TEEN: A Sine of Things to Come: a Journey of Rediscovery

[Beth Pavell]

Re: A Sine of Things to Come

Chapter Three down

Technical Accuracy/Style
A lot of little minor errors, most of which I suspect are typos. Watch the capitalisation, especially on words that are also perfectly good in lowercase. A line break missed, let's see ... oh, yes, and "striped" rather than "stripped"

Story
The story continues well. It's a nice training sequence chapter overall. I quite like your take on the physics of electric pokémon. I wish I was in a position to make more sensible comments, but electrical physics is not my area of expertise. Regardless, it came across well, and you've hit a nice middle between the technical and the accessible in your writing. I especially like that the story continues to take a non-traditional approach. I'm kind of bored of an unusual premise leading straight into the standard forest-and-Rock Gym arc

Characters
Quite a good version of Blue here. Personally I hate the canon character's colour names, but what the hell, it's canon and I'm not going to complain much about it. Anyway, Blue comes across well - kind of spiky and rude, but not completely without reason. I appreciate that you highlight a Gym Leader's responsibilities - something zig-zagged in the canon where Leaders apparently can completely ignore their Gyms at times

Final Thoughts
Continues well. I would suggest having technical tidy up of the chapter, if only to make sure that future readers don't run into the same errors

 

[Beth Pavell]

Re: A Sine of Things to Come

And Chapter Four. At this point you really need a table of contents somewhere at the beginning of the thread

Technical Accuracy/Style
Same as always. If I had to pick out one thing I'd say "conscience" rather than "conscious". I still think you've got a way to go when it comes down to the action scenes. It's possible that the battle in this chapter wasn't supposed to be especially tense or fast-paced, since it was an incidental battle from an observer's perspective. In any case, you have got a nice habit of adding in casual bits of detail rather than just thundering on to the next major scene. I think you're the only other author I've seen who actually added in extra Magnet lines

Story
Ambling on in it's slice-of-life way, and I like that. I may have said it before, but I really don't think there's enough slice-of-life in pokémon fanfic, especially given the franchise's huge potential for it.

Characters
This is a story driven by it's characters and I think you're getting away with it. I'm warming a little to Sine. Maybe in a few chapters I'll be wanting to see a bit more of what makes him tick outside of the Jolteon situation. That's the main thing going on, sure, but he's in danger of becoming something of a talking head if you're not careful. This version of Surge is alright. Like Blue it's quite consistent with his other portrayals, with the absurdity of his "I'm a war veteran!" shtick turned off, thank god.

Final Thoughts
Something to think about - given the pacing and plot of this story you could get away with taking a moment to move away from the immediate story. The appeal of slice-of-life is in the, well, life of it. No-one will read this story if they're after an epic. You can afford to spend more time building Sine's life as a character than you would if he was your typical protagonist battling Team Rocket. Doing that might lead you to think of him as his own character more than as a sorta self-insert

 

[Life]

Re: A Sine of Things to Come

Heya! This story was in the back of my mind for a while, but after seeing it get nominated in the awards I decided to come and read it. I finished about a week ago and, to keep things short, I really enjoyed it! I've been meaning to give you a review of the entire story but have been lacking the motivation for anything like that until today.

Technical
As far as misspellings or malapropisms go, I didn't spot any. Or at least I don't remember spotting any. Everything in this part of the spectrum is good, and one thing I thought was nice was that since you know about electrical/sound machines (for lack of a better term) you were able to use the proper terminology instead of using simple words. It added to the realism in the story, which was nice.

Plot
A unique aspect in this story is that the plot didn't really start to reveal itself until a couple chapters in, something that sparked my interest, to be honest. Because of that, the characters received a good amount of focus and we were introduced to what I assume will be the main cast, but more on than later.

Another aspect that I quite like is how Peter has different roads he can travel down, and that even though the plot is there it's not set in stone (in the readers' mind, at least). He can continue to train at the Vermillion Gym for a while, eventually go back to his old job, or go on a badge quest himself. The possibilities are all there and I look forward to seeing which path he'll take. (My personal theory is that in the end of the story he'll become the gym leader for Olivine City.)

Characters
I'm fan of Peter, in all honesty. Because you pull a lot of inspriation from yourself and use it to build his character, he comes across as a real person with interests and quirks and all that jazz. It's funny, because while I may not use the word "interesting" to describe him, he still interests me in that I wonder what he'll do next.

While other human characters may not be too big in the story yet, you've introduced a handful of others that all seem like fun characters in their own right. The trio of new trainers seemed fun (especially with their name puns, aha) and I wonder how much we'll be seeing of them on their journey. Also makes me wonder if Peter will become rivals with them somehow, but who knows?

Then we've got Alison, who I wonder how long will remain in the story. She seems like she'd be a good supporting character, but given that she's about to finish her badge quest I doubt she'll travel with Peter if he decides to go on his own.

The other four characters who I can think of (Peter's boss, Professor Rose, Blue, and Surge) are good supporting characters. They're not outstanding or anything on their own, but they help move the story along and aid Peter with his journey, which is nice.

And of course, there's Jolteon! It's nice to see a pokemon character with a personality since most aren't that animated, but Jolteon has life to him. Like most newborns he's curious about the world around him and likes to explore, but in his case he can't do much without becoming scared and shocking somehow. I don't have a whole lot to say about him other than that he's a fun little guy, and I hope to see his character be expanded upon more as the story progresses.

I also wanted to comment on the setting, but unfortunately don't remember enough to really say much other than that you do a good job of describing each scene/event and don't leave anything out. Oh! That, and that you've also done a good job building up the story's world. With the Olivine situation to Peter's job and the background information you have in various places/characters, things seem... well, real!

All in all, everything is done well, and I especially commend you for your characters. Nothing sticks out to me in terms of what could be improved upon, but of course there's always room for improvement. I'd love to see the world and characters continue to get developed, since the story is only just beginning and they have a long ways to go. What keeps me wanting to read more is Peter, to be honest, and I'm excited to see where his journey will go.

 

[Olive]

Having yet to master the art of the concise review, I figured it would be safer to just note everything. Anyhow, here is my post-awards review of Sine.

Technique
Though the mistakes were not distractingly obvious to the point of detracting from my ability to read the story, they were there nevertheless. There was one mechanic in particular that you did misuse regularly that – once again though not affecting the story’s coherence – was noticeable and consistent enough to the point of being a distraction: your use of commas during quoted dialogue. Rather than using a comma as is appropriate to end a line of dialogue followed by a line of narrative regarding the dialogue, you would consistently use periods. Aside from that, there were a few misspelled and misused words and minor punctuation mistakes.

Style
I have yet to detect a really original or stellar style, but it’s pretty easy to read and flows well for the most part. The dialogue was good, with only a few occasions with unnatural or forced conversations. The prose worked perfectly fine, though in the earlier chapters it occasionally felt a little overly-embellished. As the story has progressed, the prose as become more concise. There was a notable deviation in the point of view that was a tad odd; the whole story is told from Peter’s perspective, with the exception of a short portion at the start of the third chapter that is told from Professor Rose’s perspective. The exposition it offers is minimal, and it could have been left out for the sake of keeping a consistent point of view. Regarding the written expositions of some characters, particularly Peter in the first chapter, they lack a certain amount of subtlety. At one point, a whole 154 word block is dedicated to Peter’s personal musings about his work ethic and selfless nature, taking place right after a conversation he had with Donovan over that very same topic. A bit blunt, but it didn’t break the flow terribly much so it’s really more of a personal reflection of my preference to see characters developed through their actions rather than through internal monologues. Not stellar or hugely original, but perfectly functional.

Plot
Despite the story still being in a relative state of infancy, the plot has been moving along at a pretty decent rate. The various minor arcs flow well and meld into each other pretty seamlessly. The taming of Jolteon has been handled well, though Peter’s agreeance to commit himself fully to a Pokémon he’s known for less than four days feels the least bit obligatory. That aside, it has moved the story along nicely and in a believable fashion. I also appreciate the disappearance of Jasmine, which has been briefly touched upon, as means of laying the ground-work for some sort of subplot-to-come. As far as the big plot goes – which I logically conclude will culminate in Peter rejecting his I’m-happy-as-an-electrician-slash-musician-and-don’t-need-Pokémon-to-be-happy philosophy and becoming a trainer or at least a Pokémon enthusiast. Not the most groundbreaking concept, but the story to get there has been original and well developed to this point, so there is little that I could protest against.

Setting
The settings are well-described and easy to visualize. The two gyms as well as Peter’s apartment have all been very nice locales to assist in the story and add nicely personality-wise to the characters associated with them. Looking at the broader settings, like Viridian and Vermilion Cities, they make nice backdrops, but the characters don’t have much interaction on these broader scales. Not truly a problem, but I would think that the urban backdrops could contribute to the story in some worthwhile way. No major problems. The larger settings are a bit deficient, but you make up for that nicely by creating more intimate, smaller-scale areas.

Characters
As far as all of the minor and supporting characters go, I have actually been quite satisfied with their portrayals. Rather than existing solely to highlight and develop Peter or progress the plot, they have been given motivations and personalities that make them worthwhile contributors and individuals in the story all on their own. While making them memorable, you have also avoided making them dynamic in any real way. Rose and Donovan in particular were introduced to serve a specific function in the story, and their personalities very narrowly orbit that purpose. As side characters though, this deficiency is not hugely distracting. The two primary characters in the story are separate cases. Jolteon I am extremely satisfied with as a character, despite it merely being a Pokémon. It’s been shown as destructive and powerful, yet simultaneously, it seems to show remorse for the damage it causes and fear not just of others but perhaps even of itself, very dynamic qualities, and all of that told just through its actions, no dialogue or lengthy exposition required. Peter Sine is the character that I have the hardest time grappling with. A very large portion of time is dedicated to revealing how work-oriented and altruistic he is, which gives his character a solid foundation. His career as a radio and electrical technician and hobby of music generation are unique and memorable characteristics. Though I am still the least bit unconvinced that his character would be willing to drop his work and hobby, which seem to be the foundations of his life, to go on what he knows will be a lengthy journey to train Jolteon. Perhaps his selfless nature leads him to leave behind his life to tend to Jolteon. Regardless, Peter’s development seems to have been spurred on just as much by Donovan, Rose, and the kids at Rose’s laboratory insisting – practically forcing – that he discover the joys of Pokémon, as by Peter’s own personal reactions to his predicament. There’s nothing really wrong with the characters, but or the most part, the development that has occurred so far has either been nonexistent or – in Peter’s case – made to feel just a tad too obligatory.

All Things Considered
You’ve started with an idea that really isn’t that original: a person who doesn’t care much for Pokémon goes through some life-changing experiences and finds his or herself in a position where that original status quo is challenged. Despite that, you’ve managed to put your own spin on that theme and create some pretty memorable characters in the process. This story in not remarkable yet, but in time it very well could become something special.

As a final note, there was some question as to just how well this story fit into the Expansions genre. Aside from the gym leaders and the setting, there really wasn’t much that makes this story an expansion upon the game cannon. You might be planning on introducing a new main character who is also a cannon character from Pokémon later on, but as to present, there might be other categories that fit this story a tad better.

P.S. I feel obliged to note that the new title graphic for the story looks pretty cool.

 

[chaos_Leader]

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Lightning in a Bottle

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With a now all too familiar snap and flash, yet another light bulb was shattered over the workshop floor. At this, Jolteon flinched back from the light bulb rig with a yip of discomfort, shaking her head and pawing at her face as she did.

Peter let our a weary sigh and knelt down in front of Jolteon, helping to pick out the glass shards caught in the Pokémon's fur. The shattered pieces of light bulb never got enough force behind them to hurt Jolteon on their own, but the Pokémon could accidentally cut itself on its own if Peter didn't help.

“You're still using too much electricity, Joltoen,” Peter explained again for what felt like the hundredth time since they began the exercise. “You only need to use a tiny bit of power to light up the bulb. Do you understand?”

With the glass picked out of her fur, Jolteon looked up to Peter with tired, worried eyes.

“I know it's hard, but you have to learn this, or you'll always be out of control like you were when you evolved,” Peter continued while he cleaned up the rig and prepared a fresh light bulb. “You don't want that, do you?”

In response, Jolteon let out a small reluctant whine, and lowered her head. Peter supposed the Pokémon understood the necessity of the exercise, but was struggling, disheartened by the failures. Peter could hardly blame her, since he too was beginning to have similar feelings, similar doubts if this would get anywhere.

For hours now, there was no progress made whatsoever. Every time Jolteon tried to put electricity through one of the light bulbs, they'd always shatter from critical overloading. Every time, Peter would try to explain that Jolteon was using too much power and set up another bulb. Every time, the same thing happened again and again. By now they had gone through several cases of light bulbs, enough that Peter had resorted to using one of the empty cases to contain the shattered remains, and he'd need a new case soon if this kept up.

“Okay, let's try it one more time,” Peter said again, trying not to sound frustrated as he set the rig down in front of Jolteon. Once more, Jolteon placed her paws on the two leads, while Peter spoke encouragingly, or so he hoped, “remember, just a teeny, tiny bit–”

Before he could finish, the light bulb shattered with a brilliant flash, just as had happened countless times before.

“Dammit Jolteon!” Peter snapped as he shot to a standing stance, barely resisting the urge to tear out his hair as he grunted, “the light bulb is only rated for twenty five watts of electrical power! If you give it much more, the filament vaporizes. With the mess you're making, you must be shooting off at least a few thousand watts worth of power! What do I have to do to make you understand?!”

Jolteon tucked her ears down and cringed at Peter's frustrated outburst. Shaking with each step, the Pokémon backed off from the shattered bulb, and turned up to Peter with a dejected look. She looked like she might cry, or whimper.

“I'm sorry Jolteon,” Peter huffed out in an exasperated sigh, holding his hand up to his forehead, “I just...” Peter's words trailed off as his gaze meandered to the workbench, to all the electrical gear laid out over its surface. A thought occurred to him at that moment, and Peter reached for the multimeter, muttering, “Huh...”

The multimeter was a small handheld device commonplace in electrical work, with a pair of wires extending away with connecting pins on the end of each wire. The device could be set to test the power of a flowing electrical current, the voltage –the electrical charge difference between two points– or electrical resistance –how easily an electric current could flow between two points. It was this final parameter, measuring electrical resistance, that Peter set the multimeter to test for.

With the preparations complete, Peter turned his attention to Jolteon. As he approached the Pokémon, Jolteon looked up, ears perked high, curious to what her trainer was doing. Perhaps she was a little anxious as well.

“This won't hurt, I promise,” Peter said in an encouraging tone as he knelt down next to Jolteon. He propped the Pokémon on his knee with her forepaws exposed, and patted Jolteon on the back to comfort the slightly confused creature.

Gently, Peter touched the multimeter's pins to Jolteon's paws, knowing for certain that simply testing for electrical resistance wouldn't harm her. In truth, it wouldn't harm anything, or anyone, no matter how sensitive the points between the pins were to electricity, since no electrical current was being sent anyway. Even so, Peter suspected Jolteon wouldn't be harmed by even an exceptionally powerful current. The way Blue Oak's Jolteon Blitz could contain electrical discharges back at the Viridian gym, the way it could redirect and channel currents, gave Peter an idea now how to help Jolteon with the light bulb exercise she was having so much trouble with now.

“Excellent,” Peter said in a quiet but excited whisper to himself after seeing the multimeter's readings, then set Jolteon down and scratched behind her ears. In response, the bright yellow Pokémon simply looked up, tilting her head in a perplexed, yet intrigued expression.

As Peter guessed, the results of multimeter's test showed very little electrical resistance, comparable to a high grade copper wire. Jolteon's body, at least through the paws, was an extremely effective electrical conductor. Newly energized by this idea, Peter went to the variable power supply on the workbench, and set its power output to a level that these light bulbs would accept without damage.

“Remember back in Viridian City, when Blitz helped you?” Peter began explaining to Jolteon as he ran the wires and prepared the gear, his hands darting from tool to tool as needed. “Blitz caught all of your excess electricity, and channeled it through its body without being hurt in the least, so this should work, I think...”

After all was said and done, Peter had one wire connected from the power supply to one of the leads of the light bulb rig, while the the other wire of the power supply was free in his hand. With this second wire, he knelt down and touched the exposed copper to the second lead to complete the circuit. With the circuit complete, the bulb lit up bright before Peter's careful, watchful eyes.

Seeing this, Jolteon slowly stepped close next to Peter, cocking her head to the side as she watched the light glow. Then Peter disconnected the wire from the lead, snuffing the light out, and causing Jolteon's ears to twitch up at the sudden darkness.

“We're going to try something else this time,” Peter explained. “Do what you did before, but don't send any electricity through the leads, just touch your paws to them,” he said as he mimicked the motions with his own hands.

With a weary whine, Jolteon stepped forward, repeating the same actions she'd done countless times before this morning. She touched one paw to a lead, then the other–

Before Jolteon could connect to both leads, Peter lifted up her second paw and held it gently in his hand. The Pokémon recoiled slightly at the action, more out of surprise than fear, and looked back to Peter with a confused expression.

“You're okay, I've got you,” the young man reassured in a calm voice, then touched the power supply wire to Jolteon's paw in his hand.

The light bulb lit right up before Peter and Jolteon, shining bright at its full intensity, and without breaking or burning out. Jolteon's entire body tensed up, her ears stood straight on end and her eyes opened wide in amazement as she let out a surprised, yet excited squeal.

“Do you feel the power flowing through you, Jolteon?” Peter asked in a calm, but noticeably pleased tone. “It's what's lighting the bulb, and without breaking it. You need to use exactly this much power, no more, no less.” then he removed the power supply wire, breaking the circuit and shutting out the light again. Jolteon let out a disappointed whine when the flow of electricity ceased, and she pawed at Peter's knee with an expectant look in her eyes, like she was begging for a treat.

“So you like that? That feels good?” Peter asked, holding up the wire.

Jolteon's only response was to emit another expectant whine as she looked straight at the power supply wire, crouching restlessly low on all fours, as if she might jump for the wire at any moment.

“Alright girl, easy, calm down,” Peter responded through a chuckle, and scratched behind Jolteon's ear. “Let's do this one more time: one paw on the lead...” he instructed the Pokémon, pointing at the light bulb rig in front of them.

Jolteon practically bounced as she hopped to her previous position and stuck one paw on the lead. Once in place, she looked back to Peter and excitedly tapped her other paw on the floor, waiting.

Once more, Peter connected the powered wire to Jolteon's paw, completing the circuit and lighting the bulb again. The bright yellow Pokémon cooed in pleasure at the feeling of electricity going through her, and she stretched herself out as much as she could without breaking the delightful circuit.

While Jolteon was thoroughly distracted by the blissful feeling of the electric current, Peter gently placed her free paw on the other lead, and pulled the power wire away, effectively removing the power supply from the circuit...

The light bulb stayed lit.

Jolteon was now powering the light bulb under her own power, with no external assistance, and without destroying or burning out the bulb in the process.

At that moment, Peter released the breath he'd been holding, and nearly shouted in excitement, “Jolteon! You're doing it!”

The Pokémon snapped to attention at hearing that, with wide eyes and ears standing on end. She looked down at the light bulb rig, and saw for herself that she was indeed powering the light. Astonished, Jolteon stepped off the leads, darkening the light, then she replaced her paws on the leads. The Pokémon concentrated for a moment, letting out a small determined growl as she closed her eyes. Then after a quick moment of flickering, the light bulb shined again.

“Yes!” Peter yelped in a gratified holler as he stood tall, pumping his fist in the air. “I knew we could figure this out!”

Jolteon shrieked in absolute delight as she dashed all around Peter in a series of small bouncing circles. Then without warning, the little yellow Pokémon bounded up so high that she landed right on Peter's chest. The sudden jump almost caught the young man completely off-guard, but he managed to catch Jolteon and hold her against his chest. Then happy laugh escaped Peter as the ecstatic Jolteon licked his face.

The door to the workshop opened, and Lieutenant Surge stepped in, almost as weary now as Peter had been for several hours. He immediately gave a quick sigh, and began speaking in an urgent yet forcibly calm tone, “Now look Peter, I know this training can be ridiculously frustrating, but–”

Before the gym leader could even finish or Peter react, Jolteon hopped down and demonstrated the light bulb for Surge.

Upon seeing the light, Surge stopped in his tracks for a few moments and stared intently at it, possibly to make sure the light bulb wouldn't suddenly shatter after a second. When the gym leader came to his senses, he marched proudly in the room, gave Peter a hearty slap on the back and joyfully guffawed, “well I'll be a Mankey's uncle!”

Peter staggered forward a bit recovering from the unexpected back-slap, then quickly pulled himself together. “It wasn't easy, but we got this exercise down.”

“Good, good,” Surge said with approval, putting his hands on his hips in a firm stance as he continued, “but you know this is just the start, right? You two got a whole lot more work ahead of you before your done for today. Lets get started!”

The next several rounds of practice consisted mainly of variations of the first light bulb exercise. Instead of one ordinary incandescent bulb though, Surge brought out a wide array of lights. There were car headlights, small flashlight bulbs, fluorescent tube lights, bright halogen lamps, a heat lamp at one point, and even some tiny individual LEDs, and all manner of other different lights up to a thousand-watt stage spotlight. Each light had different properties and challenges for Jolteon to work around: different impedance characteristics, different margins of error, different thresholds to pass before success.

All of it, as Surge explained, was meant entirely for the young Pokémon to become better acquainted with her electrical capacity, how to feel out the potential and impedance of a circuit, how to adjust her output levels to make the most of it at any circumstance. It reminded Peter of how musicians tune and warm-up an instrument before performance, or rehearsal, or practice.

After a few more hours of constant training without a break, Jolteon became very tired. She struggled even to make a tiny flashlight bulbs so much as flicker before finally slumping down at Peter's feet with a worn-out groan. It was at this point that Surge demonstrated something most intriguing...

“Look at her,” Peter insisted as he knelt down next to the exhausted Pokémon. “Jolteon can't go on anymore, she's used up so much energy, she's completely spent. I have to take her to the Pokémon Center.”

“Yeah, that'd be the thing to do,” Surge agreed halfheartedly with a casual shrug. Then he peered over his dark glasses and smirked, revealing a bright gleam in his eye. “However, there is a little trick I'm gonna show you now, if by some chance you can't get to a Pokémon Center.”

With cool purpose, Surge took hold of the power supply's wires, attached a set of two conductive clips to the ends of each wire, and then connected Jolteon's fur directly to the power supply. Almost immediately when the circuit was completed, Jolteon became more content, more relaxed, letting out a satisfied whine. It was as if she were being given a full massage treatment, easing away all her tiredness and bringing complete comfort.

“We'll give her a few minutes to recharge, then we'll finish up today with one last challenge,” Surge said with a satisfied nod.

“I did something similar to Jolteon before,” Peter stated, remembering how much the Pokémon enjoyed the flow of electricity through her. “It's how we figured out the very first light bulb.”

“Oh yeah?” the gym leader said, raising an intrigued eyebrow over the top of his dark glasses.

Peter explained the process he did for the first bulb, mentioning how Jolteon reacted to power flowing through her.

As Surge listened, he gave Peter a series of knowing nods and quiet approvals. When the young man finished, the gym leader responded with further explanation, “when you hook Jolteon up to some power from an outside source, it recharges Jolteon's electricity reserves, but without Jolteon having to expend any energy generating electricity herself. The extra power also 'jump-starts' Jolteon's immune response and natural healing and recovery processes, allowing for a speedy rebound from all but the most serious injuries or diseases. It's a major way that wild Jolteon in packs operate: if one was sick or injured, the healthy pack members would all give a little extra power to the one in need. In this way, the pack sticks together like a tight-knit squad: no one gets left behind, and everyone has each other's backs.”

“That's really something else, isn't it?” Peter said as he watched Jolteon become more and more energized with each passing moment, fascinated by the process.

“The trait's been termed 'Volt Absorb' by the professors and the like, ” Surge further explained. “It works to a lesser extent across most electric-types, sometimes with different results, but Jolteon tend to be especially responsive. It's handy to use in a pinch, but it's best to have Jolteon work on being able to generate as much power as she can herself. We wouldn't want her secondary nervous system to atrophy after all.”

“Secondary nervous system?” Peter asked.

“You mean don't know?”

“Know what?”

“Ha! That's alright, most trainers don't know either, not unless they're a specialist,” the gym leader said with a chortle, giving Peter a knowing wink over the top of his glasses before continuing. “The electric organs of many electric-type Pokémon first evolved from a hyper-development of their nervous system. Eventually, these specialized nerve tissues could generate very large quantities of power, and discharge at dangerous levels. This same secondary nervous system also makes possible a kind of 'supercharging' of the Pokémon's muscles, so they can expand and contract far quicker than normally possible. This is why many electric-type Pokémon are much faster and more agile than others; why Jolteon can move so quickly compared to other Eeveelutions–”

A long, high-pitched yawn interrupted Surge's little lecture as Jolteon stepped up and stretched herself out, appearing exceptionally relieved and relaxed. Once on her feet, the little yellow Pokémon began pawing at the clamps attached to her, then letting out an annoyed whine as she tried to bite one of them off.

Seeing this, Peter knelt down next to Jolteon and removed the clamps himself, asking “you doing okay? Was the extra electricity good?”

The young Pokémon's response was simply to rub herself against Peter's leg, completely content. That was answer enough for Peter, who scratched Jolteon behind her ears.

“Aright, I think you're ready for my last challenge of the day,” Surge announced, stepping toward the door of the workshop.

“What kind of challenge is it?”

“Glad you asked,” the gym leader said with a hearty chuckle, then banged on the workshop door a few times before shouting, “bring it in, fellas!”

When the door opened, Vincent carefully stepped backward through it, holding onto something huge that Peter couldn't quite see.

“A little more to the left...” Horton's voice called out from the other side of the door as Vincent and his cargo bumped into the frame. “No, your left!”

“What in the name of– I don't even–” Peter sputtered, practically at a loss for words when he finally saw what Vincent and Horton were carefully wheeling into the workshop.

It was an absolutely immense spotlight, bolted onto a bulky wheeled tripod, so large that it barely fit through the door frame. It must have been at least a meter across the lens, and about a meter deep from front to back, with a thick power cable trailing behind it.

“This...” Surge announced proudly, and slapped the side of the colossal spotlight, “is the most powerful lighting instrument we have in the gym. It uses a five kilowatt Hydrargyrum medium-arc iodide lamp–”

“A what?” Peter blurted out, utterly befuddled by the term he heard.

“I thought you were an electrician,” the gym leader said, eyebrow raised over one lens of his sunglasses.

“I'm a radio guy, not a light bulb guy,” Peter retorted with a shrug.

“It's a lamp, not a light bulb; get it right, please,” Surge insisted, then began his explanation, “What it basically means is that it's finicky, high-powered, and has multiple steps to turn on properly. The gas inside the lamp is normally inert, and needs to be ionized, stripped of its electrons, before full ignition of the instrument. Once ionized, Electricity flows through the excited gas between two electrodes, creating an extremely bright plasma.”

“So, its like a fluorescent light then,” Peter conjectured, having worked with florescent tubes earlier for Jolteon's practice.

“Similar, but quite not the same,” they gym leader said as he opened the spotlight's instrument housing to show the lamp itself. It looked not to unlike the other stage lighting incandescent lamp Jolteon had practiced on earlier, but with two electrodes and open space inside instead of a coiled filament, “Florescent tubes operate on a specific reaction, where electrons stumble into ionized gas atoms and drop a photon in the collision. The medium-arc iodide lamp relies on ionized gas inside the lamp to emit the light. They have kind of similar ignition procedures, but that's where the similarities end. Instead of clumsily bumbling into gas atoms, the electrons inside the medium-arc iodide lamp form a constant, unbroken plasma arc between the two electrodes, lust like a lightning bolt.”

“So what you're saying is,” Peter replied, holding back a chuckle of his own, “this is like 'lightning in a bottle'.”

“Ha! If you weren't so clumsy with your delivery, you could go into comedy,” Surge chortled in his jovial way. Then he turned his attention back inside the large spotlight, and pointed out where a piece of hardware appeared to be missing inside the housing, which now just had a couple of wires, “This thing is normally constructed with a specialized electrical ballast to assist ignition and limit current flowing through the instrument, since the lamp would destroy itself after a few seconds with just a constant current. For Jolteon's training through, I've had this ballast removed. That means she'll have to ionize the gas, ignite the lamp, then maintain a steady arc without any extra help from additional hardware. It's all on her.”

At that, the gym leader closed the lamp housing and hooked up the spotlight's power cable to the practice leads Jolteon had been using all day long. Once done, he turned to Peter and Jolteon, saying, “alright, show me what you got!”

With a little bounce, Jolteon went right to the rig once again, placing her paws on the exposed leads, ready to give it her all.

“Easy girl,” Peter cautioned in a steady tone. “Start it off like the fluorescent light: send a stream of low power to ionize the gas inside the lamp.”

The little yellow Pokémon concentrated for a moment, and Peter saw her fur ripple as she channeled the electricity. After a few seconds, Jolteon's fur settled, and she looked up to Peter with a confident look of expectation, waiting for her next instruction.

“Good an ionized?” the young man asked.

Jolteon pawed at the leads again for an instant, and gave Peter a small affirmative yip.

“Oh! I almost forgot; you may want these...” Surge said suddenly, and handed Peter a spare pair of sunglasses.

“Thanks,” Peter replied as he took the sunglasses and put them on, instantly darkening his vision. Then he turned his attention back to Jolteon, instructing, “okay, give it quick a thousand-watt pulse.”

With a nod, the young Pokémon charged itself up, filling the workshop with the distinct smell of electricity in the air. Then with a quick snap, a small flash appeared on the other side of the spotlight lens. The circuit was complete, carrying the electric current through the ionized gas in the lamp. Now it was ready to take a little more.

“Step up the power,” Peter ordered to Jolteon. “Two thousand watts this time.”

Again, the spotlight flashed and faded, but a little brighter this time.

“Let's do it for real now,” the young man said, growing more excited as he gave the final command, “five thousand watts, go!”

With a confident howl, Jolteon quickly built up the full charge, and sent all her power through the spotlight. In an instant, the whole workshop was flooded with light brighter than the sun on a summer day. Even through the sunglasses, Peter had to squint to see the silhouette of Jolteon in front of him.

“Now, slowly ease back on the power flow!” Peter ordered, “Don't let the decreasing resistance of the plasma catch you off-guard!”

Jolteon let out an acknowledging yip, then a growl of concentration as the Pokémon did as instructed, easing back on the power flow. Sure enough, the light held steady, shining exactly as brightly as it had when first ignited at full intensity.

It was working. Surge's bizarre training methods were beginning to pay off already. Jolteon had enough control to follow detailed instructions, and was familiar enough with her own power to make minor yet critical changes. For the first time since Jolteon evolved, Peter didn't feel worried she might destroy something or hurt someone at the slightest twitch–

The spotlight flickered brighter for a moment, and again, even brighter the second time. Then with a mighty crack, the spotlight went out, accompanied soon after by a clinking and tinkling of shattered lamp shards scattering inside the instrument. Shocked by this, Jolteon jumped back from the leads, ears tucked back behind her head.

“Dammit!” Peter spat as he ripped the sunglasses from face. “We were so close!”

“Wow,” the gym leader uttered in a quiet tone, and slowly took off his sunglasses, revealing his eyes locked in an expression of genuine amazement. “Just, wow.”

“Wait, that's a good result?” Peter asked suddenly, perplexed by Surge's response.

“Honestly, I didn't even think you'd get the lamp to light up at all,” the gym leader confessed, scratching the back of his head. “I was gonna make this your next goal, and have you work on it tomorrow step-by-step.”

“What does that mean for us?” the young man asked as he reached down, and stroked Jolteon across her back, since she still seemed a little worried.

“For now, that means you're done for the day,” Surge answered with a firm tone of finality. “You and Jolteon should go and get some well deserved rest. Come back at eight am tomorrow again. I'll have something for you then.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX​

After Lieutenant Surge dismissed Peter and Jolteon, the young man immediately went to the nearby Poké Mart. He picked up a few necessary items there, carrying them out in a plastic bag, and took them to the park just outside of the Poké Mart, where there were a few benches and picnic tables. For himself, Peter bought a can of lemonade and a small bento-style boxed meal common to Kanto, since he hadn't eaten for several hours and needed to consume something after such a long day. He'd also purchased several packages of the copper-and-electrolyte-rich food the nurse had recommended for Jolteon that morning, plus a small dish to serve it in.

During that quick shopping stop, Peter was highly relieved that Jolteon had a firmer grasp on her power, with not one single shocking incident during the whole outing. She still had a tendency to run excitedly ahead though, rushing up to greet new people when Peter wasn't looking. He felt a little embarrassed every time it happened, but Jolteon put on such an air of friendly cuteness that everyone she ran up to didn't seem to mind. They loved it, in-fact, and Jolteon for her part simply relished in all the attention and affection she could glean from others.

The park Peter and Jolteon went to was supposed to be a major construction project some years ago, but never got started. Eventually, the disused land was bought up by the Pokémon Fan Club, the Kanto Chapter of which was headquartered right in Vermilion City just down the street, and the land was refurbished as a cozy park, which served as a comfortable retreat from the busy city and bustling harbor. Indeed, including Peter and Jolteon, there were several other people and their Pokémon scattered about the park, all enjoying the day and each other's company.

Once Peter found an empty bench and sat down there, he set aside his recently purchased goods, and served up a dish of the specialized Pokémon food for Jolteon, who'd been eyeing the package in ravenous anticipation from the instant Peter tore it open. Almost the moment Peter set the dish down, the young Pokémon immediately began stuffing her face in the most voracious display of appetite he'd ever seen. Then Peter started on his own food, opening up the boxed meal, breaking apart the disposable chopsticks provided, and took a few bites before taking a few moments to himself. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath in and out, and simply listened...

Peter Sine had an excellent ear for detail, which helped with his music composition, as well as listening for and identifying radio interference patterns. Sometimes though, when he just waned to relax and unwind for a moment as a kind of meditation for himself, Peter would stop everything he was doing, and listen closely to all the sounds around him that he could hear...

First and most obvious where the immediate sounds: mainly it was Jolteon happily munching her food at Peter's feet, and the occasional gust of wind blowing through. Then there were the sounds of the park: distant scattered conversations between people, the playful laughs they made when with their Pokémon, and the varying utterances of the Pokémon themselves. Next were more distant sounds: the engines and heavy industrial machines of the docks, rumbling, groaning and clanking in a thunderous, clattering chorus, muffled greatly by distance, but still very present. Beyond that was the swelling and crash of the ocean in the background: that steady, constant undulation of water, producing both a deep bass as the waves traveled, and a high white-noise-like rush when the waves crashed against the shoreline and against the pier. Even further beyond, behind all other sounds Peter could here, was the muddled din of the city itself.

This din was of course made up of thousands upon thousands of individual sounds which not even Peter could identify, not at this distance. As sound waves propagated through the air, they steadily diffused, and mingled into the other sounds around it. This process continued until, at a great enough distance, everything sounded exactly the same: just a quiet, muddled din. A crash, a clink, a shout for joy, weeping in sorrow, a yell in anger, a sigh of apathy, a croon of love: it was all the same–

All of a sudden, Peter was jarred out of his 'aural meditation' when he felt a nudge against his knee.

As he'd expected, it was Jolteon who'd nudged the young man, but there was more to it. Somehow, the little yellow Pokémon had gotten herself a small rubber ball, which she set on the bench and pushed toward Peter's hand. Then Jolteon stared up at him with those big hopeful eyes she had, and let out series of short, pleading whines.

“Jolteon, where did you get this?” Peter asked in a suspicious tone as he held up the ball he'd been provided, possibly by ill-gotten means.

In response to the allegation, Jolteon simply struck a coy little pose and uttered a satisfied yip, with what Peter suspected was a touch of sass.

Squinting a bit, Peter set aside his partly eaten bento and stood up, looking for an upset person in the park that might be missing a ball they were using. Knowing how much Jolteon loved attention, Peter suspected she might have just gone up to someone and begged. He may not have found anyone missing a ball, but after a few moments the young man did catch some movement in the corner of eye...

“Ah– don't even think about it,” Peter said in a lightly threatening tone, and turned toward a surprised-looking Jolteon, who's nose was mere inches from his bento sitting on the bench. “That's my dinner. You already had yours.”

After freezing in place a few seconds, having been caught in the act, Jolteon bounded in front of Peter and crouched low in the 'play' stance. She was nearly bouncing in place, yet the Pokémon's gaze became fixated on the ball, following every slight movement Peter made with it. When he still didn't throw it, Jolteon began to utter a series of playful growls and insistent yips.

“Okay, okay!” Peter relented, jokingly adding, “as long as it keeps you out of my food.”

With a great heave, Peter Sine hurled the rubber ball as far as he could, aiming for the far end of the park. The ball was barely out of his hand, and Jolteon had already dashed after it at blindingly quick speed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX​

Peter found he was on the Vermilion Gym battle floor, on that square of packed earth inside the immense metal box. He was wearing a clean pair of slacks, a set of comfortable shoes, a casual button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, with a tasteful vest over it. It was all colored black aside from the vest, which was a subtle gray instead. It was exactly what Peter would wear given the choice if he wanted to dress presentably, but not too formally.

Jolteon was there too, standing at Peter's side. She'd assumed an active stance, and was growling angrily at something behind Peter. When he turned, the young man quickly realized that what he was seeing wasn't real. So, this was another dream.

There were two figures again, one with a Vaporeon and another with Flareon. They were the same two copies of Peter Sine who behaved much differently than Peter himself: the 'Burning Man' and 'Drowning Man' from the other dream. This time however, they seemed more reserved, more composed, more complete.

Both were wearing the same outfit Peter himself was, but presented themselves very differently, almost polar opposites of each other.

Rather than soaked, the drowning man was merely damp, as if he had just toweled off from a cleansing shower. He may have worn the same same outfit as Peter, but he wore it with a crisp elegance Peter himself never felt he could reach. The drowning man's version of Peter's shirt appeared freshly ironed, buttoned all the way up with an elegant silk tie fastened around the collar, and sleeves let down to their full length, held at his wrists with a pair of shining silver cuff-links. The slacks were clean pressed, and the vest fully buttoned and spotless. Instead of the modest chin-beard Peter favored, the drowning man was clean-shaven, and his hair was groomed in an immaculate slick-back look. He stood with a proud, haughty demeanor a short distance from Peter, staring down his nose at Jolteon with an air of absolute disapproval, while his Vaporeon sat obediently at his feet, gently swishing its flipper tail.

“What are you doing here?” the drowning man asked in the most condescending tone Peter could have imagined, made especially disturbing as it was asked in his own voice.

“What do you mean?”

“Answer the question you stubborn dolt!” a third voice, also Peter's, bellowed from across the gym floor. “Don't you dare ignore us when we're speaking to you!”

It was the 'burning man' doppleganger from the same dream. As soon as he finished, he stormed across the battle floor toward Peter and the drowning man in a blaze of outrage, with his Flareon close at his heels.

Like the drowning man, he wore the same outfit as Peter, but markedly differently. In this case, it was as if he'd worked a double shift on a radio tower without a break, in sweltering summer heat, and maybe encountered a few problems along the way. The shirt wasn't tucked in and just hung loose, and the sleeves had been torn off at the elbow, or burnt away. The vest wasn't buttoned at all, and the slacks were worn at the knees and frayed at the ends. The burning man's beard had grown out a bit compared to Peter, with about an extra two days of stubble to go with it. His hair was completely unkempt and wild, like a frighteningly bad case of 'bed head' in all directions.

The burning man arrived at the drowning man's side, spitting at Peter's feet as he passed, and glared at him through a pair of dagger-eyes.

“I'm here to train Jolteon,” Peter answered his reflections in a firm tone. “That's what I'm doing.”

“Yes, we know,” the drowning man drawled as he rolled his eyes, then turned them back to Peter. “Why must you train Jolteon?”

Then the burning man took over, saying, “you never wanted Eevee in the first place, she completely wrecked your place when she evolved, and you could have let Jolteon be someone else's problem and carried on with living,” the burning man listed, counting each one on a finger, before exploding in Peter's face as he demanded, “what the blazes is wrong with you?! Are you some sick glutton for punishment or what?!”

“Jolteon is my responsibility,” Peter insisted. “I have to see that she's properly cared for.”

At this point, both Vaporeon and Flareon began to circle Jolteon, threatening her.

“Your responsibility?! Since when?!” the burning man spat in disgust as he paced furiously in front of Peter, “Since the goofy new Professor and some sappy kid pushed her into your hands?! Your damn livelihood is your responsibility! Being a productive member of society and all that!”

“Indeed,” the drowning man concurred, keeping arrow-straight posture as he elaborated. “Your work for the radio company has been going well. You have a productive future and prosperous career ahead of you. Your focus and energies should be focused there, gaining stability in your life.”

“Damn straight!” the burning man cried out in agreement. “You did right getting where you are, but now is not the time to drop the ball and dump all that hard work to the ground. Get a grip, man!”

“You care for Jolteon's well being, do you not?” the drowning man asked as he made a clean hand gesture toward Peter's Jolteon. “Then tell us: how do you expect to properly care for her if you become unemployed and destitute?”

“I'm going right back to work as soon as Jolteon is safe and under control, I can have this both ways,” Peter assured them. “You make it sound like it has to be a decision between my job, and training full-time.”

“Isn't it though?” the drowning man asked as he adjusted his necktie.

“You know this isn't regular training, this is dead serious pro work,” the burning man reminded Peter, pounding a fist into his open hand. “It's work you have to totally dedicate yourself to in order to make it happen.”

“Do you truly believe Surge would go to such great lengths,” the drowning man conjectured, “investing so much time and effort to train you and Jolteon, and simply allow you to go back to a life of humdrum work without a fuss?”

“You can see it, right?” the burning man asked, like the answer was obvious from the beginning. “This Surge guy is really keen on you, he's gonna hype you and Jolteon up to the public, show you off. People are gonna want to see what you and Jolteon can do, and they are gonna want to challenge you, and knock you and down, make that defeat another notch on their belt. Now I know for a fact that you sir are too damn curious and interested in the potential to tell them 'no' like you should.”

“And why should I tell them 'no' at all?” Peter asked, a sense of outrage growing in himself.

“You know perfectly well why,” the drowning man answered in his cold, unfeeling way.

“You aren't ready for this kind of life!” the burning man snapped. “You aren't cut out for training!”

“Then why the hell does every single person I meet say otherwise?!” Peter snapped back, matching the burning man's intensity.

Without giving so much as a second to breathe, the drowning man supplied his answer in the sternest, most cold-hearted voice Peter had ever heard his own voice utter, “because none of them know about Charmander, Sandshrew, and Paras.”

The young man suddenly became very pale, caught off-guard by something he'd hoped was buried deep in the past.

“That was years ago,” the young man retorted in a shaky voice that he tried desperately to keep steady. “It's different now, I'm different.”

“Different? Perhaps,” the drowning man supposed with a dismissive shrug, “but 'different' insofar as the challenges you face are greater, with more at stake, and you have significantly more to lose. You have been a failure to Pokémon entrusted to you before, and you will be a failure to Jolteon in a tragically similar way.”

“So please, do us all favor and don't be a failure at life too,” the burning man sneered.

“You're wrong,” Peter growled at his doppelgängers, holding back his rage as much as his despair, “and I'll prove it to you.”

“What I said was not a challenge intended to motivate you, but merely a plain statement of facts as they are,” the drowning man said with a sigh.

“Yeah,” The burning man agreed with a small nod, not feeling the need to add any more fuel to this fire, “you're screwed.”

At once, both of Peter's doppelgängers turned and walked away, with Vaporeon and Flareon in tow behind each of them. Peter went to pursue them, making it a few steps before a blinding bright light flashed overhead from every single light in the gym battle floor, accompanied by dozens of sickening cracks. Each and every lighting instrument overhead burst, and suddenly went out, plunging the battle floor into complete darkness.

“Jolteon!” Peter cried out in a panic, “Jolteon, can you hear me?!”

He couldn't see, but more frightening to Peter: he realized couldn't hear. He didn't hear the clinking of shattered lamps raining from overhead, he couldn't hear the burning man or drowning man, he couldn't hear Jolteon. He couldn't even hear his own feet on the ground as he carefully, cautiously stepped through the empty, silent darkness.

Then out of the black, came a small, eerily mournful voice. “Where will you go when the floodwaters rise, and storm waves crash?” the voice was a child's, a boy's. It was a voice so stricken by grief, that it had fallen far beyond the stage of sobbing and tears, and was now completely devoid of life, “What will you do when the wildfire spreads, and turns your world to ash?”

Then Peter felt something rush past his legs, nearly jumping away at the surprise of it.

When he looked down, he caught a glimpse of something small, and possibly brown, darting ahead of him. Peter chased after the blurred shape, not sure if he was even heading in the right direction at all, but he went ahead anyway. A long drawn-out moment passed of Peter running, until he grew tired, or unsure, or both...

Yet, when he looked up, he knew he'd come to the right place. Right as it was, it was also utterly wrong in every way Peter didn't want it to be.

There was Eevee, the same one Professor Rose had given him that fateful day. Behind the shy brown Pokémon though, Peter saw another image of himself, but as a child, when he was eleven years old.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX​

Ooooooooooh dramatic backstory teaser!

I can still hardly believe I managed to get this chapter written and posted while stationed aboard the ship, mostly because oh how busy I've been these past few weeks. Most of this chapter, or at least the implications behind them, were already planned out well in advance. Some of them though were spur-of-the-moment, like the moment with the ball.

Thank you to everyone who's read and left a review. Even if I don't always reply personally, I promise I do read them all. Sometimes I even take inspiration from your observations and use them to help construct the next chapter or three.

Oh, and in case anyone hasn't noticed yet, the retroactive gender switch is in effect for Jolteon; he's a she now, and some of that sassy she-ness is hopefully starting to reveal itself.

Edit Notes 01/16/2018:
Cleaned up grammar and formatting. No major content changes

 

[Flaze]

Yay more training. Also this is the first chapter were I honestly couldn't keep track of all the explanations given xD you go really in depth about the different types of electrical hardware and how they work and how they all work out an dhelp electric Pokemon and this does work but also can get a bit confusing when it involves a lot of jargon. Either way I'm glad Peter is finally getting more of a hang of Jolteon and Jolteon herself is also becoming better at controlling her powers.

The different types of training methods and the way Peter came up with a way to control Jolteon's power output was also a really nice and more realistic kind of touch.

On the other note I don't know how to feel about the presence of the other two Peters and such, what they are still confuses me and how it all comes in and at the moment I'm still not sure if this story will benefit from some big type of plot, but I can't assume anything yet. I do find it interesting that there's still more for us to know about Peter's backstory, though you had already hinted at his life being a bit more complex than he had led us to believe earlier on.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Right, here from the Review Game. I read the last two chapters, to bring myself fully up to date

Technical Accuracy/Style
Stylistically, as usual you're not bad. The dream sequences were pretty cool - I liked the subtle differences between the Burning and Drowning Man in their second appearances. Technically speaking there's still the odd silly typo here and there. You have a problem with using the wrong word every now and again. I'm not sure what you meant by "lavishing" - the girl lavishes attention on Jolteon. I also noticed "immaculately" instead of "immediately"

Story
The training montage, so to speak, is the story, and I quite like that. Perhaps the details of Peter's previous training are coming in a bit late, given the usual wordcount of your chapters. It's worth mentioning again at this point that slice of life is often damn difficult to do. There's a tricky balance to strike between drama, characterisation and building an everyday world. And some people will never find that interesting no matter what you do. Overall, I think you're doing ok.

Setting
There's a lot of cleverness in this story. The biology of Jolteon is complete science babble, but it has a ring of truth, and that's what matters. Your explanation for the speed of Electric-types and the basis of their abilities was rather cunning, I like it a lot. Outside of that, your Vermillion City setting works just fine. I like that you've taken the time to slow down and paint a bigger picture of the city since it's a recurring location

Characters
Peter is still fairly unremarkable, though I wouldn't worry too much about that. I'm sure I've said before that we need to see what makes him tick, and there are some strides made into that here, so that's good. My favourite, funnily enough, is Surge. Most other authors make him a jerk, and a pretty jerky jerk at that. This guy is blunt and stern, but you can see why he's a Gym Leader

Final Thoughts
There's room for improvement, naturally. There's a lot of wordcount to the training so far. I'm not sure how I would feel to read it all back in full. Obviously, the training is the story so chopping it all down would be silly. At the same time I would be aware that your chapters are individually quite long. At this point I would think a lot about giving more weight to Peter and his issues, now that the general thrust of Jolteon's training is well-established

 

[chaos_Leader]

After a restless night at the Pokémon Center, and a brief, tired morning beforehand, Peter Sine arrived at the Vermilion Gym at eight am for the second day of training. Yet even in his sleep-deprived state, no amount of tiredness was going to stop Peter from following through on a commitment he agreed to make. It was simply a fact of how the young man operated: if he said he would do something, come hell or high water it would get done, or he'd at least exhaust every option he knew to try before he would finally stand down and allow himself to fail. If that meant arriving at the appointed time without a full night's sleep and with less breakfast than he'd like, then he'd arrive tired and hungry, but be there nonetheless.

Jolteon for her part though seemed more ready than ever. The little yellow Pokémon ran circles around Peter all the way to the gym, sometimes butting her head against his leg if he was going a little slower than usual. At one point, Jolteon even snapped a small spark of electricity into Peter's leg, earning a razor-sharp glare and an annoyed scolding from the young man. She didn't try that again.

When Peter and Jolteon arrived at the Vermilion gym, Surge was once again standing in a firm stance outside the entrance, waiting to greet them with Raichu on his shoulder. Something Peter noted as he approached was the bicycle helmet the gym leader had tucked under one arm, which had a bold yellow and black lightning bolt pattern on the outer shell. Perhaps Surge rode a bike on his way to the gym.

“So,” Peter said, doing his best to mask the weariness of his voice as he spoke to the gym leader, “what's the exercise for Jolteon today?”

“Nothing from me, nothing here anyway,” Surge answered as he shook his head, and handed the bicycle helmet to Peter. There was a key inside, for a bike lock by the look of it.

Once Peter had the helmet and key in hand, the gym leader pointed to a nearby bike rack outside the gym, where a bicycle with an industrial-yellow frame was locked up tight.

“And what am I supposed to do with all this?” Peter asked as held up the key and helmet, gesturing at the bicycle Surge had indicated.

“You and Jolteon will take Route Six north to Saffron City,” Surge answered curtly. “Go to the fighting dojo and ask for Hideki. I had him arrange a training regimen for both you and Jolteon.”

“Jolteon, and for me, at the dojo?” Peter asked, loaded with skepticism. “And for that matter, can't I just take the magnet train to get to Saffron City?”

“I said you would be trained alongside Jolteon,” the gym leader said in a firm but flat tone. “I also said one of the conditions for training under me was to do exactly as I instructed, with no deviations.”

“I'm not saying I won't do it,” Peter said, taking a defensive tone, “but I at least deserve an explanation of your instructions, so I understand the benefits for Jolteon and for myself.”

Surge went quiet for a few moments, wordlessly eyeing Peter through his dark glasses, judging him? It seemed to Peter that the gym leader had changed significantly since they'd last met. Where yesterday Surge was quite excited over the simple training with a light bulb, now he seemed harsh and dour, as if he were treating Peter like a whole other person from the one he met before...

“Fine,” Surge finally said after several tense moments. “The trainer training alongside their Pokémon is a vital part of the mutual partnership bond. This bond is highly beneficial for Jolteon's development, especially at her young age, when she needs the emotional support and guidance more than ever. I'm sure you saw it already yesterday, with how much more Jolteon can accomplish when you're there for her.

“My plan for Jolteon's overall training is a daily alternation between electricity control and physical fitness, with battle practice once a week. Today, as you might have figured, is physical fitness day. Her physical regimen is focused on cardio and building endurance, as well as agility training and situational awareness. This can be taught at the Fighting Dojo far better than I can do here, especially with all the challengers I've been getting lately.”

“And the bicycle?” Peter asked as he held up bicycle helmet and lock key. “How does this help with training?”

“It's how you're getting to Saffron City of course!” Surge said with a hearty guffaw, “but it's also for Jolteon's cardio workout too. You may be training alongside her, but there's no way I'd expect you to keep up with a Jolteon's running pace on foot, no matter how quick on your feet you are. With a bicycle, you at least stand a fighting chance to keep up.”

Considering how quickly Jolteon wanted to move on their way to the gym just before, it made sense. Satisfied with that answer at least, Peter moved on to another subject that was on his mind. “Okay then, so what do I do if I'm attacked by wild Pokémon out there? I don't think Jolteon is ready to fight them off yet.”

“Got you covered,” Surge replied as he pulled a Pokéball off his belt and tossed it to the ground.

With a pop and flash, an Elekid materialized between Lieutenant Surge and Peter. It was the same Elekid that had first battled Jolteon when Peter arrived in Vermilion City a few days earlier. The Pokémon let out a fierce growl, or tried to sound fierce insofar as it could, and flexed its small arms in a proud pose, ready for battle.

“You remember Elekid, yeah?” Surge said as he squatted down to the Elekid's level and patted the Pokémon in his head. “I have to send him to the Saffron City dojo to practice some fighting techniques, so why don't you take him with you? He'll be able to help you and Jolteon if you run into trouble on the way there.”

“So I'm an errand boy too now?” Peter asked, eyeing the proud little Elekid, while Jolteon sniffed the other Pokémon curiously. In response, Elekid made an annoyed grimace and grunted back at Jolteon, causing the latter to step back.

“Consider it at least partial compensation for everything we're doing for you. As long as you're training under me, you may as well help with some of my gym's errands,” the gym leader explained as he stood up, and turned his full attention to the Elekid at his feet. “Elekid, today your mission is to accompany Peter Sine to the Saffron City Fighting Dojo. You will also defend him to your utmost abilities if he should come under attack from wild Pokémon en-route. Is that understood?”

Like a good soldier to his commanding officer, Elekid snapped into a militaristic salute and gave Surge a sharp affirmative grunt.

“Good. Then until further notice, I transfer command of Elekid to you, Peter,” the gym leader said, satisfied by Elekid's compliance, and handed Elekid's Pokéball to Peter.

“Elekid, return,” Peter commanded as he held out the newly acquired Pokéball, and Elekid dematerialized into the sphere. Once he pocketed the Pokéball, the young man strapped the helmet on and headed for the locked bicycle, saying, “I guess I'm off to Saffron City then. Let's go Jolteon!”

“Drop Elekid off with Hideki once you get to the dojo,” Surge instructed in a louder voice as Peter stepped further away. “He'll make sure Elekid is looked after.”

Once the bicycle was unlocked ad the seat adjusted for Peter's height, he was off to the fighting dojo of Saffron City, with Jolteon running alongside.

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Shortcut Circuit

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The distance between Vermilion and Saffron City wasn't especially great. It could be comfortably walked in about two hours without interruptions, but a bicycle would cut that down to a small fraction of the time. Though the four major cities of Central Kanto; Celadon, Cerulean, Saffron and Vermilion; were all considered separate municipalities, their sheer proximity practically made them all suburbs of each other. Whether by foot, car, train, or bicycle in Peter's case, they were all easily accessible to one another. It was not at all uncommon for people to commute between the cities as Peter was doing now.

It had been some time since Peter had last made regular use of a bike for travel. Between the expansion of the Magnet Train lines, and a lack of his own Pokémon to fend off wild attacks, a bicycle just became inconvenient for anything more than travel within the city limits itself. That, and when Peter was much younger, he absolutely dreaded going on those 'family bike rides' his mother and father would joyfully insist that Peter and his brothers participate in when they wanted to cultivate some 'family time'.

Awkward childhood memories aside, travel by bicycle felt nice. You felt the wind in your face and hair as you moved, the blood was pumping through your veins as you pedaled, the scenery was always changing, anything by the road was immediately accessible to you whenever you wanted, and you were getting somewhere to boot. Additionally, you didn't have to contend with the headaches of automotive traffic nearly as much as you would in a car. It was pleasant, practical, and relatively pain-free, enough so that Peter could grudgingly appreciate why his parents liked doing it so much, and wanted to drag their kids along for it every chance they got.

Jolteon for her part seemed to love every moment of the trip. She could easily keep pace with the bicycle at every point, even at Peter's top speed on the route's straightaways. For a moment, Peter jokingly considered if Surge would let him trade in the bicycle for a motorcycle instead, just so Jolteon could have a true challenge in her runs–

A wild Abra appeared, having teleported right into the path of the bike just ahead.

“Out of the way!” Peter shouted out as he frantically rang the bell on the handlebar.

There was no time. The yellow psychic Pokémon wasn't moving, and just floated a few feet off the ground at a frightfully rapidly diminishing distance from Peter. Gritting his teeth, the young man gripped the brakes and swerved hard to avoid the oblivious Abra. In an instant, the strained wheels beneath Peter lost their grip on the path below, and the bike began to slip out from underneath him. In a sudden flash of panic, Peter clenched the brakes as hard as he could, locking the wheels in place. The bike stopped in its tracks alright, but Peter, still carrying his own formidable momentum, was flung off the bike toward a thick patch of grass at the side of the path.

“Well, damn,” Peter quickly grumbled as he was hurled through the air, letting out a grumpy sigh in the process.

Even in this moment of minor disaster, Peter Sine still had enough of his mental and motor faculties intact to tuck his limbs in and roll with the crash. The next instant he struck the ground at a shallow angle, softened by the grass, and gracelessly tumbled to a stop a few disorienting and dizzy moments later. He found himself sprawled in the grass a short distance from the bicycle he'd been thrown from, and other than a few bumps and bruises and a few grass and dirt stains on his clothes, the young man was fine. From what Peter could see from where he was, the bike was apparently fine as well, although the drive chain had jostled loose from the gears. That would be an easy fix with a few moments of attention–

A telltale blip behind Peter let him know that something had teleported in. When he turned to see, his suspicions were confirmed when he saw that same Abra hovering a few feet away, curiously eying the scene it had caused.

“Really?” Peter blurted out in an irritated voice as he picked himself up. “You couldn't have picked another place to teleport? Any place at all?”

Although he was grateful for being relatively unhurt from the crash, Peter was more annoyed at the inconvenience of it all, how one little thing caused an unnecessary and lengthy time delay on his way to Saffron City, not to mention how his clothes were messed up, and how sore some of his joints were going to be later. At the same time, this incident with the Abra reminded Peter of his father's nosy Xatu: how it would teleoprt in at random, usually at inconvenient times to check up on him when he was still living with his family.

With her ears perked up, and a touch of curiosity, Jolteon approached the nearby Abra–

A loud growl from nearby interrupted everything. Peter, Jolteon, and even the wild Abra snapped their heads toward the source.

A stocky Granbul pounced out from another nearby patch of grass, and with an angry roar, it charged at Peter and the two Pokémon next to him–

With another blip, the Abra teleport away, leaving Peter and Jolteon alone.

In a brief flash of panic, with a furious wild Pokémon closing fast, Peter clasped Elekid's Pokéball and flung it between himself and the incoming Granbul.

“Elekid, go!” the young man called out as he scrambled onto his feet.

The wild Granbul hesitated a moment when Elekid materialized in his path, giving an irritated growl at the newcomer that stood in its way. Not wasting an instant, Elekid immediately took an active stance, ready to defend Peter and Jolteon as he was ordered to.

“Low kick!” Peter sputtered, hastily remembering one of the moves the Pokémon knew.

With an affirmative grunt, Elekid dashed forward at the Grandbul before dropping into a low sweeping kick at the Pokémon's legs. The Granbul let out an angry roar when the blow connected, but didn't seem at all hurt as Elekid's kick practically bounced off his opponent's leg, only making it even angrier. In response, Granbul took a heavy swipe at the startled Elekid. The electric Pokémon bounced away with a pained wail, then landed sprawled on the ground a few feet away.

With Elekid out of the way, the wild Granbul returned its full attention to Peter again, growling and grumbling as it padded threateningly toward the young man.

“Elekid, get up! We need your help!” Peter yelled out as he took a few steps back. He began to wonder, if Elekid didn't get up in time, he might have to fight off Granbul himself. The bicycle helmet might work alright as an impromptu shield and weapon if it came to it, but–

A light crackling of electricity jarred Peter from his thoughts. The young man suddenly noticed that Jolteon had slipped beneath his vision, and had placed herself between Peter and the wild Granbul.

“Jolteon no! It's dangerous!” he called out in a sudden rush of panic. There was no way the little yellow Pokémon was anywhere near ready for a battle, not yet, not against this Granbul.

Despite Peter's warning though, Jolteon dashed ahead at Granbul anyway. Yet rather than 'attacking' per-se, Jolteon simply dashed and jumped all around Granbul, uttering a series of yips and small barks. Jolteon wasn't fighting, Peter realized, she was playing. Whatever the case, Granbul was thoroughly distracted by the little yellow flash bouncing all around it, and did its best to remove Jolteon. She so easily outmaneuvered and outran the bulkier wild Pokémon though, as long as she didn't lose focus, Peter supposed she could probably keep the Granbul occupied indefinitely–

No. Every second this went on put Jolteon at risk. It would only be a matter of time before the probabilities played out, a mistake would be made, and catastrophe result. That being the case, Peter had to minimize the time spent now, and he made a decision.

His brow lowered into a determined gaze, and his stance became firm and full of purpose. Peter Sine held out the Pokéball Surge gave him earlier, and ordered in a clear voice, “Elekid, return!” In response, the confused and disoriented Elekid looked up momentarily before he was dematerialized back into his ball.

“Just keep Granbul occupied for a few more seconds, Joltoen!” Peter ordered as he rushed toward the fallen bicycle.

Jolteon didn't seem to acknowledge Peter's order one way or another, but continued to play and tease with the furious wild Granbul regardless. In any case, it bought enough time for Peter to get to the bike and get to work. As he guessed, it was just a simple matter of feeding the loose drive chain back into the pedal gear's teeth. Once the chain was seated, he gave the wheel a quick spin to make sure everything was still aligned. It spun flawlessly: good.

And just like that, it was done. It only took a few seconds, but it would have been impossible while under attack from the wild Granbul. With his work finished, Peter mounted the bicycle, called out to his still playfully teasing Pokémon, “Okay Joltoen, let's go!” and began to drive off along the path once more.

As soon as Jolteon saw that Peter was underway again, she abandoned the game with Granbul and happily resumed running alongside Peter, leaving the wild Pokémon in her dust.

Between his sleepless night, hungry morning, and unexpectedly dangerous commute, the day was not off to a good start. That being said, it also wasn't complete disaster, not yet at least. Peter could only hope that his upcoming time at the Fighting Dojo would be time well spent, and worth the trouble today was putting him through.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX​

Wow, that was a short chapter.

This was originally meant to be the first part of a much larger chapter, but I know some of my chapters have dragged on a while, and could potentially make reading them a bit of a chore. So this is my way of trying out something to alleviate that. Also, at least for my chapter writing, they have to meet a requirement that each chapter has a self-contained arc of its own; a small-scale exposition/rising action, climax, and dénouement/resolution; a beginning, middle and end. Once I finished this part, I felt it could reasonably meet my personal criteria and still act as a transition piece. I also hope this chapter, with more hints of backstory/background, also begins to shift narrative gears from Jolteon herself, to Peter, as that's where the next major point of development will be.

Speaking of, I've noticed several stories that run long on this site group chapters by "Arc". I may try that out later once different phases of development become more clear in the story. For the time being though, I'll stick to simply the chapters; there's few enough of them at the moment I think

Thanks to everyone who's been sticking by this story as it continues to develop and grow! Your responses, feedback and reactions have been an utter boon to the creative process, and I hope to hear back from everyone again soon!

Edit Notes 01/16/2018:
Cleaned up formatting issues/typos. Tweaked narration a bit here and there. No major content changes.

 

[Beth Pavell]

A nosy, teleporting pokémon, terrible thing for a growing lad to have to cope with

Technical Accuracy/Style
I think I saw maybe two nitpicky punctuation errors there - only significant at all because there are usually none. Generally a bit more slimmed-down this chapter, which isn't a bad thing once in a while

Story
Related the Style point above, the pacing was better here. I tend to plan in terms of arcs even if I don't publish that way - it's a useful tool for keeping the pacing of the overall story straight and avoiding meandering in the narrative. I quite liked the little subversion with the Granbull there, with Peter simply ignoring it rather than trying to turn it into a pivotal battle for Jolteon

Setting
I have to reluctantly admit that a pencil sketch of Route 6 is actually quite necessary here. I'm usually bothered by settlements in pokémon fanfic being so damn close to one another - but the fact that you acknowledge the urban sprawl and make note of the implications takes the edge off it. It's not really something I've seen before

Characters
I still like that pokémon get disciplined in this story. Bit more flesh on Peter's bones here. He's growing into something more of a character here, something I daresay I've spoken about in greater detail before. It's the incidental details and memories that strictly speaking don't "add" anything to the immediate plot that will sell it.

Final Thoughts
I'll be interested to see where you're going with this. There's a change of gear here, but does that mean a departure from training montage chapters soon?

 

[chaos_Leader]

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Step-up and Transform

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“Well, we made it,” Peter observed dryly as he locked the bike just outside the Saffron City Fighting Dojo.

After the harrowing incident with an Abra and Granbul, the rest of the commute was thankfully uneventful. Running into wild Pokémon after Surge's Elekid was weakened could have ended badly. So it was with great relief, though not outwardly obvious given his reserved nature, that Peter Sine approached the Fighting Dojo with Jolteon at his heels.

Peter didn't know a lot about the Dojo itself, only what he learned from hearsay. What he did know was that it used to be Saffron City's official League Gym until a little over ten years ago, when the Psychic facility next door was refurbished as a gym. Even so, the Dojo would still occasionally play host to high-profile exhibition matches, and was also used as a specialized training venue, the latter of which was what brought Peter here today.

In stark contrast to the highly urbanized downtown of Saffron City where it stood, the Fighting Dojo was a fresh breath of rustic serenity. The entire block where it resided was free of any large buildings, and was instead reserved entirely for the walled Dojo compound and its surrounding gardens. The short gravel path just inside the outer gate leading up to the front door of the main building was lined with statues depicting many fighting-type Pokémon, with Machamp and the Hitmon family among the more prominent. The main Dojo building itself was a wide, perfectly symmetrical structure built out of sturdy wood, with a large sweeping roof that hung out over the outer walls: a fine example of traditional Kanto-style architecture.

A few moments later and Peter was at the large wooden double door at the front of the Dojo, with a pair of heavy iron knockers crafted in the shape of Primape fastened to the outside.

“Well, here goes nothing,” Peter muttered as he lifted one of the knockers with an aside glance to Jolteon, who just looked back with her head tilted to one side. Then the young man used the knocker on the door, which resonated with a deep thud!

After a few seconds of waiting, the door creaked open, revealing a stern faced middle-aged Kantonese man wearing a traditional loose-fitting fighting uniform.

“Excuse me, I'm looking for Hideki,” Peter said.

“I am he,” the man answered curtly. “You must be Surge's new pupil, Peter Sine?”

“Yes, I was told you'd arranged a fitness regimen for Jolteon and I,” Peter answered, gesturing to the Jolteon at his feet. The Pokémon didn't seem to be paying much attention, and just scratched herself behind her ear.

“Correct,” Hideki confirmed with a firm nod, “but first, you have Surge's Elekid.” At that he held out his hand expectantly, waiting.

Peter complied promptly, handing the Poké ball to Hideki after he fished it out of his pocket. Once he had it, Hideki released Elekid on the ground next to the two. The Pokémon however was still severely weakened from the run-in with Granbul earlier. Instead of his usual vigor, Elekid simply lay slumped face-down, unable to move.

“What's the meaning of this?” Hideki demanded, shooting Peter a disapproving scowl.

“Surge told me to use Elekid if I ran into any trouble on the road getting here,” Peter hastily explained, “Seems it was more than Elekid could handle.”

“Perhaps, or more than you could handle,” Hideki said as he returned Elekid to his Poké ball with a sigh, “Nevertheless, this Elekid is clumsy and inexperienced, which is why he is sent here for practice and training; similarly with you, it would seem.”

The older martial artist turned and stepped into the Dojo's entrance, with Peter following close behind.

“Now hold on just a min–” feeling unjustly insulted, Peter attempted to explain the situation on the road earlier, but was cut off.

“Katsuo! Shinobu!” Hideki called out in a loud clear shout.

Almost immediately, two younger men arrived, both of whom were in similar simple training uniforms as Hideki. The old master handed Elekid's Poké ball to one of the students, while the other presented Peter with a neatly folded training uniform of his own.

“Change, then we will continue,” Hideki instructed, motioning toward a nearby folding privacy screen.

For the time being, Peter would just have to let that jab at him slide, and do as was expected. He accepted the uniform from the student, and went to change.

The uniform consisted only of a loose pair of pants and a jacket, secured with a cloth belt. It was made of of light, sturdy material, fitted loosely, as not to hinder movement during training drills and sparring. It felt comfortable enough to Peter once he'd changed, and would work well for the training he was expecting. He couldn't help but feel a little exposed though, without his pockets and belt full of his familiar multitool, mobile phone, wallet and other everyday necessities. Never mind how absolutely helpless his bare feet felt, being outside the safety of the heavy steel-toed boots he was so used to wearing.

Once changed into the training uniform, and all of his personal clothes and belongings secured in one of the lockers, Peter returned to Hideki, who'd been waiting patiently.

“Follow me,” the older martial artist instructed as he turned and entered further into the Dojo.

The main floor was a large column-lined square, taking up almost the entire size of the building. The center of the main chamber was occupied by the battle floor. Despite rigorous adherence to traditional building materials, there were certain key features that Peter noticed. Most importantly were a number of containment field and barrier generators placed around the central battle floor. It would be necessary for a major battle venue like this, considering how heated Pokémon battles can sometimes get, and the relative fragility of traditional wooden architecture. It just wouldn't do to have to rebuild the Dojo every time a major battle was hosted.

Though the main battle floor was unoccupied for now, the areas surrounding it played host to a small number of trainers and their Pokémon as they practiced. The Pokémon of course practiced against each other, but the trainers practiced hand-to-hand against one another as well. In at least in a few cases, Peter could see some trainers sparring with Pokémon.

Hideki led Peter past them though, and took the young man to a room off to one side. The room was a completely empty square space, about twenty feet across with a bamboo mat floor. The young man had a pretty good idea what the room was meant to be used for, and sure enough...

“You will fight me hand-to-hand, any way you like,” Hideki stated bluntly.

“Right now?” Peter asked, a little confused. “Just like that?”

“It is how I will assess you, and how I will then decide by what method to train you.”

“You can't just ask me, or don't you have something already laid out?”

“Words, questions and answers, are fickle things; vague impressions at best. They are subject to whim, to personal motives, and to individual interpretation,” Hideki explained. “Your actions, your choices, how you respond under threat are all absolute and unambiguous answers. Therefore, you will fight me, and I will assess you.”

Suddenly the older master dropped into a sturdy looking fighting stance, and called out, “Prepare yourself!”

Jolteon jumped between them and started to build up a charge, glaring at Hideki feircely. It was as if the young Pokémon was trying to defend Peter from a threat.

“Stay back girl,” Peter instructed, and stepped forward past Jolteon. “This is something I need to do myself.”

And just like that, Peter Sine went into a simple boxer's stance and began sparring with Hideki. In the past, Peter used to train a little in boxing, more for the physical fitness aspects than for actual fighting. Still, it was the best he had, so it was what he used.

For the most part, Peter kept his defenses up and his feet moving to always face his opponent, to always be aware of Hideki's position and possible moves. He generally waited for Hideki to make the first move, but even so, it felt like Hideki's 'attacks' were more like experimental prods than blows with any true intent to hurt, or even defeat. Peter's own exploratory jabs were all deflected with ease, but that was kind of the point. He wanted to see what kind of defense Hideki would put up in the face of a standard attack, wanted to see the movements he made, so Peter could come up with something...

Peter jabbed with his left again, and followed up with a right hook, which Hideki easily deflected downward. Instead of backing off and putting the defense up again though, Peter instead kept the momentum of the right hook going. Peter pressed the attack forward, redirected his right forearm inward to form a close elbow-strike, and placed the foot he used to step forward behind Hideki's own. Between the shock of the elbow-strike, the force behind Peter's aggressive positioning, and the clever footwork to create a tipping point, he had caught the master off-balance, or so it seemed.

Rather than fall backward, Hideki took the sudden rearward momentum Peter had thrust upon him and performed an impressive backward somersault, landing right on his feet.

From that point on, Hideki stepped up his game. His prodding experimental strikes were replaced now by swift feints and brutal counterattacks. Every punch Peter threw was dodged or deflected, and returned with a counter blow. Thankfully Hideki never actually fully connected his attacks, and instead stopped his blows just before contact. Though Peter was never hurt, he knew each of Hideki's successful attacks would have been painful and effective.

It was frustrating for Peter, since he felt woefully unprepared even for a simple 'assessment' as Hideki called it. How was he supposed to show his best qualities through a hand-to-hand brawl versus a master martial artist when he himself was never formally trained for such things? For that matter, this was supposed to be the start of a fitness regimen, not an induction into some kung-fu cult. It was all starting to feel like a waste of time–

“Stop,” Hideki said suddenly, holding out his hand. “I have made my assessment.”

“And what does it say?” Peter asked, straining a polite tone to conceal his cynicism.

“You are sound of judgment, with a keen sense of awareness,” the older martial artist stated bluntly. “Your reflexes are sharp, and you have considerable strength. You are also a careful planner, as well as insightful and inventive.”

“Thanks?” Peter replied meekly.

“However,” Hideki continued quickly, “you are extremely hesitant and indecisive, unwilling to commit to attacks or counterattacks, easily thrown off by basic confusion tactics. This indecisiveness, as well as your relative inexperience, makes you fight like a clumsy bumbling oaf. Your inventiveness only shows when you have had time to deliberate the situation, and form a complete plan in advance; time you will seldom have in battle. With training though, you could become a force to be reckoned with, of this I have no doubt.”

“So what you're basically saying is, 'I'm an awkward mess with great potential',” Peter scoffed, rolling his eyes, “Not like I haven't heard that line a hundred times now.”

It was like a broken record to Peter by this point, simple 'fortune cookie wisdom' that everyone and their mother spouted about hidden potential. It was the kind of dribble that everyone gets told to help motivate them, that 'everyone is special', that 'anything is possible with a little hard work'. It wasn't motivating or inspirational: it was belittling, condescending, patronizing and quite frankly, insulting.

“If I may ask, is your mind in conflict?” Hideki questioned quite calmly.

It seemed like he had a point to make, so Peter humored him. “Suppose it is?”

“If you are comfortable answering, I would ask the subject of your conflict.”

“It's Jolteon,” Peter answered quickly, pointing to the small yellow Pokémon in question. After a second he realized that the answer was a little too sudden, and wasn't quite right, prompting him to adjust it. “I mean, it's what everyone is doing for me because of Jolteon.”

“Can you elaborate?” Hideki pressed, tilting his head in interest.

“It's like, because I have an exceptionally powerful Pokémon, and I'm not a total idiot, I'm expected to train her to the full extent of her capabilities,” Peter rambled, no quite sure if he was wording his concerns the way he wanted to. “It's not enough for that she simply be safe and happy: everyone wants to see her reach her maximum potential, and see how I handle her.”

“Do you not want to train Jolteon?” Hideki asked.

“I do, but...” Peter let out a sigh through gritted teeth, “If I'm going to be honest, this whole Dojo excursion seems superfluous and unnecessary for my training purposes, for what I need.”

“Explain.”

“I went to the Vermilion gym to train Jolteon,” Peter insisted, pointing a firm finger at her. “How exactly does my learning how to fight in this Dojo benefit her?”

At this, Hideki paused a moment. Then he took a deep breath, and let it out very slowly, before beginning a calm an deliberate clarification. “Studying and practicing martial arts is not the same as merely learning how to fight. To train, whether it is a martial art or your own Pokémon, is to first train Internally: your mind, your spirit, your own life-force. Then you train Externally: the health of your body, your reflexes, coordination and awareness of surroundings. By training yourself both internally and externally, by developing a clear harmony between mind, body and spirit, you will become better prepared to train and guide others, like your Jolteon. It is true that such training and study benefits you first and foremost, but as Jolteon's trainer, what benefits you will benefit her by extension, and any other Pokémon you train.”

“But is it really necessary?” Peter asked, still skeptical. “Do I need to develop all my mind, body, spirit, life-force things to be ready to train Jolteon?”

“It is my belief that it is absolutely necessary,” Hideki said as a firm, certain answer. “Jolteon may gain control of her powers, but she is still a child, in need of parenting and guidance. If left to her own devices, will she gain control over her desires, her impulses, her willfulness? Will she continue to trust your judgment and guidance as she grows? If you are uncertain and indecisive, Jolteon will decide on her own, and her decisions may not align with what you want, or even what's best for herself. That will cause... problems.”

Peter was reminded of Jolteon's likely thieving habits, as well as her struggle with her fear...

“For many trainers, it takes a very long time and much hardship for them to learn this lesson on their own,” Hideki continued. “In my Dojo however, it is the very first lesson I teach: a fundamental foundation.”

“Yeah well, I think I've had my fill of 'hardship' already–” Peter cut himself off, realizing he let that slip, and became a little annoyed at himself. “I don't think I need this lesson for me.”

“I see,” Hideki said quietly as he lowered head, “I will not train you if you do not wish to be trained. Likewise, you should not train Jolteon if you do not wish to train her.”

“But that's the thing,” Peter corrected hastily. “I do want to train Jolteon, but I'm not sure I need all this extra training everyone wants to push on me.”

“Why, Peter, is this such a significant conflict in your mind?” Hideki asked much more sternly now, eyeing the young man with a relentless gaze. “Do you know the root source? Is it the 'hardship' you referred to, perhaps?”

“It's... something I don't talk about, from my past...” Peter admitted, but without giving any more information. Bringing up that incident from years ago always made things incredibly awkward, hanging over conversations like a rumbling storm cloud once they knew. He preferred not to think about it at all if he could help it. “If it's alright with you, I want some time to think it over.”

“Of course,” Hideki said with an understanding nod. “Feel free to use our training room, or the meditation gardens outside the Dojo. Take the time you need to contemplate, but return to me once you have arrived at a decision.”

“Thank you...” Peter said, relieved Hideki didn't press the issue, and he turned to leave, “let's go, Jolteon.”

“One more thing before you leave,” the martial artist interrupted, just before Peter was out of the room. “Surge tells me you are a musician, correct?”

“I suppose I am,” the young man confirmed with a shrug.

“In musical terms, what does it mean to be in harmony?” Hideki asked.

“Harmony: it's when two or more different tones play at the same time, and the waveforms interact in such a way that they reinforce and build upon each other, producing a clearer, more robust sound,” Peter explained easily, as these concepts were second-nature to him, part of both his musical and technical skill-set. “It's a result of what's called 'Constructive Interference' in more technical terms.”

“And when in disharmony?”

“Thats dissonance: when the waveforms of two or more tones don't align well at all, break each other down, producing a grating, unpleasant, weaker sound. It's likewise a product of 'Destructive Interference'.”

“Is harmony desired?” Hideki added as a follow-up.

“Harmony is a lot more pleasant to hear, and dissonant tones really grind on the ears after a while. In short bursts though, a moment of dissonance that resolves to a solid harmony can be really satisfying to listen to. There's more advanced theory I could go into, but–”

Hideki held up a hand in the 'stop' gesture, cutting Peter's in-depth explanation off. When the older master spoke, he took a more somber tone. “The answer to my question is not meant for me. It is something you must contemplate on your own.”

Peter was beginning to accept that there was a lot on his mind, more than he cared to share for now, with Hideki watching every little twitch and putting words in his mouth. So he simply told the older man, “I'll be back soon.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX​

Being away from the prying eyes of Hideki was an utter relief for Peter, and it gave him a chance to check on Elekid, if for no other purpose than to take his mind off things for a few moments, let his thoughts settle. After asking around, Peter soon found Surge's Elekid in another training room, shared among several similarly young Pokémon. To his surprise, Peter found Elekid practicing with a Riolu, of all things.

Riolu, a small mostly blue bipedal canid Pokémon, were rare in Kanto, but not unheard of, particularly for trainers with a flare for the exotic. In Peter's limited experience, the few trainers of Riolu Peter had met all came across as little more than arrogant, self-important braggarts. They seemed overly interested in showing off their rare Pokémon, and couldn't wait to evolve it into a 'badass' Lucario. Peter had never actually seen the fully evolved form in person, and he could only guess the afore-mentioned empty-headed braggarts never managed to evolve the Riolu they were so very proud of.

In the bout between Riolu and Elekid that Peter found them in, Elekid couldn't seem to land a single blow. Every punch and kick the rowdy little electric type used were sidestepped and dodged by Riolu with ease. For a second, Peter was reminded of his own woefully one-sided fight against Hideki, how unprepared he was to take on someone that skilled. It was a similarly dire situation here: no matter how much Elekid tried, no matter how fast he moved, Riolu was simply that much quicker. The little blue fighting type Pokémon actually looked rather bored to be fighting against Elekid.

With an enraged grunt, Elekid threw a powerful uppercut, which finally connected, knocking Riolu clean off its feet–

The attack missed. Riolu hadn't been struck by an uppercut at all, and had simply leapt into kicking counterattack that hit Elekid square in his face. Elekid tumbled back with a yelp of pain, collapsing in a heap at Peter's feet, and nearly startled Jolteon. Riolu finished the attack in a graceful backflip, landing on its feet with no trouble. With a huff, the blue Pokémon crossed its arms, and sneered down its nose at its defeated opponent.

“You okay Elekid?” Peter asked, kneeling down next to the fallen Pokémon.

Elekid pushed himself to his feet, snarling at the little blue fighting-type, hungry for another fight. Riolu leered back at Elekid, and turned its back with a dismissive wave. Elekid nearly had a fit of outrage at that, being snubbed like it was nothing.

“Figures,” Peter muttered. This Riolu was demonstrating all the sour arrogant qualities which made this kind of Pokémon leave a bad taste in his mouth.

“Riolu, apologize to Elekid at once,” a young woman's voice said from nearby.

The woman who spoke stepped in next to the haughty Riolu. She was dressed in the Dojo's training uniform, similar to the one Peter and others here were wearing, and her long brown hair was tied back in tight ponytail. Riolu looked up at the young woman, tilting its head with questioning look, as if to ask 'why?'

“It doesn't matter that you have more skill and experience, that's no reason to be rude,” the woman calmly insisted. Her tone and demeanor were gentle, but with a subtle hard edge beneath it. “Elekid is here to train, to learn, to grow stronger just like you. So please, instead of putting him down, help him practice and get stronger.”

Riolu gave a weary look at the offended Elekid, and let out a reluctant sigh as it bowed in a gesture of humility. Elekid simply stuck out his tongue and pouted, unsatisfied by Riolu's half-hearted apology. The little blue fighting-type rolled its eyes at the insult, and looked back at the woman with an indignant 'I told you so' expression.

“Come on Elekid, don't be like that,” Peter groaned, rubbing his forehead in minor frustration. “Riolu was at least trying to apologize.”

“Oh, I'm sorry,” the young woman said meekly as she approached Peter. “Is this your Elekid?”

“He's Lieutenant Surge's Elekid, from the Vermilion Gym, and there's no need to apologize. I'm looking after him, sort of,” Peter explained, and extended his hand as he remembered to introduced himself, “I'm Peter Sine.”

“Pleased to meet you,” she reciprocated politely, returning the handshake Peter offered. “I'm Helena Cobalt–” Helena was interrupted when Jolteon jumped up and propped herself up on the woman's leg, looking up at her with wide begging eyes.

“Oh! Why hello there,” Helena greeted as she pet Jolteon, giving the Pokémon the affection and attention she was begging for.

“Sorry about that,” Peter said, nervously rubbing the back of his head. “She's my Pokémon.”

“You don't have to apologize for her: she's just young,” Helena assured, and scratched behind her ears, eliciting a pleased squeal from Jolteon. “She's such a beautiful Jolteon, and so friendly too.”

“Thanks...” that's when Peter noticed that Helena's Riolu had stepped up, and was watching him closely, not taking its eyes off the young man at all. “What is it? Is there something on my face?” Peter asked the staring little fighting-type Pokémon.

Riolu just shook its head, then touched a paw to Helena and looked up at her to get her attention. Once the young woman turned to see what her Riolu wanted, the little fighting-type looked back to Peter again, with a look of concern that was mirrored in Helena as well.

“Um, is everything alright?” Helena asked, “You seem confused, preoccupied.”

Dammit.

Peter knew Riolu could have minor empathic capabilities, similar in some ways to psychic-types. He really didn't appreciate this sort of mental prying, and the young man silently let Riolu know so. It should be able to feel the disapproval quite clearly, since Peter made sure to emphasize it in his thoughts. If growing up in a house with a nosy psychic-type had taught him anything, it was how to communicate to an empath clearly without words or outward cues.

Riolu didn't seemed fazed by Peter's bitterness at all. The little blue fighting responded with a simple nod, and looked back up to Helena. At the same time it sent Peter a feeling of skepticism, like it somehow knew better...

“I've... just got a lot on my mind,” Peter confessed, catching Helena's interest. “Heck, I don't even know what I'm doing here: going to this dojo, wearing this bizarre kung-fu getup. It all seems... unnecessary.”

“Then, why are you here?” Helena asked curious.

Peter went on to explain his situation with Jolteon, how she suddenly evolved, and how he was determined to train her. Then he summed up what he and Jolteon have done so far at the Vermilion Gym. Helena was easy to talk to for Peter: she listened politely to everything Peter had to say, and encouraged him to go on, even when he felt a little embarrassed at some points. She didn't make him feel silly or inadequate, or pass scathing judgment. Helena simply listened and let Peter say what he wanted to, all the way to the end.

“So I agreed to train Jolteon according to Surge's instructions,” Peter said, finishing up his recap of the last few days, “but I think he's taking this whole thing a little overboard, like he expects me to be the next big ace trainer or something.”

“I'm sure he has his reasons for sending you here,” Helena assured.

“Yeah, well, I'm starting to think I might not like those reasons,” Peter grumbled, more suspicious of the gym leader now.

“I don't know if it'll put things in perspective for you, but I understand what you're going through. It was very similar when I first started training Riolu:” Helena admitted, motioning toward her stoic fighting-type, “I was so confused, at a complete loss, a total wreck.”

“That bad?” Peter said in a questioning tone, “but you both seem so suited to each other.”

“Maybe, but we sure didn't start off that way, isn't that right Riolu?” she asked her Pokémon.

Riolu gave a weary sigh and nodded in agreement, and Helena continued, her words heavy with hard experience. “He needs so much attention, and such rigorous daily practice. Fighting and martial arts is something I was never inclined to do in the first place, and I didn't think I could do it for Riolu. For some time, I seriously considered giving up Riolu to a trainer more suited to his temperament and needs, so he might be happier.”

“But here you are, still with Riolu, and wearing a the whole kung-fu getup to boot,” Peter observed.

“It was so hard for me when I first started my training with Riolu. I was afraid I wasn't up to the challenge, that I might hurt someone, or that Riolu would get out of hand and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. In the end though, I learned so much, and not just about training Riolu and martial arts. I discovered aspects hidden within myself I never thought were there...”

Helena assumed a fighting stance, matched by Riolu, then both launched into a series of attack and defense maneuvers. Everything they did –every sweeping kick, every quick punch and every swift counterstrike– all flowed seamlessly together in a captivating display of grace and prowess. It was impossible to tell where one move ended and the next began. During this, Peter couldn't help but notice how beautiful Helena was when she moved: it was flowing poise, tempered by a sharp fierceness, and it was good.

She and Riolu soon ended their brief demonstration in a saluting stance, accompanied by a small formal bow. Peter was left speechless by the spectacle, Elekid and Jolteon were in a similar state of awe.

“I don't know if it'll help you make your decision, but I can tell you my experience stepping out of my comfort zone was absolutely invaluable. It was hard, and still is, but I have no regrets,” Helena said with a calm confidence. “I also have a feeling that, if you walk away from this, you'd spend a very long time wondering 'what if?' and that it would tear you up inside far more than if you had tried and failed.”

Riolu gave Peter another look, and projected a feeling the young man could only call a dare, or a challenge. Somehow the spiteful little fighting-type could already tell that challenging his vanity was an effective motivator. How much was this little blue furball reading into Peter's mind anyway? He didn't know whether to be impressed, or infuriated. Riolu for his part was simply amused, and projected an air smugness right into Peter's mind.

As long as this Riolu was trespassing in his mind, Peter decided he'd form a very specific, very deliberate thought for him to chew on,“We'll see how clever you are when Jolteon zaps your smug little butt in battle.”

Then something happened that Peter didn't expect: he got a response, “bring it on, chump.”

“Oh, its on,” Peter grumbled aloud, fighting the sudden urge to give any other outward cues. Riolu didn't need any to get the point, and there was no need to–

“Did you say something, Peter?” Helena asked.

“Uh,” Peter said, embarrassed that she heard that, “I mean, thanks for your help!”

As the young man turned and left the training room with Jolteon on his heels, he could feel Riolu giggling in his head.

“Keep it up, and we'll see who has the last laugh,” Peter added as parting words.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX​

Peter returned to the training room where Hideki was. The older master was sitting in meditation as he waited, and barely glanced up as Peter approached.

“So, you have made your decision,” Hideki stated bluntly.

Peter sat down opposite Hideki in the same meditative stance, saying, “I would be honored to train under you, so that my mind, my body and my spirit may be in harmony, that I may better train Jolteon.”

Hideki gave Peter an intense scrutinizing look as he considered, and replied, “there is no hesitation in your voice, and I sense none in your demeanor. I accept you as my student, Peter Sine.”

“Thank you for the opportunity,” Peter said, bowing his head.

“Now that I have committed to training you, the next step is to determine how to do it: what style you will learn,” Hideki stated as he stood up, and began pacing through the training room. “It can be a style that shores up your weaknesses, plays to your strengths, sharpens your mind, or even all of them at once...”

Jolteon bounded up and joined Hideki in his restless pacing, scampering at the martial artist's heels.

“With Jolteon in mind, what do you think would be best for me?” Peter asked.

“Hm...” Hideki stopped a moment and took a good hard look at Jolteon. At this the Pokémon sat back and tilted her head: an expression Peter came to know as slight confusion. After a few more moments, Hideki gave his summary, looking back and forth between Peter and Jolteon. “Jolteon is exceptionally quick to react to most threats, but you are hesitant and indecisive, which will only hinder Jolteon's natural swiftness. I believe you should learn to be quick yourself to best make use of Jolteon's quickness in battle. If not quickness of the body, then at least quickness of the mind and spirit, to be aware and alert, swift to decide and absolute in your communication.”

“So how will I do that?” Peter asked as he stood up, eager to begin.

“I could train you in such a way as to break down your hesitation, force you into a straightforward and aggressive style –your strong build would be suited to it– but it would undermine your natural heightened awareness, cleverness, and defensive leanings.” Hideki shook his head with a grunt, explaining, “it is a mindset more suited to a bruiser, and would encourage Jolteon to be more reckless and foolhardy by extension. No, we can't have that...”

Hideki took a moment to consider things, and stepped slowly around Peter. He stopped after a few seconds and looked up, saying, “It's unusual, but I think I have another idea...”

The martial artist assumed a rather bizarre looking stance, at least as far as Peter knew of fighting stances. Hideki leaned somewhat back, which placed all his weight on his rear foot, with his forward foot extended in front. His arms were likewise forward, with elbows tucked close to his chest. As far as Peter could tell, it looked like an impractical, unbalanced pose, unsuited for combat.

“Match this stance if you can: observe the placement of my feet and hips closely, and replicate it,” Hideki instructed, and then added, “it will feel highly unnatural and uncomfortable at first.”

“Okay...” Peter replied as he did his best to copy the stance.

Sure enough, getting into the stance felt exceptionally odd. How did Hideki expect Peter to be able to effectively fight and train with all his weight on one foot? He felt like he could topple over at the slightest touch.

“This is a basic stance of the 'Tempered Blade' style...” then Hideki launched into a demonstration of the style as he explained. “Tempered Blade makes use of a highly adaptable set of stances. The style focuses on balance, control, efficiency and adaptability. Though difficult to learn at first, it offers the capacity to react to virtually any incoming threat, while concealing your own capabilities from your opponent until necessary.”

As Hideki demonstrated, Peter saw how the awkward-looking basic stance flowed into other stances, how the movement to and from stances was combined with attack, defense, and counterattack. It wasn't meant to be a stance to stay in for fighting, but merely a starting point that can go in virtually any direction.

“This will be the basis for the style I will train you in,” Hideki announced as he ceased his demonstration, “I believe it suits your mentality well, and will greatly benefit you in other areas of training.”

“Sounds good,” Peter said in a dry, but interested tone.

“Then let us begin.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX​

And there we have it! Dojo training begins!

This is the second part of that "much larger chapter" the previous chapter was going to be apart of. As you could probably tell, this is pretty long, but hopefully not too dull. Also, focus is now shifting a bit away from Jolteon, and shedding a bit more light on Peter himself as a character.

As always, your feedback is always welcome, and I look forward to hearing from you all!

Edit Notes 01/16/2018:
Cleaned up typos and formatting, not much change in content.

 

[kintsugi]

Heyo, been meaning to drop a review here since, uh, the Summer Awards when I started reading this. Heh. Oops.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The first few chapters had me hooked, honestly, but I'm trying to pin down exactly where/why and I can't really say. Something about the initial premise and focus of your story (ie it's not the ten/thirteen/whatever year-old kid waking up on the first day of their journey which is totes gonna change the world) definitely piqued my interest, and it became fairly clear that you knew your electrical stuff, or at least from my limited understanding of what are wires. Yay real science! Honestly, I really enjoyed your worldbuilding--focusing on little things like how a radio guy might have a Magneton to do wave-y things, or how a company might have a Pokemon tournament instead of a team basketball game or whatever, made your story a lot more approachable and interesting, and that was awesome! There were the barest hints of some future conflict--maybe Peter's gonna be a trainer; legendary birds running amok; Gym Leader is missing psyche it isn't Giovanni tho--but the quaint feel of a "this is how real life could plausibly function if we had steady access to apocalypse-monsters" is always nice.

Also, Jolteon was freaking adorable. This was everything I wanted to see in an Eevee starter played right (not just that she's cute, but also all of the unintended consequences/the part where you talk about how her lack of control stems from never being an Electric-type, etc). The fact that she likes playing fetch is too much can't handle gahhhh she's literally just like my puppy, down to accidentally destroying things ahahaha

Anyway, awesome intro chapters, definitely kept me reading.

DEEPER PLOT THINGS

I expected that this would eventually turn into a training fic, especially once people kept mentioning that Jolteon and Peter have this magical bond (one thing I didn't really get, seeing as they'd met for, like, a day), but the segue was done pretty well. I also like that you had Peter actually antagonizing about leaving his job and such, as most trainers kind of leave home and never look back. Eyyy for more realism.

One of the most interesting parts by far was the sciencey Pokemon bits, like the secondary nervous system in Electric-types, or Jolteon living in packs and healing each other (although I imagine wild Jolteon would be pretty rare given a dearth of Thunder Stones, but idk). These were all really, really cool worldbuilding bits that I absolutely loved reading. Having the Gym Leaders being competent at things other than battling was also pretty awesome. I wasn't entirely sold on Surge being so dead-set on helping out this random guy a professor through his way, but hey, the plot demanded it and it worked out pretty cleanly, so I'll bite.

Overall, really intesesting stuff, and looking forward to seeing how it develops.

GRAMMAR AND THINGS

Random typos and unfinished sentences here and there. Gotta look out for them.

Also, one thing that I kept seeing a lot: when you're addressing someone, you need to offset their name with a comma. Like:
"Let's eat grandma."
Means we should be cannibals.
"Let's eat, Grandma."
Means we're taking our matriarch out to lunch

I think you need to capitalize the "A" in "A Journey of Rediscovery" in your title because it comes after a colon. Not sure, but it looks weird right now.

STYLIN'

Pretty solid throughout. You like to "tell" a lot of things when you do a great job of "showing" two paragraphs later (ie, in one of the recent chapters, something something "Peter has a great eye for detail" when the next two paragraphs are great examples demonstrating Peter's eye for detail"), which seemed strange, but overall it was workable prose that functioned well without being remarkable. Which, uh, sounds really bad but isn't--your focus isn't on crazy flower words, so having a pretty solid prose-style here seems fine.

Random aside I had here, but Peter's conversation with Hideki (the one that ran like "what is harmony" / "oh, [explanation] / "and what is not-harmony" / "yeah, [explanation]" / "and why is that important" / "yup, [explanation]" / "and how can you not see that this is a very obvious metaphor even after I just praised your fighting style for being super-perceptive") was kind of weird, for that reason.

RANDOM DEETS

A couple of things I noticed in the story that didn't fit anywhere else:

The dream sequence with the Vaporeon-Peter/Flareon-Peter is an interesting touch, but when they all started fighting with their multitools it was a little jarring. Like, Peter has either hardcore decided to kill himself (his doppleganger?) with a four-inch knife, or he's going to tweezer a burning effigy to death. Either way, I felt like the seriousness of the situation got a little lost when you went into "Peter pulled out his multitool and so did the other Peters."

^elemental bird foreshadowing tho

Also a random worldbuilding detail, but as someone who spent a lot of time getting trained in a dojo for fighting, uh. I probably didn't get trained by a world-class master like Hideki, but it's rare for an instructor to actively teach a style to a student. Like. The instructor can tell the student "yo I notice that you're good at trapping opponents 'cause you're so perceptive," but one of the core tenants of sparring-fighting (at least the kind that I learned) was for the student to discover the style that fit most closely with them. The instructor was more of an observer, giving the student another pair of eyes, an outsider's perspective, and obviously years of training, but it is rarely the instructor's goal to flat-out pick the student's style. Especially on day one, lol.

Definitely a fan of your Riolu characterization as a species, heh.



ONE-SENTENCE OVERALL IMPRESSIONS

Love it so far, especially when you make Pokemon and science try to match, and looking forward to more.

 

[0bs1d1an_kn1ght]

@chaos_Leader I'm not much for reviewing, but here's my small review for chapter 1:

-My biggest problem was I spotted a couple punctuation errors throughout the chapter. If you want I could reread the chapter and give you examples. However, the problem itself isn't really all that big or bothersome, and they didn't really dissuade me from reading the chapter, so they can be ignored.

-I don't really expect a lot of characterization from the first chapter of anything anyways, but I think I have a small grasp on these characters. Peter so far feels somewhat reserved to me, but he doesn't let it get in the way of his maintenance work; his boss, on the other hand, seems like a very hardy man, being in the business longer than MC, I think he takes a lot of joy in his work. And as for Rose, I like him; he would be the guy i want to hang out with at work.

So far the story seems good, though it feels slightly slow to me. I might even come back to reading it.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Technical Accuracy/Style
Silly mistakes in this one, along the lines of typos. You might want to try leaving a chapter for a few days once it's done and then re-read it thoroughly. I know to my cost that when you work with the same text for weeks at a time it's easy to lose sight of the mistakes you do make. Stylistically this was a bit of a step back – some of the lines came across as a bit stiff and awkward

Story
In a sense this is kind of like a reprisal of the chapters at the Vermillion Gym. That's where the story is really lacking right now. Don't get me wrong,I don't mind the slower pace. The issue is that I'm concerned the next few chapters are going to be another set of training montages, with Peter's development squeezed in between the description of that. Don't forget to develop what you touched on here.

Setting
I did like the different approach the history of the Dojo – it always seemed a bit dumb to me that you could become an official Gym by singling out a Gym specialising in a type yours has an advantage against, and then beating it. I don't mind the liberties you took with the business of training and mentoring, though … perhaps it would be better with a little less of the cliché about it.

Characters
I liked Peter's picking on the fact that really, it's Jolteon that people are really interested in. I also liked his picking at the rather Ice Creamy koan that Hideki came out with. It's a bit of a shame, really, that it was never really explained just why Peter's physical training was supposed to help Jolteon. Having said that, Helena's a decent addition, and I reckon you could make more use of her.

Final Thoughts
My really big concern is that the interesting angle you have with Peter questioning the master will disappear. I like that he's thinking for himself and about his own life, independent of Jolteon. It never hurts for a wise master to have the student ask “why?”

 

[BinkVallen]

I finally read the first chapter of this fic and I'm glad I did. For some reason I always assumed this was going to be a darkfic. No clue why. The first chapter doesn't give off that impression at all.

Peter Sine intrigues me. It's always fun to see pokemon fic protagonists who have never been too involved with pokemon at the start. It's only chapter one so I can't tell too much about him, but I'm left wanting more. Something funny that isn't too relevant towards your story, but the main thing going through my mind when reading about him is that he's 100% the kind of guy the main character of my fic would get a silly crush on. So, I guess you did a good enough job getting him across for that. I'm very excited to meet the award winning Jolteon this story has.

I can't say much about the plot yet, this was mostly introductory stuff, although the detail about electrical engineering was pretty cool. I would recommend cutting down on the details a little bit, especially in the longer paragraphs. There were some points where the technical aspects seemed to drag on. However, I loved that you included it, and it added a level of depth to an area not usually explored in pokemon fanfics.

My main technical nitpick is that a few times you included the word "itself" where it didn't need to be. For example:

Peter and Donovan soon arrived in Pallet Town itself, just as the light of the sunrise began to bathe the area in a warm, golden light.

I don't think you need it there. You did it a couple more times, so I would recommend watching out for that. Besides that and some typos, the writing style flowed nicely. Overall this seems like a fun and promising story and I can't wait to read the rest of it. I probably won't do as in-depth a chapter-by-chapter review for the rest of it and just do a general thing when I catch up.

 

[Flaze]

Okay so...I apologize >.< I honestly shouldn't have let myself slack on this fic but I kept forgetting to get to it and...well here we are.

First of all I'll start by commenting on the fact that you're good at revealing more details of Peter in your chapters, this is hard to do in stories where the protagonist doesn't have people that they can bounce off of usually and give us thsoe details, so at least it's good that you managed to find a way to implement it in the description itself. And he's also still not your conventional protagonist in that he always tries to think through his choices and questions what he doesn't understand well, but he's also not a loner or a guy that hates people either like the more classical type of those characters.

That being said though something that does worry me is that the last few chapters have been kind of jumping around to different places just for Peter to keep training, whether Jolteon or himself. Now I myself understand why it's necessary for Peter to be trained in this context, though it would be best if it was explained out right. Normally a trainer would travel and grow with their Pokemon but since Peter isn't going to be traveling on a journey and just wants to be able to take care of him and his Jolteon is too strong and hard to control then he has to receive some discipline so that he knows how to dish it out as well. I'm not sure if martial arts training is the right way to go for that one though and I do hope it's explained a bit more later on.

The exchange between Peter and Hideki and the harmony talk was kind of odd for me too in that it kind of went a little bit too long, and it felt like it was touching into some martial arts movies cliche. Rather I would've liked it better if Hideki used the harmony thing to explain why he needed training. If Jolteon gets training but Peter doesn't then they won't be able to harmonize, a trainer needs to grow at the same pace as their Pokemon and stuff like that, at least that's what i thought of while I was reading xD

I liked Helena and her Riolu though, Riolu being protrayed as assholes isn't usually seen and it makes sense with how priced they tend to be by people. But Helena was a nice addition since you don't have a lot of characters here and the last few to be introduced are all experienced trainers and serious people so...it'll be nice for Peter to have someone closer to his experience range that he can talk to...plus, gotta get those ships going amirite? ;p

Other than that I didn't notice any big mistakes...oh wait

This it was with great relief

You put in a This there at the start, that was honestly the most glaring mistake I found honestly .

Anyways, to cap that, I'm still uneasy on this story. I like it, but I never seen to know where it's going to go xD I mean that's not bad but it's also not exactly good if you consider that at this point we should at least get kind of an idea of what we're getting here.

 

[AetherX]

Here for a post-awards review! My awards reviews are mostly based off my judging, which means that they tend to be a bit harsher than normal. Just a heads up.

The plot is simple. In a way, that's good because it's fairly original, if only because such basic premises are rare. The struggle comes from the fact that it's slowly paced and doesn't have a lot of exciting things happening. This leads to a story that relies heavily on characters and worldbuilding to stay entertaining. Although both are solid in this story, they aren't quite good enough to carry it. That said, stepping back, the plot is actually kind of interesting. It breaks down to a story you might find in your average video game (ie, not a very good story) that pushes its protagonist through a series of events without the protagonist really having much say in it all, just being forced by the player. This is handled interestingly with the main character's thoughts and doubts. He questions why he's doing this stuff, but does it anyway with a level of uncertainty that makes it believable.

The setting is kind of hit and miss. There's some depth to locations through making them seem lived in and realistic, rather than just being cardboard cutouts for the characters to stand in front of while the story takes place. Yet nothing about this version of Kanto is remarkably unique or engaging. Overall, you're far better in this regard than most stories, but there's still some room for improvement with regards to making the world a bit more immersive. That kind of thing is always hard to do, not the least because there's little I can offer in terms of advice towards that end.

The story focuses entirely on Peter and his Jolteon. The side characters that do show up are quite well written, but don't stick around long enough to show any real depth, which leaves us with just those two. Like I said above, a lot is on the line in terms of characterization. Peter is enjoyable to read, interesting, and unique enough, but not a strong enough character to carry the story on his own. I like his personality, which is consistent and believable, with a reasonable amount of depth (non-Pokemon hobbies? What is this wizardry?). That said, I don't quite find myself rooting for him yet. Although that might just be due to the lack of any real obstacles to root against.

Jolteon got nominated for Best Pokemon (and won, so congratulations!). Here are my in depth thoughts on her:

Generally, a Pokemon character with any kind of personality at all is considered to be pretty deep. By those rules, Jolteon is great. By the same standards that we might hold human characters, though, Jolteon only begins to show multiple traits and real depth in the most recent two or three chapters. We're still early in the story, all things considered, so it's tough to make a fair call on development. There has been a fair amount of development for the time given, from timid Eevee to terrified Jolteon to learning more about her powers. Nothing drastic, though.

Jolteon is THE plot device. The problem is that as far as the plot goes, she's more of an object than a character. Less like Frodo and more like the Ring. That said, her effects on Peter are a great part of the story.

She's a Pokemon. She's adorable. She acts like a puppy. Not super original at a base-personality level, but the addition of having new powers as an Eeveelution that it can't control is pretty cool and not something I've seen anywhere before. She's cute and she's interesting as a character concept. That pretty much sums it up. Not unenjoyable overall, but hasn't exactly blown me away with emotional depth or hilarious hijinks. Yet.

Overall, Jolteon's an important and original part of an interesting story. Upon close inspection she doesn't offer a lot in terms of depth, but is relatively well done so far and has a lot of potential.

Back to the story...

I like the style. There are a lot of asides that can be a little jarring and even confusing at points. I'm studying electrical engineering myself, so I'm fascinated by it all, but I wonder if others might find these asides less exciting. In the end though, I'd say they're mostly your attempts to provide some much needed depth and realism to the story. They don't flow terribly well, but the effort is appreciable, and the tidbits are all engaging. The detail is part of what makes this story interesting, but it's important to balance explanations of why things work with descriptions of things actually working.

On the technical side, there were a few punctuation errors early on. No jarring mistakes in recent chapters.

Overall, the concept is interesting and original, but not terribly deep at first glance. Time will tell how much more intense it might get, but right now it reads like a slice-of-life with only slightly interesting characters. That said, I liked it and will definitely keep coming back for more. High-five/10.

 

[Treble Tech]

Alright! Finally caught up! I read the first seven chapters and was all ready for the last one, then school hit me like a truck. But, got some free time and finished it up!

Grammar and structure-wise, things are pretty good. They're certainly better than the first few chapters; you've actually grown a lot in that area! I'm not seeing nearly as many typos as in the beginning. Of course, they are still there, but it's usually not anything too jarring. Maybe a missing letter or word here or there, and I saw somewhere where you used "flare" when I think you meant "flair", but there was nothing too major.

However, there were some phrases that, while not wrong per se, just seemed strange to me. As an example, when Hideki mentions that having Jolteon undisciplined could cause problems:

Peter was reminded of Jolteon's likely thieving habits, as well as her struggle with her fear...

This sentence just struck me as odd and unnecessary. The reader has been there the entire time, so after Hideki's statement they'll immediately know what it implies (we saw her destroy Peter's equipment, after all). Plus, the passive voice in "was reminded" after you've been writing in active voice for so long just sounded funny. This was the only place I remember seeing it, but it's something to keep in mind.

The plot is interesting enough; it keeps me reading, at least. Very simple, but good, and I quite like Peter's reactions to the events. He's an interesting character, especially for a Pokemon fic. I especially like his background and the world-building around it, which was very pleasing to the science nerd in me. Your attention to detail is quite good, like the barriers to protect the wooden dojo from battles.

As AetherX mentioned, Jolteon isn't too deep at the moment, but can be something great. She's already much better than many Pokemon characters in fics, and it's clear that you're putting a lot of thought into her, which is promising because she's such a big part of the story. The personality that she does have is enjoyable and believable, and it's still relatively early in the story, so I'm hoping for more growth from her.

Last thing that comes to mind right now, don't overdo the teasing about Peter's background. Now, this could just be a personal gripe of mine, but I thought I'd mention it. We already know there's something in Peter's past, but if you're not going to tell us soonish, don't dangle it in front of our noses. It gets discouraging.

 

[Persephone]

Hi,

The story has two distinct halves. For the first few chapters, characterization tends to be pretty sparse, there is much telling rather than showing, and in general the story can be a bit tedious to read.

The second half, from about the start of the Surge arc on, things get much better. Jolteon becomes an actual character, the setting gets good, and the style really picks up. If only posts in the last six months had been considered, I would've been tempted to push this story to win Best Alternate.

Now, the good news for you compared to something like Unpredictable that had the same problem is that as your story gets longer the rough beginning of ~3 chapters will become less and less significant. Still, I would suggest at least looking back at your early chapters as you are clearly a more skilled writer now.

 

[chaos_Leader]

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Out of Phase

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The sun had dropped down in the sky a fair bit, but still hung around halfway between the horizon and azimuth: so it was late in the afternoon, or early in the evening. Peter Sine sat on the grass, beneath the cool shade of a tree a short way off the route path, having taken a short but much needed break during his commute back to Vermilion city. Jolteon was likewise resting next to Peter's feet, but she kept alert and aware, acting as a diligent sentry while her trainer laid back in weary repose. For now, Peter wanted nothing more than to relax a bit before he finished traveling the route.

What a tiring, trying, strange day it had been...

A small yip from Jolteon roused Peter from his rest. He found the little yellow Pokémon's ears perked up, and her eyes were focused keenly on an approaching figure in the distance.

“Hey dude!” the incoming newcomer called out. “You, with the Jolteon!”

As he came closer, it became apparent he was a teenage boy with olive toned skin and dark hair, maybe around thirteen or fourteen by Peter's guess. He was dressed in a worn pair of jeans, hooded sweatshirt, knitted beanie cap, and hauled a heavily laden backpack over his shoulders. With him was an energetic Growlithe trotting faithfully at the boy's heels. No question: this was a traveling trainer.

“Can I help you?” Peter asked, hoisting himself to his feet as the eager trainer arrived. It was probably almost a good time to leave anyway.

“Huh, your Jolteon looks pretty strong,” the teenager observed, while Jolteon cocked her head at him in curiosity.

“Thanks,” Peter replied as he put on a polite smile through his weariness. “We've been doing some training lately.”

“Awesome!” the trainer exclaimed with a beaming face. “Growlithe and I are training too, getting ready for our gym challenge against Lieutenant Surge.”

“That's gonna be a tough battle,” the young man replied with a small nod, and scratched the back of his neck. “Good luck with that.”

“Hey, since we're here and all, how about we throw down and have a match?” the olive skinned boy asked, eagerly pumping his fist toward Peter.

That caught him off-guard for a bit, but he ought to have expected it, since these traveling trainer types were always ready to have a quick battle. With the day Peter had though, he didn't feel in any shape to indulge the trainer's request, and could only answer, “I uh... don't think I'm the right guy for that.”

“Why the heck not?!” the boy demanded, throwing his arms up in a flabbergasted display of confusion and disappointment. “You got a pretty slick Jolteon there, and me and Growlithe could use the practice against Electric types.”

“It's not that–”

“You aren't afraid to lose, are you?” the younger trainer sneered back, cutting off Peter's response. “What do you think Growlithe, is this guy tough stuff, or just some wussy poser?”

In response, Growlithe stepped in between Peter and the boy. The fire-type snarled up at the young man and uttered a fierce growl, while the air around the orange Pokémon distorted in wavy heat shimmer.

Before Peter could react, Jolteon leapt between her trainer and the Growlithe that threatened him. She crouched low in and active stance, growling back at Growlithe as sparks crackled though the fur all over the little electric-type's body. To Peter's surprise and relief, Jolteon was totally in control of it: there was no fear or hesitation in her actions, and she seemed to have a firm grasp on her electrical power. As far as he could tell Jolteon wanted to fight.

“You good for a battle, girl?” Peter asked, and why not? What harm could it do to have a friendly match?

As her answer, Jolteon let out a proud howl, leering at Growlithe and the boy as she paced in front of her trainer.

“Alright then, a battle it is,” Peter said with a nod. “Is a one-on-one okay: just Jolteon and Growlithe?”

“Ha! Now that's more like it!” the boy exclaimed as he pumped his fist again, then added meekly, “sorry I called you a poser before, dude.”

“It's alright. If nothing else, I aim to pose a threat to your victory,” Peter said with a little smirk as he stepped forward, offering a hand to the young trainer, “the name's Peter Sine, from Vermilion City.”

“I'm Ismael,” the young trainer replied with a new tone of respect and appreciation, and shook Peter's hand. “Celadon City.”

“Nice to meet you Ismael. Now lets you and I have a good clean match,” Peter said with an air of courteous formality, and the two prepared for their quick battle.

A small grassy clearing nearby served as their impromptu battlefield. Ismael and Peter took positions opposite each other, while their respective Pokémon stepped forward ahead of them. In all this, Jolteon still growled and glared at Ismael and Growlithe across the clearing, with sparks crackling through her bright fur. She seemed almost... angry.

“Take it easy girl,” Peter said to Jolteon quietly. “Growlithe never wanted to hurt me, they just wanted a friendly battle.”

The Pokémon's reply came as a small huff and grumble, still eyeing her opponent across the grassy field. The weary young man wasn't sure if she understood or acknowledged his attempt at reassurance, but they'd agreed to a battle, so a battle it was.

His next words were said loudly across the field to Ismael. “If you want the first move, its yours!”

“Alright!” the boy said, shooting his arm forward as he shouted his command, “Will-O-Wisp and close the distance Growlithe, just like we practiced!”

With a quick bark, Growlithe bounded forward across the grass, spouting small orbs of fire that raced ahead toward Jolteon, to which the Pokémon perked her ears up and cocked her head curiously. Oddly to Peter, the small flaming orbs didn't go straight for Jolteon, but instead seemed to position themselves around their target, slowly moving in, while Growlithe continued its approach...

With a small start, Peter realized his opponent's plan and directed Jolteon, “don't let Growlithe box you in! Get out of there!”

With blistering speed, Jolteon dashed between the flames and away from the fiery trap Growlithe had prepared, and–

“Oh I don't think so,” Ismael said with a clever twinge to his voice, and ordered to Growlithe, “intercept with Flame Charge!”

Growlithe bounded forward at its opponent, conjuring jets of flame to use as a booster of sorts. This gave the fire-type a fierce burst of speed, and it rocketed right at Jolteon, crashing into her with a hefty thump!

Jolteon squealed in startled pain as she tumbled away to her side, skidding to a heap on the grass. As the little yellow Pokémon scrambled to her feet and shook herself off, Peter noticed a crackling in the air around Jolteon, and the snaps of many sparks through her fur. In a pang of worry, the young man felt for Jolteon's Poké ball as he watched. The little electric-type simply crouched low in that active stance, glaring back at the opposing Growlithe with her razor eyes while she emitted a low growl.

“Easy girl,” Peter said, trying to reassure the frustrated young Pokémon. “We'll be ready for whatever comes next.”

“Oh yeah? You ready for this?” Ismael boasted, and directed his own Pokémon, “Growlithe, Flame Charge and Dig!”

With a howl, Ismael's Growlithe enveloped itself in flames and dove into the ground beneath its feet, leaving behind a vitrified bore hole in its wake. At this Jolteon took a step back with ears sprung upright, staring at the still smoldering hole.

“Stay calm girl, I'll think of something...” Peter said quietly as he puzzled through the situation.

Growlithe would have to emerge at some point, so it made the most sense to capitalize on the element of surprise and burst from the ground as close to or directly under Jolteon, giving her as little time to react as possible. If the timing of the attack could be pinned down though, it could be easy enough to avoid and counterattack, but the whole being underground element throws up all sorts of uncertainty...

Peter felt a slight tremor under his feet, which must've been Ismael's Growlithe, passing through the soil below. After a scant moment of consideration, an idea occurred to the young man. Without wasting what little time there was left, Peter dropped down on all fours and pressed his ear to the ground, listening...

“Dude? What the heck are you doing?” Peter heard his opponent ask through one ear, while the other listened for the telltale signs of the Growlithe. It was there: a steady kind of low rumble, rapidly increasing in intensity and pitch, and he could make out a vague direction it was traveling in.

“Steady girl, wait for my signal...” Peter instructed Jolteon as he raised an arm, with the side of his head still plastered to the dirt.

It was a bit ridiculous to look at perhaps, but he could use this for now, maybe. Hopefully Jolteon understood the instructions.

“Dodge now!” Peter shouted as he swung his arm down.

At once, Jolteon sprung away to the side just as Ismael's Growlithe burst up from the ground, wreathed in flames where its target had just been. With the amount of upward speed that fire-type had coming up from underneath, it'd be forced to hang in the air for a couple moments before gravity brought it back to the ground.

“Thunder Shock!” Peter commanded before the surprise could set in for his opponent, before Growlithe could do anything else.

With a sinister buzzing and crackling of electricity, and an intense howl from the Pokémon herself, a concentrated discharge arc sprung from Jolteon and struck Ismael's airborne Growlithe. The startled fire-type yowled in sputtering agony as it took the brunt of Jolteon's attack, until the orange puppy Pokémon flopped to the ground, and the relentless electric barrage ceased.

Guilt suddenly took hold of Peter as he saw the slack form of Growlithe in front of him. That attack may have been enough to seriously injure Ismael's Pokémon, or maybe far worse. What if it was worse? What would that mean for Peter, for Jolteon? The little yellow Pokémon had stepped forward during her trainer's moment of stupor, curiously eyeing and sniffing her grim handiwork–

“Growlithe!” Ismael cried as he rushed to the aid of his fallen Pokémon. Surprise and worry tainted his wide eyes and frantic words as he tore open his backpack and searched inside. “Come on, get up!”

After a few seconds, Ismael fished out a small spray bottle that Peter knew was a potion, and sprayed the mist at a few points over the fallen fire-type's body. Yet no matter how the boy implored or treated, his Growlithe didn't budge, or show any sign of life at all. When Ismael knelt down and stroked his Pokémon's head, it finally opened a weary pair of eyes and uttered a weak whimper.

“Better get to the Pokémon Center, and fast,” Peter recommended, still worried, but quietly relieved. “I think this is more than just a potion and some rest can handle.”

“Yeah, I think you're right. Let's get you fixed up, buddy,” Ismael said in a low voice, and dematerialized his injured Growlithe into a Poké ball. Then he looked up, eyeing the the little yellow electric-type that was the cause of all this, and shook his head, saying, “man, your Jolteon's Thunder Shock is no joke: just one hit and Growlithe was down.”

“I didn't know her attacks would be so intense,” Peter confessed, bowing his head in a gesture of humility. “I'm sorry.”

“I'll just have to train harder and be more careful, that's all.” Ismael assured himself. then he looked to Peter, asking, “what about you? You gonna enter the League, or any competitions at all?”

Honestly, the thought hadn't occurred to him, but now, after a battle like this...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX​

Peter Sine stepped through the sliding doors into the lobby of the Vermilion Gym at a brisk pace with Jolteon trotting at his heels. The young man's steel-toed boots landed heavily as he swiftly moved to the reception desk, where Gregory was waiting.

“Welcome back Peter,” the older gentleman greeted politely. “How was your trip to Saffron City?”

“Fine,” Peter answered abruptly. “Do you know where Surge is? Is he busy?”

“Lieutenant Surge is in his office, preparing to close down the gym for the evening, but he should be be able to accommodate you–”

“Great, thanks!” Peter said, cutting Gregory off as he continued into the gym's main hallway.

It was only a short walk to get to the gym leader's office, but all the while, Peter couldn't help but feel a little nervous on his way there. How would he react? What would it mean depending on the reactions? It didn't matter really: no matter what Surge would say, Peter had contingencies in place in his mind. Still, even having a plan –several, in fact– didn't ease the apprehension the young man felt, and it somehow made the walk feel much longer than it should have...

When Peter did arrive outside the office door, which Surge had kept open, he was treated to an oddly mundane scene for one as unsubtle as Lieutenant Surge. The strapping veteran, still dressed in his trademark tank-top, cammo pants and sunglasses getup, was sitting behind a desk, squinting at a computer screen over the tops of his dark glasses, typing on a keyboard. It was probably necessary but otherwise dull housekeeping, but it mattered little.

“I need a word with you,” Peter stated, and simply stepped right into the gym leader's office.

“What's up?” Surge replied, barely more than a mumble as he briefly glanced away from his work. “How'd your first day with Hideki go?”

He didn't answer the question. Peter didn't know how else he could say it, so just came out and said it straight, “I'm entering the company tournament with Jolteon.”

At hearing this, Surge stopped everything. His fingers stopped the clacking of the keyboard mid-type, he rolled the office chair away from the computer screen, and his squinting eyes became that stern, scrutinizing gaze Peer had come to expect from Surge. With his full attention turned to Peter Sine, the gym leader then asked, strained with suspicion, “you're doing what-now?”

“The Kanto Radio and Communications Service annual employee Pokémon tournament being held in Celadon City, coming up in a few weeks,” Peter explained, planting his hands on his chest. “I work for the company, so I'm entitled to enter if I choose to, which I now do.”

“That's not part of my training program,” the gym leader said as he stood up, and leered down at the young man over his dark glasses.

“I know, but I'm doing it anyway,” Peter replied, his tone unchanged from that flat but unwavering matter-of-fact timbre, unfazed by the pressure of Surge's disapproval.

“Jolteon isn't ready for serious battling,” Surge declared, pointing out the small yellow Pokémon at Peter's feet, “and neither are you.”

“We have three weeks to get ready,” Peter countered, holding up three fingers between the gym leader and himself, “and it's not even 'serious battling', it's just a little event the company throws for their workers.”

For a few moments, Lieutenant Surge simply stood over Peter, arms crossed, brow furrowed, lips quivering in an effort not to grimace, and waited. In response, Peter simply waited right back. He looked back at the older gym leader through his steely, unflinching gaze, but still felt what may have been sweat run down his brow. He'd made his decision, and there was nothing Surge could say or do to make him change his mind about it, he was pretty sure.

After many of these tense moments had passed, the gym leader seemed to realize this for himself, and he grumbled through gritted teeth, “fine, but I'm gonna ask one question, and I want to hear your answer in full.”

“What question?”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“You agreed to my training regimen, Peter, you agreed to do exactly as I instructed,” Surge explained. His words came out in a low register, but with a deep resonating undertone that still commanded power, like the deep buzz of a live power line. “Why the change? Why do you suddenly need to enter this tournament?”

A low, high-pitched whine at Peter's feet caught his attention: Jolteon. She'd hunkered behind Peter's firmly planted feet, and looked back up to Lieutenant Surge with fear in her eyes, bordering on terror. In response, the young man turned around and knelt down, comforting the startled young electric-type with the careful touch of his hand that he'd learned she enjoyed.

“When I first arrived here, I was uncertain and desperate, and I needed someone to help point me in the right direction,” Peter explained while he continued to put Jolteon at ease, seeing how it worked, how much her state-of-being was improved. He then added over his shoulder to Surge, “thanks for that by the way.”

“You're welcome,” the gym leader replied gruffly.

“Thing is, I agreed to train Jolteon according to your methods for as long as it took to make her safe, and I've got a feeling she's catching on to her power way faster than you planned for,” Jolteon had come around now, and she delightedly rubbed her head against Peter's leg, letting out a satisfied yip. “What I didn't agree to was moving into the Vermilion Gym as a permanent resident, like Vincent.”

“Whoever said anything about moving in?” Surge asked, sounding a little confused.

“Whatever, not important,” Peter said as he stood up and collected himself, turning back to the gym leader and explaining, “I have a job to go back to, and I have to explain to everybody what exactly I've been doing with myself all this time. Entering the company tournament with Jolteon is as good a way as any for me to make my return. It'll also give everyone a good reason for my absence leading up to the tournament: training, which is what I'm supposed to be doing here if I recall.”

“So you'd use this little tournament as an excuse for your absence, like you have to justify your choices,” Surge said with a scoff. “It's not enough to train for its own sake?”

“I don't have to 'justify' anything, it's my choice what I do and how I live!” Peter shot back defiantly. “You can help me train for this tournament if if you want, or let me go if you don't. That choice is yours, I've already made mine...”

Once again, Peter Sine and Lieutenant Surge found themselves staring at each other over the desk between them, with nothing but silence and time to be exchanged.

“Alright, so that's how it is then,” Peter said quietly, and he turned to leave.

“Peter, wait!” Surge said in a firm voice, just before he made it past the door frame.

The young man stopped and looked back. He saw the gym leader let out a long sigh, shake his head, and say, “training for battle is... different from what I had in mind before. I'd have to make some changes.”

“So what if its different? Let it be different,” Peter suggested with a mild shrug. “We should be able to adapt to changing circumstances, including training.”

“And you're not wrong,” Surge agreed with a nod, adding, “just out of curiosity though: after you've competed in your company's tournament, what will you do then?”

“I figure I'll just go back to work, like nothing ever happened,” Peter answered quickly, pausing just long enough to see if Surge's eyebrows formed that puzzled furrow again before adding, “that being said, I'd like to be able to change and adapt to whatever comes my way in the future, and I'd like to make my decisions well-informed with experience behind me.”

“Hmph,” the gym leader grunted, “I take it your goal is to actually win this cute little tournament, am I right?”

“I figure if I'm training here, under your guidance, then I ought to take a damn good crack at winning,” Peter declared confidently, adding, “I gotta do the reputation of the Vermilion Gym and its leader proud, after all.”

Hearing this, Surge looked to Jolteon. Though his eyes remained hidden behind the dark glasses, the tightening of the gym leader's eyebrows and a slight twitch of his lips betrayed his grimace. Then with a quick huff, Lieutenant Surge stepped out from behind his desk, passed Peter, and marched right out of the gym leader's office.

“You and Jolteon: battle floor, now,” he grunted over his shoulder without stopping.

“What's going on here?” Peter asked as he tailed behind. “What does a battle have to do with anything?”

“You can face me on the battle floor right now, or you can make good on your threat to walk away from my gym,” the older gym leader offered as his response, nearly mocking Peter's words before, “that choice is yours.”

“This is insane!” Peter protested. “We can't battle you yet, Joltoen is in no shape to face you or your Pokémon, she needs more training!”

“We live in an insane world, Peter!” Lieutenant Surge bellowed as he stopped and swung around to face Peter directly, gesturing widely all around himself, “Eevees accidentally evolve and go haywire, Gym leaders mysteriously vanish without a trace, and kids not even half your age take on the League and dangerous criminal elements... and they win,” then he turned and resumed his original path toward the battle floor, adding in a sour, condescending tone. “What's your excuse?”

The young man stopped in his tracks upon hearing that. He was frustrated, anger boiling inside, but he tried desperately not to let it show while his teeth gritted and and his hand formed a clenched a fist. Then a small, but familiar growl at his side caught Peter's attention. Jolteon was crouched low, fur crackling with pent-up electricity, and eyes leering at Surge as he walked away. From what Peter could tell, the little yellow Pokémon regarded the veteran gym leader with the same defiant ferocity she had when Ismael and Growlithe challenged them earlier that day.

In fact, Peter mused for a moment that if he hadn't gestured the command for 'hold', that Jolteon might have attacked Surge outright. In some ways, Peter was beginning to wonder how much of Jolteon's actions seemed like overt expressions mirroring his own thoughts and feelings that he normally kept in check, rarely expressed. It would explain what veteran trainers mean when they were 'in-sync' with their partner Pokémon, when each intuitively senses the others' intentions.

No, it wasn't anything psychic or the like, but it could be psychological. When two waves from different sources interact, when they travel at similar or compatible rates in the same direction, they build upon each other and produce a more powerful, more resonant tone than either could on their own. When people, or trainers and Pokémon, interact and communicate, and they are a good fit for one another, so too are both stronger together than on their own...

So this was Harmony.

Peter Sine turned his attention down at Jolteon through his hard steely gaze, while the young restless thing looked back up at the man for direction. His expression wasn't angry, but onlookers might be forgiven to think so: it was simply the form Peter's face took when the muscles of his face flexed as a natural response to when he was determined and focused. Jolteon knew this, as she responded to his fearsome 'glare' with attentiveness, eagerly pawing at the ground beneath her. He gave the Pokémon a small firm nod, and strode forward after Surge while Jolteon trotted alongside.

Peter and Jolteon arrived at battle floor a few moments later, where Surge and Raichu were waiting for them at the far end of the battlefield in the trainer's square. Apart from Peter, Surge, and their Pokémon, the Vermilion Gym's battle floor was completely deserted. The main lights weren't even turned on, leaving the floor with an eerie half-glow from the dim nighttime lighting overhead. The space had really been shut down for the evening, and Surge didn't seem to be compelled to set it all out again for whatever it was he had planned right now.

“I have no excuse, Surge!” Peter announced as he took his place opposite the gym leader with Jolteon at his side. “I don't need one.”

Lieutenant Surge didn't respond, and just stood there, arms folded over his chest, eyes hidden behind his dark glasses. As his only command, the gym leader quickly glanced down at Raichu and cocked his head forward. The electric mouse Pokémon obeyed the silent order and hopped forward, sparks crackling from the sacs on its cheeks.

From his place, Peter pointed forward with the full length of his arm, looking through Surge's dark glasses across the battlefield and into his eyes, undaunted. Jolteon in turn leaped onto the battlefield opposite Raichu, fur dancing with sparks as she built up a hefty charge.

Before Peter had a chance to get any of his bearings set though, Surge hollered a command across the battlefield, “Thunderbolt on Jolteon!”

And Raichu obeyed. With a mighty crack, the orange rodent produced a bright lance of electricity that instantly connected the two electric-types. The attack filled the wide open battle floor with the flickering pale blue-white light, and the buzzing crackling of powerful electricity. The attack however didn't hurt Jolteon, not in the least. If anything, she became all the more infused with power. The sparks that had simply danced through her fur before now arced all around her, but she wasn't afraid, or out of control. Jolteon let out a howl, and prepared to advance on Surge's Raichu with all her might.

That's when the gym leader issued another order. “Now, invert the charge! Reverse the current!”

In a fraction of a moment, all of the electricity stopped; not just the attack, but all the electricity between the two Pokémon. The flicker of sparks and arcs winked out instantly, but the noise it caused still echoed and reverberated through the space for a few more seconds, until it died down to be replaced by a sudden, chilling silence. Then out of the silence came a weak, defeated whimper: Jolteon.

The Pokémon staggered, utterly exhausted, struggling to stay on her trembling legs. Though she seemed physically unhurt, Jolteon's state appeared similar to her exhaustion after light bulb training, but to an extreme. Raichu on the other hand had flared to life with new vigor, with its cheek-sacs glowing brightly through the dimmed lighting. Peter could only surmise that Surge's Raichu had somehow siphoned off every last spark of electric charge from Jolteon, leaving her completely helpless...

“Raichu,” Surge's firm voice called out from across the battlefield. “Focus Blast.”

The orange rodent hopped forward and brought its forepaws together, and a bright light began to shine between them. Yet as the attack was prepared, there was nothing Jolteon could do to react, she was rendered too weak. At once panic arose in Peter when he realized Surge and his Raichu were serious, and weren't going to back down. That fear however was almost as quickly replaced by anger and outrage, that Lieutenant Surge –respected Kanto League gym leader– would stoop to such a petty low as this.

“Screw this! Stop the battle!” Peter shouted, making no effort now to fight his rage or his disdain as he stepped onto the battlefield past Joltoen. “I won't let you hurt her like this just so you can prove a damn point!”

Seething with disillusioned anger, the young man turned his back to Lieutenant Surge as he prepared to recall Jolteon into her Pokéball, then a laugh from the gym leader nearly sent him over the edge, “Don't stop, Raichu! Aim the blast at Peter!”

Peter spun around on his heels when he heard that, only to see the bright light and hear the scream of Raichu's Focus Blast hurtling straight at him. The young man brought up his arms in from of him in an attempt to protect himself, and braced for the inevitable impact–

There was a streak of yellow at the edge of his vision, and a sudden, terrifying wail of agony in his ears, but no impact. Instead, there was a skidding flop on the dusty battlefield floor, and a pained whine from Jolteon as she collapsed before Peter's eyes. She'd taken Raichu's attack for Peter in order to protect him.

For a few dumbfounded moments, the young man could only stare slack-jawed at Jolteon, still processing the shock of the last few seconds. As he heard the approaching footsteps from the far side of the battlefield though, all of Peter's outrage came simmering back, “are you satisfied? Is your precious pride restored?” he spat in utter spite. “This is what you meant when you said 'she's not ready', isn't it?”

“Wrong,” the gym leader answered firmly, yet calmly as he came to a stop a few feet from Peter and his defeated Pokémon. “I think Jolteon is far more ready than either of us have given her credit for.”

“Then... what was the point of all that bluster and bravado? Using Raichu to attack me was incredibly risky,” Peter asked, shrugging and lifting his arms up. After thinking about it though, he came to a conclusion, one he should have guessed earlier: “this was some kind of a test.”

“This was a test, but not a test meant for you. As far as safety goes, Raichu was already in on the gag, and only fired a very weak Focus Blast; it wouldn't have felt like anything more than a firm push,” Surge confirmed as he knelt down, examining Jolteon. The Pokémon groaned in quiet protest, but wasn't able to act, rendered too weak from her recent exertions, “I was testing Jolteon's resolve. I wanted to see for myself if she had the necessary motivation: the will to act.”

“I'm guessing she has it,” Peter replied.

The gym leader nodded, and produced a small rectangular battery from his pocket, the leads of which he touched to one of Jolteon's paws as he spoke. “Even when drained of all her electrical energy, and in the face of a powerful opponent, she still put herself in the line of fire to protect you. Never mind her power potential or anything else: loyalty and devotion as strong as hers is a rare thing, and I hope you will cherish it as we start training for your tournament.”

Finished, both with his explanation and impromptu treatment for Jolteon, Surge scratched the small yellow Pokémon behind her ears and stood up. Though Jolteon was still visibly tired and exhausted from her previous ordeal, the extra power from the battery seemed to take the edge off her state, as she yawned and stretched herself out.

“So, we're on then,” Peter said with a nod, satisfied. “What do you have in mind?”

“There's a cafe at the end of the nearby boardwalk,” the gym leader directed. “Meet Gregory there at eight am sharp tomorrow, and be prepared to take notes.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX​

And there we have it, the ninth chapter at last. I'm not sure precisely why it's taken me this long to update. I can't really blame writer's block entirely, since I had the outline for this chapter and several after pretty much planned out, lined up and ready to put together for a while. I suppose I can chock it up to my scatterbrained maritime lifestyle, but I digress.

Its good to be back, and I hope I can catch up on everything I've missed out on.

Edit Notes 01/16/2018
Cleanup of typos, format and the like. no major content change.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Right, getting in a quick review before work. You said it yourself, as it happens, it's the clear story thread that's the difficult bit with these kinds of stories. And actually to that end it seems like a good idea to have the tournament focus the plot here somewhat. The story feels like it's been a bit rudderless for a while - though that might just be a consequence of reading each chapter as it comes out months apart - and particularly in regard to Peter it might be a smart idea to build up more of an idea of what he intends to do.

Part of that will depend on how long you want the story to be, of course. If the tournament is going to be the climax which decides what Peter will do, then there's no particular need to think big. Otherwise ... I don't know, I mean ordinary people being ordinary is a tough one because they have to be highly relateable in order for their stories to be interesting.

In any case, that confrontation with Surge and Peter's assertion of authority over his own life was a refreshingly mature scene