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@Cresselia92 Here's my little opinion about your fragment; - There's a bit too much "telling instead of showing" with the Carnivine fearing the Duskull (ghastly is used as an adjective so I assume it's a Duskull). One time telling me they fled back to their homes is enough to inform me they're...

Pletora seems the innocent Scolipede, just busy with surviving but not without a bit of compassion, she has no interest in killing the Oddish, only wishing to take what she needs and no more. It contradicts the Pokédex entries emphasizing the predatory nature of Scolipede, so Pletora could be an...

Might as well try to make myself usefull by leaving a reply, which is this; I read it and it certainly read chaotic and tense to me, but violence, not so much. Of course much information is missing, but I'm sure the chapter covers that up, such as location, involved characters (including...

Ouch, a confusing opening isn't good, even worse because I thought it was clear enough. The text "because a chair found it required to take flight" is an attempt at humour that only served to confuse further I see. If I catch the correct meaning of the word clunky, that is partially what I was...

The chapter is written from the perspective of one of the opponents of the main character who is about to go on his own quest. I wrote it to see how this threesome work, if only to get a better grip on them. And why not post it to see how others think of it? On the timeline of Two Perfect...

@Ghostsoul I have not heard of Hetalia before you mentioned it so I quickly looked it up what it is all about. I still found it hard to grasp what it is about so maybe it just doesn't work for me. Perhaps a few bits of context could do a lot. You mentioned it is unchecked so I won't comment on...

I had to look up on the wiki what the whole deal is with the Brass tower and that, I think, is what you meant with the sense of cultural disaster; why should the reader care about some tower burning down. What impact did the destruction have on the people who paid their tribute at the tower? How...

I GOT A REPLY! :eek: Okay, serious mode. Heh, your critique is greatly welcomed and just. Rufel is much like the reader, at lost what is going on and why. He's afraid and thinks back about happier times to sooth his nerves. Seeing his reflection in the table beneath him is a bridge to this...

I received a nudge to dump my drivel in here. So here it goes; I could tinker with it further but I have other things to write (and post here) today so I will leave it at this. The piece is canon and could or could not make it into the final story. Make of it what you want.