- Joined
- Jun 11, 2010
- Messages
- 4,404
- Reaction score
- 2,208
WHAT'S UP MY DUDE
I liked this chapter. Pua being pissed about his weekend possibly being ruined is pretty relatable. Shame he doesn't seem to get two day weekends like normal kids. Anyway, then there's his relationship to his mom, which is also relatable to a certain extent for any teen. His disdain for his mom doesn't seem to be typical teenage angst or rebellion like that. Instead, it feels like a hatred that goes to the core of who she is, plus hatred of his upbringing, his hometown, pretty much everyone that isn't in his close circle of friends... To me, the prose is dripping with his bitterness and longing for something better at the same time. It makes for an interesting read.
I know I've not read too much of yours, but your dialogue in this fic also feels really more natural than usual in this chapter. It all rolls off the tongue easily - yes, even the swearing and insults, lmao - and I get a good, genuine picture of just how close Pua is to his friends, particularly Leilani. Even with her, though, you can tell he's got reservations about certain things (like certain aspects of his relationship with his mom).
And, there's Kukui! I don't see the physical appeal, but seems Pua and Leilani certainly do. ;P His role in the story certainly seems like it'll be important, unless Pua gets chewed out and screwed over by jumping the gun and asking for a job, etc. I can see it happening, tbh, given all the other negativity surrounding her character. Either way, though, something's got to change for Pua, and he's got the motivation to make it happen. Looking forward to the next chapter!
I liked this chapter. Pua being pissed about his weekend possibly being ruined is pretty relatable. Shame he doesn't seem to get two day weekends like normal kids. Anyway, then there's his relationship to his mom, which is also relatable to a certain extent for any teen. His disdain for his mom doesn't seem to be typical teenage angst or rebellion like that. Instead, it feels like a hatred that goes to the core of who she is, plus hatred of his upbringing, his hometown, pretty much everyone that isn't in his close circle of friends... To me, the prose is dripping with his bitterness and longing for something better at the same time. It makes for an interesting read.
I know I've not read too much of yours, but your dialogue in this fic also feels really more natural than usual in this chapter. It all rolls off the tongue easily - yes, even the swearing and insults, lmao - and I get a good, genuine picture of just how close Pua is to his friends, particularly Leilani. Even with her, though, you can tell he's got reservations about certain things (like certain aspects of his relationship with his mom).
And, there's Kukui! I don't see the physical appeal, but seems Pua and Leilani certainly do. ;P His role in the story certainly seems like it'll be important, unless Pua gets chewed out and screwed over by jumping the gun and asking for a job, etc. I can see it happening, tbh, given all the other negativity surrounding her character. Either way, though, something's got to change for Pua, and he's got the motivation to make it happen. Looking forward to the next chapter!