Homard
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(Those who wish to begin the poem immediately may pass over this note.)
My friends,
I here present, for your review, a little poem to commemorate the second anniversary of the completion of the original run of "Twitch Plays Pokémon." By my clock, its publication here falls within the hours of March the First, although, regrettably probably not by Bulbagarden's clock. I do not think that it is universally the custom here for an author to indulge in this sort of an introduction, but as the form that I have used is not entirely well-known to the community, I thought it right to explain a few points before the poem begin below.
The story is based upon the true events of the end of the run aforementioned, but the structure overall and many of the details are taken from Homer's Iliad; the iambic pentameter and heroic couplets in which the story is told I owe to Alexander Pope, from whose "Rape of the Lock" I have even taken some verses almost wholesale. (Sometimes, however, I feel that it will be more compared with William McGonagall's "Tay Bridge Disaster"!) The correspondence with Homer's story is not absolute, of course; neither, naturally, are the correspondences between the characters of this miniature epic and the old tale. Still, every character in this poem finds a counterpart in its predecessor; those who are familiar with the Iliad will find out most of these associations with some ease, I should hope, but, if they do not, the fault, naturally, rests upon the author.
On reviewing the work, I find a great deal that does not please me or pleases me only incompletely: in abridging it somewhat for this publication, I feel that I may have severely weakened several of the characters; even that being considered, I still find the poem too long! Furthermore, wherein I have entered some rhetorical flourish, I find that I have obscured the narrative; but wherein the narrative is clear, I find the verses lacking much form or style. These, presumably, are natural hazards that one encounters in writing narrative poetry. Wishing you only happy reading, I submit myself gladly to your questions and criticisms; I would be grateful for any of these, and, as for compliments, I should be richly pleased with, "a decent first attempt."
Yours very truly,
Homard
Canto 1
Now play again that catchy tune, O Muse!
The wrath of Zapdos is the theme I choose
To sing!--That bilious rage that Pokémon
Down-hurrying sent to awful Flareon!
Tell me, what cause could make good Zapdos rage?
What make him cause his foes to quit the stage
And send them past the Keeper and to all
The other friends who down to the fiery hall
Had gone? Why did the one called Thunder fight
With my lord Helix? Why that strangest plight?
To Indigo, from high Mt. Silver rode
The parti-colored sprites from their abode:
Long they've been up; Sleep makes another try,
But Night doth call and Sleep's denied the lie.
For o'er the land o'er which their eyes now scan
Hide stars their fires and comet-tails their span:
And though without the Moon shoots forth her ray,
Yet sun sheds light on Kanto's endless day.
A sylph perceptive with his comrades halts
To see the blossoms in the light breeze waltz
(In spring, enjoying February's faults.)
An Old Man and a lad strike up a glitch
While Magikarp change hands to make men rich.
A would-be champion kneels before his foe
Within the gates of eight-walled Indigo;
On host of five, a glorious sixth now lights
Without the marble palace's azure heights
For nine times beaten was Lord Helix's host
And ten times now by dragon and by ghost.
The doubting spirits, hovering in the breeze
Or viewless in the open or the trees
With piqued ears or insouciant cannot hear
The council chatter, but with hearts of fear
Now wonder whether they'll force Helix thro'
And all his treasured host bring glory; lo!
In majesty, with feathers tipped with gold
The pointed shape of A. J. overtold
In stories rises, he, the first of birds,
And now with anger and with winged words
--For he had called his comrades by his grace
And all the host of Red were in that place--
With twilight twinkling, and on such a day
Does Zapdos speak or Zapdos seem to say:
"Lord Helix, now more times have we begun
Our conquest of this place and thence been spun
Than we have comrades or this place has walls.
This is our tactic; Indigo never falls!
Then send me, Helix; Zapdos at the head
Let be and we in halls of champions tread!"
Among the gathered vorpal Zapdos lands
And now to speak indignant Helix stands:
"O valiant Zapdos, me you sha'n't outwit!
Am I, while you're at fight, idly to sit?
Are all thy comrades safely just to let
Thy glorious body all the glory get?
Together came we seven to this plateau
These haughty four or five our might to show.
I was elected every fight to start
By those who judge, who love me best at heart!
And, for their will, I'm stronger than thou art!"
Though Zapdos lifted up his voice & brain,
That Pokémon whom Red did longer train,
Immortal Pidgeot, now rose up to speak--
Of glittering comb and jewel-encrusted beak
Was Abba, gazing raptorwise, his down
Of dun and cream and crafty was his crown--
If sixteen hundred years or sixteen days
His age made up, then age now sings its lays:
"High stomach'd are you both and full of ire!
In rage deaf as the sea, hasty as fire!
Zapdos, that thou art young I will omit!
Lord Helix, that you're young I'll scarce admit!
Great opposites! To age's council bow!
Some greater opposites I see e'en now.
I've had of greatest mates the privilege.
O! what I would not do, o'er-jump what ledge
To have again dear Abby, my team-mate.
Two brothers sworn were we, when Zapdos great
Sat lonesome and did Helix incubate.
I'll ne'er forget our dauntless, bold alliance
Nor rid myself of Abby's just defiance
Of Surge the great American; nor sweeten
Our bitter fight with Misty Neverbeaten.
Abby's high spirit th' American admitted.
And I have many times Abby outwitted!
If seeking wisdom, as all wise beasts seek,
Or if but pitying this gentle beak
That hath so many friends and brothers lost,
Let not your counsels be thus tempest-tossed.
Lord Helix shall our Hannibal remain
And guarded sit in back of three or twain.
Zapdos go first and no dissension breed.
Concordant discord is the life we need."
With honeyed words did he address the host
Seeming as he did of time the ghost;
Though Helix pondered counsel in his heart,
Zapdos would not be won to Pidgeot's art.
And here did Zapdos wish to cuff his lord
But did forbear; an idea stopp'd his sword:
"All right, Lord Helix, from this rule I fly!
I'll fight alone if my might you deny!
All right; if Helix shall no succor lend
Then to the arms of Mother Dome I'll mend!"
So Red and of his team just five did stay
Whilst angry Zapdos to the Dome did stray.
And Zapdos, full of spleen, all-hearing Dome
Now conjures, begging her forsake her home,
And pounce (although, in fact no legs she hath)
To Indigo to help him coax his wrath.
She who, of claws that catch, commands the ledge,
And oped Bill's gates, and teases every sedge
The host of doughtiest heroes to confound,
And words or winged or witless doth propound
Mischief to make hears Zapdos's plea resound.
Swift with her wingless claws and shell of lead
She flits from off her melancholy bed
In that nocturnal cave, where sunlight's glare
Finds shelter impregnable and stealthy air
As hopeless finds its cause as on the Moon.
And Dome, as full of orders as lampoon,
Her ruby eyes astonishing all seers
Her voice as full of chortles as of tears:
"Zapdos! Forbear to speak another word!
Here! Nestle close to me, my dickie-bird!
Some honor to thee Helix will refuse?
To honor thee, then, soon the gods will choose!
It seems so long ago: I heard the sprites
And picture it! An idea on one lights!
Let's cast our losts with Lady Dome! We can't
In other wise get to the Power Plant!
But though it came to naught, I'll not forsake
Thee, would-be son! Nor to thee promise break.
Though much despised of them, to sylphs I'll go
And then, upon th' Elites shalt thou bring woe!"
Thus promising with vagueness in her voice
Westward she flies, there to effect her choice.
It seems again the four the six do beat;
Eternal as the Sun seems their defeat.
(The beamish Red whose championship all seek
Like mother to her brood at-odds can't speak:
The warring parties' suit he cannot hear;
Therefore, to tow them both he must not fear.)
Though violet Fonz with brouhaha is pleased,
The sapphire shell with fainting's hardly eased.
And wise, undying Abba counsels thus:
"Of this our enterprise art thou the truss.
Thou dost, beloved shell, require sleep,
Great Nature's second course; go, count Mareep!"
And counselled Helix, counsellor of the gods
Sleepfully nestles him against the clods.
And orderless, from peaks of Silver Mount,
O'erlooking eight-walled Indigo, sans count
The Jupiters and Junos of the tale
Come hurrying down (in sightlessness's vail)
--Here's Pewter-gray and all his stony troupe
Who 'mongst their friends demand in endless loop
That hie we must back to Cerulean fleet!
(Because 'twas never that we Misty beat.)
And, looking down upon his hands--on one,
A little ring depicting Helix shone
And on the left another had a dome--
Now enters breezy Celadon the poem
Here's gold Vermilion with his hoarded loot
And Fuchsia and Viridian to boot.
They clustered them about the Helix's head
And in a language not unknown they said:
"O stone with silent slumber sweetly swooned!
O Helix Fossil, round thee have we crooned
Our harmonies of reverence and love
Deigning our hands and knees from high above;
In dreams and silent whispers to all these
We speak and all direct through gentlest breeze.
Who knows not Pokémon and we don't speak?
Yet they do our commands both take & break!
Hear and believe! Thy own importance know
Nor bound thy narrow thoughts to things below!
O! who is this of countenance mild and plain?
Our whimling, little Red! Fret not and train!
As now your own, our beings were of old
And once enclosed in trainer's warlike mould.
How many Blues and Reds traverse the Earth?
Each hath his host and vanities and worth--
It may be that a few may champions be
But all may, stopping their adventures, see
Such sights as these and from this vantage nod:
Yes, every trainer gets to be a god.
Some day, sweet Red, like many Reds before,
Thy rank and paths triumphal thou'lt deplore
And essence-like, ethereal wilt ascend
The Mount that hard by this plateau doth tend.
But for the moment, little chap! our care
Is on thine host and thee the title fair
Of champion to bestow; from thee 'twas torn!
But Helix of our eye's the apricorn!
This world we did not make, though know it well;
Nor blame us for the fiery pit of Bill
Nor for that Sunday (though that one's our fault.)
No, mighty Fates suspect but by default!
For they create the unescaped and wot
What of all things becomes, and we know not.
But we protect thee, from what high point we may:
From hill or edifice--say yea or nay!
It matters not. We've contrived something new.
We've dallied with the Dome, but still on you,
O sacred stone! We keep our sacred eyes
Counting the seconds till you take the prize.
And worry not if we, as oft, should shout
'Hail Helix! Death to Dome!' or 'Helix out!'
A silly thing a trainer is; so we
Are silly things, out watchword 'Anarchy.'
Know this! Though some may Dome or Helix call
Thy triumphs, we, thy champions, conquer all!"
When wakefulness returned and sleep had fled
The Helix host to fight and confidence led.
More oft than not, the knowing warriors think
Not of the sylphs, but try to swim or sink.
Still, Chartreuse and the Carmine had their say
And still an Amber sylph or two made hay!
These prophecies revealed, sleep slept, the first
Attempt at the Elites is made; and burst
Most vorpal Zapdos to the purple fray:
But though he fells poor Dewgong, sprites do stay
His wrath for now and 'gainst his will inurn
Him in his ball; 'tis royal Nido's turn--
A violet Fonzie for an Indigo fight!
But spiky A.J. watches, brows at height--
"Let Fonz and Helix spar; I know that I
At side of higher powers fast stand by.
Now, capsules, break, and trap us, let us loose--
You can but so long; Fate you can't refuse!"
On with the fight; our Nido does not care!
No blood sheds Fonz, and yet his purple rare
Divorces will to fight from ice's host:
And so the host of Red melts purple's frost.
And now th'Elites cheer hulking Bruno on
The hope of Indigo with Lorelei gone.
The host of Bruno charges Red's. Prevails
The aged knight of Route the First; avails
Nothing of all that huge Machamp can bring
Against gray Pidgeot. And, of course, now sing
How to the crone our glowing Abba went!
Brave, knowing Agatha's insults are spent:
Now see Gengar the Less by Abba felled
By that attack in Pidgeot's roster spelled
By technical machine forty-and-three.
But still, he falls, his health of low degree:
But think not less of Abba elder-bird:
For, as he left, most gently he referred
Some sand into the greater Gengar's face!
And when the news by Lorelei's disgrace
And of the others Lance's ears did grace,
Then Lance--who thinks that Barriers's an attack!--
Did call a counsel; allies were not slack.
And though that Lance whose-hair's-on-fire outranked
Old Agatha, still would that crone have spanked
Lance if he did not let her speak up first:
All's one, for first th' Elites will hear the worst.
"Lorelei's blood is cold; Bruno's is raw--
And now I see our Lance is but a straw!
And tho' thy blood is red, impertinent Blue,
Thy liver's white--" And thus her insults flew.
Vaguely she wrestles for greater show, but knows
That A. J. soon to darkness Indigo throws.
(This premonition has she warned before
Which always met with universal roar.)
Perhaps next ought be Lance; Blue intervenes,
With similar ease ignores and backward leans:
When silent, feet upon the table he had
And otherwise spoke the shameful and the bad:
"Hold off that Red or don't; what do I care?"
(His stance that all alone his chance be fair.)
And, "Lance, go cut that hair; your spikes are wild!"
(And personal remarks on all them piled.)
"Against my team, you fools showed lousy form."
And, "Lorelei, go make your chamber warm!
Red's team, at least, can break a sweat next time!"--
And other stuff, e'en less deserving rhyme.
And Lance the dragon-man, fists white with rage
(Though agitated face he did assuage),
With indignation and self-temperance
Set axe to sapling (but in self-defense):
"The rite of conquest is a sacred thing!
How dare you, little Oak, such insults bring?!
Dear boy! Know this! To me, thou art, alas!
As useless as the Silph Scope ever was!"
And thereupon even the dour gray dame
Applauded Lance with-hair-of-salmon-flame.
Blue barely entertains Lance's complaining
(Himself instead on Game Boy entertaining.)
Their characters glimpsed, let's turn a sideways glance
And ask, "what had the beasts to say, perchance?"
Some say they fear the Helix mightily
And others, less admiring, think to flee.
And so did many of the hosts élite
Cry out in certain terms for quick defeat.
But Blastoise doughty-brave put up his hand--
That Blastoise whom the best host helped command:
"Shame Lapras! Shame Machamp! My teammates, shame!
Rhydon, Exeggutor, Alakazam!
Hear me, ye hosts! Your foolish fears now stow.
Yield none, my friends, and to the battle go!
For trainer and for honor! Fife and frums!
The victory to him that wills it comes!"
(Then Slowbro 'gan to speak, but woe! alack!
Five seconds late; his friends had all gone back.)
And mustered thus, the hosts élite redoubled
All efforts; and the soul of Fonz was troubled.
(Did those who named this hot-head overstep
The bourns of reason when they Fonz did clep?)
As A. J. did before, now thunders he
His plan for swift and sudden victory.
And not entirely over-swiftly rose
Great Pidgeot, who'll in soaring words propose:
"O frumious one, by youth is brusqueness pardoned:
But not with policy is it reguerdoned."
(And all were sore confused. But on he went
"Although my youth in combat fierce was spent
In combat do I never less, but soar
And ever-higher soar! in counsel in war.
I say to you, O Helix! I advised
That you should not have Zapdos so despised!
That thou ignored'st me then, I do forgive.
But listen now, my general, or live
Without the favor of Aussies or of Yanks,
Or other sprites; now, Purple Fonz! as thanks
For thy most richly-colored jeu-d'esprit
Of seconds past, high Helix hires thee
To go to Zapdos now and win his heart.
Thy brother in purpledom with thee will start--
Swift Venomoth. O! What's this hue I see?
Is purple turned to red? How can that be?
Then blue is sent along. Sweet Air, now go.
These counsellors three shall make that rage bow low."
Thus Abba spoke; and Helix was not one
Fair counsel to reject; and thus it spun
That Zapdos-ward themselves now would they bring:
Clear-thinking Venomoth, Fonz Nidoking,
And gentlest Air. A distance short they go
The statues round that Pokémon forth show
Of heroes long ago betid; on one,
Not but a yard or two from whence they run,
No better perched than any passerine,
Sits golden A. J. (great at least as nine.)
His countenance can scarcely well reflect
His bosom's ardent wrath nor let defect
Remorse's trace nor hostly dues eject.
But yet doth Thunder like the mellow mist
Give gentle three his deign; to him they list:
"Welcome," (he'd make this "welcome" longer be
Were he not ta'en aback Lapras to see.)
Deferring not to sylph's nor comrade's choice
Impudent Nidoking takes up his voice;
Now Zapdos he, for scorning Helix, scolds
And all the while a massy fist he holds:
A fight he threats, a jeer here, and a mock:
"A Poison Sting may trump a Thundershock."
Seldom nice to mammals or to birds
Thus said he (with more Anglo-Saxon words.)
And Zapdos banished silence, telling Fonz
That he has felled all foes, e'en grounded ones.
"They've reeled before me; Bruno's Onix fell!
I see by your disdain you know it well.
Though mine is air, your element the ground,
Your statements groundless nonetheless I've found."
But passing over tensions's violent groans
Said subtle Venomoth in subtle tones:
"Alas! good teammate: you are not so wise
As those of us who breathe the airs that rise:
We are not of a type, but is't to fly
Or float that makes us kin, O Thunder? Why
Attempt such fractures? We two well do know
These two to be the same. (And soon, but show
Proves the divide, for some day--one of these!--
Will that company for scientific ease--
To Game Freak I refer--yes, those who sit
In Celadon, by their own brilliance lit,
Unbounded by the sylphs, like liberal Fate
Invent abilities like 'Levitate!')
Is that concurrence in thine eye I see
With my plain-speaking? Further, then, hear me.
For honor and for conquest do not fret;
His shameful words Lord Helix doth regret.
He conjures thee to come and go before
If you your service to us but restore.
Acknowledge Helix master of the host,
You bring us glory, to yourself the most."
And thus by moth the winged plan is let
Which to its brilliant lord doth backward set.
They silent sit or levitate and pout:
For Zapdos answers oily words with drought.
The envoys disappointed disembark
But not before from gentle Air some spark
The eyes of Zapdos meets; the other two
No notice take; but Fonz the strong and true
Frets not while Venomoth to self in long
Ponders, "Just where--Oh, where!--did I go wrong?"
Someone now holds aloft the Pokédex
And issues forth that sound that holds in hex;
Bulbasaur's cry, that reveille, is this
That summons one to sorrow or to bliss.
Another episode of woe or win?
Not quite at the beginning we begin:
It now befell that mighty Abba fell
And plucky Helix got his tale to tell.
Firing water in a Hydro Pump
The red-head's Lapras Helix thought to thump;
In kind did Helix answer, tempting Fate
With a geyser great against a geyser great.
And from those whitest shafts, of ivory
The sharpest, most refined, do splinters flee,
The least a death to nature. Warriors rest.
But soon the quickest gathers in his breast
Another salvo; then, the other aims!
And then the drenching dragons drink their flames.
The wounding, woundless water goes too far
And hits a pillar poor caught in the war.
A Lapras stunned sees air and pillar shake!
You'd think another shot and it would break!
--You're hardly wrong. Now, Helix redirects
His ineffective shot; Lapras detects
As one attuned by lot to predators
(As Helix, dormant long, to prey, of course,
Is new.) But Lapras falls, exhausted, slow.
And Helix bows, and to him his host bow.
And seeing the exchange of blazing beams
But all unhearing, as Red, the Red-head said:
"You're tougher than I thought! Go on ahead!"
Two sylphs of Violet and of Amethyst
Before their fellows came when that the mist
Of those too-dousing fires had sped away
And on their ears these winning words did lay:
"The time is green for skyey Helix's win!
'Gainst Onix next, his shell betrays his skin!"
Behold! but Nido's learned a thing or three
From his dear lord; for muscled though is he,
The loyal champion of royal hue
Leaves not his brutish brawn to's derring-do
But rather, as from out of sapped stone
A winged wave withdraws and sends alone
To towering Onix's place--what archery!
That try though Onix may he scarce may flee.
(Were Zapdos here now, Onix saturate,
Could not his thunders him obliterate?
If Fonz and A. J. now did share the field,
Might moistened earth to lightning's wiles yield?)
Ecstatic Zapdos, blasted from the fight
His wrath incensed and mightier his might,
Indifferent from a different lofty perch
Sees Nidoking leave Onix in the lurch.
Here and there comes harm to Nido's hide:
Though he smarts, still anger is his guide.
He bristles inwardly, but keeps composed:
"Who threw that piece of paper at me?" proposed.
And back into the thick of fight he runs,
A fighter strong, but weak in quips and puns.
Hot Sol blazes, Bulba's cry resounds,
And silent, star-like Thunder scans the grounds.
Here someone wakes, here faints, here marches Red;
And Air alone may ne'er the campus tread.
If mortal ears in warlike cries may hear
The rhetoric of war & soldier's fear
And if, in spear-like plume and steely shell,
The eyes of wights the red of rage may tell,
Then see must we in Lapras's teary way
A teary tale, though scarce may hear him say:
"Ay, me! that am not shaped for counsel or fight!
Had I but only been more trained I might
Into the wily works of war then leap.
If only I could bid the warriors sleep
Of either side; familiarity
They say engenders hate; the heart fondly
Under the tutelage of absence grows.
But I, from whom this artless strain now flows,
Have seldom battle known, remote but been,
And still do I deplore the battle-din:
The javelin sticks of stream-eroded shell,
The pointed pinions speaking smoothly and well.
An aria, a choir for war is meet;
And words considerate then for litheness beat
The smooth-voiced carbine & the pithy spear--
But my unlearned song shall no one hear
Except these plodding pods bear it aloft
Above the prey-birds and its treble soft
Beneath the waves--for 'tis a weapon of war!--
With sooner stealth than this blue bulk may store.
All have I watched, but to war nothing bring.
Never even was I taught to sing!
And yet the air I'll hymn; O sylphs take note!
For forfeit or for victory cast your vote!"
From Prince Air's lips a prince's airs are freed;
A humble shepherd plies his humble reed.
And wakeful Zapdos scarcely can resist
This strain, nor would he that the air desist;
He speaks (though drifting, he maintains his grip):
"I half-think that the rites of rage do slip!
This peace and calm gentility I fear.
(Do I the Isles' ocarina hear?)
No cry of Bulbasaur! No call to arms!
Misty t'obliterate no clarion charms!
O! Do I wake or sleep? I'm on the sea!
What smell of smoke or salt-foam may this be?
Is that the Power Plant or Indigo?
Beneath my wings, the wind! Where does it blow?"
Thus in a trance does Zapdos meditate
Unknowingly relinquishing his hate.
War-whoop and shout of fainters amid the cry
And gentle Lapras sings a lullaby!
'Gainst Hitmon Nido makes his Surf to stick--
With glee doth Fonzie take the Hitmon's kick!
A poison barb he sends--but sends it close
Fully to face th'enraged's rage's dose.
"With Helix thus to fight is Zapdos mad!
To quibble, not to fight, is chiefly bad!"
Thus scarred Nido said, contemning all
Whom Helix do contemn, refuse the brawl.
Again the host of Helix falls; th' élites
Are scarcely well content with Red's defeats.
Contented, though, half seems the host; sometimes
To cheer them Pidgeot entertains in rhymes:
Assures them, recollecting some old scuffle
That mightiest foes his feathers never ruffle.
And forth they go; down evil shall they face,
Braving again cold Lorelei's embrace.
Is't six attempts since Zapdos them forsook?
A seventh time, then, A. J.'ll overlook!
But first, from palm and capsule Zapdos beamed.
Some dizzy dream must all of this have seemed!
See Lapras, warm in fiercest frost, defend
His home and mistress from the lightning's bend.
A wicked sprite, portending woe if it hit
Steps in and bends a bolt off course a bit
"So may immortal we sometimes elect
Most mortal lightning-strokes to misdirect!"
The Ochre sylph galumphing doth intone
(To th'hosts his coming & his boasts unknown.)
The eyeless walls, the ceiling-dome admit
The flaws of nature; so it seems as hit
Th' oak-cleaving thunderbolts th' intrenchant clouds
That round about the room do wrap; but shrouds
Of snowy pillows, deathly white sink low
As Lapras glows a steady indigo.
As long ago the bolts of archers might
At passes Greek and Persian trump mere night
In skill at blacking out the sun, the hoar
Now washes white what black clouds were before.
A million frigid shards at A.J. strike
Till overborne he sinks; storm clouds most like
Now dissipate the stinging frost: the heat
Of lightning oft for snow is far too great.
Though chill was Zapdos's heart, yet swift his brain
E'en faced with his destruction, Lapras's gain.
As Lapras glows anew, the lightning-bird
Most haughty headlong rushes ere the word
Of "blizzard!" can escape the Red-head's lips.
Sing of the take down, as the air it rips
And sends destruction down on whom it wills!
Force as A.J.'s was brings countless ills
And trucks at docks (where Mew hides) sure must push!
But Lapras it but wounds; the winds back gush
And Zapdos faints. It's Nidoking's fight next,
As darkness clouds the eyes of Zapdos vexed.
Though will to fight to flight has ta'en, the eyes
Of vorpal Zapdos open as the cries
Of Nidoking and Onix sound about.
Now Zapdos from a perch observes the bout:
And here and there, is that a sylph he sees?
A Goldenrod or Hunter-green that frees
Some unintended ball from the boy's hand.
And through the fight with Bruno he'd not land--
Great Zapdos--nor when Agatha they fought.
But like a ghost, with care no longer frought
Does Zapdos watch. And high above the stones
That may be decorations, or the bones
Of Pokémon may hide, in the gray dame's room,
Absent Thunder's design, at last comes doom
For the wrath of Zapdos; Lapras sees he fall:
O'er rage's fires now is cast a pall.
Four fainted and great Helix stood alone.
A wave of might and water was that one
That Nido proffered; Helix's exceeds!
And mesmerized perhaps by Helix's deeds,
Yet knowing well that he alone will fail,
Great Zapdos beats a stealthy outward trail.
Now Thunder's bird finds him a patch of loam
A softly sowing th' air, he summons Dome:
He need not speak, and so, I say, omits
That he hath seen the host take critical hits
And most importantly seen Lapras fall,
Most dearly cherished Pokémon of all.
"My dear," the Dome begins, "what from me's hidden?
I just as well had hither come unbidden;
But slow thou wert, my child, of brain too dense
(If I may say so) from the fight immense
To flee away; I knew & thou knew'st, too
The team could never triumph without you.
Comfort thyself! I see thou art afraid.
Thou wishest that on other coasts thou'd'st stayed.
I tell thee, if to Helix now thou'lt go,
A new technique shall Dome make thee to know.
Next time, go forth! and all the Pokémon
Thou mak'st to faint shall go to Flareon.
The gods and I declare that at an end
This narrative now is! Thy lightnings send!"
Now Zapdos, sparing words for his return
Leaves Lady Dome, who, to herself in turn:
"I see thy grin and glad it makes me, son.
Now go thy ways; the fight is all but done.
To Helix, go! And now I too must run.
The gods who govern every small affair
Have begged of me a moment at their lair:
Those fickle things my counsels now must nurse
What now shall well become the Universe.
'What shall we,' me they ask, 'now rightly do
'When Helix topples all and Red fells Blue?'
And them I go to answer--I'll have say
When rosy Dawn begins another day!"
She spoke alone; and from thence old Red-eyes
Pregnant with wit to high Mt. Silver flies.
Now routed once again from marble halls,
The host without the palace sits and stalls
My lord doth sit apart, some sign awaiting,
With Pidgeot thronged and op'nly meditating.
Now Pidgeot, peer of Abby, full of charms
Sought selflessly relief from all these harms:
From out the pack, he lifted high that key
That he and Red some long ago did free.
Its secret he reveals facing their faces;
He flights of mirth with tense air interlaces.
Some cheer it proffered, and that swiftly taken
But all amiss! The wrath is not forsaken.
It joys them all to see their lord returned
And none of them from hopes of battle turned.
But Helix has decided that th' advice
Of Pidgeot still holds true; and so, he tries
A second council now to bring together
Zapdos to woo with horn or pod or feather.
The sylphs (or some of them) and Pidgeot nod
When down from up descends that almost-god.
With fear they bore 't when Zapdos down had flown;
If clouds had hid the Sun, his star had shone.
His awful beauty awe-filled stares did take
And in this wise most vorpal Zapdos spake:
"O Helix! Well for Indigo it's been
That lo these hours we've dear held this sin
Perhaps th' élites take council just to laugh
Or half in jest dictate our epitaph.
Assuredly, they fear us not; Dragonite
That "drawer of walls" most righteously is hight
(Thanks to our Venomoth) nor all his host
May fear a line that triumphs thrice at most.
And what of Blastoise? Gengar great or less?
The wrongs I've done to you I now confess.
Your victories individual I'll not mar,
Nor mean you harm, O master Omastar!
I saw when that your wave the field did blanch.
Dux had his leek, so I my olive-branch."
His eye turns; Helix now suspects no ruse
(And god-bird Pidgeot recommends the truce.)
Now laughing, my lord Helix repartées
With Zapdos, counting all their works and days.
Then, wiser and far better to explain
Than either of the lately uffish twain,
Good Abba, with their solemnized consent
Said with a reconciliatory bent:
"Our sanguine Fonz needs azure Air once more!
Rest easy, friend! Just vict'ry is in store!
For simple valor ere this found the grave;
Divided more but still undimmed shall have
Sweet victory; for battle thy wrath save.
Our clever lepidopteran is seeking
A different flame; for thus will moths be peeking
However clever they may be; sure he
Will not be so frustrated; A.T.V.
Undoubtedly will soon find out a way.
That done, to us will he return; we'll say
To him all of these joyfullest transactions,
This birth of teamwork and the death of factions."
They celebrate; these victories shall last;
For Zapdos, though, the brooding-time's not passed.
He tells his team-mates nothing of what said
That slithy Dome nor what it in him bred.
The host's assembled; they sha'n't tarry long.
Old Pidgeot says, "Now, gentles, round me throng."
And out the pack the Silph Scope he produces
(Which ghosts unmasks and nearby things reduces.)
"I long have wondered," speaks he, "what this glass
Can see of things to be, of things that pass.
I've had a premonition it'll tell
Of all that e'er shall be, for ill or well!"
In it he looks, his lookers fascinated,
Hearing instead the useless specs berated!
(What landed Pidgeot said bears no recounting
With silent hopes at height and stead'ly mounting.)
Again at left & right the capsules burst.
On north and south, both swift, but t'other first;
And purple light belies the red of war
And silver smoke slides o'er the stadium floor.
Those rainbow-enthroned Fates put down a curse
On slippery Dewgong: never for the worse
Of t'other host would he foremost emerge.
Though he has fallen yet, yet did he surge
Undaunted as before first in this fight:
His ready grin behold, his cheerful light!
But all this wonder's days did Zapdos end,
A golden blade to silver spear did bend.
Thus liquid power solid water crushed,
The ice's sting with thunder's burning flushed.
A greater force is Red's than Lorelei's!
A drop of Thunder dropping from the skies
Is more, when aimed well, than shell can take!
And could the flames of Flareon worse shake
Than the wrath of Zapdos? All foul nature arise!
The orbs of ice and fire are the eyes
Of Zapdos as he lands the fainting stroke.
One-two! One-two! Again the bright bolt broke!
A sound terrific from the thunder clash!
Ice, water, and the earth now turn to ash!
And red-eyed, outgrabe Zapdos lorded o'er
The form of Lapras, and with spite did roar
As he into the lake did Lapras toss
Churning the waters of the lady-boss
(Where all do know the Goldeen swiftly swim)
And voicelessly thus Zapdos taunted him:
"No god nor man do help thee, though you're hapless!
Let Goldeen bite the snow white fat of Lapras!"
(Upon the door behind two doughty sprites
Lay back with forms untouched by stadium-lights,
Relaxed completely yet on guard to say,
Should Red try fate, "Nay, do not run away!")
The red-head's hopes to roisterous foam were tossed
And then withal were Bruno's won and lost.
And in the brawl with brawny Bruno fell
Their lord and master, steely Helix's shell!
And Nidoking then leapt upon the rocks
As long-tormented Laelaps would the fox.
(And Hoenn-born Machamp, tears at his eyes,
Submitting self, himself did sacrifice.)
Not now allowing Red him to recall,
Zapdos invades without a Poké Ball:
With thunders, but more often with his drill
Doth Zapdos all the specters send to Bill.
(Some special rage had Zapdos kept in store
For those that gentle Lapras would deplore.)
In falling, greater Gengar prophesied
That glory to the host would be denied.
But Agatha just admits that she was wrong:
"Word I'll speak not; now, child, run along!"
Though no amount of lightning could disperse
The empty words of Gengar's heavy curse,
Sweet Red and all his host, as in a trance,
Leave Agatha to watch the dragon's dance.
O Lapras dear! Why did the sylphs choose thee?
Why not allow thee cheer & sing, be free,
In fight's turmoil otherwise, not needed.
The Hyper Beam comes, innocence unheeded:
The shaft of power fires with a bang.
How shall we sing the praise of him that sang,
Though fighter none, of finest words the triller?
Now, see! The drawer of walls erects a pillar!
Zapdos screamed: his note the high air burned
(Worse far than starling prima donna turned!)
The dragon, though, in a flash was off; the light
Took Lance as well; the beams tore them from sight.
Now Aqua, Phthalo, Lazuli descend
And to Blue's amphitheater do they wend;
They've come most slyly reassuring Blue,
Whispering false hope to all his retinue.
But tell me, Muse, what god or beast made Lance
To fly away amidst the dragon's dance?
'Twas Zapdos's benefactress, mother Dome
Who to th'indignant Lance had speed'ly come:
"Fear not", said she, "O champion vanquish'd now!
In three years time or less, th' Elites will bow
To thee! The end comes not as credits roll
Despite the wrath of Zapdos sans control!
Sylphs order 't, Fates allow: for Venomoth
Was owed thy Dragonite, the sprites are wroth!
This A.J.'s wrath thou'rt spar'd, but do recall
Another A.J. cometh to thy fall!"
So Lance the Johtian, an Heracross
Who sipp'd but briefly at the honey gloss
Of Dome, her magic words, contented him
And nursed his bitterness at airy whim.
A millisecond gone did Yellow grip
The arm of Pink, whom Yellow yet did trip;
But ruled by some unruly better they
Shake hands and hear respected Crimson say:
"We sylphs take each precaution that we might
To guide our protégé for wrong or right:
Some one of you, whilst Lance is occupied
Become the dragon-master and abide
His place and speech that Red shall be deceived!"
At this pronouncement, not a sprite was peeved.
And Pink, his cause or won or lost in the lair,
Takes sight and shape for color of his hair:
No great declaimer he, to silent jeers
And muted, great guffaws of picky peers
He speaks to Red: "Ay me! O woe! That's it!
A master, Red, you are, I must admit!"
The unsuspecting Red reties his laces
And marches to the hall where Blue he faces.
Akimbo standing, cockily he grins;
'Tis clear that here the Champion begins;
Blue's standard raised, his folly he unfurled:
"I am the strongest trainer in the world!"
Our Abba's doppelganger to the fight
Did come the first--as very well he might!
And Zapdos Pidgeot made that second to scram.
And after Pidgeot came Alakazam
Who rais'd aloft his twin and stainless spades
And, for a moment, Zapdos's strokes evades.
But Zapdos grinned and threw another fork
Of lightning and delighted at the torque.
And like a fisherman who on the job
His cigarette into his tray doth lob
(For in Japan, before a kid he'll smoke--
Translated all must be: his vice might look
Like something that a kid should do--yes, right!
Why should not Fisher-man put out his light?),
Great Foodin (look it up!) released his spoons
And fell in Zapdos's view. See where he swoons!
Then Rhydon charging to the battle came;
Then Zapdos tried that snarling beast to lame
Thro' lightning, but he aim'd not for the horn!
And so from battle A.J. then was torn.
And Nidoking--by Surf--heard his command
The swagg'ring Rhydon then to reprimand.
A manly sylph of fair Carnation-pink
The wrist of Red within an eyelid's blink
Doth flick & so recall the violet scourge
And with another doth another urge.
Most windy Arcanine (who could not run)
Zapdos with lightning came again to stun.
To Zapdos, then, did Abba leave all spoil?
No, Abba to Exeggutor was foil:
But then, the gentle nester of the host,
Great Pidgeot, humble, ever without boast--
Took manxome Blastoise's Blizzard's felling wind;
Though his the vict'ry, Blastoise felt he'd sinned.
High lifting up his voice, "O! as you pass
Remember me for all I did to grass
In Celadon, and how the Rocket Boss
And all his army suffer'd fatal loss
As at their brimming stones I thrust my head
And beat my wings--Remember what I said:
And say besides that Abby was my friend--"
And thus the eldest meets his latest end.
The winged fell, but Venomoth in flew;
Sometimes, he'd Blizzard take and sometimes two.
Blastoise, then, to his shell did sound retreat
And so did hope again Red to discreet
And stay to fight another day. Proud one!
Nay, from a trainer battle we can't run!
And A.T.V. disabled Hydro Pump
And then from Blastoise's preying glance did jump
In Fonz's favor; but thou wert not spared
The wrath of Zapdos; lowering Thunder stared
And smote him; cornered Blastoise could not block
A borborygmus nor a short, sharp shock
There on the hallow'd plain of Indigo,
Within the gates of eight-walled Indigo.
That stalwart shellfish all too soon was gone!
Shocked Blastoise fell, but Zapdos was not done.
The vanquished should return first; this he knew,
But all around the stadium he flew
Encircling doughty Blastoise as he went;
Thus from the shell the capsule's beam he bent.
To Flareon sent Zapdos other foes
But now for Blastoise causes other woes:
In 's anger, Zapdos peaceable return
Will not allow, but keeps his countenance stern.
The Dome and sprites a wicked power gave
And nothing Blastoise could avail nor save
Until a certain figure there did walk:
'Twas that old, goodly man, Professor Oak!
In strolls to music slow, congratulates
His protégé (and kindred Blue berates.)
(The scene he sees in after-times ignores
Though naturally the tactic he deplores.
As ice in tea doth melt, his sternest look
The aged aged man softly forsook.)
His words would deafly founder, but his grin
At once convinces Zapdos of his sin;
Gazing, silent Thunder seems to hear
(T' extrapolate I'll not elect to fear):
"Put down thy rage, O Thunder of the skies!
I usually trainers thus advise:
This isn't the time to use it"--this he spoke
And Zapdos--he abashed!--this counsel took.
He, having paused in air, let feathers down
And shutting eyes, he let decline his crown:
And though he could not speak, he wished to say
To his human counsellor, hair of warmest gray:
"The sea-side gym I've never seen, but heard
That there are traps; I take it at the word.
Athwart the beach the old lieutenant sits
(Whiles electricity his fence emits!)
Amidst his corporals and his private hands
Many a soulless sergeant silent stands:
Choose wisely as you may! Each garbage-bin
A little switch may store, a little grin.
But cease your mirth! An endless step away
The other switch is that shall clear the day.
And if improperly you choose, for naught
Your prior wisdom is, that chance you caught."
This uttered, Zapdos kindly to the gent
Would say: "All's well, for all my anger's spent.
You to me all the worth of man impart:
Thy name's of wood, but iron is your heart.
I've heard, you've seemed to say, and I've agreed
'Discordant concord is the life we need!'"
As custom is, the fainted first returns:
In ball of red and white Blue him inurns.
Past this, what's more to say? The credits roll
And Oak his charge and 's monsters doth extoll.
But if the sylphs & patient Muse permit
Let us now sing of themes more truly fit
And lift our voices up to higher strings
(Mounting on Abby's newly-sprouted wings.)
Look up! Our praises sing him to the skies:
See Thunder now (with more than mortal eyes)
Ascend this dun plateau of victory
And sail beyond the Mount into the sea
Of stars as falls on Kanto moon-dark night;
Now Thunder manifests in cloudless sight.
Trust her that heard the music of the spheres:
The Muse commands thee put away thy fears!
When every sylph the Silver Mount has mounted
And thousand times each conquest has recounted,
When after twenty thousand years have passed
And ancient youngsters long since breathed their last,
Shall we look up and crane our necks afar
Forever seeking out Zapdos's star!
My friends,
I here present, for your review, a little poem to commemorate the second anniversary of the completion of the original run of "Twitch Plays Pokémon." By my clock, its publication here falls within the hours of March the First, although, regrettably probably not by Bulbagarden's clock. I do not think that it is universally the custom here for an author to indulge in this sort of an introduction, but as the form that I have used is not entirely well-known to the community, I thought it right to explain a few points before the poem begin below.
The story is based upon the true events of the end of the run aforementioned, but the structure overall and many of the details are taken from Homer's Iliad; the iambic pentameter and heroic couplets in which the story is told I owe to Alexander Pope, from whose "Rape of the Lock" I have even taken some verses almost wholesale. (Sometimes, however, I feel that it will be more compared with William McGonagall's "Tay Bridge Disaster"!) The correspondence with Homer's story is not absolute, of course; neither, naturally, are the correspondences between the characters of this miniature epic and the old tale. Still, every character in this poem finds a counterpart in its predecessor; those who are familiar with the Iliad will find out most of these associations with some ease, I should hope, but, if they do not, the fault, naturally, rests upon the author.
On reviewing the work, I find a great deal that does not please me or pleases me only incompletely: in abridging it somewhat for this publication, I feel that I may have severely weakened several of the characters; even that being considered, I still find the poem too long! Furthermore, wherein I have entered some rhetorical flourish, I find that I have obscured the narrative; but wherein the narrative is clear, I find the verses lacking much form or style. These, presumably, are natural hazards that one encounters in writing narrative poetry. Wishing you only happy reading, I submit myself gladly to your questions and criticisms; I would be grateful for any of these, and, as for compliments, I should be richly pleased with, "a decent first attempt."
Yours very truly,
Homard
Canto 1
Now play again that catchy tune, O Muse!
The wrath of Zapdos is the theme I choose
To sing!--That bilious rage that Pokémon
Down-hurrying sent to awful Flareon!
Tell me, what cause could make good Zapdos rage?
What make him cause his foes to quit the stage
And send them past the Keeper and to all
The other friends who down to the fiery hall
Had gone? Why did the one called Thunder fight
With my lord Helix? Why that strangest plight?
To Indigo, from high Mt. Silver rode
The parti-colored sprites from their abode:
Long they've been up; Sleep makes another try,
But Night doth call and Sleep's denied the lie.
For o'er the land o'er which their eyes now scan
Hide stars their fires and comet-tails their span:
And though without the Moon shoots forth her ray,
Yet sun sheds light on Kanto's endless day.
A sylph perceptive with his comrades halts
To see the blossoms in the light breeze waltz
(In spring, enjoying February's faults.)
An Old Man and a lad strike up a glitch
While Magikarp change hands to make men rich.
A would-be champion kneels before his foe
Within the gates of eight-walled Indigo;
On host of five, a glorious sixth now lights
Without the marble palace's azure heights
For nine times beaten was Lord Helix's host
And ten times now by dragon and by ghost.
The doubting spirits, hovering in the breeze
Or viewless in the open or the trees
With piqued ears or insouciant cannot hear
The council chatter, but with hearts of fear
Now wonder whether they'll force Helix thro'
And all his treasured host bring glory; lo!
In majesty, with feathers tipped with gold
The pointed shape of A. J. overtold
In stories rises, he, the first of birds,
And now with anger and with winged words
--For he had called his comrades by his grace
And all the host of Red were in that place--
With twilight twinkling, and on such a day
Does Zapdos speak or Zapdos seem to say:
"Lord Helix, now more times have we begun
Our conquest of this place and thence been spun
Than we have comrades or this place has walls.
This is our tactic; Indigo never falls!
Then send me, Helix; Zapdos at the head
Let be and we in halls of champions tread!"
Among the gathered vorpal Zapdos lands
And now to speak indignant Helix stands:
"O valiant Zapdos, me you sha'n't outwit!
Am I, while you're at fight, idly to sit?
Are all thy comrades safely just to let
Thy glorious body all the glory get?
Together came we seven to this plateau
These haughty four or five our might to show.
I was elected every fight to start
By those who judge, who love me best at heart!
And, for their will, I'm stronger than thou art!"
Though Zapdos lifted up his voice & brain,
That Pokémon whom Red did longer train,
Immortal Pidgeot, now rose up to speak--
Of glittering comb and jewel-encrusted beak
Was Abba, gazing raptorwise, his down
Of dun and cream and crafty was his crown--
If sixteen hundred years or sixteen days
His age made up, then age now sings its lays:
"High stomach'd are you both and full of ire!
In rage deaf as the sea, hasty as fire!
Zapdos, that thou art young I will omit!
Lord Helix, that you're young I'll scarce admit!
Great opposites! To age's council bow!
Some greater opposites I see e'en now.
I've had of greatest mates the privilege.
O! what I would not do, o'er-jump what ledge
To have again dear Abby, my team-mate.
Two brothers sworn were we, when Zapdos great
Sat lonesome and did Helix incubate.
I'll ne'er forget our dauntless, bold alliance
Nor rid myself of Abby's just defiance
Of Surge the great American; nor sweeten
Our bitter fight with Misty Neverbeaten.
Abby's high spirit th' American admitted.
And I have many times Abby outwitted!
If seeking wisdom, as all wise beasts seek,
Or if but pitying this gentle beak
That hath so many friends and brothers lost,
Let not your counsels be thus tempest-tossed.
Lord Helix shall our Hannibal remain
And guarded sit in back of three or twain.
Zapdos go first and no dissension breed.
Concordant discord is the life we need."
With honeyed words did he address the host
Seeming as he did of time the ghost;
Though Helix pondered counsel in his heart,
Zapdos would not be won to Pidgeot's art.
And here did Zapdos wish to cuff his lord
But did forbear; an idea stopp'd his sword:
"All right, Lord Helix, from this rule I fly!
I'll fight alone if my might you deny!
All right; if Helix shall no succor lend
Then to the arms of Mother Dome I'll mend!"
So Red and of his team just five did stay
Whilst angry Zapdos to the Dome did stray.
And Zapdos, full of spleen, all-hearing Dome
Now conjures, begging her forsake her home,
And pounce (although, in fact no legs she hath)
To Indigo to help him coax his wrath.
She who, of claws that catch, commands the ledge,
And oped Bill's gates, and teases every sedge
The host of doughtiest heroes to confound,
And words or winged or witless doth propound
Mischief to make hears Zapdos's plea resound.
Swift with her wingless claws and shell of lead
She flits from off her melancholy bed
In that nocturnal cave, where sunlight's glare
Finds shelter impregnable and stealthy air
As hopeless finds its cause as on the Moon.
And Dome, as full of orders as lampoon,
Her ruby eyes astonishing all seers
Her voice as full of chortles as of tears:
"Zapdos! Forbear to speak another word!
Here! Nestle close to me, my dickie-bird!
Some honor to thee Helix will refuse?
To honor thee, then, soon the gods will choose!
It seems so long ago: I heard the sprites
And picture it! An idea on one lights!
Let's cast our losts with Lady Dome! We can't
In other wise get to the Power Plant!
But though it came to naught, I'll not forsake
Thee, would-be son! Nor to thee promise break.
Though much despised of them, to sylphs I'll go
And then, upon th' Elites shalt thou bring woe!"
Thus promising with vagueness in her voice
Westward she flies, there to effect her choice.
It seems again the four the six do beat;
Eternal as the Sun seems their defeat.
(The beamish Red whose championship all seek
Like mother to her brood at-odds can't speak:
The warring parties' suit he cannot hear;
Therefore, to tow them both he must not fear.)
Though violet Fonz with brouhaha is pleased,
The sapphire shell with fainting's hardly eased.
And wise, undying Abba counsels thus:
"Of this our enterprise art thou the truss.
Thou dost, beloved shell, require sleep,
Great Nature's second course; go, count Mareep!"
And counselled Helix, counsellor of the gods
Sleepfully nestles him against the clods.
And orderless, from peaks of Silver Mount,
O'erlooking eight-walled Indigo, sans count
The Jupiters and Junos of the tale
Come hurrying down (in sightlessness's vail)
--Here's Pewter-gray and all his stony troupe
Who 'mongst their friends demand in endless loop
That hie we must back to Cerulean fleet!
(Because 'twas never that we Misty beat.)
And, looking down upon his hands--on one,
A little ring depicting Helix shone
And on the left another had a dome--
Now enters breezy Celadon the poem
Here's gold Vermilion with his hoarded loot
And Fuchsia and Viridian to boot.
They clustered them about the Helix's head
And in a language not unknown they said:
"O stone with silent slumber sweetly swooned!
O Helix Fossil, round thee have we crooned
Our harmonies of reverence and love
Deigning our hands and knees from high above;
In dreams and silent whispers to all these
We speak and all direct through gentlest breeze.
Who knows not Pokémon and we don't speak?
Yet they do our commands both take & break!
Hear and believe! Thy own importance know
Nor bound thy narrow thoughts to things below!
O! who is this of countenance mild and plain?
Our whimling, little Red! Fret not and train!
As now your own, our beings were of old
And once enclosed in trainer's warlike mould.
How many Blues and Reds traverse the Earth?
Each hath his host and vanities and worth--
It may be that a few may champions be
But all may, stopping their adventures, see
Such sights as these and from this vantage nod:
Yes, every trainer gets to be a god.
Some day, sweet Red, like many Reds before,
Thy rank and paths triumphal thou'lt deplore
And essence-like, ethereal wilt ascend
The Mount that hard by this plateau doth tend.
But for the moment, little chap! our care
Is on thine host and thee the title fair
Of champion to bestow; from thee 'twas torn!
But Helix of our eye's the apricorn!
This world we did not make, though know it well;
Nor blame us for the fiery pit of Bill
Nor for that Sunday (though that one's our fault.)
No, mighty Fates suspect but by default!
For they create the unescaped and wot
What of all things becomes, and we know not.
But we protect thee, from what high point we may:
From hill or edifice--say yea or nay!
It matters not. We've contrived something new.
We've dallied with the Dome, but still on you,
O sacred stone! We keep our sacred eyes
Counting the seconds till you take the prize.
And worry not if we, as oft, should shout
'Hail Helix! Death to Dome!' or 'Helix out!'
A silly thing a trainer is; so we
Are silly things, out watchword 'Anarchy.'
Know this! Though some may Dome or Helix call
Thy triumphs, we, thy champions, conquer all!"
When wakefulness returned and sleep had fled
The Helix host to fight and confidence led.
More oft than not, the knowing warriors think
Not of the sylphs, but try to swim or sink.
Still, Chartreuse and the Carmine had their say
And still an Amber sylph or two made hay!
These prophecies revealed, sleep slept, the first
Attempt at the Elites is made; and burst
Most vorpal Zapdos to the purple fray:
But though he fells poor Dewgong, sprites do stay
His wrath for now and 'gainst his will inurn
Him in his ball; 'tis royal Nido's turn--
A violet Fonzie for an Indigo fight!
But spiky A.J. watches, brows at height--
"Let Fonz and Helix spar; I know that I
At side of higher powers fast stand by.
Now, capsules, break, and trap us, let us loose--
You can but so long; Fate you can't refuse!"
On with the fight; our Nido does not care!
No blood sheds Fonz, and yet his purple rare
Divorces will to fight from ice's host:
And so the host of Red melts purple's frost.
And now th'Elites cheer hulking Bruno on
The hope of Indigo with Lorelei gone.
The host of Bruno charges Red's. Prevails
The aged knight of Route the First; avails
Nothing of all that huge Machamp can bring
Against gray Pidgeot. And, of course, now sing
How to the crone our glowing Abba went!
Brave, knowing Agatha's insults are spent:
Now see Gengar the Less by Abba felled
By that attack in Pidgeot's roster spelled
By technical machine forty-and-three.
But still, he falls, his health of low degree:
But think not less of Abba elder-bird:
For, as he left, most gently he referred
Some sand into the greater Gengar's face!
And when the news by Lorelei's disgrace
And of the others Lance's ears did grace,
Then Lance--who thinks that Barriers's an attack!--
Did call a counsel; allies were not slack.
And though that Lance whose-hair's-on-fire outranked
Old Agatha, still would that crone have spanked
Lance if he did not let her speak up first:
All's one, for first th' Elites will hear the worst.
"Lorelei's blood is cold; Bruno's is raw--
And now I see our Lance is but a straw!
And tho' thy blood is red, impertinent Blue,
Thy liver's white--" And thus her insults flew.
Vaguely she wrestles for greater show, but knows
That A. J. soon to darkness Indigo throws.
(This premonition has she warned before
Which always met with universal roar.)
Perhaps next ought be Lance; Blue intervenes,
With similar ease ignores and backward leans:
When silent, feet upon the table he had
And otherwise spoke the shameful and the bad:
"Hold off that Red or don't; what do I care?"
(His stance that all alone his chance be fair.)
And, "Lance, go cut that hair; your spikes are wild!"
(And personal remarks on all them piled.)
"Against my team, you fools showed lousy form."
And, "Lorelei, go make your chamber warm!
Red's team, at least, can break a sweat next time!"--
And other stuff, e'en less deserving rhyme.
And Lance the dragon-man, fists white with rage
(Though agitated face he did assuage),
With indignation and self-temperance
Set axe to sapling (but in self-defense):
"The rite of conquest is a sacred thing!
How dare you, little Oak, such insults bring?!
Dear boy! Know this! To me, thou art, alas!
As useless as the Silph Scope ever was!"
And thereupon even the dour gray dame
Applauded Lance with-hair-of-salmon-flame.
Blue barely entertains Lance's complaining
(Himself instead on Game Boy entertaining.)
Their characters glimpsed, let's turn a sideways glance
And ask, "what had the beasts to say, perchance?"
Some say they fear the Helix mightily
And others, less admiring, think to flee.
And so did many of the hosts élite
Cry out in certain terms for quick defeat.
But Blastoise doughty-brave put up his hand--
That Blastoise whom the best host helped command:
"Shame Lapras! Shame Machamp! My teammates, shame!
Rhydon, Exeggutor, Alakazam!
Hear me, ye hosts! Your foolish fears now stow.
Yield none, my friends, and to the battle go!
For trainer and for honor! Fife and frums!
The victory to him that wills it comes!"
(Then Slowbro 'gan to speak, but woe! alack!
Five seconds late; his friends had all gone back.)
And mustered thus, the hosts élite redoubled
All efforts; and the soul of Fonz was troubled.
(Did those who named this hot-head overstep
The bourns of reason when they Fonz did clep?)
As A. J. did before, now thunders he
His plan for swift and sudden victory.
And not entirely over-swiftly rose
Great Pidgeot, who'll in soaring words propose:
"O frumious one, by youth is brusqueness pardoned:
But not with policy is it reguerdoned."
(And all were sore confused. But on he went
"Although my youth in combat fierce was spent
In combat do I never less, but soar
And ever-higher soar! in counsel in war.
I say to you, O Helix! I advised
That you should not have Zapdos so despised!
That thou ignored'st me then, I do forgive.
But listen now, my general, or live
Without the favor of Aussies or of Yanks,
Or other sprites; now, Purple Fonz! as thanks
For thy most richly-colored jeu-d'esprit
Of seconds past, high Helix hires thee
To go to Zapdos now and win his heart.
Thy brother in purpledom with thee will start--
Swift Venomoth. O! What's this hue I see?
Is purple turned to red? How can that be?
Then blue is sent along. Sweet Air, now go.
These counsellors three shall make that rage bow low."
Thus Abba spoke; and Helix was not one
Fair counsel to reject; and thus it spun
That Zapdos-ward themselves now would they bring:
Clear-thinking Venomoth, Fonz Nidoking,
And gentlest Air. A distance short they go
The statues round that Pokémon forth show
Of heroes long ago betid; on one,
Not but a yard or two from whence they run,
No better perched than any passerine,
Sits golden A. J. (great at least as nine.)
His countenance can scarcely well reflect
His bosom's ardent wrath nor let defect
Remorse's trace nor hostly dues eject.
But yet doth Thunder like the mellow mist
Give gentle three his deign; to him they list:
"Welcome," (he'd make this "welcome" longer be
Were he not ta'en aback Lapras to see.)
Deferring not to sylph's nor comrade's choice
Impudent Nidoking takes up his voice;
Now Zapdos he, for scorning Helix, scolds
And all the while a massy fist he holds:
A fight he threats, a jeer here, and a mock:
"A Poison Sting may trump a Thundershock."
Seldom nice to mammals or to birds
Thus said he (with more Anglo-Saxon words.)
And Zapdos banished silence, telling Fonz
That he has felled all foes, e'en grounded ones.
"They've reeled before me; Bruno's Onix fell!
I see by your disdain you know it well.
Though mine is air, your element the ground,
Your statements groundless nonetheless I've found."
But passing over tensions's violent groans
Said subtle Venomoth in subtle tones:
"Alas! good teammate: you are not so wise
As those of us who breathe the airs that rise:
We are not of a type, but is't to fly
Or float that makes us kin, O Thunder? Why
Attempt such fractures? We two well do know
These two to be the same. (And soon, but show
Proves the divide, for some day--one of these!--
Will that company for scientific ease--
To Game Freak I refer--yes, those who sit
In Celadon, by their own brilliance lit,
Unbounded by the sylphs, like liberal Fate
Invent abilities like 'Levitate!')
Is that concurrence in thine eye I see
With my plain-speaking? Further, then, hear me.
For honor and for conquest do not fret;
His shameful words Lord Helix doth regret.
He conjures thee to come and go before
If you your service to us but restore.
Acknowledge Helix master of the host,
You bring us glory, to yourself the most."
And thus by moth the winged plan is let
Which to its brilliant lord doth backward set.
They silent sit or levitate and pout:
For Zapdos answers oily words with drought.
The envoys disappointed disembark
But not before from gentle Air some spark
The eyes of Zapdos meets; the other two
No notice take; but Fonz the strong and true
Frets not while Venomoth to self in long
Ponders, "Just where--Oh, where!--did I go wrong?"
Someone now holds aloft the Pokédex
And issues forth that sound that holds in hex;
Bulbasaur's cry, that reveille, is this
That summons one to sorrow or to bliss.
Another episode of woe or win?
Not quite at the beginning we begin:
It now befell that mighty Abba fell
And plucky Helix got his tale to tell.
Firing water in a Hydro Pump
The red-head's Lapras Helix thought to thump;
In kind did Helix answer, tempting Fate
With a geyser great against a geyser great.
And from those whitest shafts, of ivory
The sharpest, most refined, do splinters flee,
The least a death to nature. Warriors rest.
But soon the quickest gathers in his breast
Another salvo; then, the other aims!
And then the drenching dragons drink their flames.
The wounding, woundless water goes too far
And hits a pillar poor caught in the war.
A Lapras stunned sees air and pillar shake!
You'd think another shot and it would break!
--You're hardly wrong. Now, Helix redirects
His ineffective shot; Lapras detects
As one attuned by lot to predators
(As Helix, dormant long, to prey, of course,
Is new.) But Lapras falls, exhausted, slow.
And Helix bows, and to him his host bow.
And seeing the exchange of blazing beams
But all unhearing, as Red, the Red-head said:
"You're tougher than I thought! Go on ahead!"
Two sylphs of Violet and of Amethyst
Before their fellows came when that the mist
Of those too-dousing fires had sped away
And on their ears these winning words did lay:
"The time is green for skyey Helix's win!
'Gainst Onix next, his shell betrays his skin!"
Behold! but Nido's learned a thing or three
From his dear lord; for muscled though is he,
The loyal champion of royal hue
Leaves not his brutish brawn to's derring-do
But rather, as from out of sapped stone
A winged wave withdraws and sends alone
To towering Onix's place--what archery!
That try though Onix may he scarce may flee.
(Were Zapdos here now, Onix saturate,
Could not his thunders him obliterate?
If Fonz and A. J. now did share the field,
Might moistened earth to lightning's wiles yield?)
Ecstatic Zapdos, blasted from the fight
His wrath incensed and mightier his might,
Indifferent from a different lofty perch
Sees Nidoking leave Onix in the lurch.
Here and there comes harm to Nido's hide:
Though he smarts, still anger is his guide.
He bristles inwardly, but keeps composed:
"Who threw that piece of paper at me?" proposed.
And back into the thick of fight he runs,
A fighter strong, but weak in quips and puns.
Hot Sol blazes, Bulba's cry resounds,
And silent, star-like Thunder scans the grounds.
Here someone wakes, here faints, here marches Red;
And Air alone may ne'er the campus tread.
If mortal ears in warlike cries may hear
The rhetoric of war & soldier's fear
And if, in spear-like plume and steely shell,
The eyes of wights the red of rage may tell,
Then see must we in Lapras's teary way
A teary tale, though scarce may hear him say:
"Ay, me! that am not shaped for counsel or fight!
Had I but only been more trained I might
Into the wily works of war then leap.
If only I could bid the warriors sleep
Of either side; familiarity
They say engenders hate; the heart fondly
Under the tutelage of absence grows.
But I, from whom this artless strain now flows,
Have seldom battle known, remote but been,
And still do I deplore the battle-din:
The javelin sticks of stream-eroded shell,
The pointed pinions speaking smoothly and well.
An aria, a choir for war is meet;
And words considerate then for litheness beat
The smooth-voiced carbine & the pithy spear--
But my unlearned song shall no one hear
Except these plodding pods bear it aloft
Above the prey-birds and its treble soft
Beneath the waves--for 'tis a weapon of war!--
With sooner stealth than this blue bulk may store.
All have I watched, but to war nothing bring.
Never even was I taught to sing!
And yet the air I'll hymn; O sylphs take note!
For forfeit or for victory cast your vote!"
From Prince Air's lips a prince's airs are freed;
A humble shepherd plies his humble reed.
And wakeful Zapdos scarcely can resist
This strain, nor would he that the air desist;
He speaks (though drifting, he maintains his grip):
"I half-think that the rites of rage do slip!
This peace and calm gentility I fear.
(Do I the Isles' ocarina hear?)
No cry of Bulbasaur! No call to arms!
Misty t'obliterate no clarion charms!
O! Do I wake or sleep? I'm on the sea!
What smell of smoke or salt-foam may this be?
Is that the Power Plant or Indigo?
Beneath my wings, the wind! Where does it blow?"
Thus in a trance does Zapdos meditate
Unknowingly relinquishing his hate.
War-whoop and shout of fainters amid the cry
And gentle Lapras sings a lullaby!
'Gainst Hitmon Nido makes his Surf to stick--
With glee doth Fonzie take the Hitmon's kick!
A poison barb he sends--but sends it close
Fully to face th'enraged's rage's dose.
"With Helix thus to fight is Zapdos mad!
To quibble, not to fight, is chiefly bad!"
Thus scarred Nido said, contemning all
Whom Helix do contemn, refuse the brawl.
Again the host of Helix falls; th' élites
Are scarcely well content with Red's defeats.
Contented, though, half seems the host; sometimes
To cheer them Pidgeot entertains in rhymes:
Assures them, recollecting some old scuffle
That mightiest foes his feathers never ruffle.
And forth they go; down evil shall they face,
Braving again cold Lorelei's embrace.
Is't six attempts since Zapdos them forsook?
A seventh time, then, A. J.'ll overlook!
But first, from palm and capsule Zapdos beamed.
Some dizzy dream must all of this have seemed!
See Lapras, warm in fiercest frost, defend
His home and mistress from the lightning's bend.
A wicked sprite, portending woe if it hit
Steps in and bends a bolt off course a bit
"So may immortal we sometimes elect
Most mortal lightning-strokes to misdirect!"
The Ochre sylph galumphing doth intone
(To th'hosts his coming & his boasts unknown.)
The eyeless walls, the ceiling-dome admit
The flaws of nature; so it seems as hit
Th' oak-cleaving thunderbolts th' intrenchant clouds
That round about the room do wrap; but shrouds
Of snowy pillows, deathly white sink low
As Lapras glows a steady indigo.
As long ago the bolts of archers might
At passes Greek and Persian trump mere night
In skill at blacking out the sun, the hoar
Now washes white what black clouds were before.
A million frigid shards at A.J. strike
Till overborne he sinks; storm clouds most like
Now dissipate the stinging frost: the heat
Of lightning oft for snow is far too great.
Though chill was Zapdos's heart, yet swift his brain
E'en faced with his destruction, Lapras's gain.
As Lapras glows anew, the lightning-bird
Most haughty headlong rushes ere the word
Of "blizzard!" can escape the Red-head's lips.
Sing of the take down, as the air it rips
And sends destruction down on whom it wills!
Force as A.J.'s was brings countless ills
And trucks at docks (where Mew hides) sure must push!
But Lapras it but wounds; the winds back gush
And Zapdos faints. It's Nidoking's fight next,
As darkness clouds the eyes of Zapdos vexed.
Though will to fight to flight has ta'en, the eyes
Of vorpal Zapdos open as the cries
Of Nidoking and Onix sound about.
Now Zapdos from a perch observes the bout:
And here and there, is that a sylph he sees?
A Goldenrod or Hunter-green that frees
Some unintended ball from the boy's hand.
And through the fight with Bruno he'd not land--
Great Zapdos--nor when Agatha they fought.
But like a ghost, with care no longer frought
Does Zapdos watch. And high above the stones
That may be decorations, or the bones
Of Pokémon may hide, in the gray dame's room,
Absent Thunder's design, at last comes doom
For the wrath of Zapdos; Lapras sees he fall:
O'er rage's fires now is cast a pall.
Four fainted and great Helix stood alone.
A wave of might and water was that one
That Nido proffered; Helix's exceeds!
And mesmerized perhaps by Helix's deeds,
Yet knowing well that he alone will fail,
Great Zapdos beats a stealthy outward trail.
Now Thunder's bird finds him a patch of loam
A softly sowing th' air, he summons Dome:
He need not speak, and so, I say, omits
That he hath seen the host take critical hits
And most importantly seen Lapras fall,
Most dearly cherished Pokémon of all.
"My dear," the Dome begins, "what from me's hidden?
I just as well had hither come unbidden;
But slow thou wert, my child, of brain too dense
(If I may say so) from the fight immense
To flee away; I knew & thou knew'st, too
The team could never triumph without you.
Comfort thyself! I see thou art afraid.
Thou wishest that on other coasts thou'd'st stayed.
I tell thee, if to Helix now thou'lt go,
A new technique shall Dome make thee to know.
Next time, go forth! and all the Pokémon
Thou mak'st to faint shall go to Flareon.
The gods and I declare that at an end
This narrative now is! Thy lightnings send!"
Now Zapdos, sparing words for his return
Leaves Lady Dome, who, to herself in turn:
"I see thy grin and glad it makes me, son.
Now go thy ways; the fight is all but done.
To Helix, go! And now I too must run.
The gods who govern every small affair
Have begged of me a moment at their lair:
Those fickle things my counsels now must nurse
What now shall well become the Universe.
'What shall we,' me they ask, 'now rightly do
'When Helix topples all and Red fells Blue?'
And them I go to answer--I'll have say
When rosy Dawn begins another day!"
She spoke alone; and from thence old Red-eyes
Pregnant with wit to high Mt. Silver flies.
Now routed once again from marble halls,
The host without the palace sits and stalls
My lord doth sit apart, some sign awaiting,
With Pidgeot thronged and op'nly meditating.
Now Pidgeot, peer of Abby, full of charms
Sought selflessly relief from all these harms:
From out the pack, he lifted high that key
That he and Red some long ago did free.
Its secret he reveals facing their faces;
He flights of mirth with tense air interlaces.
Some cheer it proffered, and that swiftly taken
But all amiss! The wrath is not forsaken.
It joys them all to see their lord returned
And none of them from hopes of battle turned.
But Helix has decided that th' advice
Of Pidgeot still holds true; and so, he tries
A second council now to bring together
Zapdos to woo with horn or pod or feather.
The sylphs (or some of them) and Pidgeot nod
When down from up descends that almost-god.
With fear they bore 't when Zapdos down had flown;
If clouds had hid the Sun, his star had shone.
His awful beauty awe-filled stares did take
And in this wise most vorpal Zapdos spake:
"O Helix! Well for Indigo it's been
That lo these hours we've dear held this sin
Perhaps th' élites take council just to laugh
Or half in jest dictate our epitaph.
Assuredly, they fear us not; Dragonite
That "drawer of walls" most righteously is hight
(Thanks to our Venomoth) nor all his host
May fear a line that triumphs thrice at most.
And what of Blastoise? Gengar great or less?
The wrongs I've done to you I now confess.
Your victories individual I'll not mar,
Nor mean you harm, O master Omastar!
I saw when that your wave the field did blanch.
Dux had his leek, so I my olive-branch."
His eye turns; Helix now suspects no ruse
(And god-bird Pidgeot recommends the truce.)
Now laughing, my lord Helix repartées
With Zapdos, counting all their works and days.
Then, wiser and far better to explain
Than either of the lately uffish twain,
Good Abba, with their solemnized consent
Said with a reconciliatory bent:
"Our sanguine Fonz needs azure Air once more!
Rest easy, friend! Just vict'ry is in store!
For simple valor ere this found the grave;
Divided more but still undimmed shall have
Sweet victory; for battle thy wrath save.
Our clever lepidopteran is seeking
A different flame; for thus will moths be peeking
However clever they may be; sure he
Will not be so frustrated; A.T.V.
Undoubtedly will soon find out a way.
That done, to us will he return; we'll say
To him all of these joyfullest transactions,
This birth of teamwork and the death of factions."
They celebrate; these victories shall last;
For Zapdos, though, the brooding-time's not passed.
He tells his team-mates nothing of what said
That slithy Dome nor what it in him bred.
The host's assembled; they sha'n't tarry long.
Old Pidgeot says, "Now, gentles, round me throng."
And out the pack the Silph Scope he produces
(Which ghosts unmasks and nearby things reduces.)
"I long have wondered," speaks he, "what this glass
Can see of things to be, of things that pass.
I've had a premonition it'll tell
Of all that e'er shall be, for ill or well!"
In it he looks, his lookers fascinated,
Hearing instead the useless specs berated!
(What landed Pidgeot said bears no recounting
With silent hopes at height and stead'ly mounting.)
Again at left & right the capsules burst.
On north and south, both swift, but t'other first;
And purple light belies the red of war
And silver smoke slides o'er the stadium floor.
Those rainbow-enthroned Fates put down a curse
On slippery Dewgong: never for the worse
Of t'other host would he foremost emerge.
Though he has fallen yet, yet did he surge
Undaunted as before first in this fight:
His ready grin behold, his cheerful light!
But all this wonder's days did Zapdos end,
A golden blade to silver spear did bend.
Thus liquid power solid water crushed,
The ice's sting with thunder's burning flushed.
A greater force is Red's than Lorelei's!
A drop of Thunder dropping from the skies
Is more, when aimed well, than shell can take!
And could the flames of Flareon worse shake
Than the wrath of Zapdos? All foul nature arise!
The orbs of ice and fire are the eyes
Of Zapdos as he lands the fainting stroke.
One-two! One-two! Again the bright bolt broke!
A sound terrific from the thunder clash!
Ice, water, and the earth now turn to ash!
And red-eyed, outgrabe Zapdos lorded o'er
The form of Lapras, and with spite did roar
As he into the lake did Lapras toss
Churning the waters of the lady-boss
(Where all do know the Goldeen swiftly swim)
And voicelessly thus Zapdos taunted him:
"No god nor man do help thee, though you're hapless!
Let Goldeen bite the snow white fat of Lapras!"
(Upon the door behind two doughty sprites
Lay back with forms untouched by stadium-lights,
Relaxed completely yet on guard to say,
Should Red try fate, "Nay, do not run away!")
The red-head's hopes to roisterous foam were tossed
And then withal were Bruno's won and lost.
And in the brawl with brawny Bruno fell
Their lord and master, steely Helix's shell!
And Nidoking then leapt upon the rocks
As long-tormented Laelaps would the fox.
(And Hoenn-born Machamp, tears at his eyes,
Submitting self, himself did sacrifice.)
Not now allowing Red him to recall,
Zapdos invades without a Poké Ball:
With thunders, but more often with his drill
Doth Zapdos all the specters send to Bill.
(Some special rage had Zapdos kept in store
For those that gentle Lapras would deplore.)
In falling, greater Gengar prophesied
That glory to the host would be denied.
But Agatha just admits that she was wrong:
"Word I'll speak not; now, child, run along!"
Though no amount of lightning could disperse
The empty words of Gengar's heavy curse,
Sweet Red and all his host, as in a trance,
Leave Agatha to watch the dragon's dance.
O Lapras dear! Why did the sylphs choose thee?
Why not allow thee cheer & sing, be free,
In fight's turmoil otherwise, not needed.
The Hyper Beam comes, innocence unheeded:
The shaft of power fires with a bang.
How shall we sing the praise of him that sang,
Though fighter none, of finest words the triller?
Now, see! The drawer of walls erects a pillar!
Zapdos screamed: his note the high air burned
(Worse far than starling prima donna turned!)
The dragon, though, in a flash was off; the light
Took Lance as well; the beams tore them from sight.
Now Aqua, Phthalo, Lazuli descend
And to Blue's amphitheater do they wend;
They've come most slyly reassuring Blue,
Whispering false hope to all his retinue.
But tell me, Muse, what god or beast made Lance
To fly away amidst the dragon's dance?
'Twas Zapdos's benefactress, mother Dome
Who to th'indignant Lance had speed'ly come:
"Fear not", said she, "O champion vanquish'd now!
In three years time or less, th' Elites will bow
To thee! The end comes not as credits roll
Despite the wrath of Zapdos sans control!
Sylphs order 't, Fates allow: for Venomoth
Was owed thy Dragonite, the sprites are wroth!
This A.J.'s wrath thou'rt spar'd, but do recall
Another A.J. cometh to thy fall!"
So Lance the Johtian, an Heracross
Who sipp'd but briefly at the honey gloss
Of Dome, her magic words, contented him
And nursed his bitterness at airy whim.
A millisecond gone did Yellow grip
The arm of Pink, whom Yellow yet did trip;
But ruled by some unruly better they
Shake hands and hear respected Crimson say:
"We sylphs take each precaution that we might
To guide our protégé for wrong or right:
Some one of you, whilst Lance is occupied
Become the dragon-master and abide
His place and speech that Red shall be deceived!"
At this pronouncement, not a sprite was peeved.
And Pink, his cause or won or lost in the lair,
Takes sight and shape for color of his hair:
No great declaimer he, to silent jeers
And muted, great guffaws of picky peers
He speaks to Red: "Ay me! O woe! That's it!
A master, Red, you are, I must admit!"
The unsuspecting Red reties his laces
And marches to the hall where Blue he faces.
Akimbo standing, cockily he grins;
'Tis clear that here the Champion begins;
Blue's standard raised, his folly he unfurled:
"I am the strongest trainer in the world!"
Our Abba's doppelganger to the fight
Did come the first--as very well he might!
And Zapdos Pidgeot made that second to scram.
And after Pidgeot came Alakazam
Who rais'd aloft his twin and stainless spades
And, for a moment, Zapdos's strokes evades.
But Zapdos grinned and threw another fork
Of lightning and delighted at the torque.
And like a fisherman who on the job
His cigarette into his tray doth lob
(For in Japan, before a kid he'll smoke--
Translated all must be: his vice might look
Like something that a kid should do--yes, right!
Why should not Fisher-man put out his light?),
Great Foodin (look it up!) released his spoons
And fell in Zapdos's view. See where he swoons!
Then Rhydon charging to the battle came;
Then Zapdos tried that snarling beast to lame
Thro' lightning, but he aim'd not for the horn!
And so from battle A.J. then was torn.
And Nidoking--by Surf--heard his command
The swagg'ring Rhydon then to reprimand.
A manly sylph of fair Carnation-pink
The wrist of Red within an eyelid's blink
Doth flick & so recall the violet scourge
And with another doth another urge.
Most windy Arcanine (who could not run)
Zapdos with lightning came again to stun.
To Zapdos, then, did Abba leave all spoil?
No, Abba to Exeggutor was foil:
But then, the gentle nester of the host,
Great Pidgeot, humble, ever without boast--
Took manxome Blastoise's Blizzard's felling wind;
Though his the vict'ry, Blastoise felt he'd sinned.
High lifting up his voice, "O! as you pass
Remember me for all I did to grass
In Celadon, and how the Rocket Boss
And all his army suffer'd fatal loss
As at their brimming stones I thrust my head
And beat my wings--Remember what I said:
And say besides that Abby was my friend--"
And thus the eldest meets his latest end.
The winged fell, but Venomoth in flew;
Sometimes, he'd Blizzard take and sometimes two.
Blastoise, then, to his shell did sound retreat
And so did hope again Red to discreet
And stay to fight another day. Proud one!
Nay, from a trainer battle we can't run!
And A.T.V. disabled Hydro Pump
And then from Blastoise's preying glance did jump
In Fonz's favor; but thou wert not spared
The wrath of Zapdos; lowering Thunder stared
And smote him; cornered Blastoise could not block
A borborygmus nor a short, sharp shock
There on the hallow'd plain of Indigo,
Within the gates of eight-walled Indigo.
That stalwart shellfish all too soon was gone!
Shocked Blastoise fell, but Zapdos was not done.
The vanquished should return first; this he knew,
But all around the stadium he flew
Encircling doughty Blastoise as he went;
Thus from the shell the capsule's beam he bent.
To Flareon sent Zapdos other foes
But now for Blastoise causes other woes:
In 's anger, Zapdos peaceable return
Will not allow, but keeps his countenance stern.
The Dome and sprites a wicked power gave
And nothing Blastoise could avail nor save
Until a certain figure there did walk:
'Twas that old, goodly man, Professor Oak!
In strolls to music slow, congratulates
His protégé (and kindred Blue berates.)
(The scene he sees in after-times ignores
Though naturally the tactic he deplores.
As ice in tea doth melt, his sternest look
The aged aged man softly forsook.)
His words would deafly founder, but his grin
At once convinces Zapdos of his sin;
Gazing, silent Thunder seems to hear
(T' extrapolate I'll not elect to fear):
"Put down thy rage, O Thunder of the skies!
I usually trainers thus advise:
This isn't the time to use it"--this he spoke
And Zapdos--he abashed!--this counsel took.
He, having paused in air, let feathers down
And shutting eyes, he let decline his crown:
And though he could not speak, he wished to say
To his human counsellor, hair of warmest gray:
"The sea-side gym I've never seen, but heard
That there are traps; I take it at the word.
Athwart the beach the old lieutenant sits
(Whiles electricity his fence emits!)
Amidst his corporals and his private hands
Many a soulless sergeant silent stands:
Choose wisely as you may! Each garbage-bin
A little switch may store, a little grin.
But cease your mirth! An endless step away
The other switch is that shall clear the day.
And if improperly you choose, for naught
Your prior wisdom is, that chance you caught."
This uttered, Zapdos kindly to the gent
Would say: "All's well, for all my anger's spent.
You to me all the worth of man impart:
Thy name's of wood, but iron is your heart.
I've heard, you've seemed to say, and I've agreed
'Discordant concord is the life we need!'"
As custom is, the fainted first returns:
In ball of red and white Blue him inurns.
Past this, what's more to say? The credits roll
And Oak his charge and 's monsters doth extoll.
But if the sylphs & patient Muse permit
Let us now sing of themes more truly fit
And lift our voices up to higher strings
(Mounting on Abby's newly-sprouted wings.)
Look up! Our praises sing him to the skies:
See Thunder now (with more than mortal eyes)
Ascend this dun plateau of victory
And sail beyond the Mount into the sea
Of stars as falls on Kanto moon-dark night;
Now Thunder manifests in cloudless sight.
Trust her that heard the music of the spheres:
The Muse commands thee put away thy fears!
When every sylph the Silver Mount has mounted
And thousand times each conquest has recounted,
When after twenty thousand years have passed
And ancient youngsters long since breathed their last,
Shall we look up and crane our necks afar
Forever seeking out Zapdos's star!
