TEEN: Brotherhood [4th June - Chapter 7: Reunion]

[Gama]

(Credit for the amazing banner goes to Pride!)

A story of three brothers who must put their differences aside when they find themselves dragged into Johto's criminal underworld.​

Hello all!

If you've been active in the Writer's Workshop for a while (6 years!) you may remember this story. That's right - this is a reboot! Don't worry though, this is very much aimed at new readers. In fact, if you have read the original (and bizarrely remember it after all this time!) I'd strongly suggest you forget as much as possible!

Updates on first Monday of the month.

Contents

Chapter 1 - Rise and Fall
Chapter 2 - New Beginnings
Chapter 3 - Out of our Depth
Chapter 4 - Training Montage
Chapter 5 - Goldenrod Academy's Finest
Chapter 6 - Interrogation
Chapter 7 - Reunion

 

[Gama]

Chapter 1 – Rise & Fall​

‘Here we go, Bob. Everything comes down to this. You can hear the excitement in this crowd! Will Wynne and Bugsy down to one Pokémon each! You don’t often see matches this close!’

‘Close it may be, John, but Will is gonna show no mercy from here on out. Bugsy’s poisoning trick was way out of line!’

‘Well you know what they say, Bob, all’s fair in love and Gym challenges! Now, what do we think about this final showdown? Does Will have a chance of winning his fifth badge?’

‘You better believe he’s gonna win his fifth badge, John! Will’s got what it takes to win here, and take his League challenge all the way to the Indigo Plateau! He’s destined for greatness! Everyone here has got front row seats to the rise of Will Wynne!’

The crowd roared.

‘Woah, woah, woah, Bob. Calm down there a second! He’s gotta win here first!’

‘Come on, John! At only sixteen years old, this kid has already beaten four Johto Gym Leaders without needing a single rematch! We haven’t seen talent like this since Will’s own uncle, Terry Starr, defeated the dreaded Trusted Champion once and for all! Will’s gonna bring the Championship back to Johto – I can feel it in my bones!’

The crowd roared even louder.

‘Alright, Bob, settle down, settle down. Let’s stick to the present for now, shall we? What Pokémon do we think each trainer is gonna send out?’

‘Well, John, there’s been no official confirmation, but neither trainer has used their signature Pokémon, so my money is on this final showdown being between Bugsy’s Scyther and Will’s Poliwrath.’

The sound of a large buzzer filled the stadium. The crowd’s roaring became deafeningly loud.

‘Oh, it looks like we might be ready to go, Bob! The battle’s about to start! Don’t take your eyes off the screen for even a second, folks!’

A bead of sweat rolled down Will’s forehead as he gripped Poliwrath’s Poké Ball in his hand. The crowd surrounding the large asphalt battle arena was the biggest he’d ever battled in front of. There must have been two hundred people packed into the stalls around him, maybe three. How was he supposed to think about his strategy with all that noise? There were far too many people here. Usually he would look to his mum and brothers in the audience for support, but he just couldn’t spot them. They were there though. He could feel them. Even while unconscious, his Espeon sustained their family’s psychic link. That would have to do. Enormous TV screens were set up around the stadium, each one featuring his own face blown up to a size it was never meant to be seen at. How did trainers manage to think about anything but their own appearance while battling here? He checked himself. Short black hair, fair skin, white collared shirt, smart black trousers and shoes. He consciously adorned a smug smile and threw his final Poké Ball into the arena in front of him. Poliwrath burst out and flexed its muscles for the adoring crowd. Their response threatened to burst Will’s eardrums.

On the other side of the arena, his opponent, Gym Leader Bugsy, nodded. Bugsy looked ridiculous. Bowl cut purple hair, boy scout shorts and shirt, and a comically large bug catching net attached to his back. That look might have worked when he was a kid, but now he was a grown man it was just embarrassing. His battling skills, however, were anything but. Will had never had to work this hard before. It was the closest any of his Gym challenges had been. Relying on a Future Sight strategy against an opponent with Toxic had been a mistake, perhaps a terminal one: he’d have to make a note of that in his playbook back home, whatever the result of this battle. Bugsy threw out his own final Poké Ball. As the commentators had correctly predicted, a furious Scyther burst out opposite Poliwrath, scraping its blades against each other.

‘Run rings around it, Scyther!’ shouted Bugsy.

‘Impossible Hit Drill, Poliwrath!’ shouted Will.

Poliwrath closed both eyes and placed one knee on the floor. It rested one fist on its raised knee, and pressed the other fist against the asphalt floor. Scyther meanwhile ran large circles around the edge of the arena so fast that all that could be seen was a green blur.

In the crowd, Frankie Wynne, Will’s twelve year old brother, sat next to Max Wynne, Will’s fourteen year old brother, in the packed stalls. Frankie turned to Max in confusion.

‘What’s an Impossible Hit Drill? I’ve never heard of that move.’

‘Oh, jeez! Have you never seen Will battle before or are you just stupid?’

‘Max, be nice to your brother,’ snapped their mum, Lydia, who was sitting on the other side of Frankie.

Max sighed.

‘Will runs drills with his Pokémon, and then gives out his orders cryptically so he doesn’t give away his tactics to his opponent.’

‘Will really is great, huh?’

Max sighed again.

Poliwrath remained stationary as Scyther continued to circle it. There was almost perfect silence in the arena. Everyone there was thinking the same thing: what will happen? Bugsy’s face appeared on the screens. It betrayed uncertainty. His lips slowly parted as if he were about to give a command, but before he could a flash of blinding light and incredible noise covered the entire arena. The screens showed nothing but the sight of the explosion. The flash was replaced with smoke. As the sound died away, screaming and shouting took its place. The smoke slowly lifted to show Scyther laying unconscious on the asphalt nearby Poliwrath who was kneeling in the same position save for the fist that had been resting on the floor now pointing sideways towards Scyther. The commentators tried to speak, but they could not be heard over the sound of the crowd. The screens switched between pictures of jubilant spectators, Bugsy’s bemused face, and Will laughing while punching the air.

Amidst the noise and excitement, Lydia turned to her two younger sons, and shouted so they could hear her.

‘Let’s get moving so we can beat the crowds!’

‘But I wanna hear what happened!’ protested Frankie.

Max sighed.

‘You can hear from Will’s dressing room!’ snapped Lydia.

As the Wynnes shuffled out, the noise from the crowd started to die down, and the commentators could finally be heard again. Frankie trailed a few steps behind his mum and brother, lingering in the arena for just a few moments longer.

‘Alright, Bob, I’ve just heard from the Technical Expert. What we just saw was Will’s Poliwrath use Mind Reader to perfectly predict where Bugsy’s Scyther would be, then take it out with an extremely powerful but usually inaccurate Dynamic Punch! What a strategy!’

‘I told you there would be no mercy, John! I told you Will had what it takes! This boy is gonna be Johto’s saviour! We’re gonna be back on top!’

Max and Frankie sat next to each other on the sofa in Will’s small dressing room. Each of them looked exactly like Will except that Max only reached Will’s shoulder height, and Frankie only reached Max’s. Lydia stood near the door, looking between her watch and the TV mounted on the wall. Will should be here by now. Had he gone to his interviews already? He was supposed to meet her and the boys here before that. Where was he? Didn’t he know by now that she couldn’t keep Terry waiting? She turned to her younger sons.

‘If Will isn’t here in the next five minutes I’m going to have to take you home with me.’

‘We can get home by ourselves, Mum!’ protested Max, ‘I’ve got Wooper!’

Just as Lydia opened her mouth to respond, the door behind her opened. Will entered the room, grinning from ear to ear, arms open to greet his family. Lydia and Frankie immediately ran over to him, hugging him and showering him with congratulations and praise. Max stayed firmly planted on the sofa.

‘No “congrats” for your brother?’ Will asked Max as Lydia and Frankie released him from their hugs.

‘Congrats,’ said Max without moving or looking up.

‘Boys, I need to go,’ said Lydia, ‘Max, Frankie, are you two sure you want to head back with Will? I can take you back on Noctowl.’

‘Yes,’ answered Frankie.

‘I guess,’ said Max.

‘OK,’ said Lydia, ‘Make sure to ask Celebi to protect your futures when you go past the Shrine. I’ll see you at home, boys.’

Lydia quickly rushed round the room, gave each of her sons a quick kiss on the cheek, and then headed out the dressing room door, closing it behind her. There was a moment of silence after the three brothers were left alone. Soon, Will spoke.

‘I need to do my post-match interview. Can you guys put my Pokémon in the heal machine in the corner, and watch them while I’m gone? Shouldn’t be more than fifteen minutes.’

‘Of course!’ said Frankie.

‘Thanks guys,’ said Will with a smile.

Will took his Poké Balls from his belt, passed them to Frankie, and left. As he closed the door behind him, Max let out the heaviest sigh he was capable of.

***​

Meanwhile, inside a van packed with computer equipment, two women in matching black jumpsuits watched Will’s post-match interview on a small computer screen. One sat on a chair directly in front of the screen. She was very small, dark skinned, and had long wispy black hair that stretched down her back. The other woman stood behind her, looking over her shoulder. She was very large and muscular, white skinned, and had blonde hair cut almost to her skull. The larger woman leaned over her partner, and pointed at the screen.

‘Is it him?’

The smaller woman batted her hand away.

‘Porygon hasn’t finished its analysis.’

They both turned to the Pokémon plugged into the computer as it made various indistinct beeps. Soon, it turned to the small woman, moving up and down excitedly.

‘Does that mean it’s him?’ asked the larger woman.

Ignoring her, the smaller woman typed a few things into the computer.

‘There’s a 92% match with our covert photographs. It’s him.’

The larger woman whooped.

‘Then let’s go!’

The smaller woman smiled and nodded.

‘Yes, let’s.’

***​

The three Wynne brothers walked through Ilex Forest. It was pitch black save for the small lights that had been installed along the sides of the soil paths that led back to Goldenrod. The cries of wild Pokémon could be heard almost incessantly from among the thick trees.

‘That battle was so cool, Will. I kept thinking you were gonna lose, but you did it! You’re so amazing!’

Will chuckled.

‘To be honest I kept thinking I was gonna lose too. After Espeon fainted I thought it was all over.’

‘No you didn’t!’ said Max furiously, ‘You knew you were gonna win the whole time! Admit it! You only make it look close so the audience love you even more!’

‘That’s not true. It looked close because it was close. What do you think I am?’

‘I think you’re a show off. You can’t bear the idea that your battles might look easy – you play down your talent so that it looks more impressive!’

‘That doesn’t make sense,’ said Will.

‘Yeah, that doesn’t make sense!’ added Frankie.

‘Shut up, Frankie. This is nothing to do with you.’

‘Hey, be nice to Frankie. Why have you always gotta be mean to him?’ asked Will.

‘Oh, knock it off. I’m always nice to him. You sound like Mum.’

‘You’re just jealous because Will’s a better battler than you!’ teased Frankie.

‘No, I’m not! I don’t care!’

‘If you care so little,’ said Will, ‘Why are you always talking about how you’re the best battler in your class?’

‘It’s true! The kids in my class all suck! Anyway, I said that like one time.’

‘You say it all the time! You said it earlier today!’ exclaimed Will.

‘I did not!’

Max clenched his fists, and stormed off ahead of his brothers. Why did he think heading back with those two was a good idea? It always ended the same way: Will and Frankie ganging up on him. Behind him they laughed, but it didn’t matter. Within a couple of minutes, he reached the Ilex Shrine. His mum’s words echoed: make sure to ask Celebi to protect your future. Max wasn’t particularly religious, but perhaps if he took a moment by the Shrine, Celebi, or something like it, would help him and Wooper become as strong as Will in the future. Then he’d show his stupid brothers. He took a few more steps towards the Shrine, placed his right hand on it, and closed his eyes. For a second, he could feel something. Through the wood of the Shrine, something touched his hand from within. It was himself, but colder somehow, ghostly almost. What was this? This other him started to take shape, but at that moment, a voice came from behind him.

‘Ah, well if it isn’t the Wynne brothers! What a pleasure!’

Max opened his eyes with a start, and turned around. Whatever he had felt was gone. His brothers were standing on either side of him. Opposite them, a few feet back down the road they’d taken to reach the Shrine, the speaker stood. It was their school’s advanced Battle Tutor, Doctor Ratcliffe, known by most as ‘Doc’. He was a short, pale man in his early forties with glasses, meticulously combed hair, and a sharp black suit. He continued to speak.

‘Congratulations on your victory, Will! Looks like you’re… what was it those commentators said? Yes, that’s it, “destined for greatness”! You must have an excellent coach!’

Will took a few steps towards the man, gesturing for his brothers to stay back.

‘What do you want, Doc?’ asked Will.

Doc smiled, straightened his tie, and gave a friendly chuckle.

‘You know what I want. I’m here to collect my debt.’

Will turned to Max and Frankie.

‘Run home,’ he said, ‘I’ll deal with him.’

Before Max and Frankie could move, three teenagers about the same age as Will burst out from the trees surrounding the Shrine, and blocked the path forward. Max immediately recognised two of them. On the left stood a girl with long red hair, a black cape, and a blue leather jumpsuit. He’d seen her on TV. This was Petra, daughter of Dragon Master Lance. She’d been four Badges into a League challenge like Will’s when she had suddenly disappeared from public life. On the right stood a boy with a dyed red Mohican, a white vest, and blue jeans. Everyone called him ‘Spike’. If Max had ever heard his real name, he couldn’t remember it. He was in Will’s year at their school, another student of Doc’s Advanced Battling class. Between them stood a girl that Max did not recognise. She had olive skin and a long blue fringe with the sides of her head shaved, wore all black clothes that seemed to be made out of feathers, and had a single Murkrow on her right shoulder. All three of them stared at the brothers with furious eyes and small, sneering smiles. What was happening and why?

‘I wouldn’t run if I were you,’ said Spike, beginning to grin more widely.

He grabbed a Poké Ball from his belt, and threw it in front of him to reveal a Weavile. The black feline Pokémon stood poised to pounce with its unusually long, razor sharp claws extended in front of it.

‘Any of you move or try to send out a Pokémon, and Weavile here will slash each and every one of your throats,’ said Spike, a full grin breaking out on his face.

‘Thank you, Spike, though I don’t think that will be necessary,’ said Doc.

The Wynne brothers stood exactly where they were. Max and Frankie looked to Will. Surely he would be able to find a way out of this for them?

‘What do you want?’ asked Will.

Doc chuckled softly.

‘What do you think we want? You’re the amazing Will Wynne. We want your Gym Badges.’

‘Do you think I’m stupid? I don’t carry my Gym Badges.’

Spike suddenly let out a scream, and stomped a few steps closer to the brothers, gesticulating wildly.

‘Don’t fuck with us, okay? We’ll fuck you up! You’re gonna give us your fucking Badges, okay? You think we’re gonna put up with your shit now?’

Petra sighed and rolled her eyes, but her obvious exasperation with Spike did not make him any less scary. He took a deep breath, and stared at Will with a crazed look in his eyes.

‘Weavile, the face.’

Within a second, Spike’s Weavile was in front of Will with its claw pushed into his cheek. A small trickle of blood ran down his cheek. Will stood fiercely still as if he felt nothing whatsoever. Frankie burst into tears and began wailing.

‘Shut it or you’re next!’ shouted Spike.

‘That’s enough, Spike,’ said Doc.

Spike and Weavile both stayed frozen where they were.

‘So, you say you haven’t got your Gym Badges with you,’ continued Doc, ‘Fair enough. I suppose I wouldn’t carry my Badges if I had any.’

‘Oh, come on!’ yelled Spike.

He waved his arms around more and walked forward so he was directly next to Will and Weavile. Petra sighed and rolled her eyes again.

‘I said that’s enough, Spike. Go stand with Saf and Dragon like I told you to.’

Spike grumbled incoherently, but obeyed. Weavile did not move. Doc continued to speak.

‘Now, Will, we’ve got a problem. We’ve gone to all this trouble to get your Gym Badges, but you don’t have them with you. Of course, that’s not your fault, but it wouldn’t be fair for us to leave empty handed now, would it?’

Max wanted to say something clever, but his mouth wouldn’t open. Fortunately, Will did not suffer from the same ailment.

‘Life isn’t fair.’

A few seconds passed in which the only sound that could be heard was Frankie’s whimpering.

‘I’ve got it,’ said Doc eventually, ‘You’re going to give us your Pokémon. The amazing Will Wynne’s Pokémon should fetch a good price.’

‘No!’ screamed Max.

‘Shut it, short stuff!’ shouted Spike, ‘I’ll cut your brother’s throat if I hear from you again!’

Frankie wailed even louder. To Max’s surprise, Will said nothing.

‘Yes, that will work,’ said Doc, ‘I think you’d better hand them over. This is what’s going to happen. Spike here is gonna walk over and pull the Poké Balls off your belt. If you so much as move, Weavile cuts all three of your throats.’

‘Saf can do it,’ spat Spike.

‘I asked you to do it, Spike.’

Spike muttered objections, but walked towards Will as instructed. Will sighed, but made no effort to fight as Spike picked the Poké Balls off his belt and put them on his own. Tears streamed freely down Frankie’s face. Max was stunned silent. Why wasn’t Will fighting this? This would mean the end of his League challenge. He shouldn’t let these thugs push him around. Spike stopped an inch in front of Will’s face, and paused, patting him patronisingly on the shoulder.

‘You wouldn’t believe how long I’ve been waiting for this, buddy.’

Spike then proceeded to remove the three Poké Balls from Will’s belt.

At this point, the blue-haired girl with a Murkrow on her shoulder spoke up in a perfect monotone.

‘The middle brother has a Pokémon too.’

‘Worth fucking what?’ snapped Spike, ‘What do we want his piece of shit Pokémon for?’

‘Nice spot, Saf,’ said Doc, ignoring Spike, ‘Take it, Spike.’

At this point, Will leapt forward, and grabbed Spike by the shoulder. He seemed about to say something, but no sooner had he done this than Spike’s Weavile had slashed the side of his face. Will screamed out, and fell to the floor in pain. Max and Frankie both screamed and cried. Spike let out a short burst of laughter.

‘Now that’s the reaction I was hoping for!’

Spike stood over Will and leaned down.

We’re gonna take your little brother’s Pokémon, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Any more struggling, and Weavile ain’t gonna be so forgiving next time.’

Weavile stood above Will, its claw now pressed against his throat.

‘Good work, Spike,’ said Doc, ‘Now stand down. Saf, have Murkrow take Max’s Pokémon.’

Spike nodded, and took a few steps backwards. He looked directly into Max’s eyes, and smirked. Max wanted to do something, anything, but his body just wouldn’t move. The blue-haired girl lifted her arm, and her Murkrow flew the short distance to Max, wrestled Wooper’s Poké Ball from his belt, and returned to her shoulder.

‘Let’s get out of here,’ said Doc.

Spike walked back over to where Will was laying, and bent down so their faces were opposite each other.

‘I just want you to know what a privilege it is to have a front row seat to the fall of Will Wynne.’

 

[Instrutilus]

So I guess Will Wynne did not Wynne this time.

One has to ponder how Will's Pokémon will react to this scenario. I always figured that anyone who tries to take Pokémon would have problems when they're highly trained. They're monsters, after all. The second they open the Pokéball, they'd likely turn around and attack on sight, can't imagine someone being able to survive a drowning if a Poliwrath decided to flood a room with Surf.

Regardless, good work thus far, Gama, looking forward to the next chapter. I also suck at reviewing stories, if you couldn't tell.

 

[Gama]

So I guess Will Wynne did not Wynne this time.

One has to ponder how Will's Pokémon will react to this scenario. I always figured that anyone who tries to take Pokémon would have problems when they're highly trained. They're monsters, after all. The second they open the Pokéball, they'd likely turn around and attack on sight, can't imagine someone being able to survive a drowning if a Poliwrath decided to flood a room with Surf.

Regardless, good work thus far, Gama, looking forward to the next chapter. I also suck at reviewing stories, if you couldn't tell.

Interesting insight! I'll be sure to keep it in mind for future situations. I think you're right.

Thanks for reading and replying! I don't think that sucked as a review in the slightest, and I always think it's nice to hear people's thoughts on your stories regardless of whether that comes as part of a broader "review".

Anyway, I've got chapter 2 ready, so I'll post it tomorrow as planned, so you and anyone else following can read it then

 

[Gama]

Chapter 2 – New Beginnings​

Max tossed and turned in bed. Sleep would not come, only an isolation that he had not felt since the day his dad disappeared. Usually Espeon’s psychic link let him feel the presence of his whole family and their Pokémon as he fell asleep, but now it was gone. All that replaced it was emptiness. Max held back a sob, and instinctively rolled over to hug his beloved Wooper. Upon seeing that it was not there, he let out a scream of frustration. He could feel Doc and his goons surrounding the house, trying to get in. He could hear a Weavile sharpening its claws, an army of Murkrow cawing as they scouted out which windows would be easiest to enter. Of course he knew none of this was real, but he could feel and hear it all happening so clearly that it couldn’t be imaginary. He couldn’t just lie there. The danger was real. There had to be something he could do, some way he could protect himself, some way he could at least understand what had happened. He just had to do something. Suddenly, a scuttle by the window. A large arachnid eye looked in. Mum’s Ariados checking up on him. He was safe after all. This brief feeling of safety and peace was just enough for him to drift off into the sleep his body so desperately needed.

***​

Doc sat behind his paper-filled desk in the makeshift office. It was a small, dank room without windows or furniture beyond his desk and the chairs on which he and his three visitors were sitting, but it served its purpose. He looked to Spike, Dragon, and Saf sat opposite him. Spike tapped his foot impatiently, his ridiculous red Mohican bouncing as he did. Dragon watched Spike with a frown on her face, her shoulders back, long red hair and cape hanging off the back of her chair. Saf stared at Doc blankly, her almost black irises making her pupils look freakishly large. The Murkrow on her shoulder did the same. Doc knew them both well enough to interpret their stares as the affection they clearly were.

‘Tonight was a fantastic success,’ pronounced Doc, ‘I couldn’t have done it without you. You should all be immensely proud of yourselves. A lot of hard work and planning went into this, but it’s paid off.’

Spike jumped to his feet.

‘Yeah, yeah, we mugged Will just like we mugged a million dumb fucks before him. Let’s all give ourselves a fucking pat on the back. Now what though? There better be more to this grand fucking plan. Taking his Pokémon off him should be the bare fucking minimum. We need to really make him squirm and suffer.’

‘You don’t think taking his Pokémon is enough?’ asked Doc, ‘That’s single-handedly put an end his League challenge. It’ll take him years to train Pokémon up to that standard again.’

‘Years? You gotta be fucking kidding me. You think it’ll take the great Will Wynne years? I give it two days before he’s all up in our shit with Pokémon just as strong as these ones.’

Doc smirked and straightened his tie.

‘Is that so? Even without the Pokémon League’s number one coach behind him? Well, let’s hear solutions not problems, Spike. What do you think we should do?’

Spike clenched his fists, and stamped his foot a few times. Doc and Saf simply stared at him. Dragon sighed and rolled her eyes.

‘Anything!’ he shouted eventually, ‘We need to hunt him down and beat him, we need to kidnap his little brothers, we need to do everything we can to fuck with him, until him and everyone else understands we ain’t people to be fucked with!’

Doc smiled.

‘Thank you, Spike. I’ll take that recommendation under advisement. For now, I don’t think we need to do anything else, but I understand why you’re upset. Perhaps as recompense you’d like to be the one to hold on to these Pokémon? I think you’re right that he’ll very soon be causing trouble for us, and no doubt that’ll start by trying to recover his and Max’s Pokémon, so we’ll need someone strong to look after them.’

‘You fucking bet I wanna hold on to ‘em. Can’t trust no one else round here not to just roll over, and give ‘em back.’

Doc nodded, opened his desk drawer, pulled out the four Poké Balls, and passed them to Spike.

‘Anything else?’ asked Doc.

‘Not if you’re dead set on being a pussy about this.’

‘Then why don’t you head home? You seem like you could do with some sleep.’

Spike stared at Doc for a few seconds before storming out of the office, slamming the door behind him. The three of them left in the office sat silently for a few moments.

‘You shouldn’t let him speak to you like that,’ said Dragon.

Doc smiled.

‘I appreciate the concern, but Spike is perfectly harmless.’

‘That’s not the point. It’s like he doesn’t even realise how much you’ve done for him, for all of us. He should show you some respect and stop acting like such a petulant child.’

‘Perhaps he should, but I don’t think that will ever happen.’

Silence held for a few moments longer.

‘I imagine you’re keen to get home too, Dragon,’ said Doc.

‘You don’t want me to keep an eye on Spike?’

‘That will be fine.’

‘Alright, then see you.’

Dragon stood and left the office, gently closing the door behind her. Once she was gone, Saf stood, and walked over to Doc. She sat on his lap, and kissed him on the cheek. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and kissed her on the lips. She then stared at him as blankly as ever. Her Murkrow cawed.

‘That went well, don’t you think?’ he said.

‘Spike seemed angry,’ Saf replied in her usual monotone.

‘He needs to be. It’s the only way he’ll push things far enough for Will to kill him.’

***​

The following morning, Max was awoken by a knock on his bedroom door. He froze. It was Doc and his goons come to finish the job. He knew it. He couldn’t say how he knew it, but he just knew it. What should he do? Should he hide? Maybe he could escape through the window. Another knock.

‘Max, you in there?’ came Will’s voice.

Max let out a sigh of relief, but then immediately clenched his fists. How embarrassing that he should be so frightened by his brother knocking on his bedroom door. What had gotten into him? He had to be stronger than this.

‘Yeah,’ answered Max.

‘Get dressed and meet me in my bedroom.’

‘Why?’

No answer came. Will was already gone. Max didn’t need telling twice though. This was obviously about the mugging. He picked up the first t-shirt and pair of jeans he could find from his bedroom floor, and struggled his way into them. Will must have had a breakthrough. He knew how to get Wooper and the rest of the Pokémon back. How could Max ever have doubted Will? He could be a jerk, sure, but whenever something serious happened, he had Max’s back. Everything was going to be alright. They were going to do something about it.

When Max got to Will’s bedroom, Will and Frankie were already sitting cross legged on the floor. The room looked much larger than Max’s, but that was mainly because it was much tidier. There wasn’t a thing on the floor or desk, and the bed was made despite it being first thing in the morning. Max sat down with his brothers. Frankie hung his head down and stared at the carpet in front of him. Will looked at his brothers, the cut along his left cheek still red and raw.

‘I am so sorry about what happened last night,’ he said, ‘I’ve had… issues… with those guys. I’m really sorry you got dragged into them. I wish Mum had just taken you home with her. I want you to know that the Pokémon are OK. Wooper and the others… they’re OK. I know you probably can’t, but I can still feel Espeon’s psychic link. I know where they are, and I can get them back.’

Frankie looked up.

‘Don’t do anything dangerous, Will.’

‘I can look after myself, Frankie.’

‘That’s what Dad said. Just let the police handle it.’

‘Trust me, Frankie. It’s gotta be me, but I can handle it. I won’t put myself at risk. I promise.’

The three of them sat in silence for a few seconds.

‘I’ll come with you,’ said Max.

‘No, you won’t,’ said Will immediately.

Max stood.

‘Why are you always like this, Will? My Pokémon got stolen too! I want to help!’

Will also stood.

‘You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into! You’re not ready to deal with these guys!’

Frankie stood.

‘I thought you said it was safe!’

‘No,’ snapped Will, ‘I said I could handle it, but Max can’t handle it.’

‘Why not?’ shouted Max, ‘Because I’m not the amazing Will Wynne?’

‘You don’t know how to train like I do. You don’t know these guys like I do.’

‘Then teach me! I want to get my Pokémon back too! This isn’t just about you! I can’t just sit here, I want to do something about this!’

‘You want to do something? Look, this isn’t about being a hero. This is about getting our Pokémon back before they get hurt. I’m going to do whatever it takes to do that, and putting my little brother at risk isn’t part of that.’

Frankie whimpered. Will put his arm around him. Max took a deep breath.

‘Will, please. These people hurt us, humiliated us, and stole from us. I don’t feel safe, I can’t sleep. Please let me come with you.’

Will sighed.

‘Alright fine. I don’t think this is a good idea, but… but fine. I’ll let you help. Just don’t do anything without checking with me first, okay?’

Max grinned.

‘Thank you! I won’t let you down!’

‘I still think we should just leave it to the police,’ said Frankie.

‘We’ll be fine, Frankie. I promise. There’s just one more thing I need both of you to do for me.’

‘Anything,’ said Max.

Frankie nodded.

‘You can’t tell anyone who was there,’ said Will, ‘Don’t mention Doc, don’t mention Spike, don’t mention any of them. Don’t tell Mum, don’t tell the police, no one. You got that?’

Neither Max nor Frankie said anything.

‘I’m serious,’ said Will, ‘This is important. Things will get a whole lot worse for us if we start saying too much.’

Max and Frankie reluctantly nodded. Something wasn’t right about this, but how could they say no to Will?

‘Now let’s head downstairs and have breakfast,’ said Will, ‘Mum will start asking questions otherwise.’

***

The receptionist checked the clock behind him again. 10:22. He sighed. Still another four hours left in this shift, and he was so tired. He had had to wake up at 05:30 to get here and hadn’t been able to get to sleep until past midnight last night. He had only taken this job because he thought he’d get to meet famous Pokémon trainers but so far he hadn’t met any. He heard the door to his right swing open, so he sat up straight and got his false smile ready. Two women in black jumpsuits approached, one extremely tall with a shaved head and one extremely short with long black hair. They looked serious, perhaps they were actually here to challenge the Elite Four rather than just talk about the Pokémon League, like most visitors.

‘Hello and welcome to the Pokémon League! Before I can let you go any further, I need to check that you have eight Gym Badges!’

‘That won’t be necessary,’ said the shorter woman, ‘We don’t need to go any further than this.’

The receptionist held back a sigh.

‘How can I help you then?’ he asked.

‘My wife and I have travelled here from Hoenn. We were hoping to visit her nephew, but the trouble is we’ve managed to lose his address on the way over. He’s quite a famous League challenger, so we figured you might be able to help us?’

‘I can have a look to see if he’s on the system,’ said the receptionist.

‘That would be wonderful, thank you,’ said the shorter woman with a smile, ‘His name is Will Wynne.’

Will Wynne! Everyone had heard of Will Wynne. He’d definitely be on there. The receptionist clicked a few buttons, and, sure enough, Will Wynne’s personal information came up. He opened his mouth to read out the address, but stopped himself. Should he really be doing this?

‘Uh, I think I, uh, should probably, you know. Well, what I mean is, I don’t think I should give out the address, but… I can call him and let you speak to him? That way you can ask for his address yourself.’

Hopefully these women would understand. He didn’t want to kick up a fuss, but if his boss found out about him giving personal addressers of League challengers out to anyone who turned up he could get fired, especially ones as famous as Will Wynne.

‘No, that’s alright, dear,’ said the smaller woman, ‘We were hoping to make it a surprise. I understand if you can’t give out the address. We should be able to find it some other way.’

The larger woman turned to the smaller woman, hand on one of the Poké Balls on her belt.

‘Time for my way?’ she asked with a small grin.

The receptionist froze. What on earth did that mean?

‘No, no,’ answered the smaller woman, ‘It wouldn’t be good to make a scene here. Let’s just leave.’

The larger woman tutted, and began walking out. The smaller woman turned back to the receptionist.

‘Thank you for what help you were able to give us, young man.’

‘N-no problem.’

Outside the Pokémon League, the two women stood.

‘Now what?’ asked the larger woman.

‘Now we wait,’ answered the smaller woman.

‘What are we waiting for?’

‘Give it a couple of minutes. Porygon is in there, and has attached itself the Pokémon League database. It should have the information we need in no time. That nice young man opening the relevant files for us should make things a bit quicker.’

***​

Lydia, Will, Max, and Frankie sat around the dining table silently eating the lasagne Lydia had made. It was not normally this quiet during mealtime at the Wynne household. The mugging hung over the table. It was as if Doc and the others were sitting there with them.

‘The police said they’ll be here first thing tomorrow,’ said Lydia.

‘You’ve said,’ snapped Max.

Will hit Max in the arm.

‘Don’t be so rude. Mum’s trying to help.’

‘Hey!’ cried Max, hitting Will back.

‘That’s enough!’ shouted Lydia, ‘We’re all stressed, but we need to be there for each other, not fight amongst themselves. Let’s just wait it out until tomorrow morning when the police get here. They’ll find out who did this. They’ll get you your Pokémon back. In the meantime, we’ll be perfectly safe here. My Pokémon will be more than enough to look after us.’

The three brothers continued to eat in silence. Lydia sighed. If only there were some magic way to lift their spirits. Celebi must have heard her wish because at that moment an Abra holding a small wooden chest with a piece of paper pinned to the top of it was standing in the middle of the table. The whole family shouted and screamed. They knew whose Abra this was: Uncle Terry had come through for them. In the next instant, the Abra was gone, and the chest fell into the middle of the table. Lydia grabbed the letter and read aloud.

‘Lydia, my darling sister, it was good to speak to you last night. Apologies again I didn’t send Frankie anything for his birthday last week. As you know, it’s a particularly difficult time for me. I’m even sorrier about what happened to the boys, but the Goldenrod Police Department are very capable, so I’m sure they will have them back in no time. In the meantime, as substitutes for Will and Max, and a belated birthday present for Frankie, I have enclosed in this chest three rare Pokémon: a Bulbasaur, a Charmander, and a Squirtle. The boys should take one each. I’ll try to visit again soon, but I can’t make any promises. I hope everything is well with you. May Celebi watch over you and the boys’ future. All my love, Terry.’

There was silence at the dining table once again. This time no one even touched their food. Lydia fought back the tears forming in her eyes. After what felt like hours, Max spoke.

‘Can we open the chest?’

Lydia nodded. Max leant forward and pried the lid open. Inside, there were three Poké Balls, each with a Type symbol engraved in the upper half: one Grass, one Fire, one Water.

‘Who gets which?’ asked Frankie.

There was a moment of silence in which none of them spoke.

‘I want Charmander,’ said Will, ‘You both know I’m in the middle of a League challenge. When I get my Pokémon back, that’ll be the one that will complement my team the best.’

The two younger brothers said nothing as Will leant forwards, and grabbed the Poké Ball containing Charmander. There were a few more moments of silence.

‘Can I have Squirtle?’ asked Max.

‘I want Squirtle!’ said Frankie.

‘Shut up, Frankie, I said first!’

‘Boys!’ snapped Lydia, ‘Be nice to each other!’

‘You don’t need a Squirtle, Max,’ said Will, ‘You’re gonna get Wooper back so you’ll already have a Water type. Let Frankie have it.’

Max sighed, rolled his eyes, and then gave a little nod. Will leant forwards, and picked up the two Poké Balls, giving Bulbasaur’s to Max, and Squirtle’s to Frankie. The room fell to silence again.

‘Well, what are we waiting for? Shall we go outside and test these things?’ asked Will finally.

With that, the three brothers all jumped from their seats, and ran out to the back garden. Lydia sighed. Normally she would be furious if her sons ran off leaving half their dinner, but it was nice to see them happy again so soon after the mugging. Who knew how long it would last? She had to make the most of it. If only Terry could be there with them now. He always knew how to cheer them up.

In the back garden, the three brothers stood in a circle, each with Poké Ball in hand. Max faced away from their house and towards the square patch of grass surrounding by high brown fences that made up their garden. His two brothers stood further out into the garden.

‘So, how we gonna do this?’ asked Max.

‘I wanna go first!’ shouted Frankie.

‘I’ll beat you!’ said Max in response.

‘I’ll battle you, Frankie, then Max can battle the winner,’ said Will.

Max opened his mouth to protest but said nothing. They were both using brand new Pokémon, so there was a chance Frankie could beat him in his first ever Pokémon battle. If that happened, Will and Frankie would never let him live it down. Better to watch first so he could get an idea of what to expect, whichever of them he ended up battling.

Frankie and Will threw their Poké Balls to the ground simultaneously. Both Charmander and Squirtle were significantly smaller than Max had expected them to be, much smaller than Poliwag or Wooper had been when Uncle Terry had first sent them. They must have been babies. Bulbasaur would probably be the same size. Max sighed. His new Pokémon was going to take a lot of training…

On being released from their Poké Balls, Squirtle immediately sat down, and Charmander leant forwards and began eating the grass in front of it.

‘Alright, Frankie, you’ve got the type advantage here, so you ought to win, okay?’ said Will.

‘Hey, that’s not fair! I’ve never battled before! I don’t know what I’m doing!’

‘Well, we’re both battling with new Pokémon, so it’s an even playing field. Charmander! To me!’

‘Squirtle! To me!’ said Frankie.

Max chuckled. It was transparent Frankie was only saying that because Will did. This would be hilarious. He watched silently as Will whispered to Charmander. The small lizard slashed the air pathetically, and breathed out a small, black cloud in response to what Will was saying. Meanwhile, Frankie attempted to emulate Will, but seemed to be having less success. Unlike Charmander, Squirtle simply stared at Frankie in bewilderment.

‘Alright, Frankie! This battle’s already started, so I hope you’re ready! I’m gonna have Charmander attack Squirtle now!’

A look of panic passed over Frankie’s face.

‘Charmander! Scratch!’

‘Squirtle! Attack Drill One!’

Charmander dashed over to its foe with its tiny claws raised threateningly. Squirtle simply cocked its head, and continued to stare at Frankie in confusion.

‘Squirtle! Attack Charmander!’

Squirtle slowly turned its head to see Charmander approaching it aggressively, and suddenly realised that it was expected to battle. A look of blind panic came over its face. Fortunately, at that same moment, Charmander tripped over a small stone, and fell, hitting its head against the ground. Squirtle plodded over to it inquisitively. It stood next to Charmander as the Fire type struggled to pull itself to its feet.

‘Charmander! Don’t bother getting up! Just Scratch it!’

‘Squirtle! Uh... Scratch back, okay?’

Charmander moved first, and was able to catch Squirtle off guard. It ran its claws down the turtle Pokémon’s face, causing it to wince in pain.

‘On your feet, Charmander!’

Charmander finally pulled itself to its feet, and made towards Squirtle again.

‘Squirtle! Scratch!’

‘Charmander, hold off for a second!’

Charmander turned to face Will, confused by the order. As it did, Squirtle successfully landed a Scratch attack, knocking it backwards.

‘Yeah! Go on, Squirtle! Hit again!’

Max clenched his fists. Will was going easy on Frankie. They were both using brand new Pokémon, so this was a far more even match than Max had ever had against Will, and yet not once had Will gone easy on him.

Encouraged by Frankie, Squirtle hit Charmander with another Scratch, knocking it to the ground this time. On Frankie’s continued commands, Squirtle jumped forwards to attack again, squealing with excitement as it did. Suddenly, a few bubbles burst out of its mouth, and hit Charmander, causing the Fire type to shriek in pain. Squirtle, completely stunned by what had happened, stood still for a few moments to try and get stock of the situation.

‘Frankie, I think your Squirtle just learned Bubble,’ said Will.

Frankie’s face lit up with delight.

‘That’s great! Squirtle! Bubble again!’

‘Charmander, Scratch!’

Charmander tried to pull itself to its feet, but it was no good. It was hit with another Bubble, which, thanks to the type disadvantage, was enough to knock it out.

‘Great job, Squirtle!’

Frankie ran forwards, and hugged Squirtle, picking it up. Both of them squealed with excitement.

‘Good job, Charmander, that was a great effort,’ said Will, returning the Fire type to its Poké Ball, ‘Now I guess it’s time for you to battle Max, Frankie.’

Frankie’s face dropped.

‘I can battle him for you instead if you want,’ offered Will.

‘No!’ said Max, ‘You said I could battle the winner! I already wasn’t allowed to be in the first battle! I want to battle Frankie!’

‘Frankie doesn’t have to battle you if he doesn’t want to. It’s up to him. He’s a new trainer. Don’t be such a bully, Max. Why do you always want to pick on him?’

‘Me a bully? You’re the bully, Will!’

Will went to reply, but Frankie interrupted.

‘It’s okay! I’ll battle Max!’

‘You don’t have to if you don’t want to,’ said Will.

‘I want to, okay?’

‘I suppose Charmander does need a rest anyway. Alright, I guess you two can battle then. I’m gonna go inside, and get Charmander rested up. You two have fun.’

With that, Will went back into the house. Max took his place opposite Frankie. Frankie placed Squirtle on the ground in front of him, and patted it on the back encouragingly.

‘You ready to get your butt kicked, little man?’ asked Max, with a big grin on his face.

‘You’re not allowed to be mean if I lose, okay?’ said Frankie, ‘I’m a new trainer.’

‘But your Squirtle’s more experienced than my Bulbasaur.’

‘You’ve got a type advantage!’

‘Whatever.’

Max threw Bulbasaur’s Poké Ball out in front of him, releasing the small Grass type for the first time. Like Charmander and Squirtle, it was much smaller than he had expected it to be, but it at least didn’t seem to be having any trouble keeping its balance. Bulbasaur caught sight of Squirtle, and immediately began growling ferociously. So, it was already able to recognise that it was in a battle. That was more than Squirtle had managed. Max grinned. Perhaps Will had done him a favour by making him let Frankie take Squirtle.

‘Come on, let’s get this going!’ said Max, ‘Bulbasuar, use Vine Whip!’

Bulbasaur turned to face Max for the first time. It cocked its head and furrowed its brow. It didn’t know how to perform a Vine Whip. So, what did it know?

‘Use Bubble, Squirtle!’ commanded Frankie.

‘Ha, don’t you know anything? Grass types resist Water! That was a stupid attack to use! Bulbasaur, use Vine Whip!’

‘You’re just saying that ‘cause you’re afraid I’m gonna win!’

Squirtle fired a torrent of bubbles at Bulbasaur. The Grass type ignored them completely, instead still looking to Max for a command it understood.

‘Scratch!’ ordered Max in frustration.

‘Bubble!’ shouted Frankie.

Again, Bulbasaur cocked its head while ignoring Squirtle’s ineffectual onslaughts.

‘Well, what attacks do you know?’ asked Max.

Bulbasaur nodded, and, as Squirtle sprayed it with another load of bubbles, charged forwards, and hit the Water type with the side of its body, knocking it to the floor. Squirtle was so shocked by what had happened that it instinctively withdrew into its shell.

‘That was awesome, Bulbasaur! What was that, a Tackle attack? Do another!’

‘Squirtle! Come out of there, and use Bubble again!’

Unfortunately for Frankie, Bulbasaur was much quicker to follow its trainer’s command, and hit Squirtle with another Tackle that sent it flying across the garden, ricocheting between the fences on either side. Frankie desperately called out for Squirtle to stop itself, but the order was drowned out by Max’s laughter.

‘Hit it again if you can, Bulbasaur!’

‘No! Stop it, Max! Don’t be mean to Squirtle!’

Squirtle soon stopped moving, but before Bulbasaur got a chance to hit it with another Tackle, the Water type’s head lolled out, making it clear that it had been knocked out.

‘Alright, you win, Max! Leave Squirtle alone now!’

Max bellowed with laughter.

‘Great job, Bulbasaur! Let’s go in and get some rest! Frankie, you better train that shrimpy turtle up if you wanna stand a chance of being a halfway decent trainer! That was a pathetic performance!’

Max returned Bulbasaur to its Poké Ball, and walked into the house ahead of Frankie, who was following, with Squirtle cradled in his arms. Each of them returned to their own bedrooms. Max lay down on his bed, still ecstatic about his victory over Frankie. He let Bulbasaur out of its Poké Ball so it could get some exercise. It appeared on his bedroom floor, on top of various piles of clothes, and growled with pride. Max stood up and congratulated Bulbasaur, stroking it and telling it how strong it was. In his head he saw himself standing next to a Venusaur using its enormous thorny vines to whip Doc and his goons, Weavile and Murkrow knocked out nearby. This would work. It might take time, but it would work. He and Will were going to do something about what had happened to them. At that moment, there was a knock at his bedroom door. He opened it up to see Frankie standing there, eyes wide, and brandishing a small piece of paper in his hand.

‘It’s from Will! He’s gone!’

Max snatched the note off him, and began reading.

‘Dear Max and Frankie, I have gone to recover mine and Max’s Pokémon. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Don’t try and follow me. If I don’t return in the next seventy two hours, you should tell the police to search the Ruins of Alph. Don’t speak a word of this to anyone before that time, especially Mum. I’m telling you two this because I know I can trust you. Don’t let me down. Will’

Max put the letter down on his bedside table. He struggled to contain the mix of feelings swirling in his stomach.

‘We have to help him, Frankie.’

‘But he said not to!’

‘That’s because he’s forgotten that he’s not the amazing Will Wynne anymore! His only Pokémon is that Charmander now! You saw it! It’s tiny! He needs our help! If he had his old Pokémon with him, I’d have agreed with you, but he doesn’t! We need to help him! We owe it to him! This is our chance to do something about what those thugs did to our family!’

‘I guess...’

‘We need to go to the Ruins of Alph! It’s not that far from here!’

‘Do you know the way?’

‘Yeah, it’s easy, we just need to go through the National Park, then Violet City.’

‘Okay...’ said Frankie reluctantly.

‘Come on, Frankie, we have to do this! For our family! For Will!’

 

[lucarioknight56]

Grammar/Style:
No real issues here, but I notice that you use single quotes rather than double quotes when it comes to character dialogue. For me, at least, it makes it slightly harder to read, but I can understand why you'd use them; aving to shift all the time to get the double quotes can be a pain.

With your style, you describe character actions pretty well, better than I've seen with other fics. It makes them come more alive, and that's always appreciated with something meant to be a retelling of what would be a realistic fic.

Plot/Story:
You got me hooked with this take. We've seen plenty of fics where there's a mighty trainer ready to defeat the Pokemon League, but then having them get stolen by a shady group? I certainly haven't seen it before, and I'm looking forward to see how it turns out--especially considering that you have a master trainer with a trainee Charmander to fight for his Pokemon.

Characters:
The three brothers certainly feel like they're brothers, as I can attest, having one myself. We've got the youngest who wants to prove himself, the middle who wants to show off his skills, and the elder who simply wants to have his friends back. All of them feel like they have a place n this story, and I want to see how it comes to pass.

Setting:
You tend to be lax here, unfortunately. You do well in the first scene, but the other portions of your setting description feel weak. Like this, for example:

The three Wynne brothers walked through Ilex Forest. It was pitch black save for the small lights that had been installed along the sides of the soil paths that led back to Goldenrod. The cries of wild Pokémon could be heard almost incessantly from among the thick trees.

You effectively tell us that there's a forest, there's a path, and it has lights on it. There could be so much more to that, description that could make it come alive just like your character actions! Here, I'll take a shot at it:

They walked on a trampled dirt path through the pitch-black oaks of the Ilex woods, guided by the short lightposts along the sides. A cool wind blew through, rustling the needles and stirring the scent of their sap. Beedrill buzzed in the background, hunting for the sweet nectar of the flowers scattered in the darkness. Noctowl hooted occasionally, forcing the Raticate and Rattata to quiver in the nesting places. All the while Oddish roved in clusters, spreading their sweet spores.

Now, I understand that that level of description may not be necessary for this, but just imagine how much better it could be with a higher level of it!

Overall:
A solid start to a promising adventure. Other than some more description in the setting department, it's a perfect read.

 

[Gama]

Hey @lucarioknight56 thanks so much for taking the time to read and review!

Firstly, I'm glad you enjoyed the story and are keen to read more - I'll be very interested to see what you think of upcoming chapters. (Chapter 3 will be published on Monday.)

Thanks very much for the feedback re: description. I found the Ilex Forest scene quite hard to set, but your example is very helpful. I think it'll be useful as soon as next chapter in fact, so thanks very much!

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Good to see you writing again, GaMa. It's encouraged me to return to Bulbagarden a little! We'll see where that goes. It seems I've promised you some feedback, and having read the first chapter and found some time and energy, I'll deliver on that promise.

Chapter One starts the story off fairly strong, with a sort of twin hook. Firstly, competitive pokémon battling as a mass spectator sport, complete with sports commentary. That's fun! I'd like to see more of that, I'm sure. It jars a little that the opponent in this case is a gym leader, and this battle is a league battle - if there's an explanation for that, I missed it. Secondly, three squabbling brothers being done wrong by a gang. After the prestigious stage the story opened on, the change to a so much less public, yet more intense conflict, gets me well invested in the stakes. I like darker takes on pokémon, in general, and this opening is sufficiently so.

What a breeze to read! I haven't read much fanfiction since before I was last properly active, but I've seen plenty of stories with awkward syntax, clunky dialogue, or epithets jammed into every piece of narration. From a technical perspective, your writing reads just fine, which means I won't have to waste words on any basics. If I notice any bad technical habits, I'll let you know! Something else I picked up on was that your character description is mostly concerned with the aesthetic basics. I hope that we'll see some more personal and expressive details in the future.

Your narration is close third person and you make good use of that, which I strongly approve of. Slipping in characterful thoughts as part of the main prose is one of the characteristics of really good writing! However, the narration still feels workmanlike at times, and there's plenty of chaff you could do with cutting out. As a rule, I think it's worth going over each chapter a couple times, trying to strike out anything inessential or redundant. Part of your future improvement on this will just be practice and accumulated wordcount, but there's also a component of discipline. You must have the confidence to, for example, to waive dialogue tags when it's already clear who's speaking.

I will read the next chapter soon, and as I promised, I shall comment on every chapter posted. I look forward to reading more, my friend!

 

[Gama]

Hey @unrepentantAuthor great to see you here and thanks for the review! If my story does nothing but encourage you to return to Bulbagarden I will be very happy with what it's achieved

Glad you enjoyed and thanks very much for the points for improvement. I'm just finishing off editing for Chapter 3 which I'll be posting tomorrow, so I'll try to look over it a few times in order to cut out over-narration. I know that's something my first drafts have a tendency to suffer from.

In terms of the question of Gym Leader versus League Challenge, I think this is a case of my narrative being unclear. To explain, when I've been saying "League Challenge", what I meant was "attempt at collecting all eight Badges followed by challenging the Elite Four", so the battle against Bugsy is part of Will's League Challenge in the sense that he's going for his fifth Badge.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

You're very welcome of course, GaMa. A note regarding the league/gym point: your clarification is helpful, but it is surprising that a gym challenge is such a big deal compared to a tournament. My inference here is that in this setting, taking the league challenge is much more serious and prestigious than I'm used to expecting, which is fine if that's the intention.

Now for feedback on chapter two:

The opening paragraph of your second chapter does well to portray Max's anguish, but you could "he could(n't)" about four times consecutively. Variety in narration is as important as the quality of a line in isolation. I love the inclusion of ariados - partly for the importance of pokémon outside of combat in the characters' lives, and doubly for it being a spider and not something conventionally charismatic like a bird.

Normally I'm sceptical about "cut-to-villain-POV" scenes, but this one has something important: a demonstration that the threat isn't over for Will or his brothers, and further hints at the backstory connection between the gang and Will. It also shows us the group outside of an actual job - Spike's contention still dominating, but with the other characters' less public motives and intentions revealed. Intra-group conflict is always good fun. I hope we see the interplay change over time, much as I expect that of the brothers to.

A note on chaff: "her almost black irises making her pupils look freakishly large" is overextended. You could revise to "her black irises made her pupils unnervingly large" and go about further narration with that kind of cut in mind. (Freakish is fine, it's just a pet hate word of mine.)

The first scene since the mugging with the brothers is a good one: I like the "X stood" recurrence, that's a kind of thing I enjoy. Will still feeling espeon's link is interesting - either he's truly special, or he's bluffing to reassure the brothers. I'd honestly rather it were the second, it endears him to me. It's also always good when characters want something, and have to make an effort to get it, especially when it's counter to the wishes of an ally.

The next scene starts out much weaker. POV characters should have a name, I feel. "The receptionist" doesn't cut it in over the shoulder narration. Additionally, it reads awkwardly to mention his wakeup time first, "and" then when he got to sleep the previous night. Reversing the order or replacing "and hadn't" with "having not" would fix this. Also, it's better to show the effects of tiredness than explain that he is tired.

I'm always delighted to see no-fuss presentations of same sex relationships in my fiction, even if in this case it turns out to be only a cover story.

There's no need for the paragraph spelling out why he's reluctant to provide the address - his dialogue already makes that clear.

I love the use of porygon as a means of stealing private information, but League security is shockingly bad if that's all it takes!

More awkwardness when the abra appears: the stuff about its chest and paper should probably come after its initial appearance. As it is now, it's a really awkward clause. "The whole family shouted and screamed" is the first line I've read that just sounds completely wrong. Feels more like a whooping and hollering moment, and it's a bit abrupt anyway.

Aha! Starter pokémon! A different take on a classic moment. Poor bulbasaur, being nobody's first choice! I hope Max loves his little dinosaur. Not a fan of how Will calls them "these things". Horrific typo soon after: "high brown faces". Betcha meant fences, huh? "have been babies" should be "be babies".

Max's thoughts and the dialogue between the brothers is good characterful stuff, although I'm deeply uncomfortable with the use of seemingly infant pokémon in battle without any brother expressing concern about it. I'm thoroughly invested in pokémon as thinking, feeling creatures, and in pokémon battling as being distinct from cockfighting by way of requiring the consent of the creatures in particular. The procedure of the battle is good stuff, though, and I appreciate the clear limitations of the pokémon and their trainers.

The brothers are all unreasonable in their own distinct ways. That kind of human verisimilitude in fanfiction isn't as common as I wish it was, and to have it clearly present is a clear strength in your writing. I'm sure you'll keep that up.

Another enjoyable chapter, and I hope to read the next one soon.

 

[Beth Pavell]

I've been meaning to read this one for a while, so here's Chapter One at least:

Technical Accuracy/Style
Literally one thing to pick on as far as technical accuracy is concerned, which isn't a surprise given the other story of yours I read (I think it was The Island of Dr. Fuji). You've formatted all interrupted dialogue with commas after the dialogue tag, where there should be full stops. It's very much a technicality, but if you want to correct it, there it is. In general I'd say your style here is better. Your prose is pretty simple and straightforward, which gets the job done.

Setting
There were plenty of nice little details scattered throughout the chapter that hint at a bigger world. It doesn't feel like a game haphazardly transplanted into a prose story. I liked the little hint at religion, the commentators hinting at the wider paraphernalia of pokémon training, those little details that give the impression this is a world that actually functions.

If there were anything to change, I'd say that the scale of the stadium doesn't fit an audience of 2-300 people. I think, based on the rest of the description, that you were going for a big event, and a few hundred people isn't very many. A few thousand is still relatively small as far as sporting audiences are concerned, but I think it would fit better.

Story
The first half of the chapter is definitely better than the second. You set up Will and his family well enough that I didn't find myself wanting to know more right now. I kind of wonder whether the battle could have gone on for a bit longer - we're told it's at least been challenging for Will, but then it's over in more or less a single move after that. But you could also argue that a longer battle would screw with the chapter pacing, so perhaps something to think about.

Characters
This is where I found the second half the chapter weaker. There's at least four antagonists, I think, presented to us in one gulp. In the events that unfold it's only really Spike and Doc that really have anything to do. Since we haven't had any introduction or information about them it's hard to really be invested in the ensuing drama.

 

[Gama]

@Beth Pavell Thank you for taking the time to review Ch1. Glad you've found this to have progressed from Fuji - I've tried to incorporate the helpful feedback I got on that story (including that kindly given by yourself). I'm also pleased in particular that you've found the references to a larger world positive: I have found it quite difficult to strike the balance between having them present and leaving the whole thing feeling cluttered and confusing (hopefully you don't feel I've gone the other way in future chapters!). I think the presence but the lack of development of the two other muggers is perhaps an example of falling the wrong side of that balance. I'll try to correct in future chapters (though I have a feeling you might find Chapter 2 a problem in a similar way...)

On a similar note, it's interesting you raise the possibility of Will's battle against Bugsy being longer. Not sure if you've seen that this is a relaunch but in the original the opening battle was actually a full 3v3 with the mugging being relegated to Chapter 2. Reason for cutting it down was I felt it dragged a bit, but point taken on the references to it being a tough battle being a bit tell rather than show, and not really being reflected in the narrative we see. Good point also on the audience size - thank you for raising.

@unrepentantAuthor Thank you for your Ch2 review. I don't have an enormous amount to say, but I've taken your constructive comments are very useful and I've taken them on board... I've also immediately fixed the brown fences/faces typo... d'oh! Glad too to hear the things you're interested in: I think as a general statement these things will continue to be interesting as the story develops.

 

[Gama]

Chapter 3 – Out of our Depth​

Lydia opened the front door to reveal two fully uniformed police officers. One was a tall woman with shaved blonde hair and the other a short woman with long black hair.

‘Oh, hello officers! I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow. Thank you so much for coming this evening. Please, come in and take a seat. Would you like a cup of tea?’

‘Good evening, ma’am,’ said the shorter officer, ‘Tea won’t be necessary, but it would be great to sit down and speak to you about what’s happened.’

The two police officers followed Lydia in. The three of them took seats at the dining table. The shorter police officer took a small notepad out from her back pocket.

‘So, what would you like to talk to us about?’

‘Well, I originally called to report that my three sons were robbed on their way home from my eldest son’s Gym challenge last night… but they’ve all run off since then. It’s only been a couple of hours, so I wouldn’t normally worry, but what with the mugging I looked through their rooms, and I found this note. It’s from Will, my eldest, to the two younger ones. It says something about sorting things out and the Ruins of Alph.’

‘I see,’ said the shorter officer, ‘Do you have the note with you? It would be useful if we could hold on to it for evidence.’

‘Of course,’ said Lydia.

Lydia quickly rifled through her pockets, took out the small scrap of paper, and passed it over.

‘Thank you,’ said the shorter officer, ‘Now why don’t you tell us everything that happened. Please don’t leave out any details, no matter how trivial they may feel.’

***​

‘I don’t know about this, Max. I think we might be out of our depth here. What if we get hurt?’

‘We have to take that chance, Frankie! If you’re worried about us getting hurt when we’re travelling together, and later with Will, how bad do you think it’d be for Will by himself? His only Pokémon is that Charmander. Your Squirtle beat it in battle, and my Bulbasaur beat your Squirtle! That means he’s got the weakest Pokémon out of all three of us! He needs our help!’

‘How do we know he’s even gonna be at the Ruins of Alph?’

‘His note said to send the police there if he’s not back in 72 hours. Where else would he be?’

‘Anywhere! It’s been two hours. He’s not due there for like two days!’

‘Well it’s our only lead and he needs our help now. Look, there’s obviously something there. If he’s not there yet he will be. We need to get there as fast as possible. What if he’s already there and in trouble?’

Frankie mumbled incoherently. That was close enough to agreement for Max. The walk North out of Goldenrod along the now dark streets of Route 35 seemed to take forever. The total emptiness of this usually bustling, wide road gave it an eerie feeling, not helped by the full moon shining down. Max’s Bulbasaur strode ahead of the group by a few steps, paying attention to no one but itself. Next in line was Max, trying to keep up and show his strength. Every few seconds he looked either back the way they came or into the trees that lined the edges of the Route. The noises were just wild Pokémon or the wind, of course, but then why did they all sound so much like Doc’s voice or Spike’s Weavile or the blue-haired girl’s Murkrow? Each time, he shot a quick glance at Frankie. His little brother couldn’t know he was afraid. He had to be strong, like Will would be if he were here. Fortunately, Frankie was far too preoccupied with trying to keep up a decent walking pace while Squirtle clung to his leg to notice anything else going on around him.

After what seemed like forever, the brothers and their Pokémon reached the entry gate to the National Park. They would need to pass through here on the way to the Ruins of Alph to help their older brother, Will. The small office was poorly lit with some barely visible pictures of Bug Pokémon on the walls. Opposite the door they had entered through another door led into the National Park itself. To their left, there was a reception desk behind which a middle-aged woman in a Park Warden uniform reading a newspaper stood.

‘Oh, good evening boys. We don’t get many visitors this late. Are you just passing through?’

‘Yeah, we’re on our way to the Ruins of Alph,’ said Frankie.

‘Shut it, Frankie!’ shouted Max, ‘Are you stupid?’

‘What?’

‘We can’t go around telling everyone what we’re doing!’

‘Why not? They might be able to help! We can’t do everything on our own! We’re way out of our depth!’

‘We are not!’

The Park Warden cleared her throat.

‘Is there anything you boys need help with? I can get a police officer to help you out if you’re in trouble.’

‘No!’ said Max, ‘No police!’

‘Police could help too,’ said Frankie.

‘No! Will said no police!’

The Park Warden narrowed her eyes.

‘Are you boys related to Will Wynne? You look just like him.’

‘Now look what you’ve done, Frankie!’ shouted Max.

‘Me? You’re the one who mentioned Will!’

‘Boys, boys,’ said the Park Warden, ‘Calm down for a second. I’m not gonna get you into trouble, and if you don’t want the police involved, I won’t call the police. I do want to make sure you’re safe though. Are you sure there’s nothing I can do? You can stay in my lodge tonight if you’d like.’

‘There’s nothing!’ snapped Max, ‘We just need to get going!’

Before either Frankie or the Park Warden could say anything further, Max stormed forwards, and walked through the opposite door, Bulbasaur following immediately after him. Once in the Park, Max suddenly stopped and took a sharp breath. Bulbasaur did the same. It was amazing. It was an enormous space covered with closely cut grass and an enormous fountain in the middle. The whole place seemed alive with the movement of Pokémon. The quiet buzz of Weedle and Caterpie came from the patches of long grass around the Park. Hoots of Noctowl and Hoothoot came from the trees which reached four or five times Max’s height and formed a perimeter around the Park. Occasionally, there was an aggressive squeak from a group of Rattata and Raticate or the buzz of a larger Bug Pokémon, such as a Heracross, as territorial disputes blew up. The moon covered all of this in a gentle glow.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ came Frankie’s voice from behind Max.

Max turned to see his little brother, Squirtle attached to his leg, anger on his face. Perhaps he had been harsh to Frankie. Perhaps he should apologise. Before he could, Frankie continued.

‘What the hell, Max!? You just wanna be the hero like Will! Well you know what? You’re not like Will! Neither of us are! We’re not strong like him, we’re not amazing like him! He’s one of the best Pokémon trainers in Johto! We’re not! We’re out of our depth and we need help!’

And just like that, all thoughts of an apology disappeared.

‘Maybe you need help!’ shouted Max, ‘I’m just a good a trainer as Will! I’ve just not been at it as long as him! Just you wait – when we meet up with him again Bulbasaur will be just as strong as Will’s Charmander!’

‘You wish!’

‘Oh, you don’t think so? Well, watch this!’

Max stormed towards a patch of long grass ahead of them.

‘What are you doing?’ asked Frankie.

Max didn’t answer. He just walked straight into the long grass, Bulbasaur by his side. The grass came up to his shoulders. As he entered it, the grass came to life with buzzing.

‘Max!’ shouted Frankie, still keeping his distance, ‘You’re disturbing the Bug Pokémon! They’ll attack!’

‘Let them attack!’ Max shouted back, ‘Then you’ll see what me and Bulbasaur are made of!’

At that moment, Max felt something bite his ankle, and let out a cry of pain. Bulbasaur leapt towards the culprit, managing to pry a Weedle off its trainer with one of the vines from its bulb, and throw it far outside the long grass.

‘Nice one, Bulbasaur! See, Frankie?’

Rustling from behind him. Another two Weedle wriggling towards them through the undergrowth. Perfect practice for Bulbasaur!

‘Bulbasaur! Hit those two with your vines!’

Bulbasaur immediately did as it was told, causing both Weedle to faint. Max laughed in delight, but before he could check if Frankie had seen, three more Weedle were crawling all over Bulbasaur, who was struggling to shake them off. Where were they all coming from? Max tried to pull one of them off for his Pokémon, only to be stung in his hand. He yelped in pain. This was starting to get bad.

‘Frankie! I need your help! Get Squirtle in here!’

‘Just get out of there, Max! I told you we were out of our depth!’

‘No! How are we gonna save Will if we give up every time it gets hard? Get in here!’

Frankie didn’t respond, but Max heard him approaching behind him through the long grass. At the same time, he felt another Weedle crawling up his leg. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. Soon, Frankie was standing next to him, Squirtle still desperately clinging to his leg. Max couldn’t count the number of Weedle on Bulbasaur. More and more Weedle crawled over his own arms and legs, pricking and nibbling wherever they could find bare skin. He tried to say something to Frankie, but the words weren’t quite coming out. His body wasn’t responding the way it normally did. Everything was getting slower. This was too much. What had he gotten them into? If he couldn’t handle a few Weedle, how was he going to deal with Doc and his goons? How was he going to help Will? Maybe they really were out of their depth. Well it was too late now. His vision blurred. The buzzing bugs and his brother’s screaming sounded far away. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a heavy grip on each shoulder, and then blackness.

***​

Will took a deep breath in to prepare himself for knocking on the large wooden door in front of him. He had given Charmander some basic training and scoped out the usual areas. That was all he could reasonably do before coming here. If things were going to go badly, they were going to go badly. At least at school there was only so much Doc could do to him. He raised his hand to knock.

‘Come in,’ came Doc’s voice from within before Will’s hand reached the door.

Will gasped involuntarily. He looked up to the ceiling of the school corridor and spotted Doc’s O-shaped Unown floating in the corner above the door to his office, its huge singular eye watching out for unexpected visitors. Will took another deep breath. He should have checked for that first. He was getting sloppy. Well, he was here now. If things were going to go badly, they were going to go badly. He pulled open the large door, and stepped into Doc’s office.

‘Good morning, Will. To what do I owe the pleasure so early? Weekend battle practice isn’t for another three hours.’

Doc sat behind his large, paper-filled desk looking at Will through his thick-rimmed glasses with a sinister smile on his face. The morning light shone through the large window behind him, making it difficult to look in his direction and easy to miss the D-shaped Unown floating a few feet above his head. Bookcases filled to the rim with battle theory and strategy books covered the entirety of the walls.

‘You know why I’m here, Doc.’

Doc chuckled slowly while straightening his tie.

‘One can never know another person’s reasons for doing something… but it’s true that I can make an educated guess. Why don’t you take a seat?’

Doc gestured at the three comfortable-looking black armchairs facing his desk. Will sat in the middle one. He placed his hands flat on the desk in front of him, and stared directly into Doc’s eyes.

‘I want mine and Max’s Pokémon back.’

‘Oh, you do, do you?’

Doc stared at Will for a few moments before continuing, his smile becoming a smirk.

‘Well that’s too bad. As I explained at the time, on Friday night I was collecting your debt to me. They’re my Pokémon, not yours. You wouldn’t have any of that special Will Wynne strength if it weren’t for me.’

‘Poliwrath was a gift from my uncle. That was nothing to do with you.’

‘No… Poliwag was a gift from your uncle. Its evolution to Poliwrath and the Impossible Hit Drill that you used to defeat Bugsy… they were gifts from me.’

Will clenched his fists and took another deep breath. He must keep calm. Losing his temper with Doc would help nothing, it would just play into his games. Doc straightened his tie and continued to speak.

‘I’ve not had an easy life, Will, as you well know. It’s been a long journey from being nothing to becoming both the Pokémon League’s number one coach and running Johto’s criminal underworld. Everyone I’ve worked with, worked for, all the shit I’ve stomached… Silph, Team Rocket, the Trusted, the Dragon Clan… all of it, I’ve always come out more powerful afterwards. Do you know why that is?’

Will sighed.

‘Why?’

‘One simple rule. I never allow anyone to take what’s mine. I will do anything and work with anyone to make sure I don’t lose what I already have. Protecting what’s yours is the hard part. If you can do that, getting more is easy. The last two years of training I gave your Pokémon was a loan. It was an investment in you, and I expect a return on that investment. What happened on Friday… it was your fault really. You left me with no choice. It was the only way I could collect the debt you owed me.’

Will winced and took another deep breath. He had to focus on what mattered, he must not get drawn in.

‘At least give me Max’s Wooper back. He had nothing to do with any of this.’

Doc looked into Will’s eyes for a few moments more, still smirking. It was as if he was searching through Will’s thoughts, identifying the perfect way to break him down. Will stared back and focused on breathing in and out. He couldn’t let Doc get to him. He would defend against Doc’s mind games.

‘Oh, I suppose I could stretch to giving Wooper back… the only problem is that I left all four Pokémon in Spike’s care, and you know how he is. You’ll have to go down to Alph and get them yourself. Don’t worry though, I’ll keep an eye out for you. I always do.’

Doc gestured at the Unown floating above him as he said this. Will stood and slammed his fists on the table.

‘Fuck you!’ he shouted, jabbing his finger towards Doc’s face.

Doc rocked back in his chair, and let out another long, patronising chuckle. Will sat down in his chair, instantly humiliated.

‘Back to the old fiery Will after all, eh? I knew he wouldn’t be gone for long. Anyway, as I said, there’s nothing more I can do for you. If you want yours and Max’s Pokémon back you’ll have to go to Alph, and speak to Spike yourself… but I think you already knew that’d be the answer, didn’t you?’

***​

Max opened his eyes, but it was so dark that he couldn’t see anything anyway. He rolled over to grab Wooper, but found his beloved partner was not there. In fact, this wasn’t his bed at all. Where was he? He sat up and strained to see whatever little he could, but it was no good. What had he been doing? Something important, that was for sure. He and his brothers had been mugged. The thought of Doc and his goons sent a shiver down his spine. That had changed everything, but how did he end up here? That was it. He and Frankie had gone to help Will, gone to defeat Doc and his goons. They had gone to the National Park. He and Bulbasaur had been fighting some Weedle, and then… nothing, so how did he get here?

‘You’re awake,’ said a quiet voice a few feet from Max.

Max screamed. The speaker shushed him.

‘Quiet, quiet, you’ll wake your brother.’

The sound of a match striking. A small candle was lit near where the voice had come from. It didn’t do much, but it did reveal the face of an elderly woman wearing all black, seated next to Max’s bed. He looked to the other side of him and could just about make out Frankie asleep in another bed.

‘Who are you? Where are we?’

At this point, Frankie began to stir. Max put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. He had to be brave for them both. Frankie looked up at him as he woke.

‘Max? Where are we?’

‘It’s okay, Frankie.’

The elderly woman turned to face them both, and spoke with a heavy accent that neither of them could place.

‘Good morning boys. I hope you slept well. You can call me “Crow”.’

‘Crow?’

A cawing noise from above Max’s head. He turned to see a pair of Murkrow seated on the headboard of his bed. He immediately recoiled. This was something to do with Doc and the blue-haired Murkrow girl that had taken Wooper’s Poké Ball from his belt when they’d been mugged. There was no doubt about it. He felt a soothing hand on his arm.

‘Don’t let my Murkrow alarm you,’ said Crow, ‘They only wish to help you. They help me watch over KanJo. They are the ones who brought you here.’

‘Why… did they bring us here?’ asked Max.

‘You have the touch of my family on you.’

‘Your family?’

‘Yes… You must have met one of them, or one of their Murkrow. They were taken from me and I am trying to find them. Do you recall meeting anyone who this might be?’

Neither Max nor Frankie spoke. There was no doubt that the family member in question was the blue-haired girl that had mugged them, but should they say that? If Crow was associated with her, she might be on the wrong side of whatever was going on.

‘You’re nervous,’ said Crow, ‘I understand that. Well, I hope I can win your trust with time.’

‘How long are you going to keep us here?’ asked Max.

Crow’s face became a scowl.

‘Keep you here? You’re not prisoners. You’re free to go whenever you please.’

She waved her hand dismissively before continuing.

‘We are travelling within the wings of the Night Honchkrow. He is taking you to where you need to be.’

‘Night Honchkrow… What… Where do we… “need to be”?’ asked Max.

‘Aren’t you trying to help your brother? That’s all either of you spoke about while you slept. We’re on our way to the Ruins of Alph.’

Frankie leant forward.

‘Will you help us? We can’t do this alone. We’re out of our depth!’

‘We are not!’ snapped Max.

‘We are! We couldn’t even beat a few Weedle!’

Before Max could respond, Crow interjected.

‘Whether or not you are out of your depth is the wrong question. If there is something you must do, the question is whether or not you are ready. If you are not ready, then you must do what you can to become ready.’

Silence held once more. Then, Crow turned to face the darkness behind her.

‘We’re here.’

A hole opened in the darkness behind her, its edges shaped like feathers. Through it the brothers could see morning light shining over a rural Route a great distance below them. For a second, they could see everything around them: Crow, olive skinned, all but her face covered in a black feather coat seated on a stool next to their two beds, also entirely black, and more Murkrow than they could count perched all over the tiny room. In the next second, they were falling, and an enormous Honchkrow was flying away above them. They landed in the long grass with a thud that should have been painful but was not. Max and Frankie pulled themselves to their feet and stared at each other. Neither understood or quite believed what had just happened. There was so much to say that nothing could be said. It took Max a short while to determine the only thing he truly needed to say.

‘I’m sorry. You were right. We’re not as strong as Will. We need to be careful.’

‘No, I’m sorry,’ said Frankie, ‘You were right. We need to help Will and if we’re gonna do that we need to be strong.’

Max smiled and pulled his younger brother into a hug. They held the hug for a few seconds.

‘What… happened?’ asked Frankie.

‘I don’t know,’ said Max, still hugging his younger brother, ‘But we don’t have time to worry about it now. Let’s start training. Let’s make Will proud.’

***​

Lydia held her head in her hands. Her boys needed her. She knew it, could feel it, and yet she was sitting here, doing nothing. She felt Ampharos’ reassuring hand on her shoulder, Donphan rub its body against her legs under the table, and Ariados, seated on the table in front of her, place its foreleg on her hand. The three of them were stronger than any police Pokémon. They knew it and she knew it. Suddenly, her brother was sitting at the table opposite her with a small Abra on his shoulder.

‘Terry!’ she exclaimed.

Terry Starr was a large man, six and a half foot tall and nearly as broad. Small streaks of grey ran through the long black hair hanging on either side of his head and through his wild black beard. He wore a brown, raggedy cloak over damaged hiking gear in desperate need of a wash, or better yet, being replaced altogether.

‘Hello Lydia,’ Terry said slowly with a smile, ‘It’s good to see you.’

Terry placed his hands on the table in front of him. Lydia held both.

‘How long can you stay for?’ she asked.

‘Five minutes, maybe ten. I don’t want to push it further than that. If they trace me to here it’ll put you and the boys in danger.’

‘The boys aren’t here. They’ve all run off trying to be heroes.’

‘You must have known they would. That’s what we would have done. Your sons have our fire.’

Lydia paused.

‘I suppose… I’m just so worried though. It sounds like they might be involved in something serious.’

‘You’re worried about the amazing Will Wynne?’ asked Terry, chuckling.

‘Will doesn’t have his Pokémon, Terry,’ snapped Lydia.

The smile disappeared from Terry’s face.

‘I’m sorry… but you’ve reported everything to the police?’

‘Yes, two officers were here this morning.’

‘The Goldenrod Police are very capable. They’ll get to the bottom of what’s going on and keep the boys safe.’

‘What if the police are out of their depth? They’re nothing compared to us. Me and you should be out there protecting the boys and getting their Pokémon back. Those thugs wouldn’t know what hit them. It’d be just like the old days.’

Terry frowned.

‘Leave it to the police, Lydia. I’m closer than ever to finding Aaron, to finding your husband. If the Trusted think you’re back in action, it’ll all be over, and all this work will be for nothing!’

Lydia stood.

‘You’ve been closer than ever for nearly ten years! I’m never going to see my husband again! If you want to be a good brother, a good uncle, you should be here with us, not on some hopeless mission!’

At that moment, a loud knock echoed through the house. Both Terry and Lydia turned to face the front door. In the next moment, Lydia was alone with her Pokémon. She sighed.

‘Coming!’ she shouted.

Upon opening the door, she once again saw two fully uniformed police officers, but different ones than before. These were a man and woman of average height, both with meticulously neat, short dark hair.

‘Good morning, ma’am,’ said the female officer, ‘We’re here to talk to you about the robbery you reported yesterday.’

‘Oh… thank you,’ said Lydia, ‘But I spoke to two officers last night. Is this a follow-up?’

The two officers shared a confused look.

‘I’m sorry, ma’am,’ said the female officer, ‘There must have been some kind of mix-up at the station. We came to take the initial report.’

She then turned to face the male officer.

‘Could you call the Chief and check what’s happened please?’

The male officer nodded and took a few steps away from the house.

‘Would you like to come in and sit down?’ Lydia asked the female officer.

Just as the female officer was about to smile and politely accept Lydia’s offer, her partner came running back.

‘The Chief said no other officers have been sent here. We’re the first.’

‘Then who did I speak to last night?’ asked Lydia.

Her heart started racing, her hands clammed up. If they weren’t police officers, who were those women? Had she gotten her boys into even more trouble? The two officers took turns to begin to speak but say nothing. What staggering incompetence. There was now no doubt whatsoever that they were out of their depth. That settled it. No more waiting around, no more relying on unreliable people. This was far more important than Terry’s hopeless mission. It was time for Lydia Wynne to take things into her own hands.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

A couple critical notes for chapter three: "Park Warden" is a title rather than a name, no caps needed. Still some superfluous dialogue tags that disrupt the flow. Should ampharos have a 'paw' rather than a 'hand'? Terry being 'nearly as broad' as he is tall might be exaggeration but it did make me picture him as literally six foot in girth, if that wasn't the intention. "Aaron, your husband" is very "as you know" and you should find a way of including that information without it sounding odd for Terry to say.

I'm so pleased to see Max making outright terrible mistakes consistent with his characterisation. I always enjoy when characters make their own disasters, it's more interesting that way. Something else I continue to enjoy about this story is the presence of pokémon in meaningful and unusual ways - in this case the unown doorkeeper. I also enjoy Doc's rather objectivist perspective on Will's pokémon - the distinction he makes between poliwag and poliwrath. That, and his careful manipulation of other characters. I have a reasonable suspicion what his end goal is by now

Spoiler

to blackmail Will into being his new and more reliable lieutenant to replace Spike

How intriguing to have a vaguely supernatural event occur, and one that ties in with the main antagonists. I see you're piling on mysteries and connections more and more, and I still have no idea who the tall and short women are. I am thrilled that now Lydia realises this and wants to take action. I'm excited to see where this goes! Keep this up, I'm invested now. ;P

 

[Gama]

Thanks for your comment @unrepentantAuthor

I appreciate the technical points: think you're right about paw v hand and on "Aaron, your husband". The idea of Terry being six foot in girth is a bit troubling - I suppose I didn't choose my words too carefully with that one! My intention is for him to be a very bulky and broad man, but not making it into the Guinness Book of World Records or anything like that.

It's always gratifying to see people guessing and theorising about what's coming and being engaged in the mysteries and connections. All I'll say on that note for now is that all will be revealed with time!

Next chapter will be published Monday as planned.

 

[Ambyssin]

Hiya. So, I've given this a look see and kind of mish-mashed all my thoughts together into a review. Though you're welcome to ignore it. You wouldn't be the first. ^^;

Starting off here, I'm also the type of person who really gets a kick out of seeing the League Challenge turned into a competitive sport. I love that you went full throttle for it, too. Stadiums, overly-enthusiastic announcers, regional pride centered on a championship. As a somewhat casual sports fan, it tickled all the right spots for me. And I actually liked the kind of Western standoff that the battle took. I'm always a sucker for the "guy goes down in one shot to a stoic, badass opponent" schtick, and I thought Poliwrath pulled it off well. I mean, Dyanmic Punch just causing a big explosion? Very fun! Likewise, to your credit, I think there was just enough personality given to the Kanto starts in the obligatory tackle battles in chapter 2 to make it not be entirely stale. Little things like Charmander tripping mid-charge or Squirtle freaking out and ducking in its shell do make me smile. As is the case in chapter 3 where Bulbasaur and Squirtle mimic Max's over-confidence and Frankie's cowardice, respectively. I always like seeing 'mons pick up traits from spending time with trainers.

Onto the Wynne brothers. At the moment, they're a mixed bag for me. Initially, it really didn't feel like any of them were acting age-appropriate, especially around each other. Now, I get that siblings can argue, but a lot of their back-and-forths sounded really childish. There were a lot of "Nuh-uhs!" going back and forth. It really made Frankie and Max feel more like they were under ten years old than the ages you stated them to be in the first chapter. Frankie's big brother worship of Will really didn't feel like something a twelve year old would do. Likewise, Will seemed to age down when he was around them. I thought this got better toward the later parts of chapter 3, especially when Frankie and Max are picked up by Crow. This also ties into the fact that, up until that same scene, I honestly didn't think Max liked Will or Frankie at all. There hadn't really been any points before this where the brothers seemed genuinely loving toward each other besides Frankie idolizing Will. Seeing Max's change of heart and willingness to train up softened that up for me. I'm definitely rooting for him now.

Likewise, I'm not really sure what to make of the antagonists so far. Mainly because a lot of them were thrown at me really quickly. And because you initially didn't give any real hints as to what the trouble was between Doc and Will, I was honestly confused why Doc mugged him other than to be a massive prick. Again, chapter 3 does a bit to fix that. Doc seems like one of those smug, self-serving types who's not afraid to use everyone around him as a footstool to bolster his own social standing. I'm a bit more interested in the women in black, at the moment, because they seem to hint at some sort of greater scope plot beyond a small-time gang. The fact that the Ruins of Alph are serving as a focal point makes me excited for some seriously crazy shenanigans. Lord knows ridiculous stuff could happen there.

The only other bit I can offer is about the flow of these chapters. On the whole, they're easy for me to pick up and dive into. With one exception. Every so often, you have these huge paragraphs that are nothing but big chunks of narration. A lot of the time you do that for scene-setting. And that's not a bad thing. My problem is that, with how short most of your paragraphs are, these long ones are really jarring to come across. To the point where I constantly stop when I get to the giant paragraphs. They actually do suck me out of the moment. You could probably split them in half and that would no longer be an issue for me. That's just me, though. If no one else is bothered by it, then I'm probably just a crazy rambler.

Nice work so far. Looking forward to reading more in the future!

 

[Gama]

@Ambyssin Thanks very much for your review!

I'm glad you enjoyed the sport-style gym match! That's quickly becoming the most commented on thing in this story, so I will have to be sure to give similar features airtime!

Thanks for your comments on the brothers. I can see what you mean about relative immaturity being evident within them. The idea behind it was that I think siblings often find themselves reduced to lowest common denominator squabbling, even when they are far too old for it, but point taken. It's encouraging that you see that offset by how Max and Frankie's relationship deepens as the story goes on. That central three-way familial relationship was actually the original concept behind the story when I first conceived of it way back in 2012, hence the title. Hopefully as it continues to develop, you'll find their engagements deeper. Glad that you are growing to like Max in the end too: he is (like most people imo) a flawed character but it's encouraging you can see the good in him too!

Comment on Doc in Chapter 1 is useful. I am beginning to realise that I may have tried to put the beginning of too many threads into Chapter 1, leading to lots of things being present but underdeveloped. I'll watch out also for the long blocks of narrative you've mentioned - thanks for the tip.

Not going to comment on the other stuff you've said as I think it'll be better to let the story speak for itself! I'll be posting Chapter 4 later tonight so not long to wait either! Thanks

 

[Gama]

Chapter 4 – Training Montage​

Rays of strong sunlight peeked through the trees overlooking the grassy Route 32 outside the Ruins of Alph, and warmed the back of Max’s neck. He stood a few feet behind Bulbasaur. Opposite them, Frankie attempted to coax Squirtle off his leg.

‘Come on, Frankie! Get Squirtle moving! We need to get battling!’

‘Alright, alright! Ease off him!’

Frankie knelt down, whispered something to Squirtle, and pointed above Max’s head. Squirtle looked at Frankie uncertainly. Frankie stroked the small Water Pokémon’s head, and it slowly let go of his leg. Max looked up to see what Frankie had pointed at. A Murkrow high up in the trees looked down at them.

‘What the fuck!?’ shouted Max.

He backed away from the Murkrow, nearly tripping over Bulbasaur to do so.

‘What?’ asked Frankie, ‘It’s Crow watching out for us.’

Max turned to face his brother once again.

‘Watching out for us!? You think that old witch is on our side?’

‘Yeah,’ said Frankie frowning, ‘She rescued us and took us where we needed to go.’

‘She just wants to use us to find her family. That blue-haired bitch who mugged us in case you’ve forgotten!’

‘Just because someone’s family is bad doesn’t make them bad!’

The two brothers stared at each other silently. The Murkrow flew away.

‘I didn’t mean that about you,’ said Frankie.

‘No, no, it’s okay,’ said Max, ‘I deserved it. I’ve been a shitty brother to you. I’m gonna be better. I promise.’

Silence once more. Bulbasaur and Squirtle looked up at their respective trainers, waiting for guidance.

‘Look, let’s not get into this again. We need to help Will,’ said Max before turning to Bulbasaur and Squirtle, ‘You guys wanna do that too, right?’

Bulbasaur nodded immediately. Squirtle glanced to Frankie, and then also slowly nodded.

‘Then we need to practise!’ said Max, ‘Let’s get going!’

***​

Spike sprawled over the dirty throne that sat at the back of the large, dark room. He looked around him. What a ridiculous room. It must have been built exclusively to make an impression on foreign guests. It probably looked amazing back when it was still used by the Tourism Board, mocked up to look like an important part of Johto’s history and yet in sparkling condition. Those days were long gone now though. Wallpaper peeled off the walls, no carpet covered the damaged floorboards, damp could be seen and smelt everywhere. Spike was the king here now, wearing his red Mohican as a crown, and his throne room was just as worthless and rotten as him. At least he was the boss around here nowadays. A knock at the old, wooden door that faced the throne.

‘Who the fuck is it?’

‘Curtains,’ came the answer.

‘Enter!’ shouted Spike, waving his arms dramatically.

The door slowly creaked open. Curtains shuffled his way in. He was sixteen, just like Spike, but could hardly have looked more different. He was slightly overweight and had long greasy hair that covered the sides of his almost red face. He wore a black beanie hat, over-ear headphones round his neck, a metal rock t-shirt, and a pair of jogging bottoms with holes all over them. He quietly chuckled to himself at a joke only he was in on. What a sorry excuse for a deputy.

‘Hey boss.’

‘What do you want?’ asked Spike.

‘You, uh, asked me to come see you?’

Curtains chuckled to himself again.

‘Yes, of course I did. Why didn’t you start with that? It’s about Will. We got his stupid Pokémon and his little brother’s useless piece of shit too. Doc’s given them to us to look after.’

‘That’s great! Nice one, boss. Doc’s finally giving us the recognition we deserve.’

‘That’s not fucking great. Are you stupid? You think it fucking ends there? We need to teach him a real fucking lesson. On Monday all three of us are gonna be back in school together, and he’s gonna be bitching and moaning, kicking up a fuss. Meanwhile, Doc locks himself in his office to fuck his teenage girlfriend and leaves us to it. Then fucking what?’

‘Uh, I dunno. Then what? You think he’s gonna snitch?’

‘Fuck no he ain’t gonna snitch. He ain’t that much of a pussy, but the point is he’s gonna keep pushing shit until he gets his Pokémon back, and then what? Then nothing is what! Doc is supposed to be leading this shit, but he ain’t got a fucking plan.’

‘Doc always has a plan.’

‘What did you fucking say!?’ shouted Spike, leaping up from the throne.

‘N-nothing.’

Spike strode over to Curtains, breathing heavily.

‘Listen here, you dumb fuck. If I say he ain’t got a plan, he ain’t got a fucking plan. You understand that?’

Curtains nodded quickly.

‘Good,’ said Spike, ‘Now if he ain’t got a fucking plan, we need to get a fucking plan. We ain’t finished with Will. Not by a long way. We need to show him we ain’t people to be fucked with.’

‘I dunno. You don’t think taking Champ’s Pokémon showed him we ain’t people to be fucked with?’

‘Don’t fucking call him that!’

‘What?’

‘Champ! He’s not a fucking Champ anymore! And no, I don’t think that showed him fuck all. You think when the Trusted were running Johto they used petty theft to teach a lesson to people who fucked with ‘em? Fuck no they didn’t. We need to properly fuck him and his family up.’

***​

Bulbasaur and Squirtle stared each other down in the long grass. Max and Frankie each stood a few feet behind their Pokémon.

‘Bulbasaur, grab and smash!’

‘Squirtle, in and out!’

Bulbasaur sent its long green vines shooting towards Squirtle, but the Water Pokémon retreated to its shell the moment they reached it. Bulbasaur picked its opponent up with its vines, and began to shake it around. Just as it did, however, Squirtle’s head burst out of its shell, and sank its teeth into the nearest vine. Bulbasaur yelped in surprise, and dropped Squirtle.

‘Okay break!’ yelled Max.

Both Pokémon returned to their trainers. Frankie and Squirtle sang and danced together, celebrating their victory. Bulbasaur was more sullen. It hung its head in shame as it approached Max. Max scratched it behind the ear.

‘Don’t worry about it, buddy. It happens. Now we know to keep your vines out of biting range for next time!’

Bulbasaur nodded. Max looked at Frankie and Squirtle celebrating. They had only been training for a few short hours, but it was amazing how far they had already come. Only the previous day, Squirtle had been too nervous to let go of Frankie’s leg for even a second. Now Frankie was coming up with his own attack drills and the two of them were winning battles together.

‘Hey Frankie,’ said Max.

Frankie and Squirtle stopped celebrating and looked to Max expectantly.

‘What?’ asked Frankie.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘We already said sorry about yesterday,’ said Frankie, ‘It’s behind us.’

‘No, I mean, I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for always putting you down. You’re my little brother. I should be looking out for you and encouraging you and stuff… but I haven’t always done that.’

The two brothers stared at each other silently for a few moments.

‘Thanks Max,’ said Frankie with a smile, ‘You’re a good brother.’

A little longer passed, neither sure what to say. Eventually, Max broke the silence.

‘Training Squirtle and Bulbasaur is going well, but we’re not gonna be able to help Will with just them. I think we’re ready to start catching more Pokémon.’

Frankie nodded.

‘You still got the Poké Balls we bought from Goldenrod Mart?’

‘You bet! Alright, let’s pop back to Violet Pokémon Center for another quick heal and get catching!’

***​

Park Warden Jones sighed as she leafed through her newspaper. What was she even reading about? The words just weren’t going in. All she could think about was the two boys she’d seen last night: Will Wynne’s younger brothers, she was sure of it. Perhaps she should have done more. She could have stopped them before they’d stormed off into the park. If she had, maybe they’d still be there. Who knows where they are now instead? That Honchkrow could have taken them anywhere. Perhaps she should report it to the police, but the older of the two boys had been so scared of being found, so adamant that the police not be involved. Could reporting what had happened make things even worse for them?

Suddenly, the door into the entry gate opened, and two women, dressed entirely in black jumpsuits walked in. One was extremely large, with blonde hair shaved close to her skull while the other was small with long, black hair that went all the way down her back.

‘Good morning, is there anything I can help you with today?’ asked Warden Jones.

‘I hope so,’ said the smaller woman with a smile.

The two women approached the desk Warden Jones stood behind. The smaller of the two placed small photographs of the two boys from the previous night on the desk.

‘We’re looking for these two boys. You see, they’re my wife’s nephews, and they’ve gone missing. We think they might have passed through here. Have you seen them?’

Warden Jones hesitated. The paranoia of the older boy played back through her head. It was like someone was after them. This woman seemed so nice it was hard to imagine she might be a threat, and yet it somehow felt like a betrayal to the Wynne brothers to give up their location.

‘I’m afraid not,’ answered Warden Jones.

The small woman sighed.

‘I was afraid you’d say that.’

The larger woman stepped forwards.

‘Time for my way?’ asked the larger woman.

The small woman quickly looked around the room, and sighed again.

‘Yes,’ she said eventually, ‘Time for your way.’

‘Finally!’ shouted the larger woman.

In an instant, the larger woman had thrown out a Poké Ball from her belt, and a furious looking Scizor with unusually large and sharp claws was standing in front of her.

‘Scizor, interrogate.’

Before Warden Jones had a chance to do anything, the Scizor leapt forwards, and was behind the reception desk with her. Its claw was around her neck. Its sharp edges cut into her skin ever so slightly. Her heart raced. Was this it?

‘Give me an excuse,’ said the larger woman with a smile.

Warden Jones wanted to speak but she couldn’t. Words wouldn’t come out.

‘I’m going to ask you again,’ said the smaller woman, ‘Take a close look at these photographs. Have you seen these boys? We believe they may have come through here.’

Warden Jones nodded ever so slightly.

‘Good,’ said the smaller woman, smiling, ‘Now, can you tell us where they went?’

Scizor released its grip ever so slightly.

‘Honchkrow,’ croaked Warden Jones.

Both women looked at her in bewilderment.

‘A big Honchkrow with a load of Murkrow around it picked them up and flew away.’

Silence. Were they going to kill her? They had to believe it. It was the truth.

‘Thank you,’ said the smaller woman, ‘That is most useful.’

The larger woman returned Scizor to its Poké Ball. The two of them turned to face each other, as if Warden Jones were not even there. She collapsed to the floor and hid behind her reception desk.

‘They’re with Crow,’ said the larger woman.

‘Indeed,’ said the smaller woman, ‘We’ll have to try to catch them after she spits them out again.’

‘So, what do we do now?’

Silence.

‘We go straight to Alph. That’s our best bet. Either she keeps them, or she drops them there.’

***​

Max stood behind Bulbasaur, staring down the Growlithe opposite them. If it used a Fire attack this could all be over before it begun. Frankie might still have a chance, but this had to be Max’s capture.

‘Bulbasaur, Stun Spore!’ shouted Max.

Growlithe growled, puffing smoke out of its nostrils as Bulbasaur fired out of its bulb a spray of yellow dust that slowly settled on the opposing Pokémon. Growlithe whimpered and jerked its legs. Great! It was paralysed!

‘Now hit it with a Tackle!’ shouted Max.

Bulbasaur rocketed forward, shoving Growlithe with its side. As this happened, the Fire type attempted to breathe fire at Bulbasaur, but its mouth wouldn’t quite open enough. Too little too late! Growlithe recoiled from the force of Bulbasaur’s Tackle. This was Max’s chance. He grabbed one of the empty Poké Balls from his belt, and threw it at Growlithe.

Frankie watched the whole thing with bated breath. He had never seen a Pokémon captured in real life before. One shake. Was Max really going to do it? A second shake. This was always the moment they burst out on TV. Just as the Poké Ball clicked shut and confirmed the capture, Frankie saw something peering out from the darkness between trees just beyond where Max was battling Growlithe. A pair of eyes. Someone was watching them. Max was too preoccupied whooping about his successful capture to pay any attention, so Frankie ran over himself. If they were going to help Will, he would have to be brave sometimes himself. As he got closer, he could tell a little better what he was seeing. A small black sphere with large eyes and a mouth surrounded by purple gas. The Ghost type Pokémon: Gastly. But was it wild or was it sent here by someone to spy on them? There was only one way to find out.

‘Squirtle!’ shouted Frankie.

Squirtle, who had until that point been transfixed with the capture of Growlithe, ran over to where Frankie was, gasping the moment it spotted the Gastly.

‘Use Bite!’

Squirtle winced before leaping face first towards the Gastly. Through all of this, the Gastly continued to watch, unmoving. Squirtle’s jaws made contact with the Ghost Pokémon, a surprisingly loud crunching sound reverberating through the area. Gastly screeched in shock. Frankie wasted no time. Emulating his brother, he grabbed an empty Poké Ball from his belt, and hurled it in Gastly’s direction. The Ghost Pokémon was sucked into the small ball. Well, that confirmed it was wild. It must just have been interested in Max’s battle. It shook once. It shook again. It clicked shut and confirmed the capture. Just before he could celebrate his successful capture, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

‘Well done, Frankie,’ said Max, ‘You’re one hell of a trainer.’

***​

Will walked down the dark and rickety staircase into the Goldenrod Underground. The artificial lights in the thin set of corridors were so bright as to be nearly blinding and the smell of alcohol, cigarettes, and various illegal substances was overwhelming. The place was bustling with people, mostly around Will’s age but some a lot older, bartering across tables and market stalls. Every kind of trade too shady for a Mart was going on here: drugs, sex work, smuggled goods including Pokémon, medicines, and foreign TMs. Every time money changed hands, someone was getting ripped off, but there was one person that profited from every deal: Doc.

Fortunately, Will knew exactly where he was going. He pushed through the boisterous crowds to make his way to a subtle grey door in the far corner of the corridor, tucked away just beyond the other staircase out where most people wouldn’t think to look.

A teenager stood on either side of it, a table with two backpacks on it next to them. Will knew them. On the left of the door, by the staircase, stood Tank. They were in Doc’s Advanced Battling class together. He was the same age as Will but a full head and shoulders taller, impressively muscular, black skinned, and wore a white sleeveless vest over camouflage trousers and flip flops. On the right of the door, by the table, stood Swift, Tank’s younger brother. He was in Max’s class. Though significantly shorter than his brother, he was still slightly taller than Will, extremely skinny, black skinned, and wore all black clothes including boots, tracksuit bottoms, fingerless gloves, and a hoodie. As Will approached, both brothers spotted him. Swift became animated, gesticulating wildly and excitedly jumping up and down. Tank did not move.

‘Yo, yo, yo!’ shouted Swift, ‘It’s fucking Champ! Never thought I’d see you again! What the fuck are you doing here?’

‘Hey guys,’ said Will, ‘I need to use the Training Room and pick up some Pokémon, but what are you two doing on door duty?’

‘We been treated like shit since you left, Champ,’ said Swift, ‘Ain’t nobody left care about us no more.’

Tank’s hand flew across Swift’s face. Swift let out a yelp of pain.

‘What the fuck, bro!?’

Tank cleared his throat before speaking a deep voice that cut through all the noise around him.

‘You need to learn to shut your mouth about things that don’t concern you, little brother.’

Swift rubbed his cheek where he had been hit.

‘Well, anyway, you wanna use the Training Room, yeah? You sure you can handle it, Champ? This ain’t no TV gym challenge. It’s Underground rules in there: anything goes.’

‘It’s me. I can handle it.’

‘Yeah, yeah, I know you a big deal and all, but I heard you got mugged off by Spike and the rest, you know? What you packin’ these days?’

Swift looked to the single Poké Ball on Will’s belt. Will sighed.

‘A Charmander.’

Swift doubled over in melodramatic laughter. Even Tank allowed a smirk to become visible on his usually unreadable face.

‘Yeah, yeah, real funny,’ said Will, ‘Now you gonna let me in the Training Room or not?’

‘Twelve hundred,’ said Tank.

‘Twelve hundred!? You gotta be kidding me! It was two hundred two months ago!’

‘That’s for members,’ said Tank, ‘You ain’t a member.’

‘Oh come on, I’ve only got fifteen hundred. If it’s twelve hundred for the Training Room, I’m not gonna be able to afford any Pokémon to use there! Come on, meet me in the middle here. How about seven hundred?’

‘Twelve hundred,’ repeated Tank.

Will sighed and put his hand on his head. This wasn’t going to work. What could he do? Catch and train against wild Pokémon outside Goldenrod? No, he didn’t have time for that. Head back home and ask for more money? No, that would raise too many questions. Head to the bank and cash in his savings? No, that’s how people got caught.

‘We got a Pokémon that might be in your price range,’ said Swift, struggling not to laugh.

‘What is it?’ asked Will.

Swift rooted through one of the backpacks on the table beside him, and placed a Poké Ball on the table in front of him.

‘Magnemite. Some junkies were using it to power their munchie microwave. Poor fuck ain’t seen a battle in its life. For you, three hundred.’

Will sighed again. There really wasn’t a better option.

‘Alright, give me the Magnemite and a day in the Training Room.’

‘Oh shit, you actually going in with just those two Pokémon? Fuck, what you need all this shit for anyway?’

‘I’m going to Alph,’ said Will.

Tank and Swift looked to each other with eyebrows raised. Will took the money out of his back pocket, and placed it in Tank’s hand. Swift placed Magnemite’s Poké Ball in Will’s hand. Tank gestured for Will to enter the door. Without another look at the two brothers, Will entered the Training Room, and closed the door behind him.

***​

As the sun began to set over Route 32, Max and Frankie stood opposite each other on the grass. Bulbasaur and Growlithe were next to each other in front of Max, staring down Frankie’s Squirtle and Gastly. All four Pokémon were ready to move the second their trainer commanded.

Max thought back over the double battles they’d already had today. If Growlithe could take out Gastly with a Bite faster than Squirtle could take out Growlithe with a Water Gun, then the one-on-one battle between Bulbasaur and Squirtle should be winnable on sheer type advantage: they’d learned from previous mistakes.

‘Growlithe, Bite Gastly! Bulbasaur, Vine Whip Squirtle!’ shouted Max.

‘Offensive defence!’ shouted Frankie.

Growlithe leapt towards Gastly, but the Ghost Pokémon leapt forward as Growlithe was hit by a jet of water from Squirtle’s mouth. A moment too late, Bulbasaur’s vines whacked the Water Pokémon. Growlithe immediately collapsed to the ground while Squirtle, now withdrawn into its shell, was sent spinning off into the undergrowth.

‘Lick!’ yelled Frankie

‘Stun Spore!’ commanded Max.

A yellow burst of spores erupted from Bulbasaur’s bulb before Gastly could get anywhere near it. The Ghost Pokémon’s approach was slowed but not prevented. At the same time, Squirtle emerged from the undergrowth, slightly uncertain on its feet but clearly ready to battle once more.

‘Pincer!’ shouted Frankie.

Gastly and Squirtle slowly approached Bulbasaur from opposite sides. Max smirked. This would have been a good tactic against most opponents, but not Bulbasaur. This was his chance.

‘Double Vine Whip!’ shouted Max.

Two long, green vines immediately shot out from the base of Bulbasaur’s bulb in opposite directions, each one smacking one of Frankie’s Pokémon. Squirtle collapsed on to its back, unable to take any further punishment. Gastly merely recoiled.

‘Don’t let up!’ shouted Max.

Bulbasaur repeatedly whipped Gastly, rendering the Ghost Pokémon unable to move forward whatsoever. Eventually, Gastly let out a pained shriek, closed its eyes, and floated slowly to the ground. The brothers returned all the Pokémon to their Poké Balls.

‘Well done,’ said Frankie, looking at the ground.

‘Well done you. That was such a big improvement.’

‘I guess.’

‘Come on, Frankie! You’ve beaten me plenty of times today! You can’t win ‘em all! Now let’s head back to Violet Pokémon Center so we can go again.’

***​

Lydia knocked twice on the large wooden door in front of her.

‘Come in,’ came a voice from within.

She slowly opened the door and entered. Doctor Ratcliffe, Will’s Advanced Battle Tutor, sat behind a desk covered in papers so disorganised it was hard to imagine how he got anything done. The book cases that filled the entirety of the walls were just as bad: papers and books across the room were ready to drop at any moment. The strong light of the setting sun shone through the large window at the rear of the room, highlighting its imperfections. It was a strange backdrop for someone who appeared to take such care in his personal appearance: his black suit and tie were meticulously neat and tidy.

‘Good evening, Doctor Ratcliffe, I hope I’m not disturbing you.’

‘Not at all, Mrs. Wynne. It’s always a delight to receive a visit from my students’ parents. Would you care to take a seat?’

He gestured to the three black armchairs facing his desk. Lydia sat in the middle one.

‘Will’s gone missing,’ she said, ‘I thought you might have seen him at weekend battle practice this afternoon. I thought even if he’s run away from home he’d still want to attend. He lives for it.’

Doctor Ratcliffe raised his eyebrows, his whole face betraying shock.

‘Missing? No, he didn’t show up today. I haven’t seen him since class on Thursday. I’d assumed he was sick or overslept.’

Lydia let out a sigh and held her head in her hands. Of course that was the answer. What did she really expect? Doctor Ratcliffe leaned forward in his chair.

‘Have you spoken to the police?’

Lydia raised her head, placed her hands on the desk in front of her, and looked back at Doctor Ratcliffe.

‘The police don’t know what they’re doing and something dangerous is going on. Fake officers came to my house and took all this information about my sons. I’m worried they’ve got themselves mixed up in something serious.’

‘Fake police officers? How do you know they were fake?’

‘Well, when the real officers came later they had no idea who the fake ones were, even when they checked back with the station.’

‘Oh my… impersonating police officers. Who do you think they were? Conmen?’

‘They were women actually… and I don’t know. That’s the problem. I want to help but I just don’t know where to start. It’s all just… ugh. I’m sorry.’

Doctor Ratcliffe reached over the desk, and grasped Lydia’s right hand in both of his.

‘Don’t be. I understand this is difficult. I’ll let you know the moment I get wind of the slightest thing to do with Will or your other boys. In the meantime, why don’t you speak to the Goldenrod Chief of Police? He’s a very kind, capable, and patient man, and impersonating police officers is a serious crime, so I’m sure he’ll be interested. He’s also an old friend of mine, so I can let him know you’re coming to ensure he puts time aside.’

‘That… would be great actually. You’d do that? Thank you so much.’

Lydia smiled. Doctor Ratcliffe released her hand.

‘Of course. Whatever little I can do to help Will and his brothers is entirely my pleasure. I assume you’ll want to go right away, so shall I phone him now?’

‘Yes… yes please. That would be amazing, thank you.’

‘As I say, it is my pleasure entirely.’

Lydia bid her goodbyes and let herself out of the office, closing the door behind her. Once she was gone, Doc turned to face the D-shaped Unown floating above his head.

‘D, please get me a line with Saf.’

The Unown immediately projected a circle on to the wall opposite them, through which Saf could be seen sitting in a dark room. She turned to face Doc and Unown as soon as she noticed that the link had opened, her face betraying no emotion whatsoever.

‘Hello,’ she said in her usual monotone.

‘Bad news, Saf. It seems all three of the Wynne brothers have run off and now Lydia Wynne is on the case. I’ve convinced her to head to Goldenrod Police Department, so our friends down there should be able to keep her busy for a bit, but send a Murkrow to keep an eye on her, will you?’

‘Yes.’

Doc drummed his fingers on the table a few times before saying anything else. Saf simply stared back at him, expressionless.

‘Also, it sounds like Jaz and Kaz are sniffing around the Wynnes. Can you try and find out what they’re up to?’

‘Yes.’

‘Thank you… I love you.’

‘I love you too,’ said Saf in return, her face still completely unmoving.

***​

As the light faded, Max and Frankie walked along Route 32 back from Violet City Pokémon Center towards the entrance of the Ruins of Alph. Bulbasaur and Growlithe walked proudly ahead of them, each taking small bursts of steps forwards to take the lead every few seconds. Squirtle walked next to Frankie, looking up at him instead of at the path ahead, while Gastly floated a couple of feet above the brothers’ heads.

‘How do you feel, Frankie?’

‘Good.’

‘You should. You’ve come so far today. I think we’re probably nearly ready to head into Alph, and help Will!’

Frankie smiled, but before he could reply a low chortle came from the trees next to where they were walking. The brothers turned to the source of the noise, and saw an overweight teenager with long greasy hair covered by a black beanie hat wearing all black and headphones round his neck. Curtains. He was in Will’s Advanced Battling class and was always hanging out with Spike. A large Muk stood next to him glaring at the brothers and their Pokémon. He chortled again.

‘Hey mini-Wills. The boss wants to see you. You’re coming with me.’

Growlithe and Bulbasaur immediately charged towards Curtains. Squirtle and Gastly exchanged a quick glance before following suit. The difference in both confidence and ability from this morning was breath-taking in all four Pokémon. Curtains did not so much as flinch. Instead, he chortled, and then gave a slight nod to his Muk. Muk let out a pained cry and fired four shots of purple slime from its right hand: one for each of the brothers’ Pokémon. All four of them were knocked out, falling to the ground, after a single hit. Curtains nodded again, and Muk launched two more shots, these two knocking Max and Frankie themselves to the ground.

The two brothers tried to shout and pick themselves up, but they were so completely covered in the disgusting slime that they couldn’t move or speak. Curtains’ feet crunched on the grass as he slowly walked over to them, chortling to himself again. He leant down so that his face was nearby those of the brothers.

‘There’s no need to make things difficult. Play nice and we’ll play nice with you. Spike is a reasonable guy.’

 

[Ambyssin]

A training montage, you say?

Aww, look, Max is promising to do better. He's mostly in apology mode for his first two scenes here. And it's nice to see that change in him. But actions speak louder than words, so I'm waiting for something more than an apology to see that things have really changed in Max's and Frankie's relationship. They're able to make quite a bit of progress in a short amount of time, too. I'm not complaining. I know there are those stuffy types out there who are dead set on having training be an arduous task that only the most skilled people can do. But I don't think that stuff's necessary to enjoy a fic. Of course, all that training can't really help them when they confront one of Spike's goons. Darn. But an effective way to take the metaphorical air out of the band. I also liked how seedy the Goldenrod Underground was.

Meanwhile, our WIB finally flex some figuritive muscles and continue to be a bit unnerving. My immediate gut reaction to them is Team Rocket, because this is a trainer fic in Johto. But Doc's comments in chapter 3 make me hesitant to think that's actually the case. They could be related to these Trusted folks that have gotten alluded to in the past. But I suppose time will only tell in that regard. It also seems that, for as little as Doc seems to care about his goons, the reverse also holds true. Spike doesn't seem particularly convinced. At this point I get the distinct impression that he and Doc are gonn have a falling out of sorts. But where that ends up leading remains to be seen. He does have an unhealthy obsession with trying to ruin Will's life, though. You, uh, really ought to find a hobby there, Spike. Like Pokémon tra– oh... never mind.

To end off, some silly stuff!

‘Curtains,’ came the answer.

At first I thought this was code for something. But, no, his name's really Curtains. Poor guy. Parents must've lost one hell of a bet. And I imagine life is very awkward for him. "Curtains, can you go get the mail?"

‘Scizor, interrogate.’

I see Scizor took its lessons from Jack Bauer.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Chapter 4 review:

Nice to see some of Spike's treatment of a subordinate, and I like that this guy has more respect for Doc and "Champ" than Spike. Good source of fury. Good to see Max and Frankie getting along better, because Max was going to bleed his supply of my sympathy and interest real fast otherwise. Their making-up goes a bit smoothly, though, and Max needs to show a turnaround in behaviour too.

Good fun seeing "my way" applied to the poor park warden. Scizor is a favourite of mine.

The swearing obfuscates the dialogue a little. I'm an advocate of using "real" and uncensored speech in fiction, but having two separate characters use it constantly makes it feel, ah, superfluous? Not quite the word, but you get my meaning. I'm also noticing an excess in your clothing descriptions. It's not really necessary or stylish to essentially list articles of clothing/accessories, even though it's a common practice in fanfiction. I think this convention probably evolved out of online roleplaying with OCs rather than any prosaic benefit.

I hope that the younger brothers don't accumulate obedient fighting pokémon without nuance. I liked that some other pokémon in this story had other roles or were considered with more sentiment. Obviously they're stressed right now but it doesn't endear characters to me when pokémon are battling tools to them.

Will's scene there is fine, but I'm surprised he makes the deal with Tank and Swift that he does. Catching wild pokémon like his brothers seems like such a better deal. I can only assume that the training room is something spectacular.

Back to Lydia again, I like seeing Doc from her perspective as Ratcliffe. Different POVs actually reading differently is a good thing. It's not necessary to write exhaustive farewell dialogue when you can narrate it concisely, mind. Not a big deal either way.

I think Curtains capturing the younger brothers in order to set up a higher stakes conflict is a good plot development. Good to see that even their intense and productive training doesn't let them face off against an experienced trainer with a powerful pokémon. I can only wonder how Will expects to do any better.

I enjoyed this chapter, and I'm glad that my beta feedback was useful enough to make it into the posted version.