HELP: Developing a fic

[Phoenixx0]

Long story short, it’s going to be a journey fic about Hoenn, however as I’m writing the outline I notice that it’s going to be very...basic. I’m using the game to help me progress the story, but now I think I’m a little too close to the story of the Hoenn games, if that makes sense?

I don’t have the entire outline written out just yet, but here’s the barebones plot regarding the evil teams:
Team Aqua seems like the good guys, Team Magma seems like the bad guys. However, as time goes on it shows that TA is actually the bad guys, and everything “Magma” has been doing is really just Aqua in disguise. TA manipulates the protagonist into believing them, which results in Team Aqua being able to get the blue orb and execute their plan (as they’ve basically “hired” the protagonist to keep Magma—who’s trying to stop Aqua—at bay). Eventually protag realizes his mistake and tries to fix everything that they did wrong.

A little different from the games, right? But as I’m developing the outline (below), I think it’s still too similar, and it’s worrying me. I don’t want the story to be boring to anyone, and I’ve tried to change some bits here and there to make it more unique, but I don’t know if it’s enough. Any advice?

Spoiler: outline

Brendan’s final team: Athena (F blaziken), Rusty (M aggron), Jupiter (M manectric), Aegis (M latios), Nana (F tropius), Mimi (F milotic)

May’s final team: Damien (M swampert), Bear (M mightyena), Norris (M breloom), Amelia (F gardevoir), Snuffy (F altaria), Squirt (M torkoal)

NOTE: ADM stands for Aqua members in disguise as Magma. They have slightly visible tattoos on their necks which stand for Aqua, whereas actual Magma members have tattoos on their hands.

— Brendan and May are 17; Brendan is a Christmas baby and May is probably a Taurus

• Brendan hasn’t gotten his first pokemon yet since Norman (dad) wanted him to wait until he is 18, but May got hers (Damien, mudkip) at 16

— Athena (torchic) is bred from Team Magma, a rescue by Professor Birch

• May knows Birch wants to give Athena to someone gentle and sweet, so she “”casually”” gives Athena to Brendan (with permission)
• No one knows of Athena’s origins, not even Birch since he found her injured and abandoned, however she does have a hidden brand on her wing (it becomes evident when she’s a blaziken, it’ll be on her palm)
• Athena has speed boost
• Athena was possibly abandoned by Magma for being too weak?

— Need a reason for Brendan to go out on a journey (argument with his parents? childhood dream never able to accomplish until now? or both)
— He leaves with May, without contacting his parents (will bite him in the butt with Norman’s gym lol)

• sneaks out in the morning, has major regrets and questions a lot but rolls with it
• May and Brendan have their first battle, May wins most likely but she probs tells Brendan he’ll get better?

— Petalburg Woods, he encounters ADM for the first time

• May wants to avoid bc that’s obviously a bad criminal and not their business, Brendan intervenes to save Devon guy
• tag teams with Athena and Damien, vs Poochyena and Numel
• Damien carries the fight tbh

— Petalburg

• Wants to stay in PokéCenter, but out of fear with his dad, persuades May to just keep going even tho it’s late
• Maybe has a rlly close run in with his dad?? But manages to avoid him
• Athena evolves after some random trainer battle

— First gym is pretty straightforward, he only relies on Athena
— After the gym he helps the Devon company guy without telling May (she’s battling Roxanne)

• saves Peeko from ADM
• skip the “give letter to Steven” thing, just have him leaving the cave with bruised pkmn following him
• May figures out he snuck off once she’s done and gets MAD once he leaves the cave bc “Brendan you can’t just play vigilante that’s dangerous!!”
• This is when May leaves him lol

— Definitely upset about May leaving him, might rant to Athena?? Briney comes and offers to take him to Dewford as payment for Peeko
— He’s gonna lose Brawly’s gym, chances are
— catches Rusty (Aron) in Dewford Tunnel when training with Athena
— Rematch with Brawly, wins but barely

• Athena knocked out, Rusty wins

— Goes to Slateport, museum raid hours

• ADM raiding, Brendan sees an undisguised Aqua dude sneak into museum but he doesn’t rlly have time to notice
• Rusty evolves
• Gets his ass kicked by ADM, but the Aqua member not in disguise helps Brendan and takes him to Archie (believing that they can use Brendan to help with fighting Magma since he’s p much hella against them thus far)
• Archie manages to persuade Brendan into keeping an eye out for Magma, and they exchange phone numbers to keep in touch (this is the start of the manipulation)

— Brendan on the way to Mauville, catches Jupiter (electrike)

• May battle; Athena (combus), Rusty (lairon) & Jupiter (elec) vs Damien (marsh), Bear (mighty), Norris (shroom) & Amelia (kir)
• Jupiter beats Amelia but loses to Bear, Athena beats Bear and Norris (gets poisoned) but loses to Damien, Rusty beats Damien
• May seems on edge, asks if Brendan has been staying safe, Brendan lies and says yes

 

[LightningTopaz]

How do Contests factor into this, if at all? Why not have a Contest sideplot, like May did in the show?

 

[Phoenixx0]

VERY SMART IDEA!!

Contests were annoying as heck in the games for me (especially when ORAS kinda forced it on you), but at the same time nonexistent, so that’ll def be nice to have :,^0

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

Welcome to the writers workshop!

If the main innovation on the Hoenn storyline you want to write about is this Aqua/Magma intrigue, may I suggest that you simply elide over the league challenge content? Most fans have played the games, and there are countless fics about earning badges. I recommend either skipping over the stuff that doesn't relate to the plot (or characterisation), unless you can find a way to tie it into said plot. For example, by making a gym leader a member of one of the teams.

Besides that, having a "unique" story isn't as important as having a compelling story. In any case, the best way to be unique is not to modify an existing story but to create something from scratch.

One other suggestion is to not get too hung up on planning and to just write the first several chapters paying attention only to a rough outline and how you think the characters would act. This might give you better insight into what you're actually trying to get written.

Good luck!

 

[Beth Pavell]

I would consider cutting or sidelining the badge quest for similar reasons - however, be aware that if you do cut the badge quest entirely you'll need a reason for why Brendan is gallivanting around Hoenn in the first place.

My concern with the evil team plot is whether it really makes sense for Magma to care at all about Brendan. Think about it without the assumption that Brendan is a protagonist - why should this organisation pay attention to this particular trainer?

 

[Phoenixx0]

THANK YOU BOTH (again)!!

YEAH true, I don’t know why I wanted to include the League in the first place? I was just like “okay, I’m gonna write my first bad boy, badges are necessary” when they’re not. Thank you for helping me realize that alhfkdncmc I swear I know what I’m doing—

I actually started working on the first part of the first chapter! It’s mostly just setting the scene, I haven’t really gotten into the plot yet (minus the starter, hehe).

AND YEAH I still have a bunch of plot holes or...anything, really, to figure out. Especially regarding the teams, it’s kinda an idea I came up with on a whim and started writing it all down. (I came up with this idea an hour before I posted the thread, so there’s that)

Once again (x2), thank you guys! Hopefully I can get this bad boy going strong