Do you find it difficult to relate to most people??

[Claire386]

I'm asking this question because lately I keep meeting new people and they want to connect but I honestly find it super difficult to connect with most people?

Like for example, people ask me what games I play. I mainly play Nintendo games but most people who approach me don't and finding fellow adult Pokemon fans outside of Pokemon communities is very difficult.

It's just really weird when you have so little in common w/ most ppl. Like most people's taste in music, games, TV shows or movies, anime etc is all so different and I feel lucky to have just 1 common interest with most people.

Do you guys feel the same way or do you find it's not that hard to really connect with most people?

 

[Zexy]

As someone with very few offline friends, it certainly is hard. But I do accept that you can only be half-friends with someone over a few common interests while both you and them have other half-friends over the rest of your (entirely different) interests, and so on. Mainstream media push the idea of a "bestie", a person you click on with 100%, for me that does just not exist, but it is not the end of the world.

Online I would say I have found people I am like 90% similar with, several thanks to this site as well. But most of the conversations devolve to "I can relate to that" echo chamber, not saying it is a bad thing, it can feel very good when you are in a bad mood and need it, but a different perspective is what brings positive change most times, at least this is what I believe when on a clearer mind.

 

[chocovelvetcake]

Ngl I do kinda find it hard to relate to anyone, especially irl. My sister and I are like 2 completely different people, despite being related to each other. I feel like we have more differences than similarities lol. For example, I'm more of a shy, quiet introvert while she's more of a confident, outgoing extrovert.


Growing up, I was never really the type of person who wanted to socialize with everyone, and I hardly had any friends at all. I would be way too shy to interact with my classmates (especially in group projects), and I would often keep my interests to myself out of fear of being judged by others (I've heard about ppl being made fun of for being into "childish" interests, such as bluey and my little pony).


I have a couple of online friends who I can relate to more than ppl irl. I have several things in common with some of my online friends, such as us being into the same fandoms, being neurodivergent (several online friends of mine have autism), and being artists, to name a few.


I do feel kinda jealous whenever my online friends can relate to things that I can't. For example, whenever my online friends talk to other ppl about fandoms they're into that I'm not, I can't help but to feel left out. Even though I don't really give a shit about said fandoms, I feel as if we don't have that much in common just because they're into 1 or 2 fandoms that I'm not really into.

 

[Herbizarre]

From my experience, at my work there are some people I connect with due to them having a similar attitude to me in terms of what needs to be done. Of course, having similar interests allows for easier connections with people, but I find maturity and trust to factor in quite a bit as well, making me realize what type of people I like. Are they younger ? Are they older ? So long as they keep a level-headed attitude, I can get along with them. I just wish some of my coworkers could at least let me play a full album of Metallica though.

As far as connecting with my family goes, being the only one in my family confirmed to be on the spectrum can make it difficult at times to relate to them, making me wish I was a bit more normal, at least for a day or so. But I had no problems whatsoever when I participated in the cousin reunion party we had back in June so I guess it really depends on the people you talk with and the experience you had with them.

With strangers, it entirely depends on the situation at hand. One time, I was sheltering for the rain to stop while I waited for my laundry to dry (outside of my closest supermarket there's an automatic laundromat/dryer), there was one person who came up and sought shelter until it passed, and we talked a bit about laundry stuff. It's mundane, but having a situation you can easily relate to with someone else helps a bit in breaking that introverted shell of ours.

I don't know if my reply helped in answering your question, but this is how I'd go about it.

 

[beryllium]

yeah. im autistic so it arguably just comes with the territory.
i dont have that many offline friends bc i barely know what constitutes a "friend" in the first place and i'm pretty sure most people who don't know me have already assumed i'm either just weird (perhaps true) or unfriendly (i can be aloof but i dont mind people talking to me lmao, unless even i would be able to tell that it isn't the time or place)
maybe that's why i like it here so much. for me, because i cant pick up on body language or voice tone, communicating online is much easier. and you guys are honestly really cool and nice? dunno how to word it.
i love this community. i think i'm gonna overstay my welcome.

 

[Zexy]

I have not been diagnosed with anything but I have some ADHD-like traits and some of the above post resonates a lot with me, especially about online just being easier. I am just glad you love this community, we are doing the best we can for it and are also glad to have you on board!

 

[colours]

i often find that whenever i'm in a group environment and am forced to introduce myself, my interests and hobbies are more.... niche than what most people are into. of course i'm into gaming and technology, but often the people i'm around... aren't? we just don't really have that much of a connection, or much of anything in common. it's a huge bummer because it's much more difficult to make friends irl and get along with others, and i feel like an outcast as a result. it is what it is, i suppose.

 

[Orchid]

Always have, probably always will.

From behind a computer screen, it's usually easy enough to find people with similar interests and hobbies (why else would we all be here?)... but offline, sometimes it feels like the majority of people are living in an entirely different world from me. Which, when I put it that way, I guess is pretty par for the course when you're autistic like I am — but somehow I'm still surprised at just how hard it is to find anything in common or really "click" with most people my age. Of course, that's not even taking into account how difficult it is just for me to, y'know... talk to people, at least without thinking "er, am I doing this right?". It can be a little discouraging, honestly; in retrospect, I haven't actually had any real IRL friends since elementary school. It makes you feel like you're perpetually stuck on the outside looking in.

But I don't always feel bad about that per se. The longest-lasting and most meaningful friendships I've had were made over the internet, some of 'em being people I've known for an entire decade now. And it's often very easy for me to relate to people here, too, when I know a lot of us are in the same boat (and I mean, it helps a lot that we all like Pokémon, too, doesn't it?).

 

[Claire386]

Always have, probably always will.

From behind a computer screen, it's usually easy enough to find people with similar interests and hobbies (why else would we all be here?)... but offline, sometimes it feels like the majority of people are living in an entirely different world from me. Which, when I put it that way, I guess is pretty par for the course when you're autistic like I am — but somehow I'm still surprised at just how hard it is to find anything in common or really "click" with most people my age. Of course, that's not even taking into account how difficult it is just for me to, y'know... talk to people, at least without thinking "er, am I doing this right?". It can be a little discouraging, honestly; in retrospect, I haven't actually had any real IRL friends since elementary school. It makes you feel like you're perpetually stuck on the outside looking in.

But I don't always feel bad about that per se. The longest-lasting and most meaningful friendships I've had were made over the internet, some of 'em being people I've known for an entire decade now. And it's often very easy for me to relate to people here, too, when I know a lot of us are in the same boat (and I mean, it helps a lot that we all like Pokémon, too, doesn't it?).

I can totally relate to this and I think I understand part of the problem.

We are raised and expected to like certain things; like popular or mainstream and as we grow older those expectations change. This makes it both easier and harder for people to relate to each other I think? Like easier maybe because popular interests give us something more to bond over, and harder because less popular interests become less appealing because popular is seen as better?

To me personally I always felt like popular people were basically just super good at liking things that are seen as the right things to like, so you can talk to them about games, music, movies, food etc and they can be fun and have lots to respond with etc.

I have a couple friends online myself, but only like 2-3 whom I've known since I was a child. Most of them like Pokemon actually cause I met a bunch of my close friends in Pokemon communities back many years ago.. but nowadays it does feel like making friends who like Pokemon outside of communities like this one is VERY hard.

 

[ZekromMahDad]

Not really. My energy matches most people my age but may be annoying to those older or more mature.

 

[Dubious Disc]

Definitely. I feel like my interests and general experiences are so different from others' that they find it easier to just find someone else to talk to that they have more in common with. Not understanding all our arcane social norms and standards certainly doesn't help - the sheer amount of work my brain does to keep up in a single conversation would sound utterly absurd if I explained it. There's so many things that are normal and natural to others that I flat-out don't understand (see the list of stuff I don't like below). It honestly feels like people don't have the patience for anyone who's different from themselves.

Plus I just don't really care about the things that most people like! I don't use social media, I don't watch TV or movies much, I don't listen to the music everyone else likes, I don't like sports, I don't care about dating or relationships, I don't pay attention to trends...of course I can't relate to people when all their discussions are about things that are far outside my sphere of interest.

To me personally I always felt like popular people were basically just super good at liking things that are seen as the right things to like

This puts it so well actually. It always seems like fitting in depends on how "normal" you can be and how much you like the things you're "supposed" or expected to like. If the things you like aren't popular, people just exclude you or don't take you seriously.

 

[Arylett Charnoa]

Oh indubitably so. This is going to sound so stupid and condescending of me, but I feel as though others and I aren't even operating on the same level in the slightest. And not that I'm on a higher level than them or anything - just... that I'm somewhere else entirely. Talking to others, especially the casual talk that permeates our existence, causes me a lot of strain. I feel like I have to put on a shoddy mask to try to pretend to be on their level, which never works because I haven't a single clue how to even accomplish that. I know everyone sees that I'm weird, and I don't fit.

And that's not even just offline either. Online, it's been much the same. My entire life, most people online haven't related to me at all. And it only gets worse as the social climate on the internet has changed vastly since I was a child. To something more fast-paced - which doesn't suit someone who enjoys rambling and having in-depth discussions like myself. One thing I've noticed is that I don't engage much with internet humor. I'm rather straight-laced compared to all the memes and lower-case casual talk that happens online. That isn't to say I don't have a sense of humor. Oh no. I can laugh endlessly when something hits that. I can be rather stupid and juvenile, especially in real life because I find vocal delivery to be far funnier than just pictures and text.

Most meme culture does not do it for me. Even if videos with people talking are more likely to make me laugh, it has to be specific types of humor. Doesn't matter if it's meme culture from the early 2000s or now. I generally don't like to say much either unless I feel I have something to contribute, so that makes it even harder to relate to others.

My hobbies are also very narrow and specialized. It's hard for me to enjoy and get into things, so I've tended to stick to the same things I've enjoyed since childhood. This makes it even more difficult for me to relate to others. Though Pokemon is one of my most prominent interests and the one I am most knowledgeable about, even within the Pokemon fandom, I feel out of place. I feel like the reasons I enjoy and play Pokemon aren't the reasons that most others do either.

The weird thing about me though is unlike a lot of internet heavy people, I prefer communicating through voice and seeing people. I find it more comforting, as I can pick up their intentions more clearly and they feel more human and relatable. All the best friends I made on the internet, we would eventually voice/video chat all day. Yet conversely, I am so bad at making friends in real life because it's hard to even find those who share my interests near me and because I am far more adept at communicating through text than vocally.

I don't know - I guess I can sum it up that I THINK that I feel and think deeper and harder than most people. Again, I'm not saying I'm better or smarter, but just different. I overthink things so much and go in-depth constantly, and enjoy examining stupid small intricacies of things that most others don't care about.

There is only one person in this world who understands me and I married him. He is the only one I've found who, whilst being rather different than me in many aspects, somehow is also on my level. Perhaps I'll find another one day, who can be our friend.

[If you're wondering, no, I'm not autistic. I went to get tested and it was determined that my multitude of other issues may be the source of my unique quirks.]

 

[impervious_gakko42]

hell yeah these people are aliens to me

 

[Catz]

I give it a shot, if I fail miserably, I sit in a corner embarrassed for a while and try again with someone else. Either that or I stick with my friend group I have enough friends as it is lmao

 

[Zerito]

For me, i find it quite hard finding someone who i can relate in a bigger level, but i don't let it be a deal breaker. For example, i have a friend in my class that we have literally zero interests in common, but i like talking to her, we mostly talk about things related to university, talk about random things that pop to mind, and we both have curly hair, so we often talk about how we take care of it haha. Anyway, it's a example that i don't put "have interests in common" as a requirement to connect to someone, sometimes we can enjoy talking about life stuff, if that makes sense to you. And also, i can talk to her about my interests and she will listen despite having any clue about it, and i will also listen if she gets to talk about her interests. I think it's a interesting way to get to know about something new. And she is not the only friend i have with none or few interests in common, i could put more examples here.
Of course, i won't deny that having common interests makes it easier, but it's not everything, i think context is more important, like said by Herbizarre:

With strangers, it entirely depends on the situation at hand. One time, I was sheltering for the rain to stop while I waited for my laundry to dry (outside of my closest supermarket there's an automatic laundromat/dryer), there was one person who came up and sought shelter until it passed, and we talked a bit about laundry stuff. It's mundane, but having a situation you can easily relate to with someone else helps a bit in breaking that introverted shell of ours.

You can talk to people in your work or your class because of context.

I do feel kinda jealous whenever my online friends can relate to things that I can't.

Haha same with IRL friends, i think that i may be losing an opportunity to strenghten our bond

 

[coordinator lissi]

Surprisingly, only like, ten people I know at my school actually care about Pokémon anymore. Maybe like, six. The only person irl who’ll listen to me talk about my pokeverse is Mudkipz. Strict parents don’t let me have big social media things, (not that I want them anyways…) so it’s kind of hard to relate to my friends talking about TikTok’s sometimes….

 

[Princess Viola]

Yeah I'm autistic so I mean.

Basically have spent my entire life like I live in my own bubble and everyone else lives in a whole interconnected bubble where they can all understand and relate to each other. But I can't, I've pretty much always been out of sync with everyone else and I have severe difficulties understanding other people at all, in fact I'd go so far to say I just don't understand them.

 

[Zerito]

Glad we have this worldwide network system that allows us to connect with people with the same interest haha because if it depended of real life people, i wouldn't talk this much about the beatiful pokéverse

 

[coordinator lissi]

Glad we have this worldwide network system that allows us to connect with people with the same interest haha because if it depended of real life people, i wouldn't talk this much about the beatiful pokéverse

Yes!! as I said before, the only person who would willingly listen to me talk about mine is itsJustmudkipz, a user here and my (I guess you could say?) best friend irl

our other friend will listen to me and I’m comfortable sharing with her, but she’s not as invested as mudkipz or maybe some people here are. Everyone else either doesn’t care, wouldn’t care, or both and I wouldn’t tell them anyways. It’s nice this exists