MATURE: BLACKOUT

[Oblivion]

BLACKOUT
(Banner in Progress)

PROLOGUE

Darkness.

A force that has struck uncertainty, doubt, fear, into the heart of man since the beginning. But, what we have discovered, is that man does not fear the darkness itself. No, man fears what might grow from that darkness, what is concealed in the darkness, waiting for an opportune moment to strike.

We have perfected a device, a wonderful yet simultaneously horrible device, made to completely shatter the stability of any electrically powered piece of machinery. And, at this point in time, man has become far, far too dependent on their technology. They put too much trust in their devices, their flimsy securities, to have prepared for this kind of a calamity.

In an instant, once night had settled, all light fled from the region of Unova. As an ominous signal began sounding, akin to a slowed-down and lower-pitched siren, giant neon signs seemed to blink out of existence. The navigation systems of countless aircraft and naval vessels, as well as control towers and lighthouses, all powered down in the blink of an eye. People began, however slowly, noticing that power was not functioning.

Panic quickly settled in. All of the frantic attempts to regain power failed. Unprecedented numbers of airplanes were sent hurling into the ground, and an equally large number of ships were ran aground, all at once. We simply allowed the chaos to fester for a few days, before making our presence known. Out of the darkness we came, personifying ourselves as the darkspawn, the lurking creatures, the true reason for man's fear of the dark. In short time, we asserted our dominion, not only through technological superiority, but through psychological manipulation. We instilled the belief that we were everywhere, that we could strike at any moment, that we were always watching, through a string of what would be considered as horrendous killing sprees. But oftentimes, in order to guarantee the success of an empire, some things must be done.

Today, over four months after the beginning of our rule, our hold is still strong. We now have the entirety of Unova in the palm of our outstretched hand, and have made our base of headquarters at the Central Plaza of Castelia City. At this point, the region is surrounded by a shroud of darkness, plunging it into perpetual, pitch-black night. But, as of recently, new issues have arisen. A new, more unified, and much more problematic rebellion, calling themselves the Reborn. In addition, a plague is starting to sweep across the region, possibly a side effect of our technology. It is mutating human and Pokemon alike into feral, contagious beasts, losing any degree of intelligence, but gaining enhanced strength. These threats shall be terminated with utmost haste.

We are the monsters hiding in the shadows.

We are the curse that will strip the world of all light.

We are BLACKOUT.​

 

[Legacy]

Epically dark!

I'll be excited to read this.

 

[Cabaret]

This was quite "dark".

My kind of story, this is just too interesting to stop reading.

 

[Gama]

This sounds excellent and I look forward to reading more.

I have just one criticism. I don't know if rushed is the right word but... I just felt like this was over a little too quickly. Enough happened in this prologue for it to have been three times the length, with each third just as good as what you gave. I think you kept it light on the ground intentionally but I still felt like you could have gone into a bit more detail in places without giving away too much.

For instance, it would have been nice to know a little more about the nature of their psychological manipulation. How did they go about convincing everyone that they could be everywhere? How did they even make themselves known? Perhaps you will tackle this in future chapters...

Anyway, I certainly enjoyed this. Please keep up the good work.

 

[Cutlerine]

This reminds me of the prologue to Michael Crichton's Congo, though I'm not sure why - it might just be because it has such a good ending, setting the reader up perfectly for something huge and dark. Those last three lines are fantastic, by the way; they're exactly the sort of thing a prologue for a story like this needs, so well done there.

I do have one criticism, though, and it's along the same lines as Gastly's Mama's: far too much happened in far too few words. This is a prologue; we're supposed to be given a taste of what's to come to whet our appetite. That happens - but then we also get a whole lot of information dumped onto us in one go, in a place where it doesn't belong. Preferably, all that exposition would be given to us bit by bit throughout the first few chapters; the reader neither needs nor wants to be given everything at the start. Everything is much more interesting when you don't know what it is, especially in a story like this. Alternatively (because people like alternatives) you could go with what Gastly's Mama suggested and make the prologue longer - but I think that part of its strength lies in its brevity. I wouldn't want it to be much longer than it was, or, because of the amount of detail in it, it would start to turn into a first chapter and the ending would lose some of its impact.

Having said that, you leave enough unsaid that I still want to read more - the nature of the psychological manipulation, the motives of the narrators and, most importantly, the identity of the narrators, for instance. This means that your over-exposition hasn't robbed the prologue of all its power. It's still good - I just think that it could be even better, and better is always desirable.

And since I've already made it pretty clear that I'd like to read more, I won't say it again, and will content myself with saying that I hope further chapters fulfil the excellent standards you've set with the prologue.

F.A.B.