I only have one major problem with the story, apart from what's been mentioned.
Maxie, in all canons, is most definitely male.
Although the name seems predominately female, it's a more childish, diminutive nickname of Maxwell or Maximilian. Other fandoms have men with the same name; i.e. Maxie Zeus in Batman. Also, I believe he refers to himself in the masculine pronoun 'boku' in Japanese. There's also a distinct lack of chest in his sprite, in which he does, admittedly, look most feminine. He does have a few stereotypical feminine attributes; i.e. the hand-on-hip in RSE and his slight build, but speaks in a more rushed, masculine manner. Also, his name in the Japanese is Matsubusa, which also hints at his sex being very much male.
Sorry about the rant, but, you see, Maxie is my favorite character in the fandom itself, and it almost hurts to see the fandom butchering him with mistakes to his gender and calling him Maxine.
Also, the two do speak pretty immaturely. Note that they're thirty-to-forty year-old criminal geniuses; you have them talking a bit like middle or Jr. High-schoolers. Neither of them are really in-character, Maxie in particular. Although he's pretty hot-headed (I should know, I've been studying my R/S/E in order to better roleplay him), he's also strikingly intelligent and cool when it comes to those he doesn't hate too much. I seems highly out of his character to have him order his Camerupt to use a move it doesn't know, as well as to stoop so low as to call Giovanni a retard. A bit more IC would have him spew a few lines of complicated insults. As for Giovanni, he's a criminal as well, he'd hardly care about battling rules. Mewtwo, anyone?
Your chapters are rather short, and don't give much description. Otherwise, your grammar is...eeech. You should be using a comma instead of a period at the end of a person's dialogue; for example; '"Hey," she said.' Instead of '"Hey." she said.' You tend to capitalize things that don't need it, like how you put in Camel-Like, when both should be lowercase, as well as using capitalization for emphasis instead of bold or italics. Those two look much better, and caps should be used for yelling only, really.
All-in-all, and call me critical, your writing is budding. The plotline is okay, I suppose, but would be much better had you a better style. Work at it, and you might be a great fic-writer one day.
Also, I love the font you used in your signature advertisement. Unreal Tournament FOR THE WIN.
Edit:
WAIT. WAIT.
Spoiler to my speculation of the story:
Maxie, in all canons, is most definitely male.
Although the name seems predominately female, it's a more childish, diminutive nickname of Maxwell or Maximilian. Other fandoms have men with the same name; i.e. Maxie Zeus in Batman. Also, I believe he refers to himself in the masculine pronoun 'boku' in Japanese. There's also a distinct lack of chest in his sprite, in which he does, admittedly, look most feminine. He does have a few stereotypical feminine attributes; i.e. the hand-on-hip in RSE and his slight build, but speaks in a more rushed, masculine manner. Also, his name in the Japanese is Matsubusa, which also hints at his sex being very much male.
Sorry about the rant, but, you see, Maxie is my favorite character in the fandom itself, and it almost hurts to see the fandom butchering him with mistakes to his gender and calling him Maxine.
Also, the two do speak pretty immaturely. Note that they're thirty-to-forty year-old criminal geniuses; you have them talking a bit like middle or Jr. High-schoolers. Neither of them are really in-character, Maxie in particular. Although he's pretty hot-headed (I should know, I've been studying my R/S/E in order to better roleplay him), he's also strikingly intelligent and cool when it comes to those he doesn't hate too much. I seems highly out of his character to have him order his Camerupt to use a move it doesn't know, as well as to stoop so low as to call Giovanni a retard. A bit more IC would have him spew a few lines of complicated insults. As for Giovanni, he's a criminal as well, he'd hardly care about battling rules. Mewtwo, anyone?
Your chapters are rather short, and don't give much description. Otherwise, your grammar is...eeech. You should be using a comma instead of a period at the end of a person's dialogue; for example; '"Hey," she said.' Instead of '"Hey." she said.' You tend to capitalize things that don't need it, like how you put in Camel-Like, when both should be lowercase, as well as using capitalization for emphasis instead of bold or italics. Those two look much better, and caps should be used for yelling only, really.
All-in-all, and call me critical, your writing is budding. The plotline is okay, I suppose, but would be much better had you a better style. Work at it, and you might be a great fic-writer one day.
Also, I love the font you used in your signature advertisement. Unreal Tournament FOR THE WIN.
Edit:
WAIT. WAIT.
Spoiler to my speculation of the story:
"Giovanni's kid has red hair." YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY-
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
OH GOD NO. MAXIE IS NOT SILVER'S MOM. NO. NONONONONONONO. I JUST-MY BRAIN EXPLODEALFYCO:ASR. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. WHY YOU DO THIS?!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
OH GOD NO. MAXIE IS NOT SILVER'S MOM. NO. NONONONONONONO. I JUST-MY BRAIN EXPLODEALFYCO:ASR. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. WHY YOU DO THIS?!
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