Necrozma
Formerly known as Tsu
- Joined
- May 23, 2010
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- 4,751
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- #101
Re: Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (2) [Chapter XI]
I'll fix them for sure, though, thanks for bringing my attention to it!
I'd be really grateful if you could point some of these out. ^^
Thank you for your review. Now - onto Unpredictable!
Oh, there'll be action, possibly in the next chapter! Thank you!Well that cliffhanger was expected since I had already figured out that it was his dad xD but overall I liked the chapter cause it finally settled the ties between Gabe and his mother. It was a good way to settle their problems, but I felt like the chapter was a little bit rushed and honestly, I expected more action xD you know since the first part left me hooked and all that.
Man, I feel bad now - you shouldn't have wasted your time on this! :/ But since you're here, let me just say that I truly appreciate the fact you decided to catch up and do this review. I shall do the same for your story, I promise!Finally caught up! I said I'd read and review all of the fics that won awards, so I figured I'd start with this one since you read Unpredictable and I read the first version of this. I'm really tired right now so forgive me if this review is a little weird. If I had the time and energy I'd have gone chapter by chapter, but I hope an overall review is sufficient.
I think Gabriel is slowly beginning to grasp the concept of destiny but I think he's also just being realistic - so much happened to him so far that it's only natural to him that more trouble is waiting just around the corner.This was a powerful line. I don't know if you did it on purpose, but this sounds an awful lot like destiny, which Gabe is so opposed to the idea of.
Then you should be happy to know that the disease will indeed play an important role. The meds Gabriel is taking at the moment are helping but for how long? Is there any other aspect influencing Gabe's disease growth? The disease started off this whole thing and it may seem to be forgotten - but then suddenly, BAM! Everything will change, I promise you that!As has been mentioned before, I fear that Gabriel's cancer will become forgotten in lieu of the bigger story. The disease is imperative to the setup of the plot, but in the last couple chapters I feel like its been shunted aside. I understand that you can't and shouldn't bring it up every chapter, but I feel like it isn't all that important to the story anymore.
Well technically, there is journeying and there will be more traveling for sure, so yes, it's a journey fic.This is definitely not a journey fic, although that may just be bitterness that I had to compete against you in the awards xP
The relationship between Gabe and Damian was never meant to be full of animosity. The only reason they had their conflict in the first place was because of the way Gabriel treated their mother and Damian couldn't understand that. They were always close but they never really expressed, well, except for the time their father died where Damian hugged Gabe in the flashback. They returned back to their normal relationship and then Gabe's disease struck and the whole Jenna issue ... though I can understand why you'd feel as if it seems forced or all of the sudden. I still have to work on my pacing/character development. :/I feel like he and Gabe should act a little differently around each other given their implied animosity at the beginning of the story. Even with all the things that have happened, you'd think that their sudden friendliness would be a little more awkward and guilt ridden.
I thought I explained it in recent chapters, but okay. Marissa was actually debating with herself whether she'd go and help out or simply leave and try finding her parents. She was torn but Vulpix decided to help out which is why she went along, Vulpix pushed her over the edge. Similarly, the only reason Marissa entered the Pokémon Center was because of the promise she had made to herself - that she would keep Liv's Vulpix safe.I can't pass judgment on Marissa quite yet, as she has jumped around quite a bit in personality since she was introduced. As was pointed out by someone else, she seems to have changed quite suddenly since her escape. You'd think she would carry more psychological scars.
Riley is odd alright, there's more to him than meets the eyes. Same goes for certain other characters, haha.Also, I don't know if you were doing this on purpose, but their seems to be some implied... oddness, I guess, about him. Particularly that "hallucination." Weird stuff.
I honestly have no clue what was up with that. :/Here and there I'll find grammatical or punctuation errors that are quite jarring and jerk me out of my immersion in the story. Especially the quotation marks in some of the early chapters. You don't have to go fix them, but what was up with that?
I'll fix them for sure, though, thanks for bringing my attention to it!
*Nerd brofist!*I make that same mistake all the time. We're nerds, it happens. If you'd like I can go back and point out exactly what I mean.
I'd be really grateful if you could point some of these out. ^^
I'm eternally grateful for this review as I realized how much errors my story really has. Honestly, I knew it before which is why I was so shocked by the fact I won an award. I don't think my story is that good, but I certainly appreciate the compliments as well as the critiques. That's what keeps me writing this story as well forcing me to improve on certain subjects.OVERALL: This story has the ever so uncommon quality of being able to immerse the reader. Even a lot of the fics that I really enjoy lack the ability to draw my attention in and hold it for eleven chapters (and one prologue). I'm glad that it's back and I sincerely hope that you have the fortitude to carry this story through to the end (a rare feat in fanfiction).
Thank you for your review. Now - onto Unpredictable!