HA! Don't make me laugh! - Humor Thread

[dig]

I think old age pensioners should be shot at birth.

 

[Majestic-Six]

One person in a cemetary says to the other "morning" he replies "no I'm just walking through".

 

[IceHippo95]

Here's one I heard awhile back.


What's the difference between a musician and a bench?

Spoiler

One can support a family of three.

If I hear some more music-related jokes that make me laugh, I'll be sure to share them.

 

[The Imaginatrix]

I saw the "Why was 6 afraid of 7?" anti-joke near the beginning of this thread, and it reminded me of a hilarious chapter from a oneshot collection of a friend of mine. Even if you don't know that much about the original Yu-Gi-Oh! anime, I'm sure you'll find this funny. You can read it here.

 

[Cap'n Jack]

What do you call a guy who likes to hang out with musicians?

Spoiler

A drummer.

 

[Voltaire Magneton]

Why did the hipster drown?

Spoiler

He tried ice skating before it was cool.

 

[dig]

What do you call a guy who likes to hang out with musicians?

Spoiler

A drummer.

[video=youtube;dagXKXqGj1c]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dagXKXqGj1c[/video]

 

[Cap'n Jack]

What do you call a guy who likes to hang out with musicians?

Spoiler

A drummer.

[video=youtube;dagXKXqGj1c]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dagXKXqGj1c[/video]

"Hey, wait a second!"

 

[Yoshi64]

Have you heard the joke about the sidewalk?

Spoiler

Because it's all over town.

 

[Goffik_Lolita]

A snowman looks at another and says

Spoiler

"Does it smell like carrots to you?"

 

[Yoshi64]

What do you do when chemists die?

Spoiler

You barium

 

[Paleo]

How many theoretical physicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler

Two. One to hold the light bulb, the other to spin the universe.

 

[Zexy]

-Waiter, why is there a disco ball in my sandwich?
-It's a club sandwich, sir.

 

[PiccoloX]

Wise Man: "The wise question not why, but how."
Student: "What?"
Wise Man: "Exactly."



Inspirational Personal Quote: "We are taught Defensive Driving. We teach ourselves Offencive Driving."

Everyone's different behind the wheel of a car. It's my option that whoever you are while driving alone is the real you and the real me doesn't need to be behind the wheel of a car!




What my sister wanted to make:


What she made:







Whoever said there's no such thing as a stupid question has never had to write a warning label.
"Warning Toxic, do not consume... Remove metallic wrapping before microwaving... If breathing stops, contact physician immediately..."
Gyud Gyad man!

 

[Bironicus]

Guy 1 : Oh no! The creator of Minecraft has been murdered!
Guy 2 : I guess the killer TURNED IT UP A NOTCH.
(yyyeeeeeeaaaaaaah)

Two Cannibals are eating a Clown. One says "Is it just me, or does this taste funny?"

 

[Kane Dunestorm]

What kind of car does a Viking drive?

Spoiler

A Fjord.

 

[DJ iOmega]

[video=youtube;o6wAc7VB1PY]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6wAc7VB1PY[/video]

 

[Voltaire Magneton]

Son: Dad, are ghosts real?

Dad: Of course not, son. Why'd you ask?

Son: Our maid said they're real.

Dad. SON! WE DON'T HAVE A MAID!

 

[DJ iOmega]

Fantasy Factory. "Man -Dime"

 

[The Imaginatrix]

This is transcribed from memory, and was actually an add on TV ages ago. Being blind, I don't know the exact details of the scenes, so I made a couple bits up, but I do remember the punchline so the funny factor should still be there.

(Dad is working on the computer when his little girl comes up to him.)

Girl: Daddy, can you read me a story?
Dad: Sorry, honey, I'm busy right now. Maybe later.

(Later, when the dad is in the kitchen doing the dishes...)

Little Girl: Daddy, can you read me a story?
Dad: In a little while, sweetie.

(Later, when dad is sitting on the lounge, but is about to go to bed...)

Little Girl: Daddy, can you read me a story?
Dad: *sighs* I'm so tired, honey. Ask Mummy.
Little Girl: *goes over to her mother* Mummy, can Daddy read me a story?