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Can we remember the point is to offer feedback as well, please? If you're going to post a sample of your own, have a go at giving some feedback to someone who came before you

Bit on the long side for a sample, but I'll give it a whirl. As to it being a bit of a drag ... well, yeah, it is. I don't really see the point in this rehash of the typical TRio encounter. You try to wink at the audience and acknowledge how tiresome the routine is, but I don't think it really...

The whole incantation seems like something of a mouthful to me - it's about fifteen seconds to say in a neutral tone, but for all I know that's just the way things are in this setting. I don't think the third sentence really adds anything that hasn't already been amply hammered home with all...

I think it's a bit overblown, if I'm honest. Less is more, unless the setting is solidly built on melodrama

It depends on who your target audience is, really. If you're writing for fans similarly ticked off by that episode then it seems fine (I admit I haven't read the account in detail. It's very dense). If you're writing it as a story then that's a different kettle of Magikarp

I question who it's really for. For someone canon-blind or only very passingly familiar with the canon it's more or less jargon. For someone who very much is familiar with the canon, do they really need the explanation?

Here's something I've been toying with for a while. Most of it is fairly polished, but for the very end. I've been debating whether to try finishing it in my breaks at work. The Young Lord “The sword or the glaive, commander?” the old squire asked, but his lord wasn’t listening. The young lord...

A gentle reminder to participants in this thread - we do ask that you give some feedback on the previous extract (If someone hasn't already done so) before you post your own

Mod hat on here - from now on we're asking people to provide content warnings with any sample they post (Check the Rulebook and Information Hub for how these work). Normally we'd ask everyone to comment on the previous piece before posting their own sample. But of you don't want to give...

Since unrepentantAuthor has already given some feedback I'm going to leave the last sample where it is, but before posting a sample make sure the last user has had some feedback first!

Are you still interested in feedback for the above sample, @unrepentantAuthor? If you are, I'll edit this post with something. In the meantime, this is technically from a published chapter, but it's never really been right and is in real need of polishing. For context, this is in the middle of...

Ok. So I'll try and break this down as simply as possible: The story is rather rushed. It's a common problem with journeyfics, especially when they're hitting the "stations of the plot" (i.e: all the standard plot points from whatever's being adapted, in this case waking up, eating breakfast...

@Greninjaman you might want to just post the part that you'd like some feedback on

150 words of mine this time: More than three hundred and fifty years ago, lightning struck the Brass Tower. Three hours was all it took for the ensuing inferno to devour the temple. The fire greedily burned centuries-old oak timbers into cracked and brittle charcoal. The archive collapsed in...

I think the main problem is Ash's voice - in that, I couldn't find anything to pick on besides that (It read a little hasty to me, but I have only the haziest familiarity with Doctor Who so that might not be all that relevant). It's a common fanfic problem in that Ash sounds too mature, too...

Well, it absolutely needs some proper formatting. A new line for each new person speaking. As a rule of thumb a character's actions should be on the same line as their dialogue, to reduce the possibility of confusion.

I'd tidy it up a bit first, if I'm honest. At the moment it's very difficult to read

Is this intended to be finished or a rough draft?

Is there a reason the bag is cold enough to make him shiver? In any case, it seems alright, although perhaps the internal narration seems a little casual ("Oh, right. He must have seen the bandage on my forearm.") I presume that's the point, though I'll point out now that it doesn't make the...

If you can get hold of a decent beta reader - and you most certainly may not have mine - it's worth it. Chapters have a way of running away from you, I think, when you spend weeks at a time writing them