COMPLETE: TEEN: A Conflict in the Old Chateau

[Kyuuketsuki]

This story serves as a prequel to Journey out of Mt. Coronet. It will also be a short one, though a few chapters longer than it's released-first sequel. Even though it ties in, you don't have to read the sequel to understand this prequel, but reading it does give you more insight.

This story will follow the same pattern as the other one, which is events and memories, but they won't be as sudden, as in this one the character is remembering willingly (most of the time) rather than being attacked by them, and some chapters might take place entirely in the past.

New chapters will be posted Tuesday and Saturday, but not this Saturday. This pattern will start in the upcoming Tuesday (1st of Feb).

Enjoy. Constructive Criticism and reviews are always appreciated.

Index
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12

1​

“Please, just help me. That girl is all alone, and she might be in danger.”

“I don’t care! Why should I be bothered with helping kids get out of trouble? This is very typical of you! You just have to be the one that helps every single person in need! I’m sick of it, Wasaki!”

“Where did that come from?” Wasaki looked into Noah’s eyes, trying to convey his message over to him, but Noah had always been stubborn. Wasaki wanted to become his friend, but there was always some sort of wall that Noah had put up, and it blocked all of his attempts. “Look, just help me, please. You might just be the one that saves me if I get into trouble.”

“But you never do,” Noah said. “You were always the perfect kid.”

The pair was standing in front of an old building deep inside Eterna Forest. The exterior was made out of bricks, and vines were climbing them. Some parts of the windows were broken, and the front doors were half open, creaking, and moving with the slight change in wind.

“Are you too afraid?” Wasaki said, as a last attempt.

“No,” Noah replied. “I’m just busy, I want to go and get my next Badge, while you can stay here and chase imaginary girls.”

Noah turned before Wasaki could respond, and began walking away from his rival. It was frustrating for him. He didn’t view Noah as his rival, but rather someone who is on the same path. There is no reason as to why they shouldn’t help each other out. Their end goals for acquiring the Badges and defeating the Champion may be different, but the means are still the same; acquire the Badges and defeat the Champion.

But either way, he still had to see if that girl was safe. He had seen a small girl walking into the house before running into Noah, and pleaded for them to go in together, in order to form some kind of friendship, but it was in vain.

“I really wanted you to accompany me,” Wasaki shouted after the departing Noah. “We could have-“

Noah took a turn, disappearing behind the trees, and the sound of him running could be heard. Wasaki sighed, and placed his right palm on the door, pushing it gently. The creaking sent chills down his spine, and the cold air within gave him the feeling of emptiness.

“Come on, Wasaki,” He said to himself. “Don’t be afraid… That little girl might need you…”

He took several deep breaths, and walked. With each step, the floorboards lowered themselves and gave a creepy sound, and even though the carpet muffled it, the emptiness made it echo.

Then Wasaki looked down; there was no carpet. He felt dizzy, and thoughts of running out of the building ravaged his mind. The house was too empty and scary for him to venture on, and there was only one solution, to send out a Pokémon, and there none he trusted more than his starter, Chimchar.

He took off his backpack, and opened the Poké Balls pocket. There were four Poké Balls with hand drawn markings on them representing the Pokémon they were holding. They were amongst the other empty Poké Balls. Wasaki grabbed one of them, and opened it slowly to send out his starter.

A small fire monkey appeared. He stood on two small legs, his arms extended to a pair of very human looking hands, and instead of a tail there was a fire. His face had a tremendous smile extended across it, and his fur shaped into a single flame at the top.

Chimchar looked around instead of making any sounds, and felt as frightened as Wasaki did. “I’m scared as well,” Wasaki admitted. “But we can get through this together!”

Chimchar nodded and raised his right palm while making a sound of approval, and Wasaki gave Chimchar the high-five he was asking for. “Let’s go then,” He laughed nervously. “Wonder what awaits us.”

Wasaki put his backpack back on, and Chimchar climbed into the unzipped zipper, while keeping the top half of his body out, and putting his face over Wasaki’s left shoulder.

The friends walked on slowly, and two staircases on both sides met them, but they seemed to lead to the same platform. Wasaki put his foot on one, to check the stability, and as hard as he pushed, there was no sound. He climbed slowly. Taking five seconds for each step, making sure that it was safe.

Chimchar’s shivers could be felt through the bag, and he wasn’t to blame. The deadness of the mansion combined with the slowness of Wasaki’s moves made the atmosphere all that much creepier. Wasaki reconsidered fleeing, but he kept thinking of the girl that must be all alone, and probably afraid as well.

“Let’s talk Chimchar,” He said in an attempt to make the area seem livelier. “Do you remember when we first met?”

Chimchar nodded and recalled the day before Wasaki started his journey. Professor Rowan had been taking the starter Pokémon for a walk. Turtwig, the small grass Pokémon with the shell on his back munched on some flowers. Chimchar interacted with everything and everyone he saw. While Piplup, the blue penguin seemed sad about something.

“Cheer up, Piplup,” Rowan said. “We will find you another trainer.”

Chimchar was confused, but didn’t give much thought to the subject, as a trainer approached them. He was a dark skinned boy with short black hair, and his eyes were a very bright shade of green. A normal backpack rested on his shoulders. His outfit was composed of a long sleeved white shirt, blue jeans, and a band that spelled Wasaki on his right wrist.

“Wasaki,” Rowan said. “How are you?”

“Professor Rowan!” Wasaki seemed genuinely surprised. “What are you doing in Twinleaf? I’m supposed to come over tomorrow.”

“I was just taking these little guys for a walk, and I assumed that it was too dangerous for you to venture out on your own without a Pokémon, so I’ll give one of them to you right here.”

“You came all the way for me?” Wasaki laughed as Chimchar jumped onto his shoulders and played with him. “I don’t think there are any other trainers who are starting; I’ve asked everyone I know.”

“There is one other person,” Rowan said. “I believe his name was Noah.”

“Noah?” Wasaki’s face put on a surprised expression. “I would have never guessed. He rarely left his home after the incident with his father.” Before Rowan could ask any questions, Wasaki changed the subject. “Anyway, are these the starters? They all look so good, I want them all!”

Hope began to shine through Piplup’s entire body, as if he was shouting for Wasaki to pick him. “It seems that Chimchar is the one most outgoing, he would fit nicely with you.”

Piplup felt his entire world crash again, and in a fit of rage, ran away, only to crash into someone.

“If I see Noah, I may just give out the starters a day earlier,” Rowan laughed and turned to look at Piplup and Turtwig, but he noticed the missing water Pokémon and quickly traced the marks on the grass, to see him lying at the feet of someone very familiar. “What a coincidence! There he is now! Come here, Noah!”

 

[Legacy]

I think this was brilliant. The characters, Wasaki and Noah, had really great interaction with one another despite it being only a paragraph into the story. You can just tell the relationship between those two will only continue to grow and take on more layers.

I also liked this line, "...there was only one solution, to send out a Pokemon..." I don't know if I make sense by saying this, but I love how you sort of portray the action of calling out a Pokemon to be an important one.

It's not so casual and always-occurring as the anime or games do, where Pokemon are pretty much always out and with their trainers ready to battle/use powers/etc. Using their powers for random tasks, training, practicing, and battling are the only things Pokemon in the anime and games do. I am excited that it seems like your story is a bit more realistic in that regard.

The word usage and flow is excellent and enjoyable to take in. I also like your dialog. It's believable as similar to how people really talk and it's full of emotion.

I will definitely be a follower.

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

I think this was brilliant. The characters, Wasaki and Noah, had really great interaction with one another despite it being only a paragraph into the story. You can just tell the relationship between those two will only continue to grow and take on more layers.

Glad to see that you've liked the interactions. Their relationship will be further explored.

I also liked this line, "...there was only one solution, to send out a Pokemon..." I don't know if I make sense by saying this, but I love how you sort of portray the action of calling out a Pokemon to be an important one.

It's not so casual and always-occurring as the anime or games do, where Pokemon are pretty much always out and with their trainers ready to battle/use powers/etc. Using their powers for random tasks, training, practicing, and battling are the only things Pokemon in the anime and games do. I am excited that it seems like your story is a bit more realistic in that regard.

I do try to make my stories unique in some sense. Even though this wasn't intended to stand out, I'm glad that it did. But the thinking of "Pokémon are important" can only apply to Wasaki, and it will also be further explored.

The word usage and flow is excellent and enjoyable to take in. I also like your dialog. It's believable as similar to how people really talk and it's full of emotion.

This is a huge compliment! I've been feeling as if my dialogue needs to be worked on, which is why I waited three days before posting the first chapter! Thank you for that.

I will definitely be a follower.

Again, thank you for reading, commenting, and reviewing. Glad to see that you've liked my story, and hopefully you'll like what is to come.

 

[AceTrainer14]

I'm interested in this story to see what more it reveals about Noah. Something with his father.... sounds interesting I look forward to finding out more about their pasts and to see what is going to happen inside the chateau

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

Don't worry, the past will spill everything there is to know. Since Wasaki can remember the past, while Noah doesn't want to (which is why the details were unexplained in the "sequel"), so it won't be a problem when it comes to the subject of remembering.

 

[Italics]

Corrections in yellow, comments in small bold font. Cool? -- Italics

Chapter one:

Spoiler

“Please, just help me. That girl is all alone, and she might be in danger.”

“I don’t care! Why should I be bothered with helping kids get out of trouble? This is very typical of you! You just have to be the one that helps every single person in need! I’m sick of it, Wasaki!” Ha ha, you're gonna be the jerk, aren't you?

“Where did that come from?” Wasaki looked into Noah’s eyes, trying to convey his message over to him, but Noah had always been stubborn. Run-on sentence running by with a Walkman. Wasaki wanted to become his friend, but there was always some sort of wall that Noah had put up, and it blocked all of his attempts. “Look, just help me, please. You might just be the one that saves me if I get into trouble.”

“But you never do,” Noah said. “You were always the perfect kid.”

The pair was standing in front of an old building deep inside Eterna Forest. The exterior was made out of bricks, and vines were climbing them. Some parts of the windows were broken, and the front doors were half open, creaking, and moving with the slight change in wind.

“Are you too afraid?” Wasaki said, as a last attempt.

“No,” Noah replied. “I’m just busy, I want to go and get my next Badge, while you can stay here and chase imaginary girls.”

Noah turned before Wasaki could respond, Unneeded comma. and began walking away from his rival. It was frustrating for him. He didn’t view Noah as his rival, but rather someone who was on the same path. There was no reason as to why they couldn’t help each other out. Their end goals for acquiring the Badges and defeating the Champion may have been different, but the means were still the same; acquire the Badges and defeat the Champion. Slipping past tense usage.

But either way, he still had to see if that girl was safe. He had seen a small girl walking into the house before running into Noah, and pleaded for them to go in together, in order to form some kind of friendship, but it was in vain. Commas be weird here.

“I really wanted you to accompany me,” Wasaki shouted after the departing Noah. “We could have-“ How old are these kids?

Noah took a turn, disappearing behind the trees, and the sound of him running could be heard. Passive voice. Wasaki sighed, Comma unneeded. and placed his right palm on the door, pushing it gently. The creaking sent chills down his spine, and the cold air within gave him the feeling of emptiness.

“Come on, Wasaki,” he said to himself. “Don’t be afraid….That little girl might need you….”

He took several deep breaths, Comma unneeded. and walked. With each step, the floorboards lowered themselves and gave a creepy sound, and even though the carpet muffled it, the emptiness made it echo.

Then Wasaki looked down; there was no carpet. He felt dizzy, and thoughts of running out of the building ravaged his mind. The house was too empty and scary for him to venture on, and there was only one solution, to send out a Pokémon, and there was none he trusted more than his starter, Chimchar.

He took off his backpack, Comma unneeded. and opened the Poké Balls pocket. There were four Poké Balls with hand-drawn markings on them representing the Pokémon they were holding. They were amongst the other empty Poké Balls. Wasaki grabbed one of them, Comma unneeded. and opened it slowly to send out his starter.

A small fire monkey appeared. There are monkeys in the Pokemon world? (NIT-PICKING FTW.) He stood on two small legs, his arms extended to a pair of very human-looking hands, and instead of a tail there was a fire. His face had a tremendous smile extended across it, and his fur shaped into a single flame at the top.

Chimchar looked around instead of making any sounds, and felt as frightened as Wasaki did. Wasaki is telepathic? “I’m scared as well,” Wasaki admitted. “But we can get through this together!” And that's when the Gastly ate his brains. Not that he had much, poor boy.

Chimchar nodded and raised his right palm while making a sound of approval, and Wasaki gave Chimchar the high-five he was asking for. “Let’s go then.” He laughed nervously. “Wonder what awaits us.” Ha ha, he's a dork that reads fantasy adventure, right?

Wasaki put his backpack back on, I laughed at that a little. and Chimchar climbed into the unzipped zipper, And that. while keeping the top half of his body out, Unneeded comma. and putting his face over Wasaki’s left shoulder.

The friends walked on slowly, and two staircases on both sides met them, but they seemed to lead to the same platform. Commas be weird here, yo. Wasaki put his foot on one, to check the stability, and as hard as he pushed, there was no sound. He climbed slowly. Taking five seconds for each step, making sure that it was safe. SENTENCE FRAGMENT! SENTENCE FRAGMENT! ERRR! ERRR! ALERT ALERT!

Chimchar’s shivers could be felt through the bag, and he wasn’t to blame. The deadness of the mansion combined with the slowness of Wasaki’s moves made the atmosphere all that much creepier. Wasaki reconsidered fleeing, but he kept thinking of the girl that must be all alone, Unneeded comma. and probably afraid as well.

“Let’s talk, Chimchar,” he said in an attempt to make the area seem livelier. “Do you remember when we first met?” GAWD, NO, NOT A FLASHBACK!

Chimchar nodded and recalled the day before Wasaki started his journey. Professor Rowan had been taking the starter Pokémon for a walk. Turtwig, the small grass Pokémon with the shell on his back, munched on some flowers. Chimchar interacted with everything and everyone he saw. While Piplup, the blue penguin seemed sad about something. FRAGMENT ON FRAGGLE ROCK!

“Cheer up, Piplup,” Rowan said. “We will find you another trainer.”

Chimchar was confused, but didn’t give much thought to the subject, as a trainer approached them. He was a dark-skinned boy with short black hair, and his eyes were a very bright shade of green. A normal backpack rested on his shoulders. His outfit was composed of a long-sleeved white shirt, blue jeans, and a band that spelled Wasaki on his right wrist.

“Wasaki,” Rowan said. “How are you?”

“Professor Rowan!” Wasaki seemed genuinely surprised. “What are you doing in Twinleaf? I’m supposed to cover Wait, what about a tent? over tomorrow.”

“I was just taking these little guys for a walk, and I assumed that it was too dangerous for you to venture out on your own without a Pokémon, so I’ll give one of them to you right here.” Run-on sentence, mate.

“You came all the way for me?” Wasaki laughed as Chimchar jumped onto his shoulders and played with him. (Heh.) “I don’t think there are any other trainers who are starting; I’ve asked everyone I know.”

“There is one other person,” Rowan said. “I believe his name was Noah.”

“Noah?” Wasaki’s face put on a surprised expression. “I would have never guessed. He rarely left his home after the incident with his father.” Before Rowan could ask any questions, Wasaki changed the subject. “Anyway, are these the starters? They all look so good, I want them all!”

Hope began to shine through Piplup’s entire body, as if he was shouting for Wasaki to pick him. “It seems that Chimchar is the one most outgoing; he would fit nicely with you.”

Piplup felt his entire world crash again, and in a fit of rage, ran away, only to crash into someone.

“If I see Noah, I may just give out the starters a day earlier.” Rowan laughed and turned to look at Piplup and Turtwig, but he noticed the missing water Pokémon and quickly traced the marks on the grass, to see him lying at the feet of someone very familiar. Weird sentence here. “What a coincidence! There he is now! Come here, Noah!”

Yeah, I'm a commentator.

I think the main problem I see here is comma use. I mean, they're everywhere, and it started to overload my brain as I read.

Your characters are kids, right? If not, cool. If they are -- well, their level of diction is pretty damn high for children. If they're nerdy children...I can forgive it.

The flashback was very sudden. The characters don't seem to express much body language. Rowan's speech patterns are the same as the kiddies.

I'm kinda going hard on you, but it's not because I think you suck; no, it's mostly because I think you can handle the criticism. Tell me otherwise and I'll loosen up a bit. Covering my butt, just in case.

Keep up the writing.

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

It's fine, harsh reviews are the best.

i haven't decided their age yet, but Wasaki and Noah are surely older than 12.

“What are you doing in Twinleaf? I’m supposed to cover over tomorrow.”

That was supposed to be "come over tomorrow", fixed it now though. Replaced onto with into as well.

I realise that I use too much commas, which is mainly due to the fact that I don't like having many simple sentences. I will try to work on it though, as well as the other mistakes you pointed out.

Body language didn't seem like an important issue in this chapter, as there is nothing important that required it, but I do insert it into later chapters (which are already written).

The one thing I don't understand is how the flashback was sudden. Unlike the "sequel", it was very clear. (Seriously, the other story's main point of criticism was the suddenness of the flashbacks )

Either way, thank you for reading and reviewing. I hope you like what is to come if you decide to keep reading.

 

[Italics]

It's fine, harsh reviews are the best.

Oh, thank God. I was worried there for a second.

i haven't decided their age yet, but Wasaki and Noah are surely older than 12.

I feel better now. And ambiguous ages are pretty fun to work with.

That was supposed to be "come over tomorrow", fixed it now though. Replaced onto with into as well.

Ah. Gotcha.

I realise that I use too much commas, which is mainly due to the fact that I don't like having many simple sentences. I will try to work on it though, as well as the other mistakes you pointed out.

I used to be the same way. I would add in irrelevant things just so that the sentences were longer. But did it make the sentence more complex? Pfft, nah, just derailed everything. And you don't know how gleeful (love that word) I feel that you're taking my advice.

Body language didn't seem like an important issue in this chapter, as there is nothing important that required it, but I do insert it into later chapters (which are already written).

Cool. Just so long as you acknowledge it and show it off. Sometimes a timid nod is a better replacement for a "Yessir."

The one thing I don't understand is how the flashback was sudden. Unlike the "sequel", it was very clear. (Seriously, the other story's main point of criticism was the suddenness of the flashbacks )

Hm. I don't trust flashbacks in general. They can get all screwy and stuff. The thing that really threw me off was, like, the lack of pluperfect tense and -- if you don't like all those "had"s and "been"s -- section breaks. Putting down a few asterisks (* * *) would have made the transition, to me, a little less jarring.

Either way, thank you for reading and reviewing. I hope you like what is to come if you decide to keep reading.

Thanks for not throwing a hissy fit and cursing me out. Appreciate it. It's been known to happen.

 

[Gama]

This line particularly intrigued me:

Their end goals for acquiring the Badges and defeating the Champion may be different, but the means are still the same; acquire the Badges and defeat the Champion.

I'll be very interested to find out exactly what it is that their respective goals are.

Italics has done a good job of pointing out tense based mistakes etc. but there were a few things I disagreed with. I didn't have too much of an issue with the diction used by the protagonists. Mainly because protagonists in Pokemon games seem to have extremely ambiguous ages. Although we are told that they are ten years old, they far more commonly act like sixteen year olds and I kind of had Noah and Wasaki at at least 14-16 in my head. That's just a personal viewpoint though, ultimately, it's up to the author to decide how they view things.

I also thought that the transition to flashback was not too much of a problem to follow. As Italics said, tense was an issue - flashbacks should use pluperfect (or as I like to call it, double past, eg. "had had" "had done")

Anyway, the story was very interesting. I see this instalment will be focusing more on Wasaki than on Noah (although I suppose Noah could make a comeback) and I'd be interested to learn more about Wasaki's character as well as what's going on in the Old Chateau. Keep up the good work, I'll be reading!

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

This line particularly intrigued me:

Their end goals for acquiring the Badges and defeating the Champion may be different, but the means are still the same; acquire the Badges and defeat the Champion.

I'll be very interested to find out exactly what it is that their respective goals are.

Their history and motivations will be the main exploration of this story. Wasaki' will be revealed, but we already know that Noah

Spoiler

wants to prove that he can protect his family.

I haven't decided if I will bring his goal into this story, as I seem to have forgotten that new readers who hadn't read the other story are oblivious to it...

Italics has done a good job of pointing out tense based mistakes etc. but there were a few things I disagreed with. I didn't have too much of an issue with the diction used by the protagonists. Mainly because protagonists in Pokemon games seem to have extremely ambiguous ages. Although we are told that they are ten years old, they far more commonly act like sixteen year olds and I kind of had Noah and Wasaki at at least 14-16 in my head. That's just a personal viewpoint though, ultimately, it's up to the author to decide how they view things.

I don't like deciding the character's age, because that would limit me to what people of that age do and say. I could deviate and make them a very mature 5-year-old, but that would just seem icky. As for Noah and Wasaki. As I've said, they are older than 12, and I picture them to be mature with a hint of childishness, but no age is set.

I also thought that the transition to flashback was not too much of a problem to follow. As Italics said, tense was an issue - flashbacks should use pluperfect (or as I like to call it, double past, eg. "had had" "had done")

Will work on it!!

Anyway, the story was very interesting. I see this instalment will be focusing more on Wasaki than on Noah (although I suppose Noah could make a comeback) and I'd be interested to learn more about Wasaki's character as well as what's going on in the Old Chateau. Keep up the good work, I'll be reading!

While it seems like that, the focus will still be Noah, even though Wasaki will get more attention than he got in the last story. Noah isn't done with this story yet. I pictured Noah as "not wanting to remember" the incident with his father that was mentioned in the other story. While Wasaki is the type of character who is willing to remember and is fine with it, which is how we will learn more of their past.

Thank you for reading and commenting! I hope you like the upcoming chapters!

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

2​

“That’s weird,” Wasaki addressed Chimchar. “There is a picture of the girl right here; the one I followed. Do you think she lives here?”

Chimchar reached out to touch the picture that was hanging from a wall in one of the many rooms of the mansion, momentarily covering Wasaki’s sight with the back of his hand when the picture suddenly blinked. Chimchar let out a high-pitched scream of fright that caused Wasaki’s ears to ring and struggled in the backpack. The trainer lost his balance and toppled backwards. Luckily, Chimchar managed to get out of the bag before it smashed against the floor, and he ran for the half-opened door that was directly behind them.

“Chimchar! Wait!” Wasaki struggled to get up. When he had fallen his hand had sunk deep into one of the floorboards and getting it out became a problem. Wasaki got up to his knees and started pulling his hand out, which only led to more pain. Chimchar’s screams could be heard outside as well as the sound of other Pokémon, seemingly attacking him. “Chimchar, come back!”

The door of the room was shut with a violent sound causing Wasaki to jump up. The wood scratched his hand and he started to bleed, but he was free at last. However, the pain was more agonizing than it should have been, and Wasaki felt dazed. His body dropped to the ground and the screams of Chimchar soon faded away along with the room around him.

His eyelids closed. The floor felt like a hard bed but his consciousness was still in the room. He knew that he was in the Old Chateau, that Chimchar had run off while in an unstable state of panic, and that some ghost probably locked him in. Who knew what would happen to him?

He was afraid. This must be the end for him. He should have followed Noah to Eterna City. What about the girl? Why should he be the one that has to help the girl? What kind of person would think that?

The questions raged in Wasaki’s mind. What Noah said must be true; he had to be the one that helps every single person. Wasaki felt his body rising, this must be the end for him. It must be a ghost. It had to mean his demise.

Then a sudden shock of pain struck his face, and his eyes flew open.

Everything was a blur, but he was still in the room. Something held him against the wall, screaming at him, and apparently slapping him. It took just one more slap for Wasaki to return to reality. His sight cleared up and the sounds became clearer. He looked at the ghost, but what he saw was something else.

“Noah?” He said, confused. “Did you come back for me?”

“No,” Noah said. “Chimchar brought me back. Your wrist is bleeding, and someone seems to have been hitting your face.”

“That wasn’t you trying to wake me up?”

Noah sighed and looked at Wasaki. It was him who woke him up, but it wasn’t the main objective of the slapping. “Don’t think about thanking me,” Noah said as soon as he let go of Wasaki. “If it was up to me, you would be decaying in here.”

Wasaki looked around the room. He was used to Noah’s insults, combined with the fact that he knew why Noah was that way made him able to brush them off easily. His eyes searched the room once more. “You said Chimchar brought you here. Where is he?”

Noah turned his head as well; Chimchar was nowhere to be found. “He was here a minute ago,” He said. “You should search for him.”

“And the girl.” Wasaki said as he got up.

“There is no girl!” Noah shouted frustrated.

“Her picture is right there,” Wasaki pointed at the wall. Others would have a smug expression on, but he knew that it would only lead to more verbal attacks from Noah, and possibly physical. “See for yourself.”

“It’s just an empty frame,” Noah sighed. “And even if there was a picture of a girl, it wouldn’t mean anything.”

Wasaki’s entire body turned. The frame was empty. He was surprised, and kept protesting about the existence of a picture in the frame earlier, but Noah responded with accusing him of hallucinating while lying on the floor.

The differences between the two were varied, but that wasn’t what put a barrier up, it was Noah, who constantly refused to become Wasaki’s friend, even though the latter has been nothing but kind to him.

Noah opened the door and walked out. Wasaki followed him and almost begged him to help search for Chimchar and the girl, but Noah refused, kept accusing Wasaki of imagining things, and proceeded for the front doors.

Wasaki gave up. He redirected his attention to finding his Pokémon and the mysterious girl. What could have made Chimchar so frightened of the picture? He probably tore it while panicking, which would explain the empty frame. His chain of thoughts was interrupted by a loud curse and a bang. He ran out of the room he was in, onto the ledge looking over the entrance.

“The front doors are locked!” Noah voice invaded the house and filled every room of it. There was another bang sound, and another curse. “I’m stuck here!”

Wasaki walked over to the edge of the floor he was on and held on to the unstable wood, a mistake that would cost him soon. Noah was kicking the front doors, trying to open then, and his Prinplup was next to him attacking the door as well.

Wasaki leaned in. The wood made an unsafe sound, and bent a little. “Noah,” Wasaki shouted at his rival. “Let’s search for another exit if you really want to get out.”

“I don’t need your help! I refuse it, actually!” Noah once again put up his defense mechanism, blocking Wasaki from making any connection with him. “I’ll jump out of the broken windows!”

“You’ll cut-“

“Shut up!” Noah and Prinplup looked at the windows, and walked towards them. “They’re fixed!” His voice tore through the house even stronger than his previous cries, and it made Wasaki cringe.

“Would you mind keeping it down?”

“Or what? I’ll upset the ghosts? Grow up, Wasaki!” Noah picked up a nearby vase by grabbing the plant it was holding, which was weirdly fresh considering no one lived here, and threw it at the window. There was an even louder bang. The vase shattered, the plant almost injured Prinplup, but the window remained perfectly fine. Prinplup seemed to wait for an apology, but Noah didn’t even acknowledge his existence in the room.

“You’ve upset the ghosts,” Wasaki said, and quickly regretted his attempt at a joke. He had to change the subject. “Noah, let’s just-“

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Noah shouted at Wasaki, this time facing him. His eyes were full of anger. “Why do you-“

“Listen to me for once!” Wasaki retaliated and put even more weight on the wood. “You keep interrupting me! I’ve never done anything to you! I stood up for you when you were bullied as a kid!” With every word, Wasaki leaned more onto the wood. He was unaware of it; all of his thoughts were directed at Noah. “I have no idea why you hate me so much! We’re practically on the same-“

Then the wood gave away, and Wasaki tumbled downwards, heading face first to the floor.

 

[Italics]

Know what I'm doin'? -- Italics

Chapter two:

Spoiler

“That’s weird,” Wasaki addressed Chimchar. Perhaps use "said" instead? “There is a picture of the girl right here, the one I followed. Do you think she lives here?” Here's a quick, funny lesson on the semi-colon. Definitely recommend you read it. IT'S JUST THAT AWESOME.

Chimchar reached out to touch the picture that was hanging from a wall in one of the many rooms of the mansion, momentarily covering Wasaki’s sight with the back of his hand when the picture suddenly blinked. Er, what? Sentence is weird. Chimchar let out a high-pitched scream of fright that caused Wasaki’s ears to ring and struggled in the backpack. The trainer lost his balance and toppled backwards. Luckily, Chimchar managed to get out of the bag before it smashed against the floor, and he ran for the half-opened door that was directly behind them.

“Chimchar! Wait!” Wasaki struggled to get up. When he had fallen his hand had sunk deep into one of the floorboards and getting it out became a problem. Wasaki got up to his knees and started pulling his hand out, which only led to more pain. Chimchar’s screams could be heard outside as well as the sound of other Pokémon, seemingly attacking him. “Chimchar, come back!”

The door of the room was shut with a violent sound, causing Wasaki to jump up. The wood scratched his hand and he started to bleed, but he was free at last. However, the pain was more agonizing than it should have been, and Wasaki felt dazed. His body dropped to the ground and the screams of Chimchar soon faded away along with the room around him. HAUNTED FLOORBAORDS!

His eyelids closed. The floor felt like a hard bed but his consciousness was still in the room. He knew that he was in the Old Chateau, that Chimchar had run off while in an unstable state of panic, and that some ghost probably locked him in. Who knew what would happen to him?

He was afraid. This must be the end for him. He should have followed Noah to Eterna City. What about the girl? Why should he be the one that had to help the girl? What kind of person would think that?

The questions raged in Wasaki’s mind. What Noah said must be true; he had to be the one that helped every single person. Wasaki felt his body rising; this must be the end for him. It must be a ghost. It had to mean his demise.

Then a sudden shock of pain struck his face, and his eyes flew open.

Everything was a blur, but he was still in the room. Something held him against the wall, screaming at him, and apparently slapping him. It took just one more slap for Wasaki to return to reality. His sight cleared up and the sounds became clearer. He looked at the ghost, but what he saw was something else.

“Noah?” he said, confused. “Did you come back for me?”

“No,” Noah said. “Chimchar brought me back. Your wrist is bleeding, and someone seems to have been hitting your face.”

“That wasn’t you trying to wake me up?”

Noah sighed and looked at Wasaki. It was him who woke him up, but it wasn’t the main objective of the slapping. “Don’t think about thanking me,” Noah said as soon as he let go of Wasaki. “If it was up to me, you would be decaying in here.”

Wasaki looked around the room. He was used to Noah’s insults, combined with the fact that he knew why Noah was that way made him able to brush them off easily. His eyes searched the room once more. “You said Chimchar brought you here. Where is he?”

Noah turned his head as well; Chimchar was nowhere to be found. “He was here a minute ago,” he said. “You should search for him.”

“And the girl?” Wasaki said as he got up.

“There is no girl!” Noah shouted frustratedly.

“Her picture is right there,” Wasaki pointed at the wall. Others would have a smug expression on, but he knew that it would only lead to more verbal attacks from Noah, and possibly physical. “See for yourself.”

“It’s just an empty frame,” Noah sighed. “And even if there was a picture of a girl, it wouldn’t mean anything.”

Wasaki’s entire body turned. The frame was empty. He was surprised, and kept protesting about the existence of a picture in the frame earlier, but Noah responded with accusing him of hallucinating while lying on the floor.

The differences between the two were varied, but that wasn’t what put a barrier up; it was Noah, who constantly refused to become Wasaki’s friend, even though the latter had been nothing but kind to him. Wasaki...you're weird. And impulsive. I'm gonna call you Ash II. Hello, Ash II. Nice to meet you.

Noah opened the door and walked out. Wasaki followed him and almost begged him to help search for Chimchar and the girl, but Noah refused, kept accusing Wasaki of imagining things, and proceeded for the front doors. And Noah, I'm gonna call you Gary II. Hi. How you doin', Gary II?

Wasaki gave up. He redirected his attention to finding his Pokémon and the mysterious girl. What could have made Chimchar so frightened of the picture? He probably tore it while panicking, which would explain the empty frame. His chain of thoughts was interrupted by a loud curse and a bang. He ran out of the room he was in, onto the ledge looking over the entrance.

“The front doors are locked!” Noah voice invaded the house and filled every room of it. There was another banging sound, and another curse. “I’m stuck here!”

Wasaki walked over to the edge of the floor he was on and held on to the unstable wood, a mistake that would cost him soon. Sudden Omniscient Narrator used Future Sight! It's Super Effective! Noah was kicking the front doors, trying to open then, and his Prinplup was next to him attacking the door as well.

Wasaki leaned in. The wood made an unsafe sound, and bent a little. “Noah!” Wasaki shouted at his rival. “Let’s search for another exit if you really want to get out.”

“I don’t need your help! I refuse it, actually!” Noah once again put up his defense mechanism, blocking Wasaki from making any connection with him. “I’ll jump out of the broken windows!”

“You’ll cut --“

“Shut up!” Noah and Prinplup looked at the windows, and walked towards them. “They’re fixed!” His voice tore through the house even stronger than his previous cries, and it made Wasaki cringe.

“Would you mind keeping it down?”

“Or what? I’ll upset the ghosts? Grow up, Wasaki!” Noah picked up a nearby vase by grabbing the plant it was holding, which was weirdly fresh considering no one lived there, and threw it at the window. There was an even louder bang. The vase shattered, the planet Whoa, what? almost injured Prinplup, but the window remained perfectly fine. Prinplup seemed to wait for an apology, but Noah didn’t even acknowledge his existence in the room.

“You’ve upset the ghosts,” Wasaki said, and quickly regretted his attempt at a joke. He had to change the subject. “Noah, let’s just --“

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Noah shouted at Wasaki, this time facing him. His eyes were full of anger. “Why do you --“

“Listen to me for once!” Wasaki retaliated and put even more weight on the wood. “You keep interrupting me! I’ve never done anything to you! I stood up for you when you were bullied as a kid!” With every word, Wasaki leaned more onto the wood. He was unaware of it; all of his thoughts were directed at Noah. “I have no idea why you hate me so much! We’re practically on the same --“

Then the wood gave away, and Wasaki tumbled downwards, heading face first to the floor.

I really like this chapter. (I dunno, I find it funny when fictional characters nearly faint, and ghosts interfere, and people nearly die.) And I love the interaction between the two. Who doesn't like rivalry between two people?

Also, I just reread my previous review; sorry if I sounded like a dick last time. I'm trying to get a sort of "bedside manner," but I'm still looking for a right balance. LOOK WHO'S THE GUINEA PIG?

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

Wow! I never noticed the planet XD It was supposed to be plant!(Now fixed) I can't stop laughing! Your reviews are great, go crazy with them! Do they really act like Ash and Gary? I never noticed that.

You might have noticed that I only go back and correct the spelling mistakes, mainly because... There's no reason actually...

I've read the "lesson". You should probably know that English isn't my first language, and ";" wasn't taught to us at all... All my uses of it were self-learned based on Microsoft Word Grammar corrections.

 

[AceTrainer14]

Interesting chapter. I was hoping for more character development, but it was very entertaining all the same. I hope they find Chimchar soon, and I do hope Wasaki is alright so we can learn more about him.

When you get further in Galactic, you will see my own version of the ghost girl

 

[Italics]

Wow! I never noticed the planet XD It was supposed to be plant!(Now fixed) I can't stop laughing! Your reviews are great, go crazy with them! Do they really act like Ash and Gary? I never noticed that.

Ha ha. You shouldn't have said that. Post another chapter and you'll see why.

You might have noticed that I only go back and correct the spelling mistakes, mainly because... There's no reason actually...

Eh, I rarely, if ever, go back and fix any of my mistakes. Which is a touch hypocritical, but there you go.

I've read the "lesson". You should probably know that English isn't my first language, and ";" wasn't taught to us at all... All my uses of it were self-learned based on Microsoft Word Grammar corrections.

OH MY GOD, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? I would've tailored the review for you! I would've explained several concepts that usually only apply to English! I would've shown you how to correctly use certain punctuation marks!

GAWD. If you weren't so damn good at English, I would've figured it out sooner!

Asshole.

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

Interesting chapter. I was hoping for more character development, but it was very entertaining all the same. I hope they find Chimchar soon, and I do hope Wasaki is alright so we can learn more about him.

When you get further in Galactic, you will see my own version of the ghost girl

This was more of a Plot chapter, character chapters will flood you soon, don't worry. And I'm interested in seeing your spin on the girl story as I've already planned out mine.

OH MY GOD, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? I would've tailored the review for you! I would've explained several concepts that usually only apply to English! I would've shown you how to correctly use certain punctuation marks!

GAWD. If you weren't so damn good at English, I would've figured it out sooner!

Asshole.

People are usually shocked when they realise English is my second language. Especially the people here in England. I do still want you to do your reviews as if that information was never revealed, it would help me become better as a writer.

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

3​

It would have been a normal day in Twinleaf Town, but the incident that occurred earlier that day in the Wilson household caused an unusual stir that disrupted the peace of the small town.

Aloha Wilson, the mother of the household was spread across the grass, crying her eyes out, being comforted by the other housewives, and shouting incoherent nonsense at her house. A few meters away from her stood her daughter, Amorette Wilson. She was fighting to hold back her tears, looking at her mother and feeling pity for her.

She was fourteen year old, and had tried hard to establish herself as the tough female that can’t be shaken down, but this event affected everyone. In her arms, she held her little brother, Noah Wilson. The six-year-old boy was crying, he buried his head deep in his sister’s arms, and occasionally looked at his mother.

The young Wasaki looked on the sight as he wondered what had happened. He was young and oblivious, and seeing the sight of an adult woman sobbing on the grass hysterically, hair unkempt, eyes wild, and clothes dirty, gave him the feeling that everything was not going to be the same from now on.

Beside Aloha was his mother; the one Wasaki got most of his looks from. She had the same black hair, only hers was longer, her skin was as dark as Wasaki’s, and her eyes had a different shade of green.

That day at Twinleaf started it all. From then on, children teased Noah about the event and bullied him, and his sister had decided to run away after becoming sixteen years old, while his mother was constantly alone in the house.

Wasaki found it disgusting and sickening how some kids would rub such a tragic memory in Noah’s face. He never participated in these acts, and never understood why until he was slightly older, when he started defending Noah, and would sometimes get beaten up for it. But Wasaki endured, nobody should suffer what Noah suffered. After all, there was nothing funny about bullying a kid whose father committed suicide.

The rush of water snapped Wasaki back to the Old Chateau. He would have collided with the weak wood floor and possible died had Prinplup not sent out a wave of water that carried Wasaki away from the floor. He was turned upside down, and the flow carried him over and smashed him into a wall. A rush of agonizing pain attacked Wasaki, but it was better than losing your life.

“I saved you once again,” Noah sighed, even though he hadn’t ordered Prinplup to do anything. “You better find me an exit.”

“Oh… Noah…” Wasaki breathed heavily. “Couldn’t you… Catch my breath…”

Noah squinted his eyes and walked towards Wasaki. He hated him with such passion that was extremely surprising, even to Noah at some points. He kept repeating to himself all the things he hated about Wasaki, and his hatred grew with each step.

Prinplup followed closely, keeping every step silent, hoping that Noah doesn’t return him to his Poké Ball. He wanted to get to know his new trainer and become friends with him, just like Wasaki. But it was hopeless, there was always a barrier, the same one.

“I want to get out of here,” Noah said. “I don’t care about any girl. You better find me an exit.”

The girl. Wasaki had forgotten completely about her, as well as Chimchar. “You refused my help since we were kids,” Wasaki said. “But I will help you if you help me now, please.”

Noah considered Wasaki’s offer. The latter has been trying to help him out all along. It was fine to help him as long as he got something in return, which is getting out of this building. “Fine,” Noah sighed. “I’ll help you, but you better make this quick.”

Wasaki reached out his hand, hoping that Noah would take it and help him to his feet, but his self-proclaimed rival turned around, only to notice Prinplup. “I forgot about you,” Noah’s tone harmed Prinplup’s feelings and made him feel as if Noah didn’t care about him at all. The Pokémon hung his head down, almost crying before being withdrawn to his Poké Ball. “You shouldn’t be walking. Return.”

Wasaki wanted to address how Noah treated his starter, but decided that it would be for the best if he kept silent; Noah was bound to learn his lesson when the time comes anyway. For now, they should focus of finding the missing Pokémon and the mysterious girl.

Wasaki pulled himself up from the floor. He straightened his clothes and patted them slightly to get the dust out, before realizing that he was drenched in Prinplup’s water, which made the entire process useless. He wondered why Noah hadn’t informed him, but when he looked at him and saw his smug expression, his thoughts were answered.

“I’m just trying to be your friend,” Wasaki sighed. “Can’t you just try as well?”

“Stop it with that friendship nonsense,” Noah said. “Let’s go.”

“Yeah, we have to-“

“Stop repeating yourself! We know what we will do! It’s like being around an obnoxious robot!”

That day at Twinleaf, it would have been a normal one. But Noah had blocked everyone he didn’t know out of his life, believing that the only person he has to protect was his mother. He believed that he could no longer trust anyone. What Noah’s father did harmed his mother more than anything else ever could, and Wasaki understood the need to fulfill a mother’s need.

“Take care,” Wasaki’s mother had said to him. “You will be on the same path as Noah. Even though you have different goals, don’t let them get in the way of your friendship. Noah might have locked himself away from all the other residents, but I want you to remind him that there are still nice people in the world. He is screaming for help, don’t let him down, Wasaki.”

“Don’t worry, mother,” Wasaki said politely. “I will try my best to become his friend.” To the young man, his mother was the wisest person to ever walk on the ground. He had great respect for her and admired her strength through all the hardships she suffered.

But no matter how tough the exterior she put up is, she herself was screaming for help.

 

[Der_Neuevenmenschen]

Oooh! Quite an interesting chapter! This really ties up a good deal of the plot points from Mt. Coronet that went unsolved, and you write it very well. Noah comes across as quite the asshole in this chapter, trying to kill Wasaki and all.

You've got a subscriber in me.

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

Great! Very happy that you've liked the chapter! I planned on revealing the "Father Incident" in Journey out of Mt. Coronet, but when I decided to write prequels and sequels (A suggestion by Gastly's Mama), I settled for revealing it in this story. Because I couldn't imagine Noah willingly remembering the incident, while Wasaki is willing to.

Thanks for reading and commenting. Hope you like what is to come.

 

[Shadow Raikou]

Great, maybe you will also spawn a series of stories all linked to each other, like ghastly's mama's stories. Dont ever think Raikou & Ghastly will forget abt your stories.:banana: