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@AceTrainer14 SANDY: Ok, I understand your point of how she would have changed after everything she went through, I guess my view of it was that she was trying to imitate Alaska. She started swearing more, trying to blow stuff up, caring less, I was concerned. Her bravery, as seen when she is...

MERRY CHRISTMAS. I finished up the story today and this is he final posting. It should count for the Review Game as well as Secret Santa, so thank you. I also included a little Christmas gift for your (check the Spoiler tag). My rendition of Gideon's Porygon. Let me know what you think...

Chapter Eighty-One: A Dream of Wars Gone By (4,825 Words) Setting (World, Characters, Ect) -Your depiction of Latios is very believable -The fact that Alaska can not even control herself at times in her own head while speaking to the one being she should be able to trust fully hints at bad...

Chapter Seventy-Four: No Escape (4,197 Words) Setting (World, Characters, Ect) -Use a PokéBall or Pidgeotto on Shellder, Alaska likes to do everything the hardest way possible Story (Believability, Interest) -Your little note said don’t be frustrated with Alaska’s anger, which I am trying, but...

Chapter Sixty-Seven: A Game of Strategy (6,552 Words) Setting (World, Characters, Ect) -You narrator view is becoming too pro-Alaska. It is making the better characters you are developing seem worse because Alaska hates them (and everyone) Story (Believability, Interest) -Parasect took three...

Chapter Sixty: Waking Up to a Brand New Death (4,008 Words) Setting (World, Characters, Ect) -Alaska has a sickly vivid imagination, perhaps she should retire and write horror films. Story (Believability, Interest) -This isn’t against you or the story, but Buzz has serious “bad guy syndrome.”...

Chapter Fifty-Three: Take a Game (6,806 Words) Setting (World, Characters, Ect) -Although I have no love for Alaska’s enemies (and, yes, they could treat her better), Alaska is only getting worse as a character. She is a menace to society (as Daisy implied) and, in reality, would likely end up...

Chapter Forty-Five: A Tunnel Too Far (3,673 Words) Setting (World, Characters, Ect) -I am glad the girls got a chance to rest for a while. It also seems like Alaska is growing up a little, I hope she stays that way. -The shadow character intrigues me and I am loving the mystery surrounding him...

Chapter Thirty-Nine: The Hungover Games (2,858 Words) Setting (World, Characters, Ect) -I am really glad that the man with the gun wasn’t Red. There is no reason the Champion would ever need one. Story (Believability, Interest) -Not a lot going on this chapter, but it starts the ball rolling...

Chapter Thirty-Three: Oh the Analogies (2,854 Words) Setting (World, Characters, Ect) -Sandy is a really good friend, Alaska should really be more appreciative. -It is really funny to think of Alaska hobbling around on a cane like a grandma. -The emotions and personal develop are a good...

Chapter Twenty-Six: Breeding Sexy (3,068 Words) Setting (World, Characters, Ect) -The fingerprint thing on the PokeBalls is an interesting addition. Makes the process of “officially trading” mean something. I also like the deactivated PC/PokeBall addition. -I know Gideon is evil, but...

Chapter Twenty: Playing the Training Game (2,433) Setting (World, Characters, Ect) -You do a good job of giving the characters layers. This holds over into the story, so there is more than one plot being played out simultaneously. -Alaska has a very bleak outlook on humanity -I like how you...

Chapter Sixteen: This Place Needs a Sweep (2,296) Setting (World, Characters, Ect) -The relationship between Alaska and Sandy is amazing. -Your Pokémon have more personality than some people I know, I love it. Story (Believability, Interest) -1) Next time Alaska has a free moment, she needs to...

Chapter Eleven: Sorta Ready to Rock and Roll Setting (World, Characters, Ect) -I am not sure I like where you took Brock’s character. In both the games and the anime, he is gentle and kind (partly because he has to be). It is your story, so you can do what you want, but he is going to be the...

I have already finished reading up to Arc 11 and the reviews are done, they just are not posted yet. I wanted to read through the entire story, so I understood what was going on when I got to the newer arcs, which I will finish before Christmas. If you are in the process of re-writing, then...

First Arc. These are just comments I made as I read through each chapter. Some of the general mistakes have been corrected in more recent chapters, but some linger. Prologue: Chrono Island (2,050 Words) Setting (World, Characters, Ect) -I love Alaska’s name, it is something that I can read...

Ok, so it is December 21st, so the Secret Santa Posting will begin. I have a lot to post very quickly, so I will try and make it manageable. I am going to post reviews one arc at a time. Each one has comments on plot, characters, ect AND I will be attaching PDFs with grammar...