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TEEN: Deer Diawy (Ponies Warning)

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After recieving Admin support on another forum within 10 Minutes, I decided to post this here. Note that the character in 1st person is Derpy Hooves, a pony with a, well... Disability. Do not be offended. It may seem nonsensical, but there is a plot. This is JUST the first chapter. This is the chapter that will make the least sense, I promise.

INDEX:
Chapter One: This Post, Derp
Chapters Two and Three: http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/deer-diawy-ponies-warning-125759/#post3749497
Chapter Four: http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/deer-diawy-ponies-warning-125759/#post3756091
Chapter Five: http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/deer-diawy-ponies-warning-125759/index2.html#post3764227

Good luck surviving:

The End
Hai, I'm derpy. Banana muffin diary this is mine! Sparkles rain from sky and party is fun! Pinkie Party story begin!

Begin now. Time, upon once I party Pinkie. Muffin Banana chips yum! Way any, Banana Muffins brought you a letter say which:

Dear Derpy Hooves,

Princess Celestia would like to meet with you at 5pm tonight. Bring somepony you'd consider to be a friend.

From
Celestia.

First at was like 0_0 then I like Banana Muffins! Anyway, letters are Muffins, delivered to Sparkle! Twilight invited me by, say yes maybe! Sparkle day! Sparkle eat Banana Muffin sleep then ride to Fillydelfia for muffins! BANANA Muffins. So Sparkle letter read and said "Yes Derpy, I'll come with you," and I said "I like Bananas!" and Twilight said "Umm..." and I said "I also like Muffins!" then Twilight banana muffined me and I'm in great thanks of deliciousness. SohugboxIhugboxleavehugboxpartyhugboxbyhugboxPinki ehugboxandhugboxshehugboxgavehugboxme another muffin! Kindness magic! Twilight make me fly to hers for Book read! Book fun read, "The Very Hungry Catapillar." I picture like can't read.

I tonight go to Celestia Meet and see soon, you.
hugbox
Derpy,
Beginning.
 
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The snake witch of DWMA
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oh derpy.. how you have now officially made me want to go and look up this madness known as the my little pony! :D Unusual yet fun start, looking forward to seeing more :D
 
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Oh crap there's still the hugbox? I meant to remove them. It's a copy paste issue from Evernote :p
 
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I think you should leave it in. It makes it... extra special.
 
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CHAPTERS 2+3!

So Then Fluttershy “Yay” was like Dash fly along! WOOOOOOSH! Race win fly race win Motorcycle. So Motocycle ride along to death. LOL JK Ride to Celestia. So me Twilight Celestia go, “Hello Derpy. I’ve wanted to see you in a long time. I have something that could fix your head.” And I confuse go Banana muffin and throw in face of Celestia! Laugh! Princess head shake. Not like it. “No, Derpy, don’t throw a Muffin in her face!” Twilight say. Me ignore. Me like Banana Muffin.

So Celestia get pissed. So I decided to piss. Well that didn’t go well. “Why is my floor covered in a green liquid?” Celestia say. Twilight hoofed her face. Funny. “Derpy, why did you do that?” Twilight say. So I make mouthy say “She look pissed, so I piss. Logic!”. Twilight Celestia not agree. Celestia say “Derpy, you… I don’t follow your logic there. But I think you deserve this cure. You are indeed, mentally screwed up.” I like that sentence not. I cry. I cry and cry and cry and cry and cry then laugh Celestia fall over then cry and cry and cry. Then Twilight “What is this Cure?” say. “Well, Twilight, she’ll need your help with getting it. First of all, you must go to the Orchard and get some apples. With worms in them. Feed the worms the apple, then mash the worms into a juice. Go to Zecora and ask her for a stem of Poison Joke. Then report back to me for further instructions.”

“Banana Muffins?” I asked.
“Later, Derpy. Later”. Twilight say.

So I away run to Applejack! Twilight horn me back to start. Derpy sad.

Sleep tonight. Now. Bye.
------------
So Applejack was farm. Moo Horse. "Worms in Mah Apples? Nonsense Twilight. I chuck 'em all out in the back. Peew, whyd'ya want them?" Applejack so Twilight went "Spell to cure Derpy here." and I smiled at my name being said. I like name mine. So I then said Celestia and then "Salutations to the Muffins" then Applejack said "Good luck" and I said "Banana Muffins" and Applejack gave me an Apple Muffin. It tasted nice. Nice things I like.

So apple muffin salutations aside, Twilight stamp on Wormed Apple crush to them. Yummy smoothie, I say, twilight say no and make more because I drink. Then I derped my eyes and lol'd. So Twilight and Applejack lol'd and I smiled as we left farm with Apple muffins which I was nomming on. Nom Nom nom Nom Nom Nom Nom. Nommy Nom Nom.

So my Noms are nice. Applejacks Noms are nommy. I was like :D and then I was like Nom Nom Nom.

Noms,
Derpy.
 
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Hehe, I can actually understand this. It's kind of like when I read the Curious Incident of the dog in the Night-Time, except that was written in my language (huh) and didn't give me a headache. I feel like the style is the same, and I like this story.
"I like that sentence not" made my head spin, but I got past it and I can't wait for the next chapter.
 
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Hehe, I can actually understand this. It's kind of like when I read the Curious Incident of the dog in the Night-Time, except that was written in my language (huh) and didn't give me a headache. I feel like the style is the same, and I like this story.
"I like that sentence not" made my head spin, but I got past it and I can't wait for the next chapter.
In a Similar way, I'm trying to get across a sorta "Different" feeling but they feel normal.
 
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Chapter Four: Twilight's Diary

Dear Diary,

Why am I writing a Diary? Well... Derpy asked me to. Well, she said SOMETHING about a diary. And that's all I got. She's... a little messed up in the head.

Her eyes... well... let's just say they aren't normally pointed.

So anyway, I've been given the task to help make the cure. For Derpy's derpyness.
So we went to Sweet Apple Acres. Wow... Derpy just ate worms and worms and worms. I think she likes worms.
Also, why am I writing this? Who'd want to read this?
I could publish it... YEAH! Excellent idea!
Derpy appears to be urinating on my Diary. This is interesting.
I'm going to go see what she wants.

Twilight Sparkle.
-----------------------------
"Twilight?" Say I. Twilight look up. She happy not.
"Why did you urinate on my diary?"
"Excited. EXCITED EXCITED EXCITED!"
"So... you're excited? Why?"
I point head. "Fix!"
"Ah... yes Derpy. You will hopefully be mentally able soon."
"YEAH!"

So read Twi's diary. Epic Twi truth be told!
Salutations to the muffins,
Derpy.

(Sorry for the late chapter everypony, I was busy)
 
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I really can't find any way that Twilight will be able to give a friendship report to Princess Celestia after this ship.
 
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Is there a little pony inside joke I dont know about? I see a bunch of people with them.
 
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wow I must say this is impressive
and @CyberPika yes it is My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic one of the best shows on right now
 
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Ah, ha!

Yeah, the grammar seems to be "off" in some places and they are really, really short for chapters but this is perfect! You captured the childlike nature and stream-of-conciousness that characterizes Derpy Hooves.
 
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@Drakon
I think the off gramar was intentional, but I have no clue. Either way, I like to think that there are no rules in how we think inside our mind or when we speak. Third person Narrative is another question though.
 
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Ah, ha!

Yeah, the grammar seems to be "off" in some places and they are really, really short for chapters but this is perfect! You captured the childlike nature and stream-of-conciousness that characterizes Derpy Hooves.
If you're referring to the Derpy Hooves segments, that is intended. If you are referring to the Twilight segment, please point out my errors!
Yeah... Chapters are short, but if I try to write long things I end up failing, getting writers block and quitting the Fic, so I'm doing short chapters.

Thank you! A new Chapter will be up later today.
 
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CHAPTER 5:
Cwootie Mark Cwoosaters and An Intellect Worth Desiring.

Deer Diawy,
Way to Zecora, Scooter hit Twilight. Lol. Scootaloo "Sorry Twilight!" Twilight no happy, Twilight get annoyed. Annoyed Twilight get, lol.
So Scootaloo and Cwootie Mark Cwoosaters say about trying to get their Cwootie Marks, I say "FOLLOW WE HELP", Twi say "No, Derpy, the can't come on this quest." I look at Twi then Twi say "Ok..." so Apple Bloom eat apple and I lick apple Apple Bloom look at me and I derp eyes. Lol.
DERPY.

--------------------

So... I just bump into this stupid derped up Pony, and then she invites me on a quest? Well, anything to try to get my cutie mark, I suppose. When she started eating Apple Bloom's apple though, I thought second thoughts, but it was a little bit too late now. I was in the Everfree forest with them now. Twilight took some poison joke from Zecora - "Poison Joke is no Joke, To remove it's effects Bathe in Yolk" - then we went back to Celestia. So then Celestia got Twilight to fetch something from her Library.

--------------
Dear Diary,
The Princess requested that I was to go and fetch a crumbled page of a book. So, I did. Out of the Slumber Party book, one of the pages was crumbled. So I took it, gave it to the princess, then she mixed the stuff together and poured Derpy a glass. She refused to drink it, so we made some Cupcakes out of it, then she happily ate them down...

---------------
Dear Diary,
Hello. I am Derpy Hooves. I am Twenty-Four Years and Four and a Half months old.
I was given a Cupcake. Then I blacked out. Then... Wham. Suddenly, I can speak normally, my eyes are normal, but... I don't... I don't like it. I don't feel like me anymore. I feel like Twilight. Whether that is good or not... I don't know.
So... I went to Twilight and we did some Quadratics, and Twilight said "Derpy... It is so good to know you. I never gave up on you, and look at you now."
So I said to her, "Twilight, I don't feel happy."
That heavily shocked her. "D...Derpy! You're normal now, why can't you be happy?"
I got angry at that. "Twilight. I was Normal before! Can't you see that? I was Derped naturally! I don't need this!"
We both were silent for a second.
So I breathed in deeply and said, "Twilight. I want to be normal again."
Twilight got rather annoyed at this. "Derpy. You Wrecked the Town Hall. You urinated on my diary. I've made you better... YET YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO BEING A DERPED UP DERPY? Oh my... Derpy. Get out of my house now, you ungrateful pony."

So I left. Then I went to Applejack's.
"Well that's great Derpy, you're finally better!" She said, happy.
I explained to her that I wanted to go back to normal.
"Well... That's not what ah'd 'ave expeckted from yoo... but uh... You'll have tah ask somepony else to help yoo with taht."
So I began to leave, when Apple Bloom popped out of nowhere. "I'll help yah!"
"Apple Bloom... Stay here with Applejack. It's not your quest. It's mine." I said.
"But Ah Wanna Help!" Apple Bloom said.
I looked at Applejack, she shrugged so I agreed to let Apple Bloom come along.
... Before I knew it I had the whole Cutie Mark Crusaders coming along.
Well... I just hope it's possible to reverse this kind of thing.
An Educated Journal Entry By,
Derpy.
 
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good old derpy hooves... I love how in character you have made them, (yes, I have made use of my day off) excellent work
 
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