EVERYONE: A Poem about Ethan's battle with Red on Mt. Silver

[BorgyDudeMan]

Well, I was doing some literature homework when this idea for a poem popped into my mind... Since this is my first poem (and my first created thread) just don't be offended or be rude... well let's start.

So this is a poem about Ethan's battle with Red on Mt. Silver, and its in the POV of Ethan. Hope you enjoy......


My name is Ethan
A boy with a heart of Gold
I come from a small town
That isn't known a lot

But that all changed
When I went on an adventure
I wanted to see the world for myself
With Cyndaquill my partner

As I went on, I made new friends and rivals
I collected badges
I stopped a crime syndicate
And I conquered the league

When I beat the league
I earned a title I never wanted
I became the "Champion of Johto"
How did that happen?

Unable to say a word
I decided to go on
I decided to go to Kanto
Which was next to my region

I earned all their badges
Impressing Professor Oak
He told me there was one more challenge
I have to face

I went up Mt. Silver
I reached the freezing summit
And there was what looked like a trainer
Silent and cold

He never spoke a word
He never shivered in the cold
He reached for a Pokéball
And sent out his Pikachu

I didn't know what to do
So I did the same
I sent out my Tyrannitar
And we clashed very hard

The battle was so hard
It seemed like he can't be beaten
We had one Pokémon left each
So we sent them out

I sent out my Typhlosion
While he sent out a Charizard
They clashed so hard
To the point where they almost fainted

As we went on
His Charizard fainted
Disappointed, he reached for an escape rope
And so he left

I didn't know how to react
But I felt I have reached my goal
I felt I have become
The new Pokémon Master

My name is Ethan
A boy with a heart of Gold
I felt like I have become
The very best like no one ever was
[/B]

 

[diamondpearl876]

This is a cute little poem rehashing the G/S/C plot. I thought it interesting that you threw in there how Gold didn't want the title of champion, so he went to Kanto for that reason. My main suggestion would be to work on expanding the vocab a bit, as the word "hard" is a bit overused and, by using different descriptor words, you can better paint a picture of what's happening. Hope to see you around more!

 

[UselessBytes]

Okay, I’m not a poet myself, but here’s your post awards review nonetheless. Let’s go.

Overall, your whole poem flows pretty well overall. There we a couple of choppy points that could definitely use some work and made it clear you haven’t done a ton of poetry before. Your word choice is rather lacking at times, so that could definitely use some work as you tend to get repetitive.

The poem is structured into four line stanzas, which works fine, but sometimes certain lines felt as if they were in the wrong stanza.

As for originality, the story is literally ripped from the games, but that’s not a bad thing, per say. It certainly works. It’s nice to see Ethan have a unique opinion on his journey.

As for technical errors, I don’t know much about the punctuation rules of poetry, but I didn’t catch any spelling mistakes so you’re probably good in that department.

Overall, it was a fun read. Keep up the good work.

 

[diamondpearl876]

Hey! I know I commented before, but I judged this for the awards and thought I'd leave some more detailed, post-awards feedback.

The flow of this poem works well enough. The word choice is simple, and there's not much description like I'd expect from poetry. Occasionally, I got the impression that you didn't quite know what word to use, or you used passive voice, which took me out of the poem a bit. The overall style is akin to prose, and it works + is, overall, written pretty well.

The structure consists of several stanzas with four lines in each. It's easy on the eyes and consistent, but there doesn't seem to be any sort of rhyme or pattern that you followed (at least, not that I can see). That's not a complaint, per se, just an observation that I could be wrong about.

The plot's taken straight from the games, but some originality comes in from writing about the POV Ethan, G/S/C's male protagonist, and mixing in interesting details like about why the male protagonist in the games went to two regions instead of the normal one we're used to in the games.

Grammar was the main weakness in the technical department, as some parts felt like run ons and several commas were missing.

Still hope to see more from you soon!