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TEEN: Brotherhood [4th June - Chapter 7: Reunion]

@Ambyssin Thanks very much for your review! Glad you enjoyed Max redeeming himself somewhat and also the fast paced training followed by the encounter with Curtains. The latter was something I was a bit conscious might not come off right since I know it is a bit unusual - I felt like it served the story much better, however!

As for most of the rest of your post, you're quite right to say time will tell :p Thanks for the insights though - it's really great to know what readers are thinking!

@unrepentantAuthor I see you have similar comments to Ambyssin regarding Max & Frankie's makeup so I'll bear that in mind. For a lot of the things you've said I'll also say "time will tell", however I will say that you should rest assured the things you're worried about won't happen.

Thanks also for the point on clothes - I'll keep that in mind for future chapters.
 
I ought to have written this review right after reading the chapter, so a bit of a caveat here - I'm writing on memory.

I'm in two minds. On the one hand there's still a lot of ominous conversation between the protagonists and I'm not really sure why I should care. I think I'm supposed to assume they want Will's pokémon because he's a great trainer, but as I recall he's won ... four Badges? Doesn't strike me as an obvious prodigy. But then, there is a nice bit of reality ensuing when Will's skills as a sportsman do nothing to prevent him from being mugged - something almost nobody does in pokémon fanfiction. Maybe it's because the antagonists have such an outlandish appearance and set of characters, that I'm having trouble really seeing them as more than cartoons.

The battle between starters was unexpectedly amusing. I honestly didn't think I'd see a bunch of pokémon with a fuzzy idea of what a battle is, mostly doing their own thing. It's another thing rarely done in pokémon fanfic, since so often starters do what they're supposed to do right after their new trainer has said "Hi! I'm gonna call you Blaze! Do you like that name?". The problem with that is Will's willingness to go charging off with a baby Charmander. It's dramatic, sure, but he's supposed to be a good trainer. The only way you can explain it away is by him being irrational, but it's not like there are no other options.

There are cryptic references to the backstory between Will and the rest of them, which is leading me to think that you're being too stingy with the context of what's going on.
 
Hi @Beth Pavell thank you very much for the review!

Glad you liked both the reality of the mugging and the initial young Pokemon battle.

Your comment about stinginess with plot is really helpful. On reflection, I think you're right here. Chapter 5 will be published on Monday as planned and I think that will start to reduce that problem slightly and, indirectly, answer some of your other concerns. I will be very interested to see what you think of that chapter!
 
Chapter 5
Chapter 5 – Goldenrod Academy’s Finest​

‘Well, well, well, what do we have here?’

Spike laughed as he sat sprawled across the throne in the middle of the dilapidated room. His Weavile stood next to him, sharpening its claws. Behind Max and Frankie, Curtains could be heard chuckling to himself. Max tried to get his breathing under control, but couldn’t stop hyperventilating. His clammy right hand reached out to grasp his brother’s, as if of its own accord. When he found Frankie’s hand, it grasped him back as tightly as possible.

‘Leave us, Curtains,’ said Spike, waving his hand around above his head.

‘Sure thing, boss,’ said Curtains before chuckling to himself a little more.

Max heard the door open and shut behind him. As soon as it did, Spike sprung up from his throne, and walked towards the brothers. Max wanted to say something, scream, shout, run, anything really, but his body simply would not move. Spike’s footsteps echoed around the room as he got closer and closer to the brothers. He didn’t stop until he was right in front of their faces.

‘Thanks for coming to visit, boys. Let’s have a little fun, shall we?’

Spike turned to Weavile and waved for it to turn forwards. The feline Pokémon leapt into the air and in an instant had cleared the six-foot gap between the throne and the door. Frankie whimpered. Max would have too if his throat had not seized up. Spike pointed at Max. Weavile put the end of its claw on Max’s throat. It was so sharp it felt as though it would burst through, slicing his throat open at any moment.

‘So,’ said Spike, ‘You two gonna tell me where Will is?’

Max didn’t dare move. Frankie simply shook his head. Spike clenched his fists, his face suddenly turning as red as his Mohican.

‘Don’t fuck with me!’

The brothers still said nothing. Spike took a few deep breaths, and then patted Max on the shoulder. He began to speak again, but slowly and softly.

‘Sorry, sorry, I shouldn’t lose my temper with you. I just don’t like it when people completely obviously and blatantly lie to my face. You get that, right? No one likes that, do they? Now, I’m gonna ask you again, and if I get the same bullshit as then one of you is getting something chopped off them, understand?’

The brothers slowly nodded.

‘OK, good, and use words this time please. So, here we go: where is Will?’

For the next few seconds the only sound was Spike’s heavy breathing, his face slowly becoming a grimace.

‘We don’t know,’ said Frankie.

‘Alright, that’s it!’ yelled Spike, waving his arms wildly, ‘Weavile – ear!’

‘We don’t!’ screamed Frankie again as Weavile raised the claw it had against Max’s neck above its head.

‘Stop!’ shouted Spike, raising one arm directly upwards.

Weavile slowly placed its claw back against Max’s throat. Spike let out a deep, long laugh, and slowly walked back to his throne. He lay across it once more, and looked back at the brothers.

‘You really don’t know where he is, do you? Fucking hell! I’d assumed you two weren’t dumb enough to come here without your big brother to look after you, but guess I was wrong! What’s he told you about this place? He told you what we do here?’

Frankie shook his head vigorously. Max didn’t dare move with Weavile’s claw still pressed firmly against his throat. Spike bellowed with laughter.

‘Trying to protect you from people like me, I guess. Well look how that worked out!’

Spike let out another deep, long laugh before continuing to speak.

‘I bet you ickle babies are all confused and scared and don’t have a fucking clue what’s going on. Well let me enlighten you! We are Ursaring Security, and we look after this place on behalf of the Johto National Heritage Group.’

Ursaring? But that was… Neither Max or Frankie spoke, but the looks of confusion on their faces must have given their thoughts away.

‘Ding ding ding! That’s right! Ursaring! Like our school mascot. Go Goldenrod Ursarings!’

Spike pumped his fist in the air and laughed.

‘Good old Doc runs this legitimate business, mostly using kids from his Advanced Battling Class, hence the name. We protect places like this from vandals and other scum like that on the cheap, and in exchange we get somewhere to store whatever we need, no questions asked. All we gotta do is beat the shit out of some unlucky young fucks who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time every now and again so the Heritage Group know we still doing something. Now… where could I find someone like that, do you think?’

Spike sprung back up from his throne, and slowly walked over to the brothers.

‘Any volunteers?’ he asked, ‘We’re about due for an example to be made of someone.’

Max and Frankie clasped each other’s hands even more tightly. Spike walked closer still. He gestured for Weavile to drop its claw, and placed his own hand on Max’s chin.

‘What’s wrong, kids? Scared? Scared of little old me? Ha, if you think I’m brutal you should have seen what it was like when your brother was running this place. Now he was a fucking taskmaster. I’ve got nothing on him.’

Wait, what? Will? Here? That couldn’t be true. Frankie managed to shake his head. Max didn’t move at all. Spike laughed again.

‘Oh, he missed that bit out too, did he? Yeah, he used to be the boss around here, and I was just his lowly deputy. Well, times have changed now, haven’t they? You should ask him about the good old days! I’m sure he’ll be here in no time once he hears about what I’ve done to you poor fucks.’

Spike’s grin widened as he lightly slapped Max’s cheek. A knock on the door behind them. What awful thing was going to happen now? Spike’s face went red again.

‘I’m busy!’ he shouted.

‘You’re gonna wanna hear this, boss,’ came Curtains’ voice.

Spike sighed.

‘This better be good.’

The door behind them opened. Curtains must have entered, but did not come out from behind them.

‘The guards spotted Jaz and Kaz nearby. Doc sent word they’re after these two.’

Spike stood up and clenched his fists, his face becoming even redder. He took deep breaths in and out. He looked as though he was about to speak several times but said nothing, until he eventually started waving his arms and shouting.

‘Get these brats outta here! We can’t have Jaz and Kaz all in our shit while we’re preparing for the Silph Show Dance Theatre raid!’

‘You got it, boss.’

Max and Frankie simultaneously spluttered as Curtains grabbed them backwards by the back of their collars, and back out the door they’d entered through.

***​

Police Chief Darryl Gardo checked himself in the bathroom mirror for what must have been the twentieth time in the last hour. He had light black skin, a shaved head to disguise his receding hairline, a short beard to make it appear style rather than necessity, and a gut that hung over his belt slightly more with every passing day. The reality was that he would soon be fifty and he was fooling no one that this wasn’t the case. He sighed. He had dreamed of the day Lydia Starr would come to visit him for twenty years. Why couldn’t it have happened back when he was still young and impressive? She wasn’t even Lydia Starr anymore. It was Lydia Wynne now that she was married. Another setback in Darryl’s dreams.

He slowly traipsed back to his office so he’d be there when she arrived, and sat down at his desk. It was a small, untidy room mostly focused around the slow, old computer sitting on the desk. Darryl loaded it up and flicked through his emails. Mostly dull administrative matters that someone else should have been able to handle. Debra had made cookies apparently. Perhaps he would have time to get one before Lydia Wynne arrived… At that moment a knock on the door sounded. Darryl cleared his throat, sat up straight, and did everything he could to look like a capable and impressive man.

‘Come in,’ he said.

The door opened to reveal Lydia Starr, no, Lydia Wynne, now in her forties but as magnificent as ever. She had fair skin and long black hair that came down to her shoulders over t-shirt and jeans. She looked furious. Why was she furious?

‘Chief Gardo?’ she asked.

‘Please,’ said Darryl, smiling, ‘Call me Darryl. You must be Mrs. Wynne. Doc told me to expect you. Would you like to take a seat?’

Lydia sat down in one of the seats opposite Darryl’s desk.

‘Who’s “Doc”?’

‘Oh, sorry. Doctor Ratcliffe from Goldenrod Academy. He often goes by “Doc”. You spoke to him, didn’t you?’

‘I spoke to Doctor Ratcliffe, yes. I’m sure you can understand me wanting to double check these things what with the disappearance of my sons and fake police officers visiting my house.’

This sounded serious. Was he supposed to already know about this case? He took a deep breath in and out. Take it easy. She’d give more information if he just let her go on.

‘Of course I understand, but you don’t need to worry about Doc. He’s a model citizen. In fact, most of my best officers are former students of his. Anyway, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?’

‘The investigation into my sons’ mugging.’

Darryl nodded quickly. He could feel sweat dripping down his forehead. How did he get so nervous so soon? This never would have happened when he was a bigshot field officer.

‘Yes, yes, of course. What would you like to discuss?’

‘I assume you already know that two women dressed as police officers claiming to be from your department came to my house and took information about my sons from me?’

Darryl nodded some more. Hopefully that would buy him some time. Yes, he did know that. Two officers had phoned in to check. He was supposed to follow that up. What had he done with it again? Hopefully he’d delegated it to someone to deal with. More likely it was still just sitting there in his endless to-do list.

‘I’m aware. Some of my officers are looking into the situation. It shouldn’t be of any concern to you, however. Based on the statement you gave my officers the information won’t make you vulnerable in any way, and the disclosure certainly won’t impede the investigation.’

‘I didn’t give your officers a statement. I didn’t trust them to handle this properly.’

Oh dear. Now what?

‘Yes, yes, of course. What I meant was that based on what I know of the case it shouldn’t make you or your sons vulnerable in any way. I’m sorry that you didn’t feel you could trust my officers to take your statement. Perhaps you’d be willing to give one to me directly?’

‘First I want to know who these fake police officers are. You must know something about them. You’re investigating I presume?’

‘Uh, yes, yes, of course. Would you mind describing them for me please?’

‘Didn’t your officers pass on the description I gave them this morning?’

What? Didn’t she just say she didn’t give the officers a statement?

‘Of course they did, but please could you describe them again… this is just for the record.’

Lydia sighed.

‘Two women. One tall, white skin, close shaved blonde hair. The other short, dark skin, long black hair. The short one did all the talking, very polite, looked and sounded the part.’

Oh dear. Darryl let out a big sigh and held his head in his hands. He knew exactly who that was. This wasn’t good. He raised his head back up and straightened his shoulders. He would just have to do his best.

‘That’s Jaz and Kaz. They’re bounty hunters. They often use… unconventional methods, but I’ve never known them to impersonate police officers before. I’ll have to have my officers bring them in.’

‘Bounty hunters!?’ exclaimed Lydia, ‘What do bounty hunters want with my sons!? They’re good boys!’

‘That’s what I don’t understand… Jaz and Kaz work hard to collect rewards we offer for information on or capture of certain known criminals. That’s what they’re usually after… but we only offer rewards on criminals associated with organised crime. I can’t think of anything that your sons could even tangentially be involved in. I think the next step here is for us to bring in Jaz and Kaz. We know they’ve committed a crime by impersonating police officers so we can arrest them, and they can tell us what they’re up to. The tricky bit will be finding them.’

‘No,’ said Lydia.

Darryl sighed. What now? For a meeting he had dreamt about for years, this was not very enjoyable.

‘No?’ he asked.

‘No. My eldest, Will, wrote a note to the two younger boys saying that if he wasn’t back in seventy-two hours they should tell the police to search the Ruins of Alph. We need to go there now.’

‘Do you have the note?’

‘No. I gave it to those bounty hunters.’

‘How long has it been?’

Lydia furrowed her brow.

‘They all left yesterday afternoon.’

‘So, just over twenty-four hours?’

‘What are you trying to say?’ snapped Lydia.

‘I can’t just send officers storming into places. The Ruins of Alph is a protected site owned by the Johto National Heritage Group. If I’m going to send officers to search there, I’ll need a warrant. If I had that note it might be a start, but even then…’

‘My sons need your help. Enough with the bureaucracy. We need to go there now.’

An image of him and Lydia Starr storming into the Ruins of Alph, his Houndoom and her famous Ampharos on either side, flashed through his mind. They’d defeat the baddies together, both be heroes, and maybe even fall in love. It was tempting, but he couldn’t. This note that she had seen but no longer had simply wasn’t enough. The Heritage Group wouldn’t stand for it. It could cost him his job. He just couldn’t risk it.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, ‘If I’m going to send officers there. I need more evidence.’

Lydia clenched her fists and stared at him for a few seconds. What was going to happen? Did he need to call for backup?

‘Okay fine,’ she said eventually.

‘Fine?’

‘Yes, fine. I’ll get you your evidence. See you in the morning, Darryl.’

***​

Back outside the Ruins of Alph, standing on the grass of Route 32 beneath the glowing moon, Max and Frankie stood opposite each other saying nothing. After a few seconds, Max pulled Frankie into a hug. The two of them held each other tighter than they’d ever held each other before. Neither knew which of them started sobbing first or for how long it lasted. Eventually, Max removed his right arm from the embrace, and began to dry his face. He had to be strong for his younger brother. The two of them pulled away from the hug altogether, and Frankie looked up at him.

‘We should go home.’

‘Home!?’ exclaimed Max, ‘We can’t go home now! Not after that! It’ll all be for nothing if we go home!’

Frankie scowled.

‘Well, we should at least tell the police! They said that thing about the Silph Show. That’s tomorrow evening! The police can do something with that! If they get arrested, we’ll get our Pokémon back!’

‘Not if they’re hidden somewhere else. Anyway, Will said –’

‘Did you ever think maybe Will didn’t think his plan through properly?’

Max said nothing. When was the last time he had heard Frankie criticise Will? It must have happened before, but not a single occasion came to mind. Frankie took the opportunity of Max’s silence to continue.

‘Seriously! He has a baby Charmander, and he wants to take on those guys solo!? He might be a five Badge trainer, but he hasn’t got a chance! You heard what Spike was saying. These are bad guys. The police would help! Mum would help! Either would do a better job than even us with Will and our baby Pokémon!’

Max opened his mouth to dismiss Frankie’s calls for help, but stopped himself. Maybe his little brother was on to something after all.

‘Maybe Will isn’t right,’ he said eventually, ‘Maybe you’re right.’

‘I am!’ shouted Frankie.

‘But not about the police. What if what Spike said about Will was true? That he used to be involved with those guys? Maybe the police would get him in trouble?’

Frankie scowled again, and opened his mouth to speak. Max continued before he could.

‘Look, not the police, not yet anyway, but let’s talk to Mum. She and Uncle Terry took down The Trusted together. These guys will be a cakewalk for her. She’ll know what to do.’

‘Yes, exactly!’

‘Alright, let’s get going. If we leave now we can be home in a couple hours. We can even get a few hours sleep in our own beds.’

The brothers hugged again, and started walking back towards Violet City. Suddenly, a voice from behind them.

‘Good evening, boys.’

They both turned instantly. Two women in black jumpsuits. One short with long black hair and the other tall with blonde hair shaved close to her head. The shorter woman continued speaking.

‘Thank you for being so loud. It made you much easier to find.’

Max and Frankie immediately grabbed Poké Balls from their belts, only for them to be snatched out of their hands by vines that sprung from nowhere. They looked to the bushes to see a small Tangela standing, barely visible in the darkness.

‘Now, now,’ continued the shorter woman, ‘There’s no need for that kind of behaviour. My partner and I just want a little conversation with you. Our truck is parked just a little to the South of here. Won’t you join us?’

Neither Max nor Frankie moved, fearing what might happen if they did.

‘I apologise. I didn’t mean to phrase that as a question. Tangela.’

The vines that had snatched the Poké Balls out of their hands shot out again, and picked the brothers up. The two women began walking back from the direction they’d appeared. Tangela followed, carrying the brothers above it as it moved.
 
I'm not saying that I consider Spike to be a reliable narrator, but dang if he didn't drop a (potentially) spicy bit of information! First off, the idea that Doc's using some sort of "legitimate" operation as a backdrop for his shady practices is an interesting way to bring up the tidbit that he was involved with Team Rocket. Since that was practically their M.O. in the Gen I games (and a good number of fanfics). I have to question what sort of people would look at Doc's tween army and think that he makes for a good hire... and why they'd be allowed to make decisions related to security. But I'll roll with it. Because the idea that the guy who got put on a pedestal right out the gate of this story may not be all he's cracked up to be is interesting. They also seem to give us the names of our WIB duo. Unfortunate that they cut in before we could learn the sordid details. *snaps fingers* The fact that they're bounty hunters of sorts makes me think of J from the anime. Also, I guess that does it with my Team Rocket theory.

As far as Chief Gardo's concerned, while I appreciate the warrant thingy (I'm no criminal justice expert, of course), I can't help but feel like the inner monologues fantasizing a bit about Lydia seemed kind of... juvenile. He's supposed to be middle-aged and yet that daydream of his seems more like something you'd see in a rom-com or animated show taking place in high school. Similarly, while it's nice to see Max and Frankie have a tender moment, their conclusion that they should go back to Lydia almost makes it feel like the past couple of chapters don't end up amounting to anything because they're right back at square one. I suppose you could say they were just being impulsive at first, and their run in with Spike finally made Max realize he needs to be reasonable and turn to an adult? At least, that's how I'm going to interpret it. Especially since they won't make it back to Lydia. Thanks Jaz and Kaz! :p
 
While in previous chapter I've had more to say about technical quality, today I only have a couple pointers. Firstly, once the readers have heard a description of a character's basic aesthetic features, it's superfluous to have that same description again unless the POV character has something different to think/feel about it. This is most relevant for Jaz and Kaz. If you introduced them each time as a pair of jumpsuited women we'd take the hint. Secondly, I have the impression that your use of dialogue tags is more artful this chapter. Maybe it's just me, but I reckon there's been improvement. I'm glad to read stretches of dialogue that flows without awkwardness.

Regarding the plot progression, I'm delighted to have Jaz and Kaz finally become relevant to Spike, the boys, Lydia, and the police all at once. Knowing their identity and being able to infer their purpose makes them a more exciting presence in the story. Earlier on they crowded the narrative a little, but now there's a common thread. You're also doing much to hold my interest by way of giving out information about Will's past and having his brothers reconsider their perspectives of him. I can't help but feel like five badges is too few to be incredibly impressed with him, but I guess I've just assumed that it's a bigger deal in this setting.

Also, I really don't know how plausible all this stuff about private security and warrants is, I'm not a legal buff or anything, but I suppose as long as it doesn't sound instantly absurd, it doesn't spoil the story at all.

Keep it up, Gama!
 
Thanks very much for the reviews guys!

@Ambyssin Pleased to hear that you enjoyed the revelations and events around Spike and the WIB! Given that I think you should also enjoy Monday's chapter.

Regarding Gardo, what I was going for was that his thoughts returned to a time when he was more juvenile. Clearly I didn't manage that quite right, which is useful feedback so thank you very much :)

And the run-in with Spike making Max realise he needs to grow up a bit is exactly what I was going for.

@unrepentantAuthor Glad you're enjoying Jaz and Kaz's increased role. Now that their names are stated in the narrative I won't be using their descriptions to refer to them quite as much, but thanks for the note on that. It's been kind of difficult to make it clear to the reader that these are the same two characters through the perspective of a variety of different characters meeting them for the first time.

And yes, I realise you've mentioned this before and I didn't respond to it, but the idea is that getting (any) badges is a kind of rare thing that is seen as a big deal, so getting five is quite hugely impressive (more than half way to taking on the Elite Four!)

Both of you have mentioned the warrant and the security arrangement. It's useful to know that that was a point of curiosity for you both, however I will develop that side of things more as things progress.
 
Chapter 6
Chapter 6 – Interrogation​

Curtains entered the dilapidated throne room, gently closing the door behind him. He slowly approached the dirty throne, and placed himself on it. He chuckled to himself. This was going to be a good night. Ever since he had been promoted to Deputy, he had been looking forward to the first time Spike would have to leave. He slipped his headphones over his ears, and pulled his phone out of his pocket to choose an album. Hmm… Aggron Rage. Yes, that would be good. He closed his eyes and smiled, letting the screaming and thrashing of instruments take him to another world.

Curtains found himself walking through a sparkling cave in Hoenn, surrounded by a group of enormous Aggron screaming at the tops of their voices, humans on each of their backs using them as drumkits. He was jolted out of this dream and back into the Alph throne room by a poke in the chest. A woman in her forties with fair skin and long black hair was staring directly into his face, saying something. Behind her stood an Ampharos, an Ariados, and a Donphan, all glaring at him furiously. He pulled down his headphones with his left hand while grabbing Muk’s Poké Ball with his right.

‘Who are you? How did you get here?’ he said.

‘My name is Lydia Wynne. You are going to tell me where my sons are.’

Lydia Wynne? That must be Will’s mum… but what was she doing here? This looked bad.

‘Cue Ball! Knuckles!’ shouted Curtains.

‘Don’t bother,’ snapped Lydia, ‘Your goons have been dealt with. Now tell me what’s going on here.’

Curtains looked to the Pokémon standing behind Lydia. He slowly tightened his grip around Muk’s Poké Ball, hoping to be able to surprise her.

‘Throw that Poké Ball and you’ll feel two hundred volts before it’s out of your hand.’

Curtains gulped and removed his hand from the Poké Ball.

‘Now,’ continued Lydia, ‘I’m going to ask you again. Where are my sons and what’s going on here?’

‘I’m the Deputy Head of the Alph Division of Ursaring Security. We –’

Before he could get any further, Lydia Wynne raised her hand, and the Ampharos standing behind her fired a small jolt of electricity at Curtains. The pain passed through his whole body instantly and he screamed.

‘Wrong answer. I know you people aren’t the good guys you pretend to be so cut the crap. That was a warning shot. Try again. Next time it won’t be so light.’

***​

Max and Frankie were strapped into adjacent chairs by dozens of vines stringing out from the Tangela stood opposite them in the cluttered truck filled with complicated looking machinery and computers. Behind Tangela, the two women in black jumpsuits who had brought them there stood, smiling. The shorter of the two began speaking.

‘Good evening, boys. Thank you for joining us here. My name is Jaz, and this is my partner, Kaz.’

Kaz nodded. Jaz continued.

‘Firstly, please allow me to apologise for the crude means of bringing you here. In our line of work these sorts of things are sadly necessary but that doesn’t make them pleasant.’

Jaz paused and simply looked at the brothers for a few seconds. Was she waiting for them to speak? Tangela’s vines prevented Max from turning to look at Frankie, but he certainly wasn’t saying anything. Max should be the one to speak anyway. He was older. He should be looking after Frankie. He took a few deep breaths, and eventually managed to force words out of his mouth.

‘What’s your line of work?’

Of all the things he’d wanted to ask, this was pretty close to the bottom of the list. Truthfully, all he had done was repeat one of the last things he’d heard. It was difficult enough to force himself to speak, let alone to choose something intelligent to say.

‘We are bounty hunters. We find criminals and information on criminals for the police. We believe you can help us with that. In exchange we’d happily give you a cut of any reward that we’re able to secure.’

A reward for helping find a criminal… That didn’t sound so bad, but what criminals did they want help finding? Maybe it was Doc, Spike, or one of the other Ursaring goons? If these women were against them, they had to be the good guys.

‘Why didn’t you just say that before?’ asked Max.

Jaz gave a soft chuckle.

‘We didn’t think you would be particularly keen to help us capture and convict your own brother.’

Wait, what? These women were after Will!? The words to express the appropriate disbelief at this simply wouldn’t come. Frankie cut in.

‘You’ve got it wrong! Will’s one of the good guys! Doc and Spike are the bad guys! We can help you with them!’

Jaz let out a sigh, and shook her head.

‘Little boys, there aren’t good guys and bad guys. There are people who break the law and there’s people who enforce the law. We enforce the law. Your brother breaks it. It doesn’t matter if you think he breaks it for good reasons or to fight the bad guys or anything like that. The point is that he breaks the law, so it’s our job to stop him. You understand that, right?’

‘Will doesn’t break the law,’ retorted Frankie.

Max wished he could have Frankie’s confidence, but it was starting to feel as though there was a lot about Will they didn’t know. Jaz smirked.

‘Oh, I see. You don’t know what he does… or you don’t want to know. That’s fine. We don’t need you to know about that. All we need from you is for you to tell us where he is. He’s on the run, isn’t he? So where’s he hiding? Who’s he staying with?’

‘We don’t know where Will is,’ said Max.

Jaz sighed again.

‘Time for my way?’ asked Kaz, grinning.

There was a terrifying look in Kaz’s eyes. It was beyond doubt that “her way” would be unpleasant. Before either of the brothers could insist they didn’t know, Jaz cut in.

‘They’re children, Kaz. Have some decency.’

Kaz hung her head and frowned, dejected. Max breathed a sigh of relief and heard Frankie do the same.

‘But there is something else we can do if they’re going to play dumb.’

Jaz grabbed a Poké Ball from her belt, and released a Xatu in front of her. It was a fairly ordinary looking Xatu on the whole: a green bird-like Pokémon with a yellow hooked beak and white wings that covered its chest, its white eyes almost exactly at Max’s eye level, staring him down. Max’s heart was ready to burst out of his chest. What terrible thing was about to happen now? He hyperventilated. Tears were about to start flowing from his eyes, perhaps they already were. Through all of this though, he held on to one thought: he had to protect Frankie, he had to be a big brother.

‘I’ll do it.’

‘No!’ shouted Frankie.

‘Very good,’ said Jaz, ‘Xatu, let’s begin.’

Xatu stared into Max’s eyes with a greater intensity than before. Its eyes began to get larger and larger until they were far too large to fit on its head. Even then they continued to grow. Soon, Max could see nothing but the whites of Xatu’s enormous eyes, even behind and below him. He wasn’t strapped to a chair anymore, he was standing, surrounded by nothing but perfect whiteness in all directions as far as the eye could see. Even beneath him no ground, just nothing. Then, in the distance, Xatu’s head started to appear, fuzzy and far away at first, but steadily larger and clearer until it was enormous. Jaz’s voice sounded, but it didn’t seem to be coming from anywhere. It was almost as if Max was thinking the words she was saying.

Xatu is taking you into your subconscious. It may be empty at first, but you’ll soon start to populate it.

Max looked around. Nothing but Xatu’s enormous face staring him down. Suddenly, a feeling of dread and danger. Someone was behind him, he could feel it. He turned, and Doc was standing there.

‘Ah!’ exclaimed Doc, ‘Well if it isn’t the Wynne brothers! What a pleasure!’

Max looked around and saw that Will and Frankie were on either side of him. Of course they were. The three of them had come here together, so where else would they be? The same feeling of dread and danger behind him. It was Spike and the other goons, Weavile and Murkrow included. He could see everyone around them, even though he was facing away from Spike and the others. Spike grinned and spoke up.

‘Any of you move or try to send out a Pokémon, and Weavile here will slash each and every one of your throats.’

There was an internal conflict. The Ursarings turned on Will. They won’t be hiding him then… so where is he?

Wait, whose voice was that? That’s right. None of this was real. He and Frankie had been captured. That Xatu was trying to extract information from him. He felt himself being dragged somewhere else, to some other memory. No. He couldn’t give these women anything. He might not know where Will was, but anything they could take from him was a risk.

‘I want you to know that the Pokémon are OK,’ said Will, sitting on his bedroom floor with Max and Frankie, ‘Wooper and the others… they’re OK. I know you probably can’t, but I can still feel Espeon’s psychic link. I know where they are, and I can get them back.’

Will was bringing the fight back to the Ursarings. He claimed to know where the Pokémon were, but was his psychic link really that strong? Surely the Ursarings would have blocked it?

No. He had to fight this. He couldn’t let them see this. He had to stop thinking about these things, stop remembering, but how? How do you think of nothing? Looking out the bedroom window, he could see Xatu’s enormous face peeking in, observing what was happening. There had to be something he could do to hide from it. At that moment, darkness covered the three brothers. Max looked up. They weren’t in Will’s bedroom anymore. The three of them were in the white nothingness again. An enormous Honchkrow flew above them, casting shade for miles around them. Xatu’s face was nowhere to be seen.

A blocker… Well, they were with Crow. It’s to be expected that some of her darkness would seep into them. Xatu will be able to work through it with time. Don’t fight this, Max. We’re going to take what we need from you. Don’t make it difficult.

It was working. He just had to stay with this. He concentrated on Honchkrow, concentrated on keeping it there. Will continued to talk. He was saying something about getting their Pokémon back. He knew were they were, he was going to get them, Max and Frankie should stay put. No! Will couldn’t go alone! Max had to go with him! His Pokémon had been stolen too! He couldn’t let his big brother fight all his battles for him. The bedroom became lighter again. Will turned to Max, furious.

‘You want to do something? Look, this isn’t about being a hero. This is about getting our Pokémon back before they get hurt. I’m going to do whatever it takes to do that, and putting my little brother at risk isn’t part of that.’

Max saw red. He could feel his voice roaring from his body, but couldn’t hear the words he said. He wasn’t some little kid who needed protecting. This was his fight too. Will sighed.

‘Alright fine. I don’t think this is a good idea, but… but fine. I’ll let you help. Just don’t do anything without checking with me first, okay?’

But he didn’t let Max help. He ran away without him. He lied to him. He treated him like a little kid that couldn’t handle himself. The bedroom disappeared in an instant, nothing but red existed around him. He would show Will who was boss. He would show him who the real hero was.

So, Will left without you two, but you know more than that. We found your note. You came here to find him, to show him up. He’s not here yet though, so where is he?

No, he couldn’t let these women take advantage of him and his feelings. Will was his brother. The red around him slowly returned to white, and then began to get darker once more. Max looked up, and the enormous Honchkrow was again blocking Xatu’s view of him. With good timing too as new visions began appearing around him.

‘Don’t fuck with me!’ screamed Spike.

Weavile’s claws were pressed against Max’s neck. They were beginning to poke through into the inside. Blood was pouring out through the cut. Spike grabbed Max’s shoulder.

‘I don’t like it when people completely obviously and blatantly lie to my fucking face! Now, I’m gonna ask you again. If I get the same bullshit then I’m chopping off your ear!’

Out of nowhere, Frankie ran forwards. More of the throne room appeared around them. Xatu’s face peeked in through a window that hadn’t existed before.

‘We don’t know anything!’ shouted Frankie.

They really don’t know where Will is, but they will have more information that we can use. We just have to be thorough.

‘If you think I’m brutal you should have seen your brother running this place. I was just his lowly deputy!’

Curtains stood next to Spike.

‘Boss, Jaz and Kaz are nearby. Doc said they’re after these two.’

Doc knows we’re after them. He must be tailing them too.

‘Get these brats outta here! We can’t have Jaz and Kaz all in our shit while we’re preparing for the Silph Show Dance Theatre raid!’

The Ursarings are planning a raid to do with the Silph Show at the Dance Theatre… That’s tomorrow, isn’t it?

Suddenly, Max found himself back in the small truck strapped to a chair next to his brother. Frankie was wailing uncontrollably. Max gasped for air. What had just happened?

‘Max?’ shouted Frankie.

‘I’m OK,’ managed Max in response.

‘What was that about a Silph Show Dance Theatre raid?’ asked Kaz.

‘They said they’re gonna hit the Dance Theatre at the Silph Show tomorrow night!’ shouted Frankie.

‘I saw,’ snapped Jaz.

‘Well forget Will,’ said Kaz, ‘Let’s hit that. We’ll catch them red handed. It’ll be a cash bonanza.’

‘I don’t like it. If they really didn’t want us getting in the way, why did they tell the boys about it when they knew we were around? They must have known we’d capture them and get the information.’

‘You’re overthinking it. The Ursarings aren’t like us. They’re sloppy.’

‘Doc isn’t sloppy.’

‘Spike is sloppy.’

‘Not that sloppy.’

‘Well, what do you want to do instead? They don’t know where their brother is.’

‘They’ll know something. Xatu can search the little one.’

‘No!’ yelled Max.

‘Oh, shut up!’ snapped Jaz, ‘Don’t make us gag you!’

Max and Frankie were stunned silent. Somehow, although they were tied to chairs and terrified out of their minds, Jaz’s pleasant front had been soothing. To see it disappear so suddenly brought the true reality of this situation to them: they were totally at the mercy of these women.

‘Actually, I’ve just had a wonderful thought,’ said Jaz, turning to face Max, ‘Max, my dear, my partner wanted to use her Scizor to physically torture you boys into telling us what we want to know, but I wanted to be kinder than that. The problem is that I don’t think you’ve been very kind in return. I know you were using your time with Crow to block Xatu’s sight. I think you know more about Will that might be useful to us that you’re not telling. When people are unkind to me, I feel less inclined to be kind to them… and to the ones they love. You care a lot about your little brother, don’t you? Don’t want him to have to suffer or be hurt, do you? Well, here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to tell us more or little Frankie is going to get hurt.’

‘We don’t know anything else!’ shouted Max.

Frankie simply sobbed.

‘That might have worked with Spike, but it’s not going to work with us. You might not know where Will is, but you know something. You know where he goes when he’s had an argument with your mum, you know where he hangs out with his friends, you know where he trains his Pokémon.’

‘We don’t! We don’t know any of those things!’

‘Kaz, send out Scizor.’

‘Alright!’ shouted Kaz, delighted.

Kaz grabbed a Poké Ball from her belt and chucked it to the ground, revealing a large Scizor, just a little too big to fit comfortably inside the cluttered truck. Frankie started screaming uncontrollably.

‘Want to revisit that answer?’ asked Jaz.

‘We don’t! We really, really don’t!’

Jaz opened her mouth to speak again, but at that moment a terrible sound of screeching metal drowned out everything that was happening inside the truck. Behind Jaz and Kaz, three large metallic claws ripped through the side of the truck. They then grabbed on to the edge of the tear they’d created and pulled out to create a huge hole where Will stood, flanked on either side by his two Pokémon: a Charmeleon whose right claw was slowly turning back from a metallic silver to its usual red, and a Magneton floating just above floor level. Both Pokémon had an intense look of anger in their eyes.

There was so much shouting and screaming that no individual words could be made out. Bursts of flames and electricity shot around the small truck. The vines restricting the two younger Wynne brothers withdrew as Tangela fell to the floor unconscious along with Scizor and Xatu, Jaz and Kaz stood paralyzed. Will turned to his two younger brothers.

‘What the fuck have you two been playing at? Grab on to Magneton. We’ve got a lot to do.’

***​

The trees gently brushed against Curtains’ face. What bliss. Actually, it was getting annoying now. It wasn’t that gentle either. He batted them away with his hand, but no good. He started to open his eyes. Oh, he wasn’t in Hoenn at all. That’s right: he was running Alph while Spike was away. The throne room came into focus around him. He was lying on the floor with Spike’s face right above his own, his boss slapping his cheek repeatedly, not very gently at all.

‘I said wake the fuck up!’

‘Boss?’

‘About fucking time! What the fuck happened here?’

‘Wh-what do you mean?’

‘I leave you in charge for five fucking minute and the place gets torn apart! The Heritage Group are gonna lose their shit over this!’

‘Oh, uh, there was… this woman.’

‘There was “this woman”, was there? See that’s funny ‘cause I heard it wasn’t some fucking woman, it was Lydia fucking Wynne!’

‘Hey, yeah, that’s right. It was Lydia Wynne. Will’s mum.’

‘Not just Will’s mum but the crazy bitch who took down the Trusted’s whole operation with her brother. Come on, man, you know about that. That’s basic stuff. Anyway, what did she want so bad that she did all this?’

‘She, uh, she just, uh…’

Curtains had to choose his words carefully here. This was exactly the kind of thing that could make Spike explode.

‘Spit it the fuck out!’

‘She just wanted to know where her sons are is all.’

‘And what did you tell her? Did you tell her they were here?’

‘She was pretty rough, boss. She had this –’

‘I didn’t ask how fucking rough she was! It’s Lydia fucking Wynne! I know she’s fucking rough! I asked what the fuck you told her!’

‘Sorry boss! Yeah, yeah, I told her the kids were here but we sent ‘em packing and I didn’t know where they are!’

‘Alright, good. If she thinks we’re telling her everything maybe she’ll leave us alone. Did you tell her about the Silph Show plan?’

‘Yeah, I told her everything.’

‘Good. I think we’d done enough already, but every little helps. You know, Curtains, I really think the Silph Show might finally be a win for the good guys.’
 
I don't actually think I've got a lot to say about this one. Possibly because I think I'm a bit confused... and maybe reading too far into things. The central part of this chapter is, in essence, a "clip show" in writing. We're treated to a parade of the story's events through Max's mind. Using Xatu for interrogations is a nice, unique way to put its psychic abilities to good use. But I do think you drew that out far too long. The story's still pretty fresh here, so I don't think I needed the reminder of all the stuff that's happened to Max thus far. It felt very redundant.

Instead, I think you might've been better off addressing how backwards Jaz's and Kaz's black and white thinking is, as well as some of the contradictions that come up. I sincerely hope they're keeping details about their occupation covered up, because "we bring in law-breakers for cash," seems a bit too shallow. Especially when they themselves are utilized methods that would definitely break a few laws. Not to mention bringing up torture, when I'm sure the Pokémon world has some equivalent to the Geneva Conventions. I'm also a bit confused why Jaz and Kaz don't seem interested in Doc's whole operation when they quite clearly see evidence of them breaking the law. Or how about Lydia just straight-up assaulting Curtains? They could go after her, too. If they don't have the muscle to deal with Doc's crew, you should make that clear. Because I wasn't entirely sure why they're so dead-set on Will versus someone else in this organization.

I will end things off by saying that I do still like the sense of mystery going on here. Like, there are repeated hints dropped that this Silph Show plan is going to be quite important. But with the way the story's sequence of events has gone, I'm actually wondering if this is some sort of intentional misdirection on the part of Doc's organization for some even bigger scheme. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how wrong or right I am. :V
 
Hi there, sorry about the delay! I've been having a hell of a month.

Let's go! I like when you drop little worldbuilding notes, like the aggron-themed music. Keep that up, I'd love to see more! I'm a little alarmed at Lydia that torturing an adolescent is her first resort: if she was mistaken about Curtains, she'd be a villain.

Interesting that Jaz and Kaz don't seem concerned that any unlawful behaviour on their part might land them in trouble. I guess the police must be even more corrupt than outsourcing to bounty hunters already suggests. At least Jaz makes a pretence at having boundaries. The scene with the xatu is another fun use of pokémon outside of battling, which I always like, and I like that Jaz and Kaz argue over the usefulness of the information they retrieve. They're clearly not a monolith. The rescue is pretty intense, Will's training sure must be something special. I wonder if it will it even be plausible?

The bit at the end about the Silph Show is intriguing, since it demonstrates Spike is capable of misdirection. I wonder how he can possibly think of himself as a good guy given his profession, but he's clearly unhinged to begin with what with all the torture and crime.

Glad to read more of this, and I hope you keep it up! Don't worry too much about maintaining a weekly schedule if life is tough on you. The way I see it, fanfiction has gotta be more fun than it is a chore, or else what's the point? Take care, Gama!
 
I've been meaning to read this, so here are my thoughts on Chapter 1:

In fact, if you have read the original (and bizarrely remember it after all this time!) I'd strongly suggest you forget as much as possible!
All I know is fine writing. And breathing!
Will Wynne
Ooooh, I wasn't prepared for that name. I can't say I'm a fan of the name, but I'm still watching. It strikes me as very cheesy, but based on the tone you're going for, it seems like Johto's criminal underworld is going to put a dent in that glamour.
a comically large bug catching net attached to his back
Is the net attached to his back, or slung across his back? I think 'attached' sounds a bit odd, like it's fused to his back.
‘Oh, jeez! Have you never seen Will battle before or are you just stupid?’
realistic kid dialogue confirmed
‘Impossible Hit Drill, Poliwrath!’ shouted Will.
Strange name choice, maybe? I feel like a less description name might be better for the secrecy. Will could take a cue from football huddles and their "blue, 42"-style codes.
‘Will runs drills with his Pokémon, and then gives out his orders cryptically so he doesn’t give away his tactics to his opponent.’
Hmmmm. Isn't this repeating information we can infer from the writing?
‘Alright, Bob, I’ve just heard from the Technical Expert. What we just saw was Will’s Poliwrath use Mind Reader to perfectly predict where Bugsy’s Scyther would be, then take it out with an extremely powerful but usually inaccurate Dynamic Punch! What a strategy!’
I liked this part a lot; I think the battle would benefit with some more detail on the strategizing. I feel like it was a big build-up to a Scyther getting one-shotted, so it couldn't hurt to add a little more meat to the paragraph(s).
‘I told you there would be no mercy, John! I told you Will had what it takes! This boy is gonna be Johto’s saviour! We’re gonna be back on top!’
As someone who enjoys sports, I like that you've conveyed the Johto versus Kanto territorial rivalries-- many teams/fans view new, promising members with a savior complex. This comes with risks, as these are often teenagers or young adults who aren't ready for that kind of burden. In addition, Johto is far more rural than the industrialized Kanto region, so the rivalry has realistic roots. All of this is an interesting thing worth looking into.
‘OK,’ said Lydia, ‘Make sure to ask Celebi to protect your futures when you go past the Shrine. I’ll see you at home, boys.’
Another interesting bit of worldbuilding.
‘Congrats,’ said Max without moving or looking up.

‘Boys, I need to go,’ said Lydia, ‘Max, Frankie, are you two sure you want to head back with Will? I can take you back on Noctowl.’
I think this scene needs a transition right here. It seems like Lydia is like 'k congrats' and then leaves without much explanation. I think she should spend more time doting on her super-special talented son (which makes Max jealous) beforehand. Just a suggestion!
‘Is it him?’

The smaller woman batted her hand away.

‘Porygon hasn’t finished its analysis.’

They both turned to the Pokémon plugged into the computer as it made various indistinct beeps. Soon, it turned to the small woman, moving up and down excitedly.

‘Does that mean it’s him?’ asked the larger woman.

Ignoring her, the smaller woman typed a few things into the computer.

‘There’s a 92% match with our covert photographs. It’s him.’

The larger woman whooped.

‘Then let’s go!’

The smaller woman smiled and nodded.

‘Yes, let’s.’
Awww yisssss, here are the bad guys! I enjoyed the first paragraph, but I felt that the remaining dialogue comes across as 'talking heads.'
‘Weavile, the face.’

Within a second, Spike’s Weavile was in front of Will with its claw pushed into his cheek. A small trickle of blood ran down his cheek. Will stood fiercely still as if he felt nothing whatsoever. Frankie burst into tears and began wailing.
dayum son
I'm torn between saying that Will is a badass/nobody could tolerate that without flinching.
Spike walked back over to where Will was laying, and bent down so their faces were opposite each other.

‘I just want you to know what a privilege it is to have a front row seat to the fall of Will Wynne.’
daYUM SON
I felt that was a liiiittle on the nose, but wouldn't it be more realistic if Spike squatted down to stare at Will (e.g. the Guzma squat)? Bending down doesn't sound quite as fitting. All in all, I must say that I wasn't expecting the bad guys to bust down the metaphorical door so quickly! I'll be sure to catch up on the other chapters!
 
Hey all, thanks so much for your comments! Unfortunately it looks like the hiatus is going to continue a little longer, but I've at least been able to start making serious progress again so I don't think it'll be much longer. After that, I should be able to re-establish the weekly schedule.

@Ambyssin Thank you for these comments, it's very useful to see what readers are thinking. It wasn't my original intention for this chapter to be a "clip show" but it ended up panning out that way. I think I had intended for the blurred lines between "good guys" and "bad guys" to be explored a bit more in this chapter but didn't end up giving it as much attention as I'd originally intended. That's a theme that will be returning in future chapters. As for your guesses of what comes next... very interesting! I won't say too much but I think you've been quite perceptive in some areas!

@unrepentantAuthor Thank you for your comments and also for your support. Interesting that you're also weighing up the relative moral standing of each of the characters and starting to feel that they might not be in perfect sync with their own views of themselves... as I've said above, this is an issue I'm going to try to explore more - let's see how it goes! Likewise for the reveal of Will's training!

@Arkadelphiak Thanks very much for taking the time to read and review. I won't get into replying to every comment you've made but suffice to say I find them useful (and yes, you're quite right, the net should be slung over his back rather than attached to it!) I'm glad that you seem to on the whole like the world view and the direction the baddies are coming into things from. I hope you're able to find time to read more and I look forward to whatever you have to say when you do :)
 
[e]Chapter 7 – Reunion[/e]

Max and Frankie desperately clung on to each other’s bodies as they barely held themselves in place on Magneton whizzing above Johto at a frightening speed. Will supported himself on top of the central head seemingly effortlessly. He must have done this before. They were so high in the pitch black sky that they could see hundreds of tiny lights, each one illuminating a different Johto household or street. They could even see the neighbouring region, Kanto, whose denser population gave it the appearance of being nothing but lights. They would look back and wish they had spent more time appreciating the wondrous sight beneath them, but they simply couldn’t concentrate on it. Beyond the sheer terror of falling to their death, a million questions raced through their minds. Could it be true that Will used to run the Ruins of Alph base for the Ursarings? What should they do about the Silph Show plan? What did Jaz and Kaz want with Will, and did they get him into trouble? Who could they get to help them with all of this without causing more problems for themselves?

Unfortunately, the deafening sound of the wind rushing past them made it impossible to make themselves heard. Perhaps that didn’t matter though. Will didn’t seem particularly interested in either of them anyway: he looked directly ahead for the entire flight. Eventually, Magneton began to slow down and descend. It stopped entirely outside a cave entrance. The heavy moon reflected in the two thin stretches of water on either side of the cave entrance, illuminating the thick trees beyond them. Will leapt off Magneton. Max and Frankie did the same.

‘We’re here,’ he said.

‘Where?’ asked Max.

‘Mount Mortar. Safety.’

Will walked into the cave with Magneton floating behind him. Max and Frankie looked to each other for a moment before hurriedly following him in. Inside was almost perfectly dark, but Will strode forward confidently. The ground was wet and full of loose rocks, meaning Max and Frankie stumbled every now and again, but they pushed on regardless: if they fell behind Will they would be lost in seconds. A heavy waterfall could be heard echoing out from somewhere in the cave, but it couldn’t be seen. Eventually, they came to a small cavern within the maze-like mountain.

‘This is us,’ said Will.

With that he grabbed the remaining Poké Ball from his belt, and released Charmeleon. The flickering fire on its tail cast just enough light for the small cavern to be seen while making shadows jump around its walls. Why hadn’t Will sent out Charmeleon earlier? There was a pile of bags, mats, and other supplies in one of the corners of the cavern. This place had been used before.

‘What is this place?’ asked Frankie.

‘It’s safe. That’s all that matters for now. We need to sleep. It’s late and tomorrow’s going to be a big day. Help me get the sleeping bags and roll mats out from the corner over there.’

Will walked over to the pile of supplies and started digging through it. Max followed. Suddenly, a scream. They both turned sharply to see Frankie on his knees wailing, Squirtle and Gastly on either side of him, doing their best to hug and console him but on the verge of tears themselves. Seeing the sorry scene, Max felt about to cry himself. It had been an overwhelming day, terrifying to his core, but he was with his older brother now. He was safe. There was no need to cry or be scared. No reason why these tears should be coming to him. It was embarrassing really. He should just be looking after Frankie, but Will wasn’t moving so maybe he shouldn’t either. Frankie’s Pokémon looked like more than enough to console him. In fact, perhaps if Max sent out his own Pokémon they would be enough to help him hold back his own tears. He grabbed both Poké Balls from his belt, and released Bulbasaur and Growlithe in front of him. They glanced at each other and frowned before both striding forward to Max, vying for his attention. Both held their heads high, trying to show their bravery. Max reached out and petted them with one of his hands each. For some reason, feeling his two Pokémon nuzzle into his hands was the tipping point: he could hold his tears no longer and let out a wail of his own. He sank to his knees and sobbed, Bulbasaur and Growlithe pressing their bodies into his, doing what they could to reassure him. He had no idea how long he had been sobbing when he felt a sleeping bag roll into him.

‘You two need to get some sleep,’ said Will, ‘You’ve had a long day.’

Max looked up. Frankie was picking up and looking at a matching sleeping bag. There were still so many questions they hadn’t had answered, but Will was right: the exhaustion was becoming overwhelming. He could hardly lift his head or think, let alone articulate the questions he had. They would have to wait until morning. He clambered in to his sleeping bag, not even bothering to take his shoes off. For a moment he felt his Pokémon around him, giving him warmth. The next moment, blackness.

***

Police Chief Darryl Gardo sat down at his desk with his freshly brewed cup of coffee. He let out a sigh of satisfaction. It had been a tough weekend in the office, but Monday morning brought with it the start of a new week. A whole new week removed from the stresses and tension of the preceding one. He blew on his coffee and took a slow sip. Perfection. He began to recline in his office chair when a furious knock at the door shocked him out of his Monday morning routine.

‘Who is it?’ he shouted, doing his best to sound serious.

‘Lydia Wynne.’

He held back a sigh.

‘Come in.’

The door flew open and there stood Lydia Wynne, bringing her unique energy into the new week: inspiring but exhausting.

‘Good morning, Darryl.’

‘Good morning, Mrs. Wynne, how can I help you?’

‘I thought I might be able to help you, actually.’

This sounded good, but Darryl knew better than to get his hopes up.

‘Oh really? Well, would you like to take a seat while you do?’

Lydia sat.

‘I’ve got evidence.’

This sounded even better. Darryl sat up in his seat, his eyes lighting up.

‘Evidence? Really? I assume this relates to your sons’ case?’

‘Yes, it does. Well, it’s not evidence as such, I suppose, so much as a tip-off.’

‘I see.’

Darryl did his best to hide his disappointment.

‘I went to Alph last night and-’

‘Let me stop you for a moment,’ cut in Darryl, ‘I want you to be very careful before you continue. I’m sure that whatever you did at Alph last night was fighting the good fight and helping your sons but I’m an officer of the law and the law doesn’t have time for ends justifying means, so before you go on I want you to think over the fact that if you are about to confess to a crime you are doing so while speaking to the Goldenrod City Chief of Police, and I will have to arrest you.’

Darryl kept a stern face to disguise his inner terror. He was practised at doing this. Back when he still used to challenge troublesome thugs while on patrol he had to do it every day. Still, he had never imagined he would have to do it to someone as terrifying as Lydia Wynne. She stared back at him, eyes wide. She seemed in shock, as if she couldn’t believe what he had said. Everything inside him told him to apologise but he knew better than that.

‘I’m not confessing to a crime, Chief Gardo, but thank you for the disclaimer,’ she said eventually.

Darryl imagined himself letting out a sigh of relief.

‘I did go to Alph though and I did speak to the thugs responsible for whatever is happening with my sons. As soon as I arrived there the army of teens in that place knew who I was and started talking about someone having done something to Will. I know that’s still not evidence enough for you to raid the place, but I did find out something interesting. I spoke to the boss there. A boy who calls himself “Curtains”… He told me that Max and Frankie had been there looking for Will, but he didn’t know where they were now. Then he told me they were planning a robbery of the Ecruteak Dance Theatre right before the Silph Show this evening. If you send a patrol there, you’ll catch them in the act. If it’s clear it’s associated with Ursaring Security you’ll be able to search Alph, won’t you?’

This was a lot to process. Darryl held his head in his hands and rubbed his temples. After a few seconds, he raised his head and looked directly at Lydia.

‘He just told you all this?’

‘Well… not at first, but we spoke for a while and started seeing a bit more eye to eye.’

Darryl didn’t bother to hold back his sigh this time.

‘Right, so what exactly did he say to you?’

Lydia furrowed her brow. Was she trying to remember or was she getting her story straight?

‘I asked him if he’d seen any of my sons. He said Max and Frankie had come by, but he’d sent them away and didn’t know where they were now. I asked him if there was anything going on that they or Will could be caught up in. He said there was nothing that he knew about. I asked him if there was anything going on at all, and he told me about the robbery plan.’

‘And he just answered these questions with no resistance whatsoever?’

‘I didn’t say that,’ said Lydia, a small smirk appearing on her face, ‘Anyway, I’ve given you this information. Are you going to do something with it or not?’

Darryl sighed again.

‘Ecruteak isn’t really in my jurisdiction, but I suppose there’s nothing wrong with sending a patrol there off the back of a tip-off.’

Lydia’s face lit up.

‘So you’ll do it?’

Darryl frowned.

‘Yes, I’ll do it.’

‘What’s the problem?’

‘It’s just… you’re saying Ursaring Security are planning a robbery?’

‘That’s right.’

‘You know Doc runs Ursaring Security, right? Doctor Ratcliffe, I mean. The reason it’s all kids there… they’re kids he’s training. A lot of troubled kids too. He gives ‘em something to do and people like the Johto Heritage Group get night security on the cheap.’

Lydia’s smile disappeared instantly.

‘Well, that doesn’t mean he knows everything they do. If they’re troubled kids, maybe they’re causing their own trouble.’

‘Maybe they are, but what you’re saying sounds like organised crime. If you’re right… how deep does it go?’

The two of them sat in silence for a few moments.

‘Not that deep,’ said Lydia.

‘I hope you’re right. If Doc is planning robberies…’

‘What?’

‘I shouldn’t be saying any of this to you. The fact that you’re Lydia Starr doesn’t change that you’re just a civilian.’

Darryl suddenly gasped. Had he really just said that? Lydia laughed.

‘I’m “Lydia Starr”?’

‘Oh my… oh dear… I’m so embarrassed. All I meant was… Look, you and your brother… when you were shutting down the Trusted’s criminal operations across Johto… you guys were… you guys were kinda my inspiration. I wanted to do that. I wanted to stop criminals. I guess that’s why I’m not treating you like I’d treat most civilians… I don’t think of you like one, but that’s my problem not yours.’

Lydia smiled.

‘It’s not a problem. It’s sweet.’

Darryl spluttered. Had Lydia Starr – no, Lydia Wynne – really just called him sweet?

‘Anyway look,’ he started, without really knowing where the sentence was going, ‘I guess I’m just worried. If you’re right… if you’re right and Ursaring Security are up to something… well, maybe I shouldn’t trust Doc… and Doc… well, half of my officers came through Doc, came through Ursaring Security, in fact! Most of my best ones too. If I can’t trust them, where does that leave me? Who can I trust?’

For a few moments, Lydia simply stared at him.

‘You can trust me… but let’s not jump to conclusions. Doc probably has nothing to do with it and your officers almost certainly don’t. It’s probably just a few kids messing around, but they’re planning something serious and they know what’s happened to my sons, so we need to deal with them.’

‘We will.’

***

The sky overhead was filled with Murkrow. One by one they swooped down. Spike and Curtains stood in front of Max, laughing and jeering at him. Weavile poked its claws in his face. Suddenly, Charmeleon’s Metal Claw cut through it all. Will was here. Will was going to protect him. He was safe. He felt a hand on each shoulder, jostling him back and forth. What was that?

‘Wake up, Max, it’s morning,’ came Will’s voice.

‘Is it?’ asked Max.

The flickering flame of Charmeleon’s tail remained the only light source. How could Will even tell it was morning? When Max’s eyes adjusted to the poor lighting, Will’s face came into focus a few inches away, flanked by Charmeleon and Magneton on either side. The reality of Will and his Pokémon was not quite as comforting as it had been in Max’s dream. Both Pokémon still had the furious look in their eyes they’d had when rescuing Max and Frankie from Jaz and Kaz. What had happened to make them so angry? It was hard to believe this was the same baby Charmander that Will had left home with just two days ago. Whatever the reason, it was unsettling. Bulbasaur and Growlithe sat up straight on either side of Max, staring resolutely at Will’s Pokémon. They were doing a good job of appearing brave and defiant, but Max could feel both of their rear legs trembling.

Without saying anything further to Max, Will walked over to Frankie, who was fast asleep in his sleeping bag next to Squirtle withdrawn into its shell and Gastly almost invisible on the ground next to his head. Charmeleon and Magneton followed immediately behind their trainer. Will softly placed his hand on Frankie’s shoulder and shook it much more gently than he had with Max. Squirtle and Gastly woke first. They simultaneously fled behind Frankie’s head the moment they caught sight of Will’s ferocious Pokémon. So much for yesterday’s training… at least it had helped Max’s Pokémon.

‘Frankie, wake up. It’s morning,’ said Will.

Frankie slowly opened his eyes, and then suddenly flinched.

‘What’s wrong with your Pokémon?’ he asked.

‘What? Nothing’s wrong with them,’ answered Will.

‘Why do they look so scary?’

‘Scary?’

‘Yeah, they look… really angry.’

‘I’ve trained them, just like you would have done with your Pokémon if you were actually gonna be any help.’

‘We spent all day training!’

‘You spent all day playing. This is what trained Pokémon look like, not the unevolved runts hiding behind their trainer.’

Frankie took a few deep breaths, staring back at Will. Max wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what.

‘I would never do that to my Pokémon,’ said Frankie eventually, ‘I love them.’

Max wanted to back Frankie up, but was it true? Could he really say he wouldn’t do that to his Pokémon? What if it made him strong enough to be the first Johto Champion since Uncle Terry? What if he could get there before Will? The moment to interject came and went with none of the brothers speaking. There were more important things at stake. Max clambered out of his sleeping bag and stood up.

‘So, what are we gonna do now?’

We aren’t doing anything,’ answered Will, ‘You two are going home.’

‘What!? Then why did you even take us here?’

‘It was a safe place to keep you until morning. Now it’s daylight you can head home by yourself. I can’t be in Goldenrod right now. I assume you’ve learned your lesson enough for me to trust you to head home without being chaperoned?’

‘What are you gonna do?’

‘None of your business.’

‘Stop shutting us out, Will! That’s what caused this mess!’

‘No, what caused this mess is you two ignoring my instructions and sticking your noses where they’re not wanted. That’s why you’re going home and sitting tight until I’m back with our Pokémon.’

‘You can’t do this alone, Will! Let us help you!’

‘What exactly do you think you can do to help? So far you’ve done nothing but cause me problems.’

Max paused. This was fairly undeniable. So far, their grand plan had consisted of being repeatedly captured and rescued… Somehow it still felt like they had achieved something, but what? Then it hit him.

‘Information! We know where the Ursarings are hitting next!’

Will scowled.

‘What?’

‘Yeah, Spike told us what their plan is.’

‘He just told you?’

‘Yeah!’

‘So, where are they hitting next?’

‘No! If I tell you that you’ll just shut us out again. We’re not letting you do this alone again.’

Will sighed and held his hand to his forehead.

‘Yeah!’ pitched in Frankie, sitting up in his sleeping bag, ‘You need help! We all need help! We should ask Mum and the police too!’

‘No police!’ shouted Will and Max in perfect unison.

Will and Max looked to each other and instinctively chuckled. A feeling of closeness to his older brother that he hadn’t had for a very long time passed over Max. He almost leaned in for a hug, but before he did a question occurred to him: why had he been so insistent that there should be no police anyway? It was just because Will had said so in his letter to the two of them, but why had he said that? What Spike had told them in Alph came back to him: could Will really have been the former Ursaring boss of Alph?

‘How about this,’ said Max, ‘We’ll tell you what we know when you start telling us everything.’

‘What do you mean?’ asked Will.

‘Why are you so insistent on us not getting the police involved? Why can’t you go to Goldenrod right now? Spike said you used to be the Ursaring boss of Alph… is that true?’

‘You believe that!?’ shouted Frankie, clambering fully out of his sleeping bag to stand with his brothers.

‘I asked Will!’ shouted Max.

The three of them stood in a circle, all facing each other with their Pokémon standing behind them.

‘It’s complicated,’ said Will.

‘Yes or no?’ demanded Max.

‘Leave it!’ shouted Frankie.

‘Yes, but it’s not what you think!’

Max and Frankie shouted over whatever Will said next. None of the brothers could hear what each other were saying, but they didn’t really need to: the meaning was obvious. Max and Frankie were heartbroken. It was a crushing blow that their own brother could be capable of doing the awful things Spike and the rest of the Ursarings did, was a leader in fact. If Spike was to be believed, Will was one of the most brutal leaders they’d ever had. How could they trust him? How could they rely on his protection?

‘Listen!’ shouted Will.

Max and Frankie looked to him in silence.

‘Listen,’ Will said again, more quietly this time, ‘It’s not what you think. I’m not some monster, I’m nothing like Spike, I never have been. I… I just wanted to be strong. I’ve always wanted to be strong, to protect our family, you know that. Ever since the Trusted kidnapped Dad, I’ve been desperate to be strong enough to protect myself and the people I love… maybe even strong enough to help Uncle Terry find Dad. That’s why I got serious about battling at school. That’s why I signed up for Doc’s Advanced Battling class. He helped me so much, me and the other kids. He helped us get so much stronger than we’d have ever gotten without him, introduced us to all sorts of people: Gym Leaders, Elite Four, former Champions. He took us to places we never thought we could go. I know that shouldn’t mean much, especially with everything Mum and Uncle Terry did, but… it did… it made me feel like I could be someone… like these… legends of Pokémon battling weren’t just far off myths… they were people like you and me. I felt important… powerful. Then Doc got us involved in Ursaring Security. There were other people in it too, mostly teenagers from around Johto but some people a bit older too. It was an opportunity kids like us would never have gotten if it weren’t for Doc’s reputation and his links with the Pokémon League… people like the Johto Heritage Group employing us as professional battlers… it was like a dream come true.

‘It’s hard to say when things got bad. I guess there wasn’t one single thing. As I got better, I got put in charge of other people. I’d never been anyone’s boss before. I didn’t know how to do it. Doc said the rougher the better, so that’s what I did. That’s what everyone around me was doing anyway. What else could I do? How else could I keep charge? It was the only thing they responded to. I knew loads of the kids working for Doc were on drugs, but I always thought, hey, these are troubled kids and Doc’s giving ‘em a chance, some of ‘em are gonna be on drugs, that’s not his fault… Some of ‘em were pushing drugs, but that didn’t mean he knew anything about that. After that, yeah, it’s true, I got made Alph boss. I was the best battler in Alph. I had to be eventually. I dunno when I figured out Doc knew about the drugs and the stolen Pokémon and all that shit. Maybe I kinda always knew. When I became Alph boss I had to help hide all that stuff. Doc never told me to do it, but other people that worked for Doc asked me to look after it for them and… I knew I had to do it. Other people sold drugs or mugged people nearby Alph and I had my guys beat the shit out of them. Doc didn’t tell me to do that either, but… I knew that was what I supposed to do if I was gonna impress Doc… and I wanted to impress him so badly.

‘I wanna say there was one day I realised what I was doing was wrong but there wasn’t. I kinda always knew. It was like this feeling inside of me, gnawing away at me, telling me I should stop, but at the same time I wanted to go further, I wanted to do more, I wanted to be stronger. Before I became the Alph boss I’d always said I wanted to defeat the Elite Four and become the first Johto Champion since Uncle Terry. They used to call me “Champ” because I was always talking about how I was gonna do that. I’d gotten one Badge by that point. I kinda… forgot about it, I guess. You remember when I finally went to Violet City and got the Badge there? That was the turning point for me. I realised I didn’t need to boss around some teenage thugs to be important, to be strong. I needed to pick up where I left off battling Gym Leaders until I could reach the Pokémon League. Spike was my Deputy back then. He was always a bit of a loose cannon, but he really encouraged me to go after it, made me believe in myself. I can see now he just wanted me out the way, so he could be the Alph boss, but I really believed him at the time, so I went for it. I’m glad I did too.

‘After I got my fourth Badge, I told Doc I’d had enough. I didn’t need him anymore. I was gonna to be the Champion, and I didn’t want to do the stuff he wanted me to do anymore. He took it better than I thought. I thought he’d be angry, kicking, screaming, you know? But it was like he’d been expecting me to say it, like he’d been rehearsing this scene in his head before I arrived. He just smiled and told me that I was free to make that choice if I wanted to… I couldn’t believe it… Then he started telling me that I still had a debt to him that I needed to pay off… that I owed him for my training… shit like that. I told him where to shove it. He just smiled again and told me he’d have to look into alternative repayment methods… I just can’t believe I was so stupid to think things were dealt with after that… That’s why he mugged us. He thinks because I won’t work for him, I owe him something. It’s my fault, and it’s my fault you guys got dragged into it. I know how dangerous he is though. That’s why I want you guys to have nothing to do with it. It’s my fault, it’s my problem. You two shouldn’t be at risk.’

Will looked to his brothers expectantly. They simply stared back. It was a lot to take in. It sounded honest… It wasn’t good, but… it wasn’t that bad either, and… it was still Will. Eventually, Max cleared his throat and spoke up.

‘It’s not your fault, Will, and you’re not alone. We’re your brothers. We’re in this together. Right, Frankie?’

Frankie hesitated.

‘Did you… did you hurt people, Will?’

Will nodded.

‘Yes, I hurt people, but now I just want to stop people being hurt.’

‘Okay,’ said Frankie, ‘Let’s stop people being hurt.’

Will stared at his brothers for a few seconds more. Suddenly, a tear rolled down his cheek.

‘This means so much, you guys. You don’t understand how alone I’ve been.’

Max ran forwards and hugged Will. Frankie did the same. The three of them gripped each other so hard their ribs seemed ready to break at any moment. Gentle sobs could be heard from all three brothers. Max pulled away first and spoke.

‘It’s the Silph Show.’

Will took a step back.

‘What?’

‘The Silph Show at the Ecruteak Dance Theatre. That’s what Spike said. He said he didn’t want us bringing Jaz and Kaz around them while they were preparing for the Silph Show raid.’

Will frowned.

‘What is it?’ asked Frankie.

‘You’re sure they said the Silph Show?’

‘Definitely!’ said Max.

‘The Silph Show though… Of all the… it doesn’t make any sense.’

‘What doesn’t make any sense!?’ shouted Max.

‘It’s just that…’

Will’s eyes slowly widened.

‘Wait… I get it… It’s a trap.’

‘What? No-’

‘Shut up for a second, will you?’ snapped Will.

Max and Frankie looked to Will with fear in their eyes. Even their Pokémon moved away from Will. Will took a deep breath.

‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shouted. It’s just… I know these guys… They’re dangerous… and I know what I’m talking about here. Doc used to work for the Silph Corporation. In fact, way back when Team Rocket took over Silph, Doc was one of the insiders that helped them out. They know it too. They can’t prove it, but they know it. Doc wouldn’t show his face around Silph unless he absolutely had to. Silph’s security outfit, the Silph Spooks, they’ve got way too much firepower even for the Ursarings. There’d be no way Doc could avoid getting taken back to Saffron with them if he showed his face there. That explains why Spike’s going round chatting about this secret plan too… he wants people to know. He wants to make sure as many people as possible are there to catch Doc in the act… he wants to become the new Ursaring boss… I just don’t understand why Doc’s gone for it… if he has.’

Max and Frankie stared at Will.

‘So what do we do?’ asked Max.

‘The Silph Show’s this evening, right?’

‘Yeah.’

‘We train. No police and Mum can’t know about this either. It’s got to be the three of us.’

‘Alright!’ said Max, ‘Let’s get going!’

‘You gotta understand though. We can’t train like you guys trained yesterday. Today we’re gonna train properly.’

‘What… what do you mean “properly”?’ asked Frankie.

‘I mean we’re training with Goldenrod Underground rules: as many Pokémon as you want, winner is the last trainer standing… literally. If your Pokémon can’t stop attacks hitting you then bad luck. That’s what it’s gonna be like if you’re gonna help me, so that’s how we’ve gotta train. So, you still in?’

Frankie grabbed Max’s hand. Max could feel it trembling. Frankie’s Pokémon continued to hide behind their trainer. Max looked to his own Pokémon, standing proudly next to him, still staring down Charmeleon and Magneton. He owed it to them to make them strong enough to stare at those two monsters without secretly fearing them.

‘We’re in.’
 
Right off the bat, this chapter brings back a nitpick I had from the first couple of chapters: the pacing. It can be hard to stay focused on the actual content when you have these brief dialogue paragraphs interspersed with huge chunks of narration. The eleventh paragraph (stars of with "Will walked over..."), for example, is probably three different paragraphs that got sandwiched together for some reason. I'd leave it at that... but then we get to Will's explanation of everything an it's particularly noticeable for me. Which is a shame, because there's a lot of juicy stuff to go off in this scene. First off, Will's totally right in saying that Max and Frankie brought this on themselves. If they'd stayed at home, nothing would've gone wrong. With that said, for his brothers to say that none of the stuff Will did for Ursaring is his fault seems less believable. Will wasn't being forced into doing any of it. He made some bad decisions and he should have to fess up to what he did. I get that Max and Frankie are his brothers, but I have trouble believing they blindly love im enough to forgive all the stuff he tells them about on the spot. Or maybe they're too young to understand? *shrug*

As I said, there's interesting info lurking in here. Will tells us the inner workings of Ursaring Security, so to speak. We learn exactly what his relation to Doc is... and to Spike, for that matter, adding a bit of depth to the guy. I just wish the whole thing wasn't told to me simply through three gigantic blocks of dialogue. You don't have Will emoting or using any body language or anything. It's just one giant monologue and that did suck out some of the excitement of learning this stuff for me. Sorry.

On a sillier note, I question the actual believability of three teens being able to safely soar at what seems like helicopter heights on a levitating Magneton. I never took the Magnezone family's electromagnetism as being good enough to let them get that high into the air, much less with at least 130 kg of cargo. So, that does go past my willful suspension of disbelief. Even for Pokémon standards. :p
 
Here's that super speedy review I promised! Not my usual 100's of words fare I'm afraid.

I can't help but feel that Will's relocation of the trio to Mount Mortar isn't going to help them a great deal. It's good that the younger brothers are showing the effects of post-stress anticlimax so much, that's fair for them as young boys. Perhaps don't use 'scream' for Frankie's cry? It implies urgency rather than delayed trauma reaction.

Darryl's warning is interesting - he's not so lax or boneless after all. Still turning something of a blind eye to potential vigilantism I suppose, but it's a nice moment. I wonder if the implication behind his comment on Doc and Ursaring is that he should turn a blind eye to that as well. Is Darryl supposed to be rather younger than Lydia here? I've now realised I'm not completely clear on their ages, but I imagine a police chief to be somewhat venerable and Darryl apparently looked up to Lydia in her prime before he took a police post. Or should I believe that Lydia took down the Trusted while quite young herself? I also wonder is Lydia is manipulating Darryl...

I've been wondering for some time exactly what constitutes training for Will Wynn, and apparently it doesn't involve patience or consideration. He seems more and more sinister! When Frankie responds that he would never do 'that' to his pokémon, it's not explicit what 'that' is - but I can guess. I'm glad to see Max taking two seconds to think about things now, and the brotherly contention is solidly three-ways in a good way.

I reckon Will's speech justifying himself could do with being broken up into more readable shorter paragraphs, and I would generally cut all ellipses unless strictly necessary. The speech itself is interesting. I particularly like that Will is a would-be champion with such a seedy, brutish past. I'm used to seeing OTJ fics where the protagonist is various flavours of 'young kid with some skills and ideals' and it's refreshing to see 'reticent teen who spent time in a gang'. You did a good job persuading me that Will could spend so long doing so much rough shit and still try to break away from it. I also like that Max is swayed immediately but it's Frankie, who usually defends Will, who's more bothered by the revelation.

Several pieces of moving plot slotted into place with this chapter, and I'm very much ready for the Silph Show itself now. No speculation as of right now about Doc's plans, but I don't doubt he has some. I hope that Max and Frankie (and their pokémon) come out of this harsh training okay. Will might have their forgiveness and some noble ideas but his methods remain disturbing.

I'm sorry to hear about your rough month, mate! Good luck keeping to your schedule and no worries if you have to bump it down a notch. I'll still fire off these reviews every chapter, you can depend on it. See you next update!
 
@Ambyssin Thanks very much for the review and sorry that the pacing of this chapter seems to have undermined a lot of the enjoyability for you. I think I am starting to find a bit tricky to balance giving readers enough understanding of what's happening to stay engaged and enjoying against keeping things slow enough to absorb it all comfortably.

My intention with Max and Frankie OKing Will's past was not so much that they straight up didn't care, but rather that they're willing overall to look past it, even if they might have some niggles that may need revisiting. Also, it really is Max moreso than Frankie that is just cool with everything.

Sorry you didn't find the Magneton ride plausible. I've always imagined the Magne-family as being able to levitate essentially without any real limitations, so I didn't think it would be a problem for this to occur. If you've imagined them differently I can see why that might be a problem.

@unrepentantAuthor Thanks also for taking the time to review - and I am always more than happy to receive reviews that are not 100s of words :p Sometimes they can even have more thought and insight than longer ones, and I think this is a great example of that.

Glad you find the brothers' reactions to everything that's happening plausible and point taken on Frankie's cry. Idea behind Mt. Mortar is simply that it's a place for brief respite and it's one of the few places in Johto Will knows of where he can keep the brothers safe, at least for a night and maybe a day after that.

Darryl and Lydia are intended to be roughly the same age. Reviewing what I've written, I realise I may have given slightly the wrong impression: Darryl was already a young police officer at the time Terry & Lydia (who were relatively young at the time) were fighting the Trusted. They were inspiration to him and pushed him to keep going in his career rather than to pursue that career in the first place.

Won't comment on your review any further than that, but I'm glad to see your developing views of all three brothers, Darryl, and also your anticipation of the Silph Show! Still currently aiming to publish the next chapter tomorrow! :)
 
Goddamnit, I said "super speedy, not 100s of words" and then wrote 500 words and forgot to remove my lie about it being a short review. Why am I like this? I'm sure you don't mind, of course!
 
Post-awards review time! Since you asked if I'd be interested in reading a while ago, I figured I'd pick this one up.

Plot

The plot pulls no punches right from the start. Will Wynne's a famous and extremely talented Pokémon trainer who supposedly has a dark past where he was involved in criminal stuff. After he has a gym battle with Bugsy, he meets up with his mom and his two brothers. He takes his two brothers off his mom's hands, and they're on their way home when they get mugged by members of the Ursaring Security organization, an organization whose true nature is unknown to the public. The thugs have apparently had dealings with Will in the past and want to exact revenge on Will for... reasons. It appears the thugs don't seem to have much motive to hurt Will Wynne and his family other than one of the most fiery thugs, Spike, wanting to have Will work under him rather than have Will as a boss... and when Will refused to work for him, Spike got angry. There may be more to that still, but I don't know. To me, it seems a very weak antagonist motivation and kinda weakens the impact of everything that's happening. But it also feels right for the type of audience I think your fic's going for, so that's not a heavy complaint, really. xD

Anyway, the thugs take Will's Pokémon, plus his brother Max's Pokémon, and Will leaves on his own afterward to try to retrieve them with only a baby Charmander at his side. Max and their youngest brother, Frankie, chase after Will to try to help him, but they're new trainers who can't hold their own in a battle even after training, so they end up getting caught by the Ursaring Security and having information extracted from them through the use of a psychic so that the thugs can locate Will again and hurt him more. Overall, the plot makes enough sense to me. It's fast paced, but not so much so that important events or gaping holes are being glossed over, which is important in a story where information is intentionally being withheld from the reader. In fact, its fast pace helped exacerbate the plot and what stakes the characters have in the story, which is losing the ones they love, trying to overcome obstacles they're near powerless against from the start, and so on.

Setting


There's not much to go off here. We're in Johto, but the story could technically take place anywhere in the world, canonical or real life or totally made up, and it wouldn't matter because detail about the setting is kinda lacking. There are, however, little tidbits of worldbuilding that liven up things, such as music made from Aggron drums, the existence of a Tourism Board which works to attract foreigners to the region, etc. These details work for the moment they're described in, and I'd suggest adding in more details about the Johto region in general to bring the setting to life more!

Characterization

Everyone's got a distinct personality, but there's not much depth to anyone in particular. Will Wynne's the noble big brother who tells his younger brothers to stay out of trouble, then promptly goes off on his own to handle the baddies because he can't sit around idly doing nothing. Lydia Wynne, their mother, seems to have a reckless streak as well, although you get a deeper sense of her being suspicious and un-trusting of others, especially when she assumes from the get go that the police won't be able to help her family. She's also assertive and accepting of reality, as seen when she insists that her brother to give up on the search for her long lost husband after 10 long years. Frankie's the youngest brother who's extremely afraid of everything and needs to be protected. The antagonists, from Spike to Kaz/Jaz to Doc, are all pretty sadistic, and it's hard to tell them apart, but they've got their motives, and they actually encourage each other to act humanely in certain situations, such as when they consider torturing kids. Having some antagonists be satisfied with just stealing from others, then having other antagonists wanting to up the ante x100 and having the two sides argue over what to do was an interesting, unique mix.

Max is probably the most nuanced character, being the protagonist, but his characterization felt kind of weird to me? He's portrayed almost sadistically in the beginning as he has his Bulbasaur pummel Frankie's Squirtle even after it's fainted in their first battle, and he laughs maniacally all the while. He argues incessantly with Frankie about how they need to save Will and not go to the police... but changes his mind rather quickly a couple chapters lately and vows to never be mean to his brother again. The events surrounding these changes make enough sense, but the execution left something to be desired. Slowing down the pace would've made the character development feel more natural.

Will's getting more characterization as you have him put back on screen more in recent chapters, which is nice. Namely, I like the details about he's hurt people in the past and regrets it, but he did it anyway because he wanted power and to impress those high up in the criminal world's hierarchy. It adds to the fic's overall solid theme of anyone being capable of acting inhumanely under the right circumstances.

In short, the character cast is a colorful one overall in your story where action and plot takes precedence. No one's got particular depth, but no one particularly... needs to, again, for the audience I think this fic is trying to go for, though do let me know if I'm wrong in that it's suited for a teenage-ish audience. ^^;

Writing Style


The character emotions are done especially well. There's cliched wording sometimes... but you know how to pack a punch and know exactly the right times to do it. The action is also done well. It's realistic, especially the Pokémon battles between Max and Frankie as new trainers; rather than have both trainers and their Pokémon know what they're doing from the start, they fumble around with commands and need to actually help their Pokémon recognize they're in the middle of the battle. The action scenes with more experienced battlers depicted very well just how big the difference in power between the characters were. Finally, there's the descriptions of the more surreal scenes where psychic-types/dark-types are interfering with the character's head, which were intriguing. Those tend to be prone to confusion, but you nailed it!

Most of the description focuses on character appearances, character emotions, and actions. While this mostly works for a fast paced fic with high stakes such as this one, it's hard to get even a vague picture of where the characters are and what's happening in any given scene. So I guess I'd advise not only more description for the setting, but for the characters' surroundings as things are happening. It doesn't have to be a lot; even just a little helps a reader like me visualize more!

Technical


I didn't notice that many, to be honest.
 
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