• A new LGBTQ+ forum is now being trialed and there have been changes made to the Support and Advice forum. To read more about these updates, click here.
  • Hey Trainers! Be sure to check out Corsola Beach, our newest section on the forums, in partnership with our friends at Corsola Cove! At the Beach, you can discuss the competitive side of the games, post your favorite Pokemon memes, and connect with other Pokemon creators!
  • Due to the recent changes with Twitter's API, it is no longer possible for Bulbagarden forum users to login via their Twitter account. If you signed up to Bulbagarden via Twitter and do not have another way to login, please contact us here with your Twitter username so that we can get you sorted.

A Train Of Thought ▽ɞ

Off-duty ▽ɞ
Smallest update, my RLS has been really bad today so I didn't achieve anything I wanted to uwaa. But my silly little Deoxys plush arrived today! Been toting him around because he's sooo huggable and like a weighted blanket, it's helping me a lot.
1695447890747.png
1695447930528.png
I don't want to turn this into a rant or anything, but I was pondering today about how easily/badly my body seems to react to stress. I've been (wo)manning subway mastering? the house myself for almost two weeks now because my aunt has been on vacation in Italy. It's not too bad, my chores are a bit more than usual but nothing world ending of course. LOL. The hardest part actually is my paranoia spiking real bad, paranoia over really neurotic and farfetched stuff-- the usual drill (I keep panicking thinking that something will go wrong or that I'm going to be killed or something. Insane stuff like that).

Today one of the cats was being a little mischievous and knocking stuff over in the house and making a bunch of noise, and I didn't realize it was him at first and it really scared me, embarrassingly enough. This whole ordeal made my RLS flare up immensely, and it became impossible to rest after I had already forgotten my medication. The doorbell rang soon after though, and it turned out to be the arrival of my Deoxys plush I ordered! LMAO (someone was selling him for 35 dollars can u believe it...) Gonna sound cheesy but this plush is like a weighted blanket, which is something I've kind of put off investing but need for a condition like mine, so it helped ease me a lot. I think this little guy is gonna be pretty important to my stress process going forward!

But it really got me thinking how much I really don't like how much I genetically inherited handicaps. It kinda really sucks but that's life. I guess as I'm getting older it's becoming more apparent and it's been kinda tricky and difficult to come to terms with how much the mere feeling of stress goes against my body. It's a bit discouraging. I always want to do way more than I am but I'm so hindered by the flesh. Hopefully Deoxys will provide some comfort at least.

On another note, I've been roleplaying a Volo and Emmet scenario with a close friend of mine, and it's been fantastic LMAO.
1695449740281.png

1695449760350.png
1695449775693.png
1695449788746.png

I'll finish this game of catchup eventually (I even gotta finish the teal mask dlc still)... at least rp always inspires me. Gotta finish stuff fr!!
 
I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one up at such a late hour, haha. Or maybe I shouldn’t be…? Something tells me that you’d much rather be asleep right now if you could. But in my case, it’s just another one of “those nights”. I‘ve actually had my own family pet — a little puppy — just a few feet away from me the whole night, sleeping peacefully outside of the crate (that never happens!). It’s actually kind of cute, and weirdly kind of reassuring as well; the two of us have kind of been having moments like this all through the whole last day, really.

Here’s hoping that your friend-shaped Deoxys, haha, will give you a similar level of comfort tonight and other nights.
 
Off-duty ▽ɞ/ Conducting ▽ɞ
Something tells me that you’d much rather be asleep right now if you could. But in my case, it’s just another one of “those nights”.
That rings true even now… LOL. Unfortunately been up due to my mania this time, what a world. Gonna try and sleep again but I may het up and get back to work!!

I‘ve actually had my own family pet — a little puppy —
Awww I’d LOVE to see your puppy sometime!! A few months ago my aunt and I took care of a stray kitten and she was the cutest little thing, we gave her to the neighbor since we have three cats.

Apologies again for lack of proper posts! October has turned out to be a particularly busy month, much to my dismay (since it’s my favorite…) Between fic writing, two projects for my professor in the 3D side of things, cleaning, and preparing for my best friend to visit next year on TOP of other obligations… I’ve been pretty stressed out. All work and no play makes Blanc a dull Subway Master, if you get me (sick movie reference). Should have my RP for this place ready by the end of the year I hope!

My legs are killing me right now, I’ve been using this lavender serum my aunt got me while she was in France and it has been working wonderfully to get rid of the aches, but I still feel soreness whenever I move. Buuut I’m not here to talk about my woes right now, I can’t sleep and maybe in a moment of derangement I finally decided I’m going to do something I’ve been meaning to do for months… Share with you some of my headcanons about my boys! Of course it won’t be all of them or anything, just the ones off the top of my head. It’s no secret I roleplay in my spare time, but I have to be honest that I’m usually pretty private about this stuff because… I get embarrassed LOL. I dunno, I’ve always been sort of closed off about my ideas when they’re not on a canvas.

So! I propose a trade! After you read these, tell me some of your own headcanons about your favorite characters! It’s something I like to do with friends so we can think of scenarios they interact! It’s cute I think. No pressure, of course!

in no real order…

some headcanons for both ▲▽ (I’ll do individual headcanons for them later o/)

▲▽ Born in Galar and moved to Unova young enough that they barely remember it. Given Galar is a mirror of real world England, that means trains were first developed there.

▲▽ Following the above, neither of them really have an accent, Ingo’s does come out sometimes. Emmet has been totally Unovified and lacks a Galarian accent entirely.

▲▽ Also following the above (and stealing this idea from an artist I admire) their last name is Ashford, the last name of a real world London Underground Chief (afraid I lost the source for this one a few months ago, tragically. Will update if I find it again!).

▲▽ Both have their own form of separation anxiety without the other.

▲▽ Of course no one could tell them apart were they to dress exactly alike, but if someone was astute enough to pay attention to their body language, they could tell the difference.

▲▽ Chandelure was a gift from their mother (whom it belonged to), who lovingly nicknamed it Chamomile (♀). Chandelure technically belongs to both of them, but Ingo is the one often handling her and using her in battle, given he’s the older twin.

▲▽ In a similar vein, Emmet’s Eelektross named Melty (also ♀) is actually the child of their father’s Eelektross.

▲▽ Their mother was the Subway Master before them, their father was a railway engineer in Motostoke, and then Nimbasa before he passed away when they were children.

▲▽ Mom’s still alive, but she’s out traveling the world like she never got to do as a young trainer since she was a prodigy early much like her children. She’s enjoying her wanderlust in her retirement but she’s not so great at keeping in touch.

▲▽ Their mother is named Brynn (a pun on fire and brimstone). Their father is Wilhelm (Just so their initials together can be BW lol)

▲▽ Ingo tends to name his team after books he reads in his spare time. Emmet gives his cutesy pet-like names.

▲▽ For decorum, neither of them use their Pokemon’s nicknames on the Subway. They only call them by name off-duty.

Chandelure - Chamomile ♀(Named after the tea their mother loved and gave them often when they were sick. Chamomile served as a guardian to them.)
Haxorus- Dame ♀( The female term for a knight, a name given to fit her might.)
Klingklang - Gawain ( Gawain was a knight of the Round Table in Aurthurian legend.)
Crustle - Sage ♂(The scent it carries)
Garbodor - Nemo ♂(Named after Captain Nemo, from 10,000 Leagues under the sea)
Excadrill- Pierce ♂(To impale, to puncture like a lance)
Eelektross - Melty ♀(No one really knows. He named her when she was just a Tynamo and he was equally small)
Galvantula - Bibi ♀(Meant to sound like ‘biribiri’, the sound of static electricity.)
Klingklang - ‘Tempy’ (Temporal) - (The outlier in naming conventions because it was a gift from Ingo, and he had named it. Emmet however only ever calls it Tempy for short)
Durant - ‘Knono’ (Knoll) ♂(Knoll means a mound or small hill, like an ant hill! Though Emmet named this one himself, he calls it Knono for short.)
Archeops - ‘Plu’ (Plume) ♂(Plumage, feathers. Often called Plu for short)
The joltiks of the station - Usually all named after baked goods or candy of some sort (Biscuit, Butterscotch, Gummi, Creme… etc)

▲▽ They work as a support and offense in battle respectively (reflected in the games as well!) Ingo’s Pokemon work as supports to Emmet’s, making opportunities for him to deliver some nasty blows, though Emmet’s are poor at standing on their own.

▲▽ They cover each other’s weaknesses. Emmet is not so good at Single battles, and Ingo Doubles— and vice versa.

That’s all I can think of for now LOL. Enjoy? I guess if you want to ask anything specific, feel free! As said I’ll post individual ones later if I manage to muster up the courage. Thank you for reading my silly little headcanons!
 
Last edited:
Should have my RP for this place ready by the end of the year I hope!
Woooo I'm really excited!! You're working really hard on a lot and I'm proud of you!!♡
(そして体的にもっと調子が良くなるように!)
I finally decided I’m going to do something I’ve been meaning to do for months… Share with you some of my headcanons about my boys! Of course it won’t be all of them or anything, just the ones off the top of my head.
I wonder how many of these I'll know...?
It’s no secret I roleplay in my spare time, but I have to be honest that I’m usually pretty private about this stuff because… I get embarrassed LOL. I dunno, I’ve always been sort of closed off about my ideas when they’re not on a canvas.

So! I propose a trade! After you read these, tell me some of your own headcanons about your favorite characters! It’s something I like to do with friends so we can think of scenarios they interact! It’s cute I think. No pressure, of course!
Let's do itttt!!! yessssss..
▲▽ Born in Galar and moved to Unova young enough that they barely remember it. Given Galar is a mirror of real world England, that means trains were first developed there.

▲▽ Following the above, neither of them really have an accent, Ingo’s does come out sometimes. Emmet has been totally Unovified and lacks a Galarian accent entirely.

▲▽ Also following the above (and stealing this idea from an artist I admire) their last name is Ashford, the last name of a real world London Underground Chief (afraid I lost the source for this one a few months ago, tragically. Will update if I find it again!).
I remember these ones!! I don't remember if you've said they're common enough, but they're certainly very unique seeming ones right? fully agree LOL
▲▽ Both have their own form of separation anxiety without the other.
This one feels very 'correct' too? I don't think I could imagine the two without that? (which is why, for my own sanity, legends: arceus is in a different universe than bw/2 i do not want to see emmet sad .. .)
▲▽ Mom’s still alive, but she’s out traveling the world like she never got to do as a young trainer since she was a prodigy early much like her children. She’s enjoying her wanderlust in her retirement but she’s not so great at keeping in touch.
she is soooooo valid for this i lov it
Chandelure - Chamomile ♀(Named after the tea their mother loved and gave them often when they were sick. Chamomile served as a guardian to them.)
Haxorus- Dame ♀( The female term for a knight, a name given to fit her might.)
Klingklang - Gawain ( Gawain was a knight of the Round Table in Aurthurian legend.)
Crustle - Sage ♂(The scent it carries)
Garbodor - Nemo ♂(Named after Captain Nemo, from 10,000 Leagues under the sea)
Excadrill- Pierce ♂(To impale, to puncture like a lance)
Eelektross - Melty ♀(No one really knows. He named her when she was just a Tynamo and he was equally small)
Galvantula - Bibi ♀(Meant to sound like ‘biribiri’, the sound of static electricity.)
Klingklang - ‘Tempy’ (Temporal) - (The outlier in naming conventions because it was a gift from Ingo, and he had named it. Emmet however only ever calls it Tempy for short)
Durant - ‘Knono’ (Knoll) ♂(Knoll means a mound or small hill, like an ant hill! Though Emmet named this one himself, he calls it Knono for short.)
Archeops - ‘Plu’ (Plume) ♂(Plumage, feathers. Often called Plu for short)
The joltiks of the station - Usually all named after baked goods or candy of some sort (Biscuit, Butterscotch, Gummi, Creme… etc)
I'm actually recognizing a few of these names! I never knew that you had them as proper names for their teams though, I just thought... they were spur of the moment LOL. I guess I'll need to name all the relevant Pokémon I catch from now own after them??
That’s all I can think of for now LOL. Enjoy? I guess if you want to ask anything specific, feel free! As said I’ll post individual ones later if I manage to muster up the courage. Thank you for reading my silly little headcanons!
Thank you for sharing!!! I really love seeing you talk about the your boys..

Hmm, now some of mine??

✧What do you mean her name's Lisia!? that's my name... Generally speaking, I find it REALLY weird to like, talk about her because of the name doppelganger thing (i just call her lisia pokémon always LOL), so as a compromise, her real, not-stage name is Lucia? But most people just call her by her stage name because it's pretty close to it?

✧She's mostly of Japanese (Hiyorijin) descent, but has some Greek (Sootopolian???? idk) ancestry on her mother's side! Which means that alongside her mother, Wallace/Mikuri has 1/2 Sootopolian ancestry and 1/2 Hiyorijin ancestry.

✧She is veerrrry smart for her age! points to essentially finishing high school on her own during her idol career.

✧After she got sick of idol work, she ended up retiring and... surpriiiise! Became the Gym Leader of a certain Gym in Sootopolis! In my head, I do envision it as a Dragon gym, but I don't really know if you can just change Gym types??? (even though this is my own AU lol)

✧She's very close with Wallace Mikuri and her(!!) girlfriend, Winona (Eunsong, she is zainichi korean because i said so)! They do stuff together often!

✧Particularly with Eunsong, she enjoys flying around together!

Aaaand I would do some about Kanon but I'm afraid I do not have very many currently?? :confused:

Fun fact, though: I actually think I'm beginning to enjoy telling her story a bit more, though, probably because she feels much more 'disconnected' from me as a person as opposed to lisia pokémon? Although there's absolutely some parts of myself that reside in her, she feels more freeing to write about? Probably because I do not share my name with her LMAO.

I think she'll probably become my... 'third' favorite character in the end. Lisia and Emmet are my first and second favorites, obviously, and I can't imagine that ever stopping fully, but I have a feeling that as things keep going on, I'll probably end up... I guess becoming more and more of a fan of hers, despite the honorary statuses of those two being my favorites.

✧She doesn't do very much aside from painting and sleeping?, but from time to time she does enjoy fishing? (note: there is a way for fishing to occur with minimal harm etc, also nobody eats pokémon) It's a very solitary act, which is perfect for her. Especially when she needs A Break... and the waters are full of plenty of fish, too, so she doesn't exactly need to worry about going hungry.

✧She can frequently be found in the Alto Mare museum, which is now functioning as a sort of library? It's host to lots of materials about the Lati@s duo, and she's pored over much of it all in their absence.

✧She writes letters to Ash every few months. Maybe it's because he's pretty well-known, but he always seems to recieve the letters just fine despite always seeming to be on the move.

✧I always tend to throw in a Unova reference in my fics, and there'll be more in this series I think! But for now, I'll say that Kanon did, at one point in time, want to study abroad (where is alto mare is it italy or japan) in a certain art academy in Unova!

I'll stop for now, but ...I think I need to update my headcanons thread, then!! I've been hit with the writing bug recently, so... it's only natural right?

I hope I didn't take over your thread neechan! I love talking about my characters LOL... I'm really proud of you for working so hard. It'll all pay off, I know it, and I'm always cheering you on! もうちょっと我慢してね!
 
I remember these ones!! I don't remember if you've said they're common enough, but they're certainly very unique seeming ones right? fully agree LOL
I'm really happy you remember!! As far as I'm aware, my headcanons aren't quite common at all... I really only interact with fandoms in JP spaces so I could be wrong, but if I'm being honest I still think my interpretation is pretty far removed, as I've only ever seen others portray them as pure Unovian.
This one feels very 'correct' too? I don't think I could imagine the two without that? (which is why, for my own sanity, legends: arceus is in a different universe than bw/2 i do not want to see emmet sad .. .)
I want to see him sad LOL give me CONTENT gamefreak It feels like a basic hc to have, but the more you think about it the more it makes sense, I think. While obviously we don't know their living situation canonly, them dressing alike at their age is a subtle nod to the possible co-dependency they share, saying this as someone who was dressed identical to her sister as a child because adults saw it as 'cute' but naturally didn't practice this as we got older. It's likely just pokemon-isms being pokemon-isms, but I still headcanon it would do these two well to expand their social bubble.
she is soooooo valid for this i lov it
I won't flood this place with too many of my headcanons about her, but I'm glad you think so!! LOL. I've had her as sort of a brash woman in my mind, and also is the reason they were dressed identical as children because their father struggled to tell them apart. She's a good mom at the end of the day even if she's a little absent currently, she's just living the youth she missed out on. (Plus it's just cute to imagine her as a cameo character in another region... obviously could never happen but I can dream)
I'm actually recognizing a few of these names! I never knew that you had them as proper names for their teams though, I just thought... they were spur of the moment LOL. I guess I'll need to name all the relevant Pokémon I catch from now own after them??
Hehe you probably remember them from Pokemon Go! No, they weren't spur of the moment, I thought these out pretty carefully. I often joke when I play FFXIV that what people nickname their Chocobo says a lot about them, and I think the same is true for what we name our 'mons, so when I headcanon trainers nicknaming their Pokemon, I try to think of facets of their personalities that would show through. I imagine Ingo is a pretty well read person (as I was in my youth but fail to be now), he talks formally and properly to the player, he gives off this 'refined' air so his Pokemon would have these refined names to match. He takes pride in his team, so each of their names, while nods to different literature, are all characters that have overcome something. In line with this-- I forgot to mention that Crustle's nickname Sage was actually a nod to Scarborough Fair, a ballad about going to the impossible lengths for someone you cherish. Emmet's pride in his Pokemon is a bit more personal (this doesn't quite feel like the right word... but, more sentimental? mushier?) he takes pride in their strength but not in such a noble way like his older sibling, it's more in line with teaching your pet to do cool tricks for years if that makes sense LOL. He spoils them a bit rotten. It would be cute of you to name some Pokemon after them!! <33 But you don't have to, just the thought is so sweet.
✧After she got sick of idol work, she ended up retiring and... surpriiiise! Became the Gym Leader of a certain Gym in Sootopolis! In my head, I do envision it as a Dragon gym, but I don't really know if you can just change Gym types??? (even though this is my own AU lol)
Imagining Lisia as a Dragon-type specialist is sick actually, something I've always loved about Iris is how cute her champion design is while commanding mighty dragons so I'd LOVE to see her do the same!
✧She can frequently be found in the Alto Mare museum, which is now functioning as a sort of library? It's host to lots of materials about the Lati@s duo, and she's pored over much of it all in their absence.

✧She writes letters to Ash every few months. Maybe it's because he's pretty well-known, but he always seems to recieve the letters just fine despite always seeming to be on the move.
Sort of unrelated to your headcanons but also at the same time, I really loved your new fic of her!! Your portrayal of her seems so gentle and somber but in a peaceful way... I can't wait for you to come up with more!! Maybe you could make a fic of her letters to Ash (thinking)?
I'll stop for now, but ...I think I need to update my headcanons thread, then!! I've been hit with the writing bug recently, so... it's only natural right?

I hope I didn't take over your thread neechan! I love talking about my characters LOL... I'm really proud of you for working so hard. It'll all pay off, I know it, and I'm always cheering you on! もうちょっと我慢してね!
I can't wait to see!! And you didn't take it over at all (I asked to hear them anyways)!! I appreciate you peeking since I'm usually pretty closed off about this stuff... LOL. I'm really shy about my writing but with you there I can probably safely take the plunge again!! 努力はする。。。
 
╔══▲═════════════╗
Paranoia,
Religion,
and the curious case of the girl who draws
the Subway Masters from Pokemon B&W
(among other things)
╚════════════▽═══╝

Another proper entry! Apologies, no song this time, I couldn’t really pick one and I’ve been listening to my classical playlists lately, so it’s a bit embarrassing to share, so I hope a title instead suffices. If I had to pick a non classical piece though, feel free to listen to Bathtub Mermaid by Mili. I noticed in my older entries some of the hyperlinks to my entry songs broke, I assume somewhere within the forums updating or something…

Either way it’s not a big deal. It feels silly to plug myself, but I would also really appreciate it if you read my fanfic I made for our contest! I usually wouldn’t do this as I tend to get flustered about my writing… but I worked very very hard on this one, and it’s the longest fic I’ve ever written, so I would appreciate if people enjoyed it or shared their thoughts!!

This is another one of my “weirdly introspective entries that probably sounds insane to anyone else”, so I don’t blame you if you steer away from this one, LOL. That said, I hope this finds you well, and I hope everyone is taking time for themselves as much as I have been. I am very sick right now. Halloween came and went, and though I didn’t do everything I wanted for my favorite holiday, I still did more than last year in other ways, so all was not lost. The theatre performance I saw was inspiring, and even though we didn’t get a single trick or treater this year I’m not too sad about it.

I have been home alone again though, and I think I have made peace with the fact I do not take it well. I’m a solitary person, as I’ve mentioned I’m a very strong introvert, but I don’t think I could ever live alone, really. Maybe it’s just that always living with someone else is how I’m used to things by now, or maybe my paranoia is worse than I thought, LOL. Without fail, whenever my aunt leaves for a trip I get both a weird mix of anxiety in some ways and peace in others. The peace feels unwarranted though, as there really is no reason why that same kind of peace shouldn’t exist without her present, but it’s not really a circumstance that’s her fault or brought about by her— it’s a trauma response; that feeling of always being watched or scared of observation. I think it’s a feeling that I’ll always have regardless of who I’m living with. I don’t mean for this statement to sound angsty or melancholic at all, it’s something about myself I’ve come to terms with. On the same note, I don't seem to do the best alone either, as I suffer from some outlandish thoughts I glossed over last time I wrote about this.

Maybe this is equally residue sludge from my youth, but whenever I'm left alone in the house too long especially at night, but it can be any time of the day-- I get overcome with this harrowing sensation that something terrible will happen. It varies, but the biggest thought that comes to mind is that someone will come and kill me. I can't really explain it beyond general paranoia, I start to hear things too, but auditory and visual hallucinations are not really new things for me, but they definitely make me more jumpy. The other thoughts are usually that something will occur just because I'm alone, and I have to be the one left to handle it. The only memory that would likely cause this externally was that time 2 years ago a car accident happened right outside my house while my aunt was at a party, and I had to spend 3 hours filing a witness report with the cops that night. The other time was when our dog was attacked by some raccoons, it was very scary, I managed to fend them off and help him. I don't really think that these events are the reason I get that foreboding sensation. Maybe it's some weird helplessness I have. At any rate, it's just not good LOL, between this and being left more alone with my thoughts, it doesn't seem I can win either way.

I've also been a bit fretful because one of our cats seems to be MIA, so it's again this paranoia eating at my skull.

I think I've just always been a person with a nervous disposition, maybe even before the 'fear of observation' trauma even became a thing. It might even be a combination of that because I grew up in such a religious area. It's interesting, isn't it? How much I love to draw and create religious themes in my work despite my adversity to believing in something like that. It's not exactly that I have a sour outlook on what it is itself, religion, to me, falls under a similar umbrella as mythos, I enjoy reading about it, I find aspects of it fascinating and I love taking the concepts and mirroring it in my own writing. So do you have theophobia or not, Blanc? What is it? My relationship with religion is a complicated one, and I only really thought about it recently because I was actually reading the blog of another artist.

I was reading the blog of this girl who found comfort in Scientology, putting aside my misgivings with the religion itself and the more intrinsic things she wrote about regarding it, every post she made about it spoke of the concept with extreme comfort, finding solace in it. I decided to send her a question myself, explaining to her that I was not religious, and there is some mixture akin to fear in my heart for pieces of it, but the way she carried herself about what she believed in was so serene, it made me ponder my own apprehensiveness about my relationship with religion-- specifically Christianity, as a whole. In return, she didn't really give me an opinion of her own, but sent me an excerpt of Cormac McCarthy's novel Child of God, and I could glean from the passage that the message was something like... no matter who you are, God accepts you, or that no matter if you didn't believe like I do, you were still a child of 'God'. I thanked her, I admitted truthfully that I doubt I will ever truly have a religion as it's both not something I seek nor am just fundamentally built for, but I thanked her because something about a person so wound in their faith was willing to attempt to provide comfort like that.

I grew up in the Bible Belt of America, the deeply Christian area of the south. Seeing all different kinds of churches was very normal for me, and it was even more normal for children my age to go to church, to have a relationship with their holy father and pray before every meal, pray before bed... All those types of things, even when I visit my parents every winter, they always make me pray before we eat. As religious as my mother was, my parents never made me go to church when I was little, they said something like that they believed you didn't need to go to church to have a relationship with God, that you could sort of forge your own path with it by just praying and 'talking to Him' and all that. Honestly, even as a kid I didn't really get it. I didn't really understand it all and I equally didn't understand what praying or talking to Him was supposed to make me feel or think or even solve. Even when I was little I just, kinda pretended to go along with it for my parents and appearances at school, because all the other children would talk heavily about being careful about 'doing things that'd make them go to Hell'. That was the other thing, I lied about going to church when I was in elementary school because it was a really big deal in my area. Kids who heard about other kids not going to church would be utterly mortified, and said kid would get ostracized by the others and treated like a freak. I witnessed it and heard them all talk about shit like that, so I was careful to watch myself and pretended to be as in touch with this holy body as they were. It all just started to feel like I was this... thing wearing human skin, a wolf in sheep's clothing pretending I was one of them, except it wasn't the wolf deceiving the sheep to eat all of them, it was the sheep that were going to band together to eat the wolf if they found out. That sort of thing.

And of course, living this lie to fit in, and getting older and learning about all this religion stuff in historical politics, and of course people who hide behind religion to justify some unsavory beliefs... I just couldn't get behind any of it. I still can't really, but for my own personal reasons rather than moralistic ones. Sometimes I wonder if something is inherently broken in me for not being able to connect with it all, but I couldn't tell you. Regardless, the only time I realized how deeply this 'fear' was ingrained with me were two moments in my life. The first was when I was first diagnosed with chronic severe depression, and I started to do some things that, you know, are a bit difficult to talk about. Eventually my parents found out. I don't really remember everything they said, it's kind of a repressed memory. I have a vague memory of my dad asking me questions, and I don't really know what he felt-- I can't remember his tone and I never looked at his face. My mom though, I remember clearly, because she would plead with me to talk to God. Any time after that that I had any sort of 'moment' she noticed, she would tell me to give my problems to God, any moment of depression was her telling me to confide in Him. And, well, to be honest, as a teenager this kind of frustrated me and made me feel helpless. Instead of my mother comforting me herself, she was passing off that duty to some entity that may or may not exist. Instead of feeling like I had an answer I just ended up feeling kinda more alone. I'd always nod and tell her 'yeah I will' but I never did, but it was to ease her conscience, besides, I think it would deeply upset her if I told her the truth, that I don't believe in any of it.

For my 19th birthday she gave me her bible, I considered reading it-- of course as more a personal literature piece than any sort of sacred text, and I tried. I read a few pages on a whim, but... I dunno, I think I can't really divorce the fact that to many, many people, these are sacred texts, and there's some strange discomfort for me, a 'heathen', to be reading them not as such, let alone spending time trying to. Like I said though, I don't want to make this sound like I am uncomfortable with the idea of religion itself. You see it often in my art and concepts-- even what I wear and what I collect. I love reading about religious stuff when its not fed to me through the sacred texts themselves (as in reading a wikipedia article feels more detached to me than reading a literal bible), I love reading about Kabbalah, about Catholicism, Christianity, Buddhism, kinda all sorts of things, it's cool to see it in media as well-- it's like Greek and Norse mythology to me. Even since I was little I loved drawing angel wings and halos on my favorite characters (something I do to this day), I love roleplaying with these concepts and ideas about celestial beings, I love collecting 'bibilically accurate angel' merchandise and plushies, I wear clothing and accessories with wings and gothic crosses (well, this is because I'm goth and gothic culture/aesthetic takes a lot from Christian motifs but you get the idea), I LOVE the architecture churches and stain glass windows and even most damning of all-- any time I play some niche RPG with an 'angel' class or ability to have feathered wings I ALWAYS choose it.

Another damning thing is my relationship with the Sinnoh region of Pokemon, and the D/P/PPT series specifically. While Unova is my favorite region, Sinnoh has a special place in my heart for both being my first region and the rich 'lore' behind it. Even as a child I was kind of obsessed with the creation mythos Pokemon was dabbling with with Dialga, Palkia, Giratina and Arceus. It's no secret that Arceus is considered, well, Pokemon God for lack of better term, and the themes surrounding it are highly celestial and holy in nature. I was so obsessed with this, this ethereal being, even more so that Arceus was not legitimately obtainable back then without cheating...It made it feel even more like this sacred, untouchable and mysterious thing. It's theme too! It's almost disturbing to me in all the right ways! I remember spending hours just kinda wandering around Celestic Town and it's ruins to see if I'd unlock some never before seen dialogue or something (it was my childish whimsy, okay?). To this day I still think about the church in Hearthome city, how Game Freak went through the trouble of making a building unlike anywhere else in the game, and the inside remaining completely silent. All of it is insanely fascinating to me and I love pondering about it.

So, it's not exactly theophobia is it? Religion is like fire to me I guess, I love circling it, absorbing the concepts that are its 'warmth', but I can't touch it-- I can't interact directly with it or it will burn me. It's kind of like that.

The other time I truly thought about my relationship with religion was just last 4th of July, when my aunt invited me to a cookout at the nearby church she and my cousin used to go to. I didn't really think I'd have any issues with it, so I said sure, that I'll go. It went fine, and everyone there was kind, but I couldn't get out of my head that idea that I was in disguise again-- that the moment these people found out I wasn't religious like them that demeanor would change. It didn't help I felt like I was very noticeably different than everyone else, I even neurotically tried to dress more 'normal' than usual to avoid suspicion, but it didn't help much. There's this weird, absurdly paranoid part of my mind that keeps thinking "everyone who believes in this thing is a certain way, and if I am not it, they're definitely going to notice and scorn me". Obviously this is nowhere near the truth, but it's this thoughtcrime so baked into me I can't really get rid of it.

You know that one Marina song that goes "I'm not afraid of God, I am afraid of man." I think it's all more to the tune of something like that.

With all that said, if you are a religious person yourself reading this, please know I'm not at all saying religion itself is a bad thing nor are you wrong for believing in it. I learned from that girl I mentioned earlier that at the end of the day faith is something people find comfort in, it's meant to be something that helps them get by day to day, and I am glad people have that comfort and solace who need it, but it just isn't for me. As that same girl told me, "so that's just basically how it goes, people, interests, differences, associations" stuff like that. I'm not looking to find God or anything myself, I'm happy for you and what you have! But it just all isn't for me due to a plethora of circumstances and me as a person, that's just how it is. Please live freely as you wish, I'm just some words from a weird girl behind a screen on a little Pokemon forum.

Anyway, I just thought that was something interesting to share with everyone.

Another thing I ponder a lot is how often people ask me why I like the Subway Masters from Pokemon, and it's not a question I hate answering by any means, I love answering it actually, and every time they do I always elaborate on my answer a little more-- like how I could tell you right now how I often feel liminal spaces like trains and subway stations often feel like weirdly holy ground, but that's a topic for another day I think. I'm just a girl who thinks a lot. I guess what I mean to say is I ponder the way this question tends to crop up. I guess it's sort of unnatural to be super connected to Pokemon characters, I mean, let's be honest, we get new characters every entry in the series and it's very rare characters from past entries make a reappearance in games they are not related to. Pokemon has also never been a super plot heavy series to me, so it's not like we see a lot of facets of these characters either beyond the very subtle nuances games and supplementary media gives us-- and even then sometimes this supplementary media portrays them a little differently... so we get all these different shards of characters we already barely scratched the surface of. So yes, it makes sense to wonder why these niche characters with crumbs of dialogue and characterization. Why does she draw them, despite everything? It's an extremely valid question, and putting aside every way I've answered it before, there's another perception of it I've considered.

It's something like... how if I were to draw N or Red, that would be a little less surprising, wouldn't it? But is it less surprising because they are not niche characters, or is it less surprising because it is seen as more 'acceptable'? I'm not saying anyone is accusing me or being judgmental at all, as this something I even poke fun at myself for for enjoying some 'weird little guys'. But even my irl friends tease me like... why them? Why not some other Pokemon anime boys we know you like? LOL... I'd feel redundant if I answered the 'why' with everything I've said before, but I hope you understand what I'm getting at here. And again, none of it bothers me at all, it is just very funny and interesting to think about how us liking different characters creates these different perceptions. My friends also tell me I have a knack for getting people to like characters they otherwise wouldn't care for, such as my pivotal impact on people with Yesod Lobotomy Corporation, so maybe it's me just kind of making people aware of the beauty of things they didn't before or something like that. At any rate, I hope you don't get tired of seeing my art of them, just as I don't get tired of drawing them. That would mean a lot to me.

Sorry, this ended up kinda long, as my more pondery entries tend to be. I hope you learned something interesting about me! I know I have other stuff on the forums to get too, but as you can tell I'm kinda taking things easy right now so my RLS doesn't get worse, as I already gave myself a cold from stress and not sleeping. I appreciate everyone treating someone as flighty as me kindly and patiently as always.

I've been listening to a lot of BAD OMENS lately, they've got some really good songs, you know? I think my favorites are Nowhere to Go and THE DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND.

Hope this gives you some insight for my art inspirations, I've been drawing ribcages a lot though. I think they are beautiful.

Till next time!
1699163349217.png
 
Off-duty ▽ɞ
Been feeling insecure today, so I just wanted to say I hope the wordiness of my blog doesn’t scare people away!! LOL I wanted to share more headcanons soon because I felt a bit motivated perusing other areas of the forum, but I’m always a little shy about them, so today is just not the day… It’s cloudy outside and I’m still a little sore from my traveling, but I think I’m gonna stay in and draw today.
 
Been feeling insecure today, so I just wanted to say I hope the wordiness of my blog doesn’t scare people away!! LOL I wanted to share more headcanons soon because I felt a bit motivated perusing other areas of the forum, but I’m always a little shy about them, so today is just not the day… It’s cloudy outside and I’m still a little sore from my traveling, but I think I’m gonna stay in and draw today.
I hope to see the fruits of your labor (drawing) soon!! I'm my own brand of insanity and I really like reading your blog posts, especially if they're wordy LMAO, but that's probably something you could have guessed coming from me. 楽にしてね!
 
Off-duty ▽ɞ
If you put a drop of white paint on black and mix it together, you'll end up with a new color, but if you drop black into white, it will never return to being white... hmmm... Good fanfic potential with how that works, huh...
 
Off-duty ▽ɞ
This may just be my self conscience speaking, but I wonder if I should make a blog for headcanons and writing and the like like everyone else! They seem fun! I was going to just use threadmarks as organization and use this blog as a ‘catch all’ between that and personal life… But I wonder if my posts are too intimidating to interact with all kept under here, especially given the nature of how I discuss topics.

Hmhm, thoughts I should probably not be writing for all to see at 6 am.

At the end of the day it is ‘my blog’ and it’s up to me to curate and organize it as I see fit, but sometimes I can’t help but feel my more intrinsic posts/thoughts like the wall I made above might scare people away rather than be interesting reads… It’s cathartic to put my thoughts down in a journal form and I don’t think I’ll stop, just debating moving stuff around for the wary.

Aaah, well, maybe when I feel less scared of sharing personal projects and ideas. Apologies for a few nothing posts in a row!

soon!! I'm my own brand of insanity and I really like reading your blog posts, especially if they're wordy LMAO, but that's probably something you could have guessed coming from me. 楽にしてね!
It’s really sweet of you to say this especially since it’s relevant now!! I can only hope this is the shared sentiment across the board!! Sometimes I fear my words come off as ‘gloomy’ when I want them to appear ‘thoughtful’.

Hmhm, my time is a bit hindered right now because of my holiday visit to my parents, so I’m not where I wanna be project wise, but I hope I can flesh things out and then work on organizing stuff here by next month. One thing at a time.
 
Off-duty ▽ɞ
uggghhHHH I wanna make one more proper entry before new years, but I’ve been functioning at like. 12% capacity since getting to my parents’ house. Maybe it’s how sleepy this town is, maybe it’s the cold I’m not used to, maybe I’m just actually narcoleptic and still avoiding diagnosis or in insomnia sleep debt mode again.

Been kinda stressed but in the “I’m not getting anything done I should be getting done” stressed way, but I keep justifying it by saying “well, it’s the holidays” and “well, you never really get stuff down while you’re visiting anyway because you have to spend time looking after your parents”. So, I’m doing my best to be kinder to myself, but I hope others will be kind about it too.

Drums fingers. Been watching more anime again though, something that also tends to happen when I visit. It’s honestly kinda refreshing, it feels like I am able to properly enjoy more anime in full these days than I did a few years back. Interestingly, the time I was sort of ‘sick of anime’ was also around the era I took a break from Pokemon (around USUM and SWSH releases). I dunno if there’s any correlation there, especially since I was busy with school, but I had genuinely become jaded with anime as a medium for a bit there.

In some ways, I still am, but I’m a lot better about it, and able to enjoy series’ mostly in full again. It’s sort of like this (going on a tangent even though I said I wouldn’t, LMAO), I watch an anime, if the tropes or gimmicks are too similar to something else I watched in an insufferable fashion, I just. I can’t watch it, I won’t even give it a chance— I was immediately sick of it. It made it harder for stuff to grab me for a while, I don’t want to say I was loftily “yearning for something greater” because I also could’ve just been more depressed LOL. I often also assumed it was due to overexposure, as I’ve kind of been watching copious amounts of anime my whole life, and recently debated making a MAL for real (shocking I didn’t before, I know).

With all that said and culling any tangent thoughts from what was supposed to be a short entry— I’ve been able to watch anime again in a mostly new light, though I can still be pretty picky. When I find stuff good, I find it REALLY good, but it’s hard to “wow” me. I’m still able to enjoy more moderate things now though. Recently I’ve been watching the new season of Spy Family (good), Frieren because I read the manga for it (good), Duke of Death and His Maid (kinda has tropes I don’t care for, but it’s so unabashedly ‘itself’ I can’t help but find it cute, and the aesthetic is nice), and Arknights second season (good, but I love Arknights). I’ve been debating rewatching Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle, it’s actually one of those anime that enchanted me and influenced me both as a person and what I prefer in writing and concepts… but I memory holed a lot of it. I’m not sure why? I can only assume it’s because I watched it during my ‘repression era’ (where I stomached a lot of trauma and thus my memories of that point of my life are so sparse despite Knowing important events transpired as well). But I’m also scared to, because I fear that it won’t hold up like it does in my memory, I remember excitedly watching all 52 episodes on release and even asking my dad to buy me the OVA.

In general it’s crazy how deeply influenced by CLAMP’s works I am, but I watched so much anime (and CLAMP stuff) during such a poor time in my life all I can remember is important story beats and how strongly it made me feel.

But still, I kinda wanna peek at it again if only because I wanna see if the ‘plot twist’ still sits the same in my stomach as it did all those years ago.

Gonna cut myself off before I ramble… I just wanna get more art done and do more urhghhh!!
 
At the risk of talking way too much about myself again, haha, I can say that I've actually been feeling eerily similar myself about many of the same things that you are. Like family and staying up way too late for my own good and not getting nearly as much done as I want to and such. That last one is especially frustrating on multiple levels because there's so much "me" stuff that I want to do but I can't either because either "life" stuff that I also haven't really been accomplishing gets in the way or because I just can't find the drive or energy to do it. It sucks!

With that said, one thing that has kept the frustration at bay for me is knowing my limits, so to speak, and forgiving myself for having them while reminding myself that there's always another day to follow my ambitions. For instance, I've been wanting to launch an "omake" of sorts for my Pokémon fic Mirror Adventures for quite some time now, and I've been working on it on and off with a goal of getting a first chapter done by the end of this year... that's not going so well right now, though, haha. In order to get it done by my self-imposed deadline, I would have to dedicate a lot of time and energy to it, and honestly probably kind of rush it and cut corners as well. Doesn't sound like fun, right? Well, that's the lesson that I'm trying to give myself. Basically, said lesson is that ambition is fun and that trying to do new and amazing things to show off to people is also fun. But if the process of actually getting to that point — the joy of making the art itself, in other words — isn't fun, or if it's even stressful, then it's not worth it anymore, in which case you should give yourself permission to slow down or even stop completely if you need to, and then forgive yourself for doing so before then enjoying the peace and many other wonderful things available to you thanks to what you did. And then, perhaps, preparing for the future where you can revisit your ambitions on more pleasant terms.

Forgive me if that just sounds like rambling above, haha, but hopefully it may give you some food for thought about your own ambitions, as well as some comfort during this holiday season!
 
Forgive me if that just sounds like rambling above, haha, but hopefully it may give you some food for thought about your own ambitions, as well as some comfort during this holiday season!
And I hope you were able to find some comforts too since this last post, Baku! That thing you mentioned, going for my ambitions on pleasant terms… it’s definitely something I’m working on. Finding energy is also my big hurdle too, something like “the mind yearns but the flesh cannot”, because I’m so weak!

Speaking of, I’ll get to that shortly…

Happy (extremely late) new year, everyone! Can’t believe it’s already February, January was a blur. I actually haven’t moved my laptop back to my room, so I’m typing this impromptu entry from my phone at 3 am again.

I realized I didn’t tell the general public where I disappeared to! Sorry about that. In January I was busy with an anime con, then I had to quickly pack to return home, then my best friend arrived (who I have dubbed ‘Ingo’ in past entries to keep her anon), and just at 8 pm yesterday, her flight back home took off. She’s still on the plane as I’m typing this. I’ll backtrack a bit, but! That is where we are right now— and why I was so MIA. Sorry again! And thank you @lisianthus for pulling some huuuge weights here in my absence. You’re always amazing, Lisia.

Heading back home was a pretty rocky experience, I had another huge fight with my dad (probably a no brainer at this point, huh) a couple days before Ingo arrived. It was so bad that I said some pretty unsavory desires of mine right in front of my aunt (whom I live with now). I genuinely did consider running out the gate door and onto the busy road. That’s how upset I was. I think I would’ve gotten away with it too had I not fervently admitted my ‘urges’ to my aunt and if she were not right in front of me to stop me. We ended up having a long talk about life, and trauma and all sorts of things. I think she’s gotten a feel over the years for when she needs to keep an eye on me. I feel a bit bad about it, but I am very thankful she does.

All that said, this heaviness culminated into me confessing to my father my PTSD diagnosis. I should make it clear now that this was something… I never intended to ever tell him. I was scared that if I told him, he would blame himself for it, and while, it was true that he had a hand in the catalyst for my condition, the last thing I wanted is for him to blame himself— to take it to heart and have regret, despite everything. I fight with my dad frequently, but I don’t hate him, but I can’t live with him either, it’s complicated family stuff, yknow? But never telling him my PTSD diagnosis also would make it difficult for him to understand my issues— I had this in mind. I confessed my diagnosis to my mother about a couple years ago, and she was in agreement I shouldn’t tell my dad.

Well, I went and blew it! I laid it out on the table because I felt backed into a corner.

I admitted I had PTSD, but I omitted telling him why, just that I did. I think, because my father is quite old now, he thankfully didn’t connect the dots— or maybe he did but didn’t say. Either way, the results were as expected.

First, he was surprised, saying he thought only war veterans got that sort of thing. Funny he mentioned this, because I actually felt the same when I first got diagnosed. I think it’s because media paints the illness so strongly for veterans and doesn’t really ever mention it for any other persons, so it was also created in my mind that it was impossible for me to have such a thing until that day and I did research. His second reaction was rather as expected that, he didn’t understand me and he couldn’t understand me. This was… understandable but still disappointing on multiple levels.

I guess what I mean is, as children we grow up with this belief that our parents have our backs and that they’ll try to understand us and work with us, or so I like to think, but there were many things I couldn’t confide in my parents about— there was just a lot of stuff I had to tackle pretty early on in life alone. I guess what I mean is, him admitting he could not be a pillar of support for me didn’t really hurt me because it was a battle I was already fighting alone in the first place, because my parents have never been a huge pillar of support about this sort of stuff at all. I feel really bad typing that because it sounds so callous! But please understand I don’t mean it that way, at this point in time him saying that didn’t really mean anything to me one way or another because I was already immune, if that makes sense. He then told me he was going to tell my mom (though she already knew) and that I really, really need to go back to therapy. This was something I was already planning on, but now it was being pressed onto me by an outside force (lol…).

To be honest, I was really hoping that my confession would spur him to seek understanding me, and working with me on my issues by just understanding them and my quirks but… well, as you can tell, bringing such information out in the open pretty much didn’t move anything at all in that regard. I’m basically sitting in the same spot I was before, with my parents now simply more aware something is wrong with me rather than vaguely— but still pushing me along. After a lot more unsavory things and ugly crying, he at least got the notion to ease up on me for now… Jeez, writing all this makes me aware how much of a handful I probably am.

N-E ways, between that scuffle and having very little time to prepare my room and such for Ingo’s visit, I was quite stressed! I was a bit neurotically obsessed with making sure things were perfect, since I had such a lovely time when I visited her in England, I wanted to make sure she had an equally fantastic time. I would never admit this to her because I don’t want her to feel bad or scold me but I definitely stressed myself quite a bit over it.

My dad wasn’t helping at all, he really leaned into pressing me on making sure I don’t fuck up anything. I was very excited of course! But things were just (obviously from above) a dubious time.

We picked her up from the airport without issue, I found her right away and hugged her, balancing my dad on the phone who was driving us back to my aunt’s. She stayed exactly two weeks! The first few days we sort of went around the area shopping, then we went to Universal Studios. Ingo went crazy about the Transformers ride, I mean me too, but she took so many pictures of the queueing line itself because of all the aesthetic machinery. We both reaaaally like robots and Transformers, so it was definitely our favorite ride in the park. We had a lovely lunch there and we wore matching outfits! (Of course, we did this many times through her visit though) A couple days later we went to Disney, my friends work there so we managed to get in on their pass for free, I bought lunch as a thanks. I haven’t been to Disney in a very long time, some rides I didn’t remember at all but the real highlights were the fireworks show, seeing the show my friend worked on, and finally the new Tron ride, oh my god the Tron ride. It was insanely fun and everything I love aesthetically, I think I have to go watch Tron now. LOL.

All four of us ate snacks in the park and hung out, it was a really nice time. Universal had rides that were more my speed (excluding Tron of course) but Disney just has a really nice atmosphere. Not paying for it definitely helped (I say crassly).

Literally the next day the convention happened— the first time in over a decade I’ve had a partner to cosplay with, and the first time in a decade I’ve literally been stopped for so many photos I didn’t get to the events I wanted (LOL)! We took the con slow though, because between Universal and Disney we were winded, but it was fun to show Ingo the differences between a UK con and a US con. We also went to the arcade, and I got to show her WACCA and Chunithm— both I’m proud to say I’ve become quite good at! I’m now one level away from trying Master level on Chunithm!! It made me happy to see my improvement in real time.

We had a few stressful scenarios crop up, the biggest being Ingo’s phone breaking the day before she had to leave. We had to cancel all our plans for the day to drive around and find a same-day repair. Thankfully, we did and all was well, but we were really tired! We went home for the rest of the day and put together Gundams we bought from the Gundam store together.

All in all, the vibes were very similar to when I visited her— doing so much we exhausted ourselves but unable to stop ourselves from just doing as much as we could. We were going to draw together just like we planned when I visited her but again, we were just exhausted. I’m probably still going to be winded for a couple days to be honest.

I bought her a cake for her birthday, our two friends came over to hang out and we watched movies. We planned to roast marshmellows but we were all winded. I cooked us all dinner though!

Taking her back to the airport earlier was expectedly bittersweet. We were cracking jokes as usual the whole way, but every now and again the sadness would set in. I went so far as to pay the fee to park at the airport so I could walk her in and have dinner with her. I saw her to the gate and watched her go after we hugged. I don’t know why but, I kept turning back to see if I could still see her, like some dramatic movie LOL. I was walking pretty slow. It felt really strange to be by myself again after having someone to spend every day with for so long.

Maybe it was the pain of breaking in my new sandals, or how pretty the sunset over the high-rise parking lot was, but my whole trek to my car felt noticeably slow, like, leaving the airport would cement that this really was the end of our time together. I’m not usually a lonely person, I mean I do get lonely like anyone else, but I think this was this first time I sort of became aware of ‘being’ alone. I functioned every day like this, but now I’m more aware of it being the case, it’s strange. I’m sure it’ll wear off when I’m back to my routine, but, after a quiet drive I came back home, ate dinner and flopped into bed, leaving my chores for after I sleep. I keep checking her flight on the flight radar path to make sure she’s still flying back safely— I’m not sure why I do this because it’s not like there’s anything I can do should something occur LOL…

It’s the feeling for security, I guess.

I summarized a lot of this but still ended up writing a wall (oops). I hope the rest of this train (and Bulba itself!) have been chugging along in my absence. Rest assured (or not) I’ll be back once again momentarily. Though there’s a bit on my plate, I want to keep this energy from turning into depression, I want to spend as much time drawing and working hard as I can from here on. Something something this year is gonna be my year for sure.
 
I'm happy to hear that you had some fun while you were away! Indeed, I could really feel the joy radiating from your post as I read, haha, even after everything else. That itself brought me some comfort, I think.

It's been more than a little bit since I've visited Disney World; almost 25 years at this point? I bet a lot has changed! I can't imagine that I'll ever go there again anytime soon, but I've always wondered about it sometimes. And when I was younger there was a part of me that wanted to visit Universal Studios one day, too (I've never been). But I think that Disney is also more of my speed myself, you know? Call it the dreaming, sentimental child still in me, I suppose!

Also, it's great that you have still family to lean on when other family members don't always seem to be quite there for you, if you know what I mean. I haven't always had that myself, so I'm happy for you.

But anyways, it'll be good to see you back here again! I hope that you can use your positive experiences from this first month of 2024 to make the rest of your year exactly what you want it to be! I'll be rooting for you as always...
 
I've missed you so much! But at the same time, I'm really grateful that you were able to hang with Ingo for a while, I knew how important it would be for you! It seems like it paid off, especially with all the prep you did.

Although, in a way, I'm almost a bit sad she had to leave? Even though I'm really happy to see you around, part of me wishes you could have had even more fun times with her, lol. Maybe next year, right? But... I dunno. Please give her a ginormous 'thanks' from me if you will, okay?

There's not very much I feel like I can say... I know things have been tough lately, but I'm glad you're doing better now. You always show how strong you are, and I'm forever proud of you for it! I know you'll be able to carry this energy on to make this year a good one, and I'll be cheering you on the entire way, I promise.

....I'm really happy to see you around. I don't think I realized how much I missed you until I saw you around again LOL...

Once you're free, let's catch up, okay? Really glad you're here, I know I've said that a bit already, but it's the truth.✧ You're even more amazing I believe! ♡♡
 
Back
Top Bottom