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MATURE: Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (4) [XIII] [BACK!]

Formerly known as Tsu
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Re: Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (2) [Chapter XI]

Well that cliffhanger was expected since I had already figured out that it was his dad xD but overall I liked the chapter cause it finally settled the ties between Gabe and his mother. It was a good way to settle their problems, but I felt like the chapter was a little bit rushed and honestly, I expected more action xD you know since the first part left me hooked and all that.
Oh, there'll be action, possibly in the next chapter! Thank you! :)

Finally caught up! I said I'd read and review all of the fics that won awards, so I figured I'd start with this one since you read Unpredictable and I read the first version of this. I'm really tired right now so forgive me if this review is a little weird. If I had the time and energy I'd have gone chapter by chapter, but I hope an overall review is sufficient.
Man, I feel bad now - you shouldn't have wasted your time on this! :/ But since you're here, let me just say that I truly appreciate the fact you decided to catch up and do this review. I shall do the same for your story, I promise!

This was a powerful line. I don't know if you did it on purpose, but this sounds an awful lot like destiny, which Gabe is so opposed to the idea of.
I think Gabriel is slowly beginning to grasp the concept of destiny but I think he's also just being realistic - so much happened to him so far that it's only natural to him that more trouble is waiting just around the corner.

As has been mentioned before, I fear that Gabriel's cancer will become forgotten in lieu of the bigger story. The disease is imperative to the setup of the plot, but in the last couple chapters I feel like its been shunted aside. I understand that you can't and shouldn't bring it up every chapter, but I feel like it isn't all that important to the story anymore.
Then you should be happy to know that the disease will indeed play an important role. The meds Gabriel is taking at the moment are helping but for how long? Is there any other aspect influencing Gabe's disease growth? The disease started off this whole thing and it may seem to be forgotten - but then suddenly, BAM! Everything will change, I promise you that!

This is definitely not a journey fic, although that may just be bitterness that I had to compete against you in the awards xP
Well technically, there is journeying and there will be more traveling for sure, so yes, it's a journey fic. :p

I feel like he and Gabe should act a little differently around each other given their implied animosity at the beginning of the story. Even with all the things that have happened, you'd think that their sudden friendliness would be a little more awkward and guilt ridden.
The relationship between Gabe and Damian was never meant to be full of animosity. The only reason they had their conflict in the first place was because of the way Gabriel treated their mother and Damian couldn't understand that. They were always close but they never really expressed, well, except for the time their father died where Damian hugged Gabe in the flashback. They returned back to their normal relationship and then Gabe's disease struck and the whole Jenna issue ... though I can understand why you'd feel as if it seems forced or all of the sudden. I still have to work on my pacing/character development. :/

I can't pass judgment on Marissa quite yet, as she has jumped around quite a bit in personality since she was introduced. As was pointed out by someone else, she seems to have changed quite suddenly since her escape. You'd think she would carry more psychological scars.
I thought I explained it in recent chapters, but okay. Marissa was actually debating with herself whether she'd go and help out or simply leave and try finding her parents. She was torn but Vulpix decided to help out which is why she went along, Vulpix pushed her over the edge. Similarly, the only reason Marissa entered the Pokémon Center was because of the promise she had made to herself - that she would keep Liv's Vulpix safe.

Also, I don't know if you were doing this on purpose, but their seems to be some implied... oddness, I guess, about him. Particularly that "hallucination." Weird stuff.
Riley is odd alright, there's more to him than meets the eyes. Same goes for certain other characters, haha.

Here and there I'll find grammatical or punctuation errors that are quite jarring and jerk me out of my immersion in the story. Especially the quotation marks in some of the early chapters. You don't have to go fix them, but what was up with that?
I honestly have no clue what was up with that. :/

I'll fix them for sure, though, thanks for bringing my attention to it!

I make that same mistake all the time. We're nerds, it happens. If you'd like I can go back and point out exactly what I mean.
*Nerd brofist!*

I'd be really grateful if you could point some of these out. ^^

OVERALL: This story has the ever so uncommon quality of being able to immerse the reader. Even a lot of the fics that I really enjoy lack the ability to draw my attention in and hold it for eleven chapters (and one prologue). I'm glad that it's back and I sincerely hope that you have the fortitude to carry this story through to the end (a rare feat in fanfiction).
I'm eternally grateful for this review as I realized how much errors my story really has. Honestly, I knew it before which is why I was so shocked by the fact I won an award. I don't think my story is that good, but I certainly appreciate the compliments as well as the critiques. That's what keeps me writing this story as well forcing me to improve on certain subjects.

Thank you for your review. Now - onto Unpredictable! ;)
 
make plove not warble
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Re: Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (2) [Chapter XI]

Quote war has been declared.

Man, I feel bad now - you shouldn't have wasted your time on this! :/
Wasted my time? Nonsense!

Well technically, there is journeying and there will be more traveling for sure, so yes, it's a journey fic. :p
At this point, I'm going to disagree. Although there is certainly traveling, Gabe has shown no inclination so far to collect badges, ribbons, memories, stamps, human skulls, or whatever you want, so I'm not sure this fits in to the journey genre. But what do I know? You're the author after all.

I'd be really grateful if you could point some of these out. ^^
YOU WOULD GIVE ME MORE WORK WHEN I HAVE FIVE MORE FICS TO READ.

I kid, I kid, here's what I was talking about. Turns out most of what I noticed was actually Liv talking, and that seems to fit her more. Told you I was tired when I read this :p Keep in mind that these are all just my opinions.

“Are you serious? No, I can’t possibly take her with me?”
First off, that question mark doesn't need to be there. Second, this is a little wordy. She's surprised and shocked, so sentences should be as short as possible. "Are you serious? No... I couldn't!" would feel better.

“Mom? Dad? Brother?”
Again, this is opinion, but I have a brother and I always call him by his name. I've never called him "brother."

”Guys, you have to get rid of them! Each and every single one of them! Go!”
Each and every single one of them? Again, wordy and a little redundant. Just "Every single one of them!" or "All of them!" would feel more natural.

"I must get to the Pokémon Center,"
Must? No. You have to get to the Pokemon Center. Teenagers rarely say "must."

So yeah, those were some of the bits that really stood out in your otherwise very fitting dialogue.
 
Formerly known as Tsu
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Re: Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (2) [Chapter XI]

At this point, I'm going to disagree. Although there is certainly traveling, Gabe has shown no inclination so far to collect badges, ribbons, memories, stamps, human skulls, or whatever you want, so I'm not sure this fits in to the journey genre. But what do I know? You're the author after all.
Alright, I contacted one of the mods about this matter and here's what he said:

Gastly's Mama said:
Well, no one ever said that badges/ribbons had to be collected. There's not a particularly strict definition.
Thus, there is no strict definition of a journey fic which means that my story fits the genre as well. Not to mention that there will be gym challenges and appearances of gym leaders though they're not vital to this story.

So yeah, those were some of the bits that really stood out in your otherwise very fitting dialogue.
Ah, I see what you mean. Thank you very much!
 
追放されたバカ
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Re: Essence of Life - (Chapter XI) - 2nd June

I read this in two days.

And I just have to say that it is amazing. :3 The plot is completely original and gripping, the characters are well-developed, it's realistic... (as much as Pokemon can be, anyway :p)

...And I'm not very good at reviewing at all, so I'm just going to leave it at that. ^^;

Could I be tagged?
 
It's been a while
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Re: Essence of Life - (Chapter XI) - 2nd June

...And I'm not very good at reviewing at all, so I'm just going to leave it at that. ^^;
You don't have to be very good at reviewing, but read this it'll help.
 
Formerly known as Tsu
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Re: Essence of Life - (Chapter XI) - 2nd June

I read this in two days.

And I just have to say that it is amazing. :3 The plot is completely original and gripping, the characters are well-developed, it's realistic... (as much as Pokemon can be, anyway :p)

...And I'm not very good at reviewing at all, so I'm just going to leave it at that. ^^;

Could I be tagged?
As long as I know someone is reading this, I'm very content! Though be sure to check out the link Sai provided!
And yes! I'd be happy to have you on my tag list! :)

Also, I have some news for you guys. I have been watching a new show which inspired me to do something with this story. Something unique, something refreshing - something that will add more importance to the side characters, adding a whole new dimension to this story.

Thus, the second part of this story will be known as: The Rise of the Fallen Angels.

So much symbolism, so many hints. I hope you pick them up! ;)
 
Formerly known as Tsu
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Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (3) [Chapter XII]

Tag List: @Sai; @Thabet; @Stellar Haze; @Cosmos; @Flonne;

We're slowly but safely approaching the end of part one. I'd also like to thank Sai, my beta, once again as he's been a tremendous help in my writing. Thanks man! :)


Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (3)

“Agility!”


In the wake of a frustrating argument with Gabriel, a seemingly never-ending rush of anger overwhelmed him; in disbelief over his selfish actions, Riley had made the decision of releasing his wild emotions in a passionate battle, nonetheless, an exclusive gym battle - a match against the sturdy rock type user, Brock. Despite the fact he knew his chances weren't great given the circumstances, he decided to go for it as Scyther - one astoundingly agile Pokémon who had quickly become a trusted member of his team engaged in a ferocious battle against his adamantly looking Geodude, a Pokémon whose strength surpassed the one of any regular Pokémon.


Upon Riley’s command, the vividly green, human-sized praying mantis relaxed every possible muscle of his body allowing strange energy to overflow his lively, cream-colored wings and sharply clawed legs. Scyther’s speed suddenly rose; completely exceeding Riley's expectations, the bug moved at untraceable speed. He soon found himself roaming the seemingly natural rocky field in unbelievable speed doing his best not to encounter one of the tough boulders which seemed to be present at almost each and every spot of the rocky arena.

Riley smiled excitedly while Brock kept his composure.


Proceeding with numerous glowing, completely furious strikes as deadly as one of his scythes, Geodude found itself more hurt with each of bug's attacks in unawareness of the move dealing more damage with each hit. Riley was aware of that, though, and so was Brock who knew that it was too late for him to come up with any viable strategy. The rock hard creature pursued for balance as it fiercely submerged its hand under the field soon finding itself wielding a massive rock; it prepared itself to launch the attack at the opponent. Geodude's intentions ended up being futile however as Scyther's skills vastly surpassed his own.


The final as well as the finishing strike soon followed, leading to the rock's complete destruction and Geodude's inevitable downfall. The major amount of damage had taken its toll and thus, the Pokémon fainted.


“Geodude is unable to battle! Riley’s Scyther is the winner!”

Slightly feeling relaxation soften his anger, he grinned smugly over his triumphant success. All it took was a combination of speed and power but he still knew that the true star of Brock’s team had yet to be unveiled; the hardcore, rock diamond - a peculiar creature of even more peculiar abilities.

“Geodude, you did well!” Brock exclaimed calmly withdrawing his partner in a lustrous outburst of red light; he suddenly faced Riley with his dark, epicanthic eyes. Despite the fact he had just lost, Brock looked as adamant as always and his attitude only gave away extraordinary composure and sole confidence in his gym leader skills.

“You've proven to be quite competent so far, young challenger, however - how will you fare against this?” He enlarged his second Poké Ball getting ready to throw it out.

“Let the second battle commence!” the man known as referee shouted prompting Brock to yell unexpectedly.

“Onix! Show them what true power means!”


Following one single throw, an outrageous roar wiped the grin off Riley’s face forcing to him realize how much of a lethal threat this Pokémon would present; the elongated beast superficially composed of nothing but mere dark gray rocks spread its intimidation across the field upon slamming its tail to summon a vicious sandstorm. In the moment of Onix's overwhelming emergence, it seemed to Riley as if everything was a lost. He had lost his confidence for a moment, he had lost his arrogance in a spur of the moment.


His Scyther calmly turned around merely nodding to Riley - to his trainer, his first partner. Riley suddenly smiled again; of course he would win, his Scyther was one tough piece of work.

The sandstorm brewed allowing its intensity to influence every single being present on the field. The referee moved away, placing dark goggles over his eyes; he didn't seem fazed, in fact, it all seemed to be a natural occurrence to him. And let alone to Brock, whose stance expressed stronger willpower more than ever - he didn't move a single inch as his bestial creature seemed to reign over the field.

"Alright Scyther, we can do this. Put more focus at your speed once more, Agility!"

Sadly however, Riley's plans would turn out to be useless this time around. The wicked sandstorm grew stronger within the following minutes disabling Scyther from moving any faster. Trickles of sand affected Scyther before he could shield his eyes from the sandy dust forcing his movements to cease. Onix, who had remained immobile until that point, made its first move as the single thing Riley could see coming out of the rush of sandstorm was a bug type being completely carried away by the sheer strength of Onix's metallic tail. Finding itself thrown outside of the arena, Scyther took a moment to regain his strength.

"If only Sandstorm would stop ..." Riley muttered. "You alright?"

Scyther merely nodded before rushing back in the heat of the battle.

"Use Double Team!" The bug type obeyed suddenly splitting himself in several, eerily identical copies.

"Agility and then Fury Cutter!"

The creature obeyed as his master commanded; using the sheer advantage of his speed, the creature wasted no time before surrounding the boulder Pokémon with its copies, which suddenly proceeded with shielding their eyes. Onix was slow, or at least that's what Riley believed, as evident by the sole mass of its body - such heavy amount of rocks couldn't have amounted well for its speed.

Wrong again.


"Onix, Rock Polish!"

Riley clenched his teeth furiously as he witnessed the brightly shining creature move with swift pace across the arena. The illusions collided canceling each other until the last Scyther remained standing, much to his initial shock. With an unrestrained shout, the petrous snake soon unleashed its fury transforming its energy into a mystical rage. The peculiarly wild blue flames engulfed the rocky field leading their destruction across the shattered boulders defying even the sandstorm itself - the unlucky scythed Pokémon could only imagine the doomed fate that would befall him.

The fire suddenly ceased revealing the only true victor on the field - the Pokémon and its trainer, the creature and its master. Once again, Onix let out an inhuman shout before retreating to the other side.

"Scyther is unable to battle! Brock's Onix is the winner! Therefore, the victor of this gym match is the Pewter city gym leader - Yamamoto Brock!"

"Come back, Scyther. You did well," his smile faded as he withdrew his Pokémon.

"This was a good match, you did well," Brock remarked extending his arm for a handshake. Riley calmly glared at him before suddenly turning away.

"Apparently, not well enough," he muttered before suddenly heading towards the exit.

Riley wasn't satisfied, but at least he was calm once again. Those were the words in which he sought contentment but to no avail. Even Riley knew that now, that he was on his own, all the stuff he could have had if he had stayed by his father's side would remain out of his reach. He couldn't get everything he wanted anymore, but that was okay, he told himself, because he was a free man now with boundless freedom.

And freedom had no price.


*​


The people of Pewter had slowly began to calm themselves by the time she was out of the clinic; the heat of the tense day slowly faded as the seemingly immortal star above slowly moved across the colorful sky, the sky which slowly found itself decorated in bright reddish tones. It was better that way, she thought.

She couldn't understand their panic.

Their troubles would remain a mystery to her.

"They will never suffer as much as I did," Marissa muttered repeatedly drawing Vulpix's attention. She carefully stroked her mildly warm fur feeling the coziness draw her into a tempting sleep. She was tired and yet she couldn't rest. Wandering from one point to another, although confused in her inability to relocate her home, Marissa was fond of the increasing silence that slowly crept its way into the solid streets of this city.

No people that could hurt her.

No people that could recognize her.


"What do I do, Vulpix?" She bent down finding herself facing, once again, her pupil-less eyes. "Tell me, if I look into your eyes, if I look into your soul - will you tell me where my parents are?"

"Vul," The creature of soft pelt could simply raise her paws placing them above her chest. She got no answer and yet she felt warm happiness reach out from her. Why was that? Was Vulpix making her happy?

"Vulpix," her ears twitched as a response to the sudden noise.

"What is it?"

Before she could understand the animosity of the situation, Marissa suddenly fell back leaning on her hands as an enigmatic character emerged behind Vulpix's back sending her flying with an invisible force. The man of long, surprisingly dark hair glared at her with his intimidating eyes. The moment seemed to last for an eternity as she peered into his face, the depth of his bottomless eyes.

"Say, do you remember me, Original?"

The man from before, that's all that she could think of as she remained motionless.

"Now, let us go once again," he said violently grabbing her hand. He remained calm for a second before turning around to witness his Alakazam completely frozen.

"Teleport!" He yelled once again, but his Pokémon didn't do anything.

Sudden pain rushed through his body as he felt Marissa bite him infuriatingly deep into his skin. She rushed towards her fire type who was once again standing on her feet.

"I'm afraid your Pokémon doesn't take ‘Imprison’ quite well, does he?"

She put a smile on her face; seeing his face fill out with rage was a satisfying reaction. The man wasted no time however as ominous spheres entangled in eerie shadows emerged out of tips of Alakazam's mysterious spoons. Before she could even express her command, Vulpix's spontaneous reaction led to ignition as devastating flames engulfed the dark spheres swallowing them entirely. He frowned merely crossing his hands; Alakazam seemed to act on his own even without his trainer's commands.

"You will pay for what you did!"

Confusion, fear, but mostly pain; those were the emotions than ran wild through her heart and soul. Pain developed into hatred, hatred transformed into rage; she could feel her heart racing wildly as her inner outrage swallowed what was left of her emotions.

Marissa wasn't a victim anymore.

She was a monster, a monster they created.

"Kill him! Fire Spin on both of them!"

Vulpix obeyed without hesitation forming whirling flames from the insides of her body. Alakazam found himself prepared as a glowing sphere shielded both of them from melting. In unusual feeling of serenity, the humanoid-like Pokémon crossed his spoons followed by his master's vicious grin. She stepped back in fright though nothing seemed to emerge; no destructing attacks seemed to threaten them.

"Vulpix, use -" she exclaimed before realizing what was truly going on. Slightly behind her, Vulpix was struggling as a strange shine glimpsed from her body. The mystical fox Pokémon let out a cry as cracking bone noises ensued after a minute of helpless twitching.

"No, please don't hurt her!"

The man chuckled slightly pushing his hand away. At his command, as if launched by a projectile, an invisible force penetrated Vulpix through the air connecting her with a nearby stone wall causing it to crumble in aftermath of her afflicting impact.


"No!"


Her desire to run after Vulpix remained futile as a sudden force suddenly led the teenage to mysteriously float in the middle of thin air. She grabbed her throat in feeling of suffocation; a feeling of agony which soon vanished followed by a striking aches in her head.

"Please, not again!"

"Oh, so you do remember?" He remarked finding himself protected by a glowing shield once again.

Her memories shifted back and forth, from the times she could remember, times she gladly remembered to those she wished to forget. The devastating pain made Marissa herself question the mystery behind her survival; she questioned her ability to remain conscious despite all the agony she was suffering through. She remembered that day once again, the day she was stolen from her family, the day she was brought into that facility.

Perhaps, she could push away the pain like she did once.

Push it away; unleash it like she already did before.

With tremendous effort, she opened her eyes deciding to focus all her pain and suffer onto one man, the one who was making her go through this whole ordeal; the one man who was meant to pay.

Pain… Pain, once again, this time completely unbearable.

She screamed her lungs out, just like that day, she would scream until her heart would stop beating.

Then suddenly, everything stopped.

Following her abrupt fall on the ground, she exhaled as if pain left with each breath of hers. She looked in front of her seeing her enemy who was suddenly lying on the floor.

She saw the Pokémon who was barely leaning on his knees.

And lastly, she saw a teenage boy, a boy with an intimidating, red lizard by his side. She didn't know the boy, nor did she want to, but the boy looked angry beyond belief and his face didn't seem to express anything else but rage. Little did she know, but she was completely right. The boy was furious once again.

"Attacking helpless young girls, huh?"

The boy of a messy, somewhat long blonde hair clenched his fists while feeling the satisfaction of his decision. Managing to attack them from the back, his Charmeleon had managed to cease the incident by unleashing his furious metallic claws at the criminal and his Pokémon. He grinned smugly upon the sight of blood leaking from the man's back; the scratch was small but deep enough to cause moderate bleeding to a human. The man grumped in pain before reaching from Alakazam's hands.

Alakazam merely nodded before disappearing in a sparkle of blue light with him by his side.

"Are you okay?" Riley proceeded to ask but he was too late.

The girl was nowhere to be seen.​


To Be Continued...
 
Don't Look Away
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Re: Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (3)

Yes! I'm the first to post, I feel pretty proud of myself right now actually :)

Well the chapter was pretty good. The only problem I see is that I feel like it went a little bit too quickly; but maybe that was just me so I wouldn't pay mind to that. First of all I like to point out that your description for what was happening to Marissa was pretty good. As for the battle between Riley and Brock, well I feel that it was a little short.

On that note, is there a fourth part coming? it's mostly because I don't think this fits as a climax for a story arc with so much riding on it.
 
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Re: Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (3)

Yes! I'm the first to post, I feel pretty proud of myself right now actually :)
Well I am the beta reader so I could've posted right after the chapter was posted by a second :p but good for you XD
Well the chapter was pretty good. The only problem I see is that I feel like it went a little bit too quickly; but maybe that was just me so I wouldn't pay mind to that. First of all I like to point out that your description for what was happening to Marissa was pretty good. As for the battle between Riley and Brock, well I feel that it was a little short.
Actually I didn't think it went too quickly the pacing was just fine, and the battle between Brock and Riley should have been short; there isn't really any significant reason for it to be any longer.

On that note, is there a fourth part coming? it's mostly because I don't think this fits as a climax for a story arc with so much riding on it.
And yes Tsutarja mentioned this in the first part; there will be a fourth.
 
Formerly known as Tsu
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Re: Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (3)

Yes! I'm the first to post, I feel pretty proud of myself right now actually :)
It's good to hear that, hehe! ^^

As for the battle between Riley and Brock, well I feel that it was a little short.
Like Sai already said, it was never meant to be a big deal, honestly. I didn't want to drag out this battle for too long but for some reason I just thought that it would fit Riley to unleash his anger in a battle. Thus, I used the opportunity of writing this short gym battle, I hope the descriptions were okay, at least. We also got a bit more insight in Riley's character.

On that note, is there a fourth part coming? it's mostly because I don't think this fits as a climax for a story arc with so much riding on it.
Yes, like Sai said, there is a fouth part coming.

Thank you for reading and commenting!
 
Just Marcat
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Re: Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (3)

The chapter was pretty good even if it lacked a little in content compared to the previous chapters. Then again, maybe I got used to so many plot twists that i became spoiled. Huh, beats me...

Anywho. Lemme see. The battle itself was okay, I can tell you opted for a short battle seeing as the result was almost predetermined, with Brock being a pro and Riley a rookie with a major type disadvantage. Still, I feel that it coulda used a little polish, a little touch-up, to make it better. Now I'm not the best to ask about in the battling department, since I just don't like battling at all really, and avoid it like the plague in my writing. (And I'm a fan of pokemon, go figure...)

My point being, I really liked this chapter and I want to wish you luck with writing the next chapters.
 
Bright Days
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Re: Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (3)

I liked the battle, I'm probably in the minority of fanfiction writers/readers who actually enjoys battles. They get my blood boiling and show some action and I like that, so it was a nice treat for me to see Riley attempt to go after Brock only to lose. I'm assuming Charmander/Charmeleon lost to Geodude and evolved afterwards or prior to the battle? Well with a doubly disadvantage to Brock it's not surprising Scyther lost to Onix.

The 'Original' plotline is touched upon a bit more with the appearance of this cryptic guy. ^^ Interesting twist on Imprison being able to nullify moves that Vulpix doesn't know, sorta reminds me of Disable.

Seeing Riley's thoughts of freedom after the loss as well as interactions with saving Marissa was great. This chapter seemed a tad short, but no complaints here. Chapter length doesn't bother me, long or short at the end of the day it's about the quality of the work and effort put into it.
 
Formerly known as Tsu
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Re: Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (3)

The chapter was pretty good even if it lacked a little in content compared to the previous chapters. Then again, maybe I got used to so many plot twists that i became spoiled. Huh, beats me...
I don't know, maybe it's the latter? :p

Anywho. Lemme see. The battle itself was okay, I can tell you opted for a short battle seeing as the result was almost predetermined, with Brock being a pro and Riley a rookie with a major type disadvantage. Still, I feel that it coulda used a little polish, a little touch-up, to make it better. Now I'm not the best to ask about in the battling department, since I just don't like battling at all really, and avoid it like the plague in my writing. (And I'm a fan of pokemon, go figure...)
I'm not really good at it either but I simply felt as it belonged there. ^^;

Still though, I'll do my best to make my next battle better.

My point being, I really liked this chapter and I want to wish you luck with writing the next chapters.
Hehe, thanks! :D

I liked the battle, I'm probably in the minority of fanfiction writers/readers who actually enjoys battles. They get my blood boiling and show some action and I like that, so it was a nice treat for me to see Riley attempt to go after Brock only to lose. I'm assuming Charmander/Charmeleon lost to Geodude and evolved afterwards or prior to the battle? Well with a doubly disadvantage to Brock it's not surprising Scyther lost to Onix.
Yes, he evolved afterwards. Well, Riley was never really meant to win, gyms aren't the focus of this story.

Interesting twist on Imprison being able to nullify moves that Vulpix doesn't know, sorta reminds me of Disable.
Eh, I did a mistake there. I actually meant Disable. :/

Seeing Riley's thoughts of freedom after the loss as well as interactions with saving Marissa was great. This chapter seemed a tad short, but no complaints here. Chapter length doesn't bother me, long or short at the end of the day it's about the quality of the work and effort put into it.
Thank you so much for your words, it means a lot to me!

I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while, but that will change shortly, I promise!
 
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Re: Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (4) [BACK!]

Author's Notes: The hiatus is finally over and so is part 1.

@KingofKnights; @Thabet; @Stellar Gale; @Belarus.;


EoL - Our Fates Entangled (4)


Nowhere to run.


Nowhere to hide.


"Vulpix, please hold on!"

She pleaded. She pleaded to Vulpix, but most of all - she pleaded to God. The everlasting being that never came to her rescue when she needed it the most was now the only hope she had left - the only trace of hope she could find within the shadow of her former self. Marissa could feel her overwhelmingly beating heart race in animosity as she set foot in front of the Pokémon Center; her legs mostly desired to run inside though her body remained still.

Her brain was now dealing with a blockage and it seemed to her as if there was no way out.

"What am I doing?" she muttered to herself in obliviousness.

Marissa couldn't go in there, she couldn't risk being attacked by another one of them. She thought she had forgotten as she made her arrival in Pewter, but she didn't. She was being followed. The bad guys were on her tracks endangering Vulpix's life. They were seeking the monster, they were seeking her.

"What am I supposed to do?"

They knew where she was.

They probably knew where she had been as well.

"Liz ... no," she suddenly cried out evoking her body to shiver uncontrollably. The girl panicked, inhaling and exhaling impatiently as her body began to twitch.

"Vul ..." a painful cry reached out from her breath.

A cry full of genuine concern.

She gazed down at Vulpix's immobile body slowly beginning to feel her heart slowing down. It was a confusing feeling. For the second time, Vulpix had somehow managed to influence Marissa with her incredibly peculiar eyes, eyes full of wisdom and mysticism and yet strange and undetectable enigma. Perhaps, just perhaps ...

Vulpix was in pain, she understood that and she knew that she had to get her some help. The help was right in front of her and yet she hesitated for a reason, a selfish reason, she thought. Those people, even if they would hurt her, they probably wouldn't hurt Vulpix. Vulpix hadn't done anything to them to deserve it, she didn't play a role in this tragic story - Marissa did. Marissa's role was to take care of her, to make sure she's happy and healthy, because that was the promise she had made to Liv.

Then what was she waiting for?


"Hey you!"


She froze instantly upon hearing the familiar voice of the boy from before. Running along with his Charmeleon, Riley rushed towards her taking a look at injured Vulpix.

"What are you waiting for? Your partner needs medical care!"

Her partner. Was Vulpix truly her partner now?

"Get inside, now!" He yelled, pushing her inside without hesitation.

The following few minutes flew by as she had failed to react in time. Before she knew it, the same nurse from before, the one who had helped her Vulpix prior to the disaster in Pewter, had obviously recognized Marissa as she she mumbled strange words before rushing off with Vulpix into another room. Unlike her, Marissa remained still, unaware of her surroundings.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She looked at him. The boy who had just helped her, the boy who had probably saved her life. Marissa said nothing as she suddenly walked over to the other side, confused.

Slowly leaning herself against the wall, she looked at him again.

Yes, he was the one she owed her life to.


*


She didn't answer his question. Instead, she chose to distance herself from him. Needless to say, her behavior struck him as odd. He had just done her a favor of saving her life, the least she could have done was thank him.

"So, you're just going to ignore me?"

Words escaped his mouth though he didn't truly regret them. The girl of flowing, peculiarly red hair simply looked away in another direction as if he wasn't there. She was ignoring him, denying his existence for all he cared. The very thought of that was enough to make him angry.

"I'm fine, by the way. I mean, I just saved your life but it's not a big deal, right?"

"Could you please keep quiet?" She suddenly responded.

"Oh, so you can talk!" He slowly began approaching her.

"Will you shut up if I thank you?" She sharply answered with a question.

"Yes-" he began to speak.

"Thank you!" she rapidly interrupted him, "now shut up!"

She suddenly found herself struck by a fierce glare.

"Who was that guy anyway?" Riley asked eagerly.

"That's none of your business! Will you please leave me alone?"

Riley simply shook his head in annoyance deciding to sit himself on one of the chairs. Marissa answered with a short but intimidating glare as she approached the counter, turning her back from the young boy. Riley sighed, starting to wonder why he even bothered to speak her. She obviously didn't give a damn about him and yet he couldn't resist talking to her.

Perhaps, he just had a crush on her.

"I am such an idiot," he muttered to himself in embarrassing realization, fiercely slamming his palm against his face. His eyes slowly glanced over the clock on the wall prompting him to sigh in annoyance.

It was time for his medication again.

*​

"Dad?"

A petite boy of tidily fixed blond hair gasped in an unusual anxiety as he tampered around with a translucent bottle. His father had been sitting at an immense table of a fancy living room of prosperous value; he looked away from the newspaper he had been reading as he caught a sight of his young son, Riley.

Riley was always a weak boy in his eyes. From the moment he started taking care of him, he could sense his fragile personality, his fragile emotions and his fragile body. That frustrated him but what frustrated him even more, was the fact that, Riley was a boy of great potential at the same time. He was a a boy who, with the right amount of control, could become someone great, someone deprived of all flaws and weaknesses, a man of great power and success. At least, that was what Julian believed.

And Riley was no ordinary boy.

"What is it, Riley?" he calmly responded.

"I don't take these pills, I think you made a mistake."

Shivers ran through Julian's skin as he put the newspaper down at the table.

"Oh right," he smiled nervously, "I forgot to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"These pills you're holding right now," he swiftly moved away from the table as he approached his boy, "they've been proven to be way more successful than the old ones you were taking."

"Really? I don't know ..."

"Riley ..." he softly whispered to him. "I love you, I love you more than everything else on this world. I can't afford to lose you. Riley, do you love your Dad?"

"Yes, I do love you, daddy!" He responded without hesitation.

"Then please, take these ... and let us be happy together."

Riley obliged, happily embracing his father's neck with his thin little arms. Julian picked him up gladly as the boy laughed cheerfully, keeping his arms tight around Julian. Julian simply grinned in response because, well, a simple grin was enough to make his son happy. That was the day everything changed - for better and for worse.


*

"Ugh," he grunted rapidly falling on the floor.

Even though he believed he had already gotten used to this sensation, it seemed as if these drugs would always find a new way to astonish him. He looked over at the bed noticing a fading shadow of a second Riley, a younger Riley - an obedient little boy who used to put all his hope in his father's love. At least the hallucinations always remained the same, Riley thought, as he finally felt the pain go away. He reached firmly for the sheets managing to lay himself in the bed.

That day changed everything.

He wasn't the same old, fragile boy from before.

He wasn't naive anymore.

Despite all of his father's efforts to conceal the actual means of the drug, Riley had realized it long time ago - there was no disease. Though strangely enough, after he began taking the medication, everything seemed to change for him. He was a weak boy from the get-go, a boy who would cry over silliest things and a boy who couldn't hold perform much activity without feeling the tiredness overwhelm his body shortly after.

The drug, however, made him feel better, it made him stronger, both physically and mentally, and most of all - it made him feel as if he could take on the world. That was the beauty of it and as long as kept going along with his father's lies, he would remain the strength to maintain his freedom.

"My freedom ..."

His eyes casually moved towards the other corner of the room as well as the bed where Gabe slept the night before. Gabriel's stuff were still there, untouched, and the boy hasn't been back yet.

"Just where the hell is he?" he thought.


*​

"That's ridiculous," were the first words I uttered after Damian's nonsensical claim that our father, the person who has been considered for a dead man for so many years, was supposedly still alive.

Unsure of how to react, I rushed towards Mom in order to help her dissolve the shock she had most likely just experienced. She suddenly found herself sitting firmly on the couch as her, now completely tearful eyes, glanced at my brother in overwhelming surprise and a dash of hope.

"I'm telling you, Gabe ..." he firmly grabbed for my shoulders, his dark eyes faced mine. "A man attacked me and took me somewhere. I don't know where it was, but I heard his voice, Dad's voice. He is alive, Gabriel."

I stepped back.

"No," I shook my head in denial. "No, no, that can't be true!"

I refused to believe it.

Ever since his death, our family was hit by series of tragic incidents - my brother being forced to leave the academy and get a job unworthy of his knowledge and the revelation of a deadly disease that probably slumbered within me ever since my birth. I was in heavy denial. If my father really was alive, where was he? Why did he leave us? Was he taken by someone? And most of all, if he really was alive, why did my family have to suffer like this? Knowing that my father was somewhere out there, all along, was there hope for our family after all?

His body was never found ... because he never really died?

Did we have ourselves to blame for our misery?

"Gabriel!" He shook my body powerfully. "You now have to forget everything that happened to us. You have to erase all your bad memories and focus on the present. Dad is alive. Do you realize what I just said? He's alive!"

He shook me once more as I gazed at my Mom's growing smile. Tears began to escape my eyes as my frozen face expression slowly began transforming into a light smirk. He shook me once more beginning to smile widely, I couldn't contain my tears of happiness as I burst into a cry. I could feel my mother's arms embrace both of our shivering bodies as we all cried, together. A cry of happiness and relief, a cry that relieved me of sadness and awful memories. It almost seemed as if it was all worth it. We suffered so much only to find out that Dad was actually alive.

It was completely unbelievable.

Our hug lasted for a few moments before we separated.

"I must find him," I spoke out to which they nodded wholeheartedly.

But my happiness didn't last for long. As soon as I proclaimed my decision, a nostalgic feeling hit me, a feeling of a pain, familiar one - the one in my body as well as in my head. I barely managed to reach for their hands as I dropped on the floor, feeling as if someone hit me with a heavy piece of wood, no, this pain was much more exhilarating. Followed by sudden dizziness, I fought against the dreadful feeling that threatened to shut my eyes as everything around me spun in countless circles. My fight was futile however as I slowly found myself sinking into the darkness of my closing eyelids. The darkness eventually exploded as I lost my consciousnesses.
_______


"Gabriel? Gabriel!"

He lightly slapped his face in desperation though the fallen boy showed no response. Swiftly moving his head to the boy's mouth, he could only shiver upon the dreadful realization.

"What's wrong? Damian!" Jenna cried out.

"He's not breathing ..."


EoL: End of Part 1​
 
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Don't Look Away
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Re: Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (4) [BACK!]

Well that was a pretty good cliffhanger actually, but yeah I'm pretty sure that Gabe's not dead xD sorry I just know it. What surprised me was the developtment with Riley, I didn't think his dad could be so bad, and now I'm thinking that maybe the effect of Riley's pills, the reason that organization wanted Marissa and Gabe's sickness is all linking to something.

Needless to say I can't wait for part 2
 
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Bright Days
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This was a defiantly a solid chapter, Marissa and Riley's interactions were less-than-stellar surprisingly, even after he saved Vulpix. I noticed you kept saying Marissa's life was saved by Riley, when Vulpix's life was saved. Also:

she pleaded to the God.
Just say she pleaded to God, there's no need for the "the". It sounds too wordy.

Yep, Riley and Marissa defiantly seem like they'll have a bit of a dynamic in the future. Riley's cryptic past with his father was touched upon, interesting. So, steroid-like pills I'm assuming that was what Riley was taking. Jullian did it out of love and doesn't seem too bad a person. Gabe's revelation that his dad isn't dead, and he falls into unconsciousness, I'm assuming over his disease. Interesting way to end the chapter for all three character as well as Part 1 of Essence of Life. Marissa is being hunted by an organization, Gabe's and Riley's fathers. That three ongoing plot lines and it's going to be interesting how things flow in the future. It's a job well done for sure establishing each character and their story and back story, as well as chemistry.
 
Formerly known as Tsu
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Well that was a pretty good cliffhanger actually, but yeah I'm pretty sure that Gale's not dead xD sorry I just know it. What surprised me was the developtment with Riley, I didn't think his dad could be so bad, and now I'm thinking that maybe the effect of Riley's pills, the reason that organization wanted Marissa and Gale's sickness is all linking to something.
Ahem, I won't say anything regarding Gabe. :p

But yeah, you're thinking right. ;)

This was a defiantly a solid chapter, Marissa and Riley's interactions were less-than-stellar surprisingly, even after he saved Vulpix. I noticed you kept saying Marissa's life was saved by Riley, when Vulpix's life was saved. Also:
That's true, but Marissa's life was also saved.

she pleaded to the God.
Just say she pleaded to God, there's no need for the "the". It sounds too wordy.
Will do. ^^

Yep, Riley and Marissa defiantly seem like they'll have a bit of a dynamic in the future. Riley's cryptic past with his father was touched upon, interesting. So, steroid-like pills I'm assuming that was what Riley was taking. Jullian did it out of love and doesn't seem too bad a person. Gabe's revelation that his dad isn't dead, and he falls into unconsciousness, I'm assuming over his disease. Interesting way to end the chapter for all three character as well as Part 1 of Essence of Life. Marissa is being hunted by an organization, Gabe's and Riley's fathers. That three ongoing plot lines and it's going to be interesting how things flow in the future. It's a job well done for sure establishing each character and their story and back story, as well as chemistry.
Thanks for reading and commenting, I'm glad you liked it. And yeah, everything in this story is connected to each other in one way or another so I'm definitely looking forward to fleshing the relationships a bit more as well as the plot which I'm eager to develop upon.
 
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