blogyllium

[beryllium]

hello people, animals, pokemon, and fellow sentient objects! i have, after some deliberation, decided to create a blog instead of just posting to my profile whenever i have an opinion on anything or have anything going on on my life i need to get off my chest.
anyone at all can comment, the only rules are A. follow general bulbagarden site rules and B. NO OMORI SPOILERS! (or any other spoilers for that matter)

general life updates on this day:

• i have decided not to talk to the one friend anymore. context is on my profile but i'll tell you what happened if you ask me
• i have also decided (after considering it for several months, actually) to retire from competitive strive. unfortunately, i think my honeymoon phase with the game is over and i really no longer enjoy having to claw my way towards the top of celestial every month. i am planning on dedicating more time to sfvi and tekken 7 (which i'm sure i'll forfeit after the release of tekken 8). my guilty gear journey isn't over, though, as i will be returning to xrd rev 2, but most of my time is allotted to the other two
• on the subject of street fighter i need to mention how excited i am for a.k.i. i was afraid at first i was not going to like her, but i've been increasingly more impatient for her release lately. the thing is, while i did kind of like f.a.n.g's playstyle in sfv, i could not stand to look at him. i don't "waifu/husbando pick" my characters, and it's not like i'm allergic to playing characters i'm not attracted to (because that's just stupid), but his design was just so grotesque in every costume i couldn't take it. i can actually stand to look at a.k.i, which already puts her a few steps above him. i also find her backstory very intriguing if not incredibly disturbing, and it is a wish of mine that capcom can handle the subject matter carefully. (for more context, she's implied to be the "phantom" girl in the toxicity side reader that takes place after sfv. once again i'll elaborate if you ask, but i'm not putting it here otherwise. the subject matter can be considered emotionally distressing to people for reasons i completely understand, so if you have personal trauma for whatever reason, i probably would not just google it) however, i do have faith in them considering how well-written and thoughtful days of the eclipse was... it made me cry several times. i really love ken (just in case you didn't already know!) so to see him go through such horrendous things put quite the damper of my mood for a while. (also, did anyone else notice juri referred to seth with they/them pronouns? it makes me so happy capcom decided to confirm seth as genderqueer)
• i have an ap chem test tomorrow. i am not excited. this class is so difficult anything above an 80% is an A and i'm pretty sure you don't fail unless you get below 25-30%. even half right is like, a B- or something. and it HAS to be like that to stop everyone from flunking out because of how difficult it is to get above a 90 on anything. in the history of the class nobody has ever gotten a perfect score on any test. oh well. i signed up for this so i may as well bite the bullet. i've been studying hard, so at least i know i tried. i will be updating this with how it went afterwards as well as whenever it is i get the score back.

i think that's everything notable as of the moment, thank you for reading! see you all around, milkshayke out!

 

[beryllium]

daily entry numero dos
i feel atrocious ^^
on the plus side, at least i think that test didn't go so poorly after all?
ive spent a lot of this morning listening to maretu (for those not in the know, he's a vocaloid artist who makes primarily edm and is notorious for his very happy-sounding songs with dark, depressing, or sometimes just straight-up disturbing lyrics)
i'm very grateful it's friday. it very much feels about time for a weekend. the last one went by too quickly. too busy being taken to a football match featuring the worst team in the nfl at my brother's behest and picking apples for six hours the following day (actually the apple picking was maybe an hour and a half, afterwards my sister ran off by herself to pick flowers for a good three hours... while we waited... outside... on an 85 degree (fahrenheit, obviously) day. then we got milkshakes which was indubitably the best part. so i didn't really have time to myself, which i guess is okay sometimes. it's not like we always get what we want, and maybe it's good to get out of the house on the weekends once in a while. i will treasure having the next three days to lounge around, though.
milkshayke out blah blah blah

 

[beryllium]

heheh... daily updates... o.o
thats what i get for uh... yeah, ig

actually what do i even write about here. i forgot what i even created this thing for ngl. well whatever!! in that case i'm just gonna dump my. street fighter opinions here bc its my Really Big hyperfixation rn and the only other place i ever talk about it is my tumblr and my two biggest sf moots are. well i love them to pieces, they are great and weve had some really excellent discussions abt the series before, but like sometimes i want more people besides just two to talk about something i love so much with. yknow?

• a.k.i dear lord. no i dont play her. i CANT play her bc i cant play those kinds of trickstery characters because i have a very smooth brain but i love her. i love a.k.i she is evil and traumatized and perfect. i actually love juri's... redemption arc or whatever... ok not redemption because shes more chaotic neutral than actually good but she improved as a person (somewhat) definitely, but i hope a.k.i doesnt get one really bc i just want a woman in this series to be actually evil. i want her to be a sympathetic villain while still actually being a villain. juri is obviously flawed morally but shes not even really a villain anymore, despite what capcom keeps trying to push. like, shes mean (karin is mean --> not a villain) and sexual (poison is sexual --> not a villain) and an assassin (cammy is/was an assassin --> not a villain) but she just has... i dont know. burnout. no drive jokes here. i mean, she just seems drained mentally. well. think about it. imagine you have this great life and then all of a sudden your loving parents are murdered right in front of you, and then you're tortured and get your eye ripped out by the same guy who killed them, and then used by the same guy as a guinea pig for his wackass experiments. then you become super powerful but you're also fucked mentally and decide your life mission from here on out is killing this guy for ruining your life. you come so so so close, but at the last second the one who actually killed him was some fucking rando who only has plot relevancy because of poster child syndrome. you were five seconds away from reaching the one thing you had lived for for over a decade, and then some random-ass guy takes that all away from you, shamelessly, not even knowing what it is he's done. people trash juri for being overly edgy or trashy or whatever. i think those people would actually be handling her situation much worse if that stuff happened to them. (and yeah... her source material sexualizes her, so does the fanbase, but is that not technically capcom's fault instead of juri herself's?)
• well, to get back to the point... juri is cool and not really that bad of a person despite what people say (i mean... not good. but i genuinely just DON'T think shes evil either. "evil" is bison and gill and jp, not juri), i actually like her arc bc it adds a lot of depth to her, and i like the idea of a.k.i having that level of depth as well but i dont think a redemption arc is as necessary for her as it was juri.
• also teehee... in terms of evil people i will snap if i ever see anyone say jp is the "hero" again. no hes not no hes not no hes NOT!! hes an imperialist!! hes ruining a tiny undeveloped country for his personal gain!! hes swindling one of the most moral people in the series into helping him and FRAMED the poor dude as a literal terrorist!! he even abuses his cat!! jp is not a hero he is a terrible person and when you say hes the good guy you have proven that you have missed the entire point of the game!!!! hnngh huuuurgh nnnrrgh im just so annoyed w people claiming jp is moral somehow, i see it less now than i did back when days of the eclipse dropped, but some people still swear by this and it really. really. really. pisses me off.

oh yeah baby, in terms of days of the eclipse. my opinions on days of the eclipse... oh boy. a lot!! so im actually just gonna make a section dedicated to it and dote related stuff bc.

• ai ken (sada turo joke goes here) is what i want antagonist ken to look like. see, one of the most marked differences between ryu and ken is their lifestyles. ryu is borderline feral. he travels all over the place, he technically has no home (yes i know he is rich, but he hardly knows how to handle his finances, and as of now whether he can even access his money or not is kinda left in limbo), he lives to fight. ken is... was... a wealthy west-coast sex symbol living in a barbie dream house with a supermodel wife (i KNOW shes not actually a supermodel. i KNOW what she does for a living is being a spokesperson for ten million philanthropic organizations i dont talk about aspects of this series i havent done my research on go away) sitting on a throne of his daddy's money. ryu is a nomad. ken is american (1/4 american 3/4 japanese the myth that he was originally white and capcom made him asian is a misconception perpetuated by the western fandom in sf1 supplementary material he was actually referred to with blah blah blah...) royalty. in terms of "dark" versions of ryu and ken... leave the bloodthirsty hadou beast to ryu. evil ken is PERFECT as a classy, dignified, stone-cold sadistic money-sucking stoic, the way his deepfake portrayed him. if you need the dumb "hero is an asshole au" versions of the protags... evil ryu works. but amnesia's creation is the best possible antagonist ken.
• oh yeah ken ken ken i put his name next to the word "antagonist" and now i need to elaborate before people go around getting any funny ideas. because hes a GREAT person (imo), and thinking that he's downright evil means you fell for jps trap. :> i will now elaborate, in this next section... the sectken

kem

• ken was born to parents who did not get along. his father, a hardass. his mother, presumably a gold digger. they were rich, yeah, but them being rich didn't mean much of anything when they neglected their son. so ken grew up, decided he was really sick of his parents arguing 24/7 and never paying any attention to him whatsoever, and started acting out like a LOT of neglected children irl. he dyed his hair blond (one of the biggest symbols of youthful rebellion in japan, where ken and his family lived) and took up some delinquent tendencies. his parents figured out something was wrong (imagine your parents literally only noticing you exist after you dye your hair and commit crimes. thats just... sad. not to mention he was like 10 fucking years old), and somehow miraculously realized that the reason why ken was acting out was because they sucked at parenting. so they decided to actually try doing their job, so ken settled down, but continued dying his hair as a reminder of sorts of what he was, both for himself and his parents. two years later, ken's parents decided they were afraid of him growing up to be a spoiled brat because he was born into money, and sent him off to the mountains to learn a derivative of karate designed for assassination. fucking what?
• this is where a plot hole comes into play, but i genuinely think it was intentional. let's think this through logically. after ken's parents finally start paying attention to him, shortly after they just "become afraid" of him turning into a brat and ship him off to the other end of the country. suspicious, right? so here are my takes: either A. the "well we dont want him to become entitled is all" thing was a lie and they just did not love him and wanted him off their hands, considering how drastic of measures ken had to take to get any attention from them in the first place, or B. they were simply too lazy to do their jobs as parents after all and therefore wanted ken's eventual attitude towards life to be someone else's problem. note how official material always says they didn't WANT ken to be a brat, not that he WAS a brat. he wasnt even that bad a kid. so if they were telling the truth, they decided to fork him over to a stranger (or a guy who was a stranger to ken at the very least) over a HYPOTHETICAL they could have taken care of themselves if they took their roles as parents seriously for five seconds, or it was just a half-baked lie and they were done with having a child. either way, super fucked up.
• later on blah blah blah, i have a lot to say abt his role in every game but most of it isnt super relevant right now. what i want to say is that after ken left gouken's tutelage, he was free to do whatever the hell he wanted. but he chose to continue martial arts. what the series implies is that "he learned to love them." yet another statement that can be taken two ways: the cuter and more innocuous one is that he was able to make the best out of a bad situation and discovered something he had a passion for. the darker, more disturbing, yet more realistic one is that he basically stockholmed himself into being happy with it, one way or another. either he felt pressured to be happy as a martial artist to appease ryu and gouken (whom he disliked when he first arrived, understandably, but later on had immense respect for) or perhaps just try to soften the blow from his own situation, or he ended up being happy as one because it was just better than his home life, the only other thing he had to compare it to, so therefore to him it was the best thing ever.
• now, let's take a look later down the road. at some point ken got a job working for his father's company. WHY was this? ken was already rich as hell, he had a job as a professional martial artist that for all intents and purposes he enjoys... his parents treated him like trash. so, why should ken bother joining the masters foundation? probably because once again, he felt pressured to. ken is a sucker for pressure. it's shown so many times in the series. it bothers him whenever sakura drills him about ryu, but he answers all her questions anyway, because he doesn't want to upset her. he didn't want to have a student, but he took sean in anyway, because he didn't want to upset him. ken's parents told him to join their foundation, and he probably did not want to (talk to him in wt!!!!! he straight up tells you he hated working there and he always knew he wasnt suited for an office job!!!!!), but he did. to avoid upsetting them, despite having been upset by them so many times. i mean... even in wt, he doesn't want to take you in as a student, but he does. for your sake.
• this malleability is what ruined his life. he's the vice president of the masters foundation. you would think he wouldnt be the one sent to nayshall, right? he was probably sent as a proxy for his father (because ken is routinely viewed as expendable by the people around him). so jp tricked him into investing in crypto (which ken is heavily criticized for... i want to say something about this before i continue. crypto is garbage! it needs to be criticized. what ken did was wrong, no doubt about it. but! not only was he tricked into doing it by a friendly-seeming guy who said it would help improve a country... but he also didnt even know how it WORKED. so how would ken know it was bad, anyway?? it's like fucking namatame all over again. he believed throwing people into the tv would save them, and he was COMPLETELY incorrect and was actually putting them in MORE danger, but he didn't know that. he had every reason to believe he was doing the RIGHT thing and he wasn't even sure how the tv world functioned (or otherwise obviously he wouldnt have done it). so, ken did a bad thing, i know. but he believed it was good, because he was told it was good, and had no reason to doubt its goodness) and then framed him for terrorism so jp himself could siphon as much money as possible both from nayshall and now the masters foundation as well. jp used ken's naivety against him, but ken really lost the moment he had to go up against his parents. (the most backbone he's ever shown is refusing to go back to his family now bc he's afraid of them getting. yknow, killed. and understandably so considering people still want ken dead. ken's family always has been his number one priority. in fact, he cares about them so much he's fine with mentally torturing himself for their sake. which is something.)

ok actually thus concludes the dote talk it was really just ken lol. also luke dear lord... considering his backstory i dont blame him but im also so mad, its weird... idek XP at least he obviously realized he was wrong by the start of sfvi which is what matters

anywaaaaay. other sf things/opinions/theories/pet peeves/random garbage

• i want people to stop acting like cammy and juni's relationship isnt romantic. it just. it just obviously is. i can elaborate, and very much am fine with doing so if someone asks because the proof is so clearly THERE, but thats also why im not bothering now, because as i said its simply so obvious to anyone who can pick up on queer subtext and i feel like people who continuously actively deny cammy and juni are dating are either homophobic OR homophobic and also angry that their waifu is a lesbian. to those people... there are so many women in this series. juri and marisa are canon bi/pan respectively and therefore are canonically into men by virtue of that. chun-li. sakura, ibuki, viper, poison, and laura show (presumably) genuine attraction to men within canon sources. menat has a boyfriend, apparently. kolin and a.k.i are also interested in a particular man, but i'm very iffy on whether those two count or not since they were groomed? well anyway. lots of women here who explicitly like men. pick one of them if you have to, god. but leave cammy alone. she is literally the ONLY character in the entire series (that has at least two gay men, a few canon and even more implied bisexual characters, a trans woman, and a nonbinary person) that is even implied to be a lesbian directly instead of just sapphic. i'm not even a lesbian but just let them have this one fucking character, the lesbian community matters way way way more than your crush on a video game character. please. she's gay. i just want people to acknowledge that's what capcom intended with her, and to be okay with that. (this sort of goes another way too, i don't like it when people call juri, a canonically bisexual woman who demonstrates clear attraction to both men and women in the games, a lesbian, she is not. she's bisexual and demonstrates a fem lean but that doesn't mean she's NOT BISEXUAL, because she IS.)
• vega isnt a terrible person because he (obviously) has npd, but his npd coupled with his upbringing certainly contributed to him being a terrible person. and then i have such mixed feelings on calling him terrible bc he was an abused child with serious mental illnesses + disorders which arent his fault but hes also an SA'er which there is never any excuse for so
• i want cody to come back. come back cody i miss you
• i have dee jay and manon in master rank who is next. trick question itll probably just be juri

wow i cant believe how much time i wasted writing this stupid thing. feel free to mock me for it. be back... relatively soon, cant promise daily but hopefully weekly updates

 

[beryllium]

hmm... i'm tired. are you tired? anyone else tired? it's a very... tiring day.
today is the end of the grading period and i'm pretty sure most of my teachers are about to quit. actually i'm pretty sure most of the teachers at the school are about to quit. which is horrible news because one of them is my ap chem teacher and im so fucked if whoever takes over for him isn't as good at their job because if anyone here is familiar with ap chemistry they certainly know how difficult the subject is and how the success of the students can very much be decided by the skill of the teacher. so i don't look forward to this. but if it means my shitty state might finally realize how terribly they treat public school teachers... well.
i'm working on a few pokemon ocs to pass the time but im worried abt them being cringe or whatever because my mind has been like... internet poisoned or something... maybe i'll post them here someday, i feel like this place tends to be less judgemental than others. one is a team rocket spy, the other is basically "feral person forced to assimilate into society" but also eventually n's gf or whatever
maybe i'll just continue my replay of p5r. alongside my replay of p4g. i remember when i couldnt put those things down to save my life?
just kinda in the mood rn where i have basically no thoughts about anything in particular. like, drained. empty. dunno
i'm already looking forward to the weekend :/

 

[beryllium]

clicks mouse siiiiiiiigh...

updates:

• turns out the worst grade i received this quarter was a c, which is lower than what i'm used to, but it's not failing, so i guess i'll take it
• working on sf mafia... it's horrifically unbalanced. i mean, it is balanced. it's just that all of the roles are stacked out of their minds
• i'm working on more art... the shadow realm's compost pile shall be growing this weekend. check it out. or don't.

anyway i decided this can double as an ama bc i feel like if i made a separate thread for that nobody would post there, so
in the meantime, i'm working on a hilda (yes, from pokemon) cosplay. uh, well, it's for halloween, so perhaps it doesn't count as a cosplay per se, but i'm not going trick-or-treating or anything, so maybe.
also working on my one-shot for the fall competition... don't tell anyone but it takes place on pasio! that's all i will say

 

[beryllium]

oh yeah, beryl's the bus
ive been ricocheting between being in a really good mood and really bad mood lately... i'm quite tired from my rather busy weekend as well as me having to get up at 5:30 am all the time which has lent to my grumpiness, but my fall break starts this friday (maybe this thursday afternoon, technically?) which i'm really really excited for! the problem is finding the will to keep pushing until then, lol. i guess three school days after today isn't so bad? plus one is a shortened day and another is... also shortened i guess, since i will be taking the psat.
siiiiiigh last year when i took that thing was so annoying. i got a 1400, my friend got a 1410, she made fun of me for the rest of the school year. in my defense, i missed the psat freshman year (last year was my sophomore year) and generally the more times you take it the better you'll do in the future?? but. whatever. i'll just try to smoke her tomorrow instead :V
plus my big brother (the cool one) is coming home from college this friday while our parents take a trip for their anniversary so i'll get to hang out with him too! (he's going to play sfvi with me he PROMISED me he woulddddd... i'm excited because he's way more competent then our dad who also likes playing it but is. bad. he [my brother] mains ryu btw. weird taste but i disgress -manon and dee jay player)

 

[beryllium]

oh the horror, oh the humanity,

i wasted two hours last night on a drawing of archie playing garou: mark of the wolves but it was somewhat worth it
perhaps i will show you later
i'm really sad that i just got booted from the front page of notable members but whatcha gonna do about it i guess
gonna have to take the psat in a few hours (like what? 1 pm-ish? cst i mean, so in roughly five hours from the time this was posted), wish me luck. honestly i'm not super nervous, i just want to get it done and over with :M
then tomorrow is a shortened day (only by 40 minutes, but i'll take what i can get), and then thursday is a full day again but it's my equivalent of friday so it is not all bad! then i have five days off.
i've been really anxious these past few days, just some random stuff weighing on my mind... testing, mafia (lol), my fics, a couple of other things here and there. hopefully most of these will be alleviated shortly TvT ~ i mean, twr is one thing, but the psat itself is today (once again, i'm not scared, just /restless/) and i'm supposed to be getting the results on something within the next week (or that's what i've been told, anyway) and. that part is actually pretty nervewracking! i'll tell you when it does happen though... i hope it'll work out ^^;
it's early in the day still so there's a good chance i will update this later after i finish the psat or something with other details about my day... that's all for now though!

 

[beryllium]

so i think it went pretty well
and uhhhhhh
im tired lol but on the bright side i don't have any homework which is a giant rarity when your schedule is composed entirely of ap/honors/specialty courses
i think getting it done with helped that weird anxious feeling but i still feel oddly jittery. maybe i'll get some weightlifting in or more drawing or something to calm my nerves
dunno what's causing it (i mean, i think i know, but not really?) but hm. hopefully i'll feel better soon
i drew the sickest silver/lyra/ethan on my scratch paper but obviously i had to turn it in so :<

 

[beryllium]

guess who took a .45 to the ego (i know nothing about bullet calibers. in fact, i know so little i probably didn't even say that correctly)
siiiiiigh whatever
hopefully everything will work itself out. i keep telling myself it doesn't matter whether or not this meets my expectations because There's Always Next Time and i know i did my best and stuff but still. ugh. i need to stop pumping myself up, something always comes to deflate me a day later o.o
i swear lol what is it with me. i always go nuts over things but whenever i'm reminded good results aren't necessarily guaranteed i just give up
yet this time, i'll still persevere, because it's something i wanted to put in the extra mile for and i don't wanna waste my shot before the real challenge even begins. you miss all of the shots you don't take and whatnot.
actually all of this happens to pertain to a fair few things going on in my life right now tbh. maybe i need to work on having a more optimistic mindset lol
in the meantime i've been studying japanese although i suck at it so far. i can say "hello," "how are you," "i'm tired," "what's for dinner," and that's about it
i like the giant pool of first person pronouns you can use even though they aren't used a quarter as much as they are in english lmao
i didn't get a nap in yesterday (i was GOING to but then i remembered just as i was falling asleep that i had a mafia game to update....,, and i was an hour late for it. i am such a genius), wondering whether it's worth it tonight or not
i have one more school day after today which is awesome
although at this rate i'm worried about going psychotic over break ^^; weightlifting and art it is after all i guess
maybe ill write a giant crackfic thats about wallace drinking paint on a dare or something and it somehow ends up being sabotageshipping bc thats how my brain works
orrrrr maybe i'll lab aki a little more, i want to improve at her. shes not bottom tier btw. bottom tier is reserved for lily. just like how top tier is reserved for ken, and everyone else besides jp is at least three tiers down

Spoiler: for context (ordered btw)

some people would call this a weird list but i stand by it
i have two characters in master so clearly im the best and my opinion is the correctest one /s
i just wasted fifteen minutes trying to find ways to prevent myself from going crazy. epic
well uhhhh. might post later, might not

 

[beryllium]

you know what's been playing in my head nonstop for about half an hour now

the rby lavender town theme

who did this to me and why (at least it's a good song)

i have seen four different people now in my grade who seemingly don't have much of anything in common wearing betty boop shirts like is this some cosmic coincidence or is it national betty boop day or

anyway im gonna stare at the wall for an hour once i get home to pass the time or something

i NEED friday to come school is all filler right now and it's annoying

 

[beryllium]

I'M SO BORED
I'M SO BORED
I'M SO BORED I'M GOING INSANE
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

ok i feel a little better (a little)

guess what song is still in my head? rby lavender town. must be because halloween is coming up. or something

sort of impressed by how ridiculously uneventful today has been. i feel like this site is quieter than usual too, or am i hallucinating?

i get to go home in like 3 and a half hours which means im allowed to take a nap (AFTER i update my game bc i keep forgetting to do that before trying to take naps)

 

[beryllium]

AAAA WHAT AM I SPENDING MY LIFE DOING AAAAA

i wasted two hours earlier napping in like the coldest room imaginable
now i'm sitting here really doing nothing but listening to touhou music
my brother is coming home in like fifteen minutes
this is seriously the most boring blog entry ever sorry

 

[beryllium]

yawwwwn, my internet came back!!
i'm heading out for dinner and a movie later. it ain't a date. just, well, italian beef and scorsese.
i put in an app for otb moderation... i'll just be chillin around until the results come in.
i've been replaying tgaa: resolve. god are susato and kazuma such amazing characters, i adore them so much.
tomorrow is my last day of fall break, unfortunately i gotta say it was pretty mid this time. mostly because half of it was spent worrying about twr stuff because of my internet o.o
on the plus side... another reduced week! three days this time, and wednesday is shortened as well! so i guess we'll be eased back into it slowly
meanwhile... man i'm tired. i didn't get my daily nap (yes, i still take them) in because nobody can decide when we should leave, so i'm probably gonna conk out halfway through the film...
well, until tomorrow, guys

 

[beryllium]

i did not conk out during the film at all but i definitely almost did because that thing was pretty slowly paced and lasted 3.5 hours
i ate nothing but pure solid garbage yesterday,, might go for a hike later in my sad attempt to work the slushie/junior mints/sour patch kids off
i actually don't eat candy much but i felt that i should splurge bc i don't go to the movies very often and then i just felt. lame for it
anyway that aside. whatever.jpeg
been continuing my sfvi adventures i love how my brother lost two matches as ryu and immediately dropped him as a main and switched to marisa. icon

 

[beryllium]

school is back, which means more waking up at 5:30 am lol
kinda a shame tbh... once again, whatcha gonna do about it, clearly it will never change...
i feel very bored and restless tbh, both because there's only so much to do rn and the site is pretty much empty currently but i'm also in a period where i'm being left in limbo on a few different things which has left me pretty anxious
i choose to believe everything will work out though
might as well do my best truckin along in the meantime ^^

 

[beryllium]

i cannot help but fear that everything has been ruined in the blink of an eye

 

[beryllium]

grabs cigarette
immediately puts it back
grabs candy cigarette

haaaah, yesterday was certainly a train wreck and a half! i'm glad today seems as though it may be calmer... hopefully.
did some fearing for my future + my friend's future + twr's future but the first two seem fine hopefully? but mafia... may be left in limbo for a bit while some wrinkles are being ironed out.
so i'm back to waiting, just a bit more anxiously than usual i suppose. but once again, i really cannot do anything but keep moving along and hope for the best. whoever's hands all this is in now, they certainly are not mine, but that means i can use my unburdened appendages to cheer for everyone!
hmmm i need to improve at writing now don't i...
well, i await the resolution of a few subjects with mild, characteristic impatience but also having made peace with the fact that i am but an observer. i want to push for things in my life, but there are always occasions where we are subjugated to the realm of a bystander, and we have to respect our surroundings. don't feed the animals, don't touch the paintings, et cetera et cetera. this is one of those occasions and i accept it for what it is.

wow that is such a load off. i'm gonna go back to playing tgaa: resolve now.

 

[beryllium]

i have the rin-chan song stuck in my head. you know. the one that goes "rinrinrinrinrinrinrinrinrin, rinrinrinrinrin"
tbh muuuch better than the one stuck in my head last night. that song was bad in a bad way. this one is annoying but frankly just funny

i think things have calmed down so i'm grateful for that wooo
my schedule for senior year is officially set! and i am so glad to have that over and done with too
it's also friday which is an excellent excellent thing. we could always use fridays imo. not that fridays are impervious to being bad. it's just that the state of it being friday makes it inherently positive (though it can still be ruined) (choosing not to think about that for now)
i think i've finally gotten back into the groove of simply being able to enjoy life while i wait for some things to be finalized. some sooner than others (one is probably a few days from what's been suggested to me, the other is about a month from what's... also been suggested to me), but you know what? it's not bad. i think stressing out over the results of things was bad for me, i'm actually living life normally now. which is good. for me. and good in general.
so, yeah! i think today will be a good day for me, and i hope it will be good for everyone else too!

 

[beryllium]

ninety minute long bass drop
i got more really really good news, but i'm just going to pretend i didn't hear it, so i can experience the joy of it all over again in, what? a few days maybe
i went to a haunted house last night! really fun minus the waiting-in-the-rain-for-45-minutes part
i'm working on my eevee shiny hunt, planning on evolving it into sylveon once i get it buut who knows
after that might actually be sentret!! i really love furret, and the cute pink furret is no exception!
so, whatever it is that's been up with you guys, i hope everyone is doing well and has a good day

 

[beryllium]

i'm a mod now!! a very thirsty mod... i want more water, this bottle is the height of my pointer finger
shiny eevee hunt is still a go and i have decided i am, in fact, going for sylveon. umbreon will be next but i have a sylveon bias, so
i twisted my ankle last night >_> but i feel better now!!
anyway sorry for the quick post, maybe there will be another one later today :>