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MATURE: Galar’s Darkest Hour (To be merged)

Fan of Jarrus

Kanan Jarrus is a Noble Jedi
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Contains descriptions of injury, swearing and trauma.

A retelling of Victor's and Hop's battle against Eternatus. Leon almost dies from Eternatus' explosion. Which puts his and Victor's battle on hold.

Victor's team is my Sword team.

***
Part 1

Defeating Rose had not been easy for Victor and Hop. Instead of stopping them, the Chairman let them pass. He even congratulated Victor for beating him. Roars filled the air as Victor and Hop stepped out of the elevator. The blackened sky pulsed above the pair, blasting down a miasma of thick air. Cries from the Dynamax Pokémon can still be heard even from this height. Turning towards Hop, Victor nodded. “I know that we all can win this.” Though he got a tingling sensation in his chest.

“Lee could handle this.” Hop ran up the stairs to the roof and stopped as he saw it. “This was…” Leon’s Charizard was engaged in battle a large skeletal otherworldly dragon. Despite towering over Charizard, the creature was severely damaged. This was Eternatus, the eldritch beast that Rose used to solve Galar’s energy crisis.

Just the sight of Eternatus made Victor shiver. Leon… I know you can. But we bring help. He took a step back as Eternatus let out an enraged unearthly roar. It breathed out a fatal blast of poison towards Leon.

Leon dodged the attack easily and yelled to Charizard. “Dragon Breath!” Eternatus let out an unearthly scream as it was blasted back by Charizard’s breath filled with Draconic energy. The attack did not manage to paralyse Eternatus.

“He has got this!” Hop smiled as his brother ordered Charizard to use Flamethrower. “Now we can call Zacian and Zamazenta.” He shut his eyes and paused for a moment. “Victor, I cannot reach them…”

“Strange.” Victor also could not reach the wolf. Didn’t the sword and shield mentally connect him and Hop to the wolves? “They should come. But looks like Leon has got this.” He was very amazed by the Champion standing up to Eternatus.

Charizard roared as he slashed the beast with glowing golden claws. He was covered in deep gashes. But the Fire/Flying-type ignored this. Charizard’s tail flame flared when the beast rose up. “So you can still fight? Bring it then!” His eyes darted to Victor and Hop. Charizard growled at Leon before facing Eternatus. “They have…

“What? They are-” Leon turned towards them, frowning. “You came to help me in spite of the danger?” There was a hint of anger in the Champion’s tone. Leon would be, Victor told himself. He and Hop just show up when this beast needed to be dealt with. This was very dangerous for the young Gym Challengers.

“We had to come. So we all can stop this.” Victor flinched as the dragon sent out a purple beam of Dynamax energy, almost hitting them all. This creature was much dangerous than any Pokémon Victor had seen. “We got the sword and shield. To help you…” He stopped, noticing Leon’s look of scepticism. Yes, two gym challengers turn up with rusted weapons. I do not blame you, Leon. Victor gazed at the rusted sword. But they must be helpful.

“What are those going to do, Victor?” Despite his doubt, Leon remained focused on the threat. “You both should have not come. This is too dangerous.” Composing himself, Leon turned to Charizard. “Dragon Claw.”

“These will certainly help…” Victor told Leon, he started to feel unsure of these weapons. “But we heard the legends and decided to fight alongside you.”

“Still, it is foolish to show up.” Leon replied sternly. He looked down as he got out an Ultra Ball. “Eternatus has been worn down by Charizard and the rest of my champion team. Now if I can simply catch it and we should be able to get this madness under control.”

As Leon was about to throw the ball, the enraged Eternatus breathed hot flames at him. The Champion cried out as his body was scorched. He would burn to death, screaming in pain. “Leon… no…” Victor winced, he was frozen by shock watching Leon. He felt powerless to save the man who he respected.

“No!” Hop yelled as his brother tried to move away from the flames. He ran over to Leon, but Eternatus nearly hit him with its flames. Hop let out a scream as he dodged the blast, trembling as he looked at the Champion. “Lee! Please move-”

Do not harm Leon!” Charizard roared as his eyes flashed in pure rage. His talons glowed with draconic energy and he blocked Eternatus’ flames. The beast cried out and looked towards Leon, who was still weakened from the attack.

“Stay back!” Leon ordered Victor and Hop when the flames around him died down. He was in a terrible state, burns covered the Champion’s body. Apart from his cape, the fire had burned holes in his clothes. “I must…” Leon muttered, determined to stop Eternatus. “Breaking Swipe!” He ordered Charizard who struck Eternatus with his tail. Leon threw the Ultra Ball and caught Eternatus. Though relieved that the beast had been subdued, Leon grimaced as the nasty looking burns pained him.

Eyes narrowing as the ball shook, Leon turned towards his partner. “Charizard, protect Victor and Hop.” Charizard’s eyes flashed with fear, but he did so. Charizard held out his wings over Victor and Hop, looking back at Leon who was too weak to move.

An ear-spitting explosion came from the Ultra Ball. Victor winced as the shockwave flew towards them. His heart pounded, was this the end? No, it can’t… Victor jerked his arms to shield his face, hopeful that he would not get blown to bits.

Both of you… Hold on.” Charizard growled as he grabbed both of them. The rush of energy passed over them, weakening Charizard.

“Hop…” Victor’s mind shifted to his best friend. He was breathing rapidly as the shock left him. “Hey, it’s over.” Victor gently told him. Hop’s look eased as he heard Victor’s words.

Hop, Victor… You both not too shaken?” Charizard growled as he staggered, worn out from intense fighting.

“No…” Victor looked up, gasping as he recovered. Thanks to Charizard, he and Hop were unharmed. But Eternatus had freed itself. “But Leon had-” Victor froze as the beast roared, about to lunge. He took a step back, lost for words.

“Vic!” Hop cried out which got his attention. He trembled at what he saw. “Lee has-” Victor recovered from the shock and saw that Leon had been knocked down. The sight that they saw horrified them both. The man who was unbeatable laid burnt and bleeding in front of them.

Was he still conscious? Victor ran towards the fallen Champion, cursing. “Damn it! Leon, please-hang-” He had focused on protecting him and Hop, even if he would fall. Victor yelled to Eternatus as it roared. “You see what you have done!”

“Lee!” Raw panic filled Hop’s eyes and his voice was thick with fear. “No, don’t di-” He threw himself beside his injured brother. “L-Lee, why? I can’t-” Hop choked as the tears escaped from his eyes. “-live without you…”

“Hey…” Leon weakly breathed and smiled at Hop. “You… can… live…” Straining to get up, Leon glared at Eternatus. “Do… not… think…” Not matter how hard the Champion tried, he just collapsed. “About…” He grimaced from the severe pain which weakened him.

The beast loomed over them, about to strike. Victor released Dover and told him to distract Eternatus. “Hey, Leon-” Victor cried as Leon tried to push himself up. himself to get up. “-stop, you can’t…” The Champion fell back down, groaning weakly.

Leon!” Charizard lifted up his fallen trainer’s head. “Hey, hold on.” He growled as he nudged Leon with his talon. “You are strong, partner. Though you are in bad shape.”

“Yes… But…” Leon breathed weakly and looked at Charizard. He coughed up a large amount of blood as he spoke. “Do… not… worry… get Victor… and Hop…” Charizard softly growled at Leon’s request, looking at Victor and Hop.

“Lee…” Hop does not move as he looked at his brother. “I don’t-”

“Without you-” Victor began, unable to take the sight of the state of Leon. He want to turn away and not see the blood.

The Champion was holding on to consciousness, but Leon was slipping away. “Victor… Hop…” He whispered, gasping as he looked at the pair. “You… two… get…” Leon tried to stand back up, but collapsed in the pool of blood.

“Lee, please don’t…” Hop took Leon’s hand. As his brother struggled to stand, he cried out. “No, you are going to-”

“Hold on, please Leon.” Victor whispered as he tried to gather his thoughts. He should not be in this state…. What can be done now? Victor cannot turn away from Leon. The Champion laid motionless, broken and bleeding. Zacian, Zamazenta. We really need you both right now. Leon, Galar’s Champion is injured and the Darkest Day has returned.
 
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- Leon’s Charizard strikes a large skeleton like dragon Pokémon. <- Huh? With how fast you're throwing into things, this line threw me way off, especially without the hyphen.
- The talking Pokemon threw me way off. Mostly because of how the wolves and the normal Pokemon both do it.
- What kind of an explosion was that to bloody the guy?!?!?!!! It's more like a fkn grenade went off!
- That feel when relying on freeze hax.
- Wait what? The fight is over just like that?
- Hey, wrapping up wounds. Though that said you need to wrap them TIGHT or hold them for that to work.
- Well I have heard of being able to understand Pokemon before - sometimes for absolutely no reason at all than a bond - but not the ability being dropped on minor nameless NPCs.
- The bit about having a grudge against taxis is like characterization that's just there and not elaborated on besides some consistency in the previous scene
- Uh that feel when a Pokemon is just sealed away and imprisoned in a ball forever. Personally I liked bringing the thing to Leon himself. He actually acknowledges it!
- Well it's nice showing the Pokemon sparring with each other, although...
- go against each other is vigour. <- I think you meant with vigour!
- So wait how is Victor unable to understand his own Pokemon yet can understand someone else's Charizard???
- a tough battle against the unbeatable Champion <- Who was just beaten. Bloodily.

Eh. Do like the base concept of exploring what Leon went through as a result of his injuries, but it was more focused on your character and his upcoming battle than Leon's and Hop's side of things. Which is kinda what something like this should be doing. Was hard to care much about Victor here. Like he has all these Pokemon and helped call for help, but like yeah so? It's like being dropped into the middle with no explanation (see: the Corviknight Storm's grudge against taxi services). Plus, I want to know what's going down with Mr. Champion Time! His injuries are far worse here. How's he gonna recover from it?

Well. If this is multi-chaptered, I guess there's time for that.
 
Doing a lot of rewrites to this. There will be portrayals of PTSD.

The two wolves know they have to defeat Eternatus quickly or Leon would bleed to death. But the man does survive.
 
Wrote Leon moving away from the captured Eternatus because he would actually do that. He had other Ultra Balls with him.

Later, when Hop asks him about moving away. Leon tells him that he cannot outrun the explosion.

Should Victor be angry at Rose?
 
Part 2

“What can we do?” Victor glanced at the rusted sword. Seeing Leon severely injured had drained his hope. He could had guided him and Hop as they fought Eternatus. “We thought Zacian and Zamazenta would come to help us after we got the weapons.” Victor held out the sword, wishing that they came.

“Those… V-Victor…” Leon opened his eyes and looked at the weapons that Victor and Hop had. His voice was so weak that they cannot catch every word. “Can… t-they… bring…” Leon let out a strained breath as he tried to continue talking, hand clutched his bleeding chest.

“We hoped…” Hop gazed at the rusted shield. “But without you, we could be taken out.”

“Hop…” Leon’s voice was now barely a whisper, but he managed to smile at Hop. “H-here... you... t-take…” The Champion placed another Ultra Ball near the pair, his dulled eyes filled with filled with hope. “V-Victor, Hop. I-I know y-you can…” Weakened from his injuries, Leon passed out.

The Champion laid in his own blood, motionless. Leon would die, but he cannot. Victor knelt down beside him. “Leon… you are- Please, we need you.” It was no use, Leon was now unable to do a thing. His grip tightened on the rusted sword. We must finish what Rose started. Leon had done enough. Victor told himself, still afraid for the injured Leon.

“No, Lee. Y-You can’t-” Hop’s voice shook, pleading for his brother to awaken. He tapped Leon’s shoulder and called. “Lee! Brother!” But Leon gave no response, he was out cold. Hop’s eyes widened as he saw the amount of blood lost. His trousers were stained, but Hop did not notice. “Don’t-” He sobbed as he took in the sight of the blood around Leon. “Lee, please…”

“Hop.” Victor stood as he picked up the blood-stained Ultra Ball. He did not want to leave Leon like this. But the region was in danger. “Come on. We have to deal with this.” Victor placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder, but Hop did not respond. He put Leon’s fallen hat next to him.

“I-” Hop whispered, still clutching Leon’s hand. “H-How can I? Let Lee bleed out and die? Just leave me, Vic.” The rusted shield in Hop’s grasp fell to the ground. But he paid no attention. “Brother, please do not die. I-I really-”

“Hey, Hop!” Victor yelled, getting Hop’s attention. Wasting time would only leave Leon in a more critical state. With the amount of blood he was losing. “Listen to me! We must fight!” Victor pointed to Eternatus who cried in pain when Dover attacked it with a blast of freezing air.

Hop’s eyes twitched as he turned to Victor and yelled. “Why?!” Victor stopped himself from flinching as Hop’s voice got intense. “Just look at Lee!” Breathless and shaking, Hop clenched his fists. He pointed to the weakened Champion as his voice lowered. “He’s really hurt. You think I should just forget him?” Hop glared at Victor, showing the blood on his hands. “I thought you cared! You don’t have a brother. So don’t-”

“Do not talk like that! Of course I have family!” Victor pulled Hop around to face him. Breathing heavily, Victor glared at his friend. “You know, my mother.” If this happened to his mother. Victor would be very worried. “But the whole region will suffer if Eternatus is not stopped.” Victor got Hop’s attention to the darkened sky. “You think Leon would want that? How would he feel if his brother refused to fight and let Galar to fall into ruin?”

Hop took a moment to think over Victor’s words. He knelt back down and touched Leon’s shoulder. “We will continue your fight, Lee…” Hop’s voice lowered as he turned to Victor. “No, he wouldn’t. We cannot let Eternatus cause destruction.” Picking up the shield, he composed himself. “But, Vic, it’s dangerous for him while we fight.” Hop looked at his unconscious brother. “We need to get Lee out of here.”

Hey!” Charizard roared as he landed in front of them. The Fire/Flying type was even more beat up, but he managed to flap his wings with ease. “Calm yourselves for the battle. I still have enough strength to fly Leon out of here.

Victor looked towards Eternatus. Dover had used a powerful blast of ice to subdue it, but not for long. He turned back to Charizard as fear flowed through him. “We will find a way to deal with Eternatus, Charizard.”

I will get Leon to safety.” Charizard growled as he eyed them both. “But I am returning to help you two out.” Could he fly in this state? Victor wondered what if Charizard crashed? He and Leon would be killed.

“We do not want him to die.” Shoving the thoughts away, Victor placed his arm under Leon’s chest and shivered. His wounds were deep and dripped blood over his hands. Too much blood… Our Champion… He tried to ignore the wetness on his hands and stained jacket. With Hop’s help, Leon was placed safely onto Charizard.

Hop, Victor.” Charizard glanced at his weakened partner, then turned back to them. “Do not do anything reckless. For Leon.

“We won’t…” Hop looked at the rusted shield and whispered. “Lee, please hang on…”

With a lot of effort, Charizard lifted himself up and flew off. Victor watched without saying a word. The Champion was out of danger now. Are you happy, Rose? He looked down at his blood stained hands. Victor was shaking, he should not look at them. If Leon dies, would you care? Or still about something that will happen in 50 years? Turning his attention to Dover, Victor yelled. “Dover, are you still up to fight?”

“I still am.” Dover hissed, wincing. “Though not for much longer.” He had sustained severe injuries and nearly collapsed, Victor recalled his partner. He cannot bear to see Dover also badly injured. The Inteleon had done enough to Eternatus.

“Lightning! Quicksand!” Victor called as he released the pair. “Go all out on Eternatus!”

The Boltund snarled at the alien beast. “What is that?” He yelped as he dodged Eternatus’ stream of fire. “Eternatus?! But Leon should had captured it.

“He had failed.” Victor mumbled, looking at his stained hands. “He got caught in an explosion and was injured.” His mind briefly flashed to Leon collapsing. “Go on, Lightning, Quicksand! We need to protect Galar!” He told the Pokémon who cried out a challenging threat to Eternatus.

We must!” Quicksand hissed as she blew sand towards Eternatus. The beast responded by sending out a blast of fire at the Sandaconda. She hissed as the fire surrounded and burnt her. Quicksand writhed in pain as she slithered out of the flames.

“No…” Victor froze as his heart raced at the sight of his partner. “Just stop this!” He yelled at Eternatus, but the beast paid no attention to him. It loomed over the fallen Sandaconda, about to strike. Victor watched on, his hands tightened around the sword. He quickly recalled Quicksand.

Lightning and Dubwool clash with Eternatus’ stream of fire. Lightning ran up to Eternatus and bit the beast with sharpened fangs. “Come on then!” His ears flattened as he snarled. “We will not forget what you have done to our Champion!

Hop’s Dubwool slammed his head into Eternatus, making it flinch. Victor smiled at his friend, but he saw the fear in Hop’s eyes. “We can do it, Hop. For Leon and Galar.” Victor encouraged him and Hop nodded. The fear faded from him.

“We can.” Hop nodded and with Dubwool beside him, he ordered. “Dubwool, Take Down!” The sheep Pokémon glowed white and ran into Eternatus. The beast was barely affected by the attack. It breathed out the blast of deadly poison. Which took out Lightning as he protected Dubwool.

Victor recalled the weakened Lightning. Eternatus is taking out anyone who faced it… Leon, Lightning and Quicksand… He released Storm, hopeful that he will not fall. “Storm, Steel Wing!” Victor yelled as he wiped away sweat from his forehead. Storm cawed as his wings hardened and he slammed them into Eternatus who had knocked down Dubwool.

Hop send out Cinderace who kicked a flaming pebble at Eternatus. The eldritch creature shot out a blast of Dynamax energy at its attacker. He barely avoided the hit and struck Eternatus with flaming kicks.

“Charizard?” Victor looked up at the black sky. The Fire/Flying type was nowhere to be seen. Carrying his injured trainer must had worn him out along with his wounds. Victor wanted all of this to end. “Storm, Hone Claws and Steel Wing!” He cried, hoping that this would take down Eternatus.

It shall end, Victor!” Storm cawed as his talons sharpened. Along with Cinderace, he struck down Eternatus. The beast collapsed with a strained roar from the combined attack. Storm gave Cinderace a thankful look.

Victor got out the blood-stained Ultra Ball and hesitated. No, it should not fail this time. He raised his arm to throw it, but a flash of light filled his eyes. Eternatus had risen up and roared. Growling, the beast shot up into the sky. Victor and Hop watched in horror as energy surround Eternatus. It started to change drastically, dwarfing the Hammerlocke Power plant. The colossal beast’s clawed hand was covered in scales as big as a car.
 
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Part 3

Victor nearly dropped the Ultra Ball. “It’s…” As Eternatus powered up an attack, he screamed. “Hop! Move!” Victor threw himself to the floor as a beam of energy headed towards him. He tried to ignore the puddles of blood that lingered. He looked up to see Storm and Cinderace had been knocked out by Eternatus’ energy beam. Victor and Hop recalled their partners. “Get to safety, Hop.” Clutching the Ultra Ball, Victor walked up to Eternatus. “Better I-”

“No, Victor!” Hop yelled out, stopping Victor. “Don’t think about doing that. I can’t lose you… Not after Lee has…” He slowly held up the shield. “If we can call Zacian and Zamazenta, we can win this.”

“Are they...” Victor held up the sword and mentally connected himself with it. “Galar will suffer destruction, Zacian.” Victor whispered as an enigmatic sensation filled his mind. “Please, we really need you and Zamazenta.”

We are the onies who can aide you.” A faint feminine voice replied in his mind. It sounded close to Victor, but still far away. Still, he looked around the source. “Yonge hero who wischen to stoppen the Derk Day.

Howls filled the air causing Eternatus to roar and send out a blast of energy at Victor and Hop. It cannot be over for them both now. Two wolf Pokémon shielded the pair from the blast. They both looked majestic even with the scars on their bodies. The blue wolf with flowing pink tassels looked towards Victor.

Zacian told him through their link. “The sweord given min trewe forme. Holden it up and chaungen meself, yonge hero.” Victor held up the sword and Zacian was surrounded in bright light. Blue armour covered the Pokémon’s body. She looked so regal, so does Zamazenta in his armour. “We are meant to defenden this lond.” Zacian gazed at Victor with her intense eyes. “For everich mann and enchaunteing creature.

“For everyone…” Victor cleared his mind and faced Zacian. With her, Eternatus did not seem so frightening. Along with Zacian, Zamazenta howled to boost their strength. Zacian moved so fast that Eternatus cannot react. Victor watched Zacian as she struck the beast with her sword surrounded in crimson light.

Both Victor and Hop stood at a safe distance while the wolves dealt with Eternatus. They both felt the connection to their partners. The desire to defeat Eternatus and to protect Galar was strong in all of him.

Eternatus sent out a stream of fire towards Zacian. But, Zamazenta protected her with his hardened shield. Victor clutched at the Ultra Ball, prepared for the moment to catch Eternatus. Why me though… and not our Champion?

Zacian bit the beast with freezing fangs, sending it crashing to the floor. Let’s finish this now. Victor looked towards Hop whose gaze was fixed on Zamazenta. He was communicating with him, Victor was sure. Zamazenta ran towards Eternatus, fangs filled with psychic energy. The beast screamed as the strong attack stunned it.

Victor saw Hop’s own Corviknight fall to Eternatus’ fire. “Zacian, no more… Eternatus will bring ruin to Galar…” He desire powered up her sword. This should be able to- “Hop!” Victor called out. “Let Zamazenta know how you feel!”

Hop gazed intently at Zamazenta, who reflected a blast of draconic energy back to Eternatus. His shield flashed with crimson light and he slammed into Eternatus. The impact stunned the beast, giving Zacian her final chance.

Zacian’s sword glowed blue and she dealt the final blow to Eternatus. It slowly sunk back down, shrieking. Was the beast truly finished after the gruelling battles? Hop yelled to Victor. “Now is your chance to catch Eternatus, Victor!”

Victor nodded and he threw the Ultra Ball, it had to work this time. “It cannot-” Eternatus tried to resist the pull of the Ball. “It is over, Eternatus!” Victor yelled to the straining beast. He exhaled as the fear returned. Eternatus got converted into energy and the Ultra Ball dropped to the floor. Victor took a step forward and Zacian came to his side.

Not this tyme, yonge hero.” She looked into Victor’s eyes. “Picken up the vessell.

Victor does so, still his heart raced. He thought that he would never be afraid of a caught Pokémon. “Thank you, Zacian…” He forced a smile as he turned back to her.

The derk dragoun moste remainen guarder.” Zacian’s calm, mystical voice told Victor. “Or the lond ayain will go thrugh a disastre.

“It will not. I hope never again…” Victor looked down at the Ultra Ball in his hands. He was sure that something like this would not happen. Zacian and Zamazenta both let out a howl and depart back to the Slumbering Weald. Victor watched them leave, feeling a bit eased that the threat is over.

“Hop.” Victor walked over to his friend. He was trembling and staring at the spot where Leon had fell. There were still puddles of blood around. Victor shivered at the awful sight. He must be safe now? Victor thought to himself.

“He could die…” Victor heard Hop whisper. He gave Victor a quick glace and mumbled. “How is…”

“Hey.” Victor walked over to Hop. “I hope Leon won’t. He would recover quickly.” But the match, it would be put on hold. Though Victor did not care about that right now. Only the state of Leon was more important. “Let’s leave now.”

Victor’s mind was still filled with a storm of fear. “Hop, you go on.” He handed his friend some money for a Corviknight taxi. “I just need time alone.”

Hop nodded and left without a word. Maybe he should had went with him, Victor thought. But he wanted to find a quiet space. He opened the elevator door and went down. The power plant’s air chilled Victor, he wanted to move fast. As Victor was about to leave, he heard voices. He frowned as he looked for the source. Rose was speaking to a power plant staff member. The man left Rose, scowling as Victor walked in the room.

“You!” Victor yelled as his anger flared up. “Leon almost got killed, Rose!” He glared at him as his breathing quickened. Regret flashed in Rose’s eyes as Victor continued. “All of that fire, the explosion... Do you realise what you unleashed?” Shaking, Victor walked up the Chairman and held out his blood soaked hands. “Leon was the one meant to deal with this. He was supposed to be the knight, remember?”

“He was…” Rose’s eyes widened and he looked down. “Leon… This should not had happened to you. Had the Ultra Ball malfunctioned?” He shook his head, frowning. Why was he now like this? Victor wondered to himself, Rose was the one caused the Darkest Day.

“Why are you saying things like that! The ball did function!” Victor snapped, clenching his fists. “You wanted Leon to get hurt because he did not cancel the match!” He wiped away the tears, so Rose could not see him cry. “Is Leon is nothing to you? So he deserves this?!”

“No!” Rose’s sharp tone silenced Victor. “I do care about the state of Leon. I just wanted him to understand about the crisis.” He walked towards the door and turned to Victor. “Not to suffer… Victor, he is still up there? I can call for help.”

“He was already flown to safety. We were not leaving him there while we fought Eternatus.” Victor told Rose as he held the urge to cry. He wanted to leave, to see how the Champion was doing. “You should had seen him…”

“I expect that the Champion would recover. He can overcome anything thrown that him.” Rose told Victor. His tone of voice seemed confident about the state of Leon.

Victor turned away from Rose and his voice shook. “He was losing a lot of blood... Don’t you understand?!” Disgust welled up inside of him as the Chairman stood there, not saying a word. “Go and see how Leon is.” Victor demanded as tears started to fall. “He is unable to do a thing for you!”

Rose replied in a calm tone. “I take responsibly, but-”

“But something far off is more important than Leon’s life!” Victor screamed, his face wet with tears. “I get it!” His whole body shook as he recalled Leon lying in a pool of his own blood.

“That was not I was going to say, Victor.” Rose walked up to Victor. “I wished that Leon would had listened-”

Victor’s seething temper sparked and overtook him. “So it was Leon’s fucking fault?! He did listen to you, Rose! After the finals… he said… ” Victor paced, trying to calm the storm of anger inside of him. “Don’t act like he didn’t…”

“He did not get it.” Rose sighed as he placed his hand on Victor’s shoulder. “I tried to get him to understand the crisis.”

“He bloody does!” Victor retorted, stepping away from Rose. “You fucking convinced yourself that Leon did not so you could unleash Eternatus!” Victor held up the Ultra Ball containing the dangerous beast. “I was the one to catch it.” He turned and walked away. “Since Leon failed…”

Victor flinched as Charred released himself and clicked aggressively at Rose. “What have you done to Leon?” He crawled closer to the man, ready to lunge. Rose did not make a move, he only looked at Charred with a resigned expression.

“No, Charred! Stop!” Victor told the Centiskorch firmly as his heart pounded. “Rose should reflect on what he has done.” He whispered to his partner, his hands shaking. “He should see what had happened… to our Champion…”

You really think that, Victor?” Charred turned to Victor, his flames expanding. This Centiskorch could easily burn the man. Then Rose would not be able to know about the injuries that Leon had suffered. Victor silently recalled Charred and walked out of the power plant.
 
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Because I find breaking paragraphs into multiple quotes a bit hard to read, instead I decided to color each section of the paragraph with a specific color, which corresponds to the sentence(s) of the same color in my response. I think it looks the most legible on the Pumpkin Patch and Distortion World skins.
Defeating Rose had not been easy for Victor and Hop. Instead of stopping them, the Chairman let them pass. He even congratulated Victor for beating him. Roars filled the air as Victor and Hop stepped out of the elevator. The blackened sky pulsed above the pair, blasting down a miasma of thick air. Cries from the Dynamax Pokémon can still be heard even from this height. Turning towards Hop, Victor nodded. “I know that we all can win this.” Though he got a tingling sensation in his chest.
  • I think these the first two sentences contradict each other. Rose wasn't easy for Victor and Hop yet also let them pass rather than stop them? I think if Rose was trying to be difficult, he wouldn't have let them pass without trying to prevent them from doing so.
  • I feel like this part of the paragraph should be separate from the above part. It's a bit of a jarring transition, going from a calm discussion about Rose congratulating Victor for beating him and then to Victor and Hop stepping out of the elevator to a battle scene. Honestly, now that I think about it, I think you could cut out the part about Rose entirely.
  • Take this with a huge grain of salt, but I don't think miasma is used effectively here. While it's identical in structure to all of the miasma examples I've read, i.e. "miasma of X," X is primarily a word with negative connections: alcohol, frustration, smog, guilt etc. Thick air doesn't really have a strong negative connection methinks, and I'm not certain what it exactly means in this context.
  • Tense change: you go from past tense in the previous sentence to present tense in the next.
  • I think a new speaker is always a new paragraph, but I could be wrong.
  • I don't think this is a complete sentence (at the very least I think there needs to be a comma after the "Though"), and I also think it's a little unclear that this sentence is referring to his previous comment. I'd probably make direct reference to him saying that, maybe something like "Though, even as he said that, he felt a tingling sensation in his chest."
Overall, reading through this short paragraph I feel like your descriptions are a little too barebones. I think it would do wonders if you fleshed out everything a bit more because right now I'm struggling to visualize what's going on; I can't really place the characters and what they're going through. For example, during my first readthrough, I was left wondering why Hop and Victor didn't immediately notice Leon's Charizard fighting Eternatus even though I'd imagine that'd be the first thing they'd notice. But then I remembered that the elevator opens on a lower platform and then you walk up to the center arena and see Leon and Eternatus. Originally I thought this paragraph took place on the bigger, higher platform--I now think this first paragraph actually takes place on the lower platform before the two characters climb up the stairs to the dais, however, without any specific prose regarding their whereabouts and what they're doing it's still a little unclear to me where they actually are. I know in the next paragraph you mention Hop running up the stairs, but without any descriptive writing I have no idea where these stairs are coming from. And while I understand that this story's audience is (most likely) people who've played through SwSh's story, I still think some more description would help set the scene and better convey what's happening.
 
[I've read chapters 1 and 2. I'll read 3 in a bit, but I wanted to write this out before I did that.]

As someone who felt the original Sw/Sh story was a bit on the lacking side, I totally welcome a fan-retelling of the story. And I'm glad you're exploring Leon and especially Hop a bit more. And there's just something about Hop's reaction to Leon getting hurt... it makes me feel so bad for the kid. He's usually a peppy kid, and this comes through in the very beginning of the story. But a big part of this is because he looks up to his older brother, so if something happens to Leon... idk, I just like how you portrayed Hop in both chapters.

The beast loomed over them, about to strike. Victor released Dover and told him to distract Eternatus.
What's a Dover? ….ooooh, Dover is an Inteleon! Similar things went through my head when Victor sends out his other Pokemon in the second chapter.
So you say "to be merged." Are these chapters part of a larger story? I get the sense that I might be missing something, so in that case, ignore me lol.

Lightning and Dubwool clash with Eternatus’ stream of fire.
Dawww, you aren't going to name Hop's Pokémon? Ok…

“He has got this!” Hop smiled as his brother ordered Charizard to use Flamethrower.
Given the intensity of the moment, I figure at least Hop would rather say something like "He's got this!" rather than "He has got this!"

On that note, this isn't the only time Hop (or the other characters) seem to avoid contractions, which comes off as a little strange? Given the intensity of the situation, it feels oddly stiff. I think Charizard does it once, but somehow, it seems to fit in his case.

[Pokemon talking.]
Though I don't really mind, in the scope of your fic, can everyone understand Pokemon? Is this something only Victor (and Leon) can do? How about Hop? I'm not saying that you should explain this in these opening chapters... there's a lot going on with Eternatus. It's more personal curiosity, ya know?

I also did notice a few smaller grammar and word choice things... but I know that can be annoying, and maybe that's not what you're looking for? (Personally I'm super bad at catching that sort of thing in my own writing, so I appreciate that sort of feedback.) I can share that kind of feedback if you're interested, or I can just stick to broader story-things if you'd like.
 
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