RaccoonGoon
Vile Insect.
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Fine, fine. Like many have said, try to make it longer. You have improved, I will say. Just don't give up, I guess.
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Ash Ketchum's Story
- Thread starter CyberPika
- Start date
Chimchar98
New Member
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Right! Build eachother up, not break eachother down.
- Thread starter
- #103
No need to be a asshole about it. If you do not like do not read or post idiot.
RaccoonGoon
Vile Insect.
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Look at my second post, friend.
- Thread starter
- #105
Special thanks to my cousin for helping me with grammar and editing.
C 13
"What are you talking about, Gary?" Ash asked.
Gary's glistening green eyes never left Ash.
"I'm sorry. I wish there was another way, but there is not. Something's happening, Ash. And it's bigger than you or me."
Ash was getting angry. Gary had the same smug look on his face like he always did during their childhood like he took particular joy in having knowledge that Ash did not.
"What are you talking about? What's happening?"
"It's none of your concern, Ashy Boy. I'm sorry, but your journey ends here."
Gary had a slight expression of regret on his sweaty face while he removed a silver pistol from under his shirt. He pointed it at Ash through the bars of his cell and took a deep breath.
"Goodbye, old friend," Gary said.
A twinge of fear overcame Ash. His knees began to shake when he realized Gary wasn't kidding. But Ash not going to beg for his life. He looked Gary dead in the eye and scowled.
Suddenly however, a ringing sound came from Gary's pocket. Startled, he lowered his weapon and took out his cellphone to answer.
"Yes?"
"Is the boy dead yet?" a man's voice on the other line said.
"No, sir. But I'm taking care of it."
"Change of plans," the voice said. "Bring the boy to me."
Gary's expression changed to one of surprise. He holstered his weapon.
"Sir. Are you sure? We went to so much work to capture him. He's a strong trainer. There is definitely a risk in keeping him alive. We should get rid of him while we can."
"This is not a debate, Oak! Bring te boy to me! Now!"
"Y-yes sir. I'll bring him there right away. I'm sorry."
Gary angrily replaced his phone and pointed the gun at Ash once again. He looked upset.
"Alright. There's been a change. You get to live -- for now. You're coming with me to see my boss."
"I'm not going anywhere with you!" Ash shouted.
Gary chuckled and put away his gun. He unlocked Ash's cell.
"You're gonna do exactly what I say, Ashy Boy."
"How do you figure?"
"Well, my boss has your mom's house in Pallet surrounded by armed guards. If you don't do exactly what I say, those men have orders to kill your mom."
Ash's eyes grew wide and his felt the rage building in his body. He clenched his fists and growled.
"I don't believe you, Gary."
Gary laughed. He took out his cell phone again and pushed a few buttons. He handed the phone to Ash through the bars.
"Here. See for yourself."
On the phone's screen, Ash saw many men gathered around the outside of his home. The men were dressed in black and were carrying guns and had fearsome Pokemon along with them.
"I can't believe this! Why are you doing this Gary!"
"I already told you, Ash. Something big is happening. It's going to happen whether you like it or not, so you might as well cooperate and save your mother's life."
Ash grabbed the bars of his cell angrily.
"Professor Oak will never let this happen!"
Gary sneered, "Grandpa?"
He laughed more and packed up his bag to leave. He unlocked Ash's cell door and opened it. Ash could have tried to escape right then and there, but he couldn't. Not while his mother was at the mercy of those men. He had no choice.
"Professor Oak will stop you!"
"Grandpa's already dead," Gary said without emotion. "I killed him. He can't do anything about this."
To be continued.
C 13
"What are you talking about, Gary?" Ash asked.
Gary's glistening green eyes never left Ash.
"I'm sorry. I wish there was another way, but there is not. Something's happening, Ash. And it's bigger than you or me."
Ash was getting angry. Gary had the same smug look on his face like he always did during their childhood like he took particular joy in having knowledge that Ash did not.
"What are you talking about? What's happening?"
"It's none of your concern, Ashy Boy. I'm sorry, but your journey ends here."
Gary had a slight expression of regret on his sweaty face while he removed a silver pistol from under his shirt. He pointed it at Ash through the bars of his cell and took a deep breath.
"Goodbye, old friend," Gary said.
A twinge of fear overcame Ash. His knees began to shake when he realized Gary wasn't kidding. But Ash not going to beg for his life. He looked Gary dead in the eye and scowled.
Suddenly however, a ringing sound came from Gary's pocket. Startled, he lowered his weapon and took out his cellphone to answer.
"Yes?"
"Is the boy dead yet?" a man's voice on the other line said.
"No, sir. But I'm taking care of it."
"Change of plans," the voice said. "Bring the boy to me."
Gary's expression changed to one of surprise. He holstered his weapon.
"Sir. Are you sure? We went to so much work to capture him. He's a strong trainer. There is definitely a risk in keeping him alive. We should get rid of him while we can."
"This is not a debate, Oak! Bring te boy to me! Now!"
"Y-yes sir. I'll bring him there right away. I'm sorry."
Gary angrily replaced his phone and pointed the gun at Ash once again. He looked upset.
"Alright. There's been a change. You get to live -- for now. You're coming with me to see my boss."
"I'm not going anywhere with you!" Ash shouted.
Gary chuckled and put away his gun. He unlocked Ash's cell.
"You're gonna do exactly what I say, Ashy Boy."
"How do you figure?"
"Well, my boss has your mom's house in Pallet surrounded by armed guards. If you don't do exactly what I say, those men have orders to kill your mom."
Ash's eyes grew wide and his felt the rage building in his body. He clenched his fists and growled.
"I don't believe you, Gary."
Gary laughed. He took out his cell phone again and pushed a few buttons. He handed the phone to Ash through the bars.
"Here. See for yourself."
On the phone's screen, Ash saw many men gathered around the outside of his home. The men were dressed in black and were carrying guns and had fearsome Pokemon along with them.
"I can't believe this! Why are you doing this Gary!"
"I already told you, Ash. Something big is happening. It's going to happen whether you like it or not, so you might as well cooperate and save your mother's life."
Ash grabbed the bars of his cell angrily.
"Professor Oak will never let this happen!"
Gary sneered, "Grandpa?"
He laughed more and packed up his bag to leave. He unlocked Ash's cell door and opened it. Ash could have tried to escape right then and there, but he couldn't. Not while his mother was at the mercy of those men. He had no choice.
"Professor Oak will stop you!"
"Grandpa's already dead," Gary said without emotion. "I killed him. He can't do anything about this."
To be continued.
Soulmaster
Notification King 1111
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you plot twists are very good and unexpected. you still could use a bit more description but you are getting better by the minute
Chimchar98
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^ *nods in agreement* Here's one person who is hoping this has a good payoff.
Soulmaster
Notification King 1111
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you can make that two people
Woah, now I'm really curious. The plot seems to be really well thought out, and the description is getting better, though it could use a little more. I like how you made sure Gary kept his disrespectful tone towards Ash 
Sushi-X
Born at a Yung Age
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You have impressed me beyond all expectations.
When I saw you at first, I thought you were merely a troll trying to hog attention.
But now I see you truly are trying, all I can advise you is to keep writing and always get better.
You may not have your own style or spunk yet, but you do have the will.
And that is what truly makes successful writers successful.
When I saw you at first, I thought you were merely a troll trying to hog attention.
But now I see you truly are trying, all I can advise you is to keep writing and always get better.
You may not have your own style or spunk yet, but you do have the will.
And that is what truly makes successful writers successful.
- Thread starter
- #111
Ok thank you. I have learned a lot from this grammar book my brother has for school. It is really helpful for writing fics. And I am trying to get better at grammar.
Know something cool? I am getting better grades in literature and writing in school since I start this fic.
Know something cool? I am getting better grades in literature and writing in school since I start this fic.
RaccoonGoon
Vile Insect.
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- Apr 20, 2010
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Good for you! Keep it up.
VirtualAnomaly
Raja of Pala
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You've progressively been getting better throughout the story. Keep up the good work!
Chimchar98
New Member
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Nice to have you back!
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