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Also late but been busy... I know you said it's crackfic, but the idea of a Pokémon (in this case, Ho-Oh) being the champion itself is interesting! I assume Pokémon would have to have an immense amount of sentience on the level of humans, if not more, for that to happen, and the implications of...

Really late on this, but! The dialogue is perfect - I'd be able to tell who was talking even without pronouns/names to tell me, really. Each voice is extremely nuanced. My main suggestion would be to watch out for telling, not showing in narration. For example, you could describe the shock by...

@Iggy Okay, I got a chance to look at it now. I think from the last sample and this one, I have a fairly decent grasp on your writing style. That's a good thing. There's lots of description mixed with characterization; one never seems to overshadow the other at any point. You don't have any...

You might have better luck with a shorter sample here (not required, just that you might get quicker/more specific feedback on smaller samples). Question for feedback, though: is this the beginning of the chapter you're working on or a condensed version of the whole chapter? Not sure you mean...

Pokemon sentience, especially when you mix in the interactions between them and humans, can be a fairly interesting concept to write and read about. You could argue that no two humans fully understand each other, honestly, so by "a hard time understanding them," what does that mean? Does Rufel...

There's certainly a lot packed into this bit, eh? A pikachu strapped down in the middle of who knows where, being drained of his energy, all the while reminiscing of his old life at a circus and a female pikachu he fell in love with at first sight. Yeah, that's a lot. But I find it interesting...

You've got a pretty decent draft here! I did think Brock's dialogue at the start of the sample sounded a bit stiff for what I know of his character, and I didn't think the pokedex entry was necessary. The first half of the entry shows how ferocious it can be, which is fine, but I'd prefer for...

I like Delia's voice is this, and you're right, this is a lot less sinister than I'd expect of that cliche. Really, it's not often you see Giovanni painted in a good light at all, I think, so the idea has potential. I personally don't write canon characters unless they're minor gym leaders for...

Probably all I have to add to what I said before, then, is to add a bit more if these are characters that might not show up again anytime soon because, if that's the case, it does feel brief and forgettable (because of the length, not the content). Hopefully someone else can pitch in, too!

@AceTrainer14 I read it already and gave the comment you mentioned, but I might be able to help better if you explained their role or where exactly in Galactic this passage would go.

@canisaries I lol'd. So the initial description of the garbage smelling to having Abe ask about the left arm injury is a bit abrupt, as there's no mention of that bothering Red. Even just a small hint of that would remind readers there is one and segway into that conversation a little more...

@chaos_Leader Betas can be difficult to find on short notice, but they can definitely be helpful. At any rate, this looks a lot better. Peter realizes he's being childish and unlike him, which is realistic in terms of what crushes can do to people. His anxiety is clear in the writing as well...

Seems you got lost in the posts. Anyway, in the first paragraph, Rowan's physical appearance seems a tad overkill. I think you do a pretty good job showing his post-New Year haze, really. Trimming unnecessary details down, such as the color of his shirt or hair, would go a long way. I also think...

Agreed that it seems a bit melodramatic for what we've seen of Peter so far. In terms of the writing style, it seems a bit wordy and full of adjectives - a bit of trimming would not only cut the melodrama, but also make the passage feel less clunky. If there was something specific you were...