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turns out the April horoscopes were for may! Some bozo at the horoscope office made a mistake! Anyway, JUNE HOORAYSCOOPS!! Aries - Unbutton your shirt, metaphorically. Taurus - Find a new hobby, and then crush the competition Gemini - Clip your nails, scruffy! Cancer - Prank call the fire...

It's THAT TYME OF YEER AGAIN April! Aries - Go up the downstairs. Taurus - Drink more water Gemini - Send money in aid of imaginary people Cancer - Tell your parents the worst thing you ever did Leo - You should buy a new hat. Virgo - The tree people should not be believed Libra - Scream out...

OFFICIAL WEEKLY HORACE COPE, BI-ANNUALy, EVEERY MONTH! Aries - Shave your underarms. Taurus - Capture a spider. Gemini - Really concentrate on the poetry of your soul Cancer - Your fingers are the most important Leo - There's twelve months in a calendar. Virgo - Walk over the grass, don't avoid...

It's that time of year again; March Aries - Buy a new pair of shoes. Taurus - Command the centre. Gemini - Close any windows you may have, then open them wide. Cancer - You need a haircut. Leo - Live a carefree life. Virgo - Place flammable objects near your loved ones. Libra - Adopt a...

Feburary 2021 Aries - When it rains, it snows. Taurus - The Jackal is not to be believed, or trusted. Gemini - Brown is your colour. Cancer - Don't don't do it. Leo - You should take out a life insurance policy. You'll know why on Feb 23rd. Virgo - You should make an effort to plant tomatoes...

It is. Same with cutting carbohydrates, I mean that's pretty ridiculous. No bread, potatoes, pasta, rice, corn.

Aries - Stay indoors whilst the moon is out. Taurus - Less salt in your diet. Gemini - You need to schedule a doctor visit. Cancer - Phone home. Leo - Don't worry about anything, until January 23rd. Then worry. Virgo - Withdraw all savings, distribute amongst friends. Libra - Adopt a new pet...