MATURE: Charles Legend's Transamewusing Adventures

[Charles Legend]

Author's Notes: Right I feel guilty about not sharing any of my stories here. However I was unsure about posting my story do to bad expanses in the past.

I'm still trying to work past them thus I'm still feel like I'm walking to the gallows at times, That being said I ask you to be kind and friendly while reviewing this and not to focus solely on my flaws as an author, I so as to avoid any conflicts...

Right this story's setting is basses off the state of Michigan, most oh it takes place in the central Michigan region which in this story's wold it's called the 'Marshiso' region now mind you since the great lakes are very impotent when it comes to both the domestic and internal trading of goods and people that means that Marshiso will have influences from all around the world in it once I get further along with the story, for example there will be influences from japan given the who cherry blossom festivities originated there, do to the many cherry orchards here in Michigan. Also please keep in mind that I'm taking liberties with both the geography and wildlife for the sake of biodiversity.

As per the rules of the Writers Workshop regarding Teen/Mature rated stories, the following will crop up at some point: Given that one of the main plots points is genderbending it does have some sexually suggestive content along with some arguably crude Humor, now while I do avoid directly using Explicit language in most cases it may pop up at times, now I'm not sure if Teen or Mature rating would work better however I chose to rate as Mature just to be on the safe side.

That being said I want you to note that I clearly don't intend to offend anyone, if however you have an issue with anything I have wror please let me know what it is and I'll see if I can try to fix it, however please keep in mind that it may take some time to do so. also a note to the modship if you feel that this fanfic is out of line feel free to delete it and send me to the gallows.​

Chapter One: Sisters cold as Ice

Two boys were arguing as they walked down a forest lined dirt path to the Shinjū Pond along with Charles’s two pet Eevees.

“Hey Charles you sure about this, I mean you know what your dad said about fishing in the pond”

“Ricky, I know however he said no hunting the frogs,” Charles told his nephew with an evil grin.

They stopped when they heard a rustling sound coming from one of the Sitrus berry bushes that grow along this path of the Leek's Woods that leads down to the pond.

Just then two Zigzagoon jumped out of the woodland undergrowth onto the path, both of them each had a minimized pokéball in their mouths and dropped them on the ground; as Allie and Rookie barked as he started to chase after the two Zigzagoons as they made hasty retreat back into the forest undergrowth.

“So Charles where those Zigzagoons friends of yours?” Ricky asked with a mocking laugh.

“Nope I just been observing them for the past week, they must know where to find a lot of Pokéballs because that’s all I ever see those two pick up, however Rookie keeps scaring them off,” Charles said as they picked up the two balls.

“Yeah right likely story, I think your just jealous of me because all the girls at school think I am a stud muffin!” Ricky said as they reached the pond and sat down on the bench of the dock.

“You wish don’t you? well sorry to bust your bubble nephew, but Claire, Amy and Emily are not instead in you!” Charles spat. “They however like me.”

“Oh sure they do then mind explaining the whole thing about be turned into ‘The Cutiefly Chick’ other day?” Ricky asked “I mean you keep using attract to get both guys and girls to bring you boxes of chocolate, apparently you nearly made Mayor Ryu issue a state of emergency."

“Well for starters the Cutiefly filter malfunctioned on the TG closest, and well the original plan was for my female potential to be unlocked so that I could have some fun with my girlfriends in bed."

“So wait you actually let those witches sacrifice your manhood just so you for could have a quad lesbian orgy?” Ricky laughed. “You're nothing but a freaking sissy!”

“They are Alchemists not witches, besides once the bugs are worked out we were thinking of asking you to join us.” Charles laughed evilly “Of course you would need to go into the closest before hand, no carrots allowed.”

“The only way you will get me into that closet is if you knock me out with Hypnosis after using mean look to prevent me from fleeing and drag me in there.” Ricky snorted “Besides unlike you I take pride in my balls.”

“Great Idea nephew, I’ll ask Ryu if I can barrow Caspar his Gengar,” Charles said evilly. “Which ones your Pokéballs or the ones between your legs?”

“The only way I see that happening is if it summons a Wallmaster using the move Phantom Gate, to knock out Smartguy,” Ricky spat. “Well unfortunately for you I’m so not your Guinea Pig!”

“That’s not a bad idea, and that's what you would like to think nephew,” Charles grinned. "Of course the god of this world has no issue with breaking the fourth wall.”

“Oh yeah and how would you know that it's not like you're a self inserted charter in one of your hairball fanfics,” Ricky snarled at his foolish uncle. “Then again Stan Lee has a bad habit of showing up in various marvel comics.”

“Of coarse it possible thanks to the many worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics along with steven stone’s quantum Skitty.” Charles said. “I mean there this one universe that has people worship an Omastar named Lord Helix I think its called TwitchTV or something, then again our world was created by Arceus who summoned 1,000 Unown and used them as his Armenians to shape the world.”

“And this is precisely the kind of bullcrap your parents were talking about uncle!” Ricky snarled.

“Open your mind before your mouth nephew,” Charles said. “Youth ages, immaturity is outgrown, ignorance can be educated, and drunkenness sobered, but stupid lasts forever.”

“What hell are you even talking about charcoal brain?” Ricky Snarled.

“I was quoting Aristophanes.” Charles rolled his eyes.

“So you actually pay attention to that all that bullshit we had to sit thru in our history class last Friday?” Ricky snarled. “Geat not only are you a freaking sissy but a flipping nerd face!”

"Why not Prof. Mulberry is a good teacher." Charles said.

"You say that about every single one of our female teachers," Ricky snarled, " I would not be surprised if you tried to turn every single one us guys in school into a girl."

"Yes I do and it's true female teachers are better than male ones," Charles said "And that's not a half bad Idea nephew now if I can just figure out how to build a portable version of the TG Closet."

"You're impossible, you don't have a single ounce of masculinity do to those three succubus you hang out with!"

"Kutabare [1]!” Charles snapped.

"Well look what we have here a worm with a backbone," Ricky smirked as they pulled out their fishing poles the lure charles was using was of a Caterpie and Rick's lure was a Weedle. "You don't see that everyday."

However unknown to Ricky and Charles their sisters had been training their Squirtle and Piplup, The foursome had hidden the cattails since it was a very hot Sunday evening.

Which was bad news the boys because the two girls had overheard what Ricky say, and started to work on a their Nasty Plot to totally embarrass them at school tomorrow morning; They set to work as soon as Charles and Ricky’s fishing lines were cast into the water.

Just then Charles thought he saw two flashes of light coming from the cattails however he stupidly dismissed it as being two Poliwag that were evolving into Poliwhirl, however he was about to find out just how dead wrong he was.

“Hey, Charles, I have a bite!” Ricky said as he started reeling in his line, but then Charles started to get a bite as well.

However, after some time they found out that are lines has not just tangled together as they had originally thought but had been tied together.

“Oh yeah that’s right, my Father thought his old Poliwrath how to tie fishing lines using Psychic,” Charles said slapping his forehead.

“Charles how could you forget that he even put a sign up that said ‘NO FISHING ALLOWED!" What do you have lumps of charcoal for your brain?” Ricky spat bitterly at his foolish uncle.

“Well I-” Charles started to explain, “Bronzor Aipoms that's cold!” he shouted as something pulled their shorts down and quickly froze the lower half of their bodies…

“Whoa! Why the hell are we half frozen you moronic fool?” Ricky snarled at his idiotic uncle. “So did Claire to give you a rabbit hole, you do look rather flat down there.”

“Well if she did you're so not sticking your fat carrot in it, I don’t care if you brag it's 12 inches long.” Charles snarled at nephew.

“Yeah I’ll pass, besides we have bigger problems to deal with.” Ricky spat.

“Like what?” Charles asked.

Just then their sisters wearing identical blue bathing suites jumped over their heads with the help of their apparently newly evolved Wartortle’s and Prinplup’s Water Gun attacks getting their two foolish brothers wet in the presses…

“Oh I see what you mean Ricky,” Charles said as their sisters got ready to do their Team Rocket like motto.

“Brothers prepare for embarrassment like you never experienced before!”

“To perfect the secrets of girlish kind with beauty and grace!”

“To make a mockery of our brothers throughout the land, and to fight for love!”

“Jodi!”

“Elena!”

“We blush at the speed of fluttering eyelashes with girl power!”

“Wartortle!”

“Prinplup!”

“Hey Ricky is it just me or are they getting better at doing their motto?” Charles laughed.

“No you dolt, we are just getting used to them saying it all the time,” Ricky sighed.

“Well Elena, how do you think we should embarrass our brothers this time?” Jodi asked her partner in crime.

“I know let’s take a picture of them frozen up to their necks in a block of Ice,” Elena said.

“I am sure with a good article it will make the front page in the school paper, and also make quite a ruckus in the girl’s locker room, especially the pink panties Charles is wearing.” Jodi said, as she took a camera out of her backpack that she pulled out from under the bench, with a devilish grin on her face.

“True, that would really screw up their perfect attendance records, let’s also make up a story about how they planned to take on the Petoskey Tournament when they graduate high school!” Elena said with also with an evil grin.

"Uh Elena you do realize that's not until 2002, right?" Ricky spatt as her Prinplup was using Ice Beam on him.

"Sure we do," Jodi said as their Pokémon finished up the second stage of their plan, then they left without even bothering to spray any max repel around them.

“Have any more bright ideas, charcoal for brains?” Ricky snarled in bitterly as he saw his own breath despite the warm night.

“Can’t you see I am working on it you mankey butt, however as we are currently frozen up to are necks in Ice, there is not much we can do until we are unfrozen!” Charles snarled with chattering teeth given the coldness he felt between his legs.

Just as the last of the rays of sunlight faded as Charles let out a long yawn, as two small Pokémon jumped out of the water on to the dock and gave a cry of their names as they ran at Ricky and Charles, however it was hard to identify them because, the full moon was hidden behind some clouds.


1. Kutabare = fuck you

Now I made a few edits based off of Ghostsoul's review, now while not everything she pointed out has been changed, I think what I did change fits better, while at the same time not being too major from what I had. Anyways thank you for taking the time to read my story. ​

 

[Charles Legend]

Right perhaps I was a bit unhinged, but I feel it was better to be safe than sorry, anyways there is obviously very little slap talk in this chapter that's becuse its setting things up chapter three...

Chapter two: The Crock of Time

“Poliwag!” crocked both Pokemon as they slammed their small bodies against the Icy prisons for lack of better team, Charles however noticed that one of them was oddly colored and had bright green skin even in the dim light.

“I don’t get it, if these Poliwag are wild Pokémon then why are they not afraid that we well catch them once we are free?” Ricky asked with a puzzled look on his face, however do to being frozen he could not scratch his head.

“Ricky were you sleeping in history class Prof. Mulberry explained to us last Friday about a wild Pokemon’s willingness to help out us humans is do to an old tale spoken of in Sinnoh mythology.

Long ago, when Sinnoh had just been made, Pokémon and humans led separate lives. That is not to say they did not help each other. No, indeed they did. They supplied each other with goods, and supported each other. A Pokémon proposed to the others to always be ready to help humans. It asked that Pokémon be ready to appear before humans always. Thus, to this day, Pokémon appear to us if we venture into tall grass.

Therefore explaining why wild Pokémon such as these Poliwag appear before us humans in random encounters.” Charles explained as the Poliwag body slammed the Ice faster and harder coursing massive cracking to show up in them. “Hey do you happen two know the move Scold?”

“Are you insane Charles while that may be able to melt the ice it may also inflict a burn on us!” Ricky snarled.

However the two Poliwags soon took a break, and hopped under a maple not that far away and started to scarf down on some Leppa berries, however they heard some barking sounds, and ran back onto the deck and hid behind Ricky and myself scared of the barking cries of Allie and Rookie, Charles could tell that they was chasing something as he heard a rustling sounds coming from one of the Sitrus berry bushes.

We watched as a Stunky jump out of it followed closely by the two Eevee, who relieved themselves on the bush before continuing to give chase to the Stunky, who gave a yelp as Allie and Rookie jumped on it, however four more Stunky showed up lead by a Skuntank who knocked the two Eevee of its offspring, and growled at them angrily...

The Skuntank lead her offspring to form a circle around Allie and Rookie, they all seemed to be unaware of us for the moment, Charles and Rickie watched as each of the five Stunky evolved into Skuntank who along with their mother turned their backs on Allie and Rookie, and sprayed them with a green poisonous gas...

Allie and Rookie let out a loud whine as they fell to the ground...

“No, Allie and Rookie you can’t die on me, you two are my best friends!” Charles screamed out loud without as his eyes started to tear up...

The old female Skuntank looked up at me and let out a mighty roar before running towards the dock.

“Smooth move charcoal for brains, Okoru the skunk even more!” Ricky Snarled.

However, just as the Skuntank put one foot on the dock, an Extremely wrinkled Poliwrath and an equally wrinkled Politoed jumped in front of Charles and Ricky with the same two Poliwags as before at there feet. Which led Charles to think that the very old Poliwrath and Politoed were the Poliwag’s parents.

The six Skuntank fled in fright as roughly five hounded Pokemon croaked out loudly “Poli!” and fired of water guns at them most of them missed however and thankfully none hit Allie or Rookie but at least it was enough to scare the skunks away.

“So Ricky now do you see my point about-" However before Charles finished an albino Dragonite landed in front of the boys and summered a transparent bell made of energy which not only cured the two Eevee of poison but also shattered the ice freeing the boys, as well as curing any frostbite and hypothermia they might have had.

“Charles now that your defrosted you might want to pull your shorts up, by the way I would never be caught dead wearing pink panties.” Ricky sneered then threw the Pokéball he picked up earlier at the Poliwag in front of the old Poliwrath then vanished with it into thin air.

“Same old Ricky the old get your butt handed to you, then teleport away after catching a new Pokémon, how original,” Charles snarled as he pulled up his shorts, he then noticed that the green Poliwag looked at it's parents who nodded and it hopped up to Charles “You want to come with me?”

It jumped up and down so Charles held out a Pokéball and it caught itself then he recalled Allie and Rookie and looked at the time on his watch 6:55 AM “Hey Myth mind taking me to school?”

“Dragonite!” Myth roared happily as he leaned down allying Charles to get on, he then took off and with time to spare he soon landed at Ringwood High School.

“Thank you Myth for the lift.” Charles said as he watched the mighty blue eyes white Dragonite fly off and walked to the boy’s locker room.

“So Charles you hitched a ride on Mayor Ryu’s goofy looking dragon," Ricky snarled with red eyes summing his ugly Carnivine. "Because of your hair ball plan to go fishing we were put on ice by our sisters and I spent the entire night without a wink of sleep, for that uncle you will kutabare!”

The ugly Carnivine then released a blue powder Ricky then swopped Charles male school uniform with the female one and also added the female gym clothes into his uncle's backpack. “Smartguy take this hogtied sissy to the Girl’s locker room where he belongs!”

"Abra!" it hissed evilly and it along with Charles vanished.

Ricky looked around and spotted one of the boys running off, he shrugged it off that was until he walked into the hall and saw his phys ed teacher standing there.

"Ricky I was just informed of what you did to Charles, therefor you will have a detention with me after school today meet me at the stables," she said.

"But Miss. Akane it was his hairball plan to go fishing in the first place," Ricky snarled.

"Ricky you will do as you're told or I'll make sure you never were anything but the most feminine dresses for the rest of your life," Miss. Akane said with a stern look.

Making Ricky gulp "Fine I'll do it but I better not be made to wear a dress," Ricky snarled as he walked into class

"We will see, it all depends on how you treat charles for the rest of the day" Miss. Akane said then entered the boys locker room and shortly came back out holding a nameplate and padlock then entered the girl's locker room with them in hand.

 

[Ghostsoul]

Author's notes: Right posting this may be a bad idea however I feel guilty about not sharing any of my stories here.

As a general note: People are more likely to anticipate and/or look for flaws if the author explicitly mentions them. Just a note for the future.

I ask you this not so you will take pity on me but rather so as to avoid any conflicts...

My reviews might seem kind of harsh, but that's simply the way I give advice, by finding most of all what should be changed. I'm sorry if I do kind of come across as cruel in places, but just to say I don't really mean it.

Now then this story takes place in Marshiso which is a land that is largely based off of the state of Michigan and the Great Lakes, mind you there will be influences from all around the world in it once I get further along with the story, for example there will be influences from japan given the who cherry blossom festivities originated there, that and the fact that there is a city in michigan known for its black cherries. Also please keep in mind that I'm taking liberties with both the geography and wildlife for the sake of biodiversity.

So like a fan region? These can be pretty good when attention is brought to world-building.

That being said I want you to note that I clearly don't intend to offend anyone, if however you have an issue with anything I have wror please let me know what it is and I'll see if I can try to fix it

I shouldn't worry too much about it, everyone is offended by something and some people even find frivolous things offensive so unless it's excessively offensive or written exclusively to provoke people I think you'll be alright.

Chapter One: Sisters cold as Ice

I think you could work on formatting here, the A/N and the story begin pretty closely to one another, simply putting this in bold and moving it to the center should do, and gives a cleaner effect.

Two boys were arguing as they walked down a forest lined dirt path to the Shinjū Pond along with Charles’s two pet Eevees.

A pretty standard opening, not the most intriguing, but it's alright.

hunting the frogs,

So this is a universe where animals and Pokemon do coexist? (Just a passing comment, considering people often debate on this.)

“Yeah right likely story, I think your just jealous of me because all the girls at school think I am a stud muffin!” Ricky said as they reached the pond and sat down on the bench of the dock.

I think this is a nice way of introducing the later plot of genderbending.

“Well for starters the Cutiefly filter malfunctioned on the TG closest, and well the original plan was for my female potential to be unlocked so that I could have some fun with my girlfriends in bed."

This sentence seems a bit odd, lots of things are mentioned at once. It's not explained what the 'Cutiefly filter' or 'TG closest' is and the 'female potential unlocked' thing just seems strange, I think it's the way you phrased it.

“That’s not a bad idea, and that's what you would like to think nephew,” Charles grinned. "Of course the god of this world has no issue with breaking the fourth wall.”

“Oh yeah and how would you know that it's not like you're a self inserted charter in one of your hairball fanfics,” Ricky snarled at his foolish uncle. “Then again Stan Lee has a bad habit of showing up in various marvel comics.”

This isn't subtle at all, and kind of distracting from the main plot. I'm not even sure if it has a reason to be here.

“Of coarse it possible thanks to the many worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics along with steven stone’s quantum Skitty.” Charles said. “I mean there this one universe that has people worship an Omastar named Lord Helix I think its called TwitchTV or something, then again our world was created by Arceus who summoned 1,000 Unown and used them as his Armenians to shape the world.”

However, along with the added importance of 'alternate universes' and the references given, this might be subtle enough to actually work.

TG Closet."

I'm guessing 'TG' stands for 'Transform Gender' or something similar? It doesn't really explain the 'Cutiefly' thing from earlier though.

"Kutabare!” Charles snapped.

The random use of Japanese here isn't really necessary here and just generally leaves a bad impression.

However, after some time they found out that are lines has not just tangled together as they had originally thought but had been tied together.

Because of all the talk from earlier, reading this makes it feel like an innuendo. Perhaps it's just me, but still...

“No charcoal for brains

You've used this line what 5 times now? It's getting a bit annoying/tiring to read. Can't they come up with some other insults to call each other.

Elenea

The name is isn't spelled correctly.

charcoal for brains?

Same as above.

There is lots of discussion in this first part, understandable since you've used it to set up the characters (although I don't really have many opinions on the boys or their sisters yet, I guess I can say that Ricky is a bit annoying but I'm not sure how likable he's suppose to be. I think you introduced a lot of concepts at once here, the TG closet, the alternate universe thing, the Pokemon themselves, the sisters etc. That could have been placed into the next chapter or later. Also a lot of these concepts are introduced through the characters talking to each other alone, rather than other things inside the story. I would say the set-up here otherwise would fit a journey style fic (which I assume there will be some elements of), but the pacing could be a little better, to give you room to introduce these concepts more slowly.

 

[Charles Legend]

@ Ghostsoul Thank you for reviewing, I actually thought it was fair and to the point, now while I did fix some things of the things you pointed out, mind you that I only made minor edits that hopefully made it less annoying to read, as far as what Charles and Ricky were talking about much of it will be addressed more in detail later chapters.

Now to answer your question, yess the Marshiso region is indeed a fan made region which will be traveled around eventually however for the time being the charters will be sticking around the general area of their home town.

I think however it will be a while until chapter three comes out, partly becuse I need to rework it, and partly becuse as you pointed out I should not have a whole buch of ideas come up at one time.

That being said it might get a little boring over the next few chapters given what I was thinking of doing is showing off what a typical school day for Charles and the gang is like, now one thing that many pokémon fans have wondered about is how education in the pokémon universe works, therefor I'll take the opportunity to share my own headcanon ideas of what it might be like.

 

[Charles Legend]

Author's Notes: Right before anyone gets upset they are just taking a bath together, although it should be noted that the soup the girls used on Charles is the catless in which tigers the alchemical transmutation of his body from male to female, so yeah it has nothing to do with child porn, however if you feel that I need to edit it than let me know, sice I don't want histry to repeat itself....

Chapter Three: Lunch with Miss. Akane

All Charles could see was a void of swirling darkness as he was falling, he soon landed in a familiar time and place was was a day several years ago it was the day he got to know his three best friends.

He sighed as he recalled being beat up by a gang of Shiri[1] football players who claimed he was nothing but a sissy and they also destroyed both his hearing aids and glasses, and how his Alchemy teacher Miss Rose found him passed out on the sidewall in front of the gates of Mayor Ryu's mansion.

later when he woke up she made him take a bath with his three best friends who saw it as an opportunity to test out the body wash and shampoo they created in their Alchemy class, it was not only until after the fact did he realize that it permanently transmuted him from male to female, that happened four years ago...

the swirling darkness faded as Charles landed hard on the ground and slowly opened her watery eyes, knowing full well that the Skitty was out of the bag now thanks to Jodi and Elena putting her on ice and revelling that she was actually female...

Meanwhile here in the girl's locker room three girls were changing from their cute Japaneses style school girl uniforms into their cute girly gym clothing.

“You know Claire I feel kind of sad for Charles, he was such a cute guy and yet almost all the students here hate him, sure perhaps we were jumping over a Sharpedo four years ago, I mean sure we partly did it to help her with dealing with bullies, saddly that did not work too well considering most boys especially that jerk face Ricky still pick on her, I think Charles is very kind and as sweet as a Cherubi, and dare I say she is just as tasty. as one” Emily sighed as she pulled up her pink panties and put on her mating sports bra.

“I know what you mean Emily, I like her just as much I mean really sure she may never used to be all muscular like many boys in our school are back when she was one, however I really do enjoy the fact that she had a softness to her, sure many girls may not like that, however am I right in thinking all three of us love that about that her,.” Amy said as the three girls pulled on their white shorts and tee shirts.

“Yes, and from what she told us, I gather her parents are jerks and so is her nephew Ricky, and that is why she still wears the mask of masculenty,” Claire said just as they fished up getting dressed. “Say was it just me or did you girls here a thud behind us as we started to strip?” They turned around and all off them started to blushed. “Charles? Quick help me untie her!”

Despite being totally embarrassed by the fact that the former boy they had a crush on was in their locker room, all three noticed he was blushing just as bad as they were.

“Uh thanks Claire, Emily and Amy for untying me and removing the gag,” Charles said as she was latterly sweating, “I can explain why I’m in the girl’s locker room.”

“No need to I know it was Ricky I overheard Jodi and Elena talking about measurements, I take it Jodi found your notebook, and then copied your monuments down and gave it to Elena who bought that schoolgirl uniform,” Claire said as the girls helped Charles to her feet. “I’m sorry for what happened to you Charles, however I’ll admit that uniform looks very cute on you.” she smiled at him as Amy and Emily nodded in agreement.

“Yeah he had his his ugly Carnivine use sleep powder on me next thing I know I’m wearing this and was tied up, I’m not sure what happen next but when I woke up and saw you three getting changed.” Charles said just as the warning bell rang. “I’m sorry I tried to close my eyes to respect your girl’s privacy but it was hard given you three have amazing bodies and well, I would not mind going out with all three of you,” Charles blushed, “And uh thank you Claire, I’ll admit it does feel a lot nicer to wear then my old icky boy uniform.”

Just then their teacher Miss. Akane walked in and looked Charles over. “Right your nephew Ricky will get a detention, as for you Charles get dressed or you be late for class, despite what he did he was nice enough to send your gym cloths and your backpack along with you.” she smile at her, “Charles don’t worry your not in trouble for being in the girl’s locker room.” she then handed her a name plate and her old padlock. That locker next to Clair’s is now yours.” she said and then left.

Charles sighed and looked in his his backpack to find her gym clothes, only to pull out cute female gym clothes like what Claire, Emily and Amy were wearing. “You knew my parents would freak out if they knew I was now a girl and was wearing a schoolgirl's uniform, especially my father who claimed skirts are not ‘manly’ enough.’ Charles said as he finished changing right front of his three best friends who all were blushing. “Then again I have been thinking of taking up your offer Claire.” and put her backpack and her new school uniform in her new locker.

“You have, that’s great, I think all four of us will have so much more fun if you did move in with me like Amy and Emily did,” Claire smiled as they left the locker room and entered the gym just as the bell rang, Claire then spotted Ricky and grabbed a ball from a basket and launched it at him flooring him, Miss. Akane looked at Claire. “Sorry Miss. Akane it's just that what he did to Charles was unforgivable.”

“Hum nice form, and that’s understandable Claire, however next time please wait until we pair off for dodge ball, you’re as feisty as my mother’s Miltank using Rollout to devastate your opponents.” Miss. Akane sighed. “Then again she often cried after losing to trainers who challenged her gym back in my home town of Goldenrod City when she was younger.”

Ricky snarled that his plan to make the Amy, Clair and Emily abandon Charles not only backfired but has ticked them off worst, since Charles was teamed up with many of the girls Miss. Akane knew that he been blackmailing into hating Charles, Ricky and many of the boys were outnumbered even if they did have a few girls on their side, namely Jodi and Elena.

About five minutes until the end of class Miss. Akane smiled at the fact that the girls team had clobbered the boy’s team without losing a single player. “Good game everyone!”

Then she looked at Ricky “Remember you will meet me at the sables after school, let’s see how you handle dealing with literal Pokémon dung, I have the perfect uniform picked out for you, by the way if you refuse to wear it you will be in even more trouble than you already are.” Many of the girls even some of the guys roared with laughter at Ricky’s misfortune, however she then added this “If any of you dares to poke fun at Charles or anyone else in the same way then you will also be doing the same task do I make myself clear?”

“Yes Miss. Akane.” many of the students said at the same time.

“Good, now before you head off to the locker rooms I would like to talk to you all however before I do, please pick up the balls and return them to the bins while I have a private chat with Charles, Clair, Emily and Amy out in the hall.” Miss. Akane said, once they were in the hallway she turned to Clair. “Normally I would give you detention for that act of aggression towards Ricky, however there are two reasons why I did not do that, First I along with other staff members have revived many complaints about his rotten attitude, however the only thing we can do is give him a detention or expel him, Second your father would have got mad at me, however I’ll forgive you Clair, if the four of you join me for lunch.”

The four friends looked at each other and gave a nod. “Sure we love to join you for lunch Miss. Akane,” Charles said as the as the four friends were about to entered the girl’s locker room

“Charles, I trust these three will keep your manhood in check.” Miss. Akane smiled.

“Oh I don’t think that will be much of an issue you see four years ago he was so badly beaen up he claped infrount of my house and, Rose made him take a bath with us and we ened up turning him permentlly into a girl.” Claire said. “I was the one who gave him a err womanhood,” she then turned red as a beet.

“Ah I see, but why did you do that?”Miss. Akane asked. “I hope you realize that you may have destoyed his future, even if you turned him into a girl in order to try and stop the bulling.”

“I'll admit what Claire, Amy and Emily did was somewhat selfish, and while the last four years have not been easy for me, they however have been fun,” Charlotte pointed out. “Besides truth be told shortly after they turned me into a girl I admitted I had a crush on all three of them, which they admired they also had a crush on me inspite of the fact they were all lesbians.”

“Oh so you all been having fun together?” Miss. Akane asked with a knowing smirk. “Well in any case I’ll have to talk to the class, you four go get changed, and I’ll see you four in a few hours.”

Back in the girl’s locker room Charles changed out off his new gym clothes and put back on his new school girl uniform.

Although before Charles could put on the blouse of his new uniform Claire handed him a bra, “Sorry I forgot to give you the matching bra on valentine's day.” she said and when he put it on the three girls smiled at him, all of sudden a his b cup chest blossomed into a pair of DDD breasts.

“Ah thanks Claire, I’m so glad I never really had an idiotic flat chest, I mean really I don’t know how men can stand having them so flat, along with all that gross body hair.” Charles sighted "But knowing my sister she will rat me out to my parents.”

“Your welcome, Charllette.” Claire smirked. “Don’t worry I have a plan.” she placed a hand on his right breast and stated to message it. "Shame we are at school right now otherwise the three of us would drive you crazy.”

“Actually you are are doing a bang up job of driving crazy right now.” Charles said then let out a moan. “As much as I’m enjoying this if we don’t hurry we'll be late for biology class.”

“Yeah let’s get going,” Claire as her beautiful sapphire is looked sad but at the same time full of love and kindness. “So Charles did you manage to catch a Poliwag or were you unable to because of your rotten sister?”

“Yeah Myth showed up and used heal bell to free Ricky and myself,” Charles explained. “You know I’m so glad that Prof. Maple dose have us do disgusting stuff like dissecting frogs, instead a member of each group to catch a certain species of Pokémon living in the area.”

“Yeah I think I speak for the four of us when I say I would lose my breastfed if we had to actually dissect the poor Poliwag,” Emily said as they entered their biology class room and they sat down at their table and looked at Charles with here hazel eyes. “We are sorry we did not come and help you however Claire’s mother need our help, considering a lot of trainers lost to her father in their bid to earn the Mythic Badge.”

“You would think they would use something like a Wigglytuff against his team of dragons, however I suspect most professional male trainers claim Fairy type Pokémon are too delicate and girlish to be used by them, and are best suited for Pokémon contests, still they could use attacks like Play Rough,” Amy grumbled bitterly as the rest of the class filed in and sat down. “It did not help that there were a few creeps from school that tried to take up skirt pictures of us.” she snorted in disgust.

“Amy I’m sorry that you three lovely young ladies had to deal with some idiots, let me know who they are after class and I’ll give them detention,” There teacher said walking up to them. “So Charles I herd your sister and niece put you and Ricky on ice don’t worry they will be having detention today along with Ricky after school at the stables.”

“Err thanks Prof. Maple, anyways Go Poliwag!” Charles sad calling out the green skinned Poliwag, “Yeah I thought for sure Ricky would have cough it, to be honest.”

“That’s quite a rare find you have there Charles,” Prof. Maple said as she resided a device on her wrist. “Hum according to the readouts of my Poké Tracker it seems to have a genetic anomaly, that's one fine specimen if I ever saw one, Charles if you plan on keeping it I would suggest giving him a nickname.” She then walked around the room and examined the other wetland Pokémon the other students had encountered, she then had the groups study the Pokémon they caught and write a report on not only its biology but also its natural habitat and diet.

"Oh so that's a Poké Tracker, I guess your dad was able to work out a deal with researchers from sevral leading Pokémon electronic gadget companies." Charles said as they were writing down the kinds of plants Poliwag tends to eat along with what bug type pokémon it favors. "Sure from what he has told me that one of the issues with the prototype was that ghost type and other supernatural beings in the spirita genus kept interfering with the devices readouts, thus he had the researchers at Firestorm Incorporated contact the ones at Silph Co. to work out a deal to incorporate the Silph scope technology into the Poké Tracker so it would not go haywire every time it was near a ghost type."

"More like my father's Rotom kept trying to possess it and inorder to turn itself into a Rotom dex." Claire pointed out. "Dad actally plans on giving the four of us one, in oder to better help us with our school work.”

Just then Ricky looked over at Charles and looked at his or rather her large chest, "I was right your girlfriends are succubus it's not long before they will use their demonic powers to turn every guy in our school into a girl!" Ricky snarled in disgust. "I will not allow this school to become an all girl's school!"

"Well Ricky looks like you just earned yourself a week's worth of detention cleaning out the stables." Prof. Maple said. "Furthermore if that were to happen you would be one of the first male students who would be turned into a girl, and I would personally make sure my son Joash the star quarterback would show you all the joys and sorrows of being female." she than turned to Charles. “So Charlotte have you thought of a nickname for your Poliwag yet?

"Yes Professor Maple, I think I'll call him Jeremiah." Charles said "And 'Charlotte a cute name." he or rather she blushed as the bell rang for the end of class and the start of lunchtime.

"Alright Class don't forget that I want you all to practice with the Pokémon's move set tonight, although I would advise not studying the moves like how Professor Kukui dose by having his Rockruff attack him." Prof. Maple said. “Then again he not as crazy as Samson Oak who often cosplays as different Pokemon, at least he has not yet got himself trapped in a Kabuto costume, like Bill did." Prof Maple said shaking her head. "Anyways have a good lunch and I'll see you all tomorrow." she smiled at Charles and his girlfriends and they nodded respectfully as they left for Miss. Akane‘s office.

Charles looked around the room and saw all kind of trophies and pictures some of which were of their teacher Miss. Akane who was apparently a Pokéthon Champion. “Wait her first name is Artemis, I wonder if she has zappy powers like the goddess.”

Just then Miss. Akane walked in and opened the mini fridge and pulled out five pink Bento boxes, and started boiling some water in an electric kettle “If you meant I have the power to change boys into Tepigs then no I don’t, however I hear Clair’s nursemaid Rose is a well studied Alchemists and knows how to turn boys into girls,” She smiled then winked at Charles. “Anyways today’s special is Spicy Bean Wraps, and fresh fruits and veggies from the school garden.”

They then sat down at a table and unpacked the bento boxes and before they dug into their lunches using chopsticks they said the following “Thank you Shaymin for this meal!”

“So anyways Miss. Akane, why did you want us to eat lunch with you?” Charles asked as he tried his best to mimic how the four girls were eating. “Also I would love to see what kind of uniform your going to make Ricky wear.”

“I get lonely eating by myself, most of the staff doesn't really like hanging around me that much, they say I smell like Pokémon dung, that and this is a much more fitting detention for Claire.” Miss. Akane said. “Basically a sexy milk maid dress patterned after a Miltank, along with high heeled cowgirl boots and a cowgirl hat, that and give him a big DDD bust and of course I got it from Rose who told me that only the person who puts it on can remove it, so I think Charles should be the one to dress him then have him stay a girl for a week."

“Wait Miss. Akane I thought you said you you were not going to give me a detention?” Clair asked. “Even thought I know I deserved one, wait why did you have five Bento boxes in your fridge anyways?”

“Ok, so you got me I was not going to give you an official detention because of your father, however I thought it would be better if you four joined me for lunch, even if its only the second week of your freshmen year,” Miss. Akane explained. “Besides much of the food in the cafeteria is unhealthy four you four lovely young ladies.” she winked as Charllet who face went as red as a beet.

“Well yeah the main issue with the slandered American diet is the conniption of too much animal produces such as meat and diary, no offense Miss. Akane I know your grandparents owned a farm back in Johto.” Charles said. “I mean honestly those jerks from Monsanto are Bioengineering frankenfood, and for what filling a patent on a seed? I mean really if people thought Mewtwo was bad news than they have not seen anything yet.”

“At least Mewtwo is an intelligent being that can be reasoned with sadly I don't think Monsanto is intelligent nor can be reasoned with.” Miss. Akane said shaking her head. “I mean the world would be a much better place if we all practiced the Back to Eden Gardening method.”

“I know right, I mean changing the genetic codes of plants, I mean that could really mess up an alchemical transmutation if one were to use a GMO in it.” Clare pointed out. “lucky my father pointed out that the Unown were tasked to maintain the fabric of realty by Arceus, thus its theoretically possible that they use their powers to create any dangerous genetic mistakes.”

“Like that would totally suck given that one of our favorite classes is Alchemy 101.” Emilly pointed out. “Indeed I think I can speak four all of us when I say that all the classes we take are super fun most of the time, unlike how some schools have rather boring subjects that are not that helpful to us Pokémon Trainers, I mean why would we need to know about advanced algebra if we don't really need it.”

just then the bell rang ending linch time...

“Cool time for Pokemon battle class and then Alchemy 101.” Charles grined “And best of all I am scheduled to battle Ricky today.”

“Now don't get cocky Charlotte, remember win or lose, your Pokémon are your friends and partners and are to be treated with love and kindness,” Miss. Akane. “However try your best to defeat him.”


1. Shiri = assholes

 

[Beth Pavell]

Ok. I'm going to be honest - this does need a lot of tidying up. I've read chapters one and two so far, and here's what's immediately obvious:

First is that the whole thing needs a thorough edit for technical accuracy. This is perhaps the easiest way to instantly improve any story, because about half of those edits wouldn't even be a matter of artistic choice. Capital letters in the right places, full stops where they should be, spelling good and accurate. Comma usage is a little more of a grey area. In dialogue, at least, commas should be where the character would pause for breath. If you find yourself getting out of breath saying a sentence, your characters would too.

Capitalisation for things like pokémon is another grey area. There is a school of thought which says a species name is no different from any other animal name, and so shouldn't be capitalised. I agree that this makes most sense - however. Given that the official media consistently capitalises all pokémon names (And that this is true even of things like the advertising), I think there's a legitimate argument for doing the same in fanfiction. Whetever approach you use, make sure it's consistent.

Second, the whole thing feels very rushed. Part of this impression comes from sentences that don't make much sense:

“Well I-” Charles started to explain, “Wait second where did my Bronzor Aipoms go?!” he shouted

“No clue but you do look rather flat down there, I would not put it past Claire to give you a rabbit hole.”

I'm guessing that this is supposed to be some sort of genitals joke, but the context really doesn't do anything to help me out in that guess.

The rushing also comes from the breakneck pacing. Especially in Chapter Two, things tend to start happening very abruptly and race on to a conclusion that comes just as abruptly. Slow down. Tell the story.

Third, the humour. I think a lot of this is intended to be funny. For me, it's too much. That's not to say it won't work for some people - I remember another story published on this site that had an intended joke in practically every line. I found it exhausting and tiresome, but it also gained a lot of positive attention from other readers. But anyway, back to this story, the constantly landing wacky antics are too much, and I really don't think you need them. Take the first conversation between Charles and Ricky - they trade childish barbs back and forth, but almost none of it moves the plot along, and most of them are pretty much rehashes of the last insult.

Bringing this back to the technical accuracy, this is where impeccable spelling and grammar can work in your favour. People reading fanfiction expect to see nonsense when they see spelling errors. They expect to see bad nonsense, at that. Whether that's a fair assumption or not, that's the one you'll get. Bizarre antics tend to get a better response when the reader's not expecting them.

Fourth, make sure your story makes internal sense. I'm not sure whether this is down to planning issues, but the relationships between the characters are really confused. Charles is stated to be Ricky's uncle but the text implies they're in the same class at school. Both the girls refer to them as their brothers, which would also contradict that.

 

[Beth Pavell]

And back for Chapter Three to round things off. Pretty much whatever I said earlier regarding One and Two also applies here, so I won't repeat it.

I've got to admit, this is a difficult review to write, because there were several major issues with the chapter and I'm not completely sure how best to approach them. I suppose I can only preface this by saying that I don't enjoy tearing stories apart (It's not funny and it's not clever), and I don't intend to be mean.

I suppose I might as well address the elephant in the room:

Author's Notes: Right before anyone gets upset they are just taking a bath together, although it should be noted that the soap the girls used on Charles is the catalyst(?) in which triggers the alchemical transmutation of his body from male to female, so yeah it has nothing to do with child porn, however if you feel that I need to edit it than let me know, sice I don't want histry to repeat itself....

I honestly didn't have any idea what this meant at first, though based on what I later read I assume it means this (Spelling corrections in bold). Either whatever you're writing with has a real hair-trigger autocorrect, or - well, in short, you need to keep an eye on it. In any case, if that was supposed to assuage any fears of inappropriate content, the note doesn't get you off the hook. Changing the protagonist's gender around doesn't make it any less sexualised, particularly if you must be so preoccupied throughout the chapter with breast sizes, underwear and outfits.

This brings me to the biggest problem with the chapter. How can I put this ... there's a distinct air of wish fulfilment hanging over this. Now, I actually think wish fulfilment has its place in stories. However, it's usually true that it's not much fun for the reader to read. When you look at this chapter, nothing much happens other than the protagonist hanging out with pretty girls who all really rather like him, with a nice pretty new body. Wink, wink. If that's the kind of thing you like to read, then fair enough, I'm not about to criticise that. From the perspective of a reader, I found it, well, an uncomfortable read.

 

[Charles Legend]

First of all thank you Beth Pavell, for you honest review, you are right in that the technical accuracy could be improved, to be fair the reason those chapters feel flushed is becuse they probably were when I originally wrote them years ago, Yeah it was a indeed a genitals joke, however it was manly to hide the fact he was transmuted into a girl four years ago.

Yes this is meant to be funny namely becuse I know some people have an Anti-LGBT mindset, such as my parents especially my father, that's why this story is meant to be funny, keep in mind however that clearly I am not making fun of the LGBT community, why would I when I am stuck in a closet myself do to my parents.

As for your last point that's really not an issue given that their mother is my older sister Julie who had them around the same time as myself and Jodi were born, it went me, Elena, Jodi than Ricky. that being said their a simple reasion they're in the same class at school, and that is becuse it makes things more interesting.

As far as planning issues goes, it's not that I don't have a rough idea of what direction I want this story to go however I sometimes find it difficult to get my thoughts on the page, I guess you could say that I lack the proper education when it comes to writing.

Your are right in that it does not get me off the hook, and yeah their is clearly wish fulfilment hanging over this entire story, I may just write up an ending in order to get it over with...

 

[canisaries]

It's yo girl Canis here, gonna drop a review on the first chapter because by my mama's sweet potato pie no one ever posts comedy here and I'm curious as to what this'll be like.

So first off, as others have said, there are several grammar, spelling and punctuation issues. Clean prose is very important for any kind of fiction, as it keeps the reader immersed, while errors disrupt the flow and pull the reader out. Sometimes errors are so severe that they actually make the story hard to understand. So it's definitely something important to work on. Look into punctuation rules and common errors online or just pay attention in English class if you're still in school. And proofread.

Onto a more specific complaint - a lot of characters get name-dropped or introduced very out of the blue. This makes the names of the actual characters harder to remember, which in turn makes the action harder to follow. Especially since these are rather generic English names - by itself that's not a problem, but it just happens to amplify the effect of this mentioned gripe.

For fixing this issue, I recommend taking a bit of time to describe and flesh out your characters, and to give them personalities that are recognizable. One good way too is to describe what they look like or especially what they're wearing, as it tells a lot about a person. As do their body language. Subtlety is key.

Also, about the dialogue: If it's only two people talking to each other, you don't need dialogue tags at the end. In fact, you should leave them out. Who's speaking is already apparent from the order, and the dialogue tags only clutter the prose, because the reader can't skip them in fear of missing some important action.

Now onto what got me to check this fic out in the first place: comedy.

On fourth-wall jokes... You should either do them consistently throughout the chapter, keeping the characters self-aware, or just not do it. If it happens just once and is never addressed again, it feels very out-of-place, dragging the reader out of the story for little purpose.

On running jokes: I see the charcoal brain thing. It really doesn't make any sense, doesn't tie into anything, and it shows up half way through the first chapter and keeps being repeated with nothing new added onto it. If it was a different phrase each time, that would work, as that would make it a quirk of the character saying it. But since it's the same each time, it kind of comes across as just a forced catchphrase. And in comedy, it's not good for things to be forced.

Now I do know the obvious fact that humor is subjective, but it is also well known that some techniques and tropes just work better than others, which can be seen in their longevity and popularity. Jokes and gags, to be considered funny, need to have the reader immersed and need to feel in-place. Now I understand I'm being super vague right now, but that's just because so many types of humor exist and it can be very hard to pinpoint what works and what doesn't.

However: I believe everyone has the potential to be funny. It just requires observation and learning. Which is why, for you, I recommend watching more comedy. There's lots to choose from, but some of my personal inspirations involve: 90s Simpsons, anime Abridged Series, Youtubers such as JonTron and Jacksfilms, Nostalgia Critic (NOTE: I personally don't think NC himself is funny, but he does make good points about comedy in his reviews), memes (NOT normie, that part is important). You see, the best way to become "funny" is to internalize the concepts and techniques, to monitor the reactions you receive and learn form your mistakes. When you learn to think dynamically and with wit, you don't have to try with comedy. It will come by itself, and if you feel like something doesn't work, you'll know to correct yourself.

And the best thing is that, when you have that sense, you might become so talented in presentation and timing that even jokes actually not that funny will be amusing coming from you. That is goals, my man. That's godly charisma.

I hope this was helpful or insightful in some way. Sorry if there's strangely worded parts, I'm not a native English speaker, plus there's the fact that I'm kinda ill right now, so my brain isn't at its best currently. Good luck with your writing in the future, I'm off.

 

[diamondpearl876]

Hi, there! I know you said you didn't know what to do with this story yet, but I thought I'd drop by and give some thoughts anyway.

I do agree a lot with what Beth Pavell and canisaries said above. There appears to be a lot of wish fulfillment here. My advice going forward with things like this is to try to go outside of those wish fulfillment ideas. Challenge yourself! Think about what you're trying to accomplish with this story, or think about what you might want to accomplish with this story even if it wasn't your original goal when you started. Delve away from the consistent mention of breast sizes, Mary Sue tendencies (everyone likes Charles, everyone is beautiful/hot, etc.). You can do that by asking yourself what else is important to these characters - love? Trying to make it through day to day life? Sports teams in their school? Making friends with their old bullies? Things like that.

If you think anything might be sexualized or potentially offensive, a preface isn't going to get you out of it, either. My advice there would be to ask yourself if there's any other way you can write those scenes in a way that still gets your point across. For example, the sentence where one of the girls reaches in between Charles's legs - was that needed? You mention this being some alchemy power they can do, so could you describe the alchemy powers at work in some fantastical way instead? Is it necessary to give these girls the power to change someone's gender for them at all?

Good luck with your edits and future writing!

 

[Charles Legend]

@ diamondpearl876,: Look I realize that this may come off as a bit of a wish fulfillment, and I do understand were you guys are coming from, however truth be told I'm not sure how to go about describing my female charters without describing the size of their breasts.

Anyways feel free to deleat this topic, if you wish to do so, as for me I have a lot to think about.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Here's a little exercise: think of a woman you know well, and describe her as best you can. Don't limit yourself to a physical description. Don't mention either their breasts or their backsides. And see how much you can find to talk about within those rules