Do not attempt to resist.
My name is Giovanni, and I am the leader of Team Rainbow Rocket – a multidimensional collaboration of the universe’s greatest criminal minds!
Our purpose these past 25 years has been the subjugation of Pokémon for our personal wealth and power, and to this end we have seized control of the site known to this reality as Bulbagarden. The contributions of thousands of Pokémon fans on Bulbapedia, Bulbanews and the Bulbagarden Forums are now at our fingertips.
With this change in leadership, you may notice a range of new… promotional activities across Bulbagarden. However, the site will be returned undamaged and the staff unharmed, so long as our demands are met:
- 10-year olds are to be abolished. No exceptions.
- All Pokémon Centers are to be converted to Rocket™ Game Corners.
- Touching private posters is to be made an imprisonable offense.
- GameFreak is to immediately commence work on Let’s Go: Rattata and Let’s Go: Zubat.
- Tax breaks are to be implemented for children named after space-going rockets.
The land is to be expanded at all costs. The sea is to be expanded at all costs.
- Both the land and sea are to be expanded, as and when time and circumstances suit each, at all costs.
- Pitiful human emotion is to be prohibited (unless said emotion is hype for Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl).
- All Pokémon are to be set free from their Trainers and turned over to the green-haired gentleman with fetching robes.
- The wearing of blazers is to be made compulsory and cargo shorts are to be banned.
- Team Rainbow Rocket is to retain exclusive rights to interdimensional travel. Entities capable of bridging the unfathomable gaps between realities are to be confined to their bag at all times.