A Train Of Thought ▽ɞ

[Blanc]

Do androids dream of electric sheep?

Or something like that. Have you ever watched the anime Ghost in the Shell? It’s one of my favorites for sure, among others like it, such as Nier:Automata. I have this strange fondness for anime and media that discuss the thin line between what constitutes humanity or machine, something I feel even Evangelion discusses to an intrinsic degree (more on the edge of what constitutes living, but I digress). I don’t want to start off too in the weeds here, but I want to emphasize why I think it’s important to try looking into media that really makes you think about what makes you a person regardless of if you’re flesh or carbon. (Sounds like I really should get to making that anime review blog…)

“Relatability to us” feels far too bold and broad a take, but I can’t deny there’s some sort of human empathy involved when we look at AI in media through a lens of comparison to ourselves. These beings are extensions of us, machines created to surpass us in all forms, yet falling just short enough that their imperfections are seen as a stronger blight than any human flaw.

Okay. Yeah. I’ll cut to the chase, lemme talk about Lobotomy Corporation.

You have probably seen a multitude of these characters over on my art blog, but given this is a Pokemon forum after all, I never really got into explaining myself with this series, and to be honest, it’s a whole ass iceberg, and I’m not even going to be scratching the surface of my history or degree of separation from this indie game as a whole.

If you’re perhaps a weirdo like me and can stomach some (light) gore, I strongly recommend checking out this SCP-inspired sim, and I’m not just saying that because I aided in the localization of it, I’m saying it because now that it is in a readable form, the message it carries is stronger than before. But I’m not going to get into that right now, right now I want to get into the portrayal of man versus machine that the game carries with as little spoilers as I can. Within the company, the player has 9 (deeply flawed) AI working underneath you, AI that culminate into boss battles that almost are more fittingly trials of atoning for the sins you, the player, unknowingly caused. Besides these AI is your much more perfect assistant, Angela, who, unlike the 9 beneath you, appears as the only machine in your workplace free of human flaws, and thus, the easiest to confide in, while also being the furthest familiar to you at the same time.

The difference here is that the Sephirah, as the 9 are called, have a semblance of humanity where Angela does not. Ironically, Angela is the sole AI constructed with imitating a human in mind, a particular person— more specifically, but still a concept she is far, far removed from. Angela is without flaws, Angela will never be her, Angela will never meet your expectations because she is a perfect machine.

You may walk away feeling you failed this AI ‘daughter’ you didn’t even know you had, and honestly, I think that may be the feeling of guilt you’re meant to have. Her suffering is just as real as the other Sephirah, even if she isn’t a construct made from the essence of humanity as they were, her desire to be human is less a desire for equal treatment and more just a desire to be heard and understood, something she would never receive so long as the corporate world saw her as a product. I don’t want this to sound like a long-winded take of “I like media where people realize robots are people too”, I want to get across I like media where what we perceive as human is tested with a macabre imitation, what does it take for us to see something as a plight equal to our own? People probably think the answer is simple, but I think not so much.

Machines can be manufactured, they can be rebuilt, their memory systems are much more permanent in a passage of time than our squishy organic brains, they can simply be backed up and reloaded. When you take some logical facts into account, would you be able to say their life is as precious as yours in a dire situation? Naturally I think it would be nice to see a future this is the case, but like Angela, we may be stuck in the ‘product’ phase due to these fail-safes. If things can be ‘lost’ does that mean they are more precious?

Droning shower thoughts lmao.

At any rate, I love chewing on media that challenges me, stuff that really makes me stew and feel a lot of emotions, even if they are not so great. I have a soft spot for those super niche OVA anime from the early 2000s that explore these ideas just enough to leave you thinking, but never have the chance or desire to give you the full picture.

Or you can watch something like Serial Experiments Lain and get a similar effect. I’m not one to force a round peg into a square hole. Whatever pogs your gourd or shakes your almonds.

 

[Blanc]

Hurricane is passing through, I've been binging minecraft a lot lately. it's a place of zen for me lately. I love love love building things. Trying to be good about taking my meds again but they make me really nauseated sometimes waaaa. Pokemon Go Fest made me so tired!!! (i built a gazebo, i love building those)

Spoiler: gazeboooo

 

[Blanc]

Mr. White I don't feel like myself rn. (THIS FEELS REALLY WEIRD BUT IM GONNA COMMIT FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME)

LMAOOOOO anyways.

Pretty graphics, ooh! (You must tell me what mods those are…)

I use good ol' BSL for my shaders! As for the mods... It's quite a lot of them! It's a modpack I made myself based on stuff I wanted and friend recs. I'd have to pass you the google drive link cause there's just far too many.

Not a Minecraft player myself, but if I was born a little later I probably would’ve been so into it.

Then you may be surprised to hear I did not grow up with Minecraft, I actually never touched the game till I was like 20. It's never too late! It's a game for any age, I think!

And thank you as always Baku, hopefully I can get some actual sleep and not feel sick soon TT_TT

I'm on my building binge, this time I made myself a house following a few tutorials on youtube! (I struggle with bigger builds)

Spoiler: im going sicko mode

 

[Blanc]

Smallest update, my RLS has been really bad today so I didn't achieve anything I wanted to uwaa. But my silly little Deoxys plush arrived today! Been toting him around because he's sooo huggable and like a weighted blanket, it's helping me a lot.

Spoiler: friend shaped

I don't want to turn this into a rant or anything, but I was pondering today about how easily/badly my body seems to react to stress. I've been (wo)manning subway mastering? the house myself for almost two weeks now because my aunt has been on vacation in Italy. It's not too bad, my chores are a bit more than usual but nothing world ending of course. LOL. The hardest part actually is my paranoia spiking real bad, paranoia over really neurotic and farfetched stuff-- the usual drill (I keep panicking thinking that something will go wrong or that I'm going to be killed or something. Insane stuff like that).

Today one of the cats was being a little mischievous and knocking stuff over in the house and making a bunch of noise, and I didn't realize it was him at first and it really scared me, embarrassingly enough. This whole ordeal made my RLS flare up immensely, and it became impossible to rest after I had already forgotten my medication. The doorbell rang soon after though, and it turned out to be the arrival of my Deoxys plush I ordered! LMAO (someone was selling him for 35 dollars can u believe it...) Gonna sound cheesy but this plush is like a weighted blanket, which is something I've kind of put off investing but need for a condition like mine, so it helped ease me a lot. I think this little guy is gonna be pretty important to my stress process going forward!

But it really got me thinking how much I really don't like how much I genetically inherited handicaps. It kinda really sucks but that's life. I guess as I'm getting older it's becoming more apparent and it's been kinda tricky and difficult to come to terms with how much the mere feeling of stress goes against my body. It's a bit discouraging. I always want to do way more than I am but I'm so hindered by the flesh. Hopefully Deoxys will provide some comfort at least.

On another note, I've been roleplaying a Volo and Emmet scenario with a close friend of mine, and it's been fantastic LMAO.

Spoiler: scribbles inspired by said rp i didnt wanna clutter my art thread with

I'll finish this game of catchup eventually (I even gotta finish the teal mask dlc still)... at least rp always inspires me. Gotta finish stuff fr!!

 

[Blanc]

Something tells me that you’d much rather be asleep right now if you could. But in my case, it’s just another one of “those nights”.

That rings true even now… LOL. Unfortunately been up due to my mania this time, what a world. Gonna try and sleep again but I may het up and get back to work!!

I‘ve actually had my own family pet — a little puppy —

Awww I’d LOVE to see your puppy sometime!! A few months ago my aunt and I took care of a stray kitten and she was the cutest little thing, we gave her to the neighbor since we have three cats.

Apologies again for lack of proper posts! October has turned out to be a particularly busy month, much to my dismay (since it’s my favorite…) Between fic writing, two projects for my professor in the 3D side of things, cleaning, and preparing for my best friend to visit next year on TOP of other obligations… I’ve been pretty stressed out. All work and no play makes Blanc a dull Subway Master, if you get me (sick movie reference). Should have my RP for this place ready by the end of the year I hope!

My legs are killing me right now, I’ve been using this lavender serum my aunt got me while she was in France and it has been working wonderfully to get rid of the aches, but I still feel soreness whenever I move. Buuut I’m not here to talk about my woes right now, I can’t sleep and maybe in a moment of derangement I finally decided I’m going to do something I’ve been meaning to do for months… Share with you some of my headcanons about my boys! Of course it won’t be all of them or anything, just the ones off the top of my head. It’s no secret I roleplay in my spare time, but I have to be honest that I’m usually pretty private about this stuff because… I get embarrassed LOL. I dunno, I’ve always been sort of closed off about my ideas when they’re not on a canvas.

So! I propose a trade! After you read these, tell me some of your own headcanons about your favorite characters! It’s something I like to do with friends so we can think of scenarios they interact! It’s cute I think. No pressure, of course!

in no real order…

some headcanons for both ▲▽ (I’ll do individual headcanons for them later o/)

▲▽ Born in Galar and moved to Unova young enough that they barely remember it. Given Galar is a mirror of real world England, that means trains were first developed there.

▲▽ Following the above, neither of them really have an accent, Ingo’s does come out sometimes. Emmet has been totally Unovified and lacks a Galarian accent entirely.

▲▽ Also following the above (and stealing this idea from an artist I admire) their last name is Ashford, the last name of a real world London Underground Chief (afraid I lost the source for this one a few months ago, tragically. Will update if I find it again!).

▲▽ Both have their own form of separation anxiety without the other.

▲▽ Of course no one could tell them apart were they to dress exactly alike, but if someone was astute enough to pay attention to their body language, they could tell the difference.

▲▽ Chandelure was a gift from their mother (whom it belonged to), who lovingly nicknamed it Chamomile (♀). Chandelure technically belongs to both of them, but Ingo is the one often handling her and using her in battle, given he’s the older twin.

▲▽ In a similar vein, Emmet’s Eelektross named Melty (also ♀) is actually the child of their father’s Eelektross.

▲▽ Their mother was the Subway Master before them, their father was a railway engineer in Motostoke, and then Nimbasa before he passed away when they were children.

▲▽ Mom’s still alive, but she’s out traveling the world like she never got to do as a young trainer since she was a prodigy early much like her children. She’s enjoying her wanderlust in her retirement but she’s not so great at keeping in touch.

▲▽ Their mother is named Brynn (a pun on fire and brimstone). Their father is Wilhelm (Just so their initials together can be BW lol)

▲▽ Ingo tends to name his team after books he reads in his spare time. Emmet gives his cutesy pet-like names.

▲▽ For decorum, neither of them use their Pokemon’s nicknames on the Subway. They only call them by name off-duty.

Spoiler: Ingo’s team

Chandelure - Chamomile ♀(Named after the tea their mother loved and gave them often when they were sick. Chamomile served as a guardian to them.)
Haxorus- Dame ♀( The female term for a knight, a name given to fit her might.)
Klingklang - Gawain ( Gawain was a knight of the Round Table in Aurthurian legend.)
Crustle - Sage ♂(The scent it carries)
Garbodor - Nemo ♂(Named after Captain Nemo, from 10,000 Leagues under the sea)
Excadrill- Pierce ♂(To impale, to puncture like a lance)

Spoiler: Emmet’s team

Eelektross - Melty ♀(No one really knows. He named her when she was just a Tynamo and he was equally small)
Galvantula - Bibi ♀(Meant to sound like ‘biribiri’, the sound of static electricity.)
Klingklang - ‘Tempy’ (Temporal) - (The outlier in naming conventions because it was a gift from Ingo, and he had named it. Emmet however only ever calls it Tempy for short)
Durant - ‘Knono’ (Knoll) ♂(Knoll means a mound or small hill, like an ant hill! Though Emmet named this one himself, he calls it Knono for short.)
Archeops - ‘Plu’ (Plume) ♂(Plumage, feathers. Often called Plu for short)
The joltiks of the station - Usually all named after baked goods or candy of some sort (Biscuit, Butterscotch, Gummi, Creme… etc)

▲▽ They work as a support and offense in battle respectively (reflected in the games as well!) Ingo’s Pokemon work as supports to Emmet’s, making opportunities for him to deliver some nasty blows, though Emmet’s are poor at standing on their own.

▲▽ They cover each other’s weaknesses. Emmet is not so good at Single battles, and Ingo Doubles— and vice versa.

That’s all I can think of for now LOL. Enjoy? I guess if you want to ask anything specific, feel free! As said I’ll post individual ones later if I manage to muster up the courage. Thank you for reading my silly little headcanons!

 

[Blanc]

Been feeling insecure today, so I just wanted to say I hope the wordiness of my blog doesn’t scare people away!! LOL I wanted to share more headcanons soon because I felt a bit motivated perusing other areas of the forum, but I’m always a little shy about them, so today is just not the day… It’s cloudy outside and I’m still a little sore from my traveling, but I think I’m gonna stay in and draw today.

 

[Blanc]

If you put a drop of white paint on black and mix it together, you'll end up with a new color, but if you drop black into white, it will never return to being white... hmmm... Good fanfic potential with how that works, huh...

 

[Blanc]

This may just be my self conscience speaking, but I wonder if I should make a blog for headcanons and writing and the like like everyone else! They seem fun! I was going to just use threadmarks as organization and use this blog as a ‘catch all’ between that and personal life… But I wonder if my posts are too intimidating to interact with all kept under here, especially given the nature of how I discuss topics.

Hmhm, thoughts I should probably not be writing for all to see at 6 am.

At the end of the day it is ‘my blog’ and it’s up to me to curate and organize it as I see fit, but sometimes I can’t help but feel my more intrinsic posts/thoughts like the wall I made above might scare people away rather than be interesting reads… It’s cathartic to put my thoughts down in a journal form and I don’t think I’ll stop, just debating moving stuff around for the wary.

Aaah, well, maybe when I feel less scared of sharing personal projects and ideas. Apologies for a few nothing posts in a row!

soon!! I'm my own brand of insanity and I really like reading your blog posts, especially if they're wordy LMAO, but that's probably something you could have guessed coming from me. 楽にしてね！♡

It’s really sweet of you to say this especially since it’s relevant now!! I can only hope this is the shared sentiment across the board!! Sometimes I fear my words come off as ‘gloomy’ when I want them to appear ‘thoughtful’.

Hmhm, my time is a bit hindered right now because of my holiday visit to my parents, so I’m not where I wanna be project wise, but I hope I can flesh things out and then work on organizing stuff here by next month. One thing at a time.

 

[Blanc]

uggghhHHH I wanna make one more proper entry before new years, but I’ve been functioning at like. 12% capacity since getting to my parents’ house. Maybe it’s how sleepy this town is, maybe it’s the cold I’m not used to, maybe I’m just actually narcoleptic and still avoiding diagnosis or in insomnia sleep debt mode again.

Been kinda stressed but in the “I’m not getting anything done I should be getting done” stressed way, but I keep justifying it by saying “well, it’s the holidays” and “well, you never really get stuff down while you’re visiting anyway because you have to spend time looking after your parents”. So, I’m doing my best to be kinder to myself, but I hope others will be kind about it too.

Drums fingers. Been watching more anime again though, something that also tends to happen when I visit. It’s honestly kinda refreshing, it feels like I am able to properly enjoy more anime in full these days than I did a few years back. Interestingly, the time I was sort of ‘sick of anime’ was also around the era I took a break from Pokemon (around USUM and SWSH releases). I dunno if there’s any correlation there, especially since I was busy with school, but I had genuinely become jaded with anime as a medium for a bit there.

In some ways, I still am, but I’m a lot better about it, and able to enjoy series’ mostly in full again. It’s sort of like this (going on a tangent even though I said I wouldn’t, LMAO), I watch an anime, if the tropes or gimmicks are too similar to something else I watched in an insufferable fashion, I just. I can’t watch it, I won’t even give it a chance— I was immediately sick of it. It made it harder for stuff to grab me for a while, I don’t want to say I was loftily “yearning for something greater” because I also could’ve just been more depressed LOL. I often also assumed it was due to overexposure, as I’ve kind of been watching copious amounts of anime my whole life, and recently debated making a MAL for real (shocking I didn’t before, I know).

With all that said and culling any tangent thoughts from what was supposed to be a short entry— I’ve been able to watch anime again in a mostly new light, though I can still be pretty picky. When I find stuff good, I find it REALLY good, but it’s hard to “wow” me. I’m still able to enjoy more moderate things now though. Recently I’ve been watching the new season of Spy Family (good), Frieren because I read the manga for it (good), Duke of Death and His Maid (kinda has tropes I don’t care for, but it’s so unabashedly ‘itself’ I can’t help but find it cute, and the aesthetic is nice), and Arknights second season (good, but I love Arknights). I’ve been debating rewatching Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle, it’s actually one of those anime that enchanted me and influenced me both as a person and what I prefer in writing and concepts… but I memory holed a lot of it. I’m not sure why? I can only assume it’s because I watched it during my ‘repression era’ (where I stomached a lot of trauma and thus my memories of that point of my life are so sparse despite Knowing important events transpired as well). But I’m also scared to, because I fear that it won’t hold up like it does in my memory, I remember excitedly watching all 52 episodes on release and even asking my dad to buy me the OVA.

In general it’s crazy how deeply influenced by CLAMP’s works I am, but I watched so much anime (and CLAMP stuff) during such a poor time in my life all I can remember is important story beats and how strongly it made me feel.

But still, I kinda wanna peek at it again if only because I wanna see if the ‘plot twist’ still sits the same in my stomach as it did all those years ago.

Gonna cut myself off before I ramble… I just wanna get more art done and do more urhghhh!!

 

[Blanc]

will be back and say hi properly later just busy making peace with being god's weirdest little social experiment again u know how it is!!!!!!!!!!!!