such long chapters. I don't just mean in terms of pure wordcount, but thematically as well. Six could so easily...

Getting back into my reading list now: Technical Accuracy/Style Generally good, though you have a tendency to be a bit slapdash with your dialogue formatting. Labelling flashbacks like that really isn't a favourite of mine. I think some authors tend to overthink things when it comes to...

A fair few criticisms for Chapter Four, I'm afraid Technical Accuracy/Style Technically I think it was a better chapter than Three, as far as I recall. As a matter of style I'd cut down on the eyes slamming open. It's fast becoming a cliché in this story – I think I counted it three times in...

Swinging by for Chapter Three, since I really need a break from my own scribblings Technical Accuracy/Style A few minor technical errors in the chapter - "in tact" rather than "intact", for example, nothing major. There's the occasional word use I find odd - "Lofty" pink hearts is one I can...

Back for Chapter Two Technical Accuracy/Style Again, in terms of technical accuracy I didn't see anything to pick up on. Stylistically your prose is good enough to get the point across, but is rather unsophisticated. All I can say is what I said last time - it's something that will improve with...

So. I was kind of hesitant to start on this because, well, I'm not a fan of Hunter J. I have my reasons, but for the time being I won't go into them. In any case I thought I'd at least give Chapter One a go to retain my Best Reviewer Crown Technical Accuracy/Style Technically, I didn't notice...