EVERYONE: A New Life - For Better or Worse.

[GastlyGibus]

So, I was hanging out in the Writers Workshop general chat thread, and everybody was talking about fan-fiction, about how it's good practice, etc.... One thing I noticed is that a lot of people here have written what's called a "Journey Fic," which is essentially a Pokemon fan-fic about a kid who goes on a Pokemon journey. It's something you see a lot of in this fandom. Then I realized, I never did a journey fic. However, I didn't want to make another "typical" journey fic about some random kid that goes on a journey and yada-yada-yada. So, I thought of ways to make different... to put a unique twist on it, while still having it be a journey fic. The result should be apparent once you start reading.

Anyways, as always, comments and constructive criticism are welcome, and encouraged. This is the first time I've written a story entirely in the first-person perspective, so I'm prone to mess up. If there is something you felt could have been better, do let me know, please! I know this chapter is a little short, but future chapters should be much longer.

Without further ado, here you go. Enjoy!

*****

Chapter One: I knew I should have stayed home today...​

The darkness began to creep into the forest, creating a sense of calm and peace. All the taillow were off sleeping in their nests, and the other pokemon were doing likewise. I could faintly hear the Shroomish as they scurried off to their homes. The trees were rustling, loose leaves falling to the ground as the Slakoth were moving to their nests as well. And while everybody was packing up and calling it a night, here I was, foraging for spare food in the dark.

Maybe I’m a little paranoid. I am willing to acknowledge that. Going out in the dead of night to gather spare rations “just in case” might seem like a ludicrous thing to do. But you never know what might happen the next day. What if I was cornered into my home by an angry swellow? Or a wild poochyena saw fit to wreak terror? As a wurmple, my poison sting is my only real defense, and to be honest, I’m not very confident that a measly little poison sting is going to chase off a predator three times my size. So I gather food at night, in the rare event that I am trapped in my own home and require food and water. Of course, such a thing has never happened before, for which I am thankful, but you never can be sure. I believe there’s a saying about being safe than sorry that applies here, but that’s besides the point.

I scurried through the tall grass, keeping an eye out for any would-be predators. It was almost midnight, so fortunately, most if not all of the predators in these woods were most likely sleeping. Still, I had to be cautious. I silently crept about, finding a good, sizeable tree to gather food from. My sustenance was in high supply and low demand; leaves and sap from the trees - just the way I liked it. Using the natural suction pads on my feet, I quickly made my way towards the top of the tree, where my bounty lay. Reaching the top branches, I looked out over the forest ground. Even with the darkness all around, I could see the layout of it all. The patches of tall grass, the ledges and trees scattered abroad. It was breathtaking, to say the least. But I wasn’t here for sightseeing; I had a job to do. I went to work picking off spare leaves, dropping them to the ground one by one. I would collect them later.

I continued my work uninterrupted for several minutes, until a slight rustling of leaves down below caught my attention. I turned my gaze down, seeing the source of the noise: a slakoth on the branch just below mine. He looked at me with that traditional dim-witted expression I’ve come to know so well from his species. I returned his gaze, engaging in a rather awkward staring contest, his eyes not leaving mine. What on earth did this fool want?

“Can I help you?” I said, trying my best to be polite to the fellow. He continued to stare at me for several seconds, and I began to wonder if he even heard me. I sighed, irritation beginning to creep up inside me.

“I said, can I--”

“What’re you doin’, wormy-dude?” the slakoth interrupted, his words long and drawn out. He sounded like he was only half awake, and knowing his species, he probably was. He was lying on his stomach, arms and legs hanging limp off the branch he loafed on. Thankfully, slakoth posed no threat to me, so I continued my work as I thought of an answer to his query.

“I’m gathering spare food for the night,” I answered calmly, not willing to indulge the slakoth with a more detailed answer. He probably didn’t care anyways.

“Well, yeah, I see that, wormy-dude…” he replied, his face still bearing that blank, goofy smile. “But it’s, like, really late out, you know?”

“Exactly,” I answered, wishing that the slakoth would just stop talking. I suppose it wouldn’t matter though, as I was nearing the completion of my foraging. “Every other pokemon is asleep now, which means I can work in safety, without the threat of predators.”

“Oooohhhhh…” the slakoth said in a sudden realization. Or maybe he didn’t understand at all? It didn’t matter. I was finished. I gathered a few more leaves as some last minute additions, then began to crawl down the tree to my bounty below. The slakoth followed my movements, giving a small wave goodbye as I left. “Take care, wormy-dude.”

“I intend to,” I replied calmly. Well, at least the slakoth fellow was nice, albeit a tad nosey. Once on the ground, I quickly gathered the leaves I had picked from the tree, retreating to my nest. At this rate, I’d be home in no time and be able to get a decent night’s sleep - something which was becoming increasingly difficult to do with my late night foraging, but it was necessary for my own peace of mind. No rest for the weary and all that.

I had made it back to my nest: a small tunnel I had dug out in an opening located at the base of a large tree. The hole was just small enough for me to squeeze through, and ensured that no predators could chase me through. Home sweet home.

Just when I thought I was home free, I heard a rustling in the tall grass to my right. I quickly turned my gaze, dropping my rations in a panic.

“W-who’s there?!” I asked nervously. I focused intently on the tall blades of grass, keeping an eye out for any signs of movement. I couldn’t see anything moving, but I heard the rustling still. As logical and sound as it would have been to retreat with haste, I couldn’t move, paralyzed by fear. Curse my paranoia….

Suddenly, I saw the grass shifting, and a blue blur popped out - a mudkip, jumping right in front of my gaze!

“Waah!” I screamed, beginning to run back to my tunnel, completely abandoning my gathered spoils. Before I had even traveled more than a foots distance, I heard a voice call out.

“Goulelly!youseatacuhlatahk!”

Before I could even begin to process the garbled mess that I had heard, the mudkip leapt at me, ramming into me in a tackle that sent me sprawling away on the ground. I moaned in pain, rolling over on my side. I was caught completely off-guard, taken aback by surprise, unable to move. The tackle knocked the wind out of me, and I felt as if I would pass out, just barely clinging on to consciousness, when the strange voice called out again.

“Poekuhbawl!Gou!”

I blinked several times, trying to clear my blurring vision. I couldn’t see clearly, but what I did see was enough to make me flinch. A multi-colored projectile came flying towards me, tapping my limp form and blasting out a beam of red energy. In seconds, my entire form was surrounded in the red aura, and soon, my vision faded to black. I couldn’t see, but I could feel. I had been trapped! I struggled, desperately trying to free myself from this newfound prison, but in my delirious and pained state, it was a futile effort. I heard a clicking sound, and wearily resigned myself to exhaustion. Just before I passed out, I heard that strange voice again, muttering more unintelligible sounds:

“Wealcuhmtuthateehm!”

*****​

 

[Shock3600]

It seems very good so far. I like how the humans sound.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Bwahaha. One of us, one of us!

Ahem. Anyway. Now for an actual mini-review

Technical Accuracy/Style
Nice and sharp on the accuracy, and I'm on board with the language you're using - neither flat nor flowery.

Story
Well, you might say there's not a lot to say here, but I reckon this is a decent start. You've set up the main character quite well in what, 1000 words or so?

Characters
I like the wurmple so far. For some reason I never imagined wurmple to be particularly bright so it's quite amusing to see this wurmple going about its business, shooting the breeze (Except not really) with a slow-witted slakoth. I guess at this point my only reservation is how you end up dealing with the trainer. I'm a little concerned that the trainer is going to come off as a dumbass kidnapper in mockery of the "catch 'em to befriend 'em" aspect of the anime. Personally, I'm hoping for something a little different

Final Thoughts
Solid introduction, and I'm looking forward to see where you go with it

 

[Midorikawa]

I like the concept and wurmple's personality is clear from the beginning, so it will be quite interesting to see how being a trainer's pokemon changes him. However it would have been nice to get a hint of mudkip's personality during the battle, because he just seemed like a mindless slave robot.

 

[Legacy]

Wurmple's characterization is a strong point here. Great start! Will be interested to see where this goes.

 

[GastlyGibus]

I appreciate the kind words, everyone. Glad to know I haven't completely screwed up here. xD

Quick responses:

Spoiler

Shock3600 - Thank you! It's kind of hard trying to write English as it would sound to someone who doesn't speak it. That's kind of the idea I was going for here. But still, I'm glad you liked it!

Pavell - I appreciate the in-depth review, even though it is just a single, lonely chapter. I'm not sure what you mean about the trainer, though. I don't watch the anime, so I'm not familiar at all with how it works. If you could elaborate more with your concerns over the trainer?

Midorikawa - Thanks! I definitely plan to expand upon the other pokemon's personalities, since the story is going to be told from their perspective.

Legacy - Have I said "thank you" enough to everybody yet? I'm running out of synonyms for expressing gratitude, so I'll just say it again. Thank you!

Anyways, finally have something new for this one. Enjoy!

*****

Chapter Two: Strange Things.​

​

“I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead I died I’m dead…”

I repeated those words like some twisted mantra to myself. I had instinctively curled up into a ball, my eyes shut tight, silently praying that this was some kind of dream. After what felt like several minutes of just sitting like this, I opened one eye. What I saw surprised me.

It was very dark, but I could make out some vague details. I was in a small, round room, not unlike my home back in the forest. However, instead of dirt and rocks, the walls were colored a dark blue color. Despite the situation I was in, I couldn’t help but feel slightly relaxed. The floor was soft, but firm, in the same color as the walls. Against the wall was a small cushion. I dragged myself to my feet, and approached the cushion out of curiosity. It looked comfortable, enticing even, and I couldn’t resist. I climbed on top of it, and it felt heavenly. I stretched a bit curling up and relaxing into it’s soft embrace. Perhaps I had died, and this was heaven…

No! No, no, no! This was NOT okay! I had been kidnapped, and my kidnappers must have been trying to lure me into a false sense of security! This must have been their plan all along. Kidnap me and make me comfortable, and then WHAM! Right when I least expect it, something terrible happens. I don’t what what they had in store for me, but they weren’t going to get a chance to do it. Oh no, they weren’t going to fool this wurmple! No, sir! I quickly jumped off the cushion, frantically looking around the strange room I was in. It was then I noticed something: a small panel on the wall. It looked like it could be opened. Cautiously, I crept over, slowly lifting the panel up to see what lay behind.

It was the strangest thing. I saw the outside! The beautiful green trees, the bright summer sun, I could hardly believe it! But something was off about it. I knew I was not the biggest pokemon around, but things definitely seemed more imposing than before. It was as if I had shrunk, somehow. If only that were the strangest thing. I looked up through the panel, and I saw it. A human!

I had heard about humans - even saw some pass through the forest I lived in - but I had never seen one up close before. Was this my kidnapper? It seemed likely, and I apparently had been captured in this strange spherical prison, which was currently strapped to their waist, by the look of things. The human walked along, whistling a happy tune as he did. Or at least, I thought it was happy. Admittedly, my knowledge of human emotions was less-than-ideal, and for all I knew the human could have been whistling the conquering song of their people. Considering my predicament, I wouldn’t put it past them.

They continued to walk along the path, until we eventually reached a clearing in the woods. The trees were sparse here, which must have meant we were nearing the exit. I had never left my forest home before. The thought of leaving was terrifying, especially considering that I was leaving against my will. I had briefly entertained the thought of escaping from this device. I’m sure it would have been possible. Then again, assuming I were to escape, the human would probably just have that damned mudkip tackle me again, an experience I did not want to relive. I regretfully surrendered to my situation. Farewell, my forest home; I hardly knew thee…

As we reached the clearing, the human took the large pack strapped to its shoulders, reaching in and grabbing several containers, setting them down on the ground. Small dishes were set on the ground - two to be exact - as they reached for the containers from earlier and began to pour the contents into the dishes.

Then, as they finished, I saw them reach towards their belt, grabbing a small spherical contraption. I gasped… was that the same contraption it had captured me in? The human held it out in front of them, a bright red beam of energy shooting outwards towards the ground. A familiar shape began to materialize at the ground; it was that mudkip again, bearing a grin of joy upon being released from its confinement. Poor creature… it must have been under the “care” of this human for quite some time, enough to develop an attachment to it. How depressing.

Suddenly, the human reached towards my container! I couldn’t help but let out an undignified shriek as I slammed the panel - my only window to the outside world - shut in fear. What was going to happen to me? I closed my eyes and waited for the worst.

“Please don’t hurt me please don’t hurt me please oh please don’t hurt me!”

I chanted these words to myself, my eyes closed tight, when I suddenly felt… the breeze? I peeked one eye open, and just like that, I was outside, freed from my small prison. I looked around in confusion. Strange contraptions indeed, those multi-colored spheres. I briefly wondered how such a thing could function, but I put aside those thought just as quickly as they came. I probably wouldn’t have figured out the answer anyway.

The human muttered some more unintelligible words, before taking a seat on the ground and reaching into its pack for food. I looked over at the mudkip, who was happily eating the contents of her dish. I noticed the other dish in front of me. Was this supposed to be food? I sniffed it cautiously… it smelled enticing, and it didn’t look half bad either.

No! There I go again! This is just another trick! I turned my nose up at the contents. I was not going to be some human’s little pet. I pushed the dish away from me. I would rather starve than eat this human’s idea of nourishment.

My train of thought was interrupted by the sound of laughter. I looked to my right, seeing the mudkip, her paw over her mouth as she snickered at me. It was rather insulting, to be honest.

“And just what are you laughing at, miss?” I said in irritation. The mudkip just laughed at me again, before regaining her composure slightly.

“I’m laughing at you, silly!” the mudkip said, her laughter continuing once again. “You act like he’s trying to poison you or something.”

“He’s trying to poison me?!” I exclaimed in shock. I looked back at the dish in horror. I knew it! I knew it was a trick!

The mudkip’s laughter grew as she couldn’t control herself. I looked at her angrily, silently commanding her to cease her mockery.

“Of course not!” she said, clearly amused by my actions. “Gosh, you’re pretty paranoid, aren’t you?”

“Well, you’ll forgive me for being cautious after being kidnapped,” I replied indignantly. What was I supposed to do? Just happily accept this and pretend like nothing was wrong?

“Oh come on, Greg’s a really nice guy,” the mudkip responded.

“Greg? What on earth is a Greg?”

The mudkip motioned to the human sitting across from us. “That’s Greg. He’s a trainer.”

“A trainer?” I asked again, confused. As if I were expected to just know what these human terms were supposed to mean. The mudkip nodded in response.

“Yup. Trainers, from what I can tell, go around and battle other trainers with their Pokemon. It’s like a contest for them.”

“How barbaric,” I said bluntly.

“It’s not that bad,” the mudkip replied. “Actually, it’s kind of fun. Of course, I’ve only been travelling with Greg for a few days now, but so far he’s been really nice. After the battles he makes sure I’m okay, we’ll rest for a bit, and then we’ll keep going.”

“I see…” I said, clearly not understanding how anybody could find this fun or enjoyable in any sense of the words. “Doesn’t sound like fun to me.”

“Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it,” she explained, that same amused smile on her face. “It’s exhilarating; the heat of the moment, the teamwork… it’s hard to describe. Oh, I almost forgot! My name is Lily. What’s yours?”

“My name?” The thought had never occurred to me. I had lived alone in the forest for as long as I could remember, and I didn’t have many friends. It had been so long since anybody referred to me by name… did I even have a name? “I… don’t have one…”

Lily just laughed at me again. “Haha, well, I’m sure Greg will be able to pick a good name for you.” I scoffed at her suggestion. As if I would stand for being given a name by this human like I was its possession. Preposterous. Lily just kept snickering at me, before she motioned towards my food dish. “You should eat up. It’s not bad, I promise. Greg’s not trying to poison you or anything.”

I looked towards the food dish as it lay untouched in front of me. As much as I wanted to refuse the offer, I had to admit that I was getting a little peckish. I hesitantly looked over the food again, examining the contents. Assorted nuts and bits of fruit, from the looks of it. With a sigh of defeat, I reluctantly ate the food that had been served for me. Well, I suppose Lily was right after all. It tasted good enough, and I wasn’t dead yet. Maybe I was being a little paranoid….

Suddenly, the human, Greg, spoke up, looking towards me for a moment.

“Sow...ayeshuldcuhmuhpwhithanaemferyushuldentaye?”

I looked over to Lily in confusion. “I’m sorry, is it talking to me? I don’t speak Greg.”

Lily gave an amused smile, before explaining what had been said. “He’s trying to come up with a name for you.”

“Oh, joy…” I replied with irritation. Who knows what kind of dull moniker this fellow would slap on me? I looked back towards Greg, as he looked like he had stumbled upon an answer. I dreaded to hear his suggestion.

“Wahtabowt… Jeahffree?”

“Translation?” I asked Lily.

“I think he’s decided to call you Geoffry,” she said with a smile. “I think it’s a good name, don’t you agree?”

“Geoffry…” I thought about it for a moment, repeating the name to myself several times in my head. I suppose there could have been worse names to pick. I shrugged in reluctant acceptance. There was nothing I could do to change it regardless.

“Well then, Geoffry,” Lily said, placing emphasis on my new name. “Welcome to the team! You’ll have fun, I promise. Just give it a chance.”

I let out a sigh, resigning myself to the life that fate had thrown me into. Lily tried gave me a reassuring smile, but it only helped so much. I guess there was nothing left to do but play along, for the time being. Who knows? Maybe Lily was right, and maybe I was being too paranoid. Only time would tell for sure.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Y'know what, never mind, I'm not seeing any parody here. Nothing new to say about language here - like it, works great. Wurmple is surprisingly erudite, and I like that. Who'd have thought a caterpillar could be so likeable? Interesting concepts explored in this chapter. Your idea of how Wurmple - or Geoffry, I suppose - perceives the Poké Ball works well. What else is good ... ah, yes, exploring the idea of how a wild creature might react to the idea of being named and battling. Approaching it from a resentful but not dark angle is refreshing to see, and it doesn't come off as too easy to me.

Slight suggestion, perhaps you could italicise Geoffry rather than tell us that Lily stresses the word?

 

[Flaze]

I have to say Gibs, you always surprise me by making your fics about thins I've been wanting to see for a while now. I mean looking at a fic from the Pokemon's point of view and exploring the world from their point of view is really interesting. I think that the story is off to a pretty good start, Geoffrey is a pretty good protagonist and funny to boot. Actually I like the overall lightheartd feeling that this story gives out even though most people would probably take a more serious look at it, I myself prefer it this way. I liked how you explored the inside of the pokeball, it was interesting.

Anyways, I'm going to be waiting on this one too and I hope I get to see more of it.

 

[AetherX]

I've read a couple journey fics from the POV of a Pokemon, but what a really love about this is that of all the Pokemon you could have chosen, you picked Wurmple. I also like how you've made human-speak seem like gibberish, but still sound like what it sounds like. You've got some great description, good pacing, and a solid characterization of Geoffry. As Flaze said, it's nice that the story's funny and lighthearted rather than the usual darker take on things. I'm looking forward to some kind of plot taking off from the perspective of our brave Wurmple narrator. Overall, points for the idea and execution so far.

Review Extravaganza 9/50

 

[GastlyGibus]

Boop.

Chapter Three: Civil Disobedience.​

We had finished eating only moments prior, and my captor... I’m sorry - my trainer, Greg - had graciously decided to let us roam outside of our imprisonment spheres. Lily the Mudkip walked beside the human with a spring in her step, smiling contently. I pitied her greatly. Afflicted with a terrible case of Stockholm syndrome, completely oblivious to the situation she was in. Being held captive, against her will, forced to engage in random acts of cruelty to appease her owner.

Owner. I scoffed at the term. I was nobody’s possession! I was my own Wurmple, and nobody - not human, nor pokemon, - would claim ownership of me. Lily might have been brainwashed, but not I!

Little did they know, but I had already formulated my plan of escape. Since brute force was out of the question, I would engage in a more civilized form of protest. If this human wanted me to participate in these battles that Lily had told me so much about during our brief luncheon, I would simply not participate. I would not indulge this uncouth act of merriment these humans enjoyed. Merriment my eye! As if one could find enjoyment in being an unwitting target of recreational violence. I’d sooner be a taillow’s dinner!

But, since my newfound human, Greg, insisted upon it, I would not listen. If they wanted me to fight, I would not comply. Then, only then, when Greg realized the depths of my mental fortitude - the sheer force of my indomitable will - they would release me; if I did not submit to the human’s will, they would have no choice but to do so. Then I would be home free. Back to my safe forest home, where I could put this entire ordeal behind me.

Until then, I was forced to walk alongside this human, this Greg character. Very well, I resolved to myself. I would play along for now. I would be home soon enough.

As we continued down the dirt path, I saw more humans up ahead. There was a large, wooden structure, surrounded by flowers and berry trees arranged in ornate patterns. The sight was bewildering, in a way. Why must you organize the flowers by colors and pattern? The spontaneity of nature is a beauty all it’s own. Arranging them in fickle patterns... I will never understand the human mentality.

We passed the structure. Despite my confusion at the establishment, it smelled nice. Part of me wanted to explore the inside, if only for a moment, but I quickly pushed those thoughts away. There was no need, seeing as I would be back home soon. All I needed was one battle, one chance to show this Greg that I was not some pawn for their amusement! Looking up ahead in the path, it looked like my chance might have arrived.

Another human, slightly smaller in stature, stood at the end of the path. They stood in what appeared to be defiance, or some kind of challenge. The way they gripped their imprisonment sphere gave away their intentions.

The human shouted something unintelligible at my human, holding up their sphere. Lily looked over to me, a grin forming on her face.

“Looks like this kid wants to battle!” she said excitedly. “I know you’re worried, but don’t be. It’ll be fun, I promise!”

“Yes, yes… fun,” I said wearily. This was it. All I had to do was take a few punches from whatever poor fellow this human pitted against me. After seeing my non-compliance, Greg would be forced to release me.

Both Greg and the other human took their positions. The challenger threw out his imprisonment sphere, a red beam cast forth from the center. At the end of the beam, another pokemon materialized: a Zigzagoon. Greg looked down at me, motioning to the spot in front of them.

“awlritejeaffree, arryewreddy?”

I think I heard my new name somewhere in that jargon. From the way Greg pointed to the center, I assumed they meant I was the first choice. Excellent. Time to put my plan into action. I scooted forward, like a good, obedient servant, taking a spot in front of the zigzagoon. The tiny raccoon eyed me intensely. Unlike his human, I could interpret a fellow ‘mon’s expression with ease. He looked just as excited as Lily did.

“You ready?” he asked with a smirk.

“Let’s get this over with,” I said, trying to hide a smirk. Poor Greg, about to realize it’s newest prize was too stubborn to be used as an instrument of leisure. I readied myself for the pain that was soon to follow. Unlike the ambush back in the woods, though, I was fully prepared.

Just then, the opposing human called out an order to the zigzagoon, the small ‘mon complying and rushing towards me.

“jeaffree, dahj!”

“What was that?” I thought sarcastically to myself. “I can’t hear yo- OOF!”

The Zigzagoon rammed into me forcefully with a tackle, sending me sprawling to the ground. That definitely hurt more than I was prepared for… but my will would not be broken!

“Is… is that all you’ve got?” I said, rising to my feet. “I-I didn’t even f-feel tha- ow…”

“gehtuhpjeafree, yusepoysuhnstehng!”

Greg shouted something at me. Even if I could understand it, I wasn’t going to listen. I stood defiantly, glaring at the Zigzagoon, pretending that tackle didn’t hurt at all and resisting the urge to clutch at my sides in pain.

“C-come and get me!” I shouted haughtily. The Zigzagoon simply stared, confused.

“Aren’t you going to fight back?” he asked, tilting his head slightly. Before I could answer - or at least contemplate answering, as I did not intend to respond - the opposing human barked another order at the raccoon. He shrugged, before rushing at me again with a tackle. I steeled myself for the pain to follow. My plan would work… it had to!

I cried out again in discomfort, falling to the ground yet again, not even making an attempt to dodge or fight back. I clumsily rolled to my side, trying not to let out and undignified noises, as much as my screaming nerves demanded it. Eventually, I rose to my feet again. One more hit… just one more hit, I told myself. Then Greg the human would see just how “cooperative” I was!

“Dude… this isn’t fun if you don’t do anything…” the Zigzagoon asked. His expression turned to a mixture of confusion and worry.

“I’m… j-just getting warmed up,” I muttered, before Greg called out to me one last time.

“streengshohtjeafree, lessgou!” it called out.

I crossed my tiny arms in protest. I would not be broken! If this was the only way Greg would see reason, then so be it. Suddenly, the Zigzagoon came charging again, and I shut my eyes in anticipation.

“AHHH!”

That was the final straw. I had my eyes closed tight, but I’m sure I must have flown a couple feet back easily. I landed with a thud, feigning defeat as I lay in the dirt. I peeked an eye open to see Greg holding out my imprisonment sphere, the strange red beam enveloping my form and taking me back inside the device.

I returned to that dark, albeit comfortable place inside the multi-colored sphere. I wanted to curl myself up on the cushion and rest my aching body. How on earth could anybody consider this as fun? My body hurt in all places, and I highly doubted I would have derived enjoyment from it had I even attempted to fight back.

However, despite my desire to sleep the aching away, curiosity began to take hold. Since I was down for the count as it were, Lily would be the one to take my place in the “battle.” I slowly scooted over to the viewing panel in my sphere. It was still a very strange and surreal feeling, to be peering at the world through this window. Somehow this device was able to manipulate my physical form and shrink me, but I could still see well enough. Lily the Mudkip had indeed taken my spot on the field, facing down the Zigzagoon. Just then, Greg issued a command. Lily immediately went into action, hopping forward and blasting a stream of water towards the tiny raccoon, the latter dodging just in time to avoid the attack.

I watched as the two exchanged blows, Lily engaging with a tackle of her own, the Zigzagoon retaliating with a tail whip, and despite the brutish nature of the event, they both seemed to be enjoying themselves. How pitiful. They’ve been doing this so long they actually have fun with it. I was certain they had all lost their minds a long time ago, assuming they had any to begin with.

But it was of no consequence. I did not know these ‘mon, and I did not intend to know them any further. Once Greg saw how useless it was to try and earn my cooperation, then they would have no choice but to free me. Then I could say goodbye to Lily and anybody else whom I might have the misfortune of meeting in the near future. Back home… back to the mundane, day-to-day efforts of my simple life in the forest.

Certainly better than whatever Greg had in store for me.

Just as I was about to close the panel and sleep, the battle had ended. The Zigzagoon lay flat on the ground, and Lily stood triumphantly, slightly scuffed from the fight, but she looked proud of herself. Greg and the other human exchanged some words, and the Zigzagoon was called back into his sphere.

Barbarians. All of them. Fighting for sport, as play-things for the humans. How could they sink so low? As I watched on, Greg kneeled to scoop up the Mudkip in his arms, patting her head and… showing an odd sort of affection…

And as she smiled at the attention, I could have sworn she turned to look at me. I nearly jumped back as she glared at me, or at least, my sphere. Did she know I was watching? She narrowed her eyes in what looked like disappointment, and I smirked. I closed the panel and went to sleep. Hopefully this would be the last time sleeping in this confinement.

 

[Flaze]

No grammar mistakes though I should expect that from you now shouldn't I?

So Jeafrey decided to sneak away in this chapter and it does make sense considering who the character is. I still like the way you're going about portraying battling and trainers in general in the eyes of the little Wurmple and how it's not just an innocent sport. However, I also like how you also seem to show that there'smore to it than just senseless fighting as well. Indeed it does seem like Lilly and the Zigzagoon were both into it and unlike cock fighting or other sports that pit animals against each other Pokemon trainers are at least taught that they have to be kind to their Pokemon.

So it's a really grey issue that Jeafree is facing, particularly cause he's a wurmple who is used to a life where nothing ever happens to him and just getting down from his tree is an adventure. I'm eager to see what his next interactions with Lilly will be and wehther he'll be released or not.

 

[Life]

Why hello there, Gibus! I had the enjoyment of getting to judge Geoffry for the awards, and am here to leave my comments on him! If you have any questions or concerns, let me know~

Depth
Geofrry's character is simple yet effective; he's extremely timid and is afraid of interaction with "predators". He likes to keep things tidy and seems to be a borderline control freak. For a Pokémon, Geoffry's personality is fleshed out as well as a human, despite being only three chapters in to the story.

He's quite the lovable guy, I'd say.

Originality
Wurmple don't receive much attention in fan fiction, but Geoffry makes other authors want to give the species a try. By being a humorous character in an otherwise dark scenario, Geoffry provides a sense of relaxation to the reader that would otherwise be nonexistent. The way he does things in the story is almost cute, from trying to rebel against his "captor" in such a civil manner to his actual mannerisms. However, while his current goal to be released from his trainer is not a huge problem story wise, I can't say it's original.

Entertainment Value
As mentioned above, Geoffry's personality adds a lot of humor to the story and it's interesting to see what he does. He's what draws readers in to the story and is also what makes them stay.

Contribution to the Plot
Geoffry is the reason the story exists; he's the the narrator and protagonist of the story. He causes most of the action in the story, but without his trainer, Greg, it wouldn't be possible. As the story is not yet developed, it's hard to say where the most contribution lies, but Geoffry is without a doubt a key figure to the story's movement.

Overall
As the protagonist and narrator of the story, Geoffry serves as the key figure in both story telling and entertainment. His timid, persnickety personality adds a lighthearted and humorous touch to what is usually a darkly-told story. But due to the small amount of chapters, Geoffry has yet to receive any development and his character hasn't had the chance to be as fleshed out as well as it can be. And as a protagonist, Geoffry's goal is simple and unoriginal, which is trying to get back to his home after being "kidnapped". But as a Pokémon, Geoffry is a unique, lovable character that does his job well, which is why I think he's pretty darn good.


Also, congratulations on winning the award for this category!! :~)

 

[Flaze]

Geoffrey from A New Life-For Better or Worse

Depth 8.5/10: Geoffrey isn’t your typical Wurmple. He doesn’t wish to be a cutesy pet that goes around the world or even the forest. Nope, he just wants to spend the rest of his life in his cozy tree and damn anyone that tell him he should want something different. For a franchise that usually portray Pokemon as either eager to travel or eager to battle or something like that Geoffrey actually manages to stand out. He’s smart and has a sense of logic and he’s basically just afraid of what lies beyond him, he lives his life hoping to be comfortable and safe and hey, you can’t blame a guy for doing that.

Entertainment Value 9/10: Whether it’s just hearing him think or trying to perform some kind of scheme Geoffrey always manages to get attention. His monologues are funny and witty and he is really good at deconstructing the situation around him, pointing out flaws with the clichés that we’ve all come to know out of journey fics. His general personality also gets a lot of laugh in and of itself without trying too hard.

Originality 8/10: Characters like Geoffrey aren’t exactly unseen, they usually aren’t seen in Pokemon though. His way of thinking and reacting is also one that matches perfectly well with his straight man persona and he’s got many different aspects that make him both a good and bad Pokemon. On one end all he wants is to live comfortably in his tree and he’s willing to do anything to get that life, even almost kill himself.

Plot 9/10: There have only been three chapters so far but it’s obvious that the plot revolves around Geoffrey. Every chapter has been focused on how he lives and how he reacts to the people, Pokemon and the environment around him and in general the fic is supposed to follow him.

Overall 86/100: Geoffrey is a different kind of Pokemon character, his personality is one that stands out from other and his antics and train of thought are both entertaining and hilarious. Plus it’s hard not to root for the poor lazy guy for wanting to sleep on his tree.